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Day 2 AM Objectives

• Purposeful communication– Who are you talking to you and why?

(internal, external, client, team, awareness of levels/hierarchy)

– Building a common terminology/vocabulary

• Conflict management at the CxO level – – Leader to leader– Getting the behaviors that you want

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Attaining the Next Level in Leadership

Communication

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Purposeful Communication

• Who are you talking to and why?• Why are we here?• Law of agendas

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Skill 1 - Active ListeningAvoid Interference

• Distractions• Closed mind• Interrupting• Jumping to conclusions• Prejudice• Thinking Speed

Listen Actively• Posture• Open-ended questions &

“I” statements• Pause• Integrate• Paraphrase and Reflect• Summarize

Ideas

Feelings

Choose

Words

Non-

Verbal

Actions

Speak Hear

Know

Words

Non-

Verbal

Actions

Ideas

Feelings

Noise

Distractions

Poor Connections

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Skill 2 - Clear Communication

• The 5 questions, from Simplicity– What exactly do you want me to do?– Why is it important?– What’s in it for me? For us?– What tools and support are available?– How will I be measured?

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The Contingency Model

• A Theory of Leadership Effectiveness, F. E. Fiedler, McGraw-Hill, 1967

• Addresses– Leaders’ general behavioral tendencies– Situations where certain leaders (or

behavioral dispositions) may be more effective than others

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Overview

• Assumes that group performance depends on– Leadership style, described in terms of task motivation

and relationship motivation

– Situational favorableness, determined by three factors:

1 Leader-member relations

2 Task structure

3 Position power

– High levels of these three factors give the most favorable situation

• Relationship- and task-motivated leaders’ effectiveness will vary according to the situation

• Suggests leaders change their situation vs. style

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Leader Member RelationsLeast-Preferred Coworker Scale

Pleasant - - - - - - - - - Unpleasant 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Friendly - - - - - - - - - Unfriendly 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Accepting - - - - - - - - - Rejecting 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Interesting - - - - - - - - - Boring 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

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LPC Results

• Low LPC Leaders– Primarily motivated by task

accomplishment

• High LPC Leaders– Primarily motivated by personal

relationships

• Leaders move to secondary level of motivation only after satisfying primary

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Situation Favorability

L e a d er-M em b erR e la tio ns

T a skS truc tu re

P o s it ionP o w er

S itu a tio n Fa vo ra b ility

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Performance Correlations

GoodGood

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PoorPoor

HighHigh HighHighLowLow LowLow

StrongStrong WeakWeak StrongStrong WeakWeak StrongStrong WeakWeak StrongStrong WeakWeak

Leader-Leader-MemberMemberRelationsRelations

TaskTaskStructureStructure

PositionPositionPowerPower

Predicted Effective Leadership StylePredicted Effective Leadership Style

22 33 44 55 66 77 88Low LPCLow LPC

High LPCHigh LPCLowLow LPCLPC

Middle LPCMiddle LPC

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Contingency Theoryand the Interactional Framework

Followers Situation

Leader

Task structure

Position Power

Leader-member relations

Motivation hierarchy

(LPC score)

Desired Outcomes:• Effective group

performance

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#1-- The Law of Agendas

When you get in the car, make sure you’re sitting behind the wheel.

People who control the program and timelines are in the best position to influence the path taken to achieve the desired results. Master influencers know that if you control the agenda, you have more say over the outcome.

Those who control the program and set the deadlines are in the best position to influence the path taken to achieve their goals.

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Agendas

Action Plan (detailed steps to be taken) to achieve goals. Sharing your agenda with others can be a powerful way to influence the achievement of your goals. This is often a key factor in establishing unity and trust. This tends to help decrease the timeline of the influencing process.Read Operation OverlordThe result: D-Day Invasion of Normandy

How can you use this influencing strategy to positively influence how meetings are run?

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Introduction to Language

The Impact of Language

“Throughout your life you will be judged on your command of language, it is imperative to understand that the better you communicate, the more successful you will become.”

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Introduction to Language

Language Pattern“Powerful communicators and leadersunderstand that language usage isvital for peak performance. Effectivelanguage usage and grammar are themaster keys to persuasion, influence,clarity, and control of your world.”

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Introduction to Language

Influencing Strategies “Your command of the English

language and your skill at conveying messages sends a message to those around you. When you communicate clearly, effectively, and confidently others look to you for guidance. When you don’t, people discount your ideas and suggestions.”

