“Fundraising?Use these words,

not those”October 8, 2014

Host: NonProfit TimesConducted by: Herschell Gordon Lewis

Interlocutor: Paul Clolery

Fund raising folklore:Ours is a dignified world,

existing peacefully outside the roiling seas of

commerce.

Fund raising reality:Ours is a business whose very nature makes it at least as competitive as commerce … and very

probably more so.

If you’re a professional writer who wants to

increase effectiveness and impact, don’t look

for big differences. Look for hidden sources

of power drainage or apparently minor touches such as…

The professional copywriter knows how

3differs from

three(Little touches such as

this separate the professional from the

dilettante)

THECLARITY

COMMANDMENT

One element should drive every professional communication you create, from this moment forward:

The Clarity Commandment:

When you choose words and phrases for

force-communication,clarity is paramount.

Don’t let any other component of the

communications mix interfere with it.

Sorry, you won’t hear them during this

diatribe:• Paradigm• Proactive• Win-win• Game plan• 24/7• Fast track• Customer-

centric

• At the end of the day

• Core competency• Think outside the

box• Knowledge-based• On the same

page

Avoid these words in force-communication

messages:

• quality• service• value• needs (as noun)

•“Remember,”• What’s more• Your partner in…

•When it comes to…

What is a more emotional word or

phrase than:• commence• utilize• omit• receive• we would like to• large• you incur no risk• circular• donate

• purchase• fortunate• requested• I write concerning• we shall• error• perhaps• however• humorous

What is the difference between:

• autumn and fall• at last and

finally• sexy and sensual• nude and naked• made and

manufactured• manufactured by

and built by

• right now and at once

• reply and respond• insincere and not

sincere• eager and anxious• audience and

viewers• died and passed

away

Word use:Replace… with…must have toamong one ofutilize useperhaps maybebuy acquirepurchase ownspendallocatereceive get

Most impact-improving rules are

as simple as this one:

Replace passive voice with active

voice

Are you establishing a relationship as you ask for funds? Passive voice

adds distance for no beneficial reason:

“A reply from you would be appreciated.”

“We really do want your reaction.”

What is right…

and what is wrong…with this approach

to envelope treatment

?

Right: Provocative

copy and colors match the season.

Wrong:When a

prospect doesn’t

respond, a different

approach is in order.

If you’re a professional writer who wants to

increase effectiveness and impact, you know that synonyms aren’t

identical. For example, you know the

difference between “Can you…” and “Will

you…”:

Which has the most impact?► Can you help us?► Will you help us?

► Will you help these kids?► Help me.

► Help me, PLEASE.Or is it none of the above?

The answer will make sense to you in about 30 minutes.

Would you ask people to…

•give•donate•contribute•bestow•bequeath

YOU are in command of the reaction to your

words:“Attention, seniors: We are conducting a clinical

trial for…”“Attention, seniors: A

research organization is conducting a clinical

trial for…”

YOU are in command of the reaction to your

words:

“In the event of your death...”

“If you should die....”

YOU are in command of the reaction to your

words:

“You’re headed for trouble.”

“Are you headed for trouble?”

(Some rules for use of questions coming up.)

YOU are in command of the reaction to your

words:

Undocumented immigrant

Illegal alien

Which of these should produce better results?

• Every 60 seconds, 23 children die from malnutrition and preventable diseases.•This is Eric. His sister starved to death two days ago. Eric is next.

Would you use the word

Eschew?

When you could writeTurn your back on

?

WARNING:The typical recipient of your message, whether mail or

online or print or broadcast, doesn’t share your

knowledge of the “in-talk” that may be common inside

your office.Write within the recipient’s

experiential background, not yours.

A quick look at some of the

weapons in our arsenal:

The carrier envelope has just one purpose

(other than preventing the contents from falling out into the

street):

to get itself opened.

Two questions:1. Which of these is more likely to be

opened?2. What would the comparative attitude be

at the moment of opening?

Two questions:1. Will the typical recipient look at this envelope copy with suspicion?2. Does the “Multiply” line help or

hurt?

Saying too muchon the envelope

can damage response.

A quick look at the key selling

element of direct mail – the letter:

Some logicaland ridiculously

simple rulesfor

effective letter-writing

(and much email):

Keep your first sentence

short.

No paragraphslonger than

seven lines.

Single spacethe letter.

Double spacebetween paragraphs.

In a letter longer than one page,

don’tend a paragraph at the

bottom of any page except the last.

