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HOW TO READ PEOPLE HOW TO READ PEOPLE John Glenning John Glenning January 28, 2015 January 28, 2015 How To Read People-John Glenning How To Read People-John Glenning 1

How To Read People

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Page 1: How To Read People

HOW TO READ PEOPLEHOW TO READ PEOPLE

John GlenningJohn GlenningJanuary 28, 2015January 28, 2015

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PROLOUGE PROLOUGE

I have had the opportunity observed and learn from people who have an innate ability to read people

I find it fastinating watching and learning from these people

It is a skill many can learn, but few can master

If you can master it, you will be able to develop a deep understanding of others

This is not an original work of myself.

This is a compilation of the works of others

I am claiming no Copyrights

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INTRODUCTIONINTRODUCTION

1. Reading People is an Art-Form

2. There is no quick way in learning to read people

3. You need to first build a proper foundation

4. You first need to understand your-self before you can even hope to read people

5. The first step in learning how to read people is gaining a general understanding of the makeup of others and surprisingly…yourself.

6. Without understanding the walls people build up around themselves, as well as the barriers that we put in our own

way, we will never be able to successfully read people.

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BACKGROUNDBACKGROUND

People are Like Onions

1.When it comes to revealing ourselves to others, people are very much like a four-layered onion.

2.The outermost layer is that part of our personality that we reveal to strangers - the most superficial aspects of who we really are. An example of this can be seen when we talk with a stranger sitting next to us on a bus. Trivial topics like the weather, current events, sights and sounds around us are typical things we feel willing to talk about.

3.Around our friends and some acquaintances we feel comfortable enough to peel back that outermost layer to reveal the next one. If you were chatting with a coworker, you would probably feel more comfortable revealing more about yourself, your attitudes towards work, certain emotions and your general thoughts about life.

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BACKGROUNDBACKGROUND

5. The third layer is reserved for those with whom we have an intimate relationship with, such as a close friend or spouse. In many cases, intimate relationships take time to develop and with that time, trust is earned. Imagine now sitting on that same bus next to your spouse or significant other. The depth of what you reveal this time is much greater than any previous layer. Your goals, personal problems and fears and so on, all fall within this layer.

6. The fourth and innermost layer contains that part of ourselves that we don’t share with anyone. It contains our deepest and sometimes darkest thoughts and secrets that we would rather not acknowledge. The fact that we are trying to come to terms with many of these things makes us uncomfortable sharing them with others.

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BACKGROUNDBACKGROUND

7. The extent to which you can ‘read’ someone is determined by how many of their layers you’re able to get them to reveal.

8. Here is a little secret. A person will reveal their layers in direct proportion to what you reveal

9. This is the onion theory in a nutshell.

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REMOVING OUR OWN REMOVING OUR OWN BARRIERSBARRIERS

1. The second part of preparing ourselves to read people involves removing the barriers that keep us from accurately people-reading. The two barriers are our prejudices and our projections.

2. When people think of prejudice, mostly the racial kind comes to mind. Anytime you make an opinion, whether it is positive or negative, without knowledge or examination of the facts, you are being prejudiced.

3. Whenever you come up with some preconceived notion based on things such as race, color, political alignment or even the way people dress, it taints your ability to accurately read others.

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REMOVING OUR OWN REMOVING OUR OWN BARRIERSBARRIERS

4. Our prejudices can be based on our fears, feeling threatened, upbringing or a myriad of other things.

5. Closely related to prejudice is projection. In the late 50’s Leon Festinger coined a phrase called “Cognitive Dissonance” which can basically be described as the human tendency to close ones’ eyes and minds’ to things that are uncomfortable or disturbing. We tend to ‘project’ our view onto a situation because it is easier to deal with.

6. For example, a parent noticing a child’s slipping grades, lack of appetite and tendency to come home late, might try to shrug it off as puberty or new-found love when it’s clear to everyone else that it may be a drug problem – something that the parent is unwilling to accept.

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OBJECTIVITYOBJECTIVITY

1. The key to effectively reading people is by being completely objective

2. Overcoming our biases, prejudices and projections allows us to be completely objective.

3. The last important step is learning to be patient.

4. Don’t fail to see the big picture.

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OBJECTIVITYOBJECTIVITY

5. The key to effectively reading people is by being completely objective

6. Overcoming our biases, prejudices and projections allows us to be completely objective.

7. The last important step is learning to be patient.

8. Don’t fail to see the big picture. It’s the same thing in learning to read people.

9. As you learn the techniques to interpret peoples’ body language and environment resist the urge to jump to conclusions.

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OBJECTIVITYOBJECTIVITY

10. If you think for example that they are defensive because they have their arms folded - well maybe they’re sitting under an air condition vent and they’re simply cold.

11. Are they lying because they’re fidgeting and seem nervous? Well, possibly they need to go to the bathroom real bad. In other words, hold off until later to make your final decision.

12. Reading people is as much a science as it is an art. The science deals with an understanding of the mechanics and principles involved in people reading

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OBJECTIVITYOBJECTIVITY

13. For example, you study all the cold, hard facts about what a specific mannerism could mean, what a certain tone of voice might suggest or how the context of a persons environment may influence their behavior.

13. Once the principles are understood, open up the right brain - that part of yourself that does not think in terms of linear thought, words or mathematics, but instead with patterns, colors and abstracts. This is the art.

14. Those who are successful at combining the two become amazing people readers.

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OBJECTIVITYOBJECTIVITY

15. There is no replacement for practice. You could read all the books

out there on body language, vocal interpretation, lie detection, etc. and still not be a great reader of people.

16. You must come up with the passion to put them to work.

17. As you practice these techniques and adopt the mindset, that the passion will naturally develop and many of these things will become instinctual.

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THE 4 PRINCIPLES OF READING THE 4 PRINCIPLES OF READING PEOPLEPEOPLE

1. Establish the Baseline

2. Recognize Patterns

3. Challenge and Refine Your Assumptions

4. Make a Decision

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ESTABLISH THE BASELINEESTABLISH THE BASELINE

1. Establishing the baseline is the first step. When you’re starting to read someone, begin by studying their behavior. Ask yourself if how they are acting at this moment reflects their typical way of being.

