Dealing with Anger

Do you have difficulties with controlling your temper? Here are a few suggestions that will help you cope

better with anger.

Prevent yourself from becoming angry. Try the following:

# Count slowly up to ten before you lose your temper. This is a time-tested recommendation.

# Ask yourself whether you have the right to get angry; in other words, has there been a real provocation or is it merely one of

your pet “hang-ups” which has been irritated.

# Ask yourself whether anger is indeed the right response; that is, whether you or anybody else ought to show anger in such a

situation. Consider how somebody else (for example, a person whom you respect) might have reacted in the same situation; this

will provide you with the necessary insights if you tend to overreact at times.

# Even if anger is an understandable response under the circumstances, ask yourself whether losing your temper will get you

better results, and whether you will really get what you want by becoming angry.

# Ask yourself whether the situation is appropriate; for example, will you lose your dignity if you shout? Will you attract

unnecessary attention? Will you embarrass the company in which you are? Will you be upset later at what you said or did when

you were angry?

# Ask yourself whether the provocation is forgivable or forgettable. If so, forgive and forget; this will save you and others a lot

of heartburn. It will also earn you some goodwill.

# Remember that the person who loses his temper is also the one who has lost the argument, and that the person who becomes

angry is punishing himself.

# Breathe deeply; drink a glass of water; stall for time to dull the sharpness of your reaction; think about something else; think

happy thoughts.

DAMAGE LIMITATION Should you lose your temper, you will need to learn how to cool down fast. Try the following:

# Keep your voice down.

# If you find yourself raising your voice, slow down the speed at which you speak. It is hard to shout slowly!

# Alter your body stance: if you’re standing, sit down; if you’re sitting, lean back. In the seated position, place your hands on

your lap. It is hard to shout and at the same time express your body language in this manner.

# Drink a glass of water.

# Breathe deeply.

# Don’t ever use physical methods of expressing your anger; if you wish, and if you have the opportunity, take out your

frustrations on a punching bag or an equivalent thereof (but don’t become violent or break anything!).

COOLING DOWN: BEFORE OR AFTERWARDS # Drink a glass of water.

# Think about something that has made you happy.

# Listen to music.

# Watch television.

# Do anything that takes your mind off the subject.

# Talk about the matter to someone who is calmer and in a more sensible frame of mind.

# Have a chat with anybody on any topic.

GENERAL SUGGESTIONS

# Identify situations that characteristically arouse anger in you. Learn how to avoid such situations.

# If situations that characteristically arouse anger in you are unavoidable, plan out and rehearse calmer methods of coping with

these.

# Practice stress management.

# Practice time management.

# Practice meditation.

You don’t have to apply all the suggestions that have been made here. Chose as many as you feel that you can really use; each

extra method will put you that much more in control of yourself. With a little bit of perseverance, controlling anger is a skill that

can certainly be learnt.

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