(Why?)

Don’tsneak up

on the reader.

Fireyour biggest gun

first.(Imperative for e-mail.)

Tired of “Dear Friend”?Try one of these:

• Good morning!• Hi.• Dear Colleague,• Dear Tennis Nut,• Dear Fellow Tennis Nut,• This will be a good day, [NAME]!• If you’re like I am, [NAME]…

(When should you useonly the first name?)

How doesHi.

Differ fromHi!?

The p.s. should reinforce one of the key

selling motivatorsor mention an extra

benefit ---one which doesn't

require explanation.

A quick look at online

fundraising:

An absolute rule of online fundraising:

Make responseno-brainer

easy.

In general,local

not-for-profit organizations do

considerably better with e-mail solicitations than

nationalnot-for-profit organizations.

Why?

Two reasons:1. The message can be

“from” a known individual.2. You have far less

guesswork in predetermining the best demographic, both

proved and unproved.

Did you know…•Adding the recipient’s name to the “Subject” line usually increases response.•Whether a produced message or straight text pulls best depends on individual and specific circumstances.•There is no point in sending “teaser” e-mail.

Astute fund raisers report success when e-mailing existing donors

with “Emergency!” messages.

E-mailing cold lists with the wrong words can

be frustrating, unprofitable, and the cause of hate-mail.

Can (and should) you use e-mail either to tell a potential donor a direct mail appeal is

coming…and/or…

to remind a potential donor after sending a direct mail

appeal?

Can (and should) you use e-mail either to tell a potential donor a direct mail appeal is

coming…and/or…

to remind a potential donor after sending a direct mail

appeal?

YES to both.

This online

message grabs

attention by putting emphasis on a non-donation

factor

A quick look at print as possible

fundraising media:

In print media,you have

one to three secondsto grab and hold

the reader’sattention.

Don’t waste that time.

What is the difference in impact between “While you read this” and “Even as you read this”? “providing relief” and “giving

relief”?Every word either contributes to

impact or marches in place.

Awareness

is a major key to

initiating the

response factor.

BUT…

Would you regard this as the optimum way to generate response?

You have time today to analyze fundraising

messages you’re working on now and

waiting for your fingertips to produce

improvement…and a lifetime for your fingertips to use what

you’re picking up today.

Pick up and use this -- Information optimizing:

Directing or changing the reader’s or viewer’s or listener’s perception without changing the

facts.

Information optimizing…

When should you useasterisks

(*)in fund raising copy?

Information optimizing…

When should you useasterisks

(*)in fund raising copy?

Never.

Information optimizing:

Questions are automatically

reader-involving.

Note the difference:

You won’t stand by and let it happen.

Will you stand by and let it happen?

(Note, too: The choice is NOT automatic.)

A fund raising example:— Why I am sending you this message:— Why am I sending you this message?

The psychological impact of the headings is in no

way parallel, even though the words are identical.

Information optimizing:

Transforming a command into a

question not only dissipates latent antagonism but

promotes rapport.

Requests for donations should be described in terms of the potential donor’s

capability…NOT

the organization’s financial goals.

An absolute truism of force-communication:

Specificsoutpull

generalizations.

Please do agree:21st century fund raising demands more than the

classic true but worn“We need help”

approach.And examples are more involving than statistics.

The superiority of examples over

statistics:

Statistics = cold-blooded, no involvement.

Examples = warm-blooded, involvement.

First pass:If treated early, 75% of

those children who have this deadly disease can be saved.

Second pass:Innocent children die from this disease. With early treatment,

three out of four will live. Third pass:

This deadly disease is killing innocent children. With early treatment we can save three

precious lives, of four we're now losing.

Fourth pass:We lost Jimmy today. His parents knew his precious days were numbered. But

Mary, Karen, and Billy all will live. We were able to start

their treatment early enough to save them.

Which text is most likely to generate response?

Why?

And aswe end,

some more

words…

Quick list of “no-no” words:

•unfortunately•many of you•enroll•annual•hopefully•survey

•needy•giver•support•expense•budget•serve

Power words (depending on circumstances):

•outrageous•hope•opinion•advisor• free•dare

•win•demand• forget•unwanted•never•dead

A few words that can bring serendipitous response:

•relief•support•benefit/ beneficial•celebrate•hero

•reward•culture•pain•pleasure•expand/ expansion

Let’s use two of those serendipitous words for this get-

together:•It’s a pleasure to wrap this up.•It’s a relief to wrap this up.

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