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Farzin FardissHelping people
Communicate better
Body Speaksor Secrets of Body Language
Farzin Fardissfardiss@parssaman.comTechnical Manager and Member of BoardPars Saman CompanyDec, 13, 2013
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Agenda
What do we mean by body language?
Role of body language
How can we interpret others behavior?
How can we improve our own behavior?
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Does it really need to have narration for Chaplin's performances ?
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Why is Steve Jobs one of the best sales person and presenters of the whole world?
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How Willy Brandt Captured the Peace Nobel Prize in 1971?
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How are you today? (گفت خود پيداست از زانوي تو)
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The same day but in the opposite mood!
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Can you guess what is the right man doing?
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Why aren’t you pouring her some soup?She can’t even wait for a minute!
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If you ask him what is the solution he would just kill you!
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Is he satisfied with the result?
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You should be so lucky not to be near him, he is so determined, isn’t he?
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Can you give me a better definition of struggle?
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Does it really need any Comment?
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Types of Communication
Communication
Non Verbal(Body language & Voice)
Verbal(Written & Oral)
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More important than what you say is how you say that!
Verbal are for transfer of information but non-verbal are for communication of feeling and Attitudes.
Psychologists* say that a person's impact depends 7% on what is said (words)38% on how it is said (voice, tone, stress)and 55% on body language*Albert Mehrabian
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Ingredients of body language
Body language is the first language on earth
Body language includesPosture, Walking and Body Plane
Appearance - Dress style
Gestures and openness
Personal Space
Eye contact
Facial Expression
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Non-verbal (Voice)
Verbal Communication is always accompanied by Non-Verbal communication
Tone
ProjectionDeliver with Clarity and Emphasis
PitchHigh or low Tone of speaking
PaceUsually 120-160 wpm
PausesFor emphasis, understanding
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‘Non-verbal channels are the
ones which seem to be least aware in
ourselves, but most aware in others’
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Reception and Perception Channels
Three dominant senses which are used to interpret the outside world:
Sight (visual person, 55%)
Touch (kinetic person, 30%)
Hearing (auditory person, 15%)
Each person has a predominant sense
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What is Body Language?
Body language is the language transmitted by gestures and postures and provides information about an individual’s character, emotions, and reactions
A person can stop speaking, but he can’t stop communicating with his body
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What is Body Language?
Signals emitted unconsciously always tell the truth
Gestures are the direct and unrepeatable expression of the personality
Each gesture synthesizes multiple contents, both conscious and unconscious
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What is Body Language?
Body language is a sensorial process from the point of view of perception and emission
The more signals we consciously attempt to perceiveand understand, the more accurate will be our interpretation of a person’s conduct
Only those persons who live in awareness of their body will be able to maintain sensitive contact with their surroundings
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Ladies perceive body language better!
“I feel that you are not telling the truth”
“I doubt your statement being true”
Experience of Showing 10 sec shots from infants cry in Hospitals without Sound
Most women recognize correctly
Most men say he/she wants his/her mother
This pattern is just the same for grandmothers/fathers
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Application of Body Language
Social LifeAttraction and LoveNegotiationLecture and PresentationSales & MarketingInvestigations …Frankly Speaking, For A Better Life
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Body language or kinesics Exercise 1
A favorite sport of many people is ‘people watching’ or,as Desmond Morris has called his very popular book,‘manwatching’What do you do when you are waiting on a railway platform, alone or at a busy doctors clinic…Possibly you can’t hear, so you are actually listening/ hearing/ reading their body languageIt is needless to state that to be a good body language reader you have to sharpen your powers of observation
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‘Actions speaks Louder
than Words’
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‘its not what he says, but the
way he says it’
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Arabian proverb
‘He who does not understand a look will not understand a long
explanation either’’العاقل باالشاره‘
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Do not judge immediately!
Some gestures or postures have different meanings in different parts of the world or in different cultures
Like any other language, body language consists of words, sentences and punctuation. Each gesture is like a single word and a word may have several different meanings. It is only when you put the word into a sentence with other words that you can fully understand its meaning.
Gestures come in ‘sentences’ and invariably tell the truth about a person’s feelings or attitudes.
