UNIT 2 EXTENDING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS Family Living 621

UNIT 2EXTENDING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

Family Living 621

Or…

Great Love Songs

Elvis – Can’t Help Falling in Lovehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTZ9kkhO

YN4

Great Love Stories

What are you favourites?Why do we love them so much?

Consider the following statements

I believe in love at first sight

The love of your life comes along only once

Love is all we need, we can live on love

It is impossible to love two people at once

Love is blind

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all

Activity – Your Love Scale – where do you fall?

What is Love?

15 sec. reflection: What does the word “love” mean to you?

Share.

How is love defined?

• What does the word love mean to you? What are the first words that pop into your head? What do you think of when you think of love? How would you explain love?

What Kids have to say about love

Love is when your mommy says she'd rather be in hell with you than in heaven with Jesus―Mikey, age 6

Love has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular.—Mae, age 9

It isn't always how you look. I'm handsome as anything, and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet.—Brian, age 7

My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.—Clare, age 6

I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when "Dinosaurs" is on TV.—Jill, age 6

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know your name is safe in their mouths.—Billy, age 4

What Kids have to say about love

Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on cologne and they go out and smell each other.—Kari, age 5

Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he's handsomer than Robert Redford.—Chris, age 7

One of you should know how to write a check. Because even if you have tons of love, there will still be lots of bills.—Ava, age 8

Love is when you give somebody most of your French fries without eating any of theirs.—Chrissie, age 6

Love is when mommy makes coffee for daddy and she takes a sip to make sure the taste is OK.—Danny, age 7

You really shouldn't say I LOVE YOU unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.—Jessica,

What Kids have to say about love

If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend you hate.—Nikka, age 6

The rules goes like this: if you kiss someone, you should marry her. It's the right thing to do.—Howard, age 8

Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and doesn't think it's gross.—Mark, age 6

I Am a Rock

Listen to this song while reading the learning expectations for this unit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vzo-EL_62fQ

Unit Learning Expectations

Examine theories about love and datingDevelop an understanding of intimacy, how it

is developed and why it is importantReview good communicationDevelop decision-making skills in matters

related to love and datingDiscuss the challenges and rewards of being

single and why people marry (challenges and rewards )

3. The Greeks View of Love

a. Agápe means brotherly love . It can be described as the feeling of being content or holding one in high regard.

b. Éros is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. It can also apply to dating relationships as well as marriage.

c. Philia means friendship in modern Greek. It includes loyalty to friends, family, and community

Who do you love?

Get your heart out

Have you ever considered what qualities you want in a partner?

Why might it be important to have clear guidelines on what you want in a partner?

Make a list of the “must-have” qualities you have for a potential partner, and a list of “nice-to-haves” Approx 10 qualities

Your Heart

What characteristicsAre non-negotiable? – circle theseWhich ones could you livewithout? Put an X beside theseWhich ones could change over time? Put a question mark beside these

Debriefing

Look at your heartIt is important to think about what

relationship qualities are important to youNo one has ALL the relationship qualities you

valueIt is important to prioritize the relationship

qualities you value most and to ensure your relationships have these to be as healthy as possible

It is important to GET OUT if it has qualities you do not value or if the relationship is abusive

4. The Love Ladder

A. LOVE FOR PRIMARY CAREGIVERS: Love grew beyond yourself to include your primary caregiver as you began to associate your feeling of satisfaction with him/her as your needs were met (clothing, diapering, feeding and loving)

B. LOVE FOR OTHER RELATIVES: The love of grandparents, aunts and uncles and other relatives bought a special sense of security, understanding, and perspective.

C. FIRST LOVE OUTSIDE THE FAMILY: this first love outside of the family was probably your first best friend.

D. LOVE FOR SOMEONE OLDER: This type of love is sometimes called “hero worship”. This person was your role model and exemplified what you wanted to be someday.

The Love Ladder Continued

e. LOVE FOR COMPANIONSHIP AND PERSONAL GROWTH: This love begins with general interest in sexuality and continues through dating and life time companionship.

f. LOVE FOR CHILDREN: With the feeling of being in a permanent love relationship, comes a nurturing, protecting kind of love for children. This is an unselfish love that provides the ability to give love without expecting anything in return.

G. MATURE LOVE FOR OTHERS: This love affects those you love dearly, but also includes many people you meet and encounter. This is a love for humankind in general.

Part IV: Perspectives on Love

6. Biological perspectives argue that love is grounded in evolution, biology, and chemistry. The focus is on physiological responses caused by natural amphetamines in the body.

7. Sociological perspectives claim that culture is key to love.

Theories about Love – There are 4 we’ll discuss

a. Attachment theoryb. Social Exchange theoryc. Reiss’s Wheel Theory of Loved. Sternberg’s Triangular Theory

of Love

A. Attachment theory

suggests our primary motivation is to be connected with other people.

