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A priest who was confronted by a soldier while he was walking down a road in pre-revolutionary Russia.
The soldier, aiming his rifle at the priest, commanded,:
1. Who are you?
2. Where are you going?
3. Why are you going there?
Unfazed, the priest calmly replied, “How much do they pay you?”
Somewhat surprised, the soldier responded, “Twenty-five kopecks a month.”
The priest paused, and in a deeply thoughtful manner said, “I have a proposal for you. I’ll pay you fifty kopecks each month if you stop me here every day and challenge me to respond to those same three questions.”
The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your
life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on,
rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey
- and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is
the day your life really begins.” Anon
Courage is fear that has said its prayers. Dorothy Bernard
Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose
sight of the shore. Andre Gide
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that
something else is more important than fear. ~Ambrose Redmoon
If I am what I have and if I If I am what I have and if I lose what I have who then am I? lose what I have who then am I?
Erich FrommErich Fromm
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands
in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and
controversy
Martin Luther King, Jr.
A good habit, consisting of three elements, is defined as “the intersection of knowledge”
1. Knowledge: the what to do2. Skill: the how to do3. Desire (motivation): the
want to do“ We are what we
repeatedly do. Excellence, then,
is not an act, but a habit ”
AristotleFrom The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Stephen Covey (1989)
Motivation is what gets you started.
Habit is what keeps you going.
Jim Ryun
Watch your thoughts, for they become wor
ds.Watch your words, for they become act
ions.Watch your actions, for they become
habits.Watch your habits, for they beco
me character.Watch your character, for i
t becomes your destiny
.Attributed to Mahatma Gandhi
Freedomto
Choose
Stimulus Response
Independent Will
ConscienceImagination
Self-Awareness
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our
growth and our freedom. Viktor Frankl
From The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Stephen Covey (1989)
CIRCLE OF
CONCERN
CIRCLE OF INFLUENCE
( Negative energy reduces the Circle of
Influence)
REACTIVE FOCUS
Sir, my concern is not whether God is on our side; my greatest concern is to be on God's side, for God is always right. Abraham Lincoln
From The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Stephen Covey (1989)
It makes no sense to worry about things you have no control over because there‘s
nothing you can do about them, and why worry about things you do control? The
activity of worrying keeps you immobilized. Wayne Dyer
Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday.Author Unknown
Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years. If
something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry: Worry never
fixes anything.Ernest Hemingway
CIRCLE OF
CONCERN
CIRCLE OF INFLUENCE
(Positive energy enlarges the Circle of
Influence)
From The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Stephen Covey (1989)
PROACTIVE FOCUS
Concern should drive us into action and not into a depression. No man is free who cannot control himself. Pythogoras
Ever more people today have the means to live, but no meaning to live for.
Viktor Frankl From The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Stephen Covey (1989)
The habit of mutual benefit
Win-Win means seeking solutions that allow every one
to win.
Successful relationships are built on a win-win
foundation. A Win-Win character consists of three
traits: Integrity, Maturity & Trust
Emotional Bank Account:
1. Understand the individual; show empathy
2. Attend to little needs; show kindness
3. Keep commitments & promises always
4. Clarify expectations
5. Show personal integrity and loyalty
6. Apologize sincerely when you make a withdrawal.From The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Stephen Covey (1989)
To truly understand, we must listen to more than words.
Empathy is listening with the eyes and the “heart.”
Empathic listening is deep, active, reflective listening, and showing the person that you are following, understanding and participating in his feelings besides his words.
Empathy is not sympathy or pity and never manipulative.
You have to really care; false or put on empathy sucks and people realize immediately.
Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution.
Kahlil Gibran
PhysicalExercise, Nutrition,
Recreation and Fun as an individual, couple and family
& Stress Management
Social/EmotionalFamily Sharing, Couple
Sharing,meaningful relationships and
activities, Service, Empathy
MentalReading, Learning,
VisualizingPlanning, Writing
SpiritualValue Clarification
& Commitment, Study & Prayer and MeditationFrom The 7 Habits of Highly Effective
People. Stephen Covey (1989)
Have fun in your command. Don't always run at a breakneck pace. Take leave when you've earned it: Spend time with your families.