The ‘perceptive’ person is one who can read the non-verbal sentences and accurately match them against the person’s verbal sentences
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Shoulder Shrug Gesture –Universal Body Language
I don’t know
or understand
what you are talking about
Exposed palms,
hunched shoulders
and raised brow
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Critical Evaluation Gesture –Universal Body Language
Hand -to-face gesture, with theindex finger pointing up the cheek
while another finger covers the mouth and the thumb supports the chin. The legs are tightly crossed
and the arm crosses the body (defensive) while the head and chin
are down (hostility)
‘I don’t like what you are saying and I disagree with you’
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Thumb Up Gesture –Non Universal Body Language
Britain, Australia and New Zealand “Ok” Signal
Greece and Iran
“Get Stuffed”
In Italy “Five”
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Everything’s OK Gesture –Non Universal Body Language
“OK” in English Speaking Countries, Spreading all over
the world
But
in France it also means ‘zero’ or ‘nothing’;
in Japan it can mean ‘money’;
in some Mediterranean countries it is an orifice signal, often used to infer that a man is
homosexual.
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Victory Gesture –Non Universal Body Language
“Up yours” in England, New Zealand, Australia when palm
facing in
But
Winston Churchill used it palm facing out in World War II as
“Victory ” sign
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Do not judge gestures individually!
Scratching the headItching
Dandruff or fleas,
Sweating,
Uncertainty,
Forgetfulness
Lying
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Gestures should be considered in context!
Context the gesture occur in
Person’s physical restrictions or disabilities (tight close or illness)
Social Status, Power or Prestige
More linguistic, less body language
Age and Education
Lower age, more body language
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Gestures vs. Age (Telling a lie or )
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Openness and Honesty
Submissive Palm Position
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Openness and Honesty
Dominant Palm Position
Submissive Palm Position
Aggressive Palm Position
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Shaking Hands 1
Dominant hand shake for taking control
Submissive hand shake for giving control
Normal shaking
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Shaking Hands 2
Dead Fish Hand shake
weak character
knuckle grinder is the trademark of the aggressive ‘tough guy’ type
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Shaking Hands 3
keep you at a distance
Fingertip grasp or Stiff-arm thrust
Arm Pull Hand Shake The initiator is from a closer
intimate zone culture
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Double Handed Handshake 1
Intention:
Show sincerity, trust or depth of feeling towards the receiver
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Double Handed Handshake 2
Extent of feeling is related to the distance that the initiator’s left hand is moved up the receiver’s right arm
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Glove Hand Shake (Politician’s)
The initiator tries to give the receiver the impression that he is trustworthy and honest, but when this technique is used on a person he has just met, it has the reverse effect. The receiver feels suspicious and cautious about the initiator’s intentions. The glove should only be used with people to
whom the initiator is well-known.
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Hand Clenched Gesture
Frustration gesture, signaling that the person is holding back a
negative attitude
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Steepling Hands
Confident or ‘know-it-all’ attitude
Specially for accountants, lawyers, managers
Raised SteeplingWhile Speaking
Lowered SteeplingWhile Listener
The movements preceding the steeple gesture are the key to interpret the outcome
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Gripping Hands
Superiority
Confidence
Unconscious act of fearlessness
Recommended when you are in a high stress situation, such as being interviewed by newspaper reporters or simply waiting outside a dentist’s surgery, Since you will
feel quite relaxed, confident and even authoritative.
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Gripping Arms, Wrists
Signal of frustration and an attempt at self-control
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Thumbs display
In palmistry, the thumbs denote strength of character and ego.
They are used to display dominance, superiority or even aggression
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Thumbs Up Gesture
Defensive or negative attitude, (folded arms)
plus a Superior attitude (displayed by the thumbs)
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Deceit, Doubt, Exaggeration or Lying
when we see, speak and hear untruths or deceit, we often
attempt to cover our mouth, eyes or ears with our hands
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Do not interpret hand-to-face gestures in isolation
When someone uses a hand-to- face gesture, it does not always mean that he
or she is lying.
It does, however, indicate that the person may be deceiving you and further
observation of his other gesture clusters can confirm your suspicions.
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Mouth Guard
Hand which covers the mouth
Thumb which is pressed against the cheek as the brain sub consciously instructs it to try and suppress the deceitful words that are being said
Fake cough
As a speaker
“Would someone care to comment on what I’ve just said?”
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Nose Touching
Several light rubs below the nose
One quick, almost imperceptible touch
Like the mouth guard gesture, it can be used both by the speaker to disguise his own deceit and by the listener who doubts the speaker’s words
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Eye Rub
Men usually rub their eyes vigorously
If the lie is a big one they will often look away, normally towards the floor
Women use a small, gentle rubbingmotion just below the eye, either because they have been brought up to avoid making robust gestures, or to avoid smudging make-up
They also avoid a listener’s gaze by looking at the ceiling
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Ear Rub
Rubbing the back of the ear,
The finger drill (where the fingertip is screwed back and forth inside the ear),
Pulling at the earlobe or
Bending the entire ear forward to cover the ear hole
This last gesture is also a signal that the person has heard enough or may want to speak
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Neck Scratch
Index finger of the writing handscratches below the earlobe, or may even scratch the side of the neck
Signal of doubt or uncertainty
‘I’m not sure I agree.’
