Anatomy of Peace

The Anatomy of PeaceThe Anatomy of PeaceAn approach to performance and behavior management

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Heart at Peace – A way of Being

BEHAVIORSBEHAVIORS

HEART AT PEACEHEART AT PEACE

Others are PEOPLE:

Hopes, needs, cares, and fear as real to me as my

own

HEART AT WARHEART AT WAR

Others are OBJECTS:

ObstaclesVehicles

Irrelevancies

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What is “Self Betrayal”?

• An act contrary to what I feel I should do for another is called an act of “self-betrayal”

• When I betray myself, I begin to see the worlkd in a way that justifies my self-betrayal

• When I see a self-justifying world, my view of reality becomes distorted

• So – when I betray myself, I enter the box.• Over time, certain boxes become characteristic of

me, and I carry them with me.• By being in the box, I provoke others to be in the

box• I the box, we invite mutual mistreatment and

obtaini mutual justification. We collude in giving each other reason to stay in the box.

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The Collusion Diagram

1.1. She or He DoesShe or He Does2.2. I SeeI See

3.3. I DoI Do 4.4. She or He SeesShe or He Sees

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The Collusion Diagram

1.1. She or He DoesShe or He Does2.2. I SeeI See

3.3. I DoI Do 4.4. She or He SeesShe or He Sees

ALLIES ALLIES

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A Heart at Peace is a choice

Sense / DesireSense / DesireHelping a personHelping a person

ChoiceChoiceHonor the SenseHonor the Sense Betray the SenseBetray the Sense

I continue to see others as a PERSON

like myself person like myself

I begin to see others in ways that justify my self-betrayal. They

become an OBJECT of Blame

My Heart Goes to War

View of myself

View of Others

Feelings View of World

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The BETTER THANBETTER THAN Box

View of MyselfView of Myself View of OthersView of Others

FeelingsFeelings View of WorldView of World

SuperiorImportant

Virtuous/Right

InferiorIncapable/Irrelevant

False/Wrong

ImpatientDisdainfulIndifferent

CompetitiveTroubled

Needs Me

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The I DESERVEI DESERVE Box



MeritoriousMistreated/Victim

Unappreciated

MistakenMistreatingUngrateful

EntitledDeprivedResentful

UnfairUnjust

Owes Me

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The MUST BE SEEN ASMUST BE SEEN AS Box



Need to be well thought of.

Fake

JudgmentalThreateningMy audience

Anxious/AfraidNeedy/StressedOverwhelmed

DangerousWatching

Judging Me

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The WORSE THANWORSE THAN Box



Not as goodBroken/Deficient

Fated

AdvantagedPrivilegedBlessed

HelplessJealous/Bitter

Depressed

Hard/DifficultAgainst MeIgnoring me

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Small Group Discussions

1. What are your general reactions to this concept?

2. Why is it hard to think of yourself in the boxes described

3. Do you see any of the tendencies of someone at war in challenging relationships you have?

4. Is it possible to be out of the box all the time?

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4 Ways to Get Out and Stay Out of the Box

1. Look for the signs of the box (blame, justification, horribilization, common box syles, etc.)

2. Find an out-of-the box place (relationships, memories, activities, places)

3. Ponder the situation anew (from this out of the box perspective). Ask

• What are this person’s or people’s challenges, trials, burdens, and pains?• How am I, or some group of which I am a part, adding to these challenges• In what ways are my better-than, I-deserve, worse-than, and must-be-

seen-as boxes blocking potential solutions• What am I feeling I should do for this person or group? What could I do to

help

4. Act upon what I have discovered; do what I am feeling I should do

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THE PEACEMAKING PYRAMID

Dealing with things that are going wrong

Helping things go right

CorrectCorrect

Teach &Teach &CommunicateCommunicate

Listen and LearnListen and Learn

Build RelationshipsBuild Relationships

Build relationships with others Build relationships with others who have influencewho have influence

Get out of the Box / Obtain a heart at peaceGet out of the Box / Obtain a heart at peace

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3 Lessons from the Pyramid

• Most of your time and effort should be spent at the lower levels of the pyramid

• The solution to a problem at one level of the pyramid is always below that level of the pyramid

• Ultimately, my effectiveness at each level of the pyramid depends on the deepest level of the pyramid – my way of being

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Anatomy of Peace