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CURSED EMOJISB Y K L N S T A F F

LAMERS GAMERS: POKÉMON SWORD ANDSHIELD INFO!B Y G E O R G E

Yo another Pokémon thing from me but I'm going to go overeverything we know. This article was made October 30th, sothe game isn't out as of writing this but I'm going over all theinfo we have. So starting off, we got the starters, Scorbunny, afire rabbit, Sobble, a sad water lizard boi, and Grookey thegrass monkey starter. But wait! Move over Starters we alsohave new pokémon. Wooloo, a fluffy sheep grass flowerpeople and crunch water turtle. There was a leak about anelectric pupper named Yamper. Alcreamy was also releasedand Impadimp has been teased for so long. Dynamax wasreleased and it makes pokémon bigger. Gigantimax makes thepokémon bigger and changes their appearance. Pikachu,Eevee, Charizard, and others got their versions. Anyways, bigepic looking game, Imma yeet.

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DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDND(GEORGE'S D&D CAMPAIGN)

B Y G E O R G EI L L U S T R A T E D B Y A N O N Y M O U S

So I'm going to talk about a D&D campaign I'm in. The people in itare me (character name George), Izzy (Owonia), Sam (Shigiarki),Alicia (Nirvana) and a few others. so we start in a tavern and ourfriend Anthony's pet was captured. So we ran over, freed it, andwent our way. There was a guy selling a boat. The guy had ahellhound and we later realized that he captured exotic animals fora zoo. We now were on the run from the government. We startedsailing with, like, not enough food. So we were trying to go to aclose-by island for food but Triton stopped us for help. Their magicbarrier was failing so we have to help.

MORE DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDHORDE OF THE DRAGON QUEENPART 1

B Y B U C K Y

So my Dungeon Master was running a pre-made Dungeons andDragons campaign for my school D&D group. The name of saidcampaign was Hoard of the Dragon Queen, but unfortunately, thisstory was considered relatively bad. So my DM put his own spin onit and added his own stuff. So here's how it went:Our party was a Dwarf paladin named Thormar, an Elf Rangernamed Felara, a half-orc barbairan named Stormwar, and me, ahuman wizard named Adrian Glock. Our party gathered in thedestroyed town of Greenest. You see, the town was being burneddown by a dragon and destroyed by bandits. So naturally, we ranin headfirst. We got in a conflict against some particularly angrybandits. I realized we likely would lose the fight, so I cast a spell. Itshot a bolt of fire from my fingertips at a tree. The tree fell overand crushed three of the bandits, allowing us to escape. Afterexploring for a couple hours, we found ourselves at thetownmaster's hall. We decided to enter. In the kitchen we met thefrightened townmast, who enlisted our help. The town was beingquickly destroyed. He asked us if we could help out by putting outfires with buckets. Very intimidating. We agreed (because we'resuch good Samaritans). So we got our buckets and headed to thetown sewer, unaware of what we were getting ourselves into... THE STORY WILL CONTINUE IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF THE ZINE!

MUSICAL REVIEW: SIXB Y N O R AI L L U S T R A T E D B Y A N O N Y M O U S

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So I started reading this kind of cliche but really goodbook called Hello Girls by Brittany Cavallaro and EmilyHenry. It's similar to a written version of the movieThelma and Louise, and I love it! It's about WinonaOlsen, the daughter of newscaster Stormy Olsen, andLucille Pryce, a waitress barely earning enough moneyfor her dysfunctional family. The main characters go ona road trip to escape their problems, while alsocommitting crimes. At home, Stormy tried to controlWinona's life, keeping locks on the pantries, controllingher wardrobe, and abusing her when she did anythingwrong. Lucille is trying to keep her poor family togethereven as her drug-dealing, lazy, childish brother keepscops watching their home. So they leave, with a trail ofshoplifting, gambling, and general crime-committingbehind them.

GOOD BOOK REVIEW: HELLO GIRLSB Y I Z Z Y

Divorced. Beheaded. Died. Divorced. Beheaded. Survived. Outof context, this line makes no sense. In context, a musical aboutthe six wives of Henry VIII, it makes a bit more sense. A bit. Mostpeople know that King Henry VIII of England had six wives andhe cut their heads off. The smarter members of our communityknow that he had three children, two girls, one boy, and theywould all rule England one day. Fans of this musical (or peoplewho have nothing better to do with their life) know that his sixwives were, Catherine of Aragon, Anne Boylen, Jane Seymour,Anne of Cleves, Catherine Howard, and Catherine Parr andthat only two got their heads cut off. We all saw musicals abouthistory so beautifully realized with Lin-Manuel Miranda’sHamilton about founding father Alexander Hamilton. (If youhaven’t listened to it yet, go do that. Please.) SIX, however,goes back 200 years earlier (kinda). In this musical, the sixwives have started a pop group. (It’s better than it sounds, Ipromise) After performing a number introducing themselves,they start to argue. Everyone wants to become the leader of thegroup, and they each sing an entire song about how they weretreated worse than the others, so they should be in charge. Yes,I know, the plot sounds terrible. And it is terrible. The songs,however… I’m not a fan of pop music and even I like this. Thesongs are really good. I definitely suggest this to any musicaltheater fans.

