ASTD-LA Leading With Grit and Grace Webinar

©Leslie Williams Consulting, Inc. 2011

The Power of Balance

Leslie Williams, MCCwww.grit-and-grace.com

304.876.6934

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2Background

■ Over 20 years’ executive coaching experience revealed a recurring client challenge: leadership style was criticized as being ‘too hard’ or ‘too soft.’ “How do I find an influence style that’s both authentic and effective?”

■ This has been a particular lament for women leaders

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3Background (cont’d)

■Effective power/influence style is critical to success for leaders and leadership development professionals alike.

■Yet style goes largely unexamined, until/unless it presents a problem.

■ What if we could get ahead of that curve and become more conscious and skillful before we hit the “style skids?”

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4Objectives

■Gain an understanding of how style forms and changes

■Learn about the “grit and grace” model of influence, as a way to better

- understand and develop yourself- guide colleagues, clients and customers on issues of

style

■Gain practical tips on how to develop greater stylistic balance, so you can influence more effectively

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5Anatomy of Style

Beliefs Behavior Results = Pattern / Style

• Successful• Self-reinforcing• Automatic / Unconscious

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6Style and Gender

■ Because influence style is such an important ingredient in career success, leaders - men and women - need to pay attention to style issues.

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Style and Gender (cont’d)

However, organizations still tend to relate differently to men and women on issues of style.

They tend to apply considerably more scrutiny to women’s styles than to men’s. So women deal with this issue more often and acutely.

“Stylistic bell curve.”

■Changing…but slowly.

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The Influence Style Continuum

“GRIT”

AssertiveObjective

“GRACE”

Supportive

Personal

+InclusionSupport

TactCollaboration

Sensitivity

+ DirectionChallenge

ClarityDecisivenessObjectivity

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9Grit & Grace

■ Neither is better or worse; each has its strengths.

■ We tend to be a mix.

■ That said, we tend to prefer one pole: more comfortable, natural and practiced. “Home base.”

■ What about you?

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10A Tale of Two Leaders

■ CFO of a telecommunicationscompany (Donna)

■ H.R. manager at a consulting firm (Susan)

Their styles worked beautifully…until they didn’t. What happened?

GRIT

GRACE

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■ Successes solidify our place on the continuum. That style works for us...

+ Direction Challenge

“Grit” Clarity Decisiveness

Task focus

+ Inclusion Support Tact “Grace” Flexibility Relationship focus

Aggression Intimidation

“Growl” Perfectionism Inflexibility

Insensitivity

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Indecision Overprotection Avoidance “Gum” Inconsistency Inequity -

Perils of Over-Investment

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12Key Points

■ Your style preference in itself is not a problem.

■ It’s a source of strength.

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13Key Points (cont’d)■What CAN become a problem is relying too heavily on your

preferred style to the neglect of its opposite.

■Then, your style gets out of balance, and you can become:

• vulnerable to the downsides of your favored style

• less versatile

• resistant to the other style, leaving critical strengths untapped.

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14He Said It Best

“Power without love [grit without grace] is reckless and abusive; love without power [grace without grit] is sentimental and anemic.”

~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

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Feedback: The Wake-Up Call

■ As uncomfortable as style feedback is, it is a valuable call to growth.

■ There are more and less productive ways to deal with that feedback.

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164 “Reactive” Responses

Blame: “I wouldn’t have to be so … if you weren’t so…”

Intensify: hyper-engage the current style

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4 Reactive Responses (cont’d)

■Abandon: escape current style and adopt the opposite

■“Whack-a-mole:” jump from style to style to avoid getting hammered

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■ Import and integrate the healthy aspects of the opposite style

Stay rooted in your preference (strength) AND Incorporate the best aspects of the opposite

(versatility)

18Optimal Response


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Grit: Grace:

Directness Compassion with heart with

backbone

19The Result of Integration


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■ Achieving integration is not a quick fix; it takes attention and practice over time.

■ The foundation:

an understanding of your own style, with its

strengths and limitations

20How Integration Happens


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■ From that awareness, develop some of the opposite side’s perspectives, skills and habits.

■ There are a myriad of activities that can help you start achieving better stylistic balance. Here are just a few to get you started…

21How Integration Happens (cont’d)


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■ Observe yourself – “What gets my ‘grit’ going? What’s going on for me then?” Look for patterns and new ways to respond.

■ Listen, listen, listen, from a place of true curiosity. Let others assert themselves before you jump in.

■ “Dual bottom line.” Use every interaction as an opportunity to strengthen BOTH the task AND the relationship.

■ Physical exercise: Yoga and meditation (anything that increases flexibility)

■ Emotions: look for internal frustration. This is a dominant emotion for people with a Grit preference. It’s a signal to slow your pace and soften your approach. Pushing harder can just bog down task accomplishment.

■ Get feedback. Enlist someone you trust to observe you and give you feedback on your style – both when you drive too hard and when you take steps to be more collaborative.

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For Grit Preference:“Grace-Strengthening” Practices


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3■ Observe yourself – “When/why do I sacrifice my needs or point of view?”

Look for patterns and new ways to respond.

■ Practice identifying your wants and needs.

■ Practice saying “no.” Start small and build up.

■ Physical exercises: Pilates and strength training (anything that increases physical strength)

■ Emotions: look for internal resentment. This is a dominant emotion for people with Grace preference. It tells you that someone has crossed a line and that there’s something you need to confront.

■ Get feedback. Enlist someone you trust to observe you and give you feedback on your style – both when you collapse and when you take steps to assert yourself.

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For Grace Preference:“Grit-Strengthening” Practices


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■ Style evolves over time and is driven both from the inside (you) and the outside (your environment)

■ While most of us are a mix of grit and grace, we tend to prefer one side of the spectrum

■ Overinvestment in one side to the neglect of the other can cause a stylistic imbalance that can impede your effectiveness.

■ The key to effectiveness is integrating the two sides, staying rooted in your preference while embracing the best aspects of the other. You’re still yourself, but your strengths become more powerful.

24Summing Up


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■ Books on women in the workplace:Enlightened Power: How Women Are Transforming the Practice of Leadership. Coughlin, Wingard and Hollihan, eds. Standing at the Crossroads: Next Steps for High-Achieving Women. Marian Ruderman and Patricia Ohlott The Naked Truth: A Working Women’s Manifesto on Business and What Really Matters. Margaret Heffernan Why Women Should Rule the World. Dee Dee Myers.

■ Books for developing Grit:Dare to Ask: The Woman’s Guide to Successful Negotiating by Cait Clarke and Neil ShisterOn-The-Level: Performance Communication That Works by Patricia McLagan and Peter KrembsThe Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner (more oriented toward personal relationships, but applicable to work)

■ Books for developing Grace:Working With Emotional Intelligence. Daniel GolemanNon-Violent Communication. Marshall RosenbergDifficult Conversations. Douglas Stone, et al

■ Websites: Blog: “Leading With Grit and Grace.” Leslie Williams http://grit-and-grace.com/grit-and-grace-notes/Catalyst (organization that does research on women in the workplace) http://www.catalyst.org/

25Other Resources


http://grit-and-grace.com/grit-and-grace-notes/

http://www.catalyst.org/

2626To Get These Slides