Colin Powell
From Motivation and Personality by Abraham Maslow 1954
If your treat an individual... as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
If you plan on being anything less than you are capable of being, you will probably be unhappy all the days of your life.
Abraham Maslow
People who give up easily, habitually say:
It’s me. It’s going to last forever.
It’s going to undermine everything I do.
Those who resist giving in to misfortune say:
It was just circumstances.
It’s going away quickly anyway.
Besides there’s so much more in life.
Permanence
Pervasiveness
Personalization
from Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman
The last of human freedoms - the ability to chose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. Viktor Frankl
From various authors whose work is based on that of Beck and Ellis
Negative view of the self (e.g., I’m unlovable, ineffective)
Negative view of the future (e.g., nothing will work out)
Negative view of the world (e.g., world is hostile)
From various authors whose work is based on that of Beck and Ellis
Negative thoughts about yourself, your world, or your future
ATs are not given the same consideration as other thoughts but rather they are assumed to be true
They originate from shadow beliefs vs conscious beliefs For I know the plans I have for you,”
declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29: 11-12From various authors whose work is based on that of Beck and Ellis
1. I need love and approval from those around to me.
2. I must avoid disapproval from any source.
3. To be worthwhile as a person I must achieve success at whatever I do.
4. I cannot allow myself to make mistakes.
5. People should always do the right thing. When they behave obnoxiously, unfairly or selfishly, they must be blamed and punished.
6. Things must be the way I want them to be.
7. My unhappiness is caused by things that are outside my control – so there is nothing I can do to feel any better.
8. I must worry about things that could be dangerous, unpleasant or frightening – otherwise they might happen.
9. I must avoid life’s difficulties, unpleasantness, and responsibilities.
10. Everyone needs to depend on someone stronger than themselves.
11. Events in my past are the cause of my problems – and they continue to influence my feelings and behaviours now.
12. I should become upset when other people have problems, and feel unhappy when they’re sad.
13, I shouldn’t have to feel discomfort and pain.
14, Every problem should have an ideal solution. From various authors whose work is based on that of Beck and Ellis
Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue. One must
have a reason to “be happy.” Once the reason is found,
however, one becomes happy automatically. As we see, a
human being is not one in pursuit of happiness but rather
in search of a reason to become happy through actualizing
the potential meaning inherent and dormant in a given
situation. Once an individual’s search for a meaning is
successful, it not only renders him happy but also gives
him the capability to cope with suffering-to express it
in plain words, to become aware of what can be done about
a given situation
Man’s Search for Meaning - Viktor Frankl
.
1. Filtering.
2. Polarized Thinking.
3. Overgeneralization.
4. Jumping to
Conclusions.
5. Catastrophizing.
6. Personalization.
7. Control Fallacies.
8. Fallacy of Fairness.
9. Blaming.
10. Shoulds.
11. Emotional Reasoning.
12. Fallacy of Change.
13. Global Labeling.
14. Always Being Right.
15. Heaven’s Reward
Fallacy.
From various authors whose work is based on that of Beck and Ellis
www.eqindia.com29
Emotional Intelligence is “the capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships. Emotional intelligence describes abilities distinct from, but complementary to, academic intelligence.” Daniel Goleman (1998)
Emotional Intelligence, (Daniel Goleman)Working with Emotional Intelligence (Daniel Goleman)Primal Leadership - Realizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence (Daniel Goleman)
Emotional Intelligence, (Daniel Goleman)Working with Emotional Intelligence (Daniel Goleman)Primal Leadership - Realizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence (Daniel Goleman)
Emotional Intelligence, (Daniel Goleman)Working with Emotional Intelligence (Daniel Goleman)Primal Leadership - Realizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence (Daniel Goleman)
© 2006 Monika Lumsdaine
Analytical
Technical
World
Organized Controlled World
ImaginativeTrailblazing
World
CaringNetworke
dWorld
The Whole Brain Business Book (Ned Herrmann)The Creative Brain (Ned Herrmann)
AuthoritarianMaterialisticAcademic Realistic
ReliableTraditionalTask-driven Bureaucratic
ExperimentalFuturisticInventive Flexible
Value-OrientedHumanistic Cooperative
The Whole Brain Business Book (Ned Herrmann)The Creative Brain (Ned Herrmann)
•Learns by:organizing and structuring content •sequencing content •evaluating and testing theories •implementing course content
•Learners respond to:•through planning •sequential order •organizational and administrative case discussions •text books •behaviour modification •programme learning •structure •lectures
•Learns by•acquirng and quantifying facts •applying analysis and logic •thinking through ideas •building cases •forming theories
•Learners respond to:•formalized lectures •data based content •financial/technical case discussions •text books and bibliographies •programme learning •behaviour modification
•Learns by:•taking initiative •exploring hidden possibilities •relying on intuition •self discovery •constructing concepts •synthesizing content
•Learners respond to:•spontaniety •free flow •experiential opportunities •playfulness •future oriented case discussion •individuality •aesthetics •being involved
•Learns by•listening and sharing ideas •integrating self experience with self •moving and feeling •harmonizing with content •emotional involvement
•Learners respond to:experiential opportunities •sensory movement •music •people oriented case •discussions •group interaction
What?
