Chapter 4 Listening & Talking to Your Child

CHAPTER 4LISTENING &

TALKING TO YOUR CHILD

COMMUNICATIONIs the

To most relationships

LISTENING TO YOUR CHILD

HOW TO BE A GOOD LISTENER

Why is listening for feelings important?

UnderstandingThink about what and why

Solve problemsTalking about feelings OK

HOW TO BE A GOOD LISTENER

Listen for feelingsListen with your body hear the feelingsUse reflective listening (not paraphrasing)

REFLECTIVE LISTENINGReflecting what you think your child feels and says.

Use the words “you feel” and “because”.

Sample in the book – carnival.

Overused wordsGood, bad, upset.

Look for “body” feelingsFrown or a smileThrowing thingsState the feeling

HOW TO BE A GOOD LISTENER

FEELINGS

• “Frowning.”• “Face is happy”• “Looks Upset.”

FEELINGS

• Things to keep in mind–Surprised Child.–Respectful Questioning.–Check your feelings–Help with saying no.–Not always necessary.

REFLECTIVE LISTENINGCheck your feelings RL helps when you have to say no.

Give feedback Then your child will know you understand his/her feelings.

REFLECTIVE LISTENING FORMULA

REFLECTIVE LISTENING1. You’re (insert feeling

word) for or because (state reason for the feeling).

2. Sounds like you’re (insert feeling word or phrase).

REFLECTIVE LISTENING3. You seem (insert feeling word

or phrase).4. It seems like you are feeling (insert feeling word or phrase).

5. Sounds like you’re feeling sort of (insert feeling word or phrase).

REFLECTIVE LISTENING WORKSHEET

What the child says Reflective Listening Response

Math is so dumb! Why do I need to learn Fractions anyway. I got chosen last for softball in gym class today.You’re so mean, I hate you!I made an A on my paper!I look stupid in this outfit. Mr. Jones is so mean. He yelled at me and made me stay in from recess.

TALKING TO YOUR CHILD

YOU - MESSAGES PUT CHILDREN DOWN

CAN’T YOU SEE THOSE DIRTY DISHES?

HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?!

HOW TO TALKSO YOUR CHILD WILL

LISTEN

RespectfullyCalmlyWithout Blame

I-MESSAGES – 3 PARTSWhen ………

I feel ………….

because ………….

YOU ARE LATE AGAIN!When you are late…..

I feel worried…..

because you may be hurt or need help

YOU LIVE LIKE A PIG!

When our house is a mess….

I feel upset .........

because I took a lot of time cleaning to make it look good.

INSTEAD OF ACCUSING

GIVE INFORMATION

Who drank milk and left the bottle standing out?

Kids, milk turns sour when it isn’t refrigerated.

INSTEAD OF BLAMINGDESCRIBE THE

PROBLEMYou are so irresponsible! You always start the tub and then forget about it. Do you want us to have a flood?

The water in the bath tub is getting close to the top.

TAKE NOTICESUM IT UP IN A WORD

You stood up for your friend even though the other kids made fun of him.

That’s __________.

TAKE NOTICESUM IT UP IN A WORD

You only ate a little sliver of cake, even though you love it. That really takes ___________.

LISTENING AND TALKING

KEEP PRACTICING

RAPID FIRE BALL Communication is important for _________ Children want parents to _____, _______ and

________ their feelings When you use reflective listening you reflect

______ and ______ for the feeling. Start by using the words ______ and __________ You messages ____ ____ and _____ children I messages tell how ___ _____ without ________ To use an I message tell what is _________,

what ___ ____ and why ___ ____ ____ ___ Avoid using ____ I messages. If you are ____,

__ ___ and ____ ____