2. If a person is in a comfortable, familiar environment and surrounded by those who know them intimately, it’s a safe bet that they are in a baseline state. This will become your standard from which you will make your assumptions.

3. If you’re in a situation where it doesn’t offer this opportunity, then you need to wait it out. Time will help you notice what the person’s average behavior is.

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ESTABLISH THE BASELINEESTABLISH THE BASELINE

4. This is best practiced with someone that you know. Pick someone, like a coworker at your office. For the next week study them. I carry what I call an ‘observation journal’ with me. Try to figure out what their baseline is.

5. Any deviation from the norm is something you should record and be aware of. Because we all have our good and bad days, with time you’ll begin to see how they normally act.

6. Because our minds can only consciously process a limited amount of data at one time it becomes very selective in what it | brings to our attention.

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ESTABLISH THE BASELINEESTABLISH THE BASELINE

7. What you should be looking for? You should be looking for Patterns, Trends, A Theme.

8. As you begin analyzing people, look for ‘clusters’ - groups of related signals - that coincide with a specific behavior or state of mind.

9. Single traits by themselves, rarely tell the whole story of what a person is all about. It’s not until you broaden your view to include the whole picture, will you begin to correctly analyze someone.

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ESTABLISH THE BASELINEESTABLISH THE BASELINE

10. If success with this is your goal, then it is so important that you learn to see in patterns.

11. When you discover these consistencies, it is a safe bet that you are onto something that will reveal the person to you.

12. Patterns begin with the first impression and continue onward. As you combine the first impression with specific tells, behavior, vocal attributes and their environment, you are well on your way to reading them correctly.

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READING THE FIRST READING THE FIRST IMPRESSIONIMPRESSION

1. Snap judgments are, first of all, enormously quick: they rely on the thinnest slices of experience…they are also unconscious.

2. We thin-slice because we have to and we come to rely on that ability because there are lots of hidden problems out there, lots of situations where careful attention to the details of a very thin slice, even for no more than a second or two, can tell us an awful lot.

3. These ‘thin-slices’ of experience from which we draw our conclusions are many times incorrect. Control the ‘blink’ response and retrain your brain, consciously at first, to look for meaning behind the impression. Through experience, this blink response will become very accurate.

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READING THE FIRST READING THE FIRST IMPRESSIONIMPRESSION

4. When you begin sizing them up, don’t overlook anything. This is where you notice the small details about the person: their hair, their walk, their fingernails, their body language, the clothes they wear. Always ask yourself, “what is this telling me?”.

5. Hair can tell a lot about a person. In women, short stylish hair could denote someone who is creative, artistic or expressive. Because maintaining perfectly styled hair is expensive, it may signify wealth. If that isn’t the case, then their willingness to spend a lot of their money to maintain their hair might show vanity or a need for acceptance, even insecurity.

6. Less styled short hair on the other hand could mean practicality.

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READING THE FIRST READING THE FIRST IMPRESSIONIMPRESSION

7. For men, professionally styled hair usually goes hand in hand with the desire to show status and power. If combined with expensive clothing and accessories, this is usually a sure bet. Most men do not have the time or desire to regularly have their hair styled at a professional salon. Because it deviates from the norm, this is a good example of something to look out for.

8. Every detail of a person’s appearance can offer further clues into their interests, beliefs, emotions and values.

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READING THE FIRST READING THE FIRST IMPRESSIONIMPRESSION

9. Any trait that stands out from the baseline, needs to be noted. Note that a deviation from the baseline is not only things that stand out on the individual, but how that person stands out as a whole compared to what the norm is around them. With extremes in appearance you might ask yourself: are they seeking attention, trying to imitate someone they look up to, being rebellious, are they self-centered and are insensitive to others, have they just not been taught how to dress and act in an appropriate way or do they just lack common sense?

10. Be aware of things like physical characteristics, jewelry, makeup, clothing, accessories, hygiene, and piercings/tattoos etc. Again ask yourself, “what is this telling me?”.

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BODY LANGUAGEBODY LANGUAGE

1. Since the 1970’s, Body Language in began to see crossed legs, folded arms, facial tics - specific behavioral traits - in a whole new light. Even in our time, a generation later, many people are still conscious about crossing their arms in meeting so as not to appear ‘closed’.

2. Body language can only be correctly analyzed when viewed against the first two principles of reading people: finding the baseline and recognizing patterns. Thinking that you’ll be able to ‘make’ someone off of one or two bodily quirks, is not realistic. You want to look for consistency. Body language is only effective as you begin to observe more of the person’s character and to know their character you must recognize patterns, not just in their body language, but in everything that has to do with them.

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Bundling the Behaviors: Noticing the Patterns of Action

1. A good determinate of a person’s core personality is how they act when they don’t have to ‘act’.

2. Take the workplace for example. Is he polite and charming to his subordinates when the boss is around only to show his true colors when she leaves?

3. Seeing how a person behaves in different situations will help you to further understand what they are all about.

4. Study their interaction with different people, such as with children, co-workers, normal day-to-day people, their family and friends. This will tell you a lot about them.

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Bundling the Behaviors: Noticing The Patterns of Action

5. The saying, “You can tell how a man will treat you by the way he treats his mother”, although not always the case, does have a measure of truth to it.

6. Many of us have been on dates where they are wonderfully polite and charming with you, only underhandedly being rude to or badmouthing the people serving you.

7. Watch for veiled acts of inconsistency. Their charming, delightful personality may not be so charming and delightful as the novelty of the relationship wears off.

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Bundling the Behaviors: Noticing The Patterns of Action

8. People behave a certain way based on their wants, needs, or values. We tend to project these values and wants on others because it is a source of validation.

9. Athletes value those with strength and stamina. Artists value the creativity in others.

10. If your way of showing love is buying others gifts, then I would bet when people buy you gifts you feel loved too.

11. What someone consistently does for others or seeks out in them can be a big help in determining what they desire or value.

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Beyond the Words: What People Are Really Saying

1. Vocal attributes play an important role in determining what someone is really saying. These traits in many cases contain hidden messages that require you to pay attention.

2. Someone with a loud voice may indicate a need to control their environment. They use their voice to intimidate and dominate. Sometimes it can be for reasons of trying to compensate for something they think they’re lacking.

3. Realize that a loud voice could also mean a loss of hearing or that they’re inebriated. Remember to take everythinginto consideration.