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Effects of Ambiguities on the Influencing Process

Ambiguities –• In Composition• In Context• In Content

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The pie chart below is based on research completed by Mehrabian and Ferris [1].Albert Mehrabian's studies on communication state that listeners give the most weight to the speaker’s facial expressions and body language—posture, gestures, eye contact and facial expressions.  

 

Components of Communication

Tonality

Words

BodyLanguage

The chart shows that next most important aspect in the communication loop is the vocal quality of the message (voice pitch and the speed (pace or tempo) of the delivery).

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RAPPORT = TRUSTBody Language and Rapport We trust people who are like ourselves.  We emulate people we respect and trust.We act in a similar manner to people we like to do business with and expect certain behavior patterns to be adhered to in business situations. Body language and rapport are predominant factors in decision making in most business situations.   "Studies show that the first person to be hired in a company is the one most like the boss and the first one that will be terminated is the one least like the boss." —Harvard Business Journal 

Building trust and rapport is of paramount importance during the communication loop.

Body Language

and Rapport

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Trust Building Techniques

Mirroring, Matching & Cross-over Pacing

Body language may not mean the same thing to everyone. Pay close attention to the message you are sending.

Be aware that you may incorrectly interpret other people's body language

You may incorrectly receive the messages they wish to send because of your history in reading another person's body language signals.

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RAPPORT

Pick up rapport signalsPick up rapport signals quickly so that quickly so that you have time to change tactics before you have time to change tactics before

they lose interest.they lose interest.

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Mirroring and Matching

Rapport is based on mirroring and matching a person's behavior, both verbally and non-verbally. In order to gain the strongest rapport possible, one should act like the other person, speak like they do, breathe simultaneously and use similar movements or gestures.

The goal of mirroring and matching is to make it a habit during situations and to become consciously aware when something changes or when you create disharmony.

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Doing what the other person is doing so that it appears as though they are looking in a mirror.

Mirroring

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Doing what the other person is doing but with the opposite side of your body (if they move their right hand, you move your right hand). 

Matching

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Mirror and Match using Vocal Qualities

What are some of the methods employed to build trust and rapport with tonality? Pitch? Jargon? Tempo? Pay close attention to the message you are sending. Could you seem patronizing if you slip into a colloquial accent when others know you have never lived there. In research, the most common – Southern accent is very easy to emulate.

Be aware that you may incorrectly interpret other people's vocal quality signals. Have you ever been annoyed by someone’s vocal qualities? Which ones are most annoying? Why?

You may incorrectly receive the messages they wish to send because of your history in reading another person's vocal qualities. Did your worst enemy in high school have a British accent? Does a high pitched voice remind you of an annoying person? Why should you question your read?

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Cross Over Pacing

Using a different channel altogether than the one they are using. Crossover

pacing is more covert and harder to detect than mirroring and matching.

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50/50 Rule for Rapport

To attain physiological rapport quickly, 50% of your body should be in harmony- mirroring and matching or crossover pacing the other person 50% of the time.

FAQ -- Won't the other person realize what you are doing and think that you are doing something funny?"FAQ -- Often, you are in a room with more than one person. How would you use these techniques to gain rapport?

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Pacing

The art of gaining rapport. Establishing the bridge through rapport and

respect into another person’s model of the world.

The word we use to combine the technique of mirroring, matching and crossover pacing.

Talking about or doing something that is the same as the other person/people is/are doing OR relating something that is verifiably true in a person's ongoing sensory experience.

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Leading

Doing something different from the other person in the communication loop.

Talking about or relating to something that the other person does not believe to be true and/or has not had experience with in their world. Note: The goal of leading is to change your behavior so that the other person

in the communication loop follows.

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Pacing and Leading

By combining pacing and leading, you will effectively control the level of rapport during the meeting. By controlling the level of rapport, you effectively control the tension level.

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Rapport Builds BridgesIf rapport allows you to build a bridge into another person’s model of the world, at some point during the communication loop you will cross over into their world and over to the other person’s point of understanding. You have established contact with their world. With rapport established, you can

start to change your behavior so they will follow you into your world. The bridge goes both ways. You can lead them in another direction by entering your world and bringing them across the bridge you have built when trust and rapport are high.

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Testing for Rapport Through Leading

Pace (mirror/match/cross-over pace) until you instinctively feel that you can start to lead (do something different with your body language); if your subject of influence follows your movements, you have attained rapport with that prospect.

 Remember: You can never lead someone

over a bridge without first building the bridge.

