130846418 Garshin the Scarlet Flower and Others Txt

7/30/2019 130846418 Garshin the Scarlet Flower and Others Txt

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/130846418-garshin-the-scarlet-flower-and-others-txt 1/118

VSEVOLODGARSHIN

THESCARLETFLOWER

FOREIGNLANGUAGESPUBLISHINGHOUSE

Moscow

TranslatedfromtheRussianbyBERNARDISAACSDesignedbyYEVGENYRAKUZIN

OCR:http://home.freeuk.com/russica2/

"Itooknoticeofyouthemomentyouappearedinliterature.Yourswasundoubtedlyanoriginaltalent....Everyageingwriter,whosincerelyloveshiscalling,isgladtodiscoverthathehassuccessors:youareoneofthem."IVANTURGENEV

Garshinwasbornin1853.Hecamefromanobleimpoverishedoldfamily,andreceivedhiseducationattheMiningInstitute.WhentheRusso-Turkishwarbrokeoutin1877hejoinedupasavolunteer.Garshin'sflrststory"FourDays"waswritteninhospitalafterhewaswounded.Apassionatedenunciationofwar'ssenselesscruelties,itwaspublishedintheprogressivemagazineOtechestvenniyeZapiskieditedbySaltykov-Shchedrin.ItmadeGarshin'sname,anddrewappreciativecommentsontheyoungauthorfromI.TurgenevandL.Tolstoi.

"TheScarletFlower,""FourDays,"and"AttaleaPrinceps,"includedinthepresentvolume,arethebestofGarshin'sstories.The"ScarletFlower"isrightlyconsideredtobethegemofhiscreation.Thisstoryaboutascarletpoppyandthecrazedherowhoenteredintosinglecombatwithalltheworld'sevilistoldwithrealaffectionandaprofoundknowledgeofthehumanheartThisstoryisdedicatedtoI.Turgenev,thegreatRussianwriter,whowasthefriendandteacherofGarshin.

CONTENTS

FourDays

TheCowardTheMeetingArtistsAttaleaPrincepsTheReminiscencesofPrivateIvanovTheScarletFlowerTheTaleoftheToadandtheRoseNadezhdaNikolayevnaTheSignalTheTravellingFrog



FOURDAYS

Irememberrunningthroughthewoods,forcingourwaythroughthehawthornbushes,whilethebulletswhizzedaroundus,snappingoffbranches.Theshootingbecameheavier.Redflashesspurtedhereandthereontheedgeofthewood.Sidorov,ayoungsoldierofCompanyOne("Whatishedoinginourskirmishline?"Ifoundmyselfwondering),suddenlyslumpeddownonthegroundandlookedbackatmeinsilencewithgreatfrightenedeyes.Bloodtrickledfromhismouth.Yes,Irememberthatclearly.Ialsorememberhow,inthedenseundergrowth,withinalmostastone'sthrowfromtheedgeofthewood,Ifirstsawhim....HewasahugefatTurk,butIwentstraightforhim,weakandthinthoughIwas.Therewasareport,andsomethingflewpastme,somethingenormous,itseemedtome;therewasaringinginmyears."Heisshootingatme,"camethethought.Withascreamofterrorherecoiledagainstathickhawthornbush.Hecouldhavegoneroundit,butinhisfearhedidnotknowwhathewasdoingandflunghimselfuponthepricklybranches.Istruckout,andknockedtherifleoutofhishands,thenstruckagainandfeltmybayonetsinkingintosomethingsoft.Therewasaqueersound,somethingbetweenasnarlandagroan.ThenIranon.Ourmenwereshouting"hurrah!",dropping,shooting.IrememberfiringseveralshotsafterIhadcomeoutofthewoodsintoaclearing.Suddenlythecheerssoundedlouderandweallmovedforwardagain.Ishouldhavesaid"ourmen"insteadof"we,"becauseIwas

leftbehind.Ithoughtitratherodd.Stillmoreoddwasitwhenallofasuddeneverythingdisappeared,andalltheshoutingandtheshootingweresilenced.Iheardnothing,andsawonlyapatchofblue;itmusthavebeenthesky.Thenthatwenttoo.

