13 the musical lyrics

13

Song Title Characters #13/Becoming a Man Evan & Kids 2The Lamest Place in the World Patrice 8Hey Kendra Brett, Malcolm, Eddie, Kendra & Lucy 9Get Me What I Need Archie, Evan & Kids 13Opportunity Lucy, Kendra, Brett & Girls 15What it Means to be a Friend Patrice 18All Hail the Brain/Terminal Illness Evan, Archie, Brett & Kids 19Getting Ready Archie, Evan, Brett, Eddie, Malcolm. Eric, Kendra, Lucy & Patrice 23Any Minute Brett, Kendra, Patrice & Archie 27Here I Come Evan & Kids 30Being a Geek Evan & Rabbis 32Bad, Bad News Eddie, Malcolm, Simon, Richie & Boys 35Tell Her Evan & Patrice 38It Can’t Be True Lucy, Molly, Charlotte, Cassie, Eddie, Malcolm & Kids 39If That’s What It Is Archie, Patrice & Evan 42A Little More Homework Evan, Charlotte, Patrice, Kendra, Lucy, Eric, Archie, Eddie,

Cassie, Malcolm, Molly, Richie, Simon & Kids45

Brand New You Cassie, Charlotte & Kids 48

13/Becoming a Man

EVANI’m Evan Goldman I live at 224 West 92nd Street

In the heart of Manhattan and my life just went to hell!

Picture me:Just another cool kid in NYCNear the park and the Met

Life is sweet:Yankees in the Bronx, pretzels on the street

Just how good can it get?Who’d have guessed

Dad would meet a stewardess?Mom’s depressed

And her lawyers are meanNow I’m stressedLife is a disaster

And I’m cracking from the strainGoing totally insane

And I’m just about to turnJust about to turnJust about to turn

EVAN & KIDSThirteen!

EVANEverything switches…

EVAN & KIDSThirteen

EVANEverything turns around


EVANEnd up in stitches


EVANHide away underground

EVAN & KIDS

Thirteen!

EVANCan I get through it?


EVANLife has changed overnight


EVANHow do I do it?


EVANNothing is going right

EVAN & KIDSThe best and the worst

And the most and the leastAnd the crazy and the scary

And I’m standing on the edge!

EVANTwelve years old

Everything that used to be good as goldStarts to crumble and crack

EVAN & TWO BOYSPressure mounts:

Once it was a joke, now it really countsAnd there’s no turning back

TWO GIRLSLife goes wrong

ONE BOYSuddenly they’re yelling ‘cause your hair’s too long

ONE GIRLOr your room isn’t clean

FIVE KIDSRoll along

EVANEvery conversation is another lost cause

Or a list of my flawsAnd I’m just about to turn

EVAN & THREE KIDSJust about to turn

EVAN & SIX KIDSGod, I’m gonna turn


BOYI want a dirt bike!


GIRLI want to kill my ma


BOYI want a moustache


GIRLI want a Wonderbra

EVAN & KIDSThirteen, when do I get it?

Thirteen, all of the grown-up stuffThirteen, how will I make it?

Thirteen, when am I old enough?

Why is the world feeling suddenly stranger?Why are my friends acting totally weird?

Why do I feel like my life is in danger?Why do I feel like my brain disappeared?

GIRLHow will I get through a year of Spanish?

BOYHow can I not look dumb in track?

BOYHow can I gain twenty pounds by Friday?

BOYHow can I make my voice not crack?

EVAN & KIDSI wanna fly, wanna run, wanna drive

Wanna get richWanna get drunkWanna get out!

Wanna get my braces offWanna get my nose piercedWanna grow my hair long

But all I keep hearing is“No, you’re not ready”“No it’s not time yet!”

“No, it’s not right now”“Wait until you’re older”

“No, you’re not ready”“No it’s not time yet!”


“No, you’re not ready”“No it’s not time yet!”


“Homework!”“Laundry!”“Dishes!”

“Courses!”“Just settle down and hold your horses!”

EVANIn the middle of this city

In the middle of this streetThere’s the sound of something crumbling

Rumbling underneath my feetIn the middle of the sidewalk outside PS84

I hear a roar, I can’t ignore

I hear “Evan, it’s not your fault”I hear “Evan, can’t you see!”I hear “Evan, do you want to

Go with mom or stay with me”I hear “Kiddo, I’m not angry!”

I hear “Buddy, you know best!”

And there’s the rumbling getting louderBut there’s one day in October

When the pieces all will fitWhen they have to be together

And pretend they didn’t quitI’ve got one day in October

And I know it’s got to beThe perfect party!

I’m becoming a manI don’t know what “a man” really means

The rulebook growsBut no one knows

What all the rules allow

I’m becoming a manNo one tells all us scared in-betweens

Just how we shouldBe strong, be good

With so much pressure now!

One day it gets betterOne day it makes sense

One day I’ll stop talking in the friggin’ future tenseOne day in October

It’ll all be great!And I can’t wait!

I can’t wait!I can’t wait!

GIRLI can’t wait to come to your party!

ANOTHER GIRLI can’t wait to come to your party!

TWO BOYSI can’t wait to come to your party!

TWO KIDSI can’t wait to come to your party!

KIDSI can’t wait to come to your party!

I can’t wait to come to your party! Party!I can’t wait! I can’t wait!Can’t wait! Can’t wait!

