Dealing with difficult people

Dealing with Difficult PeoplePeople & EI

Basic SkillsHow to Deal with difficult people?

Advanced SkillsEmotional Intelligence

Who I am?

• H.H.H.• My Experience:

– 8 Years with STP

– Start-Up Activity

– Start-UP NGO

– Trainer For other Student Activities: C.C. (Credit Club), Update, BE (Better Engineer), صناع الحياة

• Introduction.

– What is a Difficult Behavior?

– The Three Choices we have.

• Types of Difficult People?

• How to Deal with Difficult People?

• Tips to make Life Easier

• Summary.

Scoring

• Agree = 2 points

• Not Sure = 1 points

• Disagree = 0 points

Results• (15-20) Points:You feel difficult people are disruptive, waste time, etc... (They are a serious issue for you.)

• (10-14) Points : Not sure whether difficult people are a problem for you, other people, or the organization as a whole. (You have thick skin or are in denial)

• (0-9) Points : Not convinced they are problematic. You are either correct or oblivious to what’s going on around you (You may be the difficult person!)

• Introduction.

– What is a Difficult Behavior?

– The Three Choices we have.

• Types of Difficult People?


• Tips to make Life Easier

• Summary.

Introduction

{ لا أكثر شيء جد اإلنسان وكان }

[54: الكهف]

Definition of Conflict

Activity

A & B

Lesson of the FIST

They will get motivated

to RESIST more…

Introduction

• Conflict:

“Exists when one person has a need of another and that need is not being met.”

“A serious disagreement or argument, typically a protracted one.”

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What is a difficult behavior?

Difficult behavior takes many forms, It includes:• Gossiping• Going over your bosses head• Foot dragging• Ignoring orders• refusing to talk• being rude• Yelling• Ignoring• harassing

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What is a difficult behavior?

• Difficult behavior is often a result of psychological needs for control, recognition, affection, and respect.

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Exercise 1

Behaviors YOU Met

The cycle of conflict

THEM!

• Loud

• Obnoxious

• Arrogant

• Crazy

• Demanding

• Offensive

YOU!

• Defensive

• Frustrated

• Louder

• Superiors

• Confused

• Crazy

Three Choices

• Confront the Difficult Person

• Cope with the Difficult Person

• Get Away (Leave) from the Difficult Person

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Coping with difficult Situations

• Am I dealing with a difficult person or a difficult situation?

• What am I willing to accept about this person or situation?

• Should I put some distance between me and the person or situation?

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Types of Difficult People


“The TANK” CHARACTERISTICS:

•Wants to control the process and get things done

•Behavior ranges from mild pushiness to outright aggression

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“The Sniper” CHARACTERISTICS:

• Attempts to control you through embarrassment and humiliation

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“The Grenade” CHARACTERISTICS:

• Feels unappreciated and disrespected

• Ranting and raving is difficult to ignore

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“The Know-it-all” CHARACTERISTICS:

• Knowledgeable and competent people who intend to get it done in the way they have predetermined is best.

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“The Think-they-Know-it-all” CHARACTERISTICS:

• Specialists in exaggeration, half-

truths, jargon, useless advice, and unsolicited opinions•

• Charismatic and desperate for attention

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“The YES Person” CHARACTERISTICS:

• Gets along but can easily over commit

• Doesn’t understand the true nature of the task they have accepted.

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“The Maybe Person” CHARACTERISTICS:

• The downside of each option blinds them

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“The Nothing Person” CHARACTERISTICS:

• Passive

• Can be task focused or people focused•

• Tends to be a perfectionist when task-oriented

• Tends to withdraw when people-oriented

(rather than hurting anyone’s feelings)

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“The NO Person” CHARACTERISTICS:

• Task-focused and needs to get it right

• Finds the negatives in everyone and everything

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“The Whiner” CHARACTERISTICS:

• Suffers from severe inability to see what could and should be

• Sees things wrong with what was and with what is.

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Exercise 2

The Right Matrix

&

The Aggressiveness Matrix

The Right MatrixBullying: Win-lose• The Tank• The Sniper• Grenade• The know-it-all• The Think-they-know –it-all• The Whiner• The NO Person

Problem-solving: Win-win

Avoiding: Lose-lose• The Nothing Person• The Maybe Person• The Whiner• The NO Person

Conceding: Lose-win• The Yes Person• The Maybe Person

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The Aggressiveness Matrix

Passive Aggressiveness• The Yes Person• The Nothing Person• The Maybe Person

Open Aggressiveness• The Tank• Grenade• The know-it-all• The Think-they-know –it-all

Constant Complaining• The Whiner• The NO Person

Destructive Criticism• The Sniper• The Maybe Person• The NO Person

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Practice

Brain Storming of Solutions

Challenges of each Type

The Tank:

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“The TANK” Challenges:

• Commanding respect

• Holding your ground

• Interrupting the attack

• Aiming for the bottom line and fire Establishing peace with honor

(Such as: “You and I have to work together”)

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“The Sniper” Challenges :

• Bringing the sniper out of hiding

• Using searchlight questions like: “What’s the intent or

• relevancy of that statement?”