Ihaveneverbeeninsuchaqueerpositionbefore.Iamlying,Ibelieve,onmystomach,andseenothinginfrontofmebutasmallpatchofearth.Afewbladesofgrass,anant,itsheadlowered,crawlingalongwithoneofthem,bitsofrubbishfromlastyear'sgrass-thatismywholeworld.AndIseeitwithonlyoneeye,astheotheroneispressedhardupagainstsomething-nodoubtthebranchonwhichmyheadisresting.Iamterriblyuncomfortable,andwanttoshiftmyposition,andsimplycan'tunderstandwhyIamnotabletodoso.Timepasses.Ih

earthechirrofgrasshoppers,thehumofbees.Notasoundmore.Atlast,withaneffort,Idisengagemyrightarmfromundermybody,andpushingawayfromthegroundwithbothhands,Imakeanefforttogetuponmyknees.Apain,intenseandswiftaslightning,shootsthroughmywholebodyfromkneestochestandhead,andIfallback.Againdarkness,avoid.

Iwakeup.WhydoIseethestarsshiningsobrightlyintheblue-blackBulgariansky?AmInotinmytent?Whatmademecrawloutofit?Imakeamovementandfeelanexcruciatingpaininthelegs.Yes,Ihavebeenwounded.Isitdangerousornot?Bothmyrightandleftlegsareclottedwithblood.WhenItouchthemthepaingetsworse.It'slikeatoothache-acontinuousgnawingpain.Thereisaringinginmyears,andmyheadisweig

htedwithlead.DimlyIrealizethatIhavebeenhitinbothlegs.What'sthematter?Whydidn'ttheypickmeup?HavetheTurksbeatenus?Ibegintorecollectwhathappenedtome,atfirstvaguely,thenevermoreclearly,andcometotheconclusionthatwehavenotbeenbeatenatall.BecauseIdropped(Idonotactuallyrememberthat,butIdoremembereveryonerunningforwardwhileIwasn'tableto,andbeingleftbehindwithsomethingbluebeforemyeyes)-Idroppedintheclearing,justontopofthemound.Ourlittlebattalioncommanderhadpointedoutthatclearingtous."Makeforthat,boys!"hehadcriedinhisringingvoice.Andwehadmadeit,sowecouldnothavebeendefeated.Thenwhyhadn'ttheypickedmeup?Itwasanopenspothere,theycouldnothavemissedme.Besides,



Iprobablywasn'ttheonlyonelying-there.Theyhadbeenshootingsorapidly,Imustturnmyheadandhavealook.Icandothatmorecomfortablynow,becausewhenIhadcometomyselfthattimeandseentheantwiththebladeofgrasscrawlingalongheaddownwards,Ihadtriedtogetupandhaddroppedagainnotinmyformerpositionbutonmyback.That'swhyIcanseethestars.Iraisemyselfandsitup.It'sahardthingtodowithbothmylegscrippled.Ihadalmostgivenitupindespair,butmanageditatlastwithtearsofpainspringingtomyeyes.Overheadisabitofblue-blackskywithabigstarandseveralsmallonesshininginitsurroundedbysomethingdarkandtall.It'sthebushes.I'mintheundergrowth-theyhaveoverlookedme!Icanfeeltherootsofmyhaircrawlingonmyhead.ButwhatcouldIbedoingintheundergrowthwhenIwaswoundedintheclearing?Imusthavecrawledoverheredazedwithpain.TheoddpartaboutitisIcannotstiralimbnow,whilebeforeIhadbeenabletodragmyselfovertothesebushes.PerhapsIhadbeenhitonlyoncethen,andthesecondbullethadgotmehere.Faintpinkcirclesbegantoswimbeforemyeyes.Thebigstarfadedandsomeofthesmalleronesvanished.Itwasthemoonrising.Howgooditwasathomenow!Strangesoundsreachmyears.It'slikesomeonemoaning.Yes,it'samoan.Isitsomeoneelselyingnexttomeoverlooked,someonewithcrippledlegsorabulletinhisstomach?No,themoanssoundsonear,buttheredoesn'tseemtobeanyonenearme....MyGod,whyit'smemyself!Lowpiteousmoans;isthepainreallyasbadasthat?Itmustbe.OnlyIdonotrealizeit,myheadissoleadena

