Small Adaptation: Big Impact! Becoming an Adult Role ... · Impact! Becoming an Adult Role-Model...

Small Adaptation: Big Impact! Becoming an Adult Role-Model for Social and Emotional Learning

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Performing Under Pressure: The Science of Emotional Intelligence© 1999-2017 The Institute for Health and Human Potential

THE FOUNDATION IS SELF-AWARENESS

1. Self-Assessment (strengths and limitations)

2. Emotional Self-Awareness (identifying own emotions, values)

3. Self-Regard (confidence)

4. Optimism (growth mindset)

IHHP EI Model & SEL

Performing Under Pressure: The Science of Emotional Intelligence© 1999-2017 The Institute for Health and Human Potential

THEN EMOTIONAL MANAGEMENT (SELF-MANAGEMENT)

1. Impulse Control

2. Stress management

3. Self-discipline

4. Self-motivation

5. Goal Setting

IHHP EI Model & SEL

https://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/burnout-and-the-brainSmall Adaptation 2020 Roseann Bayne 5

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Can Lead To Loss of Energy

Stress Exists without Burnout, But Burnout

Doesn’t Exist Without Stress

Can Lead to Loss of Motivation

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The emotional residue or strain of

exposure to working with those suffering

from the consequences of traumatic

events. Compassion fatigue can co-exist

with burnout.

Compassion Fatigue is Separate from Burnout

Cumulative process marked by emotional

exhaustion and withdrawal associated with

increased workload and institutional stress,

NOT trauma-related.

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http://developingchild.harvard.edu/topics/science_of_early_childhood/toxic_stress_response/ 7

Positive: Brief increase in heart rate,

mild elevation in stress hormone levels

Tolerable: Serious, temporary stress

responses, buffered by supportive relationships

Toxic: Prolonged activation of stress response

systems in the absence of protective relationships

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This inability to get away from continuous

periods of stress is what causes the

greatest damage to health.

“Research shows that almost every

system in the body can be influenced by

chronic stress.

When chronic stress goes unreleased, it

suppresses the body’s immune system

and ultimately manifests as illness.”

Kerry Robinson, Ph.D. & Charol Shakeshaft, Ph.D. Superintendent Stress and Superintendent Health: A National Study, 2016.

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Stress-Promoting Traps: Do You See Yourself in any of These?

• Indispensability/ Super Hero Syndrome: The belief that your presence is needed for things to run “right” and taking on excessive responsibility (saying yes all the time)

• Success Addiction: The strong desire to work harder, faster, longer than others. Long hours and completing difficult assignments defines your “success”

• Perfectionism/Type A Personality: Excessive drive for perfection, tend to be impatient, feel a constant sense of urgency

• Reinventing the Wheel Addiction- Constant updates and creation of materials, excessive pride in “making all of your own” materials even when it isn’t necessary

• Hyper-Empathy Syndrome: Worrying excessively about the emotional pain of others, taking on other’s problems as your own

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Today is about identifying your own priorities and committing to even

one small change

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On average, educators have 250 verbal exchanges with

students per hour

Borko, Livingston and Shavelson, 1990

In addition, educators

make approximately

3,ooo non-trivial decision in a school day

Danielson, 1996

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#1

Super’s Life Rainbow

Life Role Time and Energy Related To:

Child Your parents

Student Learning, career training, personal growth

Leisurite Leisure activities: hobbies, relaxation, recreation, rituals, exercise, spiritual, personal growth, time with family and friends

Citizen Unpaid volunteerism, community/faith activities, contribution beyond one’s self

Worker Paid employment

Parent Raising and caring for your children

Spouse Nurturing a committed relationship, romance

Homemaker Maintaining home life: cooking, cleaning, repairing, shopping, etc.

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David E. Super’s: Life Career Rainbow

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The Life Career Rainbow was devised by psychologist Donald E. Super.

