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An Aspen Education Group Publication

The Adoptive Parent’s Guide

How to Help Your Child Become (and Remain) A Successful Student

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Contents

Preparing for the Challenges Your Child May Face In the Classroom

Pages 2-4

Easing Your Adopted Child’s Back-to-School Stress

Pages 5-7

Five Tips for a Successful Back-to-School Experience

Pages 8-11

Four Action Items for Parents of Students with Special Needs

Pages 12-15

About Aspen Education Group Page 16

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Chapter One

Preparing for the Challenges

That Your Adopted Child May Face in the Classroom

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It is a common question among parents of adopted adolescents and teenagers: What kinds of academic, behavioral and social issues will my child teen face in school?

On top of typical teenage struggles, adopted children are faced with their very own set of concerns when they hit adolescence, and while you're likely to experience many of these struggles right alongside your child, you'll also find that many of them will play out in the classroom.

In addition to understanding the particular emotional issues your adopted teen may face as he/she enters adolescence, it's also important to recognize how these questions and issues may play out in an educational environment. And it's also important to understand the types of support available to both you and your adopted teen.

Exploring the Concept of “Family”

Children adopted as infants usually begin to fully understand what it means to be adopted as they enter and move through grade school.

Developmentally, this is the stage at which they begin to understand the concept of "family" within a broader social context. At school they may be asked to draw family trees and to explore their heritage, while their friends may begin to ask your child questions about why he/she is adopted.

This is also the time that your adopted child may begin to experience some sense of grief or loss at not being with his/her natural birth family, no matter how much gratitude, happiness and contentment he/she feels within his/her adoptive family.

Belonging & A Sense of Identity

As your adopted child enters adolescence, these feelings of grief and loss may transform into questions of belonging and personal identity. As a result, your adopted teen's behavior at school may also change.

He/she may start to seem less concerned or attentive to school work or may lose confidence or self-esteem if he/she feels that one or both birth parents "rejected" or "abandoned" him/her.

These types of feelings very often translate into a "don't care" attitude at school, and previously responsible or conscientious students may seem to lose focus or have difficulty upholding their usual academic standards.

Common Challenges Among Adopted Students

On top of all this, statistics also suggest that adopted children are likely to experience some kind of learning or behavioral problem that may also influence their academic performance.

Many adopted children are likely to suffer from ADD, ADHD or any number of learning difficulties that may only serve to compound their frustration and anxiety during adolescence -- especially when combined with questions of roots and identity.

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Supporting Your Adopted Child

So how do you help your adopted child negotiate so many emotional, psychological and educational pitfalls successfully? Here are three important steps you can take:

1. First and foremost, be supportive and understanding, regardless of your own level of frustration. Your adopted teen needs to feel as safe and secure as possible within his/her adoptive family – and he/she also needs to know that he/she can question and discuss his/her adoption concerns without judgment.

2. Next, make sure you have the back-up resources you need to provide your adopted teen with positive, consistent support.

3. Communicate closely with your child’s teachers and school counselors and consider adoption support resources for both you and your teen.

Depending upon the nature and severity of the challenges you are experiencing, effective options may include family or individual therapy, summer programs, or a school that is specifically equipped to support adopted teens.

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Chapter Two

Easing Your Adopted Child’s

Back-to-School Stress

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For many parents, the words "back to school" may evoke sepia-tinged memories of reconnecting with old friends, meeting new teachers, and claiming a familiar spot in the lunchroom. But for too many of today's youth, returning to the classroom also means descending into a stress-fueled depression that can lead to a series of self-destructive behaviors.

"Life for many young people is a painful tug of war filled with mixed messages and conflicting demands from parents, teachers, coaches, employers, friends and oneself," University of Minnesota professor and youth development educator Joyce Walker, PhD, wrote in an article on the UM Extension website.

"Growing up - negotiating a path between independence and reliance on others - is a tough business,” Walker wrote. “It creates stress, and it can create serious depression for young people ill-equipped to cope, communicate and solve problems."

As Dr. Lynn Bufka of the American Psychological Association noted in an article that was posted on the APA Help Center website, the transition from summer to school can be a particularly tough time for young people - a challenge that can be either eased or exacerbated by the attention parents pay to the problem.

"The end of summer and the beginning of a new school year can be a stressful time for parents and children," Bufka said. "While trying to manage work and the household, parents can sometimes overlook their children's feelings of nervousness or anxiety as school begins."

Almost every student experiences some level of back-to-school nervousness, but for some, these worries fail to subside once the year gets underway. Left untreated, enduring anxiety can lead to a range of unhealthy outcomes, including depression, poor academic performance, and substance abuse.