ndclouded.Ihadbetterliedownagainandgotosleep-tosleep,sleep....WouldIeverwakeup,though?Whocares.JustasIampreparingtoliedownabroadpalestripofmoonlightclearlyilluminestheplacewhereIamlying,andIseesomethingdarkandbiglyingwithinfivepacesofme.Themoonpicksoutbrightspotsonithereandthere.Thesearebuttonsoraccoutrement.It'sadeadbodyorawoundedman.Idon'tcarewhatitis-I'mgoingtoliedown....No,itcannotbe!Ourmencouldnothaveretreated.Theyarehere,theyhavedrivenbacktheTurksandareholdingthesepositions.Thenwhyistherenomurmuroftalk,nocrackleofcamp-fires?ItmustbethatIamtooweaktohearanything.Theymustbehere,Iamsure."Help!Help!"Wild,hoarse,franticcriesburstfrommythroat,butremainunanswered.Theyre

soundloudlyinthenightair.Allelseissilence.Onlythegrasshopperskeepuptheirceaselesschirp.Theroundfaceofthemoonlooksdownonmesorrowfully.Ifhewerewoundedhewouldhavecometofromsuchacry.Itisacorpse.OneofoursoraTurk?Ah,myGod!Whatdifferencedoesitmake?Andsleepdescendsuponmyburningeyes.

Iliewithclosedeyes,althoughIhavelongbeenawake.Idonotwanttoopenthem,asIcanfeelthesunlightthroughmyclosedeyelids;ifIopenthemtheglareofthesunwillhurt.AndIhadbetternotmoveeither.Yesterday(wasityesterday?)Iwaswounded;adayhaspassed;moredayswillpass,andIshalldie.Whocares.Ihadbetternotstir.Letmybodyliestill.IfonlyIcouldstopm

ybrainworking,too!Butnothingcancheckit.Thoughtsandmemoriesthronginmyhead.Thatisnotforlong,though;soontheendwillcome.Allthatwillremainwillbeafewlinesinthenewspaperssayingthatwehadsustainedfewcasualties-somanywounded,volunteerPrivateIvanovkilled.Theywillnotevenwritethename;just-onekilled.Oneprivate,likethatwretchedlittledog.Avividsceneleapstomymind.Itwaslongago;butthenmywholelife,thatlifeIhadlivedbeforeIlayherewithshotuplegs,wassolongago....Iwaswalkingdownthestreet,andthesightofacrowdofpeoplemademestop.Theywerestandinginsilence,lookingatableedingballofwhitethatwaswhimperingpiteously.Itwasaprettylittledogthathadbeenrunoverbyahorsetram.



Itwasdying,asIamnow.Ajanitorpushedthroughthecrowd,pickedthedogupbythescruffofitsneckandcarrieditaway.Thecrowddispersed.Wouldsomeonecarrymeaway?No,Iam-toliehereanddie.Andhowbeautifullifeis!Thatday(whentheaccidentoccurredtothedog)Iwashappy.Iwalkedalongdrunkwithjoy,andhadgoodreasontobe.Ah,achingmemories,leavemealone,donottormentme!Thejoythatwas,theanguishthatis...lettheanguishaloneremain;itiseasiertobearthanmemorieswhichcompelcomparisons.Ah,whatagony!Youareworsethanwounds!Itisbecominghot,though.Thesunisblazing.Iopenmyeyesandseethesamebushes,thesamesky,onlynowindaylight.Andthereismyneighbour.It'saTurk,acorpse.Whatahugeman!Iknowhim,it'sthatsameman....BeforemeliesthemanIhavekilled.WhatdidIkillhimfor?Heliestheredeadandgory.Whatfatehadcasthimhere?Whoishe?Perhapshe,too,likeme,hasanoldmother.Howlongwillshesitonthedoorstepofhersqualidlittleclayhutintheevenings,lookingnorthwardtoseewhetherherbelovedson,herbreadwinnerandworker,iscominghome?AndI?AndItoo....Iwouldgladlychangeplaceswithhim.Howhappyhemustbenottohearanything,nottofeelthepainofhiswounds,northedeadlyanguish,northethirst.....Thebayonethadpiercedhimtotheheart.Therewasabigblackholeinhisuniformwithbloodroundit.Ihaddonethat.Ihadnotmeantto.IhadhadnogrudgeagainstanyonewhenIwenttofight.ThethoughtthatIwouldhavetokillanybodyhadnotoccurredtomesomehow.Ihadmerelyseenmyselfputtingmyownchestouttomeetthebullets.AndIhadgoneanddoneso.

