Mothering After Domestic Violence: Hands-on Activities for Intervening with Abused Women As Mothers...

Mothering After Mothering After Domestic Violence:Domestic Violence:

Hands-on Activities for Hands-on Activities for Intervening with Abused Intervening with Abused

Women As MothersWomen As Mothers

Alison Cunningham, M.A.(Crim.)Alison Cunningham, M.A.(Crim.)

Linda Baker, Ph.D., C.Psych.Linda Baker, Ph.D., C.Psych.

Centre for Children & Families in the Justice Centre for Children & Families in the Justice SystemSystem

Centre for Children & Families in the Justice System

• Formerly the London Family Court Clinic

• opened 1974• clinical programs• about 30 staff• also research,

training, resource development

World Conference 2008World Conference 2008EdmontonEdmonton

AgendaAgenda

1.1.Context for our workContext for our work

2.2.Desconstructing Economic Desconstructing Economic Abuse to inform parenting Abuse to inform parenting interventionsinterventions

3.3.Customizing the Power & Customizing the Power & Control WheelControl Wheel

Research(This will be quick and painless)

73% of articles from 2000 or later

1991 1992 1993 1994 1995 1996 1997 1998 1999 2000 2001 2002 2003

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Little material addresses intervention

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Impact Intervention

Overview of Research

adversity package cumulative effect complexity continuum of aggression and abuse

80% with “battered mother” had 1 or more other Adverse Childhood Experience

0 ACEs 1 or more 2 or more 3 or more 4 or more 5 or more 6 or more

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A Research Interlude

Parenting Support for Survivors

Engage by providing hope and a framework & narrative for her and her children’s experience

Describe impacts of abuse on mother-child relationships and mothering

Enhance understanding of her children -- developmental stages, potential impacts, roles, coping

Parenting Support for Survivors

Present guidelines for talking with children about abuse

Offer parenting strategies to help children thrive

Give permission for personal care

Deconstructing Deconstructing Economic Abuse (EA)Economic Abuse (EA)

to Inform Parenting to Inform Parenting SupportSupport

After this session, you will After this session, you will be better able to:be better able to:

Identify new ways of using Identify new ways of using the P&C wheel to engage the P&C wheel to engage and support womenand support women

Describe ways to use this Describe ways to use this approach to inform approach to inform interventions on parentinginterventions on parenting

Power & Control WheelPower & Control Wheel

ProsPros Widely used & Widely used &

recognizedrecognized Useful to womenUseful to women Adaptable, flexibleAdaptable, flexible Conveys Conveys

nonphysical abusenonphysical abuse

ConsCons Oversimplifies Oversimplifies Not inclusive of all Not inclusive of all

forms of control forms of control tacticstactics

risks a one-size fits risks a one-size fits all interpretationall interpretation

Our ApproachOur ApproachDeconstruct the slicesDeconstruct the slices

Why?Why? It helps a woman to… It helps a woman to…– make links to her lifemake links to her life– better understand complex better understand complex

conceptsconcepts– make links to how children were make links to how children were

affected affected – communicate her experience to communicate her experience to

othersothers

DeconstructingDeconstructing Economic Economic Abuse: Abuse:

how it affected me how it affected me thenthen & & nownowhow it affected my how it affected my children children thenthen & & nownowparenting strategies parenting strategies to to counter the effectscounter the effects

Case Study & Video Clip Case Study & Video Clip

What is the nature of What is the nature of the abuse? the abuse?

What messages is the What messages is the son learning?son learning?

Based on the case study & Based on the case study & what you observed in the what you observed in the

video, complete :video, complete :

Exercise 1: Checklist for Exercise 1: Checklist for Economic Abuse During Economic Abuse During Relationship. Relationship.

Exercise 78: Messages Exercise 78: Messages Children Learn from EA.Children Learn from EA.

Given the abuse & messages Given the abuse & messages you checked off, discuss: you checked off, discuss:

What might be the What might be the effect on the mother-effect on the mother-child relationships?child relationships?

What might be the What might be the effect on mothering”?effect on mothering”?

To more fully answer To more fully answer the preceding the preceding questions, you need questions, you need to unravel the impact to unravel the impact of rationalizations on of rationalizations on women and on women and on children.children.

Go to Exercise 4:Go to Exercise 4:Rationalizations for EARationalizations for EA

Review materialReview material

Link to case study Link to case study and video:and video:

FinancialFinancial realities of “now” realities of “now” create ‘faux legitimization’ of create ‘faux legitimization’ of rationalizations from “then”rationalizations from “then”

‘‘Faux legitimization’ of Faux legitimization’ of rationalizations fuels their rationalizations fuels their internalizationinternalization

BenefitsBenefits of Unraveling of Unraveling Impacts of rationalizations:Impacts of rationalizations:

BenefitsBenefits of Unraveling of Unraveling Impacts of rationalizations:Impacts of rationalizations:

Prevent their Prevent their perpetuation with self perpetuation with self and childrenand children

Recognize in future Recognize in future partnerspartners

..