The following five tips can help parents help their children make a stress-free return to school:

Eliminate the Unknowns

Fear of the unknown can be a significant source of stress. If your child is attending a new school, find out if you can visit ahead of time so he can at the very least get "the lay of the land" by seeing the building and walking through the hallways ahead of the school-day rush. Having the opportunity to meet teachers or other students (some sports and extracurricular activities have meetings and practices in the summer months) can also be a great way to ensure a smoother transition.

Help Your Student Stay Organized

Neither you nor your child can control every back-to-school variable, but knowing that she's as prepared as possible will help your child handle the "curveballs" that life throws at us all. If your child's school sends out a materials list over the summer, make sure that you review it to be sure that she has everything she's expected to bring with her on the first day of school. Also, set aside a quiet, well-lit, and clutter-free "study space" in your home where your child can do his homework, and store his school supplies. Getting your child in an organized mindset before school starts will eliminate one source of stress once the academic year is underway.

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Talk to Your Child

This, as any parent knows, may be much easier imagined than accomplished. While young students may bubble over with moment-by-moment recountings of their days, teens are likely to respond to "how was school?" with little more than a shrug or a grunt. Regardless, experts emphasize that letting your children know you are there and interested is essential. "Kids need to know that there's a stable place for them to talk about all the stresses that they've had," Dr. Linda Bearinger wrote in a May 20, 2003 article on the University of Minnesota's Health Talk and You website. "Research shows that there are certain times of day - the drive to school, dinner time, or just before going to bed - when children tend to open up. Kids whose parents are consistently around at one or more of those times tend to function better. Kids who can't count on those consistent connections don't do as well."

Stay Involved With the School

Participating in parent-teacher organizations, attending open houses, and scheduling private conferences with your child's teachers are all excellent ways to ensure that you know what's going on with your student while she's at school. Though most districts are required to send progress reports to parents of students whose grades are substandard, these messages often arrive after the academic damage has been done. Initiating contact with teachers and school administrators will allow you to learn about small challenges before they become big problems. Also, many schools send out newsletters, and many teachers have established individual Web pages for their classes: Consider these to be "required reading" throughout your child's school years. (Yes, you just got a homework assignment.)

Get Help When Your Child Needs It

Teachers, guidance counselors, and other school personnel are trained to identify struggling students and get them the help they need. But with the vast numbers of students in most schools, some students are bound to slip between the cracks. You may not be an education professional, but you are an expert on one essential topic: your child. Alert the school when you see that your student is starting to slip, and follow up to ensure that the proper steps are being taken. When communicating with your child's teachers and counselors, emphasize collaboration rather than confrontation. The vast majority of academic professionals has the students' best interests at heart, and should value your constructive insights into your child's education. If they don't, find an administrator who does.

No one has a perfect experience in school, and no preparation can adequately address every challenge that a student or a family will face. But by playing an active role in your child's education, emphasizing your support, and continuing to educate yourself, you can put both you and your child in the best possible position to beat school stress and achieve academic success.

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Chapter Three

Five Tips for a Smooth

Back-to-School Experience

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It happens every year – and every year it seems to catch us by surprise.

As memories of Fourth of July fireworks begin to fade and sales signs begin to sprout in storefront windows, families across the nation begin to realize that back-to-school time has snuck up on them again.

Though your children may want to pretend that summer will never end, you know that the return to the classroom grows closer with every passing day. And although no formula has yet been created to ensure a seamless transition between summer vacation and the start of school, the following five tips can help make back-to-school time a little easier:

Back-to-School Tip #1: Be Enthusiastic

Almost every student approaches the start of a new school year with at least a bit of trepidation, and if your child has struggled with school in the past, he's much more likely to be less than overjoyed about heading back into the classroom.

To allay your child's fears, do your best to project an attitude of confidence and enthusiasm:

When he talks about problems he's had, discuss the ways that you worked together to find solutions to those crises, and let him know that you'll continue to do whatever you can to make his academic experience as enjoyable and productive as possible.

If your child expresses concern about dealing with certain teachers or students, remind him about the friends he'll be able to spend time with and identify the teacher(s) with whom he has built a positive relationship.

If your child begins to dwell on the frustrations he's had in the past, emphasize that this is a new year, a new beginning, and a new chance. And don't ever stop telling him how proud you are of him, and how confident you are that he'll be able to have his most successful year yet.

Back-to-School Tip #2: Be Realistic

Instilling a sense of confidence and enthusiasm in your child is an important part of preparing for a new school year, but be careful not to raise her expectations too high.

It may be tempting to comfort your child by promising her that none of the frustrations she experienced in the past will rear their ugly heads again this year, but when this doesn't come to pass, you may be left with a child who is both disappointed in her circumstances and distrustful of the person (you) who pledged that she wouldn't have to go through all of this again.