Andnowwhat?Ah,fool,fool!Andthispoorfellah(hewaswearingEgyptianuniform)-hewasstilllesstoblame.UntiltheywerepackedintoasteamerlikeherringsinabarrelandshippedtoConstantinople,hehadneverheardofRussiaorofBulgaria.Hehadbeentoldtogo,sohehadgone.Ifhehadnothewouldhavebeenbastinadoed,orsomepashaperhapswouldhaveshothimdownwitharevolver.HehadmadethelongandgruellingmarchfromStambultoRustchuk.Wehadattacked,hehaddefendedhimself.Butseeingwhatformidablemenwewere-menwhohadkeptpushingonandoninfaceofhispatentedEnglishPeabody-Martinirifle-terrorhadstruckhisheart.Andwhenhehadwantedtoretreat,somelittlefellow,whomhecouldhavekilledwithoneblowofhisdarkfist,hadrushedathimandplungedhisbayonetintohisheart.Wasithisfault?Wasitmyfault,forthatmatter,althoughIdidkillhim?Thisthirstisterrib

le.Thirst!Whoknowswhatthatwordmeans!EvenwhenweweregoingthroughRumania,marchingfiftyverstsadayunderaterrificheatofoverahundreddegrees,IhadneverfeltwhatIamfeelingnow.Ah,Iwishsomebodywouldcome!MyGod!Why,hemusthavesomewaterinthathugeflaskofhis!HowcanIgettoit,though.Atwhatcost?ButgettoitImust.Ibegintocrawl.Mylegsdrag,myweakenedarmsbarelypushmyinertbodyforward.Thecorpselieswithinfifteenfeetofme,butformethisismore-notmore,butworse-thanfifteenmiles.ButcrawluptoitImust.Mythroatburns.Besides,you'llonlydiequickerwithoutwater.Asitis,youstandsomechance.AndIcrawlforward.Mylegsdragovertheground,andeverymovementisagony.Iscream,screamandweepwithpain,butcrawlon.AtlastIreachthebody.Thereistheflask...ithaswaterinit-alotofwater!Itmustbeatleasthalffull.Oh,thatwaterwilllastmealongtime-itwilllastmetillIdie!

Youaresavingmylife,mypoorvictim!Leaningononeelbow,Ibegintounstraptheflask,whensuddenlyIlosemybalanceandfallfacedownwardonmysaviour'schest.Heisbeginningtogiveoffastrongsmellofputrefaction.

Idrinkmyfill.Thewateristepid,butitisstilldrinkableandthereisalotofit.Itwillkeepmealiveafewmoredays.IrememberreadinginThePhysiologyofEverydayLifethatamancouldlivewithoutfoodforoveraweek,solongashehadwater.Itgavethestoryofasuicidewhohadkilledhimselfbystarvation.Ithadtakenhimalongtimetokillhimselfbecausehehadhadwaterto