Mostly 5 times
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Collar Pull
Lie causes a slight trickle of sweaton the neck when the deceiver feels that you suspect he is lying
Feeling angry or frustrated and needs to let the cool air circulate around neck
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Pain in the neck
Exaggerated version of the collar pull
When lying usually used to avoid your gaze and look down
Signal of frustration or anger
The hand slaps the back of the neck first and then begins to rub the neck
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Forgetfulness
Forgetfulness by slapping his head, either on the forehead or the back of the neck, as if he were symbolically hitting himself
Forehead, is not really sorry
Neck, is almost sorry
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Fingers in the mouth
When a person is under pressure
Inner need for reassurance
Giving the person guarantees and assurances is appropriate
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Boredom
His supporting hand holds his head up to stop himself from falling asleep
Drumming the fingers on the table and continual tapping of the feet on the floor are often misinterpreted by professional speakers as boredom signals, but in fact they signal impatience
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Interested Evaluation
Closed hand resting on the cheek, often with the index finger pointing upwards
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Negative or Critical Evaluation or thought
Finger points vertically up the cheekand the thumb supports the chin
The listener is having negative or critical thoughts about the speaker or his subject
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Chin Stroke
Chin-stroking gesture is the signal that the listener is making a decision
Removing glasses and putting one arm of the frame in the mouth
Pipe-smoker puts his pipe in his mouth
Pen or pencil
The following movements will indicate whether their decision is negative or positive
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Standard Arm Cross as a Barrier
Hide and Sick in Childhood
Decrease in understanding of a class in case of this gesture = 38%
Attempt to block out the impending threat or undesirable circumstances
When a person has a nervous, negative or defensive attitude, he will fold his arms firmly on his chest, a strong signal that he feels threatened
Besides the feeling of threat, less attention
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Reinforced Arm Cross
Clenched fists
Indicates a hostile and defensiveattitude
This cluster is often combined with clenched teeth and red face, in which case a verbal or physical attack may be imminent
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Reinforced Arm Cross
Stop any attempt to unfold the arms and expose the body
In a lawyer’s office
The prosecutor may be seen using a fists-clenched arm-cross
The defence may have taken the arm- gripping position
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Partial Arm Barrier
Mostly seen at meetings where a person may be a stranger to the group or is lacking in self-confidence
Holding hands with oneself for people who stand before a crowd to receive an award or give a speech
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Disguised Arm Cross
Highly sophisticated gestures used by people who are continually exposed to others
Politicians,
Sales people,
Television personalities
and the like who do not want their audience to detect that they are unsure of themselves or nervous
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Standard Leg Cross Gesture
Like arm barrier gestures, crossed legs are a signal that a negative or defensive attitude may exist
One leg is crossed neatly over the other, usually the right over the left
When the crossed legs gesture is combined with crossed arms, the person has withdrawn from the conversation
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American Figure 4 Leg Lock Position
Leg cross indicates that an argumentative or competitive attitude exists
Figure 4 leg cross with one or both hands, using them as a clamp; a sign of the tough-minded, stubborn individual who may need a special approach to break through his resistance
this
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Standing Leg Cross Gestures
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Open Body and Open Attitude
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Ankle-Lock Gesture
Male version; is often combined with clenched fists resting on the knees or with the hands tightly gripping the arms of the chair
Female version; the knees are held together, the feet may be to one side and the hands rest side by side or one on top of the other resting on the upper legs
Mentally ‘biting his lip’, holding back an emotion or attitude or valuable concession
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Foot Lock
Almost exclusively used by women
The top of one foot locks around the other leg to reinforce a defensive attitude
The woman has become a mental recluse or has retreated like a tortoise into her shell
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Straddling a Chair
Most chair straddlers are dominant individuals who will try to take control of other people or groups when they become bored with the conversation, and the back of the chair serves as good protection from any ‘attack’ by other members of the group.
