“Management Stress-What do WE do About it?”

LifeServices EAP’s July, 2016“Manage This!” Webcast

Your Presenter: Margie Roop, LPCC-S; CEAP; SAP

LifeServices’ Regional Director, Ohio region Supervisory Clinical Counselor, Certified EAP; Substance

Abuse Professional under U.S. Department of Transportation rules.

21 Years in EAP field; 37 years in the mental health/substance abuse fields.

Live in Barberton, OH, near Akron. Married 30 years, one son, age 26, two dogs. I love to swim, run, travel, sing, read, & go to thrift

shops! “I know what I know from the over 1,000 persons I’ve

met within the EAP counseling setting & the hundreds of workplace settings I’ve visited.”

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Manager Stress: What do WE do About it?

Managers have different sources of stress: Higher expectations to perform in the areas of: planning,

advocating, reacting, guiding, supporting, participating, decision-making, observing, communicating, leading & teaching!

Managers’ schedules, especially if salaried, are varied, but expectations exist to be at work until the job gets done!

Managers are role models: Yes, whether you want to acknowledge it or not, you are held to a higher level of performance & scrutiny by all!

Managers are geared to take care of their charges’ stress, but rarely is their OWN stress looked at as a liability when in a leadership role!

Some may say: “My company doesn’t care about MY stress…”

They tell me to: “Put on your ‘big girl/big boy” pants!

There’s no time to deal with YOUR stress!

Why’d you take the job? Get out of the kitchen if the

heat’s too hot! Hey, this is what you signed

up for & why you’re makin’ the ‘big bucks’!

Quick Review In our April “First Tuesdays @ 12 Noon” webcast, “Stress @ Work or

Stress OF Work: Which is it?”, we discussed some current workforce characteristics:

Millennials make up the majority of the U.S. workforce; inter-generational stressors.

They are very tech-saavy; most are independent contractors working from home; highly connected to one another; study up on companies.

Most feel very confident in their abilities to improve their work conditions if not at YOUR company, then elsewhere!

Most are not working so much for the money as they are for a satisfying work experience!

We are all working more for less.

Wages have remained stagnant. Employers must be competitive to get

the best employees. Skilled trades are hurting for trained

applicants. Retirement plans are going away (no

more pensions). Insurance costs are soaring & are being

passed onto workers: higher deductibles, co-pays, & less coverage.

Plus…

Turn-over may be a constant issue. Attendance, tardiness. Employee conflict Plain laziness. Poor morale. “Attitude” issues; borders on

insubordination. Suspected substance abuse;

mental health issues.

Gosh, Margie, there’s more?

Perceived lack of support from upper management, i.e., “you’re on your own!”

Need for more management training.

Unclear guidelines from above. If a middle manager, feeling the

“squeeze” from your supervisees as well as upper management: easy to become the “scapegoat!”

Other shift managers fail to follow prescribed protocols.

Open communication/feedback loop is not encouraged: “just shut-up & do it!” mentality.

What managers tell me….

Think that management is not for them. Sees inconsistencies in how other managers

conduct business (not following protocol). Personality conflicts with certain workers. Perceived lack of support from upper management. Personality conflict with their own manager! Feel under-trained. Feel company expectations for production is

unrealistic.

In their personal lives…

No different than others.

Managers experience life stress too!

They have families with all the concomitant struggles of: raising children, finances, schedules, multi-tasking, etc…

But, it becomes compounded as their responsibilities once again pick up at work!

Stress is stress!

Where’s a manager to turn?

Especially if upper management doesn’t appreciate the negative consequences associated with stressed-out managers (therefore, fails to promote stress management activities?).As managers, they are expected to be THE ones that their subordinates turn to in time of….need (no matter what that might be on any given day).How can a manager be effective in this regard if they’re feeling similarly stressed with no tools available?

YOU are your best source for relief....YOU are the one who needs to:Take care of YOU!Evaluate TODAY just what IS your self-care plan?No one will EVER know what your needs are unless YOU tell them…are you willing to?What IS it that IS within your control?What is NOT within your control?Do you know the DIFFERENCE??

