QUIT HITTING YOURSELF

This image was originally posted to Flickr by Alex E. Proimos at http://flickr.com/photos/34120957@N04/4199675334 under the terms of the cc-by-2.0.

We’ve all had cringe-inducing moments that we wish we could erase. You yelled at your kids or snapped at your spouse. You said something

inappropriate or failed to say something important. You blew a big opportunity or you made a stupid

mistake. And now you sit replaying the

guilt/embarrassment/failure over and over and over again in your mind.

You are mentally hitting yourself.

Image courtesy of chris 論 (Own work) [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC BY-SA 3.0

(http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Acknowledge your mistake

(and prepare to move on)

Admit you screwed up, allow yourself to feel the pain, and then remind yourself that you are

human. You are not perfect and never will be.

Apologize

If you’re in the wrong, you know it, and this is one reason why you keep mentally

hitting yourself.

Don’t let your guilt fester and don’t procrastinate — hoping it will all just go away.

Take a deep breath, muster your courage,

and apologize promptly and sincerely.

Your mistakes don’t define you

(allow them to refine you)

Think about why you feel bad? Was this a one-time incident or is it something indicative of a shortcoming or defect you

dislike about yourself? Can you do something to address the issue?

Then start doing it!

Action will alleviate the discomfort and shift your perspective.

Running Mental Roadblocks

(accentuate the positive)

When you are feeling down, it’s hard to get motivated.

Think about a few of your closest friends. What admirable qualities do they possess? How do they

inspire you? Recall a particularly fun time you shared and savor the memory for a few moments.

If these great folks are your friends, you must have some pretty great qualities yourself!

Photo credit: zita952Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 License.

Boost Your Own Morale

Make a list of five things you like about yourself and five accomplishments that make you proud. It doesn’t have to include anything earth-shattering and can be as simple as noting that you have a good sense of humor, are an excellent Monopoly player, or can flip an omelette without a spatula.

The point is to force yourself to focus on your positives.

Do Something

Nice

Random acts of kindness make the world a better place and will make you feel better about yourself.

Donate a pint of blood, pick up trash in a park or at the beach, leave a dollar in the lotto machine, or let the person behind you go first at the DMV.

Put a little Stuart Smalley in

your day Though it may feel silly, treat yourself to an

internal pep talk à la Al Franken’s classic SNL character and his daily affirmations (“I’m good

enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me”).

Quit Hitting Yourself!

Take heart in the fact that if you feel rotten about your blunders, it means you actually care about who you are and how you are perceived. Self criticism is characteristic of growth, but there are limits. Obsessing about your errors does nothing to mitigate them or prevent recurrence. While we can all laugh at the Angel meme, or the Ace Ventura scene, or Ed Norton smacking himself around in Fight Club — you don’t want to let your internal Tyler Durden run amok.

• Produced by Deirdre Blake (Andersen), 2015, for the free use of anyone who’s got a problem with sticking themselves in the stocks or beating themselves over the head with a stick (figuratively, of course; if you are actually beating yourself over the head with a stick, seek medical attention immediately.)

• All images used under Wikimedia Commons and Creative Commons unrestricted licensing. Attribution included where applicable.