B. Social Exchange Theory

you “don’t get something for nothing” Love is given and returned is useful for explaining how love relationships change

over time. adolescence: Love is usually intense and self-centered,

romantic love is short-lived adulthood: perception of costs and rewards change, for

example, nurturing and patience may outweigh looks later life: moral values, personality, and good humor

may take precedence

Critics argue this is too mechanical Can love be given, but not returned? Is love always a two-way street?

D. Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

has three elements. Intimacy Passion Decision/commitment

Different degrees of the three elements form different types of love relationships.

C. Reiss’s Wheel Theory of Love

includes four stages: Rapport Self-revelation Mutual dependency Need fulfillment

The stages can be repeated many times

Part V: Functions of Love and Loving

1. Love ensures human survival.

2. Love prolongs life.3. Love enhances physical health.

4. Love improves the quality of our lives.

What is love?

Can love be learned? Do you define love as simply a feeling? Or is it also an expectation? Can you be convinced to love someone?

Love and Infatuation

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jijt-hP1jxA

Notes on Love verses Infatuation

Story – Appointment With Love - what is she looking for?

Activity - Love verses Infatuation

March 3rd and 4th

Love essay?Myers Briggshttp://videos.komando.com/watch/4830/viral-

videos-this-comedian-perfectly-sums-up-parenthood

Notes of Reiss’s Wheel Theory Complete worksheet on triangle theory (go

over)Complete Defense Mechanisms

Be The Teacher

Schedule This WeekMonday – Christine Tuesday – Illeana/BrandonWednesday – BraelynThursday – RachaelFriday – Sexting Article is due - Test Review?

With all the heartbreak…

Why bother???!Am I Pretty?http://www.youtube.com

/watch?v=8D9mqqkgH-0

Heartbreak is often what teaches us what we want or need in love

How do you deal with it best??

What’s In A Relationship?

Activity – Task Cards

Healthy Relationship Qualities

Unhealthy Relationship Qualities

Do Don’t

In Groups: How to end a relationship?

How to end a relationship?

How should you do it?Do it in person, in private, tell the truth

How should you never end a relationship?Text, email, message machine, get a friend to

do it, use a line, under “the influence”

Individually

The dos and don’ts of heartbreakMake a chart – write down what a person

should NEVER do when someone breaks their heart

Next – write down what a person SHOULD do when someone breaks their heart

Class Discussion

Media’s Influence on Dating and Heartbreak

http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/04/07/sexting.busts/#cnnSTCVideo

http://www.cnn.com/2013/03/17/justice/ohio-steubenville-case/

Rhetaeh Parsons? http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/anonymous-name-rapists-suicide-rehtaeh-parsons-nova-455998

Sexting – discuss – response is due at end of classRead articlehttp://www.cbc.ca/doczone/episode/sext-up-kids.ht

ml# Sexed Up Kids

I have found the paradox that if you love until it hurts there can be no more hurt, only love.

Mother Teresa

What is Love?

Unit 2 Assignment – DueFinish discussion on unhealthy relationships

WATCH DOC ZONE – DATING CONFIDENTIAL - ANSWER QUESTIONS AS

WE FOLLOW ALONG!

Dating and Sexuality

Dating Realities

How do you find, and keep love in your life??

Question Box submissions – what do you want to learn about dating and romantic relationships?

Dating is a gamble, so

successful dating means

knowing…

“when to hold ‘em, and when to fold’ em”

Dating: Important Questions

What are common barriers in asking someone out?

How can you deal with early-on rejection?

What are great first date ideas?

What are suggested “do’s/don’ts” of first dates?

What are the advantages and disadvantages to group dating? (double-dates, groups of couples or couples and friends)

Notes on dating

Activities: Dating

On your chart positive characteristics of girls/guys on a date negative characteristics of guys/girls on a date

Dating: A Film Study

Dating Confidentialhttp://www.cbc.ca/documentaries/doczone/video.html

http://www.cbc.ca/player/Shows/Shows/Doc+Zone/The+Confidential+Series/ID/1783959910/

Follow along and answer the questions as we go!

1. Dating: Early Stages

Often labeled as lust or infatuation, this could also be a transition from friendship to more intimate relationship

What is important to establish during this phase of the relationship?

Boundaries, limits, values, needs, desires, goals, communication

2. Dating: Challenges

Feelings of low confidence, low self-esteem

Casual encounters and emotional rejection

CheatingConflicts with family

and friendsFrequent fightsEmotional

manipulation/mind games

Physical health issuesMental health issuesCulture clashAbuseBreak-ups, “on-again,

off-again”Moving on

3. Singlehood – Doc Zone – Flying Solo

Why choose to be single?