Be sure to temper your enthusiasm with healthy doses of realism:

If your child has struggled with grades in the past, don't talk about this being a "straight A" year. Instead, help her identify small, measureable achievements that she can make, like studying for a certain amount of time every night or improving her attendance.

If she has had problems with certain students in the past, don't pretend that those kids won't bother her any more (because they probably will). Instead, tell her that you'll bring these

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concerns to her teacher's attention, and plan other ways in which she can either prevent conflicts or resolve them when they arise.

Encourage her to try new sports, clubs, or activities, but don't lead her to believe that she has to take a "starring role" in order to have a meaningful experience. Talk about the value of participation, and the benefits of working and playing alongside her peers.

Back-to-School Tip #3: Be Prepared

For many students, the most intimidating aspect of a new school year is the fear of the unknown. What if my teacher is mean? What if I can't make any friends? What happens if I can't find my classroom, or if I don't understand the lessons?

There's no way you can dispel all of these worries, but you can ease quite a bit of your child's back-to-school anxiety by removing as many unknowns as possible:

If your child will be attending a new school, arrange to take a quick tour of the building over the summer. Walking the halls and peering into the classrooms will familiarize your child with his new environment, and will take some of the fear out of the first day.

Set up a quick meeting with your child's teacher. Most teachers spend at least a few days before school setting up their classrooms and preparing for the first day. Find out when your child's new teacher has a few minutes to spare, and stop by for a quick introduction.

Throughout the summer, strategize various problem-solving situations with your child. For example, discuss the best ways to respond if another student is being a bully, if he doesn't understand a lesson, or if he's having a problem with his teacher. Talking through potential problems before they occur can equip your child with the confidence he needs to overcome many of the more common obstacles that may come his way.

Back-to-School Tip #4: Be Proactive

When it comes to their children's experiences in school, many parents take a "wait and see" (or, in some cases, a "hold our breath and hope for the best") approach. Some may even be intimidated by school personnel, or may feel that advocating on their child's behalf will target them as being troublemakers.

In truth, being proactive doesn't mean that you're being pushy; rather, it means you are committed to your child's welfare, and you know that it's easier to solve a problem before it gets too big:

If your child has a learning disability that requires an Individualized Education Plan (IEP), be sure that the school is aware of this plan, has reviewed it, and is prepared to provide all required support.

If you suspect that your child may have an undiagnosed learning disability, request that she be tested by the school.

If your child has struggled with certain subjects, students, or situations in the past, talk to the new teacher(s) ahead of time to make them aware of your concerns and to ensure that if the problems recur they can be addressed before any significant damage has been done.

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Back-to-School Tip #5: Be Consistent

When it comes to your child and school, don't forget that routines are your ally. From consistent bedtimes to a well-established homework zone, developing positive habits can help ease anxiety and promote appropriate behaviors:

A few weeks before school starts, make sure that your child starts going to bed and getting up at the same times he will during the school year. This will help his body clock adjust, will increase the odds that he'll be awake and aware during first period, and will lessen the likelihood that you'll have to fight to get him out of bed and out the door.

Establish a "homework zone" in a quiet, clutter-free, and well-lit area of your house (away from the television). Schedule certain hours for study time, and provide supervision and assistance as needed.

Once you've established rules and procedures, enforce them. For example, if your child doesn't have homework on a certain night, use the study time to review his lessons with him or read a book with him. If you expect your child to be in bed at a certain hour, don't schedule (or permit) any late-night activities.

No set of rules, policies, or procedures can guarantee a successful school year for your child. But by embracing the ideas expressed above, you can increase the likelihood that both you and your child will be as prepared as possible for the challenges ahead.

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Chapter Four

Four Action Items for Parents of Students with Special Needs

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Most kids don't want summer to end, but if you are the parent of a special needs student, back-to-school anxiety can be much more than a typical case of the end-of-summer blues.

For students with learning disabilities, behavioral disorders, or other conditions that have resulted in significant academic frustration, heading back to school can feel like going back to prison – a place that they associate with fear, anxiety, depression, and failure.

Here are a few steps you can take during the summer months to help your child return to school with a more optimistic outlook, and an increased likelihood of experiencing success.

Action Item #1: Acknowledge Your Child's Concerns

A child who wishes for an extended summer vacation is hardly an anomaly. But as the parent of a special needs child, you know that attitudes and behaviors are often symptoms of underlying conditions – and unless you identify and address the root cause, the symptoms are likely to get worse.

Talk to your child about his attitude toward school, and make sure that this exchange is a discussion, not a lecture. Give him plenty of opportunities to speak, and really listen to what he has to say.

Lack of control can lead to frustration. To avoid this, make your child a partner in back-to-school preparations. Depending upon his age and maturity level, let him pick out back-to-school clothes and supplies, and have him "help" you establish his school day schedule (when to wake up, breakfast time, homework hour, bedtime).

