Emphasizing Effort over outcome

EMPHASIZING EFFORT OVER OUTCOME

Facilitated by Alex Lindsey and Michelle Stout

THIS EVENING’S AGENDA

How can we parents help our perfectionistic students embrace, develop, and emphasize:

growth effort failure change flexibility

WHAT DOES PERFECTIONISM LOOK LIKE?

Tendency to become highly anxious, angry or upset about making mistakes

Chronic procrastination and difficulty completing tasks Easily frustrated and gives up easily Chronic fear of embarrassment or humiliation Overly cautious and thorough in tasks (ex: spending 3 hours on homework that

should take 20 minutes)

Tries to improve things by rewriting Frequent catastrophic reactions or meltdowns when things don’t

go as expected Refusal to try new things and risk making mistakes

LET’S TAKE A QUICK QUIZ….

Take 2-3 minutes to complete the quiz on how you believe YOUR CHILD would answer the questions.

NOW YOU!

Take 2-3 minutes to complete the quiz: To what extent do YOU agree or disagree with these statement?

“I wonder what I can do today to undermine my children, turn off their learning and limit their achievement?”

MESSAGES WE SEND TO OUR CHILDRENWhat we say to our children….

What our children hear……

“You learned that so quickly! You’re so smart!” “If I don’t learn

something quickly, I’m not smart.”

“Look at the drawing. Martha, is he the next Picasso or what?”

“You’re so brilliant, you got an A without even studying!”

“I shouldn’t try drawing anything hard or they’ll see I’m no Picasso.”

LET’S START WITH A STORY

Nine-year-old Elizabeth was on her way to her first gymnastics meet. Lanky, flexible and energetic, she was just right for gymnastics, and she loved it. Of course, she was a little nervous about competing, but she was good at gymnastics and felt confident of doing well. She had even thought about the perfect place in her room to hang the ribbon she was sure to win.

In the first event, the floor exercises, Elizabeth went first. Although she did a nice job, the scoring changed after the first few girls and she lost. Elizabeth also did well in the other events, but not well enough to win. By the end of the evening, she had received no ribbons and was devastated.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WERE ELIZABETH'S PARENTS?

Tell Elizabeth you thought she was the best.

Tell her she was robbed of a ribbon that was rightfully hers.

Reassure her that gymnastics is not that important.

Tell her she has the ability and will surely win next time.

Tell her she didn’t deserve to win.

WHERE ARE WE HEADING WITH THIS?

Carol Dweck: Discovering the Importance of Mindset Carol Dweck: The Effect of Praise on Mindset

SCORING OUR QUIZKey

Scoring1. Ability mindset – fixed

2. Ability mindset – growth

3. Ability mindset – growth

4. Personality/character mindset – fixed

5. Personality/character mindset – growth

6. Ability mindset – growth

7. Ability mindset – fixed

8. Ability mindset – fixed

9. Ability mindset – growth

10. Personality/character mindset – growth

11. Ability mindset – fixed

12. Personality/character mindset – fixed

13. Ability mindset – growth

14. Ability mindset – fixed

15. Ability mindset – growth

16. Ability mindset – fixed

17. Personality/character mindset – fixed

18. Personality/character mindset – growth

19. Ability mindset – growth

20. Ability mindset - fixed

Growth Questions1. Strongly Agree – 3 ptsAgree – 2 ptsDisagree – 1 ptStrongly Disagree – 0pt

Fixed QuestionsStrongly Agree – 0 ptAgree – 1 ptDisagree – 2 ptsStrongly Disagree – 3 pts

Are you surprised?

A PERFECTIONIST HAS DEVELOPED A FIXED MINDSET: OUTCOME OVER EFFORT

WHAT IF I’M A PERFECTIONIST, TOO? How can parents shift their emphasis and praise to support growth

and effort over outcome with their children?

Let’s revisit Elizabeth’ story…

Tell Elizabeth you thought she was the best.

Tell her she was robbed of a ribbon that was rightfully hers.

Reassure her that gymnastics is not that important.

Tell her she has the ability and will surely win next time.

Tell her she didn’t deserve to win.

MODEL SELF TALK

Some examples of positive statements: “Nobody’s perfect!” “All I can do is my best” “Believing in myself -- even when I’m making mistakes -- will help me do better!”“I can’t do it…………….yet.”

Now you try….

EMPHASIZE EFFORT AND GROWTH What’s a typical scenario in your home?

Let’s practice creating growth/effort oriented statements and praise?

PERFECTION PERSPECTIVE

THANK YOU

Contact Information:

Michelle Stout 970-613-5057 Michelle.stout@thompsonschools.o

rg

Alex Lindsey 970-613-6249 Alex.lindsey@thompsonschools.

org