Revising Awkward and

Confusing Sentences

Revising Awkward or Confusing Sentences

• Most common causes:

- Unwarranted shifts

- Mixed constructions

- Faulty predication

- Illogical comparisons

Revising Unwarranted Shifts1. Shifts in Tense

Verb tense in a sentence (or in a related group of sentences) should not shift without good reason —to

indicate changes of time, for example.

Acceptable shift from present to past

The Wizard of Oz is a classic film that was made in 1939.

Revising Unwarranted Shifts1. Shifts in Tense

Unwarranted shift from past to present

I registered for the advanced philosophy seminar because I wanted a challenge.

However, after the first week I start having trouble understanding the reading.

I registered for the advanced philosophy seminar because I wanted a challenge.

However, after the first week I started having trouble understanding the reading.

Revising Unwarranted Shifts1. Shifts in Tense

Unwarranted shift from present to past

Jack Kerouac’s novel On the Road follows a group of friends who drove across the

United States.

Jack Kerouac’s novel On the Road follows a group of friends who drive across the

United States.

NOTE: The present tense is usually used in writing about literature.

Revising Unwarranted Shifts2. Shifts in Voice

Unwarranted shifts from active to passive voice (or from passive to active) can be confusing.

F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote This Side of Paradise, and later The Great Gatsby was written.

F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote This Side of Paradise, and later wrote The Great Gatsby.

In the first sentence it is unclear who wrote The Great Gatsby.

Revising Unwarranted Shifts2. Shifts in Voice

Sometimes as shift from active to passive voice within a sentence may be necessary to give a sentence

proper emphasis.

Even though the consumers protested, the sales tax was increased.

Here the shift from active (protested) to passive (was increased) keeps the focus on the consumer groups

and the issue they protested. To say the legislature increased the sales tax would change the emphasis

of the sentence.

Revising Unwarranted Shifts3. Shifts in Mood

Mood indicates whether a writer is making a statement or asking a question (indicative mood), issuing a

command or making a request (imperative mood), or expressing a wish or hypothetical condition

(subjunctive mood). Unnecessary shifts in mood also create awkward sentences.

Next, heat the mixture in the test tube, and you should make sure it does not boil.

Next, heat the mixture in the test tube, and be sure it does not boil.

Revising Unwarranted Shifts4. Shifts in Person and Number

Person indicates who is speaking (first person —I, we), who is spoken to (second person—you) and who

is spoke about (third person —she, it, and they). Most unwarranted shifts in a sentence occur between

second and third person.

When someone looks for a car loan, you should compare the interest rates of several banks.

When you look for a car loan, you should compare the interest rates of several banks.

Revising Unwarranted Shifts4. Shifts in Person and Number

Number indicates one (singular —novel, it) or more than one (plural—novels, they, them). Singular

pronouns should refer to singel antecedents and plural pronouns to plural antecedents.

If a person does not study regularly, they will have a difficult time passing the course.

If a person does not study regularly, he or she will have a difficult time passing the course.

Revising Unwarranted Shifts4. Shifts from Direct to Indirect Discourse

Direct discourse reports the exact words of a speaker or writer. It is always enclosed in question marks

and often accompanied by an identifying tag (he says, she said)

Indirect discourse summarizes the words of the speaker or the writer. No quotation marks are used, and

the reported words are often introduced with the word that or, in the case of questions, with who, what,

why, whether, how, or if.

Direct discourse: My instructor said, ‘I want your paper by this Friday.’

Indirect discourse: My instructor said that he wanted my paper by this Friday.

Revising Unwarranted Shifts4. Shifts from Direct to Indirect Discourse

Shifts between direct and indirect discourse are often confusing.

Shift from indirect to direct discourse

During the trial, John Brown repeatedly defended his actions and said I am not guilty.

During the trial, John Brown repeatedly defended his actions and said he was not guilty.

Shift from direct to indirect discourse

My mother asked, was I ever going to get a job.

My mother asked, ‘Are you ever going to get a job?’

Revising Mixed ConstructionsA mixed construction is created when a dependent clause, prepositional phrase, or independent clause

is incorrectly used as the subject of a sentence.

Dependent clause indirectly used as a subject

Because she studies every day explains why she gets good grades.

Because she studies every day, she gets good grades.

Prepositional phrase incorrectly used as a subject

By calling for information, is the way to learn about the benefits ROTC.

By calling for information, you can learn more about the benefits of ROTC.

Revising Mixed ConstructionsIndependent clause incorrectly used as a subject

He was late made him miss the first act of the play.

Being late made him miss the first act of the play..

Revising Faulty PredicationFaulty predication occurs when a sentence’s predicate does not logically complete its subject.

1. Incorrect Use of Be

Faulty predication is especially common in sentences that contain a linking verb—a form of the verb be,

for example— and a subject compliment.

Mounting costs and decreasing revenues were the downfall of the hospital.

Mounting costs and decreasing revenues caused the downfall of the hospital.

This sentence incorrectly states the mounting costs and decreasing revenues were the downfall of the

hospital when, in fact, the were the reasons for the downfall.

Revising Faulty Predication

2. Is When or Is Where

Another kind of faulty predication occurs when a sentence that presents a definition incorrectly includes a

construction like is where or is when.

In definition, is must be preceded and followed by nouns or noun phrases.

Taxidermy is where you construct a lifelike representation of an animal from preserved skin.

Taxidermy is the construction of a lifelike representation of an animal from preserved skin.

Revising Faulty Predication

3. The Reason … Is Because

This occurs when the phrase the reason is precedes because. In this situation because (which means ‘for

the reason that’ ) is redundant and should be deleted.

The reason is we drive because we are afraid to fly.

The reason is that we are afraid to fly.

Revising Incomplete or Illogical Comparisons

A comparison tells how two things are alike or unlike. When you make a comparison, be sure it is

complete (that readers can tell which to items are being compared) and logical (that it equates two

comparable terms).

What two things are being compared?

My chemistry course is harder.

My chemistry course is harder than Nina’s.

Illogically compares ‘a pig’s intelligence’ to ‘a dog’

A pig’s intelligence is greater than a dog.

A pig’s intelligence is greater than a dog’s.