12 Steps of Spirituality Completed

1Copyright Liveworks & S. Bloom ©

the 12 steps of spirituality

Facilitated by Sholom Bloom& Joy Nielan-Green

“…the greatest form of ignorance is to reject something that you know nothing about”


Step 1 assignment

“We admitted we were powerless over people, places and things and that our

lives had become unmanageable”

“their is nothing so perfect as a broken heart”


Step 1 Assignment

Step 1 as the first step is the basis for all the others the greater our awareness is the deeper our recovery will be. In working towards spirituality the basis is humility - I am the same as others but less then my higher power. In this context humility means to recognize what we are powerless over and what we are powerful over. The serenity prayer is a good guide to this process:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.The courage to change the things I can andThe wisdom to know the difference.

The art of serenity is to be able to be in the now and to say yes to reality. This is an easy concept but very difficult. In this first step we will attempt to understand both intellectually and emotionally how we are powerless over so many things and the inability to accept this is the cause of so many peoples lack of serenity.

Over the page please list as many things as you are powerless over as possible please use extra paper if necessary. Then list anything that you are powerful over this will likely by only one thing in each category.


People I am powerless over:

Results of trying to control them:

Resulting unmanageabilty :

Partner. Act codep, become dep at not getting what I want.

Have long arguments which leave me over tired and prone to using.





Train station. Miss trains get irritable at lines to get tickets.

Miss trains and cus-tomers do not trust me to be on time.





Time. Rushing and becoming nervous.

Coming late and get-ting angry.


Step 2 assignment

“We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could lead us to sanity”

“…the greatest form of ignorance is to reject something that you know nothing about”


Step 2

“We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could lead us to sanity”

Can one prove 100% that God or a power greater than ourselves exists?

No.

Can one prove 100% that God or a power greater than ourselves does not exists?

No.

So what we believe in is to a large extent up to what we decide to believe not 100% based on logic. It is of course inuenced by our society, intellect and personal psychology.

Belief is by denition something that we do not know completely we believe in it.

Our beliefs are created from a mixture of conscious and unconscious ideas, knowledge, upbringing, society and our personal experience. Part of the purpose of the 2nd step is to re-look at our beliefs and to make them as conscious as possible. In general our beliefs will have supported our addictive and unhealthy behaviour.

In this second step after admitting that we could not overcome our problems/addiction by ourselves we begin to explore if there is a power or powers greater than ourselves that might be able to help us.

Note: The word God provokes intense reactions in many people. Some profoundly believe in him, some are convinced that he does not exist. Probably more people have died due to religion (i.e. the belief that I know what God wants me to do), than any other reason. Since people have been tortured, persecuted and discriminated against in the name of God. It is not surprising that the word is so emotive. For this and other reasons the term higher power will be used instead of God.


Where believes come from:

Let’s have a look at how beliefs in general come about and specically how our own beliefs have come about.

Write out three beliefs, (not about your higher power) that you have that form your core values about how the world works. E.g. the world is always unjust and cruel.

1.

2.

3.

Looking at our beliefs:

For each belief write out if it is …

Logical?

Internally consistent?

Long term helpful to you?

Others that you respect have this believe?

Then write down below what factors inuenced you to acquire this belief, e.g. upbringing, society or our personal experience.


Basis of recreating believes:

As we have seen that believes are not absolutes but come to us through our parenting, family of origin, social circles and inuence of others etc. thus ...

If a belief is not working for you can decide to change it.The question then evolves to be…

If one is going to consciously change ones beliefs, (rather than having them unconsciously driven) what would be a healthy basis for nding or deciding what these new beliefs are. Here are four axioms to use.

1. That they are long term useful.

2. Logical internal structure.

3. Can lead to further growth.

4. Based on investigation and experimentation.

5. Add any others that you personal might nd helpful.

List ve healthy beliefs that you would help your recovery based on the above criteria:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.


Now we need to nd a power greater than yourself using the same principles:

Higher power:

Outline your beliefs about your higher power.

