Adding a Co-Wife

Adding a Co-Wife

Leanna Wolfe

Variations in Polysexuality

• Denial / Avoidance / Fantasy

• Traditional Polygamy (polygyny/polyandry)

• Clandestine Affair

• Single and Dating

• Prostitution / Concubine / Mistress

• Serial Monogamy

• Swinging / Open Marriage

More Variations in Polysexuality

• Polyfidelity– V and triads – intimate networks

• Polyamory• Gender Monogamy• Sex Cults• Group Marriage

– residential / separate households

Why Is There So Much Monogamy?

Why Is There So Much Monogamy?

• The Roman Catholic Church in the 4th century AD banned a variety of marital practices that would have enabled families without sons to generate male heirs. These included polygyny, concubinage, divorce, and remarriage.

• Ultimately, many families’ wealth transferred to the church.

Male Reproductive Strategies• Human males like other ground dwelling

primates are by nature polygynous– The alpha male in a primate troop will usually

fertilize upwards of 50% of the females– Natural Selection favors males who become the

polygynous alpha males– Being that species survival is enhanced by genetic

variation, males with strong polygynous proclivities would be favored.

Female Reproductive Strategies

• Ally with a powerful, protective, and wealthy male

• Give all males the impression that they could be the baby’s father

• Sneak off with genetically valuable strangers while maintaining alliance with alpha male (sexy son hypothesis)

Social Conditions that Foster Polygyny

• Demographic Gender Imbalance

– early male death resulting from war, accidents, homicide and disease

• Social Acceptability– 85% of the cultures of the world permit polygyny (e.g. Woodable,

Luo, Masaai, Asante,, Kapauku, U.S. Mormons)

• Economics

– wealthy, often older men can afford the brideprice and responsibility of multiple wives and their resultant offspring

With My Luo Hosts in Western Kenya

With my Huli Hosts

Reasons African Men Marry Additional Wives

• Additional Progeny Desired• Wives Inherited from Deceased Brothers (Levirate)• Expression of Responsibility for Men with Prestige,

Power, and Resources• Status Marker• Additional Labor Power Required• Mothering Insurance• Passion, Love, and Romance

Luo Polygynous Triad

Luo Extended Family

Benefits to Being Polygynous Men Women

• Greater Prestige

• Increased Female Labor Power

• More Heirs

• Mothering Insurance

• Larger Family

– less social isolation

– often greater economic security

• Assistance with childcare and domestic tasks from co-wives

Residence PatternsResidence Patterns

• Luo Circular Hut Compound

• Masaai Hut Compound

• Papua New Guinea (co-wives share residence, husband sleeps in men’s house)

• U.S. Mormons (separate households, or main house with adjacent trailers)

Luo Compound -- Main Entrance

Luo Compound--Private Entrance

Masaai Compound

Huli Co-Wives House

Huli Men’s House

Huli Men

Huli Polygynist

Enga Women with their Pigs

Sweet Potato Garden

African First Wives’ Reactions to the Arrival of a Second Wife• Concern About the Division of Food and

Material Resources

• Considered a Normal Event

• Intensified Focus on her Children’s Well-Being (re: resources for them)

• Little Concern Over Not Being Husband’s Favorite Wife

• Adjustment Expected

Luo Sister Co-Wives

Young Luo Polygynous Family

Masaai Polygynous Triad

Jealousy and PolygynyJealousy and Polygyny• Occurs when resources can be divided

unevenly

• Can happen when visiting times are unequal

• Can arise when favoritism is suspected

• Can occur when it is not chosen by the wives– switching from monogamy to polygyny– co-wives that don’t get along

American Wives Reaction to the Discovery of a Husband’s Infidelity

• Self Esteem, Reputation, and Ego Threatened• Attractiveness Questioned• Marriage Counseling Sought to Remedy this

“Abnormal” Event• Reframing of Marriage Expected

– e.g. end the affair, trial separation, divorce

Favoritism is Irrelevant When Resources are Shared Equally

• Husbands Endeavor to Treat Their Wives Equally

• Second Wives Not Displace First Wives, etc.

• Newest Wives are “Favorites” Until A Subsequent One is Added

• Wives Who Are Not “Favorites” Typically Shrug it off

Family Issues That Challenge Africans

• Husbands Who Cannot Afford Additional Wives (but take them anyway)

• Co-existence of several different marriage forms (customary polygyny, Muslim polygyny, Christian/ Hindu monogamy, and statutory monogamy)

• Widows Who Refuse to be Inherited by Brother-in-Laws (levirate)

Family Issues That Challenge Africans, con’t

• First Wives who refuse to accept additional wives into their family and attempt to return to their natal families or live on their own

• Co-Wife Competition• Men Who Don’t Actively Parent Their Children• Wives Who Expect Their Husbands to Provide All

Financial Resources• AIDS --focus on reproductive sex speeds its

transmission

Family Issues That Challenge Americans

• The Nuclear Family is Expected to Meet Family Needs– high expectations for multiple levels of Male/Female

compatibility• Affairs and Divorce Break up Families

– divorce often separates fathers from their children• Fear of Interdependence

– institutions expected to provide for what was once the realm of the extended family

Family Issues That Challenge Americans, con’t

• Inadequate Childcare Services & Resources

• Children Seen as a Financial and Time Liability (rather than an asset)

• Insufficient Resources available to Single Mothers

• Children Feel Little Obligation to Assist their Parents in their Old Age