Can’t wait, can’t wait, can’t wait, can’t wait for

ONE GROUPThirteen!

EVAN & OTHER GROUPSomething is comin’

ONE GROUPThirteen!

EVAN & OTHER GROUPSomething is goin’ up!

ONE GROUPThirteen!

EVAN & OTHER GROUPSomething is hummin’

ONE GROUPThirteen!

EVAN & OTHER GROUPSomebody’s growin’ up


GIRLHey, yeahhh!

EVAN & KIDSThirteen

BOYNo, no, no, no, no, no

EVAN & KIDSThirteen

ANOTHER BOYHey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah

EVAN & KIDSThirteen

GIRLYeah, yeah, yeah

EVAN & KIDSThe best and the worst

And the most and the least

And the crazy and the scaryAnd we’re just about to turn thirteen!

The Lamest Place in the World

PATRICEDown the road, there’s a Dairy Queen

Up the block, there’s a WalmartThere’s a place you can accessorize your pets

A school, a tree, a couple of churchesAnd no matter how hard anybody searches

That’s about as thrilling as this dumb-ass village gets

It’s the lamest place in the worldBut it just got a little bit better

So don’t disappearIt’s the lamest place in the world

But I’m pretty sureIt’s not as lame as it was before

Now that you’re here

Forty miles to the nearest riverSixty miles to the airport

When we plan our escape, that’s where we’re going to have to beIt’s a shame, it’s a sham, it’s a terrible pityYou got dragged away from New York City

It’s major suck for you but it’s amazing luck for me

It’s the lamest place in the worldBut it just got a little bit better

I’m happy to sayIt’s the lamest place in the world

You’re completely exoticIntellectual neurotic

You would never have a shot exceptYou’ve found the perfect guide

And though I don’t really know youI can hardly wait to show you

Every fake and freakEvery fool and clown

Since the Chippewa settled this stupid townLet and laugh

They won’t keep me downWith you by my side

And it just got a little bit betterAmazing but true

Yes, the lamest place in the worldHas lots of flaws

But maybe it’ll be fine because

It brought me to you

Hey Kendra

MALCOLMOne, two, three

EDDIEHere we go

EDDIE & MALCOLMHey Kendra

BRETTHey Kendra

EDDIE & MALCOLMI’ve been thinking

BRETTI’ve been thinking

EDDIE & MALCOLMI’ve got to, got to, got to, got to get with you

BRETTSo true

EDDIE & MALCOLMI wanna get up all in your business girl

And make you feel real fine

BRETTUh, real fine, not fake fine


BRETTHey Kendra

EDDIE & MALCOLMCome closer

BRETTMuch closer

EDDIE & MALCOLMI got myself a brand new rocking horse

Why don’t you climb up here

EDDIEAnd rock it, rock it all night long

BRETTOkay, okay stop! Yeah! Not gonna work

EDDIEYeah, so gonna work! Its double edge

EDDIE & MALCOLMSmooth!

BRETTGuys, Kendra’s a good girl. I can’t just hit on her like whack-a-mole. I do that, I will never get the

tongue, incoming! Kendra, 3 o’clock!

MALCOLMOne, two, three

EDDIEGet shezy!

BRETTKendra, there’s something I want to ask you

LUCYOh, God!


BRETTHey Kendra

EDDIE & MALCOLMI’ve been thinking

BRETTI’ve been thinking

BRETT, EDDIE & MALCOLMI want to spend a little special time with you

KENDRAAw!

BRETT, EDDIE & MALCOLMI want to take you to a movie, girl

BRETTFriday night

BRETT, EDDIE & MALCOLMDown at the mall

KENDRAIt’s perfect!

LUCYNo, it isn’t!


BRETTHey Kendra

EDDIE & MALCOLMDon’t be nervous

BRETTTrust me, baby

BRETT, EDDIE & MALCOLMWe’re gonna get some popcorn and some Raisenettes

MALCOLMChocolate covered

EDDIETell your Mama not to worry, girl

EDDIE & MALCOLMIt’s gonna feel real fine

KENDRAYay!

LUCYNo, no, no, no, no

You can’t go to the movies on Friday night

EDDIE & MALCOLMNo, no, she can’t do it

LUCYI said she can’t go

EDDIE & MALCOLMUh-uh, no way

LUCY

‘Cause you already committed to do that thing

KENDRAWhat thing?

LUCYThat thing

KENDRAWhat thing?

LUCYThat thing you said you would do on Friday

KENDRAThere is no thing

LUCYYes there is, Kendra

KENDRAI’m going to the movies Friday night with Brett

LUCYNo, you’re not

Don’t contradict me in public, KendraWe’ll talk about this later

KENDRAFine!

BRETT, EDDIE & MALCOLMHey KendraI’m begging

MALCOLMPlease go to the movies on Friday

KENDRASure, I’ll come

LUCYWe so majorly have to talk

BRETT, EDDIE & MALCOLMOoh, baby

We so good

EDDIEYou’re gonna get all up in her business, y’all

Get Me What I Need

ARCHIEThere’s the cool kids

There’s the preps and there’s the skate punks and the jocksAnd then there’s me

There’s the losersThere’s the nerds and there’s the stoners and the Goths

And then there’s me

But then there’s you!‘Cause you’re the new kid in the school

You’re not defined by one specific breed!And so you’re free to flit from group to group

From scene to scene‘Cause you’re not the conduit, the medium, the go-between

Which means you’re perfectly positioned to get me what I need

EVANLook, Archie, I’m the wrong guy for this

ARCHIEOne date, that’s all I’m asking

EVANIsn’t there some nice girl on the special needs bus?