drink.Whatofit?WhatifIdoliveanotherfiveorsixdays?Ourmenhaveretreated,theBulgarianshaverunaway.Thereisnoroadnearby.AllthesameI'lldie.Onlyinsteadofthreedays'agonyIhavegivenmyselfaweek.Woulditnotbebettertoputanendtoit?Nexttomyneighbourlieshisrifle,anexcellentEnglishfire-arm.Ineedonlystretchmyhandout;then-inaflash-itwillallbeover.Thecartridgesliethere,too,allinaheap.Hehadnothadtimetousethemup.Well,shouldIgetdonewithit,orwait?Waitforwhat?Rescue?Death?WaituntiltheTurkscomeandstartflayingme,strippingtheskinoffmywoundedlegs?Bettertoputanendtoitmyself.ButImustnotloseheart;Imustholdon,fighttillmylastounceofstrength.Iftheyfindme,Iamsaved.Perhapsmybonesareuninjured;theywillpatchmeup.I'llseemycountry,mymother,Masha....God,don'tletthemlearnthewholetruth!LetthemthinkIwaskilledonthespot.WhatwillhappentothemwhentheyfindoutthatIhadbeensufferingfortwo,three,fourdays!Ifeeldizzy;thatjourneytomyneighbourhastakenitoutofme.Andthathorriblesmell,too.Howblackhehasgone...whatwillhebeliketomorroworthedayafter?IamlyinghereonlybecauseIhaven'tthestrengthtodragmyselfaway.I'llhavearestandcrawlbacktomyoldplace;thewind,bytheway,isblowingfromthatdirectionandwillcarrythestinkawayfromme.Iamlyingutterlyexhausted.Thesunisburningmyfaceandhands.Ihavenothingtocovermyselfupwith.Iwishitwerenightalready;itwillbethesecond,

Ibelieve.Mythoughtswander,andIdropoff.

Isleptalongtime,becausewhenIwokeupitwasalreadynight.Everythingisthesame:mywoundshurt,myneighbourliesthereashugeandstillasever.Ican'thelpthinkingabouthim.HadIgivenupallthatIloved,allthatwasdeartome,hadImadethisthousand-milemarchouthere,sufferingfromhunger,coldandtheblazingheat,didIlienowhereinsuchagony,merelyforthesakeoftakingthatpoorman'slife?WhatusefulmilitaryobjectivehadIachievedapartfromthismurder?Murder,murder....Andwho?I!WhenIhaddecidedtogoandfight,mymotherandMashahadnottriedtodissuad

eme,althoughtheyhadcriedoverme.Blindedbyanidea,Ihadnotseenthosetears.Ihadnotrealized(nowIdo)whatIhaddonetothoseIlove.What'stheuseoflookingbacknow!Thepastisgoneanddonewith.Andhowqueerlymanyofmyacquaintanceshadregardedmybehaviour!"Themaniscrazy!Hedoesn'tknowwhathe'slettinghimselfinfor!"Howcouldtheysaythat?Rowdosuchwordstallywiththeirnotionsofheroism,loveofcountryandothersuchthings?TothemIwastheembodimentofallthosevirtues.Andyettheycalledme"crazy."AndsoIwenttoKishinev;Iwasloadedupwithaknapsackandallkindsofmilitaryequipment.AndIwentoffwiththousandsofothers,amongwhomyouwouldhardlyfindmorethanafewoddmenlikeme,whohadvolunteered.Therestwouldhavestayedathomeifithaddependeduponthem.Yettheygoaswe"intelligentones"go,marchingthousandsofmilesandfightingjustaswell,ifnotbettert

hanwedo.Theyperformtheirdutiesdespitethefactthattheywouldimmediatelydropthewholethingandgoawayiftheyonlyhadthechance.Akeenmorningwindspringsup.Thebushesbegintostir,andasleepybirdtakeswing.Thestarsgrowdim.Thedark-blueskypalesandbecomesfleckedwithsoftfleecyclouds;greyshadowsrisefrom,theearth.Itisthethirddayofmy....WhatcanIcallit?Life?Agony?'Thethird....Howmanymoreremained?Atanyrateveryfew.Ihavegrownveryweak,andIdon'tthinkI'llbeabletomoveawayfromthecorpse.Soonweshallbeoneventermsandwon'tbeobjectionabletoeachother.Imusthaveadrink.Iwilldrinkthreetimesaday-morning,noonandevening.



