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Dealing with Difficult People at Work Jackie Woodside, LICSW, CPC [email protected]
To begin with:
Who deals with difficult people at work? Who deals with difficult people in your personal life?
What to do?
You can leave your organization to avoid the person who’s making you crazy, but he/she will be waiting for you at your next job in a different body!
Intention of the training:
Each person will be left with a new sense of power, clarity and possibility in regards to dealing with the difficult people in their life.
What is your intention?
(write down their own intention here and then share it with a partner)
What do we mean by “difficult person?”
Not a personality, but a behavior. You can impact, influence and change behavior, personalities cannot.
Can difficult people change their behavior?
Yes…. If…. They are motivated to change They feel their needs are being met
An interesting secret of changing difficult behavior is to see that when you change your behavior, approach and attitude with the person, you may see a positive change in their behavior.
The anatomy of a difficult person encounter
Event
Interpretation / Perception
Emotional and Physical response
Behavioral Response
Attitudinal Response
Which of these steps do you have control over?
Small group sharing and discussion:
1. Identify a difficult person you are now dealing with in the workplace (not by name)
Small group sharing and discussion:
2. What is it about their behavior that you experience as difficult? (Be as specific as possible)
Small group sharing and discussion:
3. How is your perception or interpretation of that behavior?
Small group sharing and discussion:
4. How do you feel when you are in the face of that behavior with that perception?
Small group sharing and discussion:
5. How do you respond (what is your behavior)?
Small group sharing and discussion:
6. How do you feel about your response?
Identifying types of difficult behavior
Group exercise
Success strategies for dealing with difficult people
Small group exercise followed by discussion
The Yeller
“I’m not sure why you’re speaking to me in that tone of voice but it is not how I prefer to be spoken to. I request that you please stop shouting or I will need to end this conversation.”
The Negaholic
“I know how committed you are to seeing improvements around here. I’m sure with your (fill in the blank) skill, energy, commitment, enthusiasm, things are going to keep getting better.”
The Stonewaller
“It seems that you are having difficulty sharing your views on this. I’m sure in time we will be able to find a way to share perspectives openly. Until then, know that I am all ears for your input!”
The Complainer
“I see that you’re upset about that. Let’s go talk to (someone who can do something about it or the person being complained about) so we can get this cleared up.”
“Oh, you don’t want to talk to them directly? Oh, well I can do so for you. I’ll tell them how upset you are by this.”
“Oh, you don’t want me to talk to them either? Hmmm… I wonder why you’re talking to me about it then since I can clearly not change anything about it.”
The Yes Person (super compliant)
“Are you sure this is something you should take on? Let’s break down the task and take a look at your schedule first to see how this fits in.”
The Tank (rolls over people, super controlling)
“I really enjoy collaboration. You have such great ideas! I wonder if I can offer another approach here for us to consider?”
The Whiner
“This can’t be easy for you. I know you are always under a lot of stress. I feel for you.”
Receptive Skills for Dealing with Difficult People
LEAP MODELListen deeply, not
taking the difficulty personally
Empathy
Asking their ideas of what they might
be able to do
Problem Solving: Ask if they want your ideas or if they want to collaborate
Expressive Skills for Dealing with Difficult People
MOI MODEL
Measured language (maybe,
sometimes, it seems to me)
Observe, don’t judge “I” not “you”
Attitudinal Skills for Dealing with Difficult People
GPS MODEL
Graceful: Remain Calm
Positive and Patient
Surrender being right (I would
rather be peaceful than right)
Conclusion
There are no difficult people in your life – there are only skills that you have not yet mastered. Be grateful for the lessons and growth that come your way each day via those who challenge you to grow your skills, strengths and loving kindness.
www.JackieWoodside.com