ARCHIEThey don’t like me

Evan back before the crutchesIt was clear, I don’t fit here

So it’s hopelessI can’t walk right up to Kendra and say “Hey”

She’d run away

But look at you!You’re making friends and having parties

And adapting with impressive speedJust twenty minutes when we’re sitting so our knees can touch

Yes, it’s a tiny inconvenience, but it means so muchCause out of all of Indiana, you can get me what I need!

EVANIt’s impossible!

ARCHIEAnd what I need is Kendra!

BOYS

Kendra, Kendra

ARCHIEBeautiful Kendra!

BOYSKendra, Kendra

ARCHIEWonderful Kendra!Make her appear!

BOYSAh-ah-ah!

Ah-ah!

ARCHIE & BOYSIf you want a girl, the girl you want is

ARCHIEKendra!

GIRLSKendra, Kendra!

ARCHIEVery hot, Kendra!

BOYSVery hot, very hot

ARCHIEGo tell Kendra

I’m waiting here!

Here’s the problemEvery minute, every second that I wait might be too late

So let’s face itIf I ever had a chance

The time is now, so who cares how?Just do your best

And I won’t bother you againAnd that’s a promise guaranteed!

So, you can help me outAnd we can both do very well

Or I can turn around and make your life a living hellIt’s up to you, you’ve got a choice, you’ve got incentive to succeed!

Yes, I know it sounds insane, Jerry Lewis can explainYou’ve got to help me, Evan, help me, Evan

Help me, Evan, help me, EvanGet me what I need!

EVANI’ll try

ARCHIEI knew you would

Opportunity

LUCYMy best friend ran out on her boyfriend

And her boyfriend’s a boy that I wanna be withMy best friend’s in a bad situation

When she cries and she tried to repair her romanceIs it nasty if I notice that I just got a chance?

If I whisper pretty please a little, maybe I can seize a little

O-P-P, opportunityO-P-P, opportunity

GIRLSO-P-P, opportunityO-P-P, opportunity

Whoa, whoaWhoa, whoa

LUCYWhat kind of glam slam girl would I be

If I didn’t take advantage of an opportunity

KENDRAHere we go!

KENDRA & GIRLSThe Quayle Quails rock and the Quayle Quails kills

The Thunderhawks won’t but the Quayle Quails willThe Quayle Quails squawk and the Quayle Quails cluckThe Quayle Quails win cause the Thunderhawks suck!

LUCYI could be Brett’s brand new girlfriend

KENDRALucy, look at Brett!

LUCYI could show him a lot of new tricks

KENDRAHe looks like a rainbow full of sad

LUCYKendra still wants to be Brett’s girlfriend

KENDRALucy, go apologize to him for me

LUCYBut do I cut her a break ‘cause she made a mistake

Or do I take the reward that I really wanna takeNo matter how I contemplate it, this is such a complicated

GIRLSO-P-P

LUCYOpportunity

GIRLSO-P-P

LUCYOpportunity

GIRLSHey-yo!

O-P-P, opportunityO-P-P

LUCYOpportunity

GIRLSWhoa, whoaWhoa, whoa

LUCYHow do I choose what to say, what to see

When presented with a candy-coated opportunity

I was denied but now I’ve learnedI’m getting ready

I’m gonna get the thing I yearnI’m really ready

I’m really ready for youI’m really ready to do

Something I’ve wanted to do for so long!

BRETTOh, hey, Lucy, oh!

GIRLSO-P-P

BRETTOpportunity

GIRLSO-P-P, opportunity

O-P-P

BRETTOpportunity

GIRLSO-P-P, opportunity

Whoa, whoaWhoa, whoaWhoa, whoaWhoa, whoa

LUCYWhat kind of best friend would I be

If I didn’t take advantage of an opportunity!

What it Means to be a Friend

PATRICEA friend’s not a cheap little phony creep

Or a jerk trying to make a dealA friend is a person who, most of all

Cares about what you feelAnd nothing is harder

Than learning a friend isn’t real

A friend sends notes back and forth all dayAnd doesn’t care that you can’t spell

A friend knows you’ve got a crush on your teacherBut a friend would never tell

A friend’s outside waitingThe minute you both hear the bell

And if your heart is always breaking‘Cause the world is just not fair

When you’re at your worstYour friend’s the first one thereGiving you something to lean on

And that’s what it means to be a friend

A friend won’t smoke when she’s in your roomOr laugh at the poems you write

A friend won’t go start kissing your brotherThe minute that you’re out of sight

A friend is the personYou call sixteen times every night

And if your heart is always breakingAnd you want to run and hide

When your hope is goneYour friend is on your side

If someone moves in ‘round the cornerAnd you want to show him you care

So you give him all your last month of vacationAnd all of the time you can spare

But then, on the first day of classesHe act like you’re not even there

Then he doesn’t knowHe doesn’t know!

He’ll never know what it meansTo be a friend!

All Hail the Brain/Terminal Illness

KIDSBrain’s gonna do it!Brain’s gonna do it!

