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1Fawlty Towers Episode 3
Fawlty Towers
Episode 3 – The Wedding Party
Major Gowen: By Jove, ___________________________, isn’t it, Fawlty?
Basil Fawlty: ______________________, Major, yes!
Maj: Phew, very warm, phew!
Bas: ________________________________________?
Maj: What? Oh, er, well, why not indeed? What a very nice idea!
Bas: Reminds me of somebody machine-gunning a seal!
Maj: __________________!
Bas: No, no, _______________________!
Maj: Ah! Yes, yes!
Bas: Ah, ___________________, Mrs Peignoir!
Mrs Peignoir: _____________________! Thank you for your map – _________________
____________! ___________________________ – I had no idea how charming
Torquay was!
Bas: Ah, enchanté! May I ask, er, did you find _____________________________?
Pei: Mm, a few pieces I liked very much – and one – oh, ____________________!
Bas: Ah, formidable! I’m so pleased! __________________________ Major Gowen, our
longest standing resident – Mrs Peignoir?
Pei: ________________, Major?
Maj: _________________, Madam?
Bas: Mrs Peignoir’s an antique dealer – ____________________________________ –
sniffing around for dainty relics! Please don’t alarm yourself – _______________
______________________! I’m afraid her local finishing school was bombed!
Pei: Oh, dear!
Bas: No, no, not really – just a thought! Well now, __________________________?
Pei: Do you have any Ricard?
Bas: __________________?
Pei: Any Ricard?
Bas: Ah, ___________________________, _______________!
2Fawlty Towers Episode 3
Pei: Just a sherry, then!
Bas: But of course!
Maj: Tell me – ______________________________________________________?
Pei: _______, __________!
Maj: Good Lord!
Bas: ___________________, dear? We er, we haven’t er, __________________
_____________, have we?
Sybil Fawlty: Well I haven’t – _____________________________!
Bas: Ah, well, _______________________, shall I?
Syb: ____________________________________________________, dear!
Bas: Well where’s Manuel?
Syb: We’ve given him the evening off, dear – _____________________________!
Bas: I mean, how old is he? Two and a half? Excuse me – __________________
___________, Sybil!
Bar guest: No nuts?
Syb: ________________________________________!
Bas: Oh, will I?
Syb: Well if you can bear to tear yourself away from Mrs Peignoir you will! Do go on!
Maj: Well in 1918 then!
Bas: Did you, did you ever see that film “____________________________________?”
Maj: “______________________________________?”
Bas: Yes, awfully good – _____________________________! It was very funny!
Miss Tibbs: _____________________________, Mr Fawlty?
Bas: What? Yes, yes, thank you very much! _________________________?
Tibbs: Yes!
Bas: Good, good – well we’re all all right then!
Tibbs: _____________________________!
Miss Gatsby: Yes, and ________________________, isn’t he?
Tibbs: I don’t think he’s very well, dear! I think we ought to take care of him!
Richard Turner: Hello!
Polly Sherman: Hello! I think I left it over here somewhere! Hang on! Ah –
______________! ____________________________!
3Fawlty Towers Episode 3
Rich: Mm! Mm!
Bas: Yes? ____________________________, is it?
Pol: Mr Fawlty – __________________________ Richard Turner?
Bas: __________________?
Pol: ________________________!
Bas: Oh – _________________________, do you? Just er, ______________________,
are you?
Pol: There you go – ________________________!
Rich: Yes!
Bas: Oh – we’ve _________________________, have we? _________________! Please
don’t leave on my account, _____________________!
Pol: I’m sorry but-
Bas: Now look here, Polly-
Pol: We were just saying goodbye and then-
Bas: I mean, _______________________________________________? ____________
______________? I mean we are running a nice, respectable, high- I’m sorry, _____
_______________________________?
Pol: No, I was er, just looking for-
Bas: No, no, obviously I said something __________________________!
Pol: No, __________________________!
Bas: Ah well, so long as I amuse the staff – I mean, __________________________!
Pol: Ah – I’ll just take these in, shall I?