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Beyond the Words: What People Are Really Saying

4. A soft voice also could have different meanings. Don’t immediately dismiss the person as someone who lacks confidence. It may mean they’re tired or depressed. It may show that they have a calm-assurance about them. It may also show their arrogance in the sense that they feel you need to listen more if you want to know what they’re saying.

5. Look for the matching of one’s vocal attributes, with their body language and words.

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Beyond the Words: What People Are Really Saying

6. Understanding verbal gymnastics is the other half of what people are communicating in their speech patterns. For example, always question why someone is leading you towards or away from a topic of conversation. Are they showing conceit by trying to find an opportunity to brag? Are they showing compassion through their leading away from gossiping about someone?

7. Look for the matching of one’s vocal attributes, with their body language and words. The way someone answers can also be used to control or direct a conversation. Try to interpret why they could be rambling, changing the subject, giving a long drawn-out or a short answer or not simply not responding at all.

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Beyond the Words: What People Are Really Saying

8. Question deviations from the norm.

9. Someone who rarely uses profanity might, with specific people,use it frequently. This could indicate they’re seeking acceptance, or trying to present themselves as someone they’re not.

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Interpreting Their EnvironmentInterpreting Their Environment

1. One of the best sources of people reading is the person’s environment.

2. So many clues can be discovered here, such as hints about their job, education, religion, culture, hobbies, marital and family status, political alignment, friends, and wealth.

3. You’d be surprised at what someone can learn about you, just from them reading your environment, that it can be quite embarrassing.

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Interpreting Their EnvironmentInterpreting Their Environment

4. Most of our time is spent at home or at work, these areas provide an accurate source of reading into peoples lives. If you can get exposed to both of these areas, and compare the two, very precise conclusions can be made about them. 5. Noticing a discrepancy between their work and home environment, shows that their public image is quite different from their private one.

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The WorkplaceThe Workplace

1. Reading the workplace environment starts with thegeographical location of someone’s home in relation to their work.

2. A father who moves his family downtown to be close to work could indicate that he’s a workaholic, is self-centered or ambitious.

3. However, the close proximity might also show that the parents are interested in providing their children easy exposure to cultural opportunities or that the shorter commute means more time with his family.

4. It is through studying both the home and workplace that a more telling story will develop.

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The WorkplaceThe Workplace

5. Study the job itself.

6. Why do you think they’ve chosen it? What does it tell about the person? Their education or drive? The fact that they’re a medical doctor may show a desire to help others, indicating someone who’s compassionate.

7. They might only be interested in the status of such a job.

8. The items at the workplace that people surround | themselves with are also very telling. To give you an idea, consider some of these items:

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The WorkplaceThe Workplace

9. Do they keep fresh flowers or plants? This indicates a person who loves nature or is sensitive to beauty. It may also show that they’re health conscious.

10. Calendars are good indicators of hobbies, interests, or sense of humor.

11. Having novels or magazines not connected to the job do show personal interests. It also can show that their mind is not on the job.

12. Leaving them lying on the desk can where the boss will surely notice, may show a lack of judgment.

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The WorkplaceThe Workplace

13. What a person keeps in their immediate view also provides | answers.

14. Having multiple pictures of his children in different stages of their lives shows his love for family.

15. If there’s not one of his wife, it may indicate a divorce, a strained relationship, or that he’s are embarrassed about her looks.

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The HomeThe Home

1. Because the home is where the heart is, a person’s living area reveals volumes about them.

2. Consider the location, the neighborhood and the items within and without.

3. Some important items to consider are books and reading material, items on the refrigerator, collections, photos, artwork, children’s toys.

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The HomeThe Home

4. Take note of the layout and decorations of the home. Someone who wears very expensive clothes, but has a very humble home, may reveal a desire to appear differently to others. Look for things where a person’s home is in contrast to their public persona. The bigger the gap the greater the desire to appear a certain way.

5. Take note of the layout and decorations of the home. Someone who wears very expensive clothes, but has a very humble home, may reveal a desire to appear differently to others.

6. Look for things where a person’s home is in contrast to their public persona. The bigger the gap the greater the desire to appear a certain way.

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The AutomobileThe Automobile

1. Like the home and workplace, a persons car will reveal a lot about them. But as always, take it in comparison to everything else. Like clothes, having an expensive well-maintained automobile may at first indicate wealth, but taken in context with a run-down home may again show a desire to maintain a certain public image.

2. A messy, disorganized car usually indicates a messy, disorganized person. I also tend to notice the little sticker that oil-change shops put on the upper left corner of the windshield. Seeing the actual car’s mileage being much greater than the mileage indicated by the sticker may show a lack of awareness, complacency or laziness

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The Social EnvironmentThe Social Environment

1. Where do they spend their free time and who with? Where a person tends to regularly ‘hang out’ as well as the company one keeps will tell you more details of their personality and interests.

2. A persons socioeconomic environment and background is a major key to determining one’s behavior. Remember to be aware of your prejudice.

3. Prejudice may taint your ability to read someone successfully. As with everything else, the socioeconomic environment needs to be considered within the context of everything else.

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Delving Deeper Through the Art of Questioning

1. Through the process of recognizing patterns and refining your assumptions, there comes a time where you need to delve deeper.

2. The types of questions that should be asked are those which help confirm or contradict the assumptions that you’ve made throughout this process.

3. Don’t make it sound like an interrogation. Do however, make it a natural part of the conversation. 4. Remember to ’seek first to understand, then to be understood’

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Making your Decision

1. After all the cards are laid on the table, and you have established the baseline, recognized patterns, and challenged and refined your assumptions through questioning, then and only then should you make a final decision.

2. It’s the combination of many details pointing in the same direction that will remind you that you’re on track.

3. Being that reading people is a science and an art, use the facts that have presented themselves and couple it with your intuition. If you do this, you will rarely be wrong about someone.

4. Practice will create this passion.

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Human communicationHuman communication

1. Human communication is an extremely complex exchange.

2. While speaking, a person produces around 75-100 verbal and nonverbal cues per second.

3. With the average person capable of only processing around 7 bits of information at one time, it’s no wonder that so many of us can be deceived!

4. Because of our apparent limitation in conscious processing, the average person can only detect lies with about 50% accuracy.

