Why the Sexes Still See Love and Commitment So Differently

What Women Want-What Men Want

Basic Sex Differences Men and women have different sex drives

Women’s sex drives are discontinuous; they can go weeks, months, and sometimes years without sexual activity

Men have a greater variety of stimuli such as visual stimuli Men are more likely to desire a variety of sex partners Men are aroused by the sight of an attractive woman,

fantasize about a stranger Women’s arousal is more internal, less aroused by

external stimuli Pornographic magazines directed towards women were

unsuccessful compared to the success of magazines such as Playboy, Hustler, Penthouse, etc.

Do Gay Men and Lesbians Show the Same Differences in Sexual Behavior as Heterosexuals Do Gay men tend to have large number of partners and

low investment Sexual activities focus on sexual stimulation through

genitalia More contact with anonymous strangers, behave the

way that heterosexual men would if females were more willing

Lesbians tend to have less partners, follow same pattern as heterosexual women

Lesbians focus less on genitalia and more on emotional connection

How Does Evolutionary Psychology

Explain Sex Differences? Men and women have different risks and opportunities in the

mating process Women face greater risk in becoming pregnant and her child

bearing years are limited Women are picky when it comes to selecting a mate

they need someone to invest for both her and her offspring: attention, affection, time, energy, money, and other material resources

Men have a lot to gain by being easily aroused and attempting to mate with many partners

Man with two wives increases fertility, women with two husbands doesn’t increase fertility

Men are not biologically required to invest in offspring Difference in parental investment of men and women have

evolved different sexual psychologies

Sexual Strategies and Emotions Men and women have evolved emotional

mechanisms that alert them when their sexual strategy is interfered with Women’s negative emotions resulting from casual sex. A

women needs sufficient signs of investment to continue a sexual relationship, if she doesn’t get them then her emotions act as an alarm to get out of the relationship

Men can maintain sexual relationships without investment and be content

Men find it impossible to maintain low investment relationships because women demand investment and commitment or they will end the relationship

Women’s Stages of Sexual Awareness Concerning their Reactions to Casual Sex

Stage 1: Coming Out A woman begins to test her sexual attractiveness and power. She

is not yet concerned with signs of investment from men. Stage 2: Awareness and DenialWomen are more experienced with casual sex. They are aware

that negative feelings arise from not enough investment from men. These women may deny their strong emotions.

Stage 3: Rejection of Casual SexWomen have experienced casual sex and realized that they don’t

want it. They realize that they cannot control the balance between investment desired and investment received, they realize sex causes them to become emotional and feel attached, and monogamy feels most right to them.

Culture or Biology? Sexual double-standard cannot be the reason for women’s

negative emotional reactions. Women that reject other traditional sex roles cannot control their

emotional responses to sex Feelings of degradations and remorse for casual sex are not

necessarily from having sex, but from lack of control of the level of investment from the male Women that have engaged in sexual relationships without

commitment were ok with it when they made the decision to end it, they had the upper hand

Women that have permissive attitudes towards casual sex react emotionally to it and are seeking higher investment relationships Women’s emotions act as alarms to guide them to higher

investment relationships

Dating-Mating Market Surplus of younger women, allows men to avoid

making commitment Marriage Squeeze- there aren’t enough older men for

prospective women to marry Men’s tendency to marry younger women leads to

large numbers of divorced or widowed women over 30 Financial independence allows women to be choosier

when selecting their mate Contemporary women want both types of investment:

significant material advantages, emotional attachment, and sexual fidelity

The New Polygyny Most men who can attract a mate, marry If divorced they remarry relatively quickly Functional Polygyny- refers to men who use their

potential for investment to coast in relationships, limit their investments, and indulge their desires for partner activity

Women with economic independence and no children are less likely to lower their socioeconomic requirements for a mate are are therefore less likely to marry or remarry

Both high status and low status women are competing for the small pool of higher status men

Marrying Up Hypergamy- the tendency of either sex to mate

with individuals of superior status Hypergyny- when women marry up Hyperandry- when men marry up

Polygyny and hypergyny cause higher status women to suffer drastically reduced fertility rates

More than 90% of young women enter adulthood with the expectation or desire to have children

There is no evidence of a narrowing age gap once women gain more status

Apparent Anomalies Evolutionary psychologists claim that men and

women’s behavior are predispositions; and whether they emerge in behavior depends on environmental conditions

A study conducted by Blumstein and Schwartz revealed that women prefer monogamy because it allows the possibility of obtaining all of a man’s emotional and material investments

It also gives the woman more sexual bargaining power

Critical Review

Interesting Facts: Gay men are leading the heterosexual male’s

dream of being able to sleep around or have casual sex. Heterosexual females and lesbians also share the same desire for their mate.

Even as women gain a higher status or earn more money, they still seek the same aged partner.

How men and women have sexual strategies and their emotions can be alarms to keep them on track of their strategies.

Critical Review Cont.

Further questions / confusing: He asked the question of why there is a sexual

double standard, but never really answered the question; he only said that women don’t desire casual sexual relations for a long period of time.

The author mentioned something about Psychotherapy and how it can help with people’s emotions, but he didn’t really explain the reasons why it works or go into further detail about its effects.

The women were more talked about than man where.