SIM LM 20 Feb (BGR)

SIM LIFE MEETING20th February 2012

Jacob

A Quick Intro

Reflection:

Do I really believe in the gospel?

(Your behaviours either confirm or betray what you think you believe.)

Yvonne

On the topic of BGR,

What can we find from the Bible about dating relationships?

How did you spend 14 Feb 2012?

Romans 12:9-10 (ESV)

9  Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.

10  Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one

another in showing honor.

Romans 12:9-10 (ESV)

1) Let love be genuine. (V9)2) Abhor what is evil; hold fast to

what is good. (V9)3) Love one another with brotherly

affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. (V10)

Romans 12:9-10 (ESV)

1) Let love be genuine. (V9)2) Abhor what is evil; hold fast to

what is good. (V9)3) Love one another with brotherly

affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. (V10)

What is your favourite story of true love?

1) Let love be genuine. (V9)

What is love?

1 John 4:10 (ESV)In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be

the propitiation for our sins.

The Biblical view on BGR can only be found in its high view of marriage.

1) Let love be genuine. (V9)

• Marriage should be the end goal of Christian courtship.

Ephesians 5:31-33 (ESV)31  “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one

flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see

that she respects her husband.

1) Let love be genuine. (V9)

• Marriage is a profound mystery. It is about Christ and His Church.

Ephesians 5:31-33 (ESV)31  “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one

flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see

that she respects her husband.

The gospel tells us the source of inspiration for all love stories. One that points to our deepest longing – God.

1) Let love be genuine. (V9)

• Marriage is a foreshadow of the gospel.

Creation

Fall

Redemption

RestorationGO

SP

EL

The gospel is the story from Genesis to Revelation of an ever-faithful sovereign Creator God pursuing the unfaithful bride He has set His eternal affection upon.

1) Let love be genuine. (V9)

• Marriage is a foreshadow of the gospel.

Redemption

Restoration

GO

SP

EL

Where we are: The “Now And Not Yet”

How we ought to view one another in the light of the gospel…

Romans 12:1

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.

Christians ought to see all of life as worship, including our BGRs and marriages. Yes, it is that radical.Implication: There is no space for recreational dating in Christianity.

On the “now and not yet” of marriage…

Because this momentary marriage is a foretaste of the eternal one, it is therefore very good. At the same time, it also doesn’t truly satisfy.

“Most foundationally, marriage is the doing of God. And ultimately, marriage is the display of God. It displays the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his people to the world in a way that no other event or institution does. Marriage, therefore, is not mainly about being in love. It’s mainly about telling the truth with our lives. And staying married is not about staying in love. It is about keeping covenant and putting the glory of Christ’s covenant-keeping love on display.”

- John Piper

I, Yvonne, take you, Jacob, to be my wedded husband.With deepest joy, I come into my new life with you.As Christ is to His Church as Lord, I joyfully pledge myself to be your loving and faithful wife.With confidence, I submit myself to your headship as to the Lord.I promise I will live first unto God above any others, and even above you.I promise I will follow you as you lead me towards faith and hope in Christ Jesus, remembering and reminding us to follow Him wherever He leads us and not grow comfortable in this world.I promise to support you, comfort you and encourage you through this life.I promise to love you unconditionally in every way, all your flaws and imperfections and all your sorrows and tears, which include all of your past and all that is to come.I promise to share all that I am with you, and that includes my favourite food.I promise, for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health,To laugh, cry and walk with you till we are both grey and our lives completely poured out like drink offering.These promises are the weightiest and most joyful commitment I have ever made and all these I know, requires enablement from God. With that, I pledge myself to you, by the grace of God, as your loving and faithful wife.

A Quick Note on “Singleness”

• Knowing the weight of marriage does not downplay the gift of singleness

• Both the gifts of marriage and singleness points to the eternal glory that is to come.

"If marriage is good, singleness is also good. It's an example of the balance of Scripture that, although Genesis 2:18 indicates that it is good to marry, 1 Cor 7:1 (in answer to a question posed by the Corinthians) says that "it is good for a man not to marry." So both the married and the single states are "good"; neither is in itself better or worse than the other. "Each person has his or her own gift of God's grace" (1 Cor. 7:7).

During my 20s and 30s, like most people, I was expecting to marry one day. In fact, during this period I twice began to develop a relationship with a lady who I thought might be God's choice of life-partner for me. But when the time came to make a decision, I can best explain it by saying that I lacked an assurance from God that he meant me to go forward. So I drew back. And when that had happened twice, I naturally began to believe that God meant me to remain single. Looking back, with the benefit of hindsight, I think I know why. I could never have traveled or written as extensively as I have done if I had had the responsibilities of a wife and family.

Although I have no children of my own, I have hundreds of adopted nephews and nieces all over the world, who call me "Uncle John." I cherish these affectionate relationships; they greatly lessen, even if they do not altogether deaden, occasional pangs of loneliness."

Romans 12:9-10 (ESV)

“Let love be genuine.” (V9)

Are we prepared to allow the gospel to re-define our idea of love?

Romans 12:9-10 (ESV)

1) Let love be genuine. (V9)2) Abhor what is evil; hold fast to

what is good. (V9)

2) Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. (V9)

2) Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. (V9)

Discernment

God’s Word Community

2) Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. (V9)

• God’s Word is our Definition

Romans 12:2Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and

perfect.

How do we define Mr or Ms Right? List of criteria?

• A recent convert• Widowed• Broke• Homeless• From a family noted for incest• Has a bitter mother-in-law

A quick note on being “equally yoked” (2 Cor 6:14)

Community

Master

Mission

Mate

GOD

BOY GIRL

Option 1: Option 2:

“The two enemies of the gospel are irreligion (antinomianism) and religion (legalism). One disobeys God to get what you want, the other obeys God to get what you want. Christians ought to repent not just for the wrongs we do, but for the reasons we do rights.”

– Tim Keller (paraphrased)

How we can use God to get what we want

Mate

Mission

“Master”

GOD

BOY GIRLOption 1:

Option 2:

Romans 12:9-10 (ESV)

1) Let love be genuine. (V9)2) Abhor what is evil; hold fast to

what is good. (V9)3) Love one another with

brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. (V10)

3) Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one

another in showing honor. (V10)

1 Timothy 5:1-2Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger

women as sisters, in all purity.

The Christian community ought to be marked by radical warmth.

How can we show one another brotherly sisterly affection without “sending the wrong signal” or “tempting ourselves to have the wrong motive”?

How we can show dishonor to one another in a Christian community

1) “It’s my love language!”

2) “Feels good but I don’t know where we are heading.” (more for guys)

3) “My hobby is to collect admirers.”

4) “Well, I’m still giving him a chance.” (more for ladies)

5) “I need a fellowship group to find a partner!”

Romans 12:9-10 (ESV)

9  Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.

10  Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one

another in showing honor.

Finally, Practical Advice

• Maximise your singleness for God• He should initiate and she should respond• Do not pursue a relationship until you are ready to marry• Theology and hermeneutics matter• Be careful of reducing relationships to a set of formula• Guard your heart for the Lord• Join a DG!

Wait… what about FAQs like is it okay to date a non-Christian or have premarital physical intimacy? (go back to Rom 12:1)

“Doesn't He want me to be happy?” (I heard an echo of Eve in Eden.)

“He wants you most to be holy.”

- Elisabeth Elliot, “Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ's Control”