5. While speaking, a person produces around 75-100 verbal and nonverbal cues per second.

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Human communicationHuman communication

6. With the average person capable of only processing around 7 bits of information at one time, it’s no wonder that so many of us can be deceived!

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The Principles of Lie DetectionThe Principles of Lie Detection

1. The process of detecting lies is found in Behavior Analysis.

2. For the purpose of lie detection, behavior analysis is the study of the verbal and nonverbal cues of truthfulness.

3. Since lie detection is a subset of reading people, it follows the same 4 principles as previously discussed

4. Establish a baseline behavior in your subject - make note of any deviation (this is THE KEY to lie detection!!)

5. Recognize the related clusters (patterns) of deception

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The Principles of Lie DetectionThe Principles of Lie Detection

6. Challenge and refine your assumptions through observation and questioning

7. Make your decision

8. Unlike what you may at first suspect, you are in fact first studying what truth looks and sounds like, not deception. After establishing how they behave when they’re being truthful (the baseline), you’ll be able to recognize any departure from this ‘normal’ state - which may be a lie!

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The Principles of Lie DetectionThe Principles of Lie Detection

8. To understand how this works, let’s study an example. Assume you

are dealing with a used-car salesman and you want to make sure that he’s not selling you a lemon. Begin by creating a framework of non-invasive questions to establish his normal, baseline behavior. Essentially you want to ask questions in which you’re sure he’ll tell the truth. It may go something like this:

YOU: Now, if I decide I want this car today, what are the steps I need to take?

HIM: explains to you…

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The Principles of Lie DetectionThe Principles of Lie Detection

9. YOU: So, how long have you been in business? (he’s unlikely to lie

since this can be confirmed, if he does then you already have your answer)

10. HIM: He goes on to tell about the history of the place

11. YOU: Since I’m in the area today, what restaurants do you recommend? What kind of food do they serve?

12. HIM: He tells you about his favorite place.

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The Principles of Lie DetectionThe Principles of Lie Detection

13. If you noticed, none of these questions were invasive.

14. He has no incentive to lie about these things.

15. While you are listening to him, pay attention to his voice, eyes, body language and facial expressions. Where does he look when he’s describing his favorite dish? What are his hands doing as he’s explaining? What’s the general pitch and tone of his voice? Is he leaning toward or away from you? Does he tend to overly gesticulate?

16. When you feel pretty confident that you recognize his baseline, you can now ask him the questions that you really want to know.

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The Principles of Lie DetectionThe Principles of Lie Detection

17. These will be questions about the quality and history of the car, it’s maintenance record, etc.

18. It’s at this point that you want to look for those patterns that aren’t in harmony with his baseline.

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The Verbal Clusters of DeceptionThe Verbal Clusters of Deception

Verbal clusters are generally the least reliable of all the deception patterns. When combined with the other clusters, they can improve detection accuracy. The main issue with verbal patterns is that they can be rehearsed, but this can be avoided through spontaneous questioning. General Verbal Responses:

1. May take longer to start answering 2. May answer to quickly or before the question is completed 3. Often ask the questioner to repeat the question or they repeat it themselves 4. Overly polite or apologetic dialog 5. Persistent complaints 6. Unnatural silence

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The Behavioral Clusters of The Behavioral Clusters of DeceptionDeception

Deceptive people follow certain behavioral patterns. These can be viewed from the most apparent (macro-patterns) to the almost imperceptible (micro-patterns). Here’s the progression from largest to smallest:

Macro Patterns - General Behaviors:

1. Increased discomfort and anxiety 2. Hostility 3. Unmerited anger towards you 4. Persistent evasiveness 5. Resistance

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The Behavioral Clusters of The Behavioral Clusters of DeceptionDeception

Posture:

1. Early signs of extreme rigidity followed by alternating stiffness and relaxation 2. Hands, legs, objects put in front of body to form a barrier (folding arms, crossing legs, etc.) 3. Feigned lack of interest 4. Posture changes caused by topic changes 5. Not facing you 6. Distancing or leaning away from you 7. Lip licking and hard swallowing 8. Wringing hands 9. Hiding the eyes

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The Behavioral Clusters of The Behavioral Clusters of DeceptionDeception

Gestures and Movements:

1. Rubbing the forehead near the temple region2. Squeezing the face, rubbing the neck, or stroking the back of

the head with the hand.3. Using fewer hand movements to illustrate their actions than

usual4. Movement away from you

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Micro-PatternsMicro-Patterns

1. There are two psychological reasons behind the source of these macro patterns.

2. The first is the brain’s inability to differentiate a real physical threat from a perceived one. This awakens the ‘fight or flight’ instinct and explains the hostility, anger, evasiveness or physical attempts to move away from you.

3. The second reason is that psychological stress increases anxiety so much that we cannot store it internally anymore. This leads to an external overflow, explaining the fidgeting, hand rubbing, sweating, lip licking, leg bouncing etc. When you see ’stress overflow’ try asking yourself what it may mean. If it arose as a result of your questioning, then it may point to deception.

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General Expressions:

1. Averting the eyes

2. Focusing the eyes - some will try to stare down to show control. (A truthful person stares only half the time on average)

3. Face whitening (indicates fear)

4. Face flushing (indicates anger or shame)

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The Eyes are the Window to the The Eyes are the Window to the SoulSoul

1. In the field of Neuro-Linguistic Programming they use the phenomenon of eye-accessing cues to help recognize patterns of thinking.

2. By the direction of where the person’s eyes are looking, you can determine whether they are using vision, sound or kinesthetic (feeling) to trigger their thinking.

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In the field of Neuro-Linguistic Programming they use the phenomenon of eye-accessing cues to help recognize patterns of thinking.

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1. If this represents a person facing you then when they look up and to the left (your upper right) they’ll be accessing a visual memory.

2. Up and to the right (your upper left) means that they’re visually constructing (imagining) something.

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3. To your right, they’re remembering a sound, to your left, they’re creating a sound.

4. Down right, the person is accessing a bodily feeling or emotion.

5. Down left (your down right), they are accessing inner dialog (talking to themselves).

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6. If, for example, you were asking your child where they got the candy bar, and they look to their ‘constructing’ side, then you can be sure they’re fabricating the story.

7. Keep in mind that this is reversed for left-dominant people (left handers). So before you can use this, be aware of which of their sides is the dominant one.

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Eye Movement and Direction & How it Can Reveal Truth or Lies

Visual Accessing Cues:

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Eye Movement and Direction & How it Can Reveal Truth or Lies

Up and to the Right, indicates Visually Remember Images, which means they are telling the truth

If you asked someone “what color was the first house you lived in”, this would be the direction their eyes moved while thinking about the question as they “visually remember” the color of their childhood home.

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Eye Movement and Direction & How it Can Reveal Truth or Lies

Up and to the Right, indicates Visually Remember Images, which means they are telling the truth

This means, they are recalling a fact in their minds. When you ask these people a relevant question and their face responds like this, it is very likely they are telling the truth.

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Eye Movement and Direction & How it Can Reveal Truth or Lies

Up and to the Left, indicates Visually Creating Images, which means they are telling the lying.

If you asked a purple buffalo, this is how it would look like

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SUMMARY:

 

1.  When a right handed person looks up and to your         left with their eyes, it is very likely they are lying

2.  When a left handed person looks up and to your      right with their eyes, it is very likely they are lying

3.  When a right handed person looks to your right with 

     their eyes, it is very likely they are remembering      something

4.  When a left handed person looks to your left with      their eyes, it is very likely they are remembering      something

 

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1. Luckily for us, we don’t have to memorize each one or its meaning, just be able to perceive the inconsistent “micro-expressions” that one makes during deceit.

2. FBI and CIA use this methods to determine any deception from suspects during interrogations.

3. Their ability to perceive it is amazing. This is due to the fact that some of the muscles involved in expressions are not under conscious control.

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4. This is clearly the case when we feel strong emotions, but wish to suppress or hide them.

5. Those expressions of emotion appear on our faces, even if only for a fraction of a second.

6. It probably explains our intuitive feelings that someone is being dishonest, because subconsciously we’re picking up on these expressions.

7. These fleeting, almost imperceptible looks are what’s called “micro-expressions.”

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8. When people lie, they try to hide the fact through altering their voluntary facial expressions (macro expressions) and body language to appear in harmony with their words.

9. The face will hold accurate as well as misleading information. Most people respond to the macro expressions and become deceived.

10. A few keen observers can detect these micro-expressions as well as other imperfections in the macro displays and are correctly informed.

11. Distinguishing between a fake smile, one that can be performed at will, and a real smile, which is generated by the unconscious brain, comes down to awareness of the action units involved in a genuine smile

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12. According to Ekman, deception will most always show up in the face as an inconsistency between the micro and macro- expressions.

13. Even though most people are not attuned to the recognition of micro expressions, most can learn to become sensitive to them.

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How to Recognize a Narcissist

1.  They Are Big, loud and braggadocios. 

2.  The narcissist displays an air of superiority and haughtiness in both      posture and speech. 

3.  His body language and verbal language are typically loud, big and      braggadocios. 

4.  His speech is peppered with "I", "my", "myself", and "mine". No      matter how he describes himself,  it is always in the extreme - richer,      smarter, more creative more successful and so on. If he has struggled in      life, it will always be a bigger and more profound struggle than anyone      else.

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5. Only interested in self.

6. The narcissist likes to talk about himself and only about himself.

7. He's not interested in others or what they have to say, unless he perceives them as helpful to him getting what he wants.

8. He is impatient, easily bored and has strong attention deficits, unless and until he is the topic of discussion.

9. He can become disdainful, even angry, if he feels that others are intruding on his time and space.

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10. The narcissist expects and often demands special treatment.

11. To be served first, to pay less or get more, to talk directly to authority figures (and not to their assistants or secretaries)

12. To be granted special payment terms, to enjoy custom tailored arrangements.

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13. Is very class and rank conscious. The narcissist sees himself at the top of the food chain and also sees a very defined pecking order.

14. He tends to react with rage and indignation when denied his wishes and if treated equally with others whom he deems inferior.

15. Ever witness someone in a restaurant or shop vehemently dress down the waiter or sales clerk in front of everyone? That's your narcissist.

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16. The narcissist is not without compliments for those he sets his sites on.

17. He can flatter, admire, woo, even idealize. But, like most things with the narcissist the extremes are always in play.

18. His admiration is over the top, exaggerated, overdone and therefore it's sincerity questionable.

19. He can turn it on and off very quickly. Just watch the change when the target leaves the room, or when the target rejects him. He can move from adoring to hostile in a moments notice.

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20. Using a Texas phrase, “He is all hat and no cattle”.

21. Ever been around someone who claims to be in the know on virtually every topic discussed? The person who's mastered every trade, climbed every mountain and is friends with every powerful person? That's the narcissist.

22. The narcissist never admits to ignorance in any field.

23. He would have you believe he can do and already has mastered everything there is to master. It's all show and no substance.

24. One of the most effective methods of exposing a narcissist is by trying to delve deeper. With just a little bit of digging you can quickly expose the narcissist.

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25. He is Impersonal.

26. The Narcissist avoids emotions and emotional issues, preferring to intellectualize, rationalize and be detached.

27. Narcissists often refer to themselves in third person. There is lack of empathy. Think about someone you know who is naturally empathetic, able to connect with different kinds of people in a profound and meaningful way.

28. Now imagine the opposite kind of person. That's a narcissist. A narcissist is unable or certainly unwilling to get out of themselves and into the lives and emotions of other people.

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Deception Detection

1. Deception detection is about recognizing variances from what is normal for the person. Lying is stressful for most people, except perhaps for master manipulators and psychotics, so the number one thing to look for are signs of stress.

2. Stress can show up in posture, movements, facial expressions and in speech. For example, stressed posture is stiff and limited. A stressed facial expression includes tight lips and a tight jaw. Stressed speech is high pitched and overactive.

3. The second big area for detecting deception is incongruence. Incongruence is when you say one thing with your words but there body is saying something different. For example, you nod your head (as if to say yes) while actually saying the word no.

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Deception Detection

4. Physical movements are likely to be limited and stiff, with few arm and hand movements.

5. Hand, arm and leg movements tend to be inward toward their own body rather than outward towards the other person

6. Liars tend to touch their hand to their face or throat. They may cover their mouth, rub the bottom of their nose or rest their hands around their throat.