Bas: And er, one other thing, Polly – I’m afraid we’ve abandoned the idea of the
__________________________________ – so ______________________________
before you go in where people may be trying to eat?
Pol: __________________________!
Bas: And Polly – _______________________________, please?
Pol: I’m on form tonight! Yes, Mr Fawlty?
Bas: I know these kind of drawings are considered decent at art school, but would you
please not leave them lying around _____________________________________?
Pol: _____________________________________________________________!
Bas: I mean, really! Hah!
Bas: Hello – Fawlty Titties! Yes, yes – oh, it’s you, Audrey – yes! Oh, _______________
4Fawlty Towers Episode 3
_________, has he? Oh, dear – oh, dear! __________ – hmm – yes! Ah, good
evening, Major! Yes, ______________________________________! Yes, well
______________________! Hmm, yes, well keep your pecker up – bye! Dreadful!
Jean: Oh, ____________, Alan!
Alan: (imitates dog) Hello! ____________________________!
Bas: _______________?
Alan: Yes, ____________________! The name is-
Bas: ________________ - _____________!
Alan: ____________________!
Bas: __________?
Alan: Nothing!
Bas: ___________________________________!
Alan: No!
Bas: _____________________?
Jean: Yes, thank you!
Bas: _____________________?
Alan: ______________________, yes!
Bas: Well ______________________________, please?
Alan: Yes, it’s Bruce!
Bas: Mr and Mrs Bruce.
Alan: ___________________!
Jean: ___________________________?
Bas: _________________________?
Jean: ____________________________________?
Bas: _____________________?
Jean: Yes!
Bas: Well ____________________________________ – I mean, __________________?
Alan: Oh, _____________________, yes!
Bas: Well I’ll have to ________________________________, then!
Alan: ______________!
Bas: Well I mean- Oh, never mind! Yes, all right!
Jean: ______________________________?
Bas: ______________________________?
5Fawlty Towers Episode 3
Jean: Well – is it- is it airy?
Bas: Well ______________________! I mean, what the-
Jean: Oh! ____________________________________!
Bas: What?
Jean: ______________________________________!
Bas: _________________!
Jean: Yes – Jean Wilson!
Bas: Jean Wilson – _____________________?
Jean: Mm hm!
Alan: (laughs)
Bas: Now what’s going on here? Well ________________________________________!
Alan: Oh, Lord! Er-
Bas: ________________________!
Alan: _____________?
Bas: _________________________ – ________________________!
Alan: _________________________________?
Bas: _________________________! I can give you two singles if you like, but erm-
Alan: Cor - _________________________________?
Jean: Oh, it’s too late now!
Bas: Excuse me!
Pei: Well there’s my key - and now I’m off to paint the town red!
Bas: ____________________________!
Pei: Well er, perhaps I’ll see you later this evening?
Bas: Yes, my wife and I ______________________________ tonight, thank you!
Alan: I can’t believe a word- Excuse me! We’ll have two singles then, ____________
__________________________________!
Bas: ____________________ – certainly! Now er-
Jean: _____________________________!
Bas: _____________________________ – oh, dear! We can’t do that – __________
____________! Now-
Syb: Good evening!
Jean, Alan: Good evening!
Bas: Erm-
6Fawlty Towers Episode 3
Syb: ________________, is it?
Jean: ____________________________!
Bas: Two singles, dear – ___________________! Now, erm-
Syb: ____________?
Bas: Nothing, dear – ___________________________!
Syb: Well, _________________________! You’d have to share a bath!
Bas: Ah – oh, er, Audrey called – I’ll handle it – er, George has left her again!
Syb: Oh, no!
Bas: Now ________________________________, and one ____________________
_______________-
Syb: __________________________________, Basil?
Bas: I’m dealing with it, dear!
Syb: No, dear, that’s all right – now ____________________________-
Bas: _______________________________!
Syb: ___________________________________________?
Bas: Look, ________________________!
Syb: Well ____________________________!
Bas: I fought in the Korean War, you know – I killed four men!
Syb: He was in the Catering Corps – _____________________________!
Bas: Yes? _________________?
Man: Is Manuel!
