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Once Upon a Time

Writing Effective Narratives

+Narrative Openings

Read the beginning paragraph(s) of each of the sample stories.

For each opening, write 2-3 sentences with your observations: Identify the point of view the story is

written in.Describe the setting, atmosphere, and

characters you learned about in the opening.

Evaluate whether you want to keep reading as a result of this opening.

+Narrative Openings

Bartholomew and the Oobleck by Dr. SuessThey still talk about it in the Kingdom of Didd as The-Year-the-King-Got-Angry-with-the-Sky. And they still talk about the page boy, Bartholomew Cubbins. If it hadn’t been for Bartholomew Cubbins, that King and that Sky would have wrecked that little Kingdom.

Sundiata: Lion King of Mali by David WisniewskiListen to me, children of the Bright Country, and hear the great deeds of ages past. The words I speak are those of my father and his father before him, pure and full of truth. For we are griots. Centuries of law and learning reside within our minds. Thus we serve kings with the wisdom of history, bringing to life the lessons of the past so that the future may flourish.

Listen, then, to the story of Sundiata, the Lion King, who overcame all things to walk with greatness.

The Making of a Knight by Patrick O’Brien“I am Sir James! I have come to fight for England!” James burst into his father’s room, his wooden sword slashing in the air before him. He imagined he was wearing a suit of shining armor, traveling the countryside in search of adventure.

+Narrative Openings

An effective narrative opening should:

Engage the reader

Establish a context

Establish a point of view

+Narrative Openings: Engage the Reader

Ways to hook the reader:Make the reader feel some emotion: anger, excitement, fear, pity, sadness, humor , shock, etc.

Use dialogueInclude entertaining descriptionsAdd mystery; make your reader curious what will happen

+Narrative Openings: Context

Using your narrative research, include some of the following in your narrative opening: The setting: the when and where The atmosphere: the what

Including some context helps your reader instantly understand when and where the story might be; it’s like giving them sign posts to let them know where they are.

Do not directly tell the reader these details. Hint at them through your description and dialogue. Your reader should have to make inferences!

+Narrative Openings

Are the following narrative openings enough to grab your attention? Edgar, the newest squire to Lord Hasselhoff, hadn’t meant

to start a fire in the castle’s kitchen. Of course, he planned to blame it on the steward.

Jimmy was a page in a castle in the Middle Ages. Hilda searched through the waste after market day. The

muddy streets smelled awful, but she hadn’t eaten in days. “Look at that beautiful lady,” Sir Winchester whispered to

his squire. “I wonder if she will be at the tournament tomorrow.”

Djallan was the name of a prince in Konate. From the day he was born, Djallan bore the curse of the evil

sorcerer Mansa Konkon. Though his long robes covered the scars, Djallan could never hide his shame.

+Practice Narrative Openings

Write several versions of the opening for your narrative, attempting different details for the context and ways of engaging the reader.

+Narrative Openings: Point of ViewHow are the following different?I couldn’t believe that my parents were actually

going to make me marry a slimy, ugly, bulgy-eyed frog!

The princess worried every minute of every day, trying to think of a way to get out of her promise.

Once upon a time there was a princess who would have been perfectly happy except for one thing: In a moment of weakness, she had promised to marry a frog. Her father felt sorry for her, but he insisted that she keep her word.

+Narrative Openings: Point of View

Point of view refers to the perspective (a character’s thoughts and feelings) from which the author tells the story.

Point of view should be consistent throughout the story.

+Narrative Openings: Point of View First person: the point of view of one character, “I”I worried every minute of every day, trying to

think of a way to get out of my promise.

Third person limited: narrator tells the point of view of one character; “he”, “she”, “it”, “they” The princess tried desperately to get out of her promise.

Third Person omniscient: all knowing, narrator gives the point of view of many characters Once upon a time there was a princess who would have

been perfectly happy except for one thing: In a moment of weakness, she had promised to marry a frog. Her father felt sorry for her, but he insisted that she keep her word.

