12.2016 IIA Dallas EQ Presentation Distribution · 12/12/2016 · Microsoft PowerPoint - 12.2016 IIA Dallas EQ Presentation_Distribution.pptx 12/1/2016 11:38:27 PM

HOW TO OPTIMIZE EQAnd Become a Successful IA Change Catalyst

J A N N I E S S . B U R L I N G A M E , C P A , C R M A

SOFT SKILLS“If your emotional abilities aren‘t in hand, if you don’thave self-awareness, if you are not able to manageyour distressing emotions, if you can‘t have empathyand have effective relationships, then no matter howsmart you are, you are not going to get very far.”

“As much as 80% of adult ‘success’ comes from EQ.”

~Daniel Goleman

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“EQ, more than any other factor, more than IQ, orexpertise, accounts for 85% - 90% success at work…IQis a threshold competence. You need it, but it doesn’tmake you a star. Emotional intelligence can.”~Dr. Warren Bennis 3

SUCCESS

EQ IQ

“ Traditionally, internal auditors have not beenwidely recognized as possessing these ‘soft skills,’but they are essential to effectively navigating theoften rough waters internal auditors must confront.After all, the news they must deliver is not alwaysgood, and they need to be well prepared.”

~Richard Chambers

“The Relationship Advantage: Maximizing CAE Success”

Positive Intent Diplomacy Prescience

Trustworthiness Leadership Empathy 4

TODAY’S TOPICSPart I : Overview of Soft Skills

Part II: Deconstruct EQ

Part III: Value to Auditors

Part IV: Charisma

Part V: Takeaways

5https://www.polleverywhere.com/multiple_choice_polls/jhJ2CHA51CoVZ3H

WHAT IS EQ?A set of emotional and social skills that collectively establish how well we:

Perceive and express ourselves Develop and maintain social relationships Cope with challenges

Predictor of success in life and work

Part I: Overview of Soft Skills6

ROI Stress Management Stronger relationships More efficient decision making Increased motivation and job satisfaction Greater opportunities for advancement Learn blind spots & triggers

Part I: Overview of Soft Skills

Source: Narang and Fields7

EQ COMPONENTS

Part II: Deconstruct EQ8

THE EQ MATRIXSelf SocialSelf Awareness (SA)• Self Confidence• Emotional SA• Self Assessment

Social Awareness• Empathy• Organizational Awareness• Understanding Environment

Self Management• Trustworthiness• Adaptability• Drive• Motivation• Initiative

Relationship Management• Inspirational Leadership• Influence• Developing Others• Building Bonds• Team Work

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THE BIOLOGY OF EQEQ is driven by two parts of the Brain: Amygdala Pre-frontal cortex

Amygdala Fight or flight response

Pre-frontal cortex Conscious, logical reasoning

part of the brain


Source: Narang and Fields10

SYSTEM HIJACK When the amygdala overrides the pre-frontal

cortex

Primitive response takes control: Physiological response You have a strong emotional response The negative emotions are sudden and intense You quickly react to something

Part II: Deconstruct EQSource: Narang and Fields

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TRIGGERS What are your triggers?

What elicits a negative response?

HALT Hungry Angry Lonely Tired


Respect

Acceptance

Be liked

Love

Be valued

Feel included

In conjunction with Narang and Fields12

THE EQ-I2.0 MODEL


WHAT IS THE EQ-I2.0? Accurately assess current state Measures levels of emotional and social

capability Tool for improving performance customized action plan focus on the development needs


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WHAT DOES IT MEASURE?The EQ-i2.0 measures five distinct aspects of emotionaland social functioning:

1. Self-Perception – understanding your emotions

2. Self-Expression – expressing your emotions

3. Interpersonal – develop and maintain relationships

4. Decision Making – use emotions to make betterdecisions

5. Stress Management – cope with challenges


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1. SELF PERCEPTION A. Self Regard – How you feel about yourself

B. Self Actualization – How people feel towardslife’s path

C. Emotional Self Awareness –Recognizefeelings and the impact on others

Part II: Deconstruct EQSelf Awareness

“To realize that you do not understand is a virtue;not to realize that you do not understand is a defect.”

~Lao Tzu

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EQ CHALLENGESelf AwarenessMeditate Beginner: “check-in” Intermediate: “10- Day Meditation Challenge” Over-Achiever: Vapassana/Meditation Retreat

Challenge Exercise 17

2. SELF EXPRESSION A. Emotional Expression – Saying how you feel

B. Assertiveness – Standing up for yourself

C. Independence – Standing on your own two feet


Self Management

“Never be bullied into silence. Never allowyourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’sdefinition of your life; define yourself.”