Is this belief …

1. Long term useful to you.

2. Has a logical internal structure.

3. Can lead to further growth.

4. Based on investigation and experimentation, based on sanity (see below).

Five levels of higher power:

There are ve levels of higher power that are normally accepted as appropriate higher powers and these are listed below.

Note: This list is just suggestions and there are other possible higher powers that one could have.

1. A higher self – that good part of us that is beyond the rational decision making part of us.

2. The power of the group – whether this is a spiritual idea that the group has an energy greater than any person or just two heads are better than one.

3. The power of nature – Connecting with that force greater than ourselves.

4. The energy of the universe – that mystical energy source that includes everything in the universe/multi-verse.

5. God in the sense of a self aware being that is omnipotent and omniscient.

Think about whether any of these ve could be your higher power. You can choose one of them, some of them, all of them or one of your own.


Moving from step 1 to step 2:Sanity:

A useful denition of insanity is: Doing same things over and over and expecting different results.

What have I done that insane.

1.

2.

3.

Thus a denition of sanity could be: Accepting the results of behaviours and actions and behaving appropriately.

Thus in other words sanity would be looking at what I’ve done if it works repeat that behaviour. If it does not work then nd out why it did not work. Find the help you need to achieve different results.

So let’s look at what we’ve been powerless over then what type of help we need to achieve different results.

What hopefully has occurred from step one is that you are aware that there are a number of people, places and things that you are powerless over and as a result of this powerlessness your life has become unmanageable. Please list the people, places and things that you are powerless over:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

So above you have stated that you by yourself got overpowered and became powerless by yourself.

Maybe an additional source of power, energy, or help could assist you.

This is the concept of a higher power.


If I by myself cannot handle my problems maybe I can get some help and together we can become powerful.

So I need to nd a belief in some power that can give me the ability to deal with my problem and thus stop my using and therefore my manageability.

Map out the powerlessness from above to the higher power or powers you have chosen, e.g.

1. I cannot stop drinking I need the help of an AA meeting.

2. I have little serenity in my life I need the connection with nature.

3. I have no purpose in the world I need to connect with the universal energy source or God.

Advanced work:

1. Came to believe ...

Spirituality is a journey rather than an event. Belief is a continuing journey. The rst step is an intellectual one to change ones perception and believe. Once this has happened the next phase is to deepen the connection and thus the belief.

Write out how often you got let down when you prayed for specic material goods.

Write out what happened when in humility you asked to connect with God’s will.

Spend 20 minutes meditating on the results.


2. Can your HP be deeper more personal?

Write a letter to your higher power, be honest. Write from the heart the good and the bad. What you want, what your questions are etc. Read the letter out in group or with a spiritual mentor.

Once done now write another letter from your higher power. Try and use the healthiest, purest template you have for your higher power rather than any old negative versions.

3. Construct a collage of your relationship with your dad or primary care giver. Once done share this with group or spiritual mentor. After you understand the underlying dynamic of this relationship create another collage of your relationship with your higher power.

As our father or primary care giver will be the template for how we connect to our higher power write a paragraph focusing on any connection between the two.


Step 3 assignment

“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we

understood him”

“would you like to be happy or right?”


“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him”

This is the one of the simplest steps and the hardest.

In step 1 we recognize that we by ourselves are powerless. In step 2 we find various higher power that when we join with them we become powerful. Step 3 states we follow the opinions, suggestion and directions of the higher power we have found in step 2.

When we talk about letting go what it means is I will do according to my higher powers will not my own. E.g. I want to use but my AA group suggests I go to a meeting a day and share. Or I want to go our with a certain person but my sponsor says I should wait till I have a year sobriety. Or I want to start a new job but my Higher power seems to be telling me no by putting blocks in the way.

One important issue is that we must keep on turning it over to my HP not just once but turn our lives and the way we run our lives over for it to be permanently effective on a day to day basis. This requires the basis of humility that someone or something knows better than me.


Situation: Example:I want to keep drinking.

Example:I want to date a new partner.

