Helping Children Handle Stress

“Helping Children Handle Stress”by: Dr. Imelda Villar

Everyday Stress

When they have to wait When they want something they can’t

have When they lose or break their toys or

valued items.

Common Sources of Stress Early or rushed mornings, being hurried Exposure to new situations/starting

school/transferring school Too many expectations or demands Difficulties with peer/friendships

Common Sources of Stress Transitioning from one activity or place

to another New beginnings/ frequent change

of/unavailability caregivers Difficult assignments/tasks Parents cannot be reached when they

need to get something for school

Sources of Long-Term Stress

Separation from parents (especially for younger kids)

Fights or disagreements with siblings Being compared to siblings Being bullied by siblings

Sources of Long-term Stress Serious ongoing conflict between family

members Divorce or separation Serious illness or health condition Death of a loved one Frequent moves Being bullied or harassed over time

Sources of Long-Term Stress Dealing with unrealistic expectations

and demands (one’s own or from others) Being picked on at home Being compared with others Parental absence especially when in

trouble Physical/emotional/sexual/ financial

abuse

Factors That Help Prevent Stress

Positive problem solving and coping skills

Close, supportive relationships at home and school, with peers and adults

Clear expectations Permission and ability to learn from

mistakes Developing competencies (academic,

social, extracurricular, and life skills)

Factors That Help Prevent Stress

Consistent, positive discipline Ability to express feelings appropriately Feeling physically and emotionally safe Good nutrition and exercise Time to relax or do recreational activities

(www.nasponline.org)

How Parents Can Help Prevent Stress(www.nasponline.org)

Be aware of your child’s behaviors and emotions

Build trust with your child Be available and open to talk with your

child when he/she is ready Encourage the expression of feelings Teach and model good emotional

responses

How Parents Can Help Prevent Stress

Encourage them to tell you if they feel overwhelmed

Encourage healthy and diverse friendships Encourage physical activity, good nutrition, rest Teach child to problem solve Remind child of ability to get through tough

times, particularly with love and support of family and friends (www.nasponline.org)

Signs of Being Overstressed recurring headaches, tummy aches or neck

pain increased irritability, sadness, panic, anger,

anxiety unusual emotionality or volatility intensification of nervous habits like nail

biting, hair twisting, thumb sucking pattern of overreacting to minor problems,

e.g., yelling, crying, shutting down trouble eating, relaxing or sleeping

Signs of Being Overstressed unusual sleep patterns or nightmares increased dependency or clinginess unusually low energy, or the opposite, very

high levels of energy or restlessness going back to less mature behaviour increased behaviour problems, such as

biting, kicking, poor listening, acting out, impulsiveness increased whining, crying, fighting becoming withdrawn or listless

Signs of Being Overstressed Inability to concentrate Drop in grades or other functioning Toileting or eating concerns Unexplained fears or increased anxiety

(that also can take the form of clinging) Isolation from family activities or peer

relationships Drug or alcohol experimentation

(www.nasponline.org)

Signs of Need for Professional Help Anxiety significantly interfering in child’s

life, preventing doing important things Child constantly seeking abnormal

amounts of reassurance Child showing symptoms of stress and

clearly not coping well

Basics of How Parents Can Help

Establish Connection: assure and ensure someone will be there to help them deal with their problems --> helps children trust and listen to adult supporting them.

Basics of How Parents Can Help Provide Loving Home environment:

ensure healthy, balanced lifestyle good foodlots of time for physical activityplay relaxationdaily routines that make their world feel

predictable and safe

Basics of How Parents Can Help Comfort: comfort of physical contact

one of best stress relievers there is positive brain stimulation from being touched in early childhood helps build brain’s pathways for coping with stress

Preventing and Managing Stress Plenty of unstructured play time Regular bedtime routine with quiet,

calming activities such as music, reading or quiet play for half an hour before bedtime

Ensure 8-10 hours of sleep Vigorous physical activity - at least two

hours of physical activity every day

Preventing and Managing Stress Show love with words, hugs, kisses Play and laugh together

When Child Observed to be Stressed Ask how body feels (tummy, tense

muscles, etc.) Explain there is a connection between

the way bodies feel and emotions such as worry, sadness and anger

When Child Observed to be Stressed Wait for calm moment Encourage to describe his worries or

fears Listen very carefully Try not to interrupt or finish child’s

sentences Take worries or fears seriously, even if

they seem silly.