Friday night, the brain’s gonna do it!Friday night, we go to the mall

And Brain’s gonna get us into the movie!Gonna go see The Bloodmaster!Friday night, The Bloodmaster!

Friday night, Friday night!Brain’s gonna do it!Brain’s gonna do it!

EVANI have a plan, I have a plan

Possibly, I think I have a planIt’ll take a lot of work, it’ll take a lot of luckBut when it all comes through, they’ll say

All hail the brain!He does what no mere mortal can

He’s the man, Evan GoldmanAll hail the brain!

He did what no one else could doSaw us through, saved the day

And all I have to do is

Wait till Mom goes to sleepThen sneak the license from the wallet in her purse

Make a coloured Xerox, laminate itThen put the licence back in the wallet in her purse

Then find the dress she wore in the pictureOn the license that I copied and I laminated

Wear the dress, get a wig, show the licence, buy the ticketsWhat could go wrong?

KIDSBrett’s gonna do it!Brett’s gonna do it!

Friday night, Brett’s gonna do it!Friday night, at the Bloodmaster!

Brett’s gonna do the tongue with Kendra!Friday night at the movie in the mall!

And the Brain’s gonna get us in!

EVANI have a plan! A better plan!

Actually an almost perfect plan

It sounds absolutely nuts, it’ll take a lot of gutsBut when it all comes through, they’ll say

All hail the brainGive that bar mitzvah boy a hand

Ain’t he grand, ain’t he great?And all I have to do is

Go that day to the movie theatreBreak into the projection room

Steal the reels of film for the BloodmasterTake ‘em down the hall where they’re showing Bambi

Switch the reels, leave the theatreTell the guys we’re gonna go and see Bambi

What could go wrong?

BRETTHey, Brain, did you set up my date for Friday?

EVANDate?

BRETTWith Kendra?

EVANDate? Date! Archie, I have major news!

I have a plan, I have a planSo you and Kendra can go out on Friday night

ARCHIEOoh!

EVANI need your help, though, so stay calm

You need to go talk to my momAnd it’ll all come true because

No one says no to a boy with a terminal illnessTake it from me, it’s a sure guarantee of success

Listen, I’m not making fun of your terminal illnessBut you hold the secret to getting my mom to say yes

So talk to my mom, and get her to buy the tickets we need to obtainBrett gets his movie, I get the credit, and you get your date, so who could complain?

Except for you because you’re dying, but

No one says no to a boy with a terminal illnessWho could refuse when you shuffle your shoes and say please?

Use all the tricks that you learned in your cradleYou don’t need to lay it on thick with a ladle

‘Cause no one says no to a boy with a fatal disease!

ARCHIEI can do this!

EVANI know you can!

La, la, la, laLa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

ARCHIEMrs Goldman, I hate to bother you, but I was strolling through the neighbourhood

EVANLa, la, la, la

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

ARCHIEWhich wouldn’t be so bad, if it weren’t my birthday on Friday, but the insurance doesn’t cover…

EVANLa, la, la, la


ARCHIEI could always pay you for the tickets if I don’t get my medicine next month…

EVANLa, la, la, la


ARCHIEAnd you know, I’ve always felt this kinship with the Jewish people

EVANAnd out of the blue

A thought comes to youLike sun coming out from the rain

And after the stressMy mother says

ARCHIEYes!

EVANYes!

EVAN & ARCHIEWe’re all set for Friday so who could complain?

ARCHIE

Except for you because you’re Jewish and you always complain

EVANIt’s true

EVAN & ARCHIEBut no one says no to a boy with a terminal illness

Ask for a day at the mall or a trip to BelizeNothing’s too hard and no quest unendurable

Long as you’re sure you’re completely incurable‘Cause no one says no to a boy with a fatal disease

BRETTAll hail the brain

KIDSAll hail the brain!

BRETTI never thought he’d take the bait?

This is great, Evan Goldman

KIDSEvan Goldman!

All hail the brain!

EVANI did what no one else could doTell me who could complain?

BRETTAll hail the brain


EVANAll hail the brain!


ARCHIE, BRETT, EVAN & KIDSAll hail the brain!All hail the brain!

Getting Ready

ARCHIEOnly got one shotBetter get it rightI’m getting ready!

Got to look real hotWhen it’s Friday night

I’m getting ready!

I’m getting ready todayI’m getting ready to say

I’m not that weird geek you think I must beI’m getting ready to moveI’m getting ready to prove

Kendra, just needs a sex God like me

EVANOn Friday night, I’ll be the hometown hero

ARCHIEGot to cut my nails

EVANIf this goes right, then I’ll be free and clear

ARCHIEGot to shave my beard

EVANAnd if it goes as planned, Patrice will understand

Some prices are worth paying when your dreams come true

ARCHIEI’m getting ready for herI’m getting ready, yes sir

Ready for passion, delight and romance

ARCHIE & EVANI’m getting ready to go

I’m getting ready and knowingI may only get this once chance

BRETTThere in the dark of the Appleton Cinema

Free from the public’s prying eyesThere with my girl in the chair beside me

I can reveal my big surprise

There while the rest of the crowd’s immersed andAll of the blood vessels on screen burstin’

Kendra will get to be the first in line to realizeHere comes the tongue!

