- 1. Dear Commander-in-Chief Happy happy, I must admit it was
cold out there, but thanks for bringing me back in. Your ring of
steel is assured. Ive got your back, like Obama has Israels. There
just a few loose ends that need to be bound and gagged but
otherwise no one will touch you on the road to Mangaung.Salute,
Future Police Commissioner Richard
2. Hi Jacob,I thought about tweeting you thisbirthday wish, but
lets face it Im muchmore of a rock star than you are. BTWMaKhumalo
is really funny. You shouldfollow her.So 70 hey? How does it feel?
Have youhad enough yet? You know Im keen.Anyway, all the best or
worstwhatever. Sincerely, Helen 3. Dear not-my-President, Thanks
for the flowers while I was in hospital. How did you know tulips
were my favourite? Happy birthday. While I appreciate your
intervention in my province, I think its time you call off your
dogs now. Its a little too much dont you think? I cant even access
lunch money. Come visit some time. If not, see you in
Mangaung.Yours in the power struggle,CasselPS. Can you help me out
with the insurance excess? 4. Dear Mr President, While I stand by
my recent criticism of your leadership, I am man enough to still
wish you well on your 70th birthday. You really need to do
something about Uncle Gwede though. Im tempted to put a stop to his
overdraft, if it will help. I know I speak for all business leaders
as I wish you a happy birthday because, lets face it, no one else
has the balls to speak up. Ive come in for a lot of praise in
recent days and my stock price has risen quite nicely. I have you
to thank for being, how shall we put this, less than competent.
Some would say incompetent I wouldnt Some would say useless not me.
Some would say dictator well Best wishes, ReuelPS. If you need a
loan, you know what to do. 5. Happy birthday Mr President,This is
probably the last time anyone calls youthat on your birthday, so
savour it. Gugu and Iwish you well on your imminent
retirement.Contrary to the T-shirts I have no designs onyour
presidency. I have no idea where Julius, themedia and everyone else
are getting this from,but that shit you pulled with the Top Six
briefing it wasnt funny, cut it out.See you in Mangaung.Best
wishes,Kgalema Motlanthe 6. and wa samHey SthLong time no see.
Since youre jettingoff more than Thabo these days I thought Id send
you a card to say happy birthday. Its hard to keep track of you so
Im following you on Twitter, but my love youre really boring. That
Helen Zille is so funny. You should be more like her. Hope you can
find time soon for me, and our new brood of chickens.Miss
you.XOXOYour loving wife No. 1 7. Dear Comrade, Weve come a long
way, so happy birthday and congrats on reaching 70. Who would have
thought? Back in the day our roads werent littered with toll gates,
our people were gainfully employed in the struggle and the alliance
was tighter than a labour brokers ass. Now our people are
unemployed and frankly, were bored. I hope we can work out our
differences soon; for your sake before Mangaung. There are times
when I feel we understand each other, but then there are times when
I feel I need to crowd surf in the Joburg CBD to get your
attention. Whats the deal? Anyway, see you in Mangaung or at the
next toll gate.Yours,Zwelinzima 8. Dear Outgoing President,I know
weve had our differences in thepast Ok, it was just last week.
Sorryabout that whole dictator thing.At 70 dont you think its time
you calledit a day?As President I mean, not in life.Give someone
younger a chance. We couldwork on a rotation, you
knowKgalema-Tokyo-Mathews-Fikile-Me.What do you say?Enjoy the
festivities.I must have missed your invitation. Lovies,Juju