Step 1:What aspect(s) of the situation am I powerless over:

When I take the first drink I cannot control how many I drink and the subsequent effects.

What she will do to me request to go out with her.My emotions if things get messy like the last 5 times.

Step 2:What higher power am I getting help with this from.

My AA group. My sponsor and the advise of the program.

Step 3:What I need to do to turn it over to the higher power above:

Listen to their advise about keep coming to meetings and sharing.

Listen to my sponsor and wait 6 months.

What do I think the outcome would be if I try to continue to do it my way?

I will keep on drinking and my life will contin-ue to deteriorate.

Likely I will end up in an emotional mess and greatly increase my chance of relapse.

What do I think the outcome would be if I do it my HP way and turn it over to?

I will be able to remain sober and my life will improve.

I will increase my chances of remaining clean. I will emotionally mature and be better prepared for a healthy relationship.


Situation:







Situation:







Situation:







Step 4 assignment

“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves”

“our secrets keep us sick”

Step 5 assignment

“Admitted to God, to ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our

wrongs”

“the truth will set you free”


Physical offences: Includes touching

when not given permission:

Feelings about it at the time:

How did this contribute to your spiritual believe

system:


Sexual offences: Includes not

respecting own and others sexuality.



system:


Emotional offences: Includes not

respecting your own and others emotions:



system:


Intellectual offences: Includes

not respecting others opinion’s and

beliefs.



system:


Spiritual offences: Includes all aspects of spirituality that are inappropriate:



system:

I swore inappropriately at my HP

Angry and resentful. It’s okay to behave inappropriately with my HP.

Did not listen to my HP although it was clear what it wanted.

Arrogant and I’m right.Scared underneath.

I do not have to listen to my HP. I can do it my way.

I made my Dad my HP. Scared and jealous. It’s okay to make an-other human my HP.

Controlled my students with my spiritual knowl-edge for my benefit.

Self righteous and bet-ter than. Scared under-neath.

I can use my spiritual knowledge and gift to gain for myself.

Used my gift as a par-ent to control my kids at their loss.

Angry and irritated. I can use my position as a parent to make myself feel better.

Abusing others for dif-ferent views to my own.

Self righteous and bet-ter than. Scared under-neath.

I am right others who believe different are wrong.

Not keeping to my own personal spiritual boundaries.

Lustful and envious. I can be spiritual and do non-spiritual actions.

Interfering with others keeping their own spir-itual practices.

Arrogant and angry. I can stop others doing what I think is wrong.

Not working on my step 11.

I’m okay without this. I do not need to pray or meditate.

Not having a spiritual life.

Depression and grief. I do not need spirituality.


Spiritual offences: Includes all aspects of spirituality that are inappropriate:



system:


Step 6 assignment

“Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character”

“to thine own self be true”


Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character

The purpose of step six is too identify your character defects. Looking at your step three lists and in particular your step four work should form the basis for this exercise. This step can never be finished or perfect. We all have issues that we need to work on. Pefectionism might be one of our issues.

As we have mentioned spirituality is connecting to something greater than ourselves in a healthy way. Thus looking at this step though the eyes of spirituality means looking at the way we interact with God, na-ture, groups, other people and our higher self.

Character defects are about dysfunctional ways of behaving thus it is important to realize what we what to achieve underneath the actual be-haviour.

Please write down your personal experience of the negative results of the character defect and then if applicable a personal example of that defect. E.g. people pleasing, I lent money which I did not have, the re-sults were I was resentful when I did not get the money back on time and lost a friend. The underlying objective was to be closer to someone and have them like me more.


Defects: Negative results of defects:

Underlying desires:

People pleasing

Striving for power

Over commitment

Tolerating sexual abuse and loss of personal morality

Blaming other i.e. not taking responsibility.