SOME LOCAL THEATERB Y S O F I A

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Hi guys! I hope you saw the First Baker StreetIrregulars, a play that was held at the Churchof the Advent in November. It was fun! Me,Izzy, and Nora were in it, fellow KLN-ers. Itwas about a girl named Wiggens who traveledaround Britain with Sherlock Holmes and Dr.Watson to solve crimes and mysteries. It wasgood!

GOOD BOOK REVIEW:SADIEB Y N O R A

Okay, so I know this book really ticks somepeople off because of its ending (or utter lackof one). I, however, really liked it. So, I guessI’m writing a review… Sadie Hunter’s mom ismissing. Well, not missing, Sadie knowsEXACTLY where her mother is- L.A. Clairetook off years ago, leaving Saide to take careof her younger sister, Mattie, with the help ofher surrogate grandmother, May BethFoster. Mattie is a complete jerk to Sadie butSadie worships her… until the unthinkablehappens. Mattie is found dead, in an orchardoutside of town. And when the police botchthe investigation, Sadie takes it upon herselfto avenge her sister’s death. So, she sets offon a cross-state road trip and grabs nationalattention. Sadie’s story intrigues podcaster,West McCray, who (after much pleading fromMay Beth) sets off the find her. He charts hisjourney through his podcast, The Girls. In astory that alternates between thetranscription of a podcast and Sadie’s POV,Courtney Summers delivers a thriller that willhaunt you, and leave you wondering-WhatREALLY happened to Sadie Hunter?

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I Am Number Four is about 15-year-old alien whois one of nine Loric who came with their Cepans,the people who watch over them, to Earth toescape the Mogadorians who attacked their homeworld. While on earth they try to blend in with thehumans to try and go unnoticed by the Mogs whofollowed them to Earth. Follow his and the otherLorics adventures in the 7-part I Am Number Fourseries.

G: Its time, we’ve put this off for a while, but now, we review KLNI: like, literally KLN. Like the Kenmore Library News. Yep. Let’s go, y’all. :3 S: yeet y’all. I am excited to introduce you to the madness of KLN. A: owo I hate this. Anyway, this place is an actual heckN: Yeah, it is. And I say that being the only sane person hereG: Wait, but me! Anyways, so basically we sometimes do work or something, but like most of the time,we are falling on the floor, chasing each other around and overall just not doing anything.I: This may come as a surprise to you, because, you know, we sound really sane in our articles. So,yeah. The members of KLN are crazy. S: so now, here we are, declassifying classified information to you, so you can see how we “function”.First up on our list, the fact that Izzy falls out of her chair every 5 minutes. Izzy, please explain. I’mconfused. A: she doesn't need to explain. She’s just a failure. Just like the rest of us.N: I AM NOT A FAILURE. I’m the most highly functioning member of this KLN Society. *cough* cult*cough*G: So as you can see, we all get along great. Work gets done not a lot, and our quality is very very likeno. We do try and do things, but now let’s give our something out of 10. I give a 6/10 :D. I: Probably a 7/10. S: god you want a review? Idk I think imma give it a 5/10, for lack of making sense like zero percent ofthe timeA: idk. 2/10? I really just wanna write a death note review leave me aloneN: 0/10. I bet no one even reads it. G: Anyways, see ya later y’all!

A LITERAL KLN REVIEWB Y S O M E O N EI L L U S T R A T E D B Y S O M E O N E

WHAT I'M READING NOW:I AM NUMBER FOURB Y B E L L A

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KLN ZINE STAFFP O T A T O S A U S E ( A L I C I A ) , B E L L A , B U C K Y , G E E O R G ( G E O R G E ) ,J A C O B , N O T K

É L Ḷ Ẹ N

( J O E ) , K É

L Ḷ Ẹ N ( K E L L E N ) , N A R D S ,

N O R A , S A M , S A H F I A H , ( S O F I A ) A N D Y E E T ( I Z Z Y )W I T H H E L P F R O M L I L Y A N D N I C O L E

I wrote this in ten minutes, so don’t be annoyed,for the story I tell is of a man named Lloyd. Lloydwas a man, but considered a cat, and rarely agod, but we hope you don’t talk about that.Lloyd’s name was one that was followed byjudgment, but what he did was no minorachievement. His parents cast him out, threw himwith the litter, which understandably left himpretty bitter. Lloyd’s end was a sad one, goal leftundone and world in chaos, but that’sundoubtedly made him famous. I hate to say thatLloyd was neither good nor evil, but simply aforce of any world that’s simply inevitable.

LLOYDB Y J A C O B

How many lips does a flower have?Tu-lips How do billboards talk?Sign language How did the barber win the race?He knew a short cut Why did Santa study music at college?To improve his wrapping skills Why did the bicycle fall over?Because it was two tired Why did the cookie go to the doctor's?Because he felt crummy Why can't you trust stairs?Because they're always up tosomething Why can't you trust trees?Because they're a little shady Why are teddy bears never hungry?Because they're always stuffed What do sprinters eat before a race?Nothing, they fast What did the ocean say to thesailboat?Nothing- it just waved

NOT SO PUN-DERFUL. . .B Y S O F I AW I T H T H A N K S T O M R . M

SOME SNAILSB Y S A M