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Math Jokes

I failed every subject except for algebra.

How did you keep from failing that ?

I didn't take algebra !

Teacher: Are you good at math ?

Pupil: Yes and no

Teacher: What do you mean ?

Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at math !

Dad, can you help me find the lowest common denominator in this

problem please ?

Don't tell me that they haven't found it yet, I remember looking for it when I

was a boy !

Teacher: Did you parents help you with these homework problems ?

Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself !

Teacher, I can't solve this problem.

Any five year old should be able to solve this one.

No wonder I can't do it then, I'm nearly ten !

Teacher: That's good

Pupil: Good ?, that's perfect !

Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4 ?

Pupil: That's not fair you answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard

one !

Teacher: How much is half of 8

Pupil: Up and down or across ?

Teacher: What do you mean ?

Pupil: Well,up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0

Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once.

How much is six plus 4 ?

Class: At once !

If there are ten cats in a boat and one jumps out, how many are

left ?

None, they were all copycats !

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Math Trivia

Q: What Greek math whiz noticed that the morning star and evening starwere one and the same, in 530 B.C.?A: Pythagoras.

Q: What's a polygon with four unequal sides called?A: A quadrilateral.

Q: What's a flat image that can be displayed in three dimensions?A: A hologram.

Q: What T-word is defined in geometry as "a straight line that touches a

curve but continues on with crossing it"?A: Tangent.

Q: What geometrical shape forms the hole that fits and allen wrench?A: The hexagon.

Q: What number is an improper fraction always greater than?A: One.

Q: What two letters are both symbols for 1,000?A: K and M.

Q: What's short for "binary digit"?A: Bit.

Q: What century did mathematicians first use plus and minus signs?A: The sixteenth.

Q: What number, a one followed by 100 zeros, was first used by nine-year-old Milton Sirotta in 1940?A: Googol.

Q: What handy mathematical instrument's days were numbered when thepocket calculator made the scene in the 1970s?A: The Slide rule's.

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Math Songs

InequalityYesterday, equations seemed an easy game to play.

Now I see things in a different way:

I see inequality.

Suddenly, single answers simply will not say

What the situation should display:

Its an inequality.

Why we have to shade, now I know it shows the way.

I can test a point then decide where answers lay

Now I say, inequalities are the best way

To show exactly what you want to say.

Oh, I trust inequalities.

Math Poem

My mind is turning into scrambled eggs!What is x and y to the power of three?

Whole numbers, mixed numbers and absolute,

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exponents, integers and factoring trees.

Terms, expressions and what is the root?It all sounds like Greek to me.

I must write a poem for another class.Im running out of time much too fast.

So Ill talk about digits and my reaction,

while I attempt to work these equations.

Mixed operations in an expressionmust be done in the following manner.

Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally,to help me remember the proper order.

Parentheses, exponents, multiplication,addition or subtraction,

that is the order of proper actionfor solving math, numbers and fractions.

With fractions when I multiply

it is best to quickly simplify,the denominators remain the same

these do not need to change.

If fractions I add or subtractI must remember it works like this,

each denominator must be the samethen add the top like a list.

Multiply two positives they remain just that.Two negatives will spoil the batch.Mixed signs will keep the minus too,keep this in mind or stay confused.

I wish that I could remember moreBut that is as far as I have gotten.

Off to bed I must go,or tomorrow I will feel rotten.

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Math Prayer

Lord God, we thank you for the number of waysfor the gifts

being ADDED and for the sins you have SUBTRACTED.Thank you

for the blessings you have MULTIPLIED and the families you never

DIVIDE. For the intersecting roads we see, may we find the right

way to be. May we face them all in glee, In your GLORY let it be

The life you gave us is like a circle, which we travel with all our

might. This proves that you are the center of our lives and the

ENDPOINT of the MILE. May each of our problems have a solution

that well thry to solve each dayPlease send us the formula so

we may find the SOLUTION for themI pray too to the HOLY

SPIRIT 1+1+1 is ONE. Be the CENTER, INTERIOR and EXTERIOR of

this circular life we soar. You are the BASE of all GOODNESSthe

ROOT of all RIGHTEOUSNESSyour POWER is to the tenth. Guide

this life to us you lentYou are really NUMBER ONE! Amen.

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Math Quotation

If you disregard the very simplest cases, there is in all of

mathematics not a single infinite series whose sum has been

rigorously determined. In other words,the most important parts of

mathematics stand without a foundation.

"The notion of infinity is our greatest friend; it is also thegreatest enemy of our peace of mind." -- James Pierpont

"The infinite! No other question has ever moved soprofoundly the spirit of man." -- David Hilbert

"[Paradoxes of the infinite arise] only when we attempt, withour finite minds, to discuss the infinite, assigning to it those

properties which we give to the finite and limited;" -- GalileoGalilei

"The infinite in mathematics is always unruly unless it isproperly treated." -- Edward Kasner and James Newman

"God created infinity, and man, unable to understand infinity,had to invent finite sets."