EDDIE & MALCOLMHere it comes! Here it comes!

ERICHere comes the tongue!

EDDIE & MALCOLMHere it comes! Here it comes!

ERICHere comes the…

ERIC, EDDIE & MALCOLMTolululululululu lah!

KENDRAOkay, so just go through this with me one more time

LUCYOkay

KENDRAIf he does it and I let him

LUCYYou’re a slut

KENDRARight, and if he wants to but I stop him

LUCYYou’re a tease

KENDRAGod! And if I let him and I like it

LUCYYou’re a skank

KENDRAWow!

LUCYBut he could also get his tongue stuck down your throat

Or try to kiss so hard, he chips one of your teethOr, there’s a million other ways that it could all go wrong

It doesn’t matter if the urge to kiss him back is strongYou’ve got to hold that boy at bayStep back from the edge and say

I’m a good girlI don’t do thatI’m a nice girlPut that awayI’m a good girl

Keep your hands offIf you tell him thatThen you’ll be okay

KENDRAWhat if it’s just like, this much?

LUCYWhen you got that solo in choir

It’s ‘cause I told you what to singWhen you got the lead in the fall school play

It’s ‘cause I coached you all last spring

When you got to be the head of the cheerleading squadIt’s cause I taught you everything

Think of all the things I should’ve had, you got insteadBecause you did just what I said!

You’re a good girl!

KENDRAI’m a good girl

LUCYYou don’t do that

KENDRABut he’s so cute

LUCYYou’re a good girl!

KENDRAListen Lucy

LUCYDon’t question me!

KENDRABut I could be his girlfriend

LUCYYou’re a good girl

KENDRAI’m a good girl

LUCY & KENDRAI/You don’t do that

EVANKoh Amar!

LUCY & KENDRAI could be Brett’s girlfriend!

EVANHael Adoshem!

LUCYIf I could get her out of the way!

EVANBohr hasamayim

KENDRABut now I just don’t know what to say!

EVANVenotayhem!

KENDRA, LUCY & PATRICEI’ve got to get ready for him

ARCHIEI’m getting ready, it’s true

ARCHIE & EVANI’m getting ready to do

Something that makes her/them accept me at last

EVAN, ARCHIE, LUCY, KENDRA, BRETT & PATRICEI’m getting ready alright

Nothing can stop me tonight

BRETTTululululul lahhh

EVAN, ARCHIE, LUCY, KENDRA, BRETT & PATRICEI’m getting ready! Ready! Ready!

ARCHIECheck me out!

EVAN, ARCHIE, LUCY, KENDRA, BRETT & PATRICENow!

Any Minute

BRETTSomeone got his eyelids torn off

And I’m sitting hereAnd I should be doing somethingThat guy got an axe in his throat

And she’s sitting thereAnd I don’t know why I’m waiting

But oh, any minuteI’ll be getting closer

And I’ll be where I want to beAny minute

KENDRASomeone got his skull chopped in half

And he’s sitting thereAnd maybe he doesn’t want meMaybe it was something I said

Or maybe my breathWhy did I eat those pork rinds?

‘Cause, oh, any minuteHe could turn and kiss me

And we’ll be where we ought to beAny minute

BRETTShe just set his penis on fire

KENDRAThis is weird

BRETTWhat do I do?

KENDRAAm I fat?

BRETTThis is so not romantic

KENDRAHe wants to be with Lucy

BRETTThis was such a stupid idea

KENDRAAnd she’s right

BRETTIf I could just…

KENDRAI’m a good girl…

BRETT…Turn my head slightly sideways

PATRICEAnd oh, any minute

He’ll do something for meDid he just invite me

So he could ignore me?He won’t even know I’m gone!

BRETTAny minute!

KENDRAAny minute!

BRETTAny moment!

KENDRAAny moment!

BRETT If I want it

KENDRAIf I want it

BRETT & KENDRAIf I close my eyes!

BRETTAny minute

KENDRAAny minute

BRETTAny moment

KENDRAAny moment

BRETT & KENDRA

Any time!

BRETTNo more time to sit on my butt

Time to move inTime to get started!

ARCHIEThis is it, Archie!

BRETTAfter all tonight is the tongue

And after the tongueThere will be groping

ARCHIEOkay!

BRETT & ARCHIEAnd so, watch out Kendra!Now, watch out, women!

Now! Now! Now!

Here I Come

EVANNothing’s done or set

There are options to considerI admit I didn’t make it work tonight

I’m not finished yetThey are not gonna call me a quitter

‘Cause I’m gonna try again with all my mightUntil I can show the people in this town

That I can get it right

So here I come!I got a million other tricks still up my sleeve

Yeah, here I come!And I’m not about to pack my bags and leave

No, no, no, no, no!I didn’t push this hard to go back where I started from

Here I come!

You can bring me downYou can say I just don’t get it

You can make me kiss the life I knew goodbyeYou can kick me out

You can say I’m gonna regret itBut you never get to tell me I can’t tryBefore you put me off or count me out

Just look me in the eye

‘Cause here I come!I’m a little late but now I’m in the droll

Yeah, here I come!You better check me out cause this is how I roll, whoa!

I’m gonna find out what they got and I’m gonna get me someNow here I come!

You think I won’t get my wishesYou’ve never known somebody this ambitious

Take a breath, count to tenI blew it once but I won’t again

I’m beginning to seeI’m beginning to learnI’m becoming a man

And here I go!