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Parent, 2 Spouse, 5

Homemaker, 26

Child, 25Student, 5

Leisurite, 5

Citizen, 3

Worker, 35

Parent, 2

Spouse, 25

Homemaker, 10

Child, 15Student, 10

Leisurite, 13

Citizen, 5

Worker, 20

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My RealityMy Goal

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My Reality My Goal

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What Triggers You Negatively?(Makes you mad, sad, anxious or feel unsafe)

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Trigger Type Person, Place, Thing Associated emotion and or sensation

Opposing Beliefs Work Ethic- when people don’t put enough effort into their job or “waste my time”

Disgust, disapproval- face gets warm, I become judgmental

Trauma

Ego Protection When I get the sense that I am not good enough

Sadness, self-deprecation-I feel numb, I either give up or go overboard to prove myself

Phobia Sea gulls aka Rats w/wings Fear, dread- heart beat increases, legs tingle- I want them eliminated from the earth

Emotional/Social

Other Hunger/dehydration Short-tempered or scatterbrained- Hard to focus, weak, hyper-focused on my body instead of environment: give in more easily, make poor choices28

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All problems melt away when women get spa

days and massages

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The media,

especially

advertisers,

promotes a gender-

biased stigma:

“Women are fragile

and need to care for

themselves.”

“Men however don’t

need any of that

self-compassion

B.S.”

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Additional societal norms

promote the ideal that men

are the reason women

don’t have work/life

balance and are the

reason women need spa

days.

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Self-regulation & Self-care require the discipline to do the hard and boring things that are good for us

Self-care requires tough-mindedness, a deep and personal understanding of your priorities, and a respect for both yourself and the people you choose to spend your life with

Neither of these definitions are going to increase the sales of wine, bubble bath, or massage gift certificates

Strategies for Mitigating Triggers & Emotional Hijack

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Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth in uglier ways.” –Sigmund Freud

*Triggers exist for a reason, sometimes the heightened response is warranted. If your triggers are intimately tied to trauma and abuse or if you may have PTSD, these strategies may be seem temporarily helpful, but they should not replace professional diagnosis and assistance.

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Performing Under Pressure: The Science of Emotional Intelligence© 1999-2017 The Institute for Health and Human Potential

One Trigger Management Strategy

S

O

S

S

top

xygenate

trengthen Appreciation

eek Information

Performing Under Pressure: The Science of Emotional Intelligence© 1999-2017 The Institute for Health and Human Potential

S.O.S.S. – Stop

Bring awareness to automatic response by engaging the

neocortex. (Don’t let your thinking brain get taken over

by the emotional brain)

Disengage from the trigger by pattern-interrupting the

hijack response indicators. (As soon as you feel a hijack

symptom (like increased heartbeat, physically or

emotionally remove yourself or prepare a response to

stop the trigger)

Not always easy to just “leave” a situation or remove

someone from your life

Performing Under Pressure: The Science of Emotional Intelligence© 1999-2017 The Institute for Health and Human Potential

STOP Strategy Examples

Face-to-Face Meetings/Situations:

■Have a drink of water or eat something

■Relax your shoulders.

■Uncross your legs and place

your feet flat on the ground.

■Open the palms of your hands and rest them on

your legs.

■Lean back (disengage from fight) or lean forward

(re-engage from flight).

■Write something down (perhaps what you would

like to say to the person)

■Say your own name (in your head) and tell

yourself to “Stop.”

■Practice Pausing (Don’t make rash decisions).

When Alone:

■ Stand up.

■ Save versus Send.

■ Count backwards from 100 by 3’s (by 7’s if

you are really triggered).

■ Walk away, clear your mind, then come

back to it.

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Say no

Set Limits

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Say Yes

Expand Limits

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Power of Pausing:

Strategies (Suspend Your

Immediate Judgment)

• Take a deep, audible breath (especially on the outbreath)

• Use a short verbal cue to indicate you are thinking, such as “hmm…”

• Use a visual cure, such as looking up and to the side or furrowing your brow

• “I’m not sure. I’d like to think about that.”

• “Let me think for a moment.”

• “Can we pause for a moment? I’d like to gather my thoughts.”

• “This sounds important. I’d like to give it some time and thought. Can I get back to you?”

