Leading through anxious timesMarch 3, 2015

By Dr. W. Craig Gilliam Coordinator of Congregational Services

JustPeace www.justpeaceumc.org

Guiding Principles

• Whoever shows up are the right people

• Whatever happens is what needs to happen

• Whenever it happens is the right time

• To be open to God whose middle name is Surprise!

• When it’s over, it’s over

(Adapted from Harrison Owens by Craig Gilliam)

After this there was a festival of the Jews, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. Now in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate there is a pool, called in Hebrew, Bethesda, which has five porticoes. In these lay many invalids—blind, lame and paralyzed. One man was there who had been ill for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him

lying there and knew that he had been there a long time, he said to him, “Do you want to be made well?”

~~John 5:1-6

Reflecting on an Ancient Text

What is conflict?

Two people who see each other in an I-Thou way (as people) can still disagree with each other’s opinions and positions, even strongly. And when such opinions are diametrically opposed political ones or around the pastor or around change in worship or religious beliefs or some social issue or some justice issue for examples, the stakes can be very high. In such cases, “conflict” certainly would be an appropriate way to describe the situation. However, parties that remain open to the needs and humanity of those whose opinions differ from their own (I-Thou) have options going forward that those who have closed off or cut off from others do not.   When we see others in an I-It way (objects) we end up provoking opposition and resistance in others not just because our opinions might oppose theirs, but because our very views of others are in opposition. Blaming, horribilizing, playing ourselves as the victims, focusing on differences, focusing on weaknesses and focusing solely on our own needs, we provoke others to do the same. This is why destructive conflict almost always results when people see others as objects (I-It). We help create the very situations we say we dislike. . . .the I-Thou relation to God and the I-Thou relationship to one’s fellow human

being are at bottom related to each other. --Martin Buber

Insights from emotional systems

into conflict

transformation

Insights for systems and conflict transformation

• On a given Sunday, multiple systems interlock. Anything unresolved in one system impacts the others. (See Interlocking Circles Diagram below.)

• When a person connects with another, they become someone different.

• A systems lens is not a diagnostic model. Not a linear cause-and- effect fashion, but sees the community as organic and non-linear. Conflict generally is not about one thing but about multiple factors interacting. (See ABCD Diagram below.)

Insights for systems and conflict

transformationcontinued . . .

• Identify and build on strengths, passions, what holds meaning.

• The answers or next steps are already within their midst. Our role is not to give the answer, but to help create a space and sustain that space so that what is trying to emerge can.

• How do we create a strong enough container to hold when the heat that can transform a community is released?

At Meal Exercise:

A time to ponder!

Iceberg Analogy - Eric Law

•External Cultures•Explicitly Learned, Conscious, Easily Changed Objective Knowledge

•Internal CulturesImplicitly Learned Unconscious Difficult to Change Subjective Knowledge

Martin Buber

Two stories:

How and What?

The Phenomenology of Conversation:The heart of conflict transformation

Conflict transformation is about conversations and relationships. Ministry in general and our work in conflict transformation in

particular is not as much about fixing problems, the next program for a congregation or the larger church. At a deeper level, it is

about the phenomenology of conversation—the courageous conversation. We enter the community and conversation through the portal of a present unknowing, a different ear, a perceptive

eye, an imagination refusing to come too early to a conclusion. In other words, we pay attention and walk with and alongside people

into and through those conversations they are having with themselves, with God, and with others around them. Our role is to

pay attention with a kind of fierce attentiveness to those conversations and why they are so difficult and what is happening

along the way.

Leadership Quadrilateral from a Systems Lens

by John Winn; Adapted by Craig Gilliam

Praying By Mary Oliver

  It doesn’t have to be

the blue iris, it could be weeds in a vacant lot, or a few

small stones; just pay attention, then patch

  a few words together and don’t try to make them elaborate, this isn’t

a contest but the doorway  

into thanks, and a silence in which another may speak.

   

Closing Words of Grace

Ways to invite change/influence Prepared by Dr. W. Craig Gilliam

When two people relate to each other authentically and humanly, God is the electricity that surges between them.

― Martin Buber

Everyone has been corrected before. Sometimes the person correcting us has inspired us to change. Sometimes their influence has invited in us just the opposite—to resist or rebel. What was the difference?

Think of times when others have wanted you to change. Come up with a list of approaches others have taken to help you change that were effective and approaches that were ineffective.

Look for patterns in the lists. What is underlying the effectiveness of each of the techniques? Consider the role way of the heart/being plays in determining influence.

Ways others have tried to get you to change. . .

Effective Ineffective