Here I comeI got a million other tricks still up my sleeve, yeah

KIDS

Look out cause he’s coming up now

EVANHere I come

KIDSYes, he’s coming up!

EVANAnd I’m not about to pack my bags and leave

EVAN & KIDSNo, no, no, no, no, no

EVANI’m gonna fight it till I get my share

I’m gonna win this battle fair and squareI didn’t push this far to end up where I started from

KIDSHe’s coming, coming up!

EVANHere I come!

Being a Geek

EVANBeing a geek is the loneliest thing in the world

I gotta tell ya, Rabbi, when you’re a geek, it’s the loneliest thing in the worldYou’re always wondering what everybody’s laughing about

And staring in at the world like you got locked outNothing is worse, it’s a crime, it’s a curse

It’s the loneliest thing in the world!

Being a geek is the sorriest state ever knownI know what I’m talkin’ aboutAnd being a geek doesn’t go

Once you’re gone or you’re grown

RABBISTell me about it, brother

EVANThe girls all roll their eyes and walk away when you get close

You’ve got a fatal disease no one can diagnoseIt’s contagious, it’s viral, it’s a downward spiral

The loneliest thing in the world

But when you’re coolWhen you’re cool, you’ve always got a crowdYou can break the rules ‘cause you’re allowed

You can sway the gang in any directionYou’ve got a high-speed connection

When you’re coolYou’re the epitome of charm and graceWhen you want to get to second base

If you’re cool, you know you’ve got a shotBut oh! If you’re not it’s a waste, it’s a drag

It’s ‘suck’ in a bag, it’s the loneliest thing in this world

RABBISGeek, geekGeek, geek

Geek, geek, whoa-oh

EVANOh, yeah, it’s like a cold wind blowing, yeah

If you like the wrong moviesIf you like the wrong bands

If you take the wrong classesDon’t speak!

RABBISYou’re a geek!

EVANIf it’s a Saturday night and you don’t have any plans

‘Cause you spent the past week learning Greek

RABBISYou’re a geek!

EVANIf you’re very well-acquainted with the locker room toilet

‘Cause your head’s been shoved inside it, just squeak:

RABBIS“I’m a geek!”

EVANIf you start to get excited

‘Cause you’re gonna throw a partyBut the people you’ve invited all shriek

RABBISGeek!

EVANYou freak!

RABBISGeek!

EVANYou’re not unique!

RABBISGeek!

EVANIt’s just the life of the geek!

But when you’re coolYou can rally when the blues attack

Every problem just rolls of your backYou can handle every slip and slide

Without breaking your stride!When you’re cool

You don’t care that people disappearYou don’t care that you’re

Dad’s not hereYou don’t care that you’re

Life’s been uprooted and bentWithout your consent

A geek’s afraid it’s never gonna be okayBut the cool kid knows it doesn’t matter anyway

It’s the difference between Being fine at thirteen

And the loneliest thingI said it’s the loneliest thing

I know it’s the loneliest thing in the world

RABBISGeek, geekGeek, geekGeek, geekGeek, geek

Hmmm!

Bad, Bad News

EDDIEWhat is a man when he give up his soul?

For a lick from a chick who completely takes control

MALCOLMTell the tale!

EDDIEHow does a man who can see behind his head

Turn as blind as a bat with no eyes

MALCOLMWhat is a man when he turns on his friends?

We’ve been tossed, now we’re lost, just a platter of burnt ends

EDDIEI feel ya

MALCOLMHow do we make our hero wide awake

So that he can realize?

EDDIE & MALCOLMThat girl is bad, bad news

Bad newsNothing but tears, nothing but trouble

Nothing but stressYes she is bad, bad news

MALCOLMBad news!

EDDIE & MALCOLMOur buddy Brett is gonna regret that he ever said yes

The girl may be hot but all that he’s got isBad, bad news

EDDIEWhat do you do when your friend’s life’s at stake?

MALCOLMMan, he’s flipped!

SIMONNo, he’s whipped like the cream on a cake

MALCOLM

What can we say?

EDDIEHe won’t talk

RICHIEHe won’t play

BOYSHow can one tongue destroy our whole team?

That girl is bad, bad newsBad news

RICHIEShe’s like a snake

EDDIEShe’s like a cockroach

SIMONShe’s like a cow, a skinny cow!

BOYSWow she is bad, bad news, bad news

We’re abandoned, left in the sand, and who are we now?He fell for a slut with a fabulous butt

But she’s bad, bad news

EDDIEPerhaps there’s a way we can dispose of her

MALCOLMMaybe she can meet with an accident

SIMONWe have got to make clear that she’s not welcome here

The most horrible way we can find

MALCOLMWe can go train a Pitbull to chew on her flesh

EDDIEI don’t think they attack their own kind

RICHIEWe could torture her mother and chop up her dog

SIMONTo be honest, I don’t think she’d mind

EDDIE

I could rip off her pocketbookLook, it’s a start

MALCOLMDrive a stake through her heart, if she just had a heart

BOYSThe longer it goes, the worse it’ll get

So somebody’s got to tell Brett

RICHIEYeah!