When Child Observed to be Stressed Try to understand feelings and verbalize

what you read as his/her feelings Allow to talk about feelings: Point

feelings out and use words to help identify emotions. “I guess you felt mad when you were not chosen for the school play.”

Naming emotional state helps child learn to express feelings in words rather than acting out

When Child Observed to be Stressed Don’t judge/take sides Don’t advice unless asked Don’t to pacify or preach Ask questions to clarify

When Child Observed to be Stressed Restate important things he/she has

said Summarize what he/she has said

occasionally Ask what he/she would like to happen in

the situation Ask what he/she can do to feel better

When Child Observed to be Stressed Involve him/her in activities enjoyed such

as playing with favourite toys, reading a book, cuddling with a stuffed animal

Teach relaxation and stress-reducing techniques: deep breathing (breathe in through nose and slowly out through mouth

Model breathing for you to calm down in stressful moments

When Child Observed to be Stressed Spend extra time together and watch

him/her more closely than usual Offer extra physical contact: holding

his/her hand while walking or pulling him/her up against you as you watch TV together

If child doesn’t want extra contact, don’t force, but be there

When Child Observed to be Stressed Limit TV, computer and video game time

and encourage kid to be active. Be active with them - go for walks, runs,

park Put on some music for a family dance

party (be sensitive to reactions)

When Child Observed to be Stressed Give opportunities to make small

choices appropriate for age: “Do you want to eat in Jollibee or McDonald’s today?” to give them sense of control in their life.

When Child Observed to be Stressed Model effective stress-management

strategies e.g when feeling stressed , stop yourself and say, “Wow, I’m feeling stressed. I’m going to take a few deep breaths to help me calm down.”

General Tips for Preventing and Addressing Stress

Stop, Look and Listen Stop

Set the climate. E.g. “I know there are things that upset you sometimes. Can you tell me about them?” Give time to finish talking. Listen both words and feeling in words.

Choose the moment. Any quiet time during the day or at bedtime, but ensure you are relaxed and not feeling rushed and can be together without interruption. Arrange for privacy

Find “little” opportunities to connect. Everyday activity together like going to school, taking snacks (but not dinner)


Look Once a day, check child’s face and body -

eye contact? relaxed or tense? eyes calm or darting back and forth? Is there tension in her body?

Pay close attention to facial expressions, mood, body language and activity level

Notice signs of stress


ListenGive your full attention. Show you are

really interested by facing child and making eye contact. Try saying things like, “We all feel worried or scared sometimes and it’s good to talk about those feelings.”

Listen without speaking. Nod head; give other nonverbal signs of interest. Don’t finish his sentences, even if you think you know what he is trying to say. Give him time to put it into his own words.


Just be there Respect child’s refusal to talk about what’s bothering him/her-

give space, but show you’ll be there when they feel like talking. Whether they need to talk or just be in the same room with you – make yourself available.

Do something fun together. If child seems stressed or having a bad day but doesn’t feel like talking, initiate activity you can do together - read book, go for walk, watch movie, or bake, to teach children that there are ways of taking care of self and cheer self up.

Give children time and space to unwind. Sometimes children need time on their own with quiet activities such as blocks, play dough or imaginative play

General Tips for Preventing and Addressing Stress Keep child aware of anticipated family

changes. Monitor television programs that could worry

your child and pay attention to use of computer games, movies, and the Internet.

Use encouragement and natural consequences when poor decisions are made.

Help your child select appropriate extracurricular activities and limit over-scheduling.

General Tips for Preventing and Addressing Stress Make child aware of harmful effects of drugs

and alcohol before experimentation begins. Monitor own stress level. Take care of

yourself. Contact child’s teachers with concerns and

make them part of team available to assist your child.

Seek assistance of physician, psychologist, or school counselor, if stress continues

(2012—National Association of School Psychologists)


Working with care providerMake sure child is understood and treated

wellAsk how child wasCheck for abuses of care provider; observe

reactions to care provider

Caveat

Children differ in dealing with stressful situation

Some children experience more stress than others

Some are more sensitive to stress Some are better at handling it than

others. Big challenge: know your children, pay

attention to their stress and try to ease

Health & Medicine

Helping Children Handle Stress