He is often discreet and can slip into the straddle position almost unnoticed
Stand or sit behind him
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Picking Imaginary Lint
Person disapproving of the opinions or attitudes of others but feeling constrained in giving his point of view, the non-verbal gestures that show is displacement gestures, that is result from a withheld opinion (Picking imaginary pieces of lintfrom the clothing is a sample)
The lint picker usually looks away from the other people towards the floor while performing this minor, irrelevant action to show this one of the most common signals of disapproval
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Neutral Head Position
Person who has a neutral attitudeabout what he is hearing
Head nod (Up and Down) is a positive gesture used in most cultures to signify, ‘Yes’, or affirmation
The headshake (Left and Right) usually means ‘No’
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Interested Head Position 1
Head tilted to one side shows that interest has developed
Giving a sales presentation or delivering a speech, always make a point of looking for this gesture among your audience.
When you see them tilt their heads and
lean forward using
hand-to-chin evaluation gestures, you are getting the point across
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Interested Head Position 2
Women use this head position to show interest in an attractive male
When others are speaking to you, all you need do is use the head-tilted position and head nods to make the listener feel warm towards you.
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Disapproval Down Head Position
The attitude is negative and even judgmental
Critical evaluation clusters are normally made with the head down and, unless you can get the person’s head up or tilted, you may have a communication problem
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Both Hands Behind Head Gesture
Professionals as accountants, lawyers, sales managers, bank managers or people who are feeling confident, dominant, or superior about something
‘I have all the answers’
‘Maybe one day you’ll be as smart as I am’,
‘Everything’ s under control’
‘Know-it-all’ individual
People may find it irritating
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I am just as smart as you!
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Aggressive Ready for Action Gesture
Aggressive pose
Display of fearlessness
Birds fluff their feathers to make themselves appear bigger when they are fighting or courting;
Humans use the hands-on-hips gesture for the same purpose
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Seated Readiness 1
One of the most valuable gestures that a negotiator can learn to recognize is seated readiness
In the selling situation if the potential buyer were to take this gesture at the endof the sales presentation and the interview had progressed successfullyup to that point, the sales person could ask for the order and expect to get it
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Seated Readiness 2
Whenever the seated readiness gesture followed the chin stroking gesture (decision- making), the client bought
The seated readiness gesture is also taken by the angry person who is ready for something else - to throw you out
The preceding gesture clusters give the correct assessment of the person’s intentions
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Starter’s Position
Readiness gestures that signal a desire to end a conversation or encounter are leaning forward
with both hands on both knees, or
with both hands gripping the chair
Would be wise for you to take the lead and terminate it; this allows you to maintain a psychological advantage and to keep the control
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Eye Signals
Eyes may well give the most revealing and accurate of all human communication signals because they are a focal point on the body and the pupils work independently
The pupils will dilate or contract as the person’s attitude and mood change from positive to negative and vice versa. When someone becomes excited, his pupils can dilate up to four times their normal size. Conversely, an angry, negative mood causes the pupils to contract to what are commonly known as ‘beady little eyes’ or ‘snake eyes’
Pupil watching was used by the ancient Chinese gem traders who watched for the pupil dilation of their buyers when negotiating prices
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Eye Contact
‘Look a person in the eye when you
talk to him’
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Eye Contact
‘to build a good rapport with another person, your
gaze should meet his about 60 to 70 percent of
the time’
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Eye Signals
Interesting or appealing
Hostile
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Eye Signals
Shy or Timid
Cultural Limitations
Dishonest or holding back information
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Gaze Behavior
Intimate Gaze Social Gaze Business Gaze
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Sideways Glance
Used to communicate either interest or hostility
When it is combined with slightly raised eyebrows or a smile, it communicates interest and is frequently used as a courtship signal
If it is combined with down-turned eyebrows, furrowed brow or the corners of the mouth down-turned, it signals a suspicious, hostile or critical attitude
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Eye Block Gesture
Compared to the normal rate of six to eight blinks per minuteduring conversation, the eyelids close and remain closed for a second or longer as the person momentarily wipes you from his mind
If a person feels superior to you, the eye block gesture is combined with the head tilted backwards to give you a long look, commonly known as ‘looking down one’s nose’
When you see an eye block gesture during a conversation, it is a signal that the approach you are using may be causing a negative reaction and that a new tack is needed if effective communication is to take place
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Controlling a person’s Gaze
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Smoking
One of the displacement activities
While a smoker will cover up his anxiety by smoking, non-smokers perform other rituals such as grooming, nail biting, finger and foot tapping, cufflink adjusting, head scratching, taking a ring off and putting it back on, playing with a tie and demonstrating numerous other gestures that tell us the person needs reassurance