ANALYZER
Logical thinkingAnalysis of factsCritical evaluationProcessing numbers
What if?
VISUALIZER
ConceptualizingStrategic thinkingImaginative designBig-picture viewpoint
Detailed organization Operational planningManuals, schedulesPreventive action
ORGANIZER
How
Social, interpersonal Care giving, sensing Spiritual, intuitiveExpressing ideas
PERSONALIZER
Why?
Three Basic Concepts: Parent, Adult and Child
Transactions: Among P, A and C P < -- > P A < -- > A C < -- > C There are 9 possible transactions
Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis. Eric BerneI’m OK–You’re OK by Thomas HarrisBorn to Win by Muriel James And Dorothy Jongeward
Parent- “Do as I do” Thoughts, feelings, attitudes, behavioral patterns based on
messages or lessons learned from parents and other ‘parental’ or authoritarian sources
Shoulds and should nots; oughts and ought nots; always and never
Nurturing views (sympathetic, caring views) Critical views (fault finding, judgmental, condescending views)
Child- “What shall I do?” Thoughts, feelings, attitudes, behavioral patterns based on
child-like emotions, impulses,
Adult- “I will be frank with you” Thoughts, feelings, attitudes, behavioral patterns based on
objective analysis of information (data, facts) Make decisions based on logic, computations, probabilities,
etc. (not emotion)Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis. Eric BerneI’m OK–You’re OK by Thomas HarrisBorn to Win by Muriel James And Dorothy Jongeward
Child Adult Parent in our Transactions. Biological conditions and chronological age
are irrelevant to these ego states. We shift from one ego state to another in
transactions.
Parent- “Why don’t you prepare a time-table?”Child- “What is the point when one cannot follow
it?” – Becomes an Adult.
Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis. Eric BerneI’m OK–You’re OK by Thomas HarrisBorn to Win by Muriel James And Dorothy Jongeward
Parent Ego State – It consists of experiences from the first five years in life. It is the state from which behaviors to control others are employed.
Child Ego State – It is “recorded” during the parent ego state. State when feelings rule.
Adult Ego State – By monitoring the parent and child ego states, it alters automatic behaviors that would normally occur.
Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis. Eric BerneI’m OK–You’re OK by Thomas HarrisBorn to Win by Muriel James And Dorothy Jongeward
See and hear what you see and hear, rather than what you are supposed to see
and hear.
Think what you think, rather than what you are supposed to think.
Feel what you feel, rather than what you are supposed to feel.
Want what you want, rather than what you are supposed to want.
Imagine what you imagine, rather than what you are supposed to imagine
Seek to avoid being created by others in their image and to create others in
your image.
Avoid judging others
Be there for people when they need you, not for the purpose of giving advice
or for being appreciated, but just to be there for them.
Enjoy the validation and support from others when it comes to you, but do
not expect it or be disappointed if it does not happen.
Practice sharing your genuine thoughts and feelings, your joys and your
successes, your concerns, and your fears with the people your trust and
love, and who embrace the same values as you. You will be amazed how your
life will be enriched.
“Never give in, never give in, never; never; never; never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense”
Winston Churchill
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