~Robert Frost

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbHC7708XbY&feature=em-upload_owner

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2A. EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION Use “I” instead of “you”

Label the feelingUse your words: Disappointed, upset, stunned

Don’t point

Stick to the behaviors vs. personality traits

Steer away from generalizations

“You always” “You never”

Know your triggers

Part II: Deconstruct EQSource: Narang and Fields 19

2B. ASSERTIVE (Group Discussion) What’s the difference between being assertive, aggressive, and passive aggressive?

Part II: Deconstruct EQSelf Management

Assertive=Express yourself + respect

Aggressive=Express yourself + respect

Passive Aggressive=Express yourself + respect

Whatever!

Fine!

I’m not mad

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THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN EMPATHY AND SYMPATHYEMPATHYSympathy vs. Empathy Short Video


Social Awareness

Blame Illustration

Practical Use: Audit Reports

BLAME

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3. INTERPERSONAL A. Interpersonal relationships – establish and maintain

mutually satisfying relationships

B. Empathy – ability to be aware of, understand and appreciate the feeling of others.

C. Social Responsibility – working in groups

Part II: Deconstruct EQSocial ManagementSource: Narang and Fields

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3B. EMPATHY: THE POWER OF ACTIVE LISTENING

“WAIT” model

Part II: Deconstruct EQSource: Narang and FieldsSocial Awareness

“When you talk, you are only repeating what you know. But when you listen, you may learn something new.” DL

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Vacation Ask Eye Contact

3B. EMPATHYNot just humans…

Part II: Deconstruct EQSocial Awareness

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4. DECISION MAKINGA. Problem Solving

B. Reality testing – Being Grounded.

C. Impulse control – Rash decision making


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ID Define Solution

4C. IMPULSE CONTROL: THE MARSHMALLOW TEST

Conducted at Stanford University

Four year old children and 1 marshmallow

“You can eat it now or wait until I come back and eat two”


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4C: IMPULSE CONTROL RESULTSLongitudinal study:

Those who grabbed the marshmallow weremore likely to fall apart under stress, pickedfights more often, and were less able to resisttemptation in pursuit of their goals

Those who waited scored 210 points higher onSAT’s


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5. STRESS MANAGEMENTA. Flexibility – adjust emotions, thoughts and behavior

to changing situations and conditions B. Stress Tolerance – manage your response, values

and assumption C. Optimism – ability to look at the brighter side of life


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aDXM5H-Fuw

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STOP Stop Take a breathObserve Proceed

Take a walk (Nature)

Count to 10 Meditation Exercising

HOW DO YOU MANAGE STRESS?


Group Discussion Excusing Yourself

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How to Handle an Emotional Hijack Awareness: Stop! Realize you are being hijacked

Breathe: Take 4-5 cleansing breathes

Credit: Gratitude = Mood-shifter

De-brief: calm, re-evaluate, pin-point the triggers

EQ CHALLENGE

STRESS MANAGEMENT

Challenge Exercise30

SOCIAL AWARENESS Empathy: Sensing others' feelings and

perspectives, and taking an active interest in their concerns

Organizational Awareness: Reading a group's emotional currents and power relationships

Service Orientation: Anticipating, recognizing, and meeting customers' needs, mentorship


Example: PBC’s playground

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Developing Others: Sensing others' development needs and bolstering their abilities

Inspirational Leadership: Inspiring and guiding individuals and groups

Change Catalyst: Initiating or managing change

SOCIAL MANAGEMENT (1-2)


Influence: Wielding effective tactics for persuasion

Conflict Management: Negotiating and resolvingdisagreements

Teamwork & Collaboration: Working with otherstoward shared goals. Creating group synergy inpursuing collective goals

SOCIAL MANAGEMENT (2-2)

Real Life ExampleIt can save your life!!

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Let’s practice influence Beginner: Smile + 1 positive comment Intermediate: Build Rapport Over-Achiever: Change Catalyst

EQ CHALLENGE

INFLUENCE

Challenge YourselfDomain IV: Social Management 34

Charm

AWARENESS & MOTIVATION“When awareness is brought to an emotion, power is brought to your life.”