Pipe smokers perform a cleaning, lighting, tapping, filling, packing and puffing ritual with their pipes and this is a very useful way to help relieve tension when they are under pressure
If the smoker lights a cigarette and suddenly extinguishes it earlier than he normally would, he has signaled his decision to terminate the conversation
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Cigarette Smokers Attitude
Feeling positive, superior or confident will blow the smoke in an upward direction most of the time
Negative, secretive or suspiciousframe of mind will blow the smoke down and from the corner of the mouth most of the time
Continual tapping of a cigar or cigarette end on the ashtray shows that an inner conflict is taking place and that you may need to reassurethe smoker
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Stall
Glasses-in-mouth gesture can be used to stall or delay a decision
Continually taking the glasses offand cleaning the lenses is another method used by glasses wearers to gain time for a decision
Silence is the best tactic in return
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Peering Over Glasses
Whoever is on the receiving end of this look may feel as though he is being judged or scrutinized
Looking over the glasses can be a very costly mistake, as the listener inevitably responds to this look with folded arms, crossed leggy and a correspondingly negative attitude
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Territorial Gestures
People lean against other people or objects to show a territorial claim to that object or person
Also used as a method of dominance or intimidation when the object being leaned on belongs to someone else
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Intimidation or territorial Gesture
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Ownership Gestures
Leg-over chair gesture not only signifies the man’s ownership of that particular chair or space, but also signals that customary etiquettes may be relaxed
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Carbon Copies and Mirror Images 1
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Carbon Copies and Mirror Images 2
This ‘carbon copying’ is a means by which one person tells the other that he is in agreement with his ideas and attitudes
‘As you can see, I think the same as you, so I will copy your posture and gestures’
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Body Lowering and Status
Lowering the height of one’s body in front of another person has been used as a means of establishing superior/sub ordinate relationships
Tall people command more authority than short people
There are some circumstances under which lowering the body can be a dominance signal. E.g. where you slouch down and make yourself comfortable in an easy chair in another person’s home while the owner is standing
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Body Lowering and Status
Height can also be detrimental to some aspects of one-to-one communication where you need to ‘talk on the same level’ or have an ‘eye-to-eye’ discussion with another person
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Pointer Postures
The direction in which a person points his or her torso or feet is a signal of where he or she would prefer to be going
It is noticeable that often in negotiations, when one person has decided to terminatethe negotiation or wants to leave, he will turn his body or swing his feet to point towards the nearest exit
Do something to get the person involved and interested or else terminate the conversation on your terms, which allows you to maintain the control
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Pointer Postures Open Formation
The angle at which people orient their bodies also gives many non-verbal clues to their attitudes and relationships.
For example, people in most English speaking countries stand with their bodies oriented to form an angle of 90degrees during ordinary social intercourse.
This also serves as a non-verbal invitation for a third person to join in the conversation by standing at the third point
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Pointer Postures Closed Formation
When intimacy or privacy is requiredby two people, the angle formed by their torsos decreases from 90 degrees down to 0 degrees
Both parties may mirror each other’s gestures if they are interested in each other
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Pointer Postures
Third Person is welcome and accepted
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Pointer Postures
Third Person is not accepted although the two person are looking at him!
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Pointer Postures-Seated Body Pointing
Crossing the knees towards another person is a sign of acceptance or interest in that person.
Farzin FardissHelping People
Communicate BetterBody Language Skills Workshop 120
Pointer Postures
Not only do the feet serve aspointers, indicating the directionin which a person would like togo, but they are also used topoint at people who areinteresting or attractive
Farzin FardissHelping People
Communicate BetterBody Language Skills Workshop 124
Territories and Zones
Farzin FardissHelping People
Communicate BetterBody Language Skills Workshop 128
Personal Zone and Negative reaction in case of an intruder
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Communicate BetterBody Language Skills Workshop 129
Practical Applications of Zone Distances 1
Personal Area (territory) is dependent of the population Lion in a forest in Africa, 60km
Lion in a cage in zoo, 10m
Rural Areas, Urban Areas, Lift
The intrusion of a stranger into intimate zone causesphysiological changes
heart pumps faster,
adrenalin pours into the bloodstream,
blood is pumped to the brain and the muscles
as physical preparations for a possible fight or flight situation
Farzin FardissHelping People
Communicate BetterBody Language Skills Workshop 130
Practical Applications of Zone Distances 2
Police interrogators use territorial invasion techniques to break down the resistance of criminals being questioned
Managers do the same to extract information from subordinates who may be withholding it.
Salesmen should take care not to do this with their customers
Farzin FardissHelping People
Communicate BetterBody Language Skills Workshop 131
Impact of Living Area on Territories!
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