In today’s times….

Social media

It just becomes too much in the overload department.

We end up knowing almost “too much”; it’s bad stuff; it’s crazy stuff; it’s worrisome stuff.

It can easily take us to a place that is truly non-productive: depression, anxiety, substance abuse; over-reacting at work.

Need to prioritize

Is work your “end all; be all?’ Or, does your family/personal

life come first? If so, do you behave like it does?

What underlies a NEED to cave to the demands of work versus the demands of your loved ones?

A Self-Care Plan

Do you take time for yourself each day? 20-30 minutes: meditation, yoga, deep breathing, prayer, etc…

Do you spend quality time with your loved one(s) each day?

Do you eat healthy? Do you exercise: 20-30 minutes per day? Do you have a hobby you look forward to most times? Do you leave work AT work? Do you set boundaries with loved ones for your time? IS your personal life your priority?

Do you tell others what it is you need?

You are your own best advocate & that includes when you need help at work!Can you effectively communicate to your supervisor about work-related issues which are problematic to you?Do you fear a negative reaction?Do you feel you’ll be “bothering” the boss by discussing an issue with them?What’s keeping you from being honest about what is bothering you?

By what “Core Beliefs” do you operate?

About yourself? About others? About the future? Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

(CBT) assists people in addressing & refuting core beliefs which are irrational, inaccurate & contribute to personal misery!

Formula: Thoughts precede feelings which

precede behaviors. And, our thoughts originate from our

“core beliefs” (about ourselves, others & the future).

CORE BELIEFS ORIGINATE FROM EXPERIENCES IN OUR FORMATIVE years.

Our family of origin, significant role models, activities, educational endeavors, religious, etc…

WHAT core beliefs resulted for you?

As an example… Person is raised by an alcoholic parent, largely

unavailable to meet their basic needs as a child, due to being passed-out most of the time. Other close relatives either alcoholic and/or uninterested in assisting this child.

Possible core belief adopted: adults in authority are unreliable, not to be trusted, selfish.

Resultant thoughts (tape): Authority means nothing to me; I don’t respect people in authority.

Resultant feelings: Anger, disappointment towards persons in authority.

Resultant behavior: Does not listen to input by authority; speaks disrespectfully towards those in authority; challenges.

Another example…

Manager raised by single parent working two jobs, three siblings, paycheck-to-paycheck existence. Not much one-on-one time with mother who often exhibits angry outbursts towards all the kids. Child is bullied at school; mom knows but doesn’t much respond to child’s claims.

Possible core beliefs: I do not matter to anyone; I must cause others’ upset.

Possible thoughts: What difference does it make to say anything about…?; I don’t deserve good things anyway.

Possible feelings: I feel worthless; I am dirt. Possible behaviors: Never brings up anything at work

which could rock the boat or cause someone to become angry.

One more… Manager raised in home where

both parents absent due to work & social” obligations. As a child, left to take care of younger siblings; given many kudos from parents for doing so.

Possible core beliefs: Adults cannot be relied upon. I am very self-reliant.

Possible thoughts: I don’t need anyone; I can do everything myself; I need to do everything for everyone else.

Possible behaviors: Does subordinates’ work for them; bypasses protocols to do it “their way.”

So, what ARE your core beliefs?

About yourself, others, the future?Where do you think they came from?Do they result in behaviors which do not meet your needs at work?Examples:Do you slink away from confronting your subordinates on behaviors? Why?Do you avoid bringing up areas of concern to your boss? Why?Do you stay after work for inordinate amounts of time? Why?Do you do the work of your subordinates? Why?

Ready to work on irrational core beliefs?

The EAP is the perfect place to start! It might take but a few sessions. It does involve being honest about what it is that

bothers you about your work experience. The counselor can guide you in discussing just HOW

you got where you got & how to get where you want!

OK, Margie, but what IF my “manager stress” is not about me?

