1. PowerPoint Show by Andrew 2. If there were noschools to take thechildren away fromhome part of thetime, the insaneasylums would befilled with mothers. 3. Children seldommisquote. In fact,they usually repeatword for word whatyou shouldnt havesaid. 4. It kills you to seethem grow up. ButI guess it would killyou quicker if theydidnt. 5. You know yourchildren are growingup when they stopasking you where theycame from and refuseto tell you where theyare going. 6. Never have children,only grandchildren. 7. Sex education maybe a good idea in theschools, but I dontbelieve kids shouldbe given homework. 8. Insanity ishereditary you getit from your kids. 9. You can learn manythings from children.How much patienceyou have, for instance. 10. If you want childrento keep their feet onthe ground, putsome responsibilityon their shoulders. 11. A mother takestwenty years to makea man of her boy, andanother womanmakes a fool of himin twenty minutes. 12. When my kidsbecome wild andunruly, I use a nice,safe playpen. Whentheyre finished, Iclimb out. 13. As a child, myfamilys menuconsisted of twochoices: take it, orleave it. 14. A child can askquestions that a wiseman cannot answer. 15. Give a small boy ahammer and he willfind that everythinghe encounters needspounding. 16. Always be nice toyour childrenbecause they are theones who willchoose your resthome. 17. The first half of ourlives is ruined by ourparents, and thesecond half by ourchildren. 18. Human beings arethe only creatureson earth that allowtheir children tocome back home. 19. Cleaning your housewhile your kids arestill growing is likeshoveling the walkbefore it stopssnowing. 20. It is amazing howquickly the kidslearn to drive a car,yet are unable tounderstand thelawnmower,snowblower orvacuum cleaner. 21. If evolution reallyworks, how comemothers only havetwo hands? 22. Telling ateenager thefacts of life islike giving afish a bath. 23. A two-year old is kindof like having ablender, but you donthave a top for it. 24. Before I got married Ihad six theories aboutbringing up childrennow I have six children,and no theories. 25. A person soon learnshow little she knowswhen a child beginsto ask questions. 26. Having one childmakes you a parenthaving two you are areferee. 27. The truth is thatparents are not reallyinterested in justice.They just want quiet. 28. We spend the firsttwelve months ofour childrens livesteaching them towalk and talk andthe next twelvetelling them to sitdown and shut up. 29. Teenagers complaintheres nothing to do,then stay out all nightdoing it. 30. Few things are moresatisfying than seeingyour children haveteenagers of theirown. 31. If you have neverbeen hated by yourchild you have neverbeen a parent. 32. People who saythey sleep like ababy usually donthave one. 33. The hand that rocksthe cradle usually isattached to someonewho isnt gettingenough sleep. 34. When you havebrought up kids, thereare memories youstore directly in yourtear ducts. 35. The trouble withlearning to parenton the job is thatyour child is theteacher.