Upload
asriveroflife
View
196
Download
2
Tags:
Embed Size (px)
Citation preview
Strong
You Are
Honorable Mention
2011
Andre Sobel
Award
Kara Gay
What I needed from others when I was ill: Notes from someone who has been there
Please "Understand":
Understand what's going on inside of my head might be different from what's inside of my
heart.
Understand that my emotions are multifaceted and complicated; I am on a constant emotional
roller coaster.
Understand that I worry not only about my medical status but also my social, educational,
spiritual status.
Understand that I see the bills come in the mail and hear the conversations about money; I too
worry about my families' financial hardships created from medical bills.
Understand that anger is going to rear it head at times: anger at God (why me), anger at
parents (why can't you make this go away and protect me); anger at friends (why are you
backing away from me); anger at siblings (why are you still doing all of the normal things when
I can't).
Understand that I feel lonely at times even when surrounded by others: parents who I don't
think can fully understand and friends who come to visit but do not know what to say and
suddenly seem like strangers.
Essay
Understand that I need unconditional support and love at
all times: when I explode with anger, when I pout in
silence, when I am physically exhausted, and, of course, when I am happy and optimistic.
Understand that I need hugs at the right time but given some space at other times.
Understand that I do want to talk but sometimes I just need silence (when I am too
overwhelmed to talk or think about my cancer anymore).
Understand that cancer is an overwhelming diagnosis for a teenager; while I have positively
adapted, cancer did turn my life upside down.
Understand that the scars on both sides of my neck, sternum, and stomach do affect my
physical appearance at an age when appearance is often given too much priority.
Understand that going to the beach in a bikini is hard to deal with at times due to the stares of
strangers (I can tell people are wondering what kind of surgery I must have had or what must
be wrong with me).
Understand how I have grown to accept my body, scars and all; I am not the insecure girl who
wanted to wear only turtle necks in winter or high neck halters in summer.
Understand that I get tired of hearing my cancer enter into so many conversions that my
parents have with others.
Understand that I want to decide my own medical path and have a say in how often and when I
get follow-‐up scans or needed surgery.
Essay
Understand that I place my medical needs on the highest level, but I want to place my current
life needs on a high level (when I want to delay surgery around a test at school that is really
okay)
Understand that I need to challenge myself physically (maybe to prove to myself that I can be
normal): I do not want you to worry when I fly as a high school cheerleader in a stunt; do a
back handspring in a tumbling routine; decide to learn to scuba dive as my senior project.
Understand that I need to experience the challenges of school on my own sometimes: let me
talk to the teachers about my missed classes and assignments and don't rush in to rescue me
or take over for me.
Understand that I still have all of the normal teenager hormonal issues but even more
amplified at times by my cancer.
Understand that I want things to go back the way they used to be (I know intellectually that
this is not possible while emotionally this continues to be such a strong desire).
Understand that I ache because none of the boys ask me out for dates but instead ask my
friends (it hurts that no one really jumps to date a girl with cancer).
Understand that I hate hurting and not knowing why: (is it from internal scar tissue, from
autonomic nervous system damage after surgery, from side effects from chemotherapy, or
from a new tumor?)
Understand how hard it is to have increased dependence on parents just when I was supposed
to be getting more independence.
Understand that my mind often races into the future with stress: How will I keep my grades up
when missing so much school? Will I still be able to go to college or get into the right college
for me? Will anyone ever want to marry me? Will I ever be able to forget about cancer and just
live life like a "normal person"?
Understand that I am in this fight to win over cancer but sometimes I need a break from
hearing the word cancer.
Please, please "Understand":
Understand that I want lots of time to do things and share moments that are not cancer
related. Understand that I so want time to just be a teenager (not a teen with cancer), just to
be a family member (not the daughter or the sister with cancer), just to be a friend (not the
friend with cancer).
Understand that I am determined to achieve all of my educational, career, and personal goals; I
do treasure help in staying focused and positive in my journey to reach those goals.
Understand that I indeed cherish prayers, love, support, and devotion that I receive from
others.
Understand that cancer is just a disease, and it does not define my life.
Understand that I am a person who can and will overcome the obstacles created by cancer.
Understand that I have received many gifts and blessings in life that have come because of the
cancer not just in spite of the cancer.
Understand that I love life, and I will continue to love life, fight cancer, and win!
Understand my whole self!
Understand me!
Understand!