Where Was Barack Obama Really Born?

There is a little cabin on the German/Austrian border, near where Adolph Hitler and Eva Braun were found dead. In that cabin there is a bassinet. In that bassinet, there was once a baby. We're  just saying. 

Bill Ayers Living Room. 

The dentist chair of now-legendary Birther Attorney Orly Taitz, the front-woman for the birth certificate movement who is also randomly a dentist and also a real estate agent.

The Panama Canal Zone, making him ineligible to be President because he was born outside the 50 States. (Editors note: Apologies, that was John McCain.) 

Scooped up by Pharoah's daughter in the Nile, then raised in the royal palace until adulthood. You know what that means, birthers? He's black and also a JEW. Enjoy your Wednesday. 

WTC 7

Through the clever use of the Fibonacci Sequence, Obama was discovered in a large cryptex under the Louvre by Tom Hanks. The whole thing was pretty weird.  

Inside the marble doors of the Federal Reserve, engineered by Alan Greenspan to torment Congressman Ron Paul. 

Separated at birth from wingnut Republican birther Alan Keyes. 

"the Island."