• Using “Tank” behaviors if necessary

• Making the behavior of “Sniping”

• uncomfortable

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“The Grenade” Challenges:

• Taking control of the situation

• Getting their attention

• Making sure your tone and language are friendly

• Showing genuine concern

• Reducing intensity

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“The Know-it-all” Challenges :

• Opening them up to new ideas

• Being prepared and knowing your stuff

• Blending with their doubts and desires

• Presenting your views indirectly

• Turning them into mentors

• Recognizing their expertise

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“The Think-they-Know-it-all” Challenges :

• Finding an acceptable way to disavow their unworkable ideas

• Providing them a little attention

• Getting clarification for specifics

• Being patient

• Gently confronting them with the consequences of their negative behavior

• Crediting the things they do right

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“The YES Person” Challenges :

• Getting commitments you can count on• Making it safe to be honest• Talking openly and acknowledging their honesty• Helping them learn to better plan• Getting their word and summarizing their

commitment• Ensuring understanding of negative

consequences• Strengthening the relationship

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“The Maybe Person” Challenges :

• Helping them to think decisively

• Establishing and maintaining a comfort zone

• Surfacing conflicts and clarifying issues

• Using a decision-making system

• Reassuring and then ensuring follow through

• Strengthening the relationship

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“The Nothing Person” Challenges :

• Persuading them to talk

• Planning enough time

• Asking open-ended questions

• Lightening the mood

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“The NO Person” Challenges :

• Moving from fault finding to problem solving

• Allowing them to be negative

• Using them as a resource and early warning system

• Not pushing for an immediate decision

• Acknowledging their good intent

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“The Whiner” Challenges :

• Forming a problem-solving alliance

• Listening for the main points

• Getting specific

• Shifting the focus to solutions

• Showing them the future

• Drawing the line - talk solutions or stop talking for now

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How to Deal with Difficult People?

• Stay Centered

• Reality check

• Focus on behavior

• Listen

• Give Feedback

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Listening

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Active & Receptive

Reasons get them difficult

1- They have a need to tell us something

•Listen• “Key of cooperation”Confirm the listening



2- They are afraid we don’t understand the seriousness of their problem

•Empathetic• Don’t say “Calm down”

• Understand Vs Agree


•Ask Them• What are your ideas

About the problem?

3- they don’t believe we value their inputs & ideas

•Listening

•Empathetic

•Ask them

All Receptive Skills


4- they are afraid that If WE WIN, They Lose

•Problem Solving• Taking the “active” role

by mixing their ideas with

yours



3- they don’t believe we value their inputs & ideas



•Listening

•Empathetic

•Ask them

•Problem Solving

LEAP Model

…………...……BUT………….………

…………...……And………….………


5- they are afraid that we will blame or criticize them

•You stupid idiot RULE• Speak in a way that don’t put them on the

defensive position

5- they are afraid that we will blame or criticize them

• Problem Solving• Listening• Empathetic• Ask them• Speak “not Blame”

LEAPS Model

Controlling OUR Behaviors

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1. Forgive:

• Ask yourself, “What is it about this situation or

person that I can seek to understand and forgive?”

2. Wait it Out

• Wait until you’ve cooled off before responding, if you choose to respond at all.

3. “Does it really matter if I am right?:

If you find yourself arguing for the sake of being

right, ask “Does it matter if I am right?”

• If yes, then ask “Why do I need to be right?

What will I gain?”

4. Don’t Respond:

Many times when a person initiates a negative message or difficult attitude, they are trying to trigger a response from you. When we react, we are actually giving them what they want.

5. Stop talking about it:

The more we talk about how much we dislike a

person, the more hate we will feel towards them and the more we’ll notice things about them that we dislike.

6. Look for the lesson:

No situation is ever lost if we can take away from it some lessons that will help us grow and become a better person.

7. Choose to Eliminate the People in your Life:

Negative people can be a source of energy drain. Cut them out by avoiding interactions with them as much as possible.

Funny Conflict

Summary

• Introduction.

• What is an Difficult Behavior?

• Types of Difficult People.


• Tips to make Life Easier.

Thank YOU

Self Improvement

Dealing with difficult people