Lesson 9 Revision

Lesson NineRevision

Take a break! Allow yourself some time between writing and proofing.

Always remember to slow down while writing/revising. Also read your writing slowly.

Beginning

Read aloud. Reading a paper aloud encourages you to read every little word. Role-play. While reading, put yourself in your audience's shoes. Playing the role of the reader encourages you to see the paper as your audience might. Get others involved. Asking a friend to read your paper will let you get another perspective on your writing and a fresh reader will be able to help you catch mistakes that you might have overlooked.

Find out what errors you typically make. Learn how to fix and practice fixing those errors Use specific strategies. Use the strategies detailed on the following pages to find and correct your particular errors in usage, sentence structure, and spelling and punctuation.

Issues while writing…

1. Things to avoid

a) “In my opinion” “I believe…”

b) I/me/my writing (academic essays should not have personal references)


1. Things to avoid

c) sexist language (don't write he when you mean he/she--or change the sentence so you can write they; write salesperson instead of salesman, etc.)

d) “and so on” “etc.” and other lazy/vague ways to end a sentence; remember that “such as” or “for example” already tell the reader your list is incomplete, so you don’t need “etc.”


1. Things to avoid

e) overstatement, such as “everybody knows that…” or “it is universally understood…” or “everybody respects an honest man”


d) The library is a good place to study.

BETTER: The library provides a good study environment.

OR …a good place in which to study.

OR …which is used for studying.

OR …a good place to do one’s studies.


Common structures and words that are vague (and thus should be avoided):

1) the word “good” can usually be replaced with something more specific.

2) any sentence that starts with “It is,” such as “It is good to study abroad.”

BETTER: “Studying abroad can provide many opportunities, such as…”



Issues while writing…Using MAKE

Honesty doesn’t make you have success or friends (but it can help you make friends). Flour doesn’t make noodles (people make noodles, and noodles are made of flour).

--Trees and flowers don’t make up the scenery—they are part of the scenery.

--Protection and helpfulness don’t make up the important similarities between NPU and the military (they are two of the important similarities…)


Avoid Rhetorical questions. It is alright to say one, but asking questions often leads the reader away from your topic.


Why does this case happen and go badly with the development of the society?

What causes employment problems in China and what are its effects?

Employment problems in China ultimately effect the societies development.


IF and WHETHER

► “No matter ^ it is sunny or rainy, soldiers stand guard.” (WRONG)

--No matter IF it is sunny or rainy, soldiers stand guard.

--Whether it is sunny or rainy, soldiers stand guard.


not only…but also This implies that the reader already understands your first point, so it would be hard to use it to start your first support paragraph. Also note the following rules about how to use these words, depending on where they are in your sentence (esp. note what the verbs come before/after):


subj + V + not only + adjective, but + (optional pronoun+V) + also + adjective…

Students are not only young, but they are also open-minded.

Students are not only young, but also open-minded. (they are is optional)

subj + not only + (V+adv) but + (optional pronoun) + also + (V+adv)

Issues while writing…Kids not only play hard, but they also study hard.

Kids not only play hard but also study hard. (the comma drops when they is omitted)

Not only + V + subj + adj, but (required pronoun+V) + also + adj…

Not only are students young, but they are also open-minded.


WRONG: Not only are students young, but also open-minded. WRONG (this sentence needs they are)

Not only + V + subj + (V+adv), but (required pronoun) + also + (V+adv)…

Not only do kids play hard, but they also study hard.

WRONG: Not only do kids play hard, but also study hard. WRONG (this sentence needs they)


How to end an essay:

In conclusion, … (the is the best ending if you are concluding)

In short,… (OK, but I don’t like it)

Therefore,… (this is the best ending if the cause and effect is clear)

So,… (weak; avoid it)


In a word,… (don’t use it)

To conclude,… ( it sounds funny to me)

In summary,… (OK I suppose)

To summarize,… (I think this sounds a little better than “In summary” IF you are really summarizing!)

In sum,… (don’t use it)

Do NOT rely on your computer's spellcheck—it will not get everything!

Examine each word in the paper individually by reading carefully. Moving a pencil under each line of text helps you to see each word.

Spelling

Spelling

If necessary, check a dictionary to see that each word is spelled correctly.

Be especially careful of words that are typical spelling nightmares, like "ei/ie" words and homonyms like your/you're, to/too/two, and there/their/they're.

Reading the paper aloud (and slowly) can help you make sure you haven't missed or repeated any words.

Left out and Double Words

Make sure each sentence has a subject. In the following sentence, the subject is "students": The students looked at writing lessons on slideshare.net/msbirkbeck.

Make sure each sentence has a complete verb. In the following sentence, "were" is required to make a complete verb; "trying" alone would be incomplete:

They were trying to improve their writing skills.

Fragments

Fragments

See that each sentence has an independent clause

Remember that a dependent clause cannot stand on its own.

The following sentence is a dependent clause that would qualify as a fragment sentence:

Which is why the students read all of the handouts carefully.

Run on Sentences

Review each sentence to see whether it contains more than one independent clause.

If there is more than one independent clause, check to make sure the clauses are separated by the appropriate punctuation. Sometimes, it is just as effective (or even more so) to simply break the sentence into separate sentences instead of including punctuation to separate the clauses.

Run on Sentences

Example run-on:

I have to write a research paper for my class about extreme sports all I know about the subject is that I'm interested in it.

Run on Sentences

Edited version:

I have to write a research paper for my class about extreme sports, and all I know about the subject is that I'm interested in it.

Run on Sentences

Another option:

I have to write a research paper for my class about extreme sports. All I know about the subject is that I'm interested in it.

Comma Splices

Look at the sentences that have commas.

Check to see if the sentence contains two main clauses.

If there are two main clauses, they should be connected with a comma and a conjunction like and, but, for, or, so, yet.

Another option is to take out the comma and insert a semicolon instead.

Comma Splices

Example:

I would like to write my paper about Jazz history, it's a topic I can talk about at length.

Comma Splices

Edited version:

I would like to write my paper about Jazz history, because it's a topic I can talk about at length.

Comma Splices

Edited version, using a semicolon:

I would like to write my paper about Jazz history; it's a topic I can talk about at length.

Subject/Verb Agreement

Find the subject of each sentence.

Find the verb that goes with the subject.

The subject and verb should match in number, meaning that if the subject is plural, the verb should be as well and vice versa.

Subject/Verb Agreement

Example:

Students at the university level usually is very busy.

Edited version:

Students at the university level usually are very busy.

Mixed ConstructionRead through your sentences carefully to make sure that they do not start with one sentence structure and shift to another. A sentence that does this is called a mixed construction.

Example: Since I have a lot of work to do is why I can't go out tonight.

Edited version: Since I have a lot of work to do, I can't go out tonight.

Parallelism Look through your paper for series of items and make sure these items are in parallel form.

Example: Being a good friend involves good listening skills, to be considerate, and that you know how to have fun.

Edited version: Being a good friend involves knowing how to listen, be considerate, and have fun.

Parallelism Look through your paper for series of items and make sure these items are in parallel form.

Example: Being a good friend involves good listening skills, to be considerate, and that you know how to have fun.

Edited version: Being a good friend involves knowing how to listen, be considerate, and have fun.

Assignment Revise one of the two compositions: Social Problem, or Honesty

Due next week

Education

Lesson 9 Revision