Indecisiveness



Underlying desires:

Lack of passion

Raging

Controlling

Lying and dishonesty

Playing the victim

Striving for power



Underlying desires:

Shutting others out

Inappropriate social behaviour

Irresponsibility

Not caring about yourself appropriately

Lack of financial con-trol

Self righteous



Underlying desires:

Always being right

Not being able to trust in your HP

Perfectionist

Lack of intimacy

Score keeping

Jealousy



Underlying desires:

Egotistical

Always arguing

Nagging

List any other character defects:


Step 7 assignment

“Humbly, asked God to remove our shortcomings”

“the core of all spirituality is humility and the core of all humility is healthy shame”


Humbly, asked God to remove our shortcomings

Step 7 is so often the missed step, what exactly is the addition from step 6?

Well in essence steps 2 to 9 are in pairs. Think about and work out what to do, then do it. Step 2 define what power there is to help you, step 3 ask it for help. Step 4 write out a moral inventory step 5 share it. Step 6 figure out the dysfunctional, unhealthy mechanisms that keep you sick and step 7 is to change them. (Step 8 is about making a list of people you need to make amends to, step 9 is making amends to them.)

Thus step 7 is about asking your higher power, whatever you defined it as in step 2, to remove your shortcomings. If you identified ‘always needing to be right’, as one of your issues then step 7 is asking say ‘the group’ for the way to remove this defect. The steps do not work by magic it is not that you sit down and pray please let me be less arrogant and hey presto the perfectly humble entity emerges the other side of the pray. Not.

What can happen, is that there is an intellectual and emotional realiza-tion that the behaviour patterns that I have employed are unhelpful to constructive long term relationships and my emotional health. I can then get the strength, advise, inspiration to employ new more mature and useful behaviours.

This step takes the work of step 6, that is based on step 4. Then using your step 2 and 3 helps create a new level of behaviour. Only working these two steps well will give you the ability to do a full step 8 and 9.

Copy over your step 6 headings in the first column then enter an healthy alternative and any possible blocks that might stop you substituting the behaviour.


Defects: Healthy substitute: Possible blocks:

People pleasing Helping where appro-priate and healthy.

Difficulty of knowing which situations are genuine helping.

Striving for power

Over commitment

Tolerating sexual abuse and loss of personal morality

Blaming other i.e. not taking responsibility.

Indecisiveness



Lack of passion

Raging

Controlling

Lying and dishonesty

Playing the victim

Striving for power



Shutting others out

Inappropriate social behaviour

Irresponsibility

Not caring about yourself appropriately

Lack of financial con-trol

Self righteous



Always being right

Not being able to trust in your HP

Perfectionist

Lack of intimacy

Score keeping

Jealousy



Egotistical

Always arguing

Nagging

List any other character defects:


Step 8 assignment

“Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them

all”

“when I realize a lie hurts me far more than I could possible gain...”

Step 9 assignment

“Made direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so

would injure them or others”

“the offer, is to become a wounded healer”


Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them

all

Step 8 is about making amends. You have hurt people, neglecting your own or others spirituality agree that you are willing to fix it. Remember it not about making the amends in step 8 it’s about becoming willing to.

In working though the amends with the spiritual aspect the ones that we need to take care of are the ones been over looked for a number of rea-sons.

Often the most difficult amends are to those people that we hurt very slightly and that they have hurt us far more than we have hurt them.

In particular over the next though pages you will be asked to reflect on your step 4 spirituality section to see who you might need to make amends to. Your HP, yourself and your own or other religions/spiritual groups will normally figure highly in this section.

Always remember we are not seeking to defend ourselves just accept that we have cause harm and that it is us and only us that can make amends for our hurt no matter the justifications for doing this.

This not an excuse for beating yourself up just a chance to take respon-sibility and make amends.

Step 9 is for you to do outside of this workshop. Remember the cardinal rule never make amends if to do so will create further harm or upset to those you offer it to.


