Write Tighter: Get to the Point and Save Millions

Write Tight (er)

May 21, 2015 Marcia Riefer Johnston

marcia_r_johnston@me.com

@MarciaRJohnston

#ConfabMN

Get to the Point and Save Millions

#ConfabMN @MarciaRJohnston Write Tight(er) www.Writing.Rocks

What we’ll cover

What does concise mean (and not mean)?

What we’ll cover

Why do I care?

What we’ll cover

Why do I care?

How can I write more concisely?

What we’ll cover

Fast, pain-free technique

Why do I care?

How can I write more concisely?

What we’ll cover

#ConfabMN

No headline?

#ConfabMN

No headline?

Nobullets?

#ConfabMN

No headline?

Nobullets? No

verbiage?

#ConfabMN

No headline?

Nobullets? No

verbiage?

Howconcise!

“Most often I talk about content as text because text is everywhere … text is different … text is messy as hell.”

—Kristina Halvorson Content Strategy for the Web

What does concise not mean?

ShortWhy?

“A good speech [read, your text] should be like a woman's skirt; long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.”

—Winston Churchill

Make text, like a skirt, as long as needed.

Not robospeak.

Push button.

Not robospeak.

Push button. Push the button.

Not robospeak.

Keep the the.

Push button. Push the button.

What does concise mean?

Minimal

MinimalWhat?

Minimal

Enough to meet your audiences’ needs

Minimal

Enough to accomplish your purpose

Minimal

No more

Minimal

No more No less

Minimal

Write Tight(er): A Time-Saving, Pain-Free

Technique for Selling Yourself, Your Company, or

Your Products through Your Words

Audience needs:“What’s in it for me?”

My purpose:Get you here

No more

No more No less

What concise means

Questions?

What concise means

Why do I care?

“Usability was dramatically higher for the concise version [of the website]—58% better.”

—Jakob Nielsenwww.nngroup.com/articles/how-users-read-on-the-web

Why do I care?

“Usability was dramatically higher for the concise version [of the website]—58% better.”

—Jakob Nielsenwww.nngroup.com/articles/how-users-read-on-the-web

Why else do I care?

Cheaper to translate

Why else do I care?

Easier to understand

Why else do I care?

More engaging

Why else do I care?

More engaging

More useful on small screens

Write Tight (er)

This is your toothbrush when it’s new. The blue bristles are blue all the way to their tips.

This is your toothbrush when it’s ready to replace. The blue bristles have turned half white.

Philips Sonicare™ toothbrush

Is your text translated?

How much can a word cost?

You may be needing a loan.

How much can a word cost?words6

You may need a loan.

words6

5 words

words6

5 words

words6

5 words

1 word

words6

5 words

1 word

Translation cost (or savings):

words6

5 words

1 word

words6

5 words

1 word

words6

5 words

1 word

1 sentence, 1 language

$ 0.25

words6

5 words

1 word

$ 0.25

words6

5 words

1 word

10,000 sentences,* 1 language

$ 0.25

* the size of a Harry Potter novel

words6

5 words

1 word

$ 0.25

$ 2,500.00

words6

5 words

1 word

$ 0.25

$ 2,500.00

words6

5 words

1 word

10,000 sentences,* 25 languages

$ 0.25

$ 2,500.00

$ 62,500.00

words6

5 words

1 word

$ 0.25

$ 2,500.00

$ 62,500.00

words6

5 words

1 word

per word? How so?

Close enough

per word? How so?

Close enough

Varies with the language

per word? How so?

Close enough

Depends on the translation memory (database)

per word? How so?

Close enough

Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word

per word? How so?

Close enough

Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word

Full price

per word? How so?

Close enough

Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match Full price

per word? How so?

Close enough

Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match Full price

Pay less

per word? How so?

Close enough

Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match “perfect” match

Full price

Pay less

per word? How so?

Close enough

Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match “perfect” match

You still pay!

Full price

Pay less

What concise means

Why I care

Questions?

What concise means

Why I care

Whether or not you translate,

whatever size your page or screen,

you owe it to yourself to ask …

How can I writemore concisely?

Dump these words!*

Dump these words!**unless you need them

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact that

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjust

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order to

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbial

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particular

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particularverbiage

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particularverbiageany other verbiage or unneeded words that you can pitch

I coverthe rest in my workshop.

Jay FirestoneContent Strategist

Facebook

be-verbs

are be-verbs

has beenwasam

are be-verbs

will be

has beenwasam

are be-verbs

isbe will have

been being

will be

has beenwasam

are be-verbs

be-verb. Any form of the verb to be—namely, am, are, be, been, being, is, was, and were—whether used as an auxiliary verb or as a main verb.

—Bryan GarnerGarner’s Modern American Usage

See be-verbs.

Start seeing be-verbs!

Examples

“Bias tape has the advantage of being able to be applied smoothly around curves as well as straight.”

The fix might not be self-evident.

You have to think.

(Not too painful.)