~Tara Meyer Robson


VALUE TO INTERNAL AUDITORS

IntegrityThe integrity of internal auditors establishes trustand thus provides the basis for reliance on theirjudgment.

Part III: Value to Internal Auditors

“Internal auditors have a “professional mandate” toexhibit integrity as well as trust, independence,objectivity and similar qualities in all of their work. “~Gregory Grocholski, CAE Dow Chemicals

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7 Attributes of Highly Effective Internal AuditorsSucceeding as a 21st Century Internal Auditor

“Soft skills are the new hard skills, believe me.”~Larry Harrington, Raytheon CAE

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Top 5 IA Skills Sought by Global Recruiters

1. Analytical and critical thinking (72%)

2. Communication skills (57%)

3. IT general skills (49%)

4. Risk management (49%)

5. Business acumen (43%)

Results of the 2012 Global PulseSurvey Conducted by IIA’s Audit Executive Center

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CAEs Also Target Personal Skills for Improvement

1. Presenting/Public Speaking

2. Developing board committee relations and outside contacts/networking

3. Persuasion

4. Negotiation/Confrontation

5. Using/Mastering Technology

Results of Protiviti’s IA Capabilities and Needs Survey Report

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40Part IV: Charisma

CHARISMA

Part IV: Charisma

BEHAVIORAL ELEMENTS

Power

Warmth

Presence

1. PRESENCE

42Part IV: Charisma

• Conversational Focus• Milliseconds• Wired for distraction

Putting it into Practice

43Part IV: Charisma

Sounds

Source: Cabane, “The Charisma Myth”

Breath

Toes

1. PRESENCE

2. POWER

44Part IV: Charisma

MIT Media Lab

2. Power: Putting it into Practice

45Part IV: Charisma

Physical Mental

1. Destigmatize: Harvard Study

2. Detach: Graffiti

3. Re-write Reality

RD

D

Techniques

3. WARMTH

46Part IV: Charisma

Friend or Foe?Visualization/Method Acting


Warmth: Putting it into Practice

47Part IV: Charisma


• Smile: Real vs. Fake

• Fact vs. Fiction

• Brain Chemist

• Metta

“Charismatic behavior must originate in… your mind.”

Warmth: Putting it into Practice

48Part IV: Charisma


Essential Ingredients and Techniques:

• Goodwill + Empathy = Compassion

• Cognitive Re-framing

• Difficult Person – Use your Imagination

49Part IV: Charisma

Source: Brother David Steindl-Rast, monk and interfaith scholar

Being a Charismatic Conversationalist• Spotlight

Few More Charisma Tips:

“You know ________ ….”

• Exit StrategyLet me introduce you to ________

Offer something up of value

• It’s all about the feeling

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Zl9puhwiyw

Gratitude on demand => happiness

Gratefulness.org

Presence

EQ CHALLENGE

STRESS MANAGEMENT

Challenge Exercise50

Pause Identify Diffuse

First Impressions

51Part IV: Charisma


• Primacy Effect• How long?• Why?

• MIT Media Lab finding

• Microexpression

Let’s Practice – A Visualization Exercise

52Part IV: Charisma


I. Friend or Foe Test

• Imagine….

II. What’s Next?

• Angle• Strength• Length of time

First Impressions

53Part IV: Charisma


III. Conversation• Don’t try to impress them

First Impressions

• “You can make more friends in two months by becominginterested in other people than you can in two years by tryingto get other people interested in you”

~Dale Carnegie, 1926

• Be present

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=bill+clinton+in+the+presidential+debate&view=detail&mid=0761F96725BE568ADC4D0761F96725BE568ADC4D&FORM=VIRE

1. Practice humility2. Know your triggers3. Heavily meditate : Theta Mode4. Practice Empathy5. Know thyself

IV. TOP 10 TAKEAWAYS (1-2)

Part V: Takeaways54

6. Communicate emotions honestly7. Be Present8. Practice Gratefulness9. Visualization/Method Acting10. 1 in 60 Rule

IV. TOP 10 TAKEAWAYS (2-2)

Part V: Takeaways and Resources55

Jannies S. Burlingame, CPA, [email protected]; https://www.linkedin.com/in/janniesb

858-356-2368

"If A equals success, then the formula is:

“If you are confused, you are using your brain”~Einstein

X=work, Y=play, Z=keep your mouth shut.”