What are the disadvantages of being single?

What do single people need to do to avoid feeling lonely?

“How to be Alone” by Tanya Davis http://www.youtube.com/wat

ch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs

To say “I love you”, one must first be able to say the “I”

-Ayn Rand

4. Experiencing Love

A. Are women or men more romantic? Research suggests men are more romantic. Women are more likely to expect “the trappings” of

romantic love.B. Are women or men more intimate?

Many women want to feel close emotionally before being sexual.

Many men regard sex as emotional closeness. For women, intimacy may mean talking things over. Men may feel that doing things for their partner

shows their love.

5. A Global View

Evidence of romantic love has been found in 89% of 166 different cultures, which makes it a “near-universal” human phenomenon.

In many countries, arranged marriages are the norm because respect for parents’ wishes and traditions are more important than romantic love.

Intimacy

6. The key to intimacy usually lies in the strength of the communication between partners Knowing your partner, his/her needs, wants, likes, etc. Feeling connected and well-balanced

7. So what are ways to be a good communicator? Make time for talk and each other Consciously listen Use ‘I feel’ statements Be aware of accusatory tones Do not use your partner for ‘venting’ excessively Develop an awareness of body language Give space when needed Show how you feel

8. Five Languages of Love

Words of Affirmation Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important— so are compliments Insults can leave this person shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Quality Time Being there for this type of person is critical —with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Receiving Gifts the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. The perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to this person. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous to this relationship.

8. Five Languages of Love – Cont’d

Acts of Service Anything to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words s/he most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tells speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

Physical Touch Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm or face— can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

9. Experiencing Love

Barriers to love occur at both macro and micro levels of society.1.Mass Society and Demographic Factors

a. Technology can decrease opportunities for face-to-face interaction

b. Variables such as age, income, and occupation also shape our love experiences

2. Double Standards can create a lack of mutual trust and lead to playing games.

3. “Me-first” individualism can lead to a preoccupation with self.

4. Personality and family characteristics sometimes get in the way of finding love.

10. When Love Goes Wrong

a. Narcissists are people who have exaggerated feelings of power and self importance.

b. Jealousy can occur when people believe a rival is competing for a lover’s affection.

c. According to evolutionary psychologists, Men are worried about sexual infidelity. Women are worried about their partner’s emotional

entanglements.d. Some obsessed jealous lovers become stalkers.

They may make numerous phone calls, send gifts, or continuously check up on their partner’s whereabouts.

Cyberstalking involves threatening behavior or unwanted advances using email, instant messaging, etc.

Victims of Cyberstalking

11. When Love Goes Wrong

Other forms of controlling behavior include threatening to manipulate or withdraw love creating guilt feelings emotional and physical abuse

What’s In A Relationship?

Activity – Task Cards

Healthy Relationship Qualities

Unhealthy Relationship Qualities

With all the heartbreak…

Why bother???!Am I Pretty?http://www.youtube.com

/watch?v=8D9mqqkgH-0

Heartbreak is often what teaches us what we want or need in love

How do you deal with it best??

Do Don’t

In Groups: How to end a relationship?

How to end a relationship?

How should you do it?Do it in person, in private, tell the truth

How should you never end a relationship?Text, email, message machine, get a friend to

do it, use a line, under “the influence”

Individually

The dos and don’ts of heartbreakMake a chart – write down what a person

should NEVER do when someone breaks their heart

Next – write down what a person SHOULD do when someone breaks their heart

Class Discussion

Activities: Dating

Dating on a Dime: Group Assignment Design a great date for less than $50 (gas not

included) You have 15 minutes to do this Eng 421 will vote on the best date, keep it clean!

SEXUALITY

Family living 621Unit 3

Learning Expectations

Understand reasons for getting marriedBe aware of the various stages of marriage

relationshipsDevelop an awareness of what is generally

found in a healthy and satisfying marriage relationship

Develop an awareness of methods for resolving conflicts in a marriage relationship

Examine diverse wedding rituals/ceremoniesBe aware of the legal implications of marriage

Sexuality

Physical attraction and sex are a major component of romantic relationships

Physical relationships can be satisfying for sexual desire, and in helping couples with intimacy

Important decisions in sexuality need to be made The emotional status of each partner Protection from STI’s and other health concerns Birth control

The Reproductive System: Review

Sexually Transmitted Infections and Methods of Birth Control

Healthy Sexual Relationships

Sexual orientation and Gender Identity

Coming “out”Gender issuesHomophobia and societyBuilding and providing support systems

Charlottetown Rural’s Gay-Straight Alliance

Assignments