BOYSThat girl is bad, bad news, bad news

RICHIEShe’s so such a bad persuasion

BOYSShe took our pal, she took our leader

And let him astray, hey, heyShe’s totally bad, bad news, bad newsListen up, Brett, you’re not ruined yet

We’ll show you the wayThrow her under the bus and come back to us

MALCOLMEven though she has excellent shoes she’s bad

EDDIEBad

RICHIEBad

SIMONBad

RICHIEBad

SIMONBad

EDDIEBad

MALCOLMBad

BOYSNews! Bad news!

Tell Her

EVANTell her you’ve thought about what happened

Tell her you haven’t slept at nightTell her although you made a huge mistake

You want to make it right

Tell her you know you aren’t perfectTell her you’ve waited way too long

Tell her you’re sorry, tell her you mean itTell her you just were wrong

PATRICETell her she shouldn’t have ignored youOr dissed you in front of all the school

Tell her the minute she got out of touchYou felt like such a fool

Tell her that studying togetherWas so nice, you prayed it wouldn’t endSay you forgive her, say you were jealous

Ask if she’ll be your friend

EVAN & PATRICETell her that people get things wrong

‘Cause people are afraid they won’t fit in your world or in your lifeBut things will work out fine if she will only listen

PATRICETell her that all you ever wanted

EVANTell her that all you ever wanted

PATRICEWas maybe

EVAN & PATRICEA smile or a glance

EVANTell her you’re sorry

PATRICETell her you mean it

EVAN & PATRICEAsk for another chance

Tell her you just want another chance

It Can’t Be True

MOLLYOh, hey Lucy, what’s up?

LUCYCheck this out, I just got the juiciest text from Charlotte who told me the nastiest thing about Kendra

MOLLYKendra? No! What?

LUCYAlright, I’ll tell you, but remember…

Everything Charlotte says is a lieIt’s a lie, it’s a lie, it’s a lie

Everything Charlotte says is a lieYou better not believe her

‘Cause she said she sawKendra and Evan at the mall

Standing face to faceLaughing, and talking, and holding hands

Slurping all the way to first base!But everything Charlotte says is a lie

You better not believe her

MOLLYKendra and Evan?

LUCYYep!

MOLLYBut what about Brett?

LUCYOh, I know! She is so full of it! But really, really, really don’t say anything!

MOLLYOf course not! I won’t say a word!

CASSIEYello?

MOLLYCassie?

LUCYCharlotte!

CASSIE & CHARLOTTEYo!

MOLLYEverything Charlotte says is a lie

LUCYEverything Molly says

MOLLY & LUCYIt’s a lie, it’s a lie, it’s a lie

MOLLYEverything Charlotte says is a lie

LUCYEverything Molly says is a lie

MOLLY & LUCYYou better not believe her

MOLLY‘Cause I just heard that

MOLLY & LUCYShe said, she saw Kendra and Evan

MOLLYOn their bikes, having a little race

LUCYMolly saw Kendra at the park

Letting Evan get to second base!

MOLLYBut everything Charlotte says is a lie

MOLLY & LUCYYou better not believe her

GIRLSHolly macaroni, no, it can’t be true

No, you can’t repeat a single word I’m telling youAnd oh! Can you imagine what Brett would do

If he heard that kind of a rumour

CHARLOTTEEverything Cassie says is a lie

CASSIE

Everything Molly says is a lie

GIRLSIt’s a lie, it’s a lie, it’s a lie

MOLLYMaking up stories, I don’t know why

GIRLSYou better not believe her

LUCYSo don’t think nothing

CHARLOTTEShe just told me

MOLLYShe said she saw

GIRLSKendra and Evan at the game

And they vanished without a traceWhen she saw Kendra under the bleachers

Letting Evan get to third base!

Holy macaroni! No, it can’t be trueThere’s an awful lot of trouble they can get intoAnd oh! Can you imagine what Brett would do

If he heard that kind of a rumour?

EDDIEEverything Kendra says is a lie

EDDIE & MALCOLMIt’s a lie, it’s a lie, it’s a lie

MALCOLMDoing the tongue with some other guy

EDDIE & MALCOLMYou better believe it

KIDS‘Cause he said

She saw, she said, she sawHe said, he saw

Kendra and Evan at the mallAt the movies, at the zoo

LUCY

And I just saw them, right now!

If That’s What It Is

ARCHIEIf that’s what it is

Then that’s what it isYou’re probably right to just forget it

Let’s face it you’ve worked so hard and now you’re scarredAnd free of any hope

I guess you should mopeForget what you’ve planned

Hey, I understand

If that’s what it isThen that’s what it is

Though that’s not the way I choose to see itI have my own view that works with all these jerks and unenlightened fools

I make my own rules, I do what I canIf I hit the wall, well maybe it’s all a part of the plan

Tomorrow will come, today will be goneAnd so I put one foot in front of the other

One foot in front of the otherAnd just keep walking on

PATRICEIf that’s what it is


PATRICEWhat also is true

ARCHIEWhat also is true

PATRICE & ARCHIEIs it may not always be disaster

PATRICEI realize that now it is but how it is

Isn’t how it’s got to beAnother day comes, another day goes

And if I get teased or hurt or lied to or punched in the noseI say I won’t cry, I cry until dawn