In Closing…

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High Balances feelings with reason, logic, and reality. Acts out of desire, not because of duty, guilt, force

or obligation. Is intrinsically motivated, but not by power, wealth,

status, fame, or approval. Is emotionally resilient. Tends to feel optimistic and also realistic Does not internalize failure Is interested in other people's feelings and

comfortable talking about feelings.

SIGNS OF HIGH VS. LOW EQAPPENDIX A (1-4)

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SIGNS OF HIGH VS. LOW EQHigh Expresses his feelings clearly and directly with with

"I feel...” Is not afraid to express her feelings. Is not dominated by negative emotions such as Fear,

Worry, Guilt, Shame, Embarrassment, Obligation, Disappointment, Hopelessness, Powerlessness, Dependency, Victimization, Discouragement

Is able to read non-verbal communication. Lets his feelings lead him to healthy choices and

happiness.

APPENDIX A (2-4)

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Part IV: Illustrations


LowDoesn't take responsibilities for his feelings; but

blames you or others for them.Can't put together three word sentences starting

with "I feel...”Attacks, blames, commands, criticizes, interrupts,

invalidates, lectures, advises and judges you and others.

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Part IV: Illustrations


LowOften begins sentences with "I think you..."Sends "you messages" disguised as "I feel

messages" For example, "I feel like you ....”Lays guilt trips on you. Is a poor listener. Interrupts. Invalidates. Misses

the emotions being communicated. Focuses on "facts" rather than feelings.

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Books “Emotional Intelligence,” Daniel Goleman

“Emotional Intelligence 2.0,” Travis Bradberry

“Go Suck a Lemon: Strategies for Improving your Emotional Intelligence,” Michael Cornwall

“How to Win Friends and Influence People,” Dale Carnegie

“Nonviolent Communications, A Language of Life” Marshall Rosenberg

EQ BOOKS & RESOURCESAPPENDIX B (1-2)

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EQ BOOKS & RESOURCESWebsites

Brene Brown Empathy vs. Sympathy:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

High vs. Low EQ: http://eqi.org/signs.htm

The Emotional Competence Framework http://www.businessballs.com/emotionalintelligencecompetencies.pdf

Emotional Intelligence: What it is and why it matter http://www.businessballs.com/emotionalintelligenceexplanation.pdf

Gratefulness.org

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APPENDIX B (2-2)

Websites The Business Case for EI in the Workplace

http://www.businessballs.com/emotionalintelligencebusinesscase.pdf The EQ Institute: www.eqi.org 7 Habits of Highly Effective Auditors:

https://global.theiia.org/news/Documents/7%20Attributes%20of%20Highly%20Effective%20Internal%20Auditors.pdf

Mr. Rogers: Get Mad Song: http://pbskids.org/rogers/songLyricsWhatDoYouDo.html

Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski (Lobster): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aDXM5H-Fuw

EQ BOOKS & RESOURCESAPPENDIX B (2-2)

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Social CompetenceSocial awareness Ability to pick on the emotions of

others Understanding emotions in

others while managing your own

Relationship managementMy emotions + your emotions =

manage interactions successfully

Personal CompetenceSelf awareness Ability to perceive your

emotions and understand them Knowing your triggers

Self management Impulse control: Managing your

tendencies Stay flexible and manage

emotions

APPENDIX C: EQ COMPONENTS

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HUMILITY

“Humility is the solid foundation of all virtues”~Confucius

“It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.”~Mahatma Gandhi

APPENDIX DEQ MODEL CITIZENS

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KINDNESS“Smile at each other, smile at your wife, smile atyour husband, smile at your children, smile ateach other – it doesn’t matter who it is – and thatwill help you to grow up in greater love for eachother.”

~Mother Teresa


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ADAPTABILITY“In the struggle for survival, the fittest win out atthe expense of their rivals because they succeed inadapting themselves best to their environment.”

~Charles Darwin

APPENDIX DEQ EXAMPLE

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http://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2014/09/25/how-emotional-intelligence-landed-mr-rogers-20-million/

Mr. Rogers Clip


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RESEARCH IQ accounts for a max of 25% job success

Star performers’ EQ is 2x as importance as cognitive ability

How people feel about their company (climate) drives 20 – 30% of their performance

Estimated that 50 – 70% of climate is driven by the manager and how effective they are in managing their people, all of which is highly dependent on EI.

Part I: Overview of Soft Skills

APPENDIX E

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APPENDIX F

Source: Lori Marino, Neuroscience and Behavior BiologyConvergence in Intelligence and Self-Awareness

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