“A scheme of which every part promises delight can never be successful.”

—Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

“A scheme of which every part promises delight can never be successful.”

—Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

Audit logs are proof that no data breach has occurred.

Our team wants to be predictive.

What does the team

want to do?

Skydiving was fun.

What happened?

“Write when there is something that you know; and not before; and not too damned much after.”

—Ernest Hemingway, Death in the Afternoon

“Write when there is something that you know; and not before; and not too damned much after.”

—Ernest Hemingway, Death in the Afternoon

www.hemingwayapp.com

What it is is…

“What was found was that access points on maps were not reflective or accurate for where they are.”

“ There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things

that we know we don’t know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things

we don’t know we don’t know.”(attributed to a one-time US secretary of defense)

We don’t know diddly—

We don’t know diddly—except to avoid (most) be-verbs.

YOURWORDS

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of timein light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particularverbiageany other verbiage or unneeded words that you can pitch

I coverthe rest in my workshop.

Word count

Cost to translate into 1 language 25 languages

x 10,000 sentences

(Harry Potter novel)

BEFORE Your original text here with more words than you need. 10 $2.50 $62.50 $625,000.00

AFTER Your tighter text here. 4 $1.00 $25.00 $250,000.00Savings 60% $1.50 $37.50 $375,000.00

Elizabeth RichDirector of Digital Content

Produce Marketing Association

BEFORE Write when there is something that you know; and not before; and not too damned much after.

AFTER Write when you know something; and not before; and not too damned much after.

Word count

BEFORE Write when there is something that you know; and not before; and not too damned much after. 17

AFTER Write when you know something; and not before; and not too damned much after. 14

Savings 18%

Word count

Cost to translate into 1 language

BEFORE Write when there is something that you know; and not before; and not too damned much after. 17 $4.25

AFTER Write when you know something; and not before; and not too damned much after. 14 $3.50

Savings 18% $0.75

Word count

BEFORE Write when there is something that you know; and not before; and not too damned much after. 17 $4.25 $106.25

AFTER Write when you know something; and not before; and not too damned much after. 14 $3.50 $87.50

Savings 18% $0.75 $18.75

Word count

x 10,000 sentences

(Harry Potter novel)

BEFORE Write when there is something that you know; and not before; and not too damned much after. 17 $4.25 $106.25 $1,062,500.00

AFTER Write when you know something; and not before; and not too damned much after. 14 $3.50 $87.50 $875,000.00

Savings 18% $0.75 $18.75 $187,500.00

Email me for the spreadsheet: marcia_r_johnston@me.com

Use be-verbs when they serve a purpose.

“Content is something you can run an ad alongside of.”

—Nora Ephron, I Remember Nothing

content

content ads

Be-verbs are everywhere. See?

See be-verbs.

Now available

Start seeing be-verbs.HowToWriteEverything.com

Email me for the bumper sticker : marcia_r_johnston@me.com

Want to make this technique even faster?

Try this.

Adjectives • absolutely certain, absolutely essential, absolutely

guaranteed, completely necessary, totally sure• bald-headed• best ever, first ever• blue in color, few in number, long in duration, nubbly in

texture, round in shape, slovenly in appearance, short in height, slow in speed, small in size, tall in stature

• booked solid• exact same, same exact, same identical• filled to capacity• incredible to believe, visible to the eye, warm to the touch

Nouns • actual experience, actual fact• added bonus• advance notice, advance planning, advance preview,

advance reservations, advance warning• all-time favorite, all-time record• alternative choice• anonymous stranger• annual anniversary• armed gunman• artificial prosthesis• autobiography of her own life, biography of his life

Nouns • actual experience, actual fact• added bonus• advance notice, advance planning, advance preview,

advance reservations, advance warning• all-time favorite, all-time record• alternative choice• anonymous stranger• annual anniversary• armed gunman• artificial prosthesis• autobiography of her own life, biography of his life

And that’s justthe a’s.

Verbs • add an additional• aid and abet, cease and desist, pick and choose• allow you to be able to• always include• ask the question• assemble together, attach together, blend together,

collaborate together, combine together, confer together, connect together, cooperate together, fuse together, gather together, join together, integrate together, meet together, merge together, mingle together, mix together, pool together, share together, splice together

Odds and Ends

• 6 a.m. in the morning, 10 p.m. in the evening, twelve noon, twelve midnight

• and etc.

• ATM machine, GOP party, GRE exam, HIV virus, ISBN number, LCD display, PIN number, RAM memory, UPC code—and my favorite: Please RSVP

What concise means

What concise meansWhy I care

What concise meansWhy I careHow to write concisely

Questions?

What concise meansWhy I careHow to write concisely

Story time

Water dispenser

Story time

Water dispenser

Buttons

Story time

Water dispenser

Buttons

Quick reference

Concise = good... right?

Three-minute video

If conciseness doesn’t fix it, change what you’re saying.

For more on concise writing and much, much more

powerful

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