Sharing Amongst Toddlers - The How!

Sharing

Toddlers find it difficult to share as they don't have a strong sense of self or of possession yet.

Think about it this way:

Sharing

We suggest to our toddler that we go to the playground and take with us our toddler's favourite toy of the moment - his truck, or

cycle, or scooter. When we arrive a friend is there with her toddler. Immediately this toddler sees our child's toy and grabs for it while our toddler screams loudly and holds on tight. "You

must learn to share your toys", we tell our little one, taking it from him and handing it to our friend's child to play with. Now

here we are at the playground with our screaming and unhappy toddler while our friend's child is playing happily.

 

What's wrong in this?

Sharing

We have arranged the outing to the park and chosen which toy our child will have fun with, and yet we take it

from him because someone else wants it instead.

 

How does this teach toddler sharing behaviour?

Sharing

Let's look at the same scenario again:

Off we go to the playground taking with us a chosen toy of the moment. When we arrive we meet with

our friends and their toddlers.

Sharing

We tell our child,

"You have brought your truck to play with. It's yours and you can have fun playing with it. When you have finished with it you can choose to share it with Jai and maybe have a turn with his ball when he has finished with it".

Result: Contented children doing just as we had suggested when we left home.

Sharing

Our toddlers need to learn that yes, that toy "is mine" first before they can learn how to share it.

Sharing

Let’s describe it like this: When I go to visit a friend and she offers me coffee and cake, I expect her to give

it to me if I say yes to the offer. I would be rather surprised if she handed it to me and then removed it

before I had taken a bite, offering it to someone else instead. And yet this is what we do often with

our toddlers and children when we are around others.

Sharing

We suggest they take their toy with them to play with and then we tell them they cannot play with it

because another child wants it instead.

If we gave them the time to play with it first, to really understand and experience their ownership of it,

then they will learn how to share it much more easily.

Our children learn to trust us, to understand self respect, and to see the value of sharing when we

model sharing to them in this way.

Sharing

Can you imagine how your child would feel if you say,

 

"That's your scooter and you can ride it at the moment. When you have finished with riding it you can choose to share it with your friends."

 

Then you can say to the other child,

 

"Rohan is riding his scooter just now. When he has finished with it we would love for you to have a turn".

Sharing

Your child would feel you care for him, he would know you understand and he would learn that he can trust

his own feelings about possession.

As his experience and understanding around empathy grows, sharing will become a more natural activity.

As a Parent

First, model sharing to your child as often as you can, giving the language that goes with the actions.

 

"I'm really enjoying playing with this little car. When I'm finished I'm going to share it with you".

As a Parent

Kids learn by imitating what they see, so take every opportunity to show your child how to share. Offer

him a bite of your meal or a chance to assist in the fun of decorating a cake. As you do, use the word

"share" to describe your behaviour.

"I'm eating a really good sandwich, and I'd love to share it with you. Would you like some?"

As a Parent

Second, teach your child about ownership by showing them consistently how you experience it.

 

"This makeup is mine. It belongs to me and it is important that I trust you not to touch it."

As a Parent

Third, be aware of making the most of the moments when your child shows understanding about sharing

through positive reinforcement. Toddlers can be surprisingly empathetic and loving in their

interactions with others and learn best by having this reported back to them.

 

"I loved watching you share your doll with your friend. That is very kind and loving."

As a Parent

Toddlers do lots of "proto-sharing" — showing an object to other people and allowing them to manipulate it without quite letting go. Though it doesn't look like it, it's a big step toward sharing,

so reinforce it.

"How nice of you to show Aanya your telephone," you might say.

Later, when he's started playing with something else, you could suggest he pass the phone to his friend, and praise him for

doing so.

Whether the other child wants the toy at this point is not as important as practicing the act of sharing and being rewarded

for it.

As a Parent

You should never punish a child, especially one this age, for not sharing. You can let him know you're disappointed and sad

when he doesn't share, but that's it.

Don't make a big deal out of it. Some of these struggles should be ignored — you don't want sharing to become a parent-child

battleground.

Let him work this out with other children. When he doesn't share, his friends will let him know in no uncertain terms how unhappy

they are, and he'll learn that sometimes it takes hard work to be a good friend!

Happy Parenting!

- Created by Mokksha Nagdev

Child Specialist – Olé Kids Early Learning Centre

www.olekids.in