Debbie Seemed Pissed

Gabi and Gabi and DebbieDebbie

Listen to this short story – Listen to this short story – maybe even a little funny maybe even a little funny

– about the day I met – about the day I met Gabi and Debbie with the Gabi and Debbie with the

magic stick. magic stick.

I went over one evening in all I went over one evening in all innocence, looked around innocence, looked around

here and there, when here and there, when suddenly everyone was suddenly everyone was

talking English, and they all talking English, and they all went black and white. went black and white.

Everyone was there: Miss Everyone was there: Miss Ding Dong Scooterman, and Ding Dong Scooterman, and that cowboy whatsisname. that cowboy whatsisname. There was Dr Hapbaker, There was Dr Hapbaker,

Mister Kashtan, Yirmi Mister Kashtan, Yirmi Kaplan and his dad too. Kaplan and his dad too.

And Gabi and Debbie but And Gabi and Debbie but they were standing apart.they were standing apart.

Debbie seemed pissed, and Debbie seemed pissed, and Gabi troubled. Gabi troubled.

They said they’d lost some They said they’d lost some magic stick, and asked me if magic stick, and asked me if

I’d mind helping them find I’d mind helping them find it? Said Cool – there a prize it? Said Cool – there a prize

for the finder? for the finder?

They told meThey told me

That if I find it, they’d fly That if I find it, they’d fly to any place in the to any place in the

world I wanted.world I wanted.

Found the stick in a flash, cos Found the stick in a flash, cos Gabi had put it in his back Gabi had put it in his back

pocket, the fuckwitpocket, the fuckwitOohoo! I shouted like Homer Oohoo! I shouted like Homer

Simpson in ecstasySimpson in ecstasy

Let’s fly to Paris Sheraton Let’s fly to Paris Sheraton Hotel – they’ve got a Bru La Hotel – they’ve got a Bru La Po, and a massive brothel – Po, and a massive brothel –

that’s where I’d like to be.that’s where I’d like to be.

Debbie cleared her throat Debbie cleared her throat and said, You have to and said, You have to

understand. Actually we’d understand. Actually we’d be happy to oblige, but we be happy to oblige, but we

have a few limitations. have a few limitations.

First of all, this is educational First of all, this is educational TV, so the message has to TV, so the message has to be positive. You don’t have be positive. You don’t have in mind some place more in mind some place more

Zionistic?Zionistic?

What Zionisty? I said what? What Zionisty? I said what? Like Herzl?Like Herzl?

Oops! We landed in Basle.Oops! We landed in Basle.

HaDag Nachash is doing the HaDag Nachash is doing the Zionist Hip HopZionist Hip Hop

HaDag Nachash is doing the HaDag Nachash is doing the Zionist Hip HopZionist Hip Hop

HaDag Nachash osehHaDag Nachash oseh

Hip hop TzioniHip hop Tzioni



Herzl is leaning on his Herzl is leaning on his balcony – so mellowbalcony – so mellow

The moment I saw him he The moment I saw him he got my back upgot my back up

Is he not ashamed to chill out Is he not ashamed to chill out like nothing’s up when the like nothing’s up when the

whole country’s going up in whole country’s going up in fire – what is he – oblivious?fire – what is he – oblivious?

I looked him in the eyes from close I looked him in the eyes from close upup

What a hoot – the irises dilated and What a hoot – the irises dilated and the white of the eye pretty red! the white of the eye pretty red!

Psst, I whispered, looks like he’s Psst, I whispered, looks like he’s stoned…stoned…

Gabi said Gabi said

Shut up, play it coolShut up, play it cool

But I couldn’t hold back and I But I couldn’t hold back and I went for the visionary of the went for the visionary of the State with no holds barred.State with no holds barred.

With all the details of the awful state of With all the details of the awful state of the nation the nation

I told him of the car accidents, I told I told him of the car accidents, I told him of the disabled’s strikehim of the disabled’s strike

I told him of the ¼ million unemployedI told him of the ¼ million unemployed

and I told him of the corrupt politiciansand I told him of the corrupt politicians

Herzl didn’t respond, just Herzl didn’t respond, just smiled broadlysmiled broadly

Stuck his hand deep into his Stuck his hand deep into his pockets.pockets.

I tried to emphasise that there’s I tried to emphasise that there’s no peace, no securityno peace, no security

That we’ve had enough of living That we’ve had enough of living in terrorin terror

Herzl just put me a tab on my Herzl just put me a tab on my tongue and saidtongue and said

If you take it, it is If you take it, it is no dream!no dream!





I didn’t manage to understand I didn’t manage to understand what had happened to mewhat had happened to me

Suddenly I have a carbine in my Suddenly I have a carbine in my handshands

Found myself in the battle for Found myself in the battle for Tel HaiTel Hai

Wow – I don’t want a weapon – Wow – I don’t want a weapon – can’t be bothered – I’ve got a can’t be bothered – I’ve got a

profile of 21profile of 21

But Gabi told me that the story of But Gabi told me that the story of Tel Hai is very significant, and it’s Tel Hai is very significant, and it’s

important to teach about itimportant to teach about it

I recognised Trumpledor I recognised Trumpledor immediately, what a weaponimmediately, what a weapon

Nu, nu, the one with the arm. Nu, nu, the one with the arm. Or actually, without.Or actually, without.

How’s it going Yosef? I asked How’s it going Yosef? I asked politelypolitely

But Trumpledor was edgy and But Trumpledor was edgy and angryangry

Suddenly the wind blew up a Suddenly the wind blew up a dust clouddust cloud

Trumpledor choked and Trumpledor choked and croaked and spat out some croaked and spat out some

green stuff right next to us and green stuff right next to us and afterwards coughed and said:afterwards coughed and said:

““It’s good to gob for your It’s good to gob for your country…”country…”





Suddenly it all got too much for Suddenly it all got too much for me.me.

My legs gave way, I fell to the My legs gave way, I fell to the ground and shouted Enough!!ground and shouted Enough!!

This trip was supposed to have This trip was supposed to have been a real treatbeen a real treat

It’s no fun with you guys It’s no fun with you guys at allat all

You screwed me over, You screwed me over, you screwed me over!you screwed me over!

Debbie recovered first, and turned Debbie recovered first, and turned to me with a motherly lookto me with a motherly look

You’re right, she said, now we’ll You’re right, she said, now we’ll flyfly

Wherever you want, wherever you Wherever you want, wherever you say.say.

Oh, at last!Oh, at last!

Just not to Jerusalem Just not to Jerusalem 2002, I said.2002, I said.

But apparently they didn’t But apparently they didn’t hear the ‘not’hear the ‘not’

Because precisely to hereBecause precisely to here

To where?To where?

Exactly to hereExactly to here

Where?Where?

Precisely to here I returned. Precisely to here I returned.





Entertainment & Humor

Debbie Seemed Pissed