Describe some parenting Describe some parenting strategies/approaches this strategies/approaches this mother might use to help mother might use to help counter the effects of counter the effects of economic abuse.economic abuse.

Parenting Approaches Parenting Approaches Informed by Informed by

Understanding the Effects Understanding the Effects of Economic Abuse and Its of Economic Abuse and Its

RationalizationsRationalizations

Neutralize “emotions” Neutralize “emotions” related to money, e.g.s,related to money, e.g.s,

Divide allowance: contingent Divide allowance: contingent & unconditional portion& unconditional portion

Set and communicate Set and communicate appropriate expectationsappropriate expectations

Supportively problem solve if Supportively problem solve if child is unsuccessfulchild is unsuccessful

Neutralize “emotions” related Neutralize “emotions” related to money, e.g.s,to money, e.g.s,

Set and hold givens, while Set and hold givens, while providing some choiceproviding some choice

Keep the adult part of Keep the adult part of finances among adultsfinances among adults

Teach building blocks for Teach building blocks for economic partnerships, e.g.,economic partnerships, e.g.,

Engage children in family Engage children in family planning and decision planning and decision making around spending making around spending set amount of money for set amount of money for “family fun” (e.g., pizza, “family fun” (e.g., pizza, video, swimming, ice video, swimming, ice cream in park)cream in park)

Teach gender equality, e.g., Teach gender equality, e.g.,

Use the same guidelines Use the same guidelines and rules for sons and and rules for sons and daughtersdaughters

Draw attention to female Draw attention to female role models for financial role models for financial competence competence

Teach financial skills, e.g., Teach financial skills, e.g., Use talk aloud strategies Use talk aloud strategies to model financial skills to model financial skills and decision makingand decision makingComparison shop with Comparison shop with children (e.g. grocery)children (e.g. grocery)Encourage children to Encourage children to save a small amount of save a small amount of any money they receiveany money they receive

Model the use of money in Model the use of money in a healthy way, e.g.,a healthy way, e.g.,

Plan and make a donation Plan and make a donation as a familyas a family

Involve children in gift Involve children in gift buyingbuying

Take Home Message:Take Home Message:Acknowledging women’s Acknowledging women’s experience is a safe way to experience is a safe way to engage her around parentingengage her around parenting

Deconstructing abuse can Deconstructing abuse can help women make the link to help women make the link to how children were effectedhow children were effected

Take Home Message:Take Home Message:Understanding this link Understanding this link creates ‘buy in’ and informs creates ‘buy in’ and informs the development and the development and application of compensatory application of compensatory parenting strategiesparenting strategies

The combination of ‘buy in’, The combination of ‘buy in’, individualization, and individualization, and realistic strategies, increase realistic strategies, increase the chance for actionthe chance for action

Break

Customizing theCustomizing the Power & Control Wheel Power & Control Wheel

to Inform Parentingto Inform Parenting

As a result of this As a result of this session, you will be session, you will be better able to:better able to: Identify ways to customize the Identify ways to customize the

Power & Control Wheel with Power & Control Wheel with individual womenindividual women

Describe activities using a Describe activities using a customized wheel to counter customized wheel to counter the effects of abuse on the the effects of abuse on the mother-child relationship and mother-child relationship and parentingparenting

Our Approach•Customize the wheel

• Select relevant pieces• Scale slice proportions

• Add missing slices

•Use to prioritize intervention with women

•Link to children’s experiences• Inform parenting strategies to

counter effects on children

Mary’s WheelsMary’s WheelsFirst Mary drew the frequency First Mary drew the frequency of each type of abuse she of each type of abuse she experiencedexperienced

Then Mary drew the degree of Then Mary drew the degree of impact on her today of each impact on her today of each type of abuse she experienced. type of abuse she experienced. She wrote down how she was She wrote down how she was impacted in each slice.impacted in each slice.

In In pairspairs, draw a customized , draw a customized wheel for Odelia:wheel for Odelia:

use the P & C Wheel as a reference use the P & C Wheel as a reference (p. 12 in package)(p. 12 in package)

list types of abuse Odelia list types of abuse Odelia

experiencedexperienced

size slices based on the degree of size slices based on the degree of impact of each type of abuse on impact of each type of abuse on OdeliaOdelia

write how she was impacted in write how she was impacted in each sliceeach slice

Share & compare wheels at Share & compare wheels at your table:your table:

Do your wheels differ from Do your wheels differ from those of others at your those of others at your

table?table?

Abuse is “personal”Abuse is “personal”

Approaches that are Approaches that are individualizedindividualized– Join where the woman isJoin where the woman is– Facilitate engagementFacilitate engagement– Are more likely to be helpfulAre more likely to be helpful

In pairs, draw a customized In pairs, draw a customized wheel for Odelia’s wheel for Odelia’s sonson::

List types of abuse her son was List types of abuse her son was exposed to or experiencedexposed to or experienced

Size slices based on the degree Size slices based on the degree of impact each type of abuse of impact each type of abuse might have on how he views might have on how he views Odelia & their relationshipOdelia & their relationship

Write down impacts in each Write down impacts in each sliceslice

Compare and contrast the Compare and contrast the wheel you made for Odelia wheel you made for Odelia with the wheel you made for with the wheel you made for her son. her son.