What if it’s ALL about work?

Ask yourself: what do you have control over to change?

What do you NOT have control over to change?

Do you know the difference? If you can change things, then, set

about doing so. Why aren’t you? If you cannot change things, then

LET. IT. GO! Can you? Why not? Arghhh!!

What do I do?

Do I need…. To leave my job position? This

company? This career?…in order to: 1.Feel happier 2. More rested 3. More involved with my family 4. Pursue other life-long

dreams/interests 5. Move to another part of the country 6. Travel

Why is it that something HAS to be a CERTAIN way?

Albert Ellis, Ph.D.: Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), a pioneering form of cognitive behavioral therapy.

REBT: It is largely our thinking about events which leads to emotional & behavioral upset.

With an emphasis on the present, individuals are taught to examine & challenge their unhelpful thinking which creates unhealthy emotions & self-defeating/self-sabotaging behaviors.

Focus: on identifying one’s individual set of beliefs (attitudes, expectations, personal rules) that frequently lead to emotional distress.

One therapeutic technique is disputing one’s belief: Why IS it that I must stay at work until 6:30pm each night; why IS it that people must always be nice to me?

www.albertellis.org

Padraig O’Morain, Irish mindfulness therapist-Handout

Listing of Albert Ellis’ “13 Common Sub-Conscious Irrational Beliefs.”

Mindfulness, by increasing self-awareness & giving us some distance from our thoughts, can help us to spot our irrational beliefs & to take them less seriously.

Mindfulness Activities

Deep breathingMeditationYogaProgressive RelaxationVisual imageryPrayerSitting in silence

You won’t be in control of your stress unless

YOU take control!

Do it!

Take your work breaks; go outside & walk; lock your door & meditate; yoga poses; visual imagery; progressive relaxation, etc…

Create a calming atmosphere within your work area (see attached article: “Creating a Calm Work Environment.”

Challenge yourself about what stands in your with doing the sometimes uncomfortable things associated with being a manager, i.e., disciplining an employee, discussing tough issues with my boss about the operations, setting limits with my time with BOTH subordinates & upper management, leaving work on time, etc…!

We teach people how to treat us!

If you always excuse me, I’ll keep misbehaving.If you always do the work for me, I’ll never learn to do it myself.If you’re never around to check my work, I won’t do the work.If you show favoritism to others, I’ll lose my motivation.If you don’t follow-through on my feedback, I’ll stop sharing vital information with you.If you share information with me about co-workers, I’ll lose trust in you. If you over-react to me in anger, I’ll avoid you.Check yourself! Are irrational core beliefs at work?

LifeServices EAP

Contact us at 1-800-822-4847 24/7 to talk!

Set up an appointment to talk in person with one of our EAP counselors.

Visit our website for resources: www.lifeserviceseap.com

www.slideshare.netLook up Margie Roop

Article: “Behaviors to Never Ignore in the Workplace”PowerPoints: “Anger: Who’s Most at Risk?” “Identifying Stressed-out Employees & How to

Intervene” “Bullying in the Workplace” “Dealing with Difficult Customers & We’re All the

Customer” “Hostile or Respectful Workplace?” “Communicating with Difficult People” “Reasonable Suspicion” “Identifying & Responding to Unsafe Behaviors” “Stress & the Economy”

Look up Margie Roop on LinkedIn OR www.linkedin.com/in/lifeserviceseap.com

“Poking the Bear…at Work?” “Who’s that Bear Over There?” “Facing the Bear…at Work”” “Mental Illness: We’re All at Risk

for Harm” “Management Mayhem” “Secret Suffering” “Why ARE They Absent from

Work?” “Is Empathy Dead?” Are your Employees OK?

Call us today! Resources

Contact Margie Roop: mroop@lifeserviceseap.com: with questions or for more resources.

I will email you the link for today’s recording tomorrow!

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your screen.Click on the Hand Icon to the right of your screen to ask a question.Thank-you so much for attending this webcast! Go out and do great

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