+Narrative Openings: Point of ViewWhat is the p.o.v. of each story?Bartholomew and the Oobleck by Dr. Seuss

“Bartholomew had seen the King get angry many, many times before. But that year when His Majesty started growling at the sky, Bartholomew Cubbins just didn’t know what to make of it.”

Third person limited

Good Masters! Sweet Ladies! by Laura Amy Schlitz“I am Jacob ben Saloman, son of the Jew.”First person

+Narrative Openings: Point of ViewWhat is the p.o.v. of each story?Sundiata: Lion King of Mali by David

Wisniewski“But the new prince, Sundiata, though

blessed by the spirits of buffalo and lion, proved unable to speak or walk. At this, Sassouma Berete rejoiced. For seven years Sogolon tried in vain to heal her son with potions and herbs. Sundiata dragged himself through the palace, ignored by some, ridiculed by others. His mother was heartbroken and his father despaired.

Third person omniscient

+Narrative Techniques: Description

When writing a narrative: show, don’t tell. “The peasant was very frightened.” The peasant nearly jumped out of his bright

green stockings; he screeched and crouched down in terror.

Try re-writing the following to be more descriptive: The king was very disrespectful to the court

jester. The princess was sad.

+Narrative Techniques: Description

Sensory adjectives: sight, sound, taste, smell, touch “Up from their musty hole beneath the dungeon, up the empty

midnight tunnel to the royal bedchamber tower, came the magicians on their padded, shuffling feet.”

“Make magic smoke, green, thick and hot! (It sure smells dreadful, does it not?)”

Strong verbs “To the trumpeter’s tower raced Bartholomew Cubbins, and on

up the steps four at a time…He yanked the covers off the snoring trumpeter. He shoved his cold trumpet right into his sleepy hands.”

Similes: comparisons with “like” or “as” “At first the oobleck seemed like a little greenish cloud…” “The oobleck was battering and spattering against the walls as

big as greenish buckets full of gooey asparagus soup.”

+Narrative Techniques: Dialogue

Dialogue Tags:Dialogue tags let the reader know who is talking.

Dialogue tags can be at the beginning, middle or end of dialogue.

Use strong verbs: avoid boring dialogue tags like he said and she asked; instead try she giggled, he interrupted, they pleaded.

+Narrative Techniques: Dialogue

Dialogue Rules: Indent (start a new paragraph) each time someone new is speaking. Use quotations marks to surround spoken words. Add punctuation between the dialogue and the tag. If the dialogue is

before the tag, the punctuation is inside the quotes. If the tag is before the dialogue, put a comma before the quotation marks. “I don’t know what to do about the lack of food in this kitchen,”

moaned the peasant. “Fetch me some water for this fire, page boy!” screeched the

knight. “Where can a knight get a good meal around here?” inquired Sir

Galahad. Sir Gawain demanded, “Tell me where that gold is hidden!” “No,” stated the princess, “I will not be going to the royal stables

today.”

+Practice Narrative Techniques: Dialogue

Practice adding the punctuation, quotation marks, and tags to following sentences:

I can’t go to the royal ball because I have no way to get there

Will you be participating in the joust tomorrow

There are flames bursting from the royal kitchen

The king ordered the court jester executed

I say we dig our way out of this musty dungeon

+Narrative Techniques: Description and Dialogue

Description and Dialogue: Help a reader visualize the story Develop characters Develop plot events (conflict, climax, resolution)

When you add dialogue and description, reflect on these purposes. You want every word in your story to matter!

+Revising for Description and Dialogue

Using a purple pen, circle at least three places in your narrative that could use more descriptions. Write your descriptions on the skipped lines to add in your final draft. Reference your list of sensory words.

Using a blue ben, circle any dialogue tags in your story. If they are weak verbs, write in strong verbs to use instead. Reference your list of special tags.

Using a red pen, check the punctuation of all dialogue in your story. If necessary, add quotation marks and punctuation. If you didn’t indent, draw in red arrows to remind yourself for the final draft.