What’s most salient to What’s most salient to child may differ from what child may differ from what is salient to motheris salient to motherEven within the same Even within the same family each child’s family each child’s perceptions may differperceptions may differImportant to support Important to support women to support women to support children to express their children to express their experienceexperience

Lipschitz et al. (1999)Lipschitz et al. (1999)74 adolescents in in-patient 74 adolescents in in-patient psychiatric settingpsychiatric setting

93% reported at least 1 category 93% reported at least 1 category of trauma including child abuse of trauma including child abuse and exposure to family violence and exposure to family violence or community violenceor community violence

76% reported at least 2 76% reported at least 2 categories of traumacategories of trauma

average 2.5 traumas per youthaverage 2.5 traumas per youth

““Which was most Which was most stressfulstressful for you?”for you?”

Sexual abusePhysical abuse

Victim Com'ty ViolenceWitness Com'ty Violence

Witness to FV

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Potential Impacts on Son’s Potential Impacts on Son’s Relationship with Odelia:Relationship with Odelia:Diminished respect for motherDiminished respect for mother

Diminished belief she can care for Diminished belief she can care for him or protect himhim or protect him

Angry at her for….Angry at her for….

Guilty for not protecting herGuilty for not protecting her

Afraid she thinks he’s like DadAfraid she thinks he’s like Dad

Believes he should be “new Believes he should be “new power figure” in familypower figure” in family

Proud of her courage Proud of her courage

Parenting Strategies:Parenting Strategies:

Identify 2 parenting Identify 2 parenting strategies (be specific) to strategies (be specific) to counter the effects on their counter the effects on their relationship and/or relationship and/or ‘mothering’.‘mothering’.

Believes he should be “new Believes he should be “new power figure” in family:power figure” in family:

Other Uses of the WheelOther Uses of the WheelSize slices by:Size slices by:

Fequency of each type of abuse used Fequency of each type of abuse used against me; against my childagainst me; against my childAbuse I worry most about my child Abuse I worry most about my child using against me; with his peers using against me; with his peers Abuse I worry beginning in my new Abuse I worry beginning in my new relationshiprelationshipDegree of impact of each type of Degree of impact of each type of abuse on me (then, now); as a abuse on me (then, now); as a mother (then,now) mother (then,now)

Other Uses of the WheelOther Uses of the WheelSize slices by:Size slices by:

Degree of impact of each type of Degree of impact of each type of abuse on children (one wheel/child) abuse on children (one wheel/child)

Guided self-discovery, with Guided self-discovery, with support, can lead to action:support, can lead to action:1.1. join with women around their join with women around their

experience of “abuse”,experience of “abuse”,2.2. move to their experience of move to their experience of

abuse as mothers,abuse as mothers,3.3. make natural extension to make natural extension to

children, children, 4.4. drawing on of the above, drawing on of the above,

shift focus to parenting. shift focus to parenting.

Applications:Applications:Self-studySelf-study

One-to-one work (mother, child)One-to-one work (mother, child)

Group work (mothers, children)Group work (mothers, children)

Concurrent mother and child Concurrent mother and child groupsgroups

Joint work with mother & childJoint work with mother & child

Take Home MessageTake Home MessageThe more successful we are at The more successful we are at

individualizing intervention, then the individualizing intervention, then the more likely women will:more likely women will:

be engagedbe engaged experience genuine understandingexperience genuine understanding Acknowledge parenting Acknowledge parenting

needs/limitationsneeds/limitations

Take Home MessageTake Home MessageAbused women will benefit from Abused women will benefit from

parenting support that:parenting support that: Offers hopeOffers hope starts where a woman is, starts where a woman is, supports expression of her narrativesupports expression of her narrative supports both the woman and her supports both the woman and her

childrenchildren

Take Home MessageTake Home Message provides an explanatory framework for provides an explanatory framework for

her experience that can be her experience that can be personalizedpersonalized

enables bridging to her children’s enables bridging to her children’s experiencesexperiences

Includes peer supportIncludes peer support leads to actionleads to action

WHAT ABOUT ME!• Seeking to

Understand the Child’s View of Violence in the Family (2004)

• Cunningham & Baker

• Summary of “best evidence” from the literature

HELPING CHILDREN THRIVE • Supporting Woman

Abuse Survivors as Mothers: A resource to support parenting (2004)

• handouts for women & background information for service providers

Little Eyes, Little Ears

Little Eyes, Little Ears: How Violence Against a Mothers Shapes Children as they Grow

Order from the National Clearinghouse on Family Violence

Également en français

Our Contact InfoOur Contact Info

www.lfcc.on.cawww.lfcc.on.ca linda.baker@lfcc.on.calinda.baker@lfcc.on.ca alison.cunningham@lfcc.on.caalison.cunningham@lfcc.on.ca