Tourist Season

I live and work on Martha’s Vineyard I work at this place, Fiddlehead Farm

We run out of a tiny building, most of our produce is in buckets outside

We sell all-natural and organic food products. The prices are crazy but don’t scare off the tourists

All the tourists seem the same to the locals

Greasy and/or salty hair

Annoyed with someone who

works here

Shitty t-shirt he bought yesterday

I guess you could say locals are all the same too

Tired eyes

Peace sign shirt

Annoyed by tourists

But we can’t survive without each other so life goes on

Crazy Tourists: Tattoo Hater Guy

Crazy Tourists: Coffee Guy

Sometimes ‘crazy’ doesn’t cut it for the tourists But ‘bat shit insane’ usually works

We’re about to close.

Sorry I can’t

You’re out of coffee, make some more.

What the hell do you mean?!

I’m the CUSTOMER!!

What about YOU? Can YOU make me some damn coffee?

I’m sorry but like Rebecca said we’re closing soon and we

can’t make any more

Cue the meltdown…

Make an exception!I’m a fucking customer!

This is so wrongI can’t believe this. I am leavingDon’t count on me coming back

Things I’d Like to Say to Rude Tourists

Oh no, that’s fine just unfold every fucking shirt I just

spent 40 minutes putting away

I’m so sorry that I planted those peach trees in California as an infant

and sold them to a storeI work at and then sold them

to you for $12 a pound

Don’t be a bitch, or I’ll put my finger on the scale when

I weigh your produce.

I’m sorry, you don’t seem to understand, I don’t give a shit about your

vacation.

Crazy Local: Asks Me Out Guy

Here comes regular Frank, with kids this time

Hi there! This is John,

and here is Sarah

Yeah they’re trying to find someone cute,

like you, for me to date

After that every time he came in I hid in the stock room

Just tell me when he’s gone

Spending 60+ hours a week with the same people turns them into your second family

Your generation…Bob…

But they can be a cool family

Crazy Coworkers: Bob

Bob spends most of his day making fun of customers

Fucking idiots

But he loves to make fun of “our generation” even more

See here’s the problem with your generation You are addicted

to technologyI wouldn’t be surprised if you

went through withdrawal

But we cope

Ugh listen 2 him

Rebecca R

I know!

Blah blah blah

Good luck w/ no cell Bob!

Bob says the only time he ever used a cell phone he got hit by lightning

We don’t believe him

Ok Bob, the next time you need an ambulance I’ll be sure to

find a land line for you

Signs I Wish I Could Hang in the Store

I know our shit is expensive:Please no whining

I don’t care if you’re a billionaire:Everyone must wait in line

I know you came from the beach but please, for the health and safety of others:

Put your shirt back on

Contrary to popular belief:The Cashiers Have Feelings Too

If you’re on the phonewhile checking out:

We will assume all of

your produce is of the

expensive variety

We work here:We know the prices