PRECIS

APPLY

• How to find main and supporting ideas: getting past unnecessary details and examples.

• Concentrating on facts and not opinions

UNDERLINEA PLACE OF LOVE, HOPE AND CARELorraine Mabusela has made it her mission to restore the dignity of the sick and destitute.Mabusela takes care of 62 HIV-positive peoplewho have found a haven at Tumelo Hospice Centre in Mabopane.Mabusela was touched by the plight of HIV-positive people on whom society had turned its back. She remembered how her mother would preach about the importance of humanity. “I could not just fold my arms without doing anything to give hope to helpless people. I came cross cases of HIV-positive people being abandoned by their families and treated like dogs.”

“It tore me apart and I vowed that I would put an end to this kind of behaviour from society,” she said. True to her word, Mabusela, a single mother of two grown-up children, resigned from her job as an insurance broker in 2004 and started her mission of taking care of the sick.

She went from door to door to give moral support to sick and HIV-positive people, and made it her business to ensure that the sick took their medication as directed. As word of her good work spread, more sick people knocked at her door to get her attention.This marked the beginning of the TumeloHospice Centre. Because her house in Mabopane was too small to accommodate all those who flocked to it, Mabusela tended the sick under trees, in churches and in their homes. When she realised that the number of sick people was increasing, she decided to look for a bigger venue.

It took her a few months (and a bit of help from the community) to turn an old Department of Education building into a centre where sick people can rest.

Legae Private Clinic and Ga-Rankuwa Hospital donated beds to the centre. Locals gave Mabusela food, blankets and clothes , and a medical doctor. Petrus Dlamini, offered his services for free.

Today the centre has 26 caregivers and has expanded its services to include peope who suffer from diabetes, high blood pressure and strokes For sick people it is a place of hope where they receive love and care. If they die, they die with dignity.

(364 words.)

WRITE DOWN UNDERLINED SECTIONSLorraine Mabusela has made it her mission to

restore the dignity of the sick and destitute.

Mabusela takes care of 62 HIV-positive people

at Tumelo Hospice Centre in Mabopane.

Mabusela was touched by the plight of HIV-

positive people on whom society had turned

its back.

Mabusela resigned from her job in 2004 and

started her mission.

She went from door to door to give moral

support to sick and HIV-positive people, and

made it her business to ensure that the sick

took their medication as directed.

Because her house in Mabopane was too small

to accommodate all those who flocked to it,

Mabusela tended the sick under trees, in

churches and in their homes.

she decided to look for a bigger venue.

It took her a few months (and a bit of help

from the community) to turn an old

Department of Education building into a centre

where sick people can rest.

donated beds, food, blankets and clothes , and

a medical doctor offered his services for free.

Today the centre has 26 caregivers and has

expanded its services to include peope who

suffer from diabetes, high blood pressure and

strokes. For sick people it is a place of hope

where they receive love and care. If they die,

they die with dignity.

APPLY

•Own words

•Coherency

•Title

WRITE IN OWN WORDS, MAKING ONE PARAGRAPH.

(See next slide)

(164 words – we have to get rid of about 64

words.)

Lorraine Mabusela, who has a mission to restore the dignity of sick and

destitute people, runs the Tumelo Hospice Centre in Mabopane. 62 of

the patients are HIV-positive – people on whom society has turned its

back. Others suffer from diabetes, high blood pressure and strokes. In

2004 she resigned her job and started to tend the sick. She saw them

wherever she could and saw to it that they took their medication. Her

own home was too small to take in all the people that came to her, so

she looked for a bigger venue. She was given an old Department of

Education building to turn into a centre where sick people can rest.

Local hospitals and the community donated things like beds, food etc. A

medical doctor gave his services for free. Today the centre has 26

caregivers. Sick people get hope there, and love and care. They can die

with dignity when they die.

APPLY

Reduction techniques:

Redundancy

tautology (unnecessary repetition)

pleonasm (using many words instead of one)

verbosity(unnecessary, pompous and complicated

words)

circumlocution (putting things in a roundabout

way)

Removing examples and opinions

EXAMPLES

people on whom society has turned its back - People rejected by society

and saw to it that they took their medication. – (Same as “tend”)

a centre where sick people can rest – hospice

things like beds, food etc. – necessities

doctor gave his services for free. – donated his services

They can die with dignity when they die. – They can die with dignity.

FINAL REDUCED DRAFT

Lorraine Mabusela, who has a mission to restore the dignity of sick and

destitute people, runs the Tumelo Hospice Centre in Mabopane. 62 of the

patients are HIV-positive and rejected by society. On whom society has

turned its back. Others suffer from serious illnesses. In 2004 she resigned her

job and started to tend the sick. She saw them wherever she could. Her own

home was too small to take them in, so she looked for a bigger venue. She

was given an old Department of Education building to turn into a hospice,

the Department of Education gave her an old building to turn into a hospice.

Hospitals and the community donated necessities, and a medical doctor

donated his services. Today the centre has 26 caregivers who, in line with

Lorraine’s mission, give sick people hope, love and care. They can die with

dignity.

(104 words - OK)

CHECK COHERENCE

Note how coherence is achieved through the use of words, phrases and especially pronouns and articles which refer backwards and forwards to ideas that have already been mentioned.

Lorraine Mabusela, runs the Tumelo Hospice Centre

in Mabopane. 62 of the patients there are HIV-

positive and rejected by society. Others suffer from

serious illnesses. In 2004 she resigned her job and

started to tend the sick wherever she could. Her own

home was too small to take them in, so the

Department of Education gave her an old building to

turn into a hospice. Hospitals and the community

donated necessities, and a medical doctor donated

his services. Today the centre has 26 caregivers who,

in line with Lorraine’s mission, give sick people hope,

love and care. They can die with dignity.

PROOFREAD

Check grammar and spelling.

Make sure it’s ONE paragraph only.

Check punctuation.

Make sure the number of words is written down.

TITLE

A few words that sum the text up neatly.

RESTORING THE DIGNITY

OF THE SICK AND DESTITUTE