And then I put one foot in front of the other

PATRICE & ARCHIEOne foot in front of the other

PATRICEAnd just keep walking on

EVANI’m becoming a man

Maybe all that it means isI face the world for what it is

And not what I wish it could beI’m becoming a man

Watching everything fall into placeI swing, I miss

I’ll get through thisI almost guarantee

One day I’ll be thirtyOne day I’ll be fine

One day I’ll make fun of this dramatic life of mineOne day I’ll be older

And then I’ll write a bookAbout the choices that I made

PATRICEThe choices that you made

EVANAnd the chances that I took

PATRICEThe chances that you


Then that’s what it isAt least until Disney can re-write it

We put on our shoes and socks and take the knocksAnd wish that it would change

PATRICEAnd maybe it will

EVANAnd maybe it can

ARCHIEUntil then you trust that all this is just becoming a man

PATRICEYou take your best shot

EVAN, ARCHIE & PATRICE‘Cause look what you’ve got

PATRICEGo on and put one foot in front of the other

EVANOne foot in front of the other

ARCHIEOne foot in front of the other

EVANOne foot in front of the other

ARCHIEThe crip, the geek, the Jew and his mother

PATRICEAnd just keep walking on

A Little More Homework

EVANIf you stand here behind me

And you call me a manAnd you’re counting on me to come through

You should know that I’ll give you the best that I canBut we all have a little more homework to do

If you’re walking beside meAnd you wanna be friends

You should know I’m depending on youSo you gotta hang in there till the whole story ends

‘Cause we all have a little more homework to do

And I’ve been looking in the back of the book for the answersHoping the bell wouldn’t chime

But I’m not ready to put down my pencil just yetThere are too many answers that I didn’t get

I need a little less pressure and a little more time

I’m trying to followI’m trying to lead

I’m trying to find what is trueBut if you’re going to stand with me

Then you have to concedeThat we all have a little more homework to do

CHARLOTTEDay turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today

You get a little bit older, a little bit tallerA little bit better, a little bit

Day turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, todayAnd the days before all go too fast

You can’t hold on, so you go

EVAN & CHARLOTTEDay turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today

EVANAnd I’m a little bit older

A little bit strongerA little bit smarter

A little bit

EVAN & CHARLOTTEDay turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today

CHARLOTTE

And the days ahead coming on so quickYou can’t get out the way

CHARLOTTE, EVAN & KIDSDay turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today

And I’m a little bit older, a little bit fasterA little bit closer, a little bit

Day turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, todayAnd the sky goes blue and the sky goes black

And no matter you do you can’t go backYou go day into day into today

EVANI turned 13, my parents got divorced and I move from New York City to the middle of nowhere

KIDSDay into day into day

PATRICEI turned 13 and I kissed a boy, more than once!

KENDRAI turned 13 and I signed a virginity pledge!

KIDSDay turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today

LUCYI was diagnosed with an eating disorder

ERICI failed math, but we won the championships!

KIDSAnd I’m a little bit braver

A little bit broaderA little bit brighter

A little bit

ARCHIEI turned 13 and I had to have spinal chord surgery. God that sucked

KIDSDay turns today turns today

EDDIEI got busted for driving my dad’s pick-up

KIDSDay turns today turns today

CHARLOTTEI got drunk!

CASSIEAnd I’ve been looking in the back of the book for the answers

Hoping the bell wouldn’t chime

MALCOLMMy parents split up!

MOLLYAnd I’m not ready to put down my pencil just yet

RICHIEThere are too many answers that I didn’t get

SIMONI need a little less pressure

KIDSAnd a little more time

I’m trying to followI’m trying to lead

I’m trying to learn what is trueI’m trying to be what you want and I need

But we all have a little more homeworkWe all have a little more homework

We all have a little more homework to doDay turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today

A little more homework to doDay turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today




EVANMy name is Evan Goldman, I live at 24 Plains Drive, Appleton, Indiana

I’m 13 years old and I’m just getting started

Brand New You

CASSIEI saw the cover and I judged the bookI turned away without a second look

But now, now, nowI see a brand new you

I told myself I better run and hideI never noticed what was there inside

But now, now, nowI see a brand new you

And I can’t stop myself from loving every itty bitty thing you do

CASSIE & KIDSOoh!

I see a brand new you!Ooh!

I see a brand new you!

CHARLOTTEI didn’t know where I was meant to beI figured no one would be there for me

CASSIE, CHARLOTTE & KIDSBut now, now, now

CHARLOTTEI see a brand new you

CASSIE, CHARLOTTE & KIDSYou, you!


CHARLOTTE & CASSIEI never knew that you could understand!

But I looked up and you reached out your handBut now, now, now I see a brand new you

CASSIE, CHARLOTTE & KIDSI open my eyes

CHARLOTTEAnd there’s a great big world around, I open my eyes

And just look, just look, look at what I found

CASSIE, CHARLOTTE & KIDSNa-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, nine, na-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, naNa-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, nine, na-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, na

Na-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, nine, na-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, naNa-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, nine, na-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, na

Na-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, na, na na-na, na, na-na, na, na-na, na, naNa-na, na na-na, na na-na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, yeah, yeah!

I open my eyes

CHARLOTTE & CASSIEAnd there’s a great, big world around

KIDSI open my eyes

CASSIEAnd just look, just lookLook at what I found

CASSIE, CHARLOTTE & KIDSOoh!

I see a brand new youOoh!




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13 the musical lyrics