View
285
Download
0
Category
Tags:
Preview:
Citation preview
Love and Logic
Kathy Utter
Kate Wessel
Introduction
Love and Logic
A strategy used to reduce the reactivity of adults to students by setting firm limits in caring ways without anger, lecture and threats. When students do cause problems, the adults hand the problem back to the student in caring ways that promote thinking.
Background
“Drill Sergeant” approach
Tends to activate the Emotional BrainDoes not develop thinking skillsInsulting to some kidsInterferes with free will
A.W. Atkinson, MD
Background
“Natural Consequences”Good but often not sufficientAdding empathy helps to increase the chances of
getting the thinking brain going
Rewards, praise, stickers etc.Develops expectancy of always getting somethingNovelty wears offSome kids are immune--don’t careDoes not develop thinking skills
A.W. Atkinson, MD
Background
When we start feeling frustrated, we are entering the Emotional/Reactive Brain Zone.
We are giving over our own control.
We increase the students’ reactivity. A.W. Atkinson, MD
Background
Love and LogicCalms the reactive brain with empathy and
delayed consequencesEncourages thinking skills with choices and use
of problems solving with studentsOne liners help staff to be less reactive
A.W. Atkinson, MD
The 9 Essential Skil ls1. Neutral ize Arguing
2. Delay the Consequences
3. Empathy
4. The Recovery Process
5. Develop Positive Relationships
6. Set Limits with Enforceable Statements
7. Use Choices to Prevent Power Struggles
8. Quick and Easy Interventions
9. Guide Students to Own and Solve Their Problems
The Rules of Love and Logic
RULE #1
Use enforceable limits
The Rules of Love and Logic
Rule #2
Provide choices within limits.
The Rules of Love and Logic
Rule #3
Apply consequences with empathy.
Enforceable Limits
Setting enforceable limits involves telling students how you will be acting and handling situations.
Enforceable Limits
The effective application of limits requires that children have implied choices and be forced into thinking mode.
This means that we are not telling kids what to do we are telling them what we will do. This is limit setting.
Enforceable Limits
Turn Your Words Into Gold“Get your finger out of your nose.”
“I will listen to you when your fingers are not in your nose.”
“Stop whining.”
“I will listen as soon as your voice is as calm as mine.”
“You show some respect.”
“I will be glad to discuss this when respect is shown”
Choices Within Limits
Give 99% of your choices when things are going well.
Make deposits into the “Choices Saving Account”
Give choices before the student becomes resistant.
For each choice give two options, each of which you like.
If your student does not make a timely choice, make the choice for him/her.
Choices Within Limits
Delivery is important:You’re welcome to--or--Feel free to--or--Would you rather--or--What would be best for you--or--
Choice Within Limits
Assigning math problemsBathroom breaksFree timeHomework
Choices Within Limits
Power StrugglesOften times winning a power struggle is more important to a child than making a good decision, particularly if the child feels that he/she does not have much control over things.
Choices Within Limits
Take a “Savings Account” approachMake frequent deposits when things are going
well. Use phrases such as “That’s your choice,” and “You decide.”
When you need to make a withdrawal it is easier because the child sees you sharing control. Use phrases such as, “Don’t I let you make a lot of the choices? Well, this time I need to decide.”
Choices Within Limits
Don’t be afraid to say, “I usually give choices, but not this time.”
Never give a choice unless you are willing to let the child experience the consequence of that choice
Never give choices when a child is in a dangerous situation
Never give choices unless you are willing to make the choice if the child does not
Choices Within Limits
Shared Control“We either give control on our terms, or the kids
will take it on theirs.”
“Do I want to control kids or do I want to obtain their cooperation?”
“We need control over our lives. When we don’t get it, we go after control over others.”
Consequences With Empathy
The effective teacher administers consequences with empathy and understanding, as apposed to anger and lecture.
When adults respond with anger and lectures, children often transform their sorrow into anger with the adult--the lesson may be lost.
Consequences with Empathy
“No behavior technique will have a lasting, positive result if it is not delivered with compassion, empathy, or understanding.”
Teaching with Love and Logic
Consequences With Empathy
The child is not distracted by the adult’s anger.The child must “own” his or her pain rather than
blaming it on the adult.The adult-child relationship is maintained.The child is much less likely to seek revenge.The adult is seen as being able to handle
problems without breaking a sweat.The child learns through modeling to use
empathy with others.
Consequences With Empathy
How to Destroy the Teaching Value of Logical Consequences:
Say, “This will teach you a good lesson.”Display anger or disgustExplain the value of the consequenceTalk too muchFeel sorry and give inContrive a consequence for the purpose of
getting even
Consequences with Empathy
Problems with Immediate Consequences:
Most of us have great difficulty thinking of one while we are teaching.
We “own” the problem rather than handing it back to the student. We do more thinking than the child.
We are forced to react while we and the student are upset.
Consequences with Empathy
Problems with Immediate Consequences:
We don’t have time to anticipate how the student, his/her parents, our administrators, and others will react to our response.
We don’t have time to put together a reasonable plan.
We often end up making threats we can’t back up.
Consequences with Empathy
Problems with Immediate Consequences:
We generally fail to deliver a strong dose of empathy before providing the consequence.
Every day we live in fear that some student will do something that we won’t know how to handle with an immediate consequence.
Consequences with Empathy
“This is sad. I’m going to have to do something about this. But not now, later.”
Consequences With Empathy
Delayed Consequence
Consequences do not need to be delivered immediately.
Take time to develop a plan.
Include the student in the development of the consequence by using the problem solving
steps.
Consequences with Empathy
Problem Solving StepsEmpathy: “How sad.” “Bummer.”Send the power message: “What do you think you are
going to do?”Offer choices: “”Would you like to hear what other kids
have tried.”Have the child state the consequences: “And how would
that work for you?”Give permission for the child to either solve or not solve
the problem: “Good luck. I hope it works out for you.”
Bonus Features
The One Sentence Intervention
“I’ve noticed that__________. I’ve noticed that.”
Do this twice a week for at least three weeks.
Bonus Features
Neutralize student arguingGo Brain DeadChoose a one-liner
“I respect you too much to argue.”“I bet it feels that way.”“Could be.”
Do not attempt to think--Become a broken record. Keep voice soft.
Bonus Features
Love and Logic Classroom Rules
I will treat you with respect so you will know how to treat me.
Feel free to do anything that does not cause a problem for anyone else.
If you cause a problem, I’ll ask you to solve it.
Bonus Features
Love and Logic Classroom Rules Continued:
If you can’t solve the problem or chose not to, I will do something.
What I do will depend on the special person and the special circumstances.
If you feel something is unfair, whisper to me, “I don’t think that’s fair,” and we will talk.
Bonus Features
Teaseproof Your StudentsPut on your “cool look”
Use a one liner, “Thanks for telling me.”
Walk away
Share with teacher in private
Resources
www.loveandlogic.com
Contact Kathy Utter to check out Love and Logic resources such as DVDs, CDs, and books.
Bibliography
Teaching with Love and Logic
Jim Fay and David Funk
Calming the Reactive Brain
presentation by A.W. Atkinson, MD
Recommended