Name: Approx. date:

What I did:

What would I do to make amends:

Would a direct amend cause further upset:

Name: Approx. date:

What I did:




Name: Approx. date:

What I did:



Name: Approx. date:

What I did:




Name: Approx. date:

What I did:



Name: Approx. date:

What I did:




Name: Approx. date:

What I did:



Name: Approx. date:

What I did:




Name: Approx. date:

What I did:



Name: Approx. date:

What I did:




Name: Approx. date:

What I did:



Name: Approx. date:

What I did:




Step 10 assignment

“Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it”

“Spirituality is about doing spiritual acts, not believing in a nice concept.”

Step 11 assignment

“Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God,

praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry it out”

“Prayer is talking to God, meditation is listening to his answer”


Step 12 assignment

“Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry the message to those who still suffer and to practice these

principles in all our affairs”

“Get a life and then live it”


The last three steps are often known as the maintenance steps. In other words they need to be done on a daily basis, forever. Sorry, that last bit does not compute?

Schedule, discipline, hard work are not what most addicts or depressives wants to hear. A quick fix or at least a hard work followed by a gentle path to serenity is more like it.

The underlining concept of the steps is that it is the absence of a deep and embracing spirituality is the cause of addiction. Which one of the 12 steps is not a spiritual one. What part of the healing process is not spir-itual, which part of the disease is not the opposite of spirituality.

If we do not embrace this last section of the program, the hard earned gains that we have made over the last 9 steps will gradual disappear.

You will find these last exercises less structures more open for your own creativity. This is designed like this as by this stage you will be moving on creating your own spirituality that must come from deep inside you.

There is a general three stage plan:

1. Take daily inventory, step 10.

2. Pray/meditate on a daily basis, step 11.

3. Live a life of spirituality, step 12.


Overleaf are three exercises:

1. Write up a way to take a daily inventory that suites you.

2. Create your own prayer and meditation regime that fulfils you.

3. Write out the path you are going to take to have a spiritual awaken-ing and then how you are going to share the precious gift you have been given with others.

Remember step 12 states that having had a spiritual awakening we try to carry the message and live it in our daily life.

In other words:

a) It is only your job to carry the message once you have had a spiritual awakening. Before that concentrate on getting better yourself.

b) It is only your job to carry the message not to make sure others get it, that will be down to you.

c) The more you live the program the more you will be able to effectively carry the massage.

Good luck and God bless on your journey.

Sholom.


Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

Write down how you plan to take a daily inventory:

Time:

Place:

How: Tables, dairy, checklist etc.

Possible blocks to achieving this:

Advantages to regularly doing this:


Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge

of God’s will for us and the power to carry it out.

Write down how you plan to pray and meditate:

Time and duration:

Place, try and find a special place to p/m:

What sort of pray:

What sort of meditation:

Possible blocks to achieving this:

Advantages to regularly doing this:


Try clearing your mind for meditation then take up a pen and write our your own prayer, let it flow naturally from your spiritual, creative side:

Do the same for a meditation:


Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry the message to those who still suffer and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

What do you understand by the term spiritual awakening?

Intellectually:

Emotional:

Spiritually:

What do you need to move further down the path to having a spiritual awakening?

Intellectually:

Emotional:

Spiritually:


How plan to practice these principles in all your affairs?

Physically:

Intellectually:

Emotional:

Spiritually:

Daily life:


Spirituality workshops:Please join us to continue your spiritual growth in our other workshops in ‘06:

Came to believe…Monday, April 17th.Do you have a problem nding a higher power?Are you unsure how to connect to your higher power?Would you like to have a more intimate relationship with your higher power?

Spiritual relationships:Monday, May 29th.How is your relationship?Are your sexual experiences spiritual?Do you want to nd out why you cannot nd your soul mate?

Prayer and meditation: Monday, May 1st.Do you have problems with prayer or meditation?Would you like to experience a day of stillness and connection?Would you like some personnel direction with step 11?

Nature:Monday, August 28th.Is nature your way to spirituality?Do you want to experience a day of serenity?Learn or enhance your experience of being in the NOW with nature.

On going spiritual development:Sholom is also starting a on-going spiritual workshop every week at LW London as well as being avalible for one - one sessions.

Documents

12 Steps of Spirituality Completed