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Mismatching Rapport to Close the Deal

The tension level during the interview is extremely important. Gaining rapport by using pacing will create an especially high level of rapport. Sometimes you will find that you gain so much rapport that the time you have allowed for your meeting passes without accomplishing much business. Always remember that too much rapport with a client can be just as bad as too little rapport. Control the tension level during every stage of your meeting.  

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Non-verbal rapport is the unconscious agreement between people. Conscious mind—- everything you are aware of at the present moment.

Unconscious mind—everything that you are not aware of at the present moment. NOTE: Most things that you are unconscious of happen automatically (habits, body responses and pre-taught responses that are done without thinking). 

Non-Verbal Rapport

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Verbal Language Skills

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The Language of Influence & Communication

Where (and how) did we learn to communicate?

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Power Words and PhrasesAbsolutely or absolutely falseBe a fool to pass upBeyond my controlBargainBuyCannotCan't do itCheap/cheapestCostlyCut rate—cut to the boneDon't askDon't know

ExpensiveGet back to meHave toImpossibleInadvertentlyIt's our policyNever againNo choiceNot my faultOnly onceThink it overSacrificeSpend

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Absolutes

Absolutes are defined as statements of fact that are true for every situation and cannot be refuted.

It is always your next move.NAPOLEON HILL

Knowing that you have complete control of your thinking you will recognize the power…

MIKHAIL STRABO 

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GeneralitiesGeneralities are broad-based statements that promote:     * Ways of thinking    *   Practices     *  Processes and/or beliefs Generalities are statements that are acceptable or applicable in most situations. Note: Speaking in generalities can create confusion.

 We tend to get what we expect.NORMAN VINCENT PEALE

Few people have any plan, they live from hand to mouth, and are always at the end of their line.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON

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Absolutes and GeneralitiesAbsolutesStatements (or words) that cannot be refuted and are statements of fact that are true for every situation.

GeneralitiesGeneralities are broad-based statements that promote ways of thinking.

EveryAllAlways

Just aboutProbablySometimes

Exercise – In small groups, come up with as many pairs of absolutes and generalities as you can in 10 minutes. Can you break the code?

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Parts of Speech in English

Summary of Characteristics

Subject, Verb, Object Ineffective “I” Hedges Stop Playing Tag!

43Summary of Characteristics

Nouns The name of a person, place, thing, relationship, etc.

Pronoun A word used in place of a noun Verb or Predicate

A word indicating action, state, or being -s, -ing, -ed

Adjective A word qualifying, making more exact, the meaning of a noun -able, -ible, -al, -ant, -ary, -ic, -sh, -ous

Adverb A word modifying a verb, adjective, or another adverb -ly, -wise

Preposition

A word relating a noun to another word; joining a phrase to a word or sentence

Conjunction

A word joining two words, phrases, clauses, or sentences

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Subject, Verb, Object

Remember—Powerful communication retains the strongest language pattern

“A man is not free who is not master of himself.”—EPICTETUS

“What is freedom? Freedom is the right to choose. The right to create for one alternatives of choice.”

ARCHIBALD MacLEISH

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Ineffective “I”

Ineffective “I” sentences are based on your personal perception. Your perception can be easily dismissed as just your opinion.–       I think... –        I feel...–        I have a problem with... –        I like...–        I noticed...–        I believe...–        I don't have...–        I heard...

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Action or Emotional Involvement

All these sentences convey the emotion ratherthan action!

Emotional "you” and “ I" Like (or do not like)

I really like the way you... Want (or don't want)

I want to make sure...  Feel

How they feel about...? What are your feelings

about...? Need

I need to convey... 

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Hedges

Simple hedges 

        You shouldn't...         Well...        Sort of...        I’d like to see…        In my opinion...        The way I see it...        I know that it…        It may sound silly but I think…        I'd like to add... 

Self-Deprecating hedges 

I'm not sure... I’m not sure I know all the answers but…I’m really not happy with the way things turned out but…I guess I’m trying to say…I guess I mean…I’m pretty sure… I guess...I'm not an expert, but…

Hedges make you look indecisive. They give the perception that you doubt your ability to think autonomously. Hedges make you appear submissive.

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Stop Playing Tag!

Tag = Question at the end of the sentence or statement

..., isn't it?

..., don't you think?

..., right?

..., okay?

..., don't they?

..., see what I'm saying?

..., you know what I mean?

Exception: useful as a power play.

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Verbal Challenge

However

However

25¢

25¢

25¢ ...

ButBut

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The Power of Silent Communication

People need time to process information in order to formulate new beliefs.

During the influencing process, allow them enough time to do this!