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S.O.S.S. -Oxygenate

Physical, Emotional, and

SpiritualSelf-care

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Performing Under Pressure: The Science of Emotional Intelligence© 1999-2017 The Institute for Health and Human Potential

Consciously slow and deepen your breath.

Get oxygen back to the brain.

3-2-4 breathing strategy.

Use a breathing app.

https://www.verywellmind.com/best-mental-health-apps-4588479

Create Play Lists.

S.O.S.S. - Oxygenate

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https://www.heartmath.com/

Exercise & Movement

1. Controls Weight2. Combats Health

Conditions and Disease3. Improves Mood4. Boosts Energy5. Sexual Performance and

anxiety benefits6. Promotes Better Sleep

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• "The psoas is intimately involved in basic physical and emotional reactions, and a chronically tightened psoas signals your body that you’re in danger, eventually exhausting the adrenal glands and depleting the immune system.”

• https://www.drnorthrup.com/psoas-muscle-vital-muscle-body/

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Performing Under Pressure: The Science of Emotional Intelligence© 1999-2017 The Institute for Health and Human Potential

S.O.S.S. – Strengthen Appreciation

• The Brain struggles to experience anger/fear and

appreciation at the same time.

• Gratitude unshackles us from toxic emotions

• It is impactful even when it is private or only part of our

inner voice and it…

• causes molecular structure changes in the brain to help

fend off our negativity bias—it activates our rewards

center.

Performing Under Pressure: The Science of Emotional Intelligence© 1999-2017 The Institute for Health and Human Potential

You must consciously rest your mind on positive experiences for those experiences to shape your brain

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• Gratitude unshackles us from toxic emotions

• Gratitude is impactful even when it is private or only part of our inner voice

• Gratitude causes molecular structure changes in the brain to help fend off our negativity bias—it activates our rewards center.

Appreciate Things

that didn’t happen today

• No one in my family is sick today

• I’m using a lot less gas these days

• I didn’t get into any confrontations today

• My child didn’t have a meltdown today

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https://www.wirlsummit.com/forget-conceal-dont-feel-instead-youve-got-name-tame/

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• Thank You Letters• Journals• Gratitude Jars/Boxes• Appreciation Anchors

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Create Appreciation

Anchors

Associate Positive Memories to a physical

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Performing Under Pressure: The Science of Emotional Intelligence© 1999-2017 The Institute for Health and Human Potential

Performing Under Pressure: The Science of Emotional Intelligence© 1999-2017 The Institute for Health and Human Potential

1. What is your moment in life that brings you great

appreciation?

■ Tying it to a physical movement or object helps recall

it more easily.

2. What could you use to physically recall it?

■ To install an appreciation anchor you must practice it

in non-stressful moments.

3. How will you practice your appreciation anchor?

Appreciation Anchor Application

Journals

Thank You Notes • Provides the brain with closure

• Stops rumination

• Interrupts hijacks

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“50% of what we stress about isn’t even real, it’s imagined”

Performing Under Pressure: The Science of Emotional Intelligence© 1999-2017 The Institute for Health and Human Potential

Stop yourself from jumping to judgment by ask yourself...

■ Is this a real or perceived threat?

■Will it matter in 6 years, 6 months, 6 weeks, 6 hours, 6 minutes, 6 seconds?

■What would a person I admire do right now?

■ Is this reaction helping the bigger goals?

■What is my impact right now?

■What might their good intentions be?

■Do they feel heard/understood by me?

And then you are ready to re-engage with the person

with additional perspective and curiosity.

S.O.S.S. – Seek Information

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“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”-

Stephen Covey

Performing Under Pressure: The Science of Emotional Intelligence© 1999-2017 The Institute for Health and Human Potential

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Read situationally relevant stories that

provide hope or solutions

The hippocampus creates memories from

what we read

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SleepPhysical Self-Care

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https://www.wirlsummit.com/forget-conceal-dont-feel-instead-youve-got-name-tame/

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“Your body is a very powerful pharmacy and the chemicals from stress and fear are very addicting”-Brene Brown

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WATER

• The brain unlike other organs, cannot store water, thus requiring regular consumption

• Chronic dehydration shrinks the brain

• Each % of water loss decreases cognition by 5%

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