Thesunhasrisen.Itshugedisk,criss-crossedwiththeblackbranchesoftheunderbrush,isred,likeblood.Itisgoingtobehottoday,Ithink.Whatisgoingtohappentoyou,neighbour?Godknowsyouarehideousenoughasitis!;Yes,hewashideous.Hishairhadbeguntofallout.Hisskin,whichwasnaturallydark,hadbecomeblanchedandyellow;thebloatedfacehaddrawnitsotightthatithadsplitbehindtheear.Wormswereswarmingthere.Hisbootedfeetwereswollen,andhugeblisterspushedoutbetweenthehooks.Hiswholebodyhaddistendedenormously.Whatwouldthesundotohimtoday?Lyingsoclosetohimwasunbearable.Imustcrawlawayatallcost.ButcouldIdoit?Icanstillliftmyhandtoopentheflaskandhaveadrink,butshiftingmyheavy,inertbody?ButImustmoveaway,nomatterhowlittle-beitevenattherateofhalfapaceanhour.Ispendthewholeofthatmorningmovingaway.Thepainisbad,butwhatdoesitmatternow!Inolongerremember,Icannotevenimagine,whatthesensationofahealthymanis.InfactIseemtohavegotusedtothepain.ThatmorningImanage,afterall,tocrawlawayaboutfifteenfeet,andfindmyselfontheoldspot.ButIwasnottoenjoythefreshairforlong-ifyoucancallitfreshairwithinsixorsevenpacesofadecayingcorpse.Thewindhasshiftedroundandthestenchisnauseating.Ihaveagrippingpaininthepitofmyemptystomach.Thefetidcontaminatedairkeepsflowingovermeinsickeningwaves.Indespair,Istartcrying....

Utterlywornoutandstupefied,Ilayalmostunconscious.Suddenly....Coulditbethefancyofanexcitedimagination?Hardly.Yes,itwasasoundofvoices.Thetrampofhorses'hoofs,humanvoices.Iwasabouttocryout,butcheckedmyself.WhatiftheywereTurks?Whatthen?Tothesetortureswouldbeaddedothersmorehorrible,torturesthemerereadingaboutwhichinthenewspapersmakesone'shairstanduponend.Theywouldskinmealive,roastmywoundedlegs.Imightevenexpectworse;theyweresodiabolicallyingenious.Wereitreallybettertoendmylifeintheirhandsthantodiehere?Butwhatiftheyareourownmen?Damnthosebushes!Whyhaveyougrownallroundmeinsuchathickwall?Icanseenothingthroughthem;onlyinoneplaceasmallgapbetweenthebranchesallowsmeaglimpseofahollowinthedistance.Thereisabrookthere,Ibelieve-thebrookfromwhichwedrankbeforegoingintobattle.Yes,andthereist

hegreatslabofsandstonethrownacrossthebrook.Theywillprobablyrideoverit.Themurmurofvoicesceases.Icannotmakeoutwhatlanguagetheyarespeaking-myhearinghasgrownweaker.God!Ifit'sourmen....I'llshouttothem;theywillhearmeatthatdistance,surely.Betterthanrunningtheriskoffallingintotheclutchesofthebashibazouks.Butwherearetheysolong?Iaminanagonyofsuspense;Idon'tevensmellthecorpse,althoughthestenchofitisasbadasever.AllofasuddenIcatchsightofCossacksatthecrossingofthestream!Blueuniforms,red-stripedtrousers,lances.Halfasotniaofthem.Attheheadablack-beardedofficeronamagnificenthorse.Nosoonerhadtheunitcrossedthestreamthanheturnedbackinhissaddleandshouted:"Forward,atthetrot!""Stop,forGod'ssake,stop!Help,brothers,help!"Ishout,butthetrampoftheheavyhorses,theclatterofsabresandthenoisytalkoftheCossacksarelou

derthanmyhoarsecries-theydonothearme!Damnation!Exhausted,Ifallfacedownwardsonthegroundandbegintosob.Ihaveupsettheflaskandfromitflowsthewater-mylife,mysalvation,myrespitefromdeath.BythetimeInoticeitthereishardlymorethanhalfaglassofwaterleft;alltheresthasdrainedawayintothedrythirstyearth.Whatwordscandescribethenumbstupefactionthatcameovermeafterthatfrightfulexperience?Ilaymotionlesswithhalf-closedeyes.Thewindkeptshifting,nowblowingfreshcleanairuponme,nowoverpoweringmewithputridwhiffs.Myneighbourthatdayhadbecomehideousbeyonddescription.Once,whenIopenedmyeyestoglanceathim,Iwasappalled.Hisfacehadgone.Ithadslidoffthe



bones.Theghastlyskull,fixedintheeternalgrinofdeath,wasmorerepulsivetomethaneverbefore,althoughIhadoftenhadoccasiontohