5 Reasons Why Social Media Is Ruining Your Marriage

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Is Social Media Causing Your Marriage Problems?

With the popularity of social media on the rise, research is beginning to show a direct corre-

lation between the high volume of usage and the rise in marital problems. Many people

spend too much time on social outlets and not enough time working on areas of their mar-

riage that may be suffering from neglect and inattention. As you take advantage of the

speed of communication and the networking available at the click of the mouse, remain vigi-

lant to the areas of your marriage that might fall victim.

Facebook, for example, has become the most popular website to use to reconnect with old

friends and family around the world. This activity has become ingrained into daily routines

and some spouses are experiencing turmoil as they deal with the renewing of old relation-

ships by their spouses. The convenience of finding old flames and friends and the amount of

time spent on these social websites can cause problems to arise in a marriage.

Divorce attorneys use the posts on Facebook to fine evidence of infidelity and conversations

about problems occurring in a marriage. 66% of these attorneys admitted that they do pe-

ruse Facebook for information to help their clients with divorce cases and 81% have seen a

rapid rise in the references to Facebook posts being used as evidence in cases in the last five

years.






Marriage takes dedication and hard work by both parties. You both must focus on fulfilling

the commitment that you made to honor and cherish each other at all times, not just when it

is convenient for you or the internet is down. If you are experiencing some problems in your

marriage or you and your spouse constantly have “discussions” about your activity on the so-

cial media outlets, this might be a good time for evaluation and reflection about how social

media might be causing problems in your marriage.

Using social media makes illicit behavior easier and more convenient to the wandering

spouse. Instead of going to clubs and other areas to meet people willing to engage in an

affair, today’s cheating spouses are using the internet. It offers anonymity and a vast pool of

potential partners searching for illicit affairs. There is less risk of being suspected and caught

in this destructive behavior.

Marital problems that are based in wayward online behavior usually begin quite innocently.

Connecting with an old high school friend may begin by exchanging up- dated information

but can quickly turn into emotional sharing and communicating that should be reserved for a

spouse. The sharing of personal thoughts and dreams can deepen the sense of intimacy and

can lead down the road to a more intense, physical relationship between the reunited

friends. The spouse doesn’t intentionally begin the contact for the wrong reasons, but if con-

versations take place with the old friend more often than the spouse, then problems can

arise very quickly. Even though the beginning of this reconnection is innocent, after feelings

begin to develop, the continuation of the “friendship” should be stopped. When one spouse

tries to get needs met outside of the marriage vows, problems are just around the corner.

This spouse is making a deliberate decision to share his emotional love with someone other

than his partner; this will not meet his needs nor will it make his marriage stronger. This is

called an emotional affair which can do as much damage as a physical affair.






If a couple is working as a team, the communications and intimacy aspects of their marriage

are strong and no outside support is needed. The couple respects the needs and feelings of

each other and encourages individual growth and development. If these two important parts

of the marriage are weak, each individual may be selfish and try to get what they desire from

each other instead of being supportive.

A good question to ask as you evaluate your relationship as it relates to social media is “am I

talking to someone outside our marriage more than I am talking to my spouse?” If you are

confused or don’t know the answer to this question, then ask your spouse for his input. He

will be appreciative of the fact that you asked him and will help you find an honest answer.

Be prepared to make some changes if the answer to the question is yes. You should never dis-

cuss important personal issues with anyone other than your spouse, especially if it directly

affects them. Discussing this concern before discontent sets in, can make your marriage

stronger and can start a sensitivity that promotes new growth in your relationship. Find a

quiet, private place so that you can talk about social media and how it affects your marriage

without being embarrassed. It is very important to be proactive in dealing with problems

that one spouse may perceive in the marriage. The emotional support needed in a healthy

relationship can be provided with open and honest discussions thus eliminating the need for

assistance from outside the marriage.

To build strong trust in a relationship, it is important to disclose all online conversations,

friends, and online activity. Share passwords and access keys to the social media accounts

like Facebook, Twitter, and Google. You can still respect each other’s privacy while providing

access to your social sites. If you have nothing to hide, then you won’t mind your spouse be-

ing able to see your accounts. Trust and honesty are the cornerstones of a good marriage so

work hard to keep these viable in your relationship. If one partner does not want to share

this access, there may be trust issues that stir an underlying current of trouble in the mar-

riage. Exploring this tide of mistrust early can prevent a tragic ending.






If you feel after beginning the evaluation process of your social media activity, that it is ad-

versely affecting your marriage, you can take some steps to prevent any further damage.

Begin by unfriending those who are a temptation to you. Examples of dangerous liaisons are

old flames and other individuals searching for “something” to fill a need they are experienc-

ing. Next, have your computer screen so that it can be seen by your spouse whenever you

are online. Don’t minimize your window if your spouse walks by. If you are ordering a sur-

prise for a birthday or holiday, then that should not be a problem. All of your activity should

be available for your spouse to see. Avoid chatting online late at night or when your spouse is

away from home. This can be common sense for your safety as well. You don’t want the en-

tire web to know that you are home alone. It’s also a smart idea to set time limitations for

your internet use. You will want to have time in the evenings after a long day to discuss

events with your spouse.

Devoting too much time to any type of activity can harm your relationship with your spouse.

This includes spending a great amount of time on social media outlets. It causes distress with

your spouse and has become one of the largest problems that married couples face today. As

couples, we strive to find enough quality time to spend with our spouse and yet, we have

very little trouble finding enough time to browse the internet for long periods of time. Partic-

ipating in online activities can become addictive if you aren’t careful; commit to spend more

time with your spouse. On Facebook, users spend over 500 billion minutes a month in vary-

ing activities. Whether it’s a game-oriented activity, browsing profiles, or chatting with

friends, it’s valuable time spent away from a spouse. Many people lose track of time while

they are engaged in internet activities which can build up tensions between spouses. Face-to

-face personal time is limited and friendly discussions are lost in cyberspace conversations

that take place sometimes with strangers. The key to a successful marriage is constant and

caring communications and when this suffers, the relationship suffers.






Most Facebook users have an average of 130 friends who range from old boyfriends/

girlfriends, past love interests, nosy in-laws, toxic co-workers, and family friends who have

nothing better to do than cause problems among “friends.” When these people are online

chatting, they are taking away real time interactions between spouses. The marriage of the

couple is affected in a negative way many times and problems arise that would never have

arisen had the internet user turned off the computer a little earlier.

Information on these social media sites is passed from person to person at a rapid rate of

speed and many times with inaccuracy. Spouses find themselves regretting something that

they have said or second guessing the intent of a post. If a post is made regarding one’s

spouse that includes complaints or negative comments, the marriage will be adversely affect-

ed and tensions will be created. Each day, users normally contribute 70 pieces of information

on Facebook each month. With this level of activity, miscommunication occurs, comments

are misread, and inappropriate comments are posted. Sometimes too much information is

provided about a personal situation; the result of this action is an angry, hurt and embar-

rassed spouse.

Many social media users forget the fact that the entire world can see and respond to com-

ments posted on accounts. For couples over the age of thirty, this can be the first online ac-

tivity in which they have participated. Trying to understand the online community and navi-

gate through the myriad of choices and selections to make can be confusing and uncertain.

Remember that online is not the place for jokes or “just kidding” comments. Intonations and

meanings cannot be completely portrayed online thus many feelings of ill well can be fos-

tered.






Couples should discuss how to establish boundaries for common

sense for postings online. This will facilitate a better plan for using

social media websites for positive and educational reasons. You

don’t want to have a constant argument about the use of social me-

dia in your home. Select your friends carefully and agree to be con-

servative with the types of posts you make that represent you as a

person and the two of you as a couple. Make this a win-win situa-

tion for you and your spouse.

A social media website is not the place to air your dirty, personal laundry that can cause embarrassment

to your marriage or your spouse. Even if you think you are kidding, the intent will be perceived as rude and

cruel. The entire web should not see any negativity in your marriage; always make posts that are positive

and uplifting. Accentuating the positive aspects of a marriage will make it stronger and cause it to grow

and deepen. Think of your marriage as a team effort with you and your spouse as team members. Togeth-

er, the two of you can achieve your goals and dreams if you encourage each other and truly care about the

progress you are making as a winning team.

Be careful what you share about your life as a couple online with others. There are anniversaries, birth-

days, celebratory occasions, and other events that we want to share online. Your friends and family will

want to share your happiness with you and sharing those accomplishments up to a point is acceptable.

Reserve the intimate details of your marriage for the privacy of your home environment. Some things are

better shared only between the two of you not the entire world. Keep the special things “special” and

don’t dilute the importance of the occasion by telling every breathing person the details.






Each spouse should carefully check the friends list of the other. Locate people with whom

you feel uncomfortable and unfriend them. If online friends are making vulgar or inappro-

priate comments, consider hiding their comments or deleting them all together. Discuss

with your spouse any conversations or attempts at chat that people make that cause you

stress or concern. In today’s world as we travel online and meet people that we don’t re-

ally know much about, our personal safety should be at the top of our list when accepting

friends. Your spouse may become upset if you reveal personal information like addresses,

telephone numbers, or daily activity that lets people know that you are home alone or you

are away from home. Never tell things that a criminal element might be watching for ill

will or gain. Decide with your spouse early on the type and amount of personal infor-

mation that should and should not be shared online. Any contact on a social media outlet

that strains or causes stress in your relationship with your spouse is not worth keeping.

It is a good practice to demonstrate on your social media accounts that you are very hap-

pily married. Include pictures of you and your spouse in your online photo albums. Men-

tion them frequently and introduce them to your friends just as you would in a real life sit-

uation. Establish in a very convincing way that you are married and are not seeking any

liaisons of any sort. Let your marriage come through in all of your posts and comments.

If the choice comes down to participating in social media or working on your marriage,

you should always choose the latter. Don’t ever take your marriage for granted or put it

second to your social media accounts. Neglect of your partner can cause boredom, loneli-

ness, and a craving for attention and conversation. Spend quality time each day with your

spouse one-on-one and put the computer in its proper place. Your online friends should

come second to your spouse who is the love of your life. Don’t let interruptions and trivial

discussions take time from your marriage.





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5 Reasons Why Social Media Is Ruining Your Marriage