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Communicating With
Teens Keith Neuber, MS
I KAN Presentations www.ikan2.com keith@ikan2.com
Adolescent Perspective
Attitude Formation
–Role models
–Environmental factors
–Peer influence
–Societal expectations
Adolescent Perspective
Developmental milestones
–Physical changes
– Identity development
Achiever
Moratorium
Foreclosure
Diffusion
–Relationship changes
–Need for acceptance
Adolescent Perspective
Value structure
–Right vs. wrong
–Norm vs. deviation
–Work ethic
–Anticipation of future potential
Communication 101
Effective Communication
Message sent = Message received
Communication 101
Non-verbal communication
–Body language
–Eye contact
Communication 101
Listening skills
–Eye contact
–Attending
–Body language
–Determining the message
–Checking your assumptions
“What I hear you saying is…”
Communication 101
Speaking skills
–Tone of voice
–Body language
–Word selection
–Checking your message
“What do you hear me saying?”
Do’s and Dont’s of Talking with
Teens
Do
–Remember what it was like to be their age.
–How would you really react if you were their in their shoes?
Do’s and Dont’s of Talking with
Teens
Don’t
–Tell teens what they should do.
–Teens want to think and make their own decisions.
–Challenge their thinking.
Do’s and Dont’s of Talking with
Teens
Do
–Ask questions.
– If you want to know, ask.
–Teens are rarely bothered by someone who wants to know what they think and why they think it.
Do’s and Dont’s of Talking with
Teens
Don’t
–Assume that your getting your way means that the teen agrees with your intent.
–Teens will agree quickly to avoid hearing what you have to say with no intention of complying.
Do’s and Dont’s of Talking with
Teens
Do
–Make sense.
–Teens will challenge statements they believe can not be defended.
– “Because I said so” from an authority figure is likely to provoke rebellion (passive or aggressive).
Do’s and Dont’s of Talking with
Teens
Don’t
–Threaten – promise.
–Make sure the teen understands the potential consequences for their choices.
–Often teens act before considering the outcome of their choice.
Do’s and Dont’s of Talking with
Teens
Do
–Be honest.
–Tell them what you expect and why you expect it.
–Help them recognize how compliance is in their best interest.
Do’s and Dont’s of Talking with
Teens
Don’t
–Assume you are right.
–There are many different ways to deal with a circumstance.
–Be flexible enough to modify your position if the teen raises a viable alternative or obstacle.
Do’s and Dont’s of Talking with
Teens
Do
–Speak in a respectful manner.
–Model the attitude you want them to project.
–Treat them the way you want to be treated.
Do’s and Dont’s of Talking with
Teens
Don’t
–Wait for a crisis to intervene.
–Demonstrate an active interest in their behavior and attitude on a regular basis.
Do’s and Dont’s of Talking with
Teens
Do
–Practice what you preach.
–Teens are turned off by adults who say one thing and do the opposite.
Facilitating Change
Ownership of the problem
Ownership of the plan
Facilitating Change
Developing a plan
–Developing objectives
–Creating by-in
–Anticipating obstacles
–Controlling extraneous variables
–Encouraging effort
Facilitating Change
Developing objectives
–What do you want for the teen?
–What do they want for themselves?
–Aim low and overacheive
Facilitating Change
Create buy-in
–Clear expectations
–Clear consequences
–Timelines
–Predictable follow up
Facilitating Change
Anticipate obstacles
–Physical/intellectual deficits
– Intra-psychic issues
–External demands
Facilitating Change
Controlling extraneous variables
–Collaterals
Family
Peers
School
Work
–Access to resources
Facilitating Change
Encouraging Effort
–Reinforcement
–Praising Effort
–Building momentum
–Smoothing the ripples
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