Be positive, enthusiastic, and confident. Remind your child of successes that he had in previous years, let him know how proud you are of the work that he's done and the progress he has made, and tell him you're confident that this can be his best year yet.

Action Item #2: Address Your Child's Fears

Your child may not want to admit it (and my not even realize it), but her reluctance to go back to school may be due to fear; for example, fear of being made fun of or bullied, fear of not being able to understand the lessons, or fear of not getting along with her teacher.

Every effort you can make to identify, address, and ultimately dispel these fears will take you one step closer to a stress-free first day of school.

If your child will be attending a new school, arrange to take a "private tour" during the summer. If possible, take your child to her new room and ideally, have her meet her new teacher. Establishing even a small sense of familiarity with the people, places, and events she'll encounter when school starts will go a long way toward lessening her anxiety.

If your child is worried about encountering students or teachers with whom she had problems in previous years, address these matters on a case-by-case basis. If she will be in class with a teacher she dislikes, perhaps a summertime meeting with you, her, and the teacher can smooth things over.

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For potential problems with other students, help your daughter develop conflict-resolution skills, make sure she knows where to get help during the school day, and tell her that you'll express her concerns to her teacher before school starts.

Action Item #3: Go to Your Child's School

Hopefully, the professionals at your child's school are highly trained and well-versed in areas that are important to your child's education. But there's one essential area in which you are the unquestioned expert: your child.

Instead of waiting for a problem to occur, schedule a get-to-know-you meeting with your child's teachers and counselors to discuss your child's strengths and weaknesses, and to inform them of your desire to work with them.

Make sure that your child's Individualized Education Program (IEP) is current and that the school is prepared to provide all expected services.

Join the parent-teacher association or other similar organization, attend school functions, and maintain an active and positive presence at your child's school.

By expressing your desire to collaborate with your child's teachers, and by demonstrating that you have a positive contribution to make, you can develop an effective and mutually beneficial relationship.

Counselor educators Rita Sommers-Flanagan, Ph.D., and John Sommers-Flanagan, Ph.D., addressed this matter in an article that was posted on the website of the American School Counselor Association:

Parents of special-needs children often develop amazing abilities to obtain resources for their children. In our opinion, no other group of parents is as dedicated to their children’s academic opportunities, social and emotional development, and overall well-being than parents of children with special needs.

Typically, these parents have spent years advocating for their children. This is exhausting and often unrecognized and underappreciated work.

Action Item #4: Plan for Your Child's Success

Your child may have struggled in the past and may struggle in the future, but this doesn't mean that you can't plan for his success in a manner that is both optimistic and realistic.

Request frequent progress reports from the school. Many districts only send reports once per grading period, but by the time you find out that your child is having trouble, he may be so far behind that the class is practically a lost cause. Also, requesting regular reports ensures that you'll hear about successes, too – and there's no better way to surprise your child than to "catch" him doing something good!

Set meaningful, measureable, and attainable goals for your child. Expecting straight As or perfect attendance may be setting the bar too high, while establishing an objective to "do better in school" is too vague to be helpful. Start with small objectives (such as "study for 30 minutes

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every evening" or "don't miss school this week"), reward appropriately, and build on these victories.

Identify tutors and other sources of support before your child has a problem. If you think extra help is justified from the get-go, make regular tutoring sessions part of the weekly routine (which may help eliminate the stigma that being tutored is punishment for failure).

If you don't opt for extra help from the start, at least explain to your child that you want to make sure he has every opportunity to succeed, and that you are prepared to step in as soon as events warrant an academic intervention.

Obviously, educating a special needs student is a complex process that can't be captured in a few simple steps. But the issues discussed above can have a significant impact on your child's school-related attitudes, behaviors, and performance.

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About Us

Aspen Education Group is the nation’s leading provider of education programs for struggling or underachieving young people.

As the largest and most comprehensive network of therapeutic schools and programs, Aspen offers professionals and families the opportunity to choose a setting that best meets a student's unique academic and emotional needs.

Aspen's programs exist at the intersection of therapy and education for students that have demonstrated behavioral issues that are preventing them from achieving to their greatest potential.

Recognizing that every individual is different and challenged by different needs, Aspen offers a wide diversity of educational programs, settings and solutions that match client needs with the right learning and therapeutic environment.

Our help and services range from short-term intervention programs to residential treatment, and include a variety of therapeutic interventions including: boarding schools, wilderness therapy, residential treatment, special needs summer camps, and weight loss programs.

Aspen Education Group is a proud member of CRC Health Group, the nation’s largest provider of behavioral healthcare services.

For more about Aspen Education Group, please visit www.aspeneducation.com

For more about CRC Health Group, please visit www.crchealth.com