The Art and Science of the Conversation

THE ART AND SCIENCE OF THE CONVERSATION

Successfully Navigate HR Challenges March 5, 2014

MARGO BOSTER • More than 30 years of professional experience in senior

leadership primarily in the information technology, health IT, and telecommunications industries

• International Coaching Federation credentialed coach • Center for Credentialing and Education Board Certified

Executive Coach • Georgetown University Certified Leadership Coach • BS in Psychology with emphasis in Organizational Effectiveness,

University of Maryland • Lominger Competency Assessments, MBTI, Organizational

Culture Assessment Instrument (OCAI), CCL Assessments

ENHANCING THE PERFORMANCE OF LEADERS, TEAMS AND ORGANIZATIONS

@ImpaQ_Solutions

Organizational/Team Development

Organizational Culture

Executive/Leadership Coaching

Business Operations Advising

Strategic Planning

Does the amount of talking exceed the

amount of understanding?

SOME TIPS FOR YOU

3 People Who Get On Your Last Nerve!

3 People You Admire

Write the characteristics of each

All conversations are with myself, and sometimes they involve other people

[Susan Scott]

MEET THEM WHERE THEY ARE

Remember there are (at

least) two people in

the conversation.

From where is the other

person coming?

You can only be

one place at a time

– pick your spot

SILENCE

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY!?

Solve The Problem

Burnout happens, not because we’re trying to solve problems but because we try to solve the same problems over and over and over…

TACKLE YOUR CHALLENGE

What is the conversation you have been

putting off; the person whose attitude or

behavior is problematic?

MAKE IT REAL

Come out from behind yourself into the

conversation and make it real

Stop trying to be so careful; be skillful but

not careful

…MORE TIPS FOR YOU

“The secret of good communication is

finding simplicity within complicated

matters.”

INTERROGATE REALITY

How did you go bankrupt?

Gradually, then suddenly.

MINERAL RIGHTS

• If you’re drilling for water, it’s better to drill one 100-foot well than 100 one-foot wells.

• Interrogates reality by mining for increased clarity, improved understanding and impetus for change.

USEFUL QUESTIONS

• What do I need to know when I’m considering you for this position? (interviewing question)

• What questions do you have for me? (after making an announcement)

• What question have I not asked that I should have? (coaching question)

• What do you notice? (when giving feedback / performance review)

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

Accept responsibility

for the emotional

impact of your

actions

JUST (DON’T) DO IT

THE CORPORATE NOD

… count the seconds between time a

question is asked and when the speaker

resumes talking…

NO BUT ABOUT IT…

I like what you’ve done here but these pages need to be changed

-or- I like what you’ve done here and these

pages need to be changed

Sometimes we put so many pillows around a

message that the message gets lost

altogether.

Replace pillows with clear requests

HAVING THE CONVERSATION

• “The Issue” • Evaluation and Coaching • Requests • Confrontation • Effective 1:1s • Feedback

Often when someone says “Let’s talk about this” what they mean is “Let me tell you what I think so you can agree with me.”

DATA What did I see and hear? Facts,

reality, what actually happened (Assertions)

FEELINGS What emotions did I feel?

Happiness? Fear? Anger? Sadness?

(Expressions)

JUDGMENTS What are my interpretations,

beliefs, conclusions? (Assessments)

WHATS What do I want for me, for you,

for our relationship, for the team, etc? (Declarations)

WILLINGNESS What am I willing to do to

help bring about desired outcomes?

(Offers, Requests, etc.) The Issue

Success Profiles

Professional Development

Plan

Job Requirements Corporate Competences

Behavioral Expectations

Mapping

Functional/ Technical Skills

Success Profiles

Assessment Criteria Assessment Tools

Behavioral Expectations

Developmental Areas

Developmental Tools For Your

Improvement (FYI) Card Sort & Placemats

EVALUATION AND COACHING

REQUESTS

1. If no isn’t an option it isn’t a request, it’s a demand

2. Say what you mean “Do you want to get me something to drink

while you’re up?”

APPROPRIATE RESPONSES

• Accept: “Yes” • Decline: “No” • Counteroffer: “No, but I can….” • Commit to commit at a later time: “I’ll get back to you

by…”

“Honey, the dog needs to go out.”

“OK”

CONFRONTATION CONVERSATIONS

1. Make a date to sit down and talk; allows time for you to calm down

2. Identify problem, needs and issues 3. Interpersonal confrontation 4. Listen to the other’s point of view 5. Resolve the problem by agreeing to a specific

course of action 6. Follow up on the resolution by setting a

time/date/location to evaluate how things are going

Lulofs & Cahn, 2000

Ask Per-mission 1 Open

Gently 2 Be Clear

and Direct

3 Ask For Insights 4 As for a

Solution 5 End with

Action Steps

6

FEEDBACK CONVERSATION

COMMON MISTAKES OF 1:1

1. Doing most of the talking 2. Taking the problem away from someone 3. Not inquiring about feelings 4. Delivering unclear messages 5. Canceling the meeting 6. Allowing interruptions 7. Running out of time 8. Assuming your one-on-ones are effective

TIPS IN SUMMARY

• Recognize what you bring to the conversation • Meet them where they are • Be here now • Embrace silence • Interrogate reality • Ask useful questions • Make it real • Take responsibility • NO to the Corporate Nod • NO “But” about it • NO pillows

PARTING THOUGHTS

• Conversations can be our best friend or our worst enemy – we each have the power to choose.

• There is an art and a science to positive conversations. • You and those in your company can learn to have

powerful, effective conversations.

CONTACT US

margo.boster@impaq-solutions.com

703.864.8334

www.impaq-solutions.com

@ImpaQ_Solutions

https://www.facebook.com/ImpaQSolutions

www.linkedin.com/in/margoboster

http://www.linkedin.com/company/impaq-solutions-llc/