Math Jokes

* After her husband's death, the elderly lady decided to go back to school and get a degree in mathematics. A few weeks into the term, she storms into the dean's office, exclaiming: "I've been silent until now - but I'm not going to take these obscenities anymore!" "What obscenities are you talking about?" She reaches into her purse and pulls out a notebook. "I noted of all of them. In my presence, professors had the complete lack of decency to speak of" - she leafs through her notebook - "Bruhat-Tits spaces, a pumping lemma, and even degenerate colonels!"

*A mathematician and his best friend, an engineer, attend a public lecture on geometry in thirteen-dimensional space. "How did you like it?" the mathematician wants to know after the talk. "My head's spinning", the engineer confesses. "How can you develop any intuition for thirteen-dimensional space?" "Well, it's not even difficult. All I do is visualize the situation in arbitrary N-dimensional space and then set N = 13."

*"So how's your boyfriend doing, the math student?" "Don't mention that crazy pervert to me anymore! We broke up." "How can you say such a nasty thing about him? He seemed to be such a nice boy." "Imagine! He was restless during the days and couldn't sleep at night - always trying to solve his math problems. When he had finally done it, he wasn't happy: he would call himself a complete idiot and throw all his notes into the garbage. One day, I couldn't take it anymore, and I told him to drop math. You know what he told me?" "No." "He said, he enjoyed it!!!"

Math Prayer

1    Lord teach us to make our days

And graph them according to Your paln

Trusting you to base us Your plan

To complement Your perfect diagram.

2    Subtract the points You don’t want from us

And add the values You have set for us

Divide the values we possess accordingly

So we can multiply them systematically.

3    Draw the  line we have to follow

Guiding us properly with Your arrow

Because sometimes we tend to be irrational

Yet all the while You want us to be rational.

4    When we learned that life is a slope

With all the ascends and descents

We must cope goimg through such a wonderful formula

Is just like solving problem in algebra.

5    Life is indeed Your  computation

And we only a minuscule prohection

Give thank and praise to Your Almighty Creation.

Math Poem

Number Poem

Down you run and 1 is done.

Around, and down, and out go you,That's the way to make a 2.

Around, and around, like a bee,That's the way to make a 3.

Down, across, and down once more,That's the way to make a 4.

Short neck, belly fat,Number 5 wears a hat.

Down, around, in a circle you go,That's a six, just as you know.

Straight across, slide down from heaven,That's the way to make a 7.

First a snake, then come back straight,That's the way to make an 8.

First a ball and then a line,That's the way to make a 9.

Tall straight, circle then,That's the way to make a 10

Math Songs

Isometries

You can slide them sideways

Or move them up and down.

You can flip them over

Or turn them round and round!

Chorus:

I - sometries, I - sometries,

Rigid transformations -

Reflect, rotate, translations -

Any way you please!

 

If I were the king of the world,

I'll tell you what I'd do:

I'd translate, rotate, and reflect

A great big smile to you!

Chorus

Math TriviaRapidly Adding Numbers

Edward Julius in his book Rapid Math Tricks And Tips explains how to add numbers faster.Here is how to rapidly add numbers.1+9+2+8+4+5+6+5+3+7=1+9=10 2+8=10 4+6=10 5+5=10 3+7=10Think 10, 10, 10, 10, and 10The answer is 50Here is another example3+8+7+1+1+4+5+6+2=3+8=117+1+1=9+11=204+6=1020+10=305 and 2 are left so add 5+2 and get 7 and add that to the 30

Your answer is 37

Multiplying 2 digit numbers

Edward Julius in his book Rapid Math Tricks And Tips explains how to multiply numbers faster.

 

Here is an easy way to multiply 2 digit numbers by 2 digit numbers.

Step 1 Multiply the ones digit together

Step 2 Cross-multiply and add

Step 3 Multiply the tens digit together

So the answer is 276

Math Quotation

If scientific reasoning were limited to the logical processes of arithmetic, we should not get very far in our understanding of the physical world. One might as well attempt to grasp the game of poker entirely by the use of the mathematics of probability.

We used to think that if we knew one, we knew two, because one and one are two. We are finding that we must learn a great deal more about 'and'.

I have hardly ever known a mathematician who was capable of reasoning.

Mathematics may be defined as the subject in which we never know what we are talking about, nor whether what we are saying is true.

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.