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Key Golden Rules for Couples 10 Key Golden Rules for Couples 10

10 Key Golden Rules for Couples

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10 key golden rules for couples

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Page 1: 10 Key Golden Rules for Couples

Key GoldenRules for Couples

10Key GoldenRules for Couples

10

Page 2: 10 Key Golden Rules for Couples

When you first meet someone it’s all about excitement, sex and novelty as you go through the honeymoon phase. However, as this wears off you’re faced with the decision to either move your relationship forward or get out. And if you do decide to stay together, you then have to make your relationship work so it will survive the test of time. This is when things become interesting. Some couples will adjust and work as a team, whereas others will make mistakes and fall apart.The most influential researcher in the field of relationships is psychologist John Gottman. Over 40 years he has dissected and studied the way successful couples interact. He has found that those who do well have a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative actions and emotions going on between each other. So with this in mind, here are 10 key golden rules for couples, to help you increase your positivity and live happily ever after.

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1. Spend time together1. Spend time together

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It’s a no-brainer that a healthy relationship requires that you spend regular time with your partner. All couples struggle when they don’t get to check in and enjoy each other’s company. So this means it’s vital to organise weekly date nights (alternate who organises this), catch up for a morning coffee, lunch break or a weekend brunch, and have several shared interests and hobbies. Also it’s worth trying to keep things novel, so mix in some shared first-time experiences just to keep it all fresh (eg visiting new restaurants, travel destinations, bars, clubs or gym classes).

1. Spend time together1. Spend time together

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2. Prioritise sex and affection2. Prioritise sex and affection

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Making affection and sex a priority in yourrelationship will help you stay close and remainconnected. This can be reassuring, comforting, exciting and empowering for both of you. Be clear about your turn-ons and turn-offs, your need for affection and your sexual expectations, then make time for this on a weekly basis. If you’re not in the mood – jump right in any way. You’ll find that once you start, everything begins to feel pretty amazing.

2. Prioritise sex and affection2. Prioritise sex and affection

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3. Share the domestics3. Share the domestics

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Being able to share the housework and otherdomestic tasks displays teamwork and a sense offairness. It’s a strong signal that what goes on inthe home is valued, and it encourages equality and respect.The little things are important here. Make sure you divide up these domestic activities and follow through. Both of you will feel closer as a result.

3. Share the domestics3. Share the domestics

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4. Make daily connections4. Make daily connections

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Research has shown that individuals will make a bid for their partner’s attention on a regular basis so they can stay connected with each other(e.g. asking a question, holding hands, going for a coffee, watching TV together etc). It’s vital that each person picks up on these cues and responds – rather than ignoring their partner or pushing them away. Look out for these bids for connection and encourage them through phone calls, emails and texts, talking every night over dinner, cuddling on the couch, responding to your partner’s comments, and making hellos and goodbyes important to each other.

4. Make daily connections4. Make daily connections

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5. Manage conflict5. Manage conflict

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Conflict is healthy in relationships. It’s the waycouples fight that’s important, and there areparticular tactics that can help in this process. Asthe research suggests, look to start softly when you begin a discussion (this typically predicts how things will continue), have a 20-minute time-out if things escalate, and avoid personal attacks, contempt/sarcasm, defensiveness orstonewalling. Also, listen but don’t fix, and avoid using general ‘all or nothing’ terms like ‘always’ and ‘never’.

5. Manage conflict5. Manage conflict

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6. Have shared values & goals6. Have shared values & goals

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Being on the same page as a couple creates anamazing sense of teamwork and togetherness,so it’s healthy to know where you stand both in terms of your values and goals. Get clear about the areas of sex and monogamy, housework, finance, health and fitness, parenting and socializing. Start dreaming together andworking towards the future – creating your own rituals and celebrating milestones along the way.

6. Have shared values & goals6. Have shared values & goals

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7. Solve problems as a team7. Solve problems as a team

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Research has shown that many of the problemsthat occur in relationships are unresolvable (70%). However, when it comes to those issues that can be addressed, there needs to be a team approach rather than one that’s characterised by blame and accusations. Instead of focusing on the past and how you got into the mess,brainstorm the problem together. Ask, “How can we solve this?” and “What can we do differently to change this situation?” Think ‘we’ rather than ‘me’.

7. Solve problems as a team7. Solve problems as a team

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8. Praise & appreciate each other8. Praise & appreciate each other

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It’s time to saturate your relationship with dailypositivity and praise. Make the atmosphere in your relationship overwhelmingly upbeat and appreciative. Look out for times when your partner does something that you like, then thank them. Catch them when they’re good ratherthan picking them up for being bad! Give them plenty of compliments for their efforts as a lover, parent, and friend.

8. Praise & appreciate each other8. Praise & appreciate each other

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9. Take an interest & ask questions9. Take an interest & ask questions

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There’s nothing better than knowing that yourpartner is thinking of you, that they understandyour world, and that they take an interest in you. In a healthy relationship, each partner will be aware of how the other operates and what’s going on in their daily life. They’ll also know about each other’s past, likes, dislikes and dreams. Encourage more of this by asking plenty of open-ended questions on a daily basis. Talk about your partner’s life experiences and get familiar with their hopes and fears. You need to know what makes them tick.

9. Take an interest & ask questions9. Take an interest & ask questions

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10. Share decisions & let each other lead10. Share decisions & let each other lead

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To create that strong sense of teamwork youwill both need to make decisions and takethe lead. One person can’t always be the driver and the other a passenger. Instead, you have to regularly let your partner influence you and say ‘yes’ to their suggestions. Allow them to initiate and feel strong and equal in your relationship. That means if you’re the dominant one, youneed to take a deep breath, step back and hand it over to your partner to take charge.

10. Share decisions & let each other lead10. Share decisions & let each other lead

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By :: Mitesh Takewww.Facebook.com/mitesh.take

Key GoldenRules for Couples

10Key GoldenRules for Couples

10 By :: Mitesh Takewww.Facebook.com/mitesh.take