Bas: Well ___________________?
Man: Er, _______________________?
Bas: ___________________________!
Man: Qué?
Bas: ___________________________!
Man: No, no – ______________________!
Bas: What?
Man: Er, it was about so high!
Bas: No, no, _____________________- Hé creduto que- ________________________!
Man: Qué?
Bas: __________________________!
Man: Oh, _________________________!
7Fawlty Towers Episode 3
Bas: Yes!
Man: No, no, ____________!
Bas: ________________!
Man: What, is OK?
Bas: ___________!
Man: Thank you!
Bas: Yes?
Man: _____________________!
Bas: ________________?
Man: Erm, __________________!
Bas: Yes, _____________!
Man: __________________________________________________!
Bas: Oh, yes!
Man: And for your ____________________________ since I come here-
Bas: Not at all, _________________!
Man: Since coming here from Spain, ____________________________-
Bas: _______________!
Man: Qué?
Bas: _______________! _______________!
Man: __________________________________, leaving my five brothers and four sisters-
Bas: __________________ – _________________!
Syb: ___________________, Basil?
Bas: What dear?
Syb: __________________________!
Bas: ______________________________________________, dear!
Syb: _____________________!
Bas: _____________________, Sybil-
Syb: Basil!
Bas: If you were my size-
Man: ____________________-
Syb: Manuel!
Man: Sí, sí!
Syb: _______________________, please!
8Fawlty Towers Episode 3
Man: Ah, sí, thank you!
Syb: Basil!
Pol: Jean!
Jean: Hello, Pol!
Pol: ________________________________?
Jean: Well we couldn’t get in at the Bellevue!
Pol: Oh, no- Hello, Alan!
Jean: It’ll be fun – ____________________________________!
Pol: ________, ___________?
Jean: Mm!
Pol: Well ____________________!
Alan: Yes, _____________________________________________!
Pol: Shh! I’m not supposed to hobnob!
Alan: Oh, dear!
Jean: Oh, _________________________!
Pol: _____________________________!
Jean: Are you going to be at Fiona’s wedding?
Pol: I can’t, but _________________________________ – in my very own Jean Wilson
creation!
Jean: _______________________________________!
Pol: OK – how’s that gorgeous stepfather?
Jean: Oh, I haven’t seen him for a month – _________________________________!
Alan: Oh, blast! __________________________________ for my electric razor! ________
__________________________, Pol?
Pol: Well you might find a chemist’s!
Alan: Yeah, well, _______________________________ – won’t be long!
Jean: Is Richard coming tonight?
Pol: Mm – _________________________________!
Jean: ________________!
Alan: Hello again! Well, we managed to get it __________________________________!
Bas: Well I wouldn’t know about that – _________________________________?
Alan: Er, yes – look – I know it’s a bit late, but _________________________
9Fawlty Towers Episode 3
__________________________________?
Bas: _____________________________?
Alan: __________________________________________________________?
Bas: I suppose you think this is funny, do you?
Alan: __________________?
Bas: Ha ha ha!
Alan: No, no – _____________________________!
Bas: Oh, do you? _____________ – __________________, __________________
__________________so you’ll just have to wait till tomorrow – sorry! Bit of a blow,
___________________!
Alan: What?
Bas: Nothing – you heard! _______________________?
Alan: Well-
Bas: Yes?
Alan: _____________________ you’ve got a couple-
Bas: ____________ – just don’t ____________________! I have a breaking point, you
know!
Alan: Well _____________________________!
Bas: ___________________________!
Alan: _____________?
Bas: Batteries, eh? Do you know something? ______________________! ____________
____________________________, and ______________________________!
Alan: Wh- ___________________________? I want batteries for my electric razor!
_______________________!
Bas: Oh, yes?
Alan: Yes – _____________________________ – look – see?
Bas: ______________________, huh?
Alan: ____________!
Bas: Well that’s what I was referring to when ___________________________! It is of
course disgusting _____________________________! But understandable – I mean
sometimes I don’t shave either, and ______________________________! So I shall
have a razor sent up to your room straight away! Thank you so much –
_____________!
10Fawlty Towers Episode 3
Syb: Hello? Audrey – ________________? Oh, dear – he hasn’t! Oh, I know! _________
_____________________, Audrey, ____________________! Exactly! __________
___________! ________ – _________! Oh, __________!
Bas: Are you going on like that the whole night?
Syb: ________________, Audrey? Oh, _________! ___________!
Bas: Well ______________________ you then?
Syb: ________________, dear, ______________!
Bas: Oh, _____________________________! I’ll go and clean the roof or something! Ah,
____________________________________! ______________________________!
Syb: Yes, yes!
Bas: I expect they forgot to get their passkey!
Syb: ______________!
Bas: Somebody’d better go and _____________________!
Syb: Yes!
Bas: _____________, ______________?
Syb: Mm!
Bas: Yes, __________ – right, _____________! I mean, you know who that is, don’t you?
________________________ – the Kama Sutra set! “_____________________!
Welcome to Basil Fawlty Knocking Shops Limited”!
Syb: No, dear – _________________________!
Bas: _________________, ________________! I mean, ________________________
_____________________!
Pei: Oh, Mr Fawlty – oh, ________________________!
Bas: Oh, no – _________________________________!
Pei: Oh, I don’t- __________________________________!
Bas: No, not at all – _______________________________________!
Pei: Oh, ____________________!
Bas: Oh, well-
Pei: Oh, I had just ______________________!
Bas: __________? _______________!
Pei: I saw some friends I hadn’t seen for years – _______________________
__________________________, I’m afraid!
Bas: Oh, dear - I mean, _______________________ if one can’t get a bit er-
11Fawlty Towers Episode 3
Pei: Blotto?
Bas: Well hardly blotto, but er-
Pei: Ah, Mr Fawlty, ___________________________!
Bas: Well, _____________________________!
Pei: I hope Mrs Fawlty appreciates ___________________________!
Bas: Well I think ___________________________________, but-
Pei: Ooh!
Bas: Oh, sorry – please- Sorry, I beg your pardon! Ah, there we are!
Alan: Oh!
Bas: Sorry, sorry! There you are – well, carry on – _____________________________!
Alan: No, I mean-
Bas: No, it’s quite extraordinary – I mean, the front door bell went just a moment or two
ago, and I thought to myself, “Ah! I expect that’ll be Alan and er-” so down I go, and
lo and behold, it’s not you at all, it’s Mrs Peignoir – ____________________? Alan
and er – this is Mrs Peignoir – _________________________________, you know, I
mean, she deals in antiques – she’s not frightfully old or anything – ha, ha, ha! So, I
let her in just ten seconds ago, I mean, hardly five, I mean, hardly time to say good
evening – in she comes, drops her thing, down I go, down she goes, and there you
are! Bless my soul – it’s going to- Golly, is that the time? My goodness, I was
thinking it was a quarter past ten – my God! Well, I’d better get to bed, eh – can’t
stand around talking all night – got to get an early night – bye! Sorry!
Alan: ____________________________?
Pei: _______, __________! _________________! Bonne nuit!
Jean: Goodnight!
Alan: Jean, ________________________________!
Jean: Mm – ____________________________!
Alan: I won’t!
Syb: __________?
Bas: Hmm?
Syb: _______________?
Bas: Oh, it was your er – _______________! Huh! Tsh – cor!
Jean: ___________________!
Pei: Bonne nuit!
12Fawlty Towers Episode 3
Bas: Oh, and that er, _________________ er-
Syb: Mrs Peignoir?
Bas: Er, yes, _______________________! Mm!
Pei: Dormez bien, Mr Fawlty!
Bas: How’s Audrey?
Syb: _______________________________________!
Syb: Ah! _______, _______!
Bas: ________________________________________, Sybil!
Syb: ______________________________, Basil?
Bas: _____________________? Sorry, Sybil! Erm, well I’d better _______________
_______________________, Sybil! Ha, ha! I expect it’s some key who forgot to get
________________________ – something like that – hmm, some _____________
___________________! Hah! ____________________, Sybil?
Syb: _______________________!
Bas: Right, well _____________________________ then, Sybil! _____________, Sybil?
Bas: Hello? Hello? Ah!
Man: Olé! Oh, so sorry, Mr Fawlty! Oh, poor Mr Fawlty!
Syb: Basil – are you all right?
Bas: No, I’m dying, but ___________________________!
Man: I hurt you – and you so wonderful to me – ____________________________
______________! Thank you, thank you!
Bas: ______________________, Manuel!
Man: No, no, no, no! _____________________! Is my first one –
Bas: Now listen-
Man: Thank you – ah! Oh, oh, poor Mr Fawlty – so, so sorry, please! Mr Fawlty, _______
______! ________________! You so kind to me, you so good to me! ____________,
_______________!
Syb: Basil, _____________________________________!
Man: ___________________________________________, ________________________
_____________ and four aunties with no-
Maj: Ha, ha, ha!
Bas: Et maintenant – un peu de café?
13Fawlty Towers Episode 3
Pei: Ah, oui, s’il vous plaît, café au lait!
Bas: Café ____________?
Pei: Au lait!
Bas: Ah! Olé – _____________!
Bas: There we are – voilà sommes nous – café pour vous!
Pei: Vous? Pas pour “toi”?
Bas: Er, well _______________________________________________!
Pei: Oh, ________________________!
Bas: Oh, good, good!
Pei: Oh, Mr Fawlty – I forget – er, __________________________________ –
__________________________. _____________________?
Bas: Oh, certainly – I’ll pop up and fix it! ____________________!
Man: For you – and ________________- Oh, no!
Bas: _______________________________!
Man: __________________!
Bas: Go to the kitchen, Manuel!
Man: ___________________!
Bas: Manuel, ________________________________________!
Man: No, no, no!
Bas: _________________, Manuel!
Man: No, please, ____________________ – please!
Bas: Sorry about this! He’s been __________________________________________!
Pol: __________________?
Bas: No, ______________________, thank you, Polly!
Man: Oh, no, oh, Mr, Mr Fawlty! Oh no, please – is too much!
Alan: ________________________, look!
Jean: __________________________!
Bas: ___________________________?
Jean: _______________!
Bas: ____________________________________________!
Alan: No, no, no – _____________________!
Bas: ____________________________________!
14Fawlty Towers Episode 3
Syb: Thank you, Mr Lloyd – and ___________________________________, isn’t it?
Phillip Lloyd: __________________!
Syb: ______________________________________?
Phil: Oh, ______________________, I’m afraid! We’ve got this wedding at half past two!
Syb: Ooh!
Rachel Lloyd: I wonder, ___________________________?
Syb: Oh, please – _________________________!
Rach: Thank you!
Phil: Er, would it be possible to ______________________________________________?
Syb: Certainly – ___________________! I’ll have your bags brought up in a moment!
Phil: Thank you!
Syb: Er, _________________________________________________________?
Rach: Yes, please!
Jean: Mum!
Rach: Hello, darling, hello! Hello, Alan!
Alan: Hello, Rachel!
Jean: Oh, where’s Phillip? __________________________________?
Rach: __________________ – ____________________!
Jean: Oh!
Rach: Oh - could I speak to Mrs Brice, please?
Jean: _______________________________!
Rach: All right, darling!
Alan: ______________________________________________!
Rach: Right oh, love!
Syb: There they are!
Bas: _________________________?
Syb: ___________________________________, Basil!
Bas: ____________________!
Rach: Anne? It’s Rachel Lloyd here! _______________________?
Bas: _________________________________________________!
Rach: Yes, ______________!
Jean: Darling, ______________________ – thank you! Oh! Oh! Oh, lovely!
15Fawlty Towers Episode 3
Bas: Sybil – Sybil! Ah, hello!
Rach: Hello!
Bas: It’s Mrs Lloyd, isn’t it?
Rach: _____________________!
Bas: Ah, how do you do - Fawlty – Basil Fawlty!
Rach: _________________?
Bas: Oh, pretty well, really – ________________________! Hah, hah, hah!
Rach: __________!
Bas: Yes, well we had this door knocked through recently – made – rather a good job of it,
_______________________?
Rach: Yes, yes – ____________________!
Bas: Yes, marvellous – oh, _______________________________ – you know, we used to
have to do the hundred yards through there and back again, but now we can just
_____________________, and er – oh, dear – it isn’t working as well as it usually
does – (laughs) – open it and er, ______________! ________________! Marvellous,
really – you know, sort of simple, but effective! _________________________
______________?
Rach: Well I – I – I-
Bas: See the kitchens, and er-
Rach: _____________________, but I think just now I’d better get upstairs, so _________
________________!
Bas: Aargh! Ah!
Rach: ________________________?
Bas: Ah! Bit of trouble with the old leg – I’d better just _____________________ just for
a moment! Bit of shrapnel – Korean war – ______________________!
Rach: Oh, I see – __________________________?
Bas: No – _____________, _____________! Er, well, _________________________, as
you can see-
Rach: What? I-
Bas: ________________ – yes, we had it plastered about five years ago – we’ve got a few
er, a few cracks up there now but- Oh, er, _______________________ – hah, he’s
just having _________________! He’s Spanish – from Barcelona – you know,
_____________________________, but he’s, he’s fine!
Man: (groans)
16Fawlty Towers Episode 3
Bas: ____________________________________ – anyway, we er, we’ve had a few
cracks up there now, but er, ______________________, er, so as I say, it’s er, it’s,
it’s not the Sistine Chapel, but _______________________________, you know!
Rach: ________________________________?
Bas: Oh yes, yes, ____________, yes!
Rach: __________________________!
Bas: _________? __________?
Rach: Well _________________________?
Bas: _____________ – listen, I just remembered I left your cases ___________________
________________________, erm, er, er, would you mind if I went up and put them
inside there? Unless there’s anything else you’d like to-
Rach: Well _____________________________ we should open-
Bas: No, no, no – _________________________ – _____________________________
______________ – Sybil! So if you, you’d like to er- would you-
________________, _________________!
Phil: ______________!
Pol: _______________________, Mr Lloyd!
Phil: Polly!
Pol: Hello!
Phil: ____________________?
Pol: _________________!
Phil: Oh, ___________________________!
Pol: ____________________________!
Phil: Ho, ho, ho! My dear, dear, dear!
Rach: ________________________________?
Bas: Mrs Lloyd, __________________________________?
Rach: ____________!
Bas: Yes – well ________________________ that I need to explain!
Rach: ________?
Bas: Er, ______________________________?
Rach: Oh, really? __________________________________________?
Bas: _________________________! Thank you!
17Fawlty Towers Episode 3
Bas: Mrs Lloyd, I’m so sorry – but – this is – erm, ________________________ than the
one we’ve given you!
Rach: ___________?
Bas: I’m sorry, I was just saying that _____________________________________
_______________, and I wanted to bring you in here now, and show it to you and
apologise, in case you ___________________________________, and got rather
cross! Now, erm, the point is – what is it? – the point is, if it turns out
____________________________________, erm, then we can always move you in
here, but I don’t think it’s worth doing until you’ve definitely decided that ______
__________________________________, and then we can sort of sit down, a round
table, sort of ___________________, you know, kind of chew it over, and er – and it
would be _______________________ – Bob’s your uncle! OK? Ah – fine! If you’d
er- oh, sorry, sorry! Thank you!
Phil: Er, thank you – thank you very much! __________________________________,
darling! Mm! Darling – darling – _______________________________?
Rach: ___________________________________________ as the one that he tried to-
Pol: Ah, genius! Absolutely smashing!
Jean: ______________________________________!
Pol: No, ______________________!
Alan: ____________, _____________, ______________!
Jean: ______________________?
Pol: Mm! ____________________________________?
Jean: Yeah!
Alan: Lower, lower, low- Ah! Hah, hah – that’s it, that’s it! Oh, _____________________!
________________________! (laughter) Oooh! Very good, very good – ________
____________________________________?
Pol: Ah - so, _____________________________, huh? And thank you – that’s
____________________________________!
Bas: No – no, no, no! No, no, no! No, no, no, no! No!
Bas: Ah, Polly, I want to see you at reception in _________________________________!
Pol: ________________?
Bas: ___________________________________________________________________!
18Fawlty Towers Episode 3
Pol: ______________________?
Bas: No – no, not that - you, you!
Bas: ____________________!
Syb: __________?
Bas: ____________________! I’m sorry, but you’ll have to go – we made a mistake – ___
______________________________________! Hello?
Jean: _______________________________!
Alan: ___________________________, I found him lying on the floor,
_____________________________________!
Bas: I’m sorry but- Ah, there you are! ____________________, have you? Yes, yes, __
___________________________________, mightn’t I? Yes, I see – of course we’re
a bit behind the times down here in Torquay – but I’m sorry – but you’ll have to go!
_____________________________ – all these rooms are taken - I’m so sorry! Well
actually I’m not – so I mean, ____________________________________________,
and well, well to be perfectly blunt, you have a very good time at our expense –
hmm? I mean, _________________________________, hmm? I mean you have had
_________, __________________________, haven’t you? Well not here you don’t!
Oh, no – ___________________________________!
Bas: Well – that’s taken care of that!
Syb: Basil, ________________________? Why did you tell Polly __________________
______________?
Bas: _____________________ – along with the Lloyds, and _______________________
__________________ – I’ve never seen anything like it in my life – my God!
Syb: Basil, _________________________? ____________________________?
Bas: I’ll tell you exactly why they’re leaving – first of all I go up there, and I find that, that
_____________________ – in Lloyd’s arms – _____________________,
__________________________!
Syb: ______________?
Bas: _______ – _________________!
Syb: ___________________________!
Bas: What?
19Fawlty Towers Episode 3
Syb: __________________________________ – _____________________________!
Bas: _____________________________?
Syb: _____________________________ – ___________________________________!
Bas: For years, huh?
Syb: For years!
Bas: ________________________?
Syb: _________________________?
Bas: ________________________________!
Syb: ________________________________?
Bas: Well ______________________________________? Why didn’t you tell me, you
half-wit? Why didn’t they tell me? You can’t blame me for this!
Syb: ____________________________________!
Bas: _________________________________?
Syb: ________________________________!
Bas: Oh, no, no – ______________________________________, isn’t it?
Syb: _____________________ – ________!
Bas: ________________!
Syb: ____________!
Bas: ___________________!
Syb: _______________________!
Bas: ___________________ – __________! Yes, that’s right – leave it to me – let me get
you out of it! Hmm? ___________________________, isn’t it? “Basil Fawlty
Limited – other people’s messes cleared up, by appointment to my wife Sybil”! I
mean, __________________________________?
Syb: ______________________________________!
Bas: Oh, ______________! _______________! Is that what made Britain great? “I’m so
sorry, I made a mistake!” What have you got for brains? Sponge cake?
Bas: Well very nice, very nice – __________________ - _____________________ – I’m
so sorry, I made a mistake – I’m so sorry, I made a mistake – I’m so sorry, I made a
mistake! I’m sorry – I’m so sorry, but ___________________________________!
_______________________________, but she did – she’s made a complete pudding
of the whole thing as usual – it’ll be perfectly all right for you to stay – I’ve sorted it
all out, I’m frightfully sorry, but you know what women are like – they’ve got one
20Fawlty Towers Episode 3
brain between the lot of them – well not all of them, but I mean some of them have,
including my wife! So please, do stay, and see you all later on! Thank you so much!
I’m so sorry, I was just saying, please do stay – my wife made a most dreadful
mistake!
Phil: Yes, I er – __________________________________!
Maj: Evening, Fawlty!
Bas: Ah, evening, Major!
Maj: ____________________________?
Bas: Oh, yes – sorry they’re so late – didn’t get here till five! I’ll have to
_____________________________________!
Maj: Well ___________________________________________?
Bas: Oh, she’s spending the night at Audrey’s – you know, George has walked out on her
again, so ____________________________!
Maj: Still, _____________________________________!
Bas: Well yes, but she makes such a song and dance about it!
Maj: Well you, you don’t like Audrey very much, do you?
Bas: ________________________, __________________!
Maj: Well I, I think it’s very decent of your wife to go round there and to _____________
__________________________!
Bas: Couldn’t do without it, Major!
Maj: ___________________________, Mrs Fawlty!
Bas: No, no, _______________________!
Maj: No, _______________! Goodnight, er, Fawlty!
Bas: Goodnight Major!
Pei: Ah, Mr Fawlty!
Bas: Ah, _________________ – _____________!
Pei: No, no, _______________________________ – I love Chopin!
Bas: Oh, really? Hah, hah – _______________________!
Pei: Ah, it’s, ________________________!
Bas: Yes, yes, ________________!
Pei: ______________________________, Mr Fawlty?
Bas: Aah – God, no!
21Fawlty Towers Episode 3
Pei: Well, ____________________! I think ____________________________________
throbs a passion that would make Lord Byron look like a tobacconist!
Bas: Ah, no way – no, sorry!
Pei: Ah, don’t look so bashful – _______________________________________!
Bas: (laughs)
Pei: And ______________________________________________?
Bas: Oh, she’s er, _______________________________________________!
Pei: Mm!
Bas: Oh, ____________ – ______________________!
Pei: _______________________, eh?
Bas: Oh, hardly, no – ________________________, er- Ah! Well, goodnight!
Pei: Bonne nuit! Oh, Mr Fawlty-
Bas: Yes?
Pei: ______________________________?
Bas: Oh! Er, damn!
Pei: Oh, ___________________, please – _________________________!
Bas: Yes, yes – OK – right! Oh!
Bas: ___________________!
Pei: Ah, ______________________!
Bas: Oh, well, I’m sure you are too, __________________________!
Pei: _______________________________________________!
Bas: Oh, well, ___________________________________!
Pei: Ha, ha, ha, ha! Mr Fawlty, __________________________!
Bas: Oh, __________________! Oh, well-
Pei: Oh, do you feel that breeze? ____________________________?
Bas: Yes, _____________, isn’t it?
Pei: I shall sleep au naturel tonight!
Bas: ________________ – ___________!
Pei: Only – ________________________________________!
Bas: Oh well – ___________________________________! Hah! Ooh! Twinge from the
old leg – better go and lie down! Good night!
Pei: Good night!
Bas: Damn shrapnel!
22Fawlty Towers Episode 3
Man: (groans)
Bas: Er, _________________?
Pei: Ah, Mr Fawlty!
Bas: Hello!
Pei: I’m so sorry, but ______________________________________ – could I have a call
___________________________, please?
Bas: Oh, ________________! _____________? _______________, ________________!
Pei: ____________________________!
Bas: Oh, really? Ah!
Pei: ________________________________________!
Bas: Did I? Damn – well, there you go!
Pei: Your recorder!
Bas: Oh – thank you!
Pei: ____________________________!
Bas: Well __________________________!
Pei: __________________________________________________________, didn’t you?
Bas: (laughs)
Pei: ___________________________________________________________________!
Bas: I should co-co!
Pei: ______________________! Goodnight!
Bas: Goodnight!
Bas: Look – ____________________! _______________________________!
Syb: ______________________!
Bas: ____________ – _____________! My wife has just got back unexpectedly – she’s in
the bathroom! What, dear? Er, I think you’ll find it __________________________,
Sybil darling!
Syb: ____________________, Basil!
Bas: Look, you’ll meet somebody else sooner or later!
Syb: Basil!
Bas: ______________________________! ________________________________?
________?
23Fawlty Towers Episode 3
Syb: __________________!
Bas: ____________, ____________, you silly tart – ___________________!
________________________________!
Syb: ___________________________!
Bas: Oh, ______________________________________!
Syb: There’s a burglar downstairs!
Bas: ______________________, did he?
Syb: ____________________________________!
Bas: What?
Syb: _____________________, _____________!
Man: (groans)
Bas: Manuel?
Phil: ______________________________________!