7. Liars tend to be physically closed and small and take up less space than when they're telling the truth.

8. A person who is lying to you will avoid making eye contact.

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Deception Detection

9. Liars tend to take a defensive stance both verbally and physically. Physically they may turn their head or body away.

10. A liar might unconsciously place objects (book, coffee cup, etc.) between themselves and you.

11. Speech is incongruent with body language or facial expression. For example frowning or shaking your head no when saying "I love you.“

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Deception Detection

12. When someone is faking an emotion, their expressions are typically limited to mouth movements. When someone smiles naturally their whole face is involved, especially the eyes. With a fake smile, only the mouth is smiling.

13. Timing delay between expression and sentiment. When receiving a gift the person says “I love it!” then smiles after making the statement rather than at the same time the statement is made.

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Deception Detection

14. When a person is asked a question that requires a yes or no answer, if they are telling the truth, they'll nod their head (and only their head) quickly.

15. If they are lying or unsure about the answer, the nod will start in their shoulders and will be significantly slower.

16. Liars sometimes avoid "lying" by not making direct statements. They imply answers instead of denying something directly.

17. Liars often pause before answering.

18. Liars answer a question with another question attempting to take the conversation in a different direction.

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19. A liar will use your words to answer a question. When asked, “Did you eat the last cookie?” The liar answers, “No, I did not eat the last cookie.”

20. A statement with a contraction is more likely to be truthful: “ I didn't do it” instead of “I did not do it”

21. A liar may leave out pronouns and speak in a monotonous tone.

22. When a truthful statement is made, the pronoun is emphasized as much or more than the rest of the words in a statement.

23. Words may be garbled and spoken softly and syntax and grammar may be off. In other words, his sentences will likely be muddled rather than emphasized.

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Deception Detection

24. There forehead tightens up a little in area between eye brows.

25. Eye contact breaks away from you and the eyes may be squinted or close.

26. There heart rate increases.

27. There hand palms are turned down or closed and not revealed to you.

28. There is evidence for increase in pitch as an indicator of deception. "Higher pitch is assumed to indicate increased tension on the part of deceivers. We hypothesize that filled pauses with higher pitch and intensity may occur in deceptive speech."

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Deception Detection

29. Voice is higher pitched than normal.

30. Face and hands becomes a bit paler as blood is withheld from extremities.

31. Nostrils may open wider ('flare').

32. Breathing deeper and maybe audible.

33. Lips become thinner and tighter.

34. Shoulders pulled up and elbows pulled in to sides more. Body takes up less space.

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Micro ExpressionsMicro Expressions

Micro Expressions, Subtle Body Language and Lying 1. A Micro Expression is a momentary involuntary facial expression that people unconsciously display when they are hiding and emotion. They are quick and intense expressions of concealed emotion. 2. Micro Expression can appear then disappear off the face in a fraction of a second.

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Micro ExpressionsMicro Expressions

Micro Expressions, Subtle Body Language and Lying 3. Micro-Expressions and Lying: 4. Micro Expressions betray us when we are lying. Involuntary face muscles reveal this hidden emotion. Trained investigators, custom agents, etc… use micro expression recognition along with other body language and speech cues to determine truthfulness. There are involuntary movements of 44 human facial muscles linked to fear, distrust, stress and other emotions related to deception.

5. Micro-Expressions only show what someone is feeling, not whether they are lying per-se and not what they are thinking. Micro Expression only tells you their knee-jerk reaction.

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Micro ExpressionsMicro Expressions

Micro Expressions, Subtle Body Language and Lying 6. Physical expression will be limited and stiff, with few arms and hand movement. Hand, arm and leg movement are towards their own body, so the liar takes up less space.  7. Liars Avoid making eye contact

8. Their hand touching their face, throat and mouth, touching or scratching the nose or behind their ear

9. Not likely to touch his chest/heart with an open hand

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Micro ExpressionsMicro Expressions

Micro Expressions, Subtle Body Language and Lying 

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Interactions and ReactionsInteractions and Reactions

Interactions and Reactions: 1. A guilty person gets defensive. An innocent person will go on the offensive.

2. A liar is uncomfortable facing his questioner/accuser and may turn his head or body away.

3. A liar might unconsciously place objects (books, coffee cups, etc…) between them and you

4. A liar will use your words to make an answer a question (“Did you eat the last cookie?” The liar answers, “No, I did not eat the last cookie”).

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Interactions and ReactionsInteractions and Reactions

Verbal Context and Content: 5. A statement with a contraction is more likely be truthful (“I didn’t do it” instead of “I did not do it”).

6. Liars sometime avoid “lying” by not making direct statements. They imply answers instead of denying something directly.

7. The guilty person may speak more than natural, adding unnecessary details to convince you

8. Liars are not comfortable with silence or pauses in the conversation

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Interactions and ReactionsInteractions and Reactions

Verbal Context and Content: 9. A liar may leave out pronouns and speak in a monotonous tone.

10. When a truthful statement is made, the pronoun is emphasized as much or more than the rest of the words in the statement.

11. Words maybe garbled and spoken softly and syntax and grammar may be

off. His sentences will likely be muddled rather than emphasized

12. They may use distant language 

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Interactions and ReactionsInteractions and Reactions

Verbal Context and Content: 13. If you believe someone is lying, change the subject of the conversation quickly. A liar follows along willingly and becomes more relaxed. The guilty wants the subject changed.

14. An innocent person may be confused by the sudden change in topics and will want go back to the previous subject.

15. They humor or sarcasm to avoid the subject.

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Using Statement AnalysisUsing Statement Analysis

Detecting Deception Using Statement Analysis: 1. When analyzing a statement, there are several unique words that can provide you with additional information and show you if the subject is being deceptive.

2. Some of these words are unique based on their definition, while others are unique based on years of observations.

3. The word “never” is often used by deceptive people when making a denial. This is because people do not want to lie. Therefore, they will choose the easiest form of deception.

4. It is easier for a person to be dishonest using the word “never” as opposed to directly telling a lie by saying “I didn’t do it.”

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Using Statement AnalysisUsing Statement Analysis

Detecting Deception Using Statement Analysis: 5. If a person was asked if he took the money he may state, “I would never do that.” In addition to recognizing the use the word “never,” we also see the person did not deny the action. He did not say he did not take the money. He only stated this is something he would in no way do.    

6. The word “never” means “not ever.” If a person was asked if he “ever” cheated on his taxes, it would be appropriate for him to respond, “I have never cheated on my taxes.” The use of the word “never” would be correct since he was asked if he “ever” defrauded the government. He is replying that he has “not ever” cheated. 

7. The word “never” does not mean “no.” Therefore, you cannot substitute the word “never” for the word “no” which is something deceptive people like to do.

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Using Statement AnalysisUsing Statement Analysis

Consider the following question and answer:

Question:   “Did you sell him drugs?”Answer:     “I never sold drugs.”

Because the word “never” is a negative word, it sometimes fools the interviewer into believing the subject has answered the question and denied the accusation. This question requires a “yes” or “no” answer. The subject chose to answer the question using the word “never” instead of using the word “no.”

This shows us the subject is most likely being deceptive. Although he gave an answer, he did not answer the specific question. He did not state, “No, I did not sell him drugs.”

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Using Statement AnalysisUsing Statement Analysis

1. The use of the word “never” does not automatically mean a person is being deceptive. There are correct ways one can use the word.

2. For example, I can state, “I have never been skydiving” because it is a truthful statement. However, if a person uses the word “never” as a substitute for the word “no,” it is a strong indication the person is withholding information and possibly being deceptive.

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Using Statement AnalysisUsing Statement Analysis

Detecting Deception Using Statement Analysis

1. Statement Analysis is the process of analyzing a person’s words to determine if the subject is being truthful or deceptive. The reason these techniques work is because people’s words will betray them.

2. There are usually several ways you can phrase a statement. People will always word their statement based on all their knowledge. Therefore, their statement may include information they did not intend to share.

3. It is nearly impossible to give a lengthy deceptive statement without revealing it is a lie.   

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Using Statement AnalysisUsing Statement Analysis

Detecting Deception Using Statement Analysis 

4. The Statement Analysis techniques are very accurate because they are based on the English language specifically word definitions and the rules of grammar. For example, when a person states, “I am trying to be honest” he is telling us he is not being honest. The word “tried” means he is only attempting to be truthful.

5. When a rape victim uses the pronoun “we” in her statement she is revealing she is being deceptive. The pronoun “we” not only shows plurality but it also means a partnership was formed. We would not expect a rape victim to partner up with her attacker.

6. When a person uses phrases such as “later on” or “afterwards” he has withheld some information by skipping over something in his story.

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Using Statement AnalysisUsing Statement Analysis

Detecting Deception Using Statement Analysis 

An example of utilizing the rules of grammar would be to analyze the verb tenses in a statement. When a person is telling us what happened, he is required to speak in the past tense. Therefore, if present tense language appears in his statement, this is a sign he is making up the story.  Consider the following statement:

“I was sitting in my car when a man opened my door, pointed a gun at me and tells me to get out. A man approached me and pointed a gun at me. He stuck the gun in my ribs and forced me into the car.”

While the person started out using the past tense, he switched to the present tense with the word “tells”. The present tense language is an indication he is not drawing his story from memory.

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Using Statement AnalysisUsing Statement Analysis

Detecting Deception Using Statement Analysis 

Another example of using the rules of grammar to detect deception is how a person uses articles within his statement.

When we introduced someone or something that is unknown, we are required to use the indefinite articles “a” or “an”. Once the introduction has been made, we then use the definite article “the.”

“I was sitting in my car when a man opened my door, pointed a gun at me and tells me to get out.” On the first sentence, the victim properly refers to the attacker and the weapon as “a man” and “a gun.”

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Detecting Deception Using Statement Analysis 

A problem arises when he refers to the vehicle as “the car.” Since this is the first time he mentions the vehicle, he should have called it “a car”. Using the article “the” tells us the victim either recognized the car or he is making up the story.

Many times the truth goes unnoticed because people like to interpret what a person has said. You should never interpret

One cannot read someone’s mind

People mean exactly what they are saying.

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Don’t Listen To What They Say, Don’t Listen To What They Say, Listen To The Words They ChooseListen To The Words They Choose

Professional Interrogators say, “Don’t listen to what they say. Listen to the words they choose”

The words spoken are more important than the sentence

We see a good example with OJ Simpson’s so called suicide letter The letter starts out saying, “First, everyone understand, I had nothing to do with Nicole’s murder”. That is how you heard it read on television. That is how you saw it printed in the newspaper and magazines.

The problem is that is not what Simpson wrote. In his letter he crossed out the words “I had”. His letter actually reads, “First everyone understand, I had nothing to do with Nicole’s murder.”

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Do Not Listen To What They Say, Do Not Listen To What They Say, Listen To The Words They ChooseListen To The Words They Choose

He took himself out of the denial.

So, why do most people include the words “I had?” Most likely because they believe that is what Simpson meant.

However, people mean exactly what they say or write. Simpson meant to cross out those words.

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Reading People

TIPS AND TRICKS ABOUT READING PEOPLE:

Start by getting a baseline reading so that you can distinguish personal quirks from real tells. A common way to get this reading is by simply observing a person's habits over time.

A seemingly innocent question such as "How are you doing today?" by a salesperson may be an attempt to gauge your baseline, setting up for inquiries that are more probing.

Look for inconsistencies between the baseline and the person's gestures and words.

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Reading People

TIPS AND TRICKS ABOUT READING PEOPLE:

1.When you have a chance to ask questions be pointed, not vague.

2.Vague, open-ended questions don't work, because if the person rambles it becomes difficult to detect any deception.

3.Instead, ask question that require a straight answer.

4.And don't be intrusive. After asking a question, sit back and observe without interrupting.

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Reading People

Word choice provides insight into what people really mean

“I won another award"

The Word Clue "another" conveys the notion that the speaker won one or more previous awards. This person wanted to ensure that other people know that he or she won at least one other award, thus bolstering his or her self-image. This person may need the adulation of others to reinforce his or her self-esteem. Observers could exploit this vulnerability by using flattery and other ego-enhancing comments.

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Gestures

1. When a person leans with their torso away from you, this can mean that the person is going through a moment of stress.

2. Pacifying gestures such as the touch to the forehead or the rubbing of palms against thighs are indicators of stress too.

3. Facial clues of distress and discomfort include the furrowing of the brow, clenching of jaws, lip compression or the tightening of face and neck muscles.

4. If someone closes their eyes for a moment (longer than a simple blink), takes the time to clear their throat, asks to repeat a question, they're probably stalling.

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Gestures

5. A lack of eye contact, or excessive blinking or fidgeting are signs that a person may be lying, but these are also signs of anxiety and many liars are still easily able to look you in the eye and spew deceit.

6. Other potential indicators of deceit are descriptive vagueness or a quivering

voice

7. Touching the notch in the front-middle of the neck can means that the person is trying to protect themselves, suggesting discomfort, especially in women.

8. Men usually stroke their necks, which is an attempt to lower heart rate.

9. Pupil constriction and squinting can mean that a person is bothered by what they're seeing.

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10. A long, audible exhale, known as a cathartic exhale, means that the person is under severe emotional distress and is frequently seen in moments when the person realizes that they've been caught.

11. To improve your technique at spotting signs, observe children and what they do when they try to tell a white lie

12. When a person leans with their torso away from you, this can mean that the person is going through a moment of stress.

13. Pacifying gestures such as the touch to the forehead or the rubbing of palms against thighs are indicators of stress too.

14. Facial clues of distress and discomfort include the furrowing of the brow, clenching of jaws, lip compression or the tightening of face and neck muscles.

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15. If someone closes their eyes for a moment (longer than a simple blink), takes the time to clear their throat or asks to repeat a question, they're probably stalling.

16. A lack of eye contact or excessive blinking or fidgeting are signs that a person may be lying, but these are also signs of anxiety and many liars are still easily able to look you in the eye and spew deceit

17. Other potential indicators of deceit are descriptive vagueness or a quivering voice

18. Touching the notch in the front-middle of the neck can means that the person is trying to protect themselves, suggesting discomfort, especially in women.

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19. Men usually stroke their necks, which is an attempt to lower heart rate.

20. Pupil constriction and squinting can mean that a person is bothered by what they're seeing.

21. A long, audible exhale, known as a cathartic exhale, means that the person is under severe emotional distress and is frequently seen in moments when the person realizes that they've been caught.

22. To improve your technique at spotting signs, observe children and what they do when they try to tell a white lie

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Opportunit ies to Assess for Opportunit ies to Assess for DeceptionDeception

Four Opportunit ies to Assess for Deception :  During any interview process, especially in a forensic setting, there are basically four opportunities, per question, to assess if the person is hiding something, troubled by a question, lying, or has some sort of guilty knowledge (only the guilty would know of very specific information) First Opportunity – Asking the Questions

The first opportunity is when you ask the question. As the interviewee hears the question look for behaviors that indicate the individual is freezing or restricting movement, is negatively affected by the question (compressed lips, chin withdrawal, ventral denial, etc.), or begins to pacify

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Opportunit ies to Assess for Opportunit ies to Assess for DeceptionDeception

1. Torso displays that reflect the limbic brain’s need to distance and avoid are very good indicators of true sentiments. When one person in a | relationship feels that something is wrong with the way things are going, he or she is most likely sensing a subtle degree of physical distancing in his or her partner.

2. The distancing can also take the form of ventral denial. Our ventral (front) side, where our eyes, mouth, chest, breasts, genitals, etc. are located, is very sensitive to things we like and dislike.

3. When things are good, we expose our ventral sides toward what we favor, including those people who make us feel good.

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Opportunit ies to Assess for Opportunit ies to Assess for DeceptionDeception

4. When things go wrong, relationships change, or even when topics are discussed that we disfavor, we will engage in ventral denial, by shifting or turning away. The ventral side is the most vulnerable side of the body, so the limbic brain has an inherent need to protect it from the things that hurt or bother us.

5. We immediately and subconsciously begin to turn slightly to the side when someone we dislike approaches us at a party.

6. When it comes to courtship, an increase in ventral denial is one of the best indicators that the relationship is in trouble.

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Opportunit ies to Assess for Opportunit ies to Assess for DeceptionDeception

7. The opposite of ventral denial is ventral exposure or ventral fronting. We display our ventral sides to those we favor. When our children come running to us for a hug, we move objects, even our arms, out of the way so that we can give them access to our ventral sides. We ventrally front because this is where we feel the most warmth and comfort. In fact, we use the phrase turning our back to express negativity toward someone or something, because we offer our ventral sides to those we care for and our backs to those we don’t.

8. As with our hands, our bellies or ventral sides have a lot to say about how we truly feel.

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1. The first step in learning how to read people is gaining a general understanding of the make-up of others and ourselves. Without understanding the walls people build up around themselves, as well as the barriers that we put in our own way, we will never be able to successfully read people. 2. People are like onions. When it comes to revealing ourselves to others, people are very much like a four-layered onion. 3. The outermost layer is that part of our personality that we reveal to strangers, which are the most superficial aspects of who we are. 4. Around our friends and some acquaintances, we feel comfortable enough to peel back that outermost layer to reveal the next one. 

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5. The third layer is reserved for those whom we have an intimate relationship with. Intimate relationships take time to develop and with that time, trust is earned. 6. The fourth and innermost layer contains that part of ourselves that we do not share with anyone. It contains our deepest thoughts and secrets that we would rather not acknowledge.

7. The extent to which you can read someone is determined by how many of their layers you’re able to get them to reveal. A person will reveal their layers in direct proportion to you revealing yours.

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8. The second part of preparing ourselves to read people involves removing the barriers that keep us from accurate people-reading.

9. The two barriers are our prejudices and our projections. Anytime you make an opinion, whether positive or negative, without knowledge or examining the facts, you are being prejudiced. Whenever you come up with a preconceived notion, it taints your ability to accurately read others. 10. Closely related to prejudice is projection. We tend to project our views onto a situation because it is easier to deal with. 11. When you are emotionally committed to someone or something, it can blind us from the truth of a situation, leading to an incorrect reading of someone. 

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 11. The key to effectively reading people is by being completely objective. Overcoming our biases, prejudices and projections allow us to be completely objective.

12. The last important step is learning to be patient. Resist the urge to jump to conclusions

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Reading people is an art-form that takes years to master

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END OF PRESENTAIONEND OF PRESENTAION

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