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April2016
BuildingTrustandAttachment
Whenachildissuddenlytakenfromhishome,andfromhisfamily,andplacedinahomeagainsthiswill,thereareboundtobeissuesoftrust.Onewaytocombatthisistocreateatrustingandnurturingenvironmentwithinyourownhome.Letyourfosterchildknowasearlyaspossiblethatheiswelcomeinyourhouse.Alongwiththis,youwillwanttoletyourfosterchildknowthatyourhouseisasafeone,andthathewillnotcometoharminyourhome.Notonlydoyouwanttoletyourfosterchildknowthiswhenhejoinsyourfamily,itisjustasimportanttoremindhimofthisasoftenaspossible.Youwanttoshowyourfosterchildthatheisimportanttoyou.Forsomechildren,thismightbeanewexperience,astheyhaveneverbeenshownvaluebefore.
Trustcanalsobebuiltbyshowingyourfosterchildthatyoucareforhim.Buildingatrustingrelationshipmeansshowingyourfosterchildthatyouareconcernedforhiswell-being,physically,emotionally,mentally,andacademically.Showingcompassionforyourfosterchildisanimportantpartofbuildingahealthyrelationship,asheneedstoknowandfeelthatyoucareforhim.Afterall,closerelationshipsbetweenchildrenandadultsisacentralpartofavoidingfurtherriskybehavior.Trust,though,doestaketime,andforsomefosterchildren,itmaytakeaverylongperiodoftime.Remember,youareplantingseeds,here,thatyoumayneverseecometofruition.
Asyourfosterchildwillneedtimetoadjusttohisnewhomeandenvironment,hewillrequiretimeandpatiencefromyou.Alongwiththis,hewillalsoneedyourcompassion,andyourunderstandingduringwhatissuretobeaveryemotionalandtraumatictimeforhim.Remember,heisinastrangehome,withstrangers;yourhomeandyourfamily,nothisown.Tohim,everythingisstrangeandnew;anewhome,newfood,new“parents,”new“brothersandsisters,”andnewrulesandexpectationsforhimtofollow.Likelytocompoundhisconfusionevenfurther,anewschool,alongwithnewstudentsandteachers,ifhehasmovedfromanotherschoolsystem.Asyoucanimagine,itislikelythathemayactoutinavarietyofwaysashestrugglestounderstandthesevereandsuddenchangesinhislife.Yourfosterchildmayexhibitsuddenoutburstsofangerandaggressivebehavior,extremeboutsofsadnessanddepressionorevenimaginativestoriesabouthisbirthfamily.Indeed,itisnotunlikelythathewillexhibitallofthese.Furthermore,hemayevenexpressnoemotions,atall,andseemcompletelyshutofftoyou,inanemotionalmanner.Asfosterparents,itisimportantthatyoudonottakehisbehaviorpersonally.Afterall,heisattemptingtounderstandhisfeelings,andcopethebestwayhecan,andperhapstheonlywayheknows.
Keepthisinmind,though.Youhavemadeadifference.Youhavemadeatremendousdifferenceinthelifeofachildinneed.Thoughyoumaynotbeabletorecognizeit,youhavechangedthelifeofachild,andhavedonesoforthebetter.Yearslater,afterafosterchildhasleftyourhome,hemaynotrememberyourface.Hemaynotrememberyourname.Yet,thatchildwillrememberonething;thathewasimportant,andthathewasloved.Thankyouforlovingchildreninfostercare.Thankyouforchangingtheworld,onechildatatime.(ExcerptstakenfromDr.JohnDeGarmo)
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SPIDERDOGS
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