+Revising for Description and Dialogue

The King got out of his bed sheets. By my

whiskers, it is he said. Oh that Oobleck! And it’s

mine! All mine! I don’t like the looks of those blobs,

Sire said Bartholomew. They’re bigger now.

+Revising for Description and Dialogue

The King got out of his bed sheets. “By my ^sprang ^royal whiskers, it is,” he said. “Oh that Oobleck! And it’s ^royal whiskers ^he cried.mine! All mine!” “I don’t like the looks of those blobs,

Sire,” said Bartholomew. “They’re bigger now.”

^worried Bartholomew.

+Revising for Description and Dialogue

The King sprang out of his royal bed sheets.“By my whiskers, it is!” he cried. “Oh that

Oobleck! And it’s mine! All mine!”“I don’t like the looks of those blobs, Sire,”

worried Bartholomew. “They’re as big as greenish peanuts now.”

+Narrative Techniques: Pacing and Transitions

Pace your narrative by balancing events with description; don’t go too fast or too slow.

Use transitions along with pacing to help orient the reader and keep them on track.

Use pacing and transitions: To show the order of events To move from one time or place to another To show the relationship between events

+Narrative Conclusions

Narrative conclusions should cause the reader to reflect on the story and life.

Create narrative conclusions with the change that a character experiences or the lesson he/she learns.

For each of the following stories, examine the author’s conclusion. Explain what the author most likely intends the reader to be

reflecting on. How does the author achieve this effect?

+Narrative Conclusions

Sundiata: Lion King of Mali by David Wisniewski

Sundiata spoke softly and Balla Fasseke conveyed his words to the multitude. “Hatred drove me from this land,” he said, “because of what I seemed to be: a crawling child, unworthy of respect and unfit to rule. Mali has suffered great hardship as a result.

“Now I return as your king. Henceforth, none shall interefere with another’s destiny. You, your children, and your children’s children shall find their appointed place within this land forever.”

This came to pass, and Sundiata, the Lion King, ruled the Bright Country for many golden years.

+Narrative Conclusions

Bartholomew and the Oobleck by Dr. SeussMaybe there was something magic in those simple words, “I’m sorry.”Maybe there was something magic in those simple worlds, “It’s all my

fault.”Maybe there was, and maybe there wasn’t. But they say that as soon as

the old King spoke them, the sun began to shine and fight its way through the storm. They say that the falling oobleck blobs grew smaller and smaller and smaller.

They say that all the oobleck that was stuck on all the people and on all the animals of the Kingdom of Didd just simply, quietly melted away.

And then, they say, Bartholomew took the old King by the sleeve……and led him up the steps of the high bell tower. He put the bell rope into

His Majesty’s royal hands and the King himself rang the holiday bell.Then the King proclaimed a brand-new national holiday… in honor of the

four perfect things that come down from the sky.The King now knew that these four old-fashioned things…the rain, the

sunshine, the fog and the snow…were good enough for any king in all the world, especially for him, old King Derwin of Didd.

+Revising for Transitions and Conclusion

Using a black pen, underline the transitions you already have. In the skipped lines, add any new transitions using your list provided.

Read your conclusion to see if your ending is reflective and provides a lesson for the character or reader. If so, double underline this lesson. If not, add an additional paragraph that sums up the

message of the story.

+Works Cited

Steele, Phillip. The Medieval World. New York, NY: Kingfisher, 2006.

O’Brien, Patrick. The Making of a Knight: How Sir James of a Knight. Watertown, MA: Charlesbridge, 1998.

Schlitz, Laura Amy. Good Masters! Sweet Ladies! Voices from a Medieval Village. Somerville, MA: Candlewick Press, 2007.

Seuss, D. Bartholomew and the Oobleck. New York: Random House, 1976.

Wisniewski, David. Sundiata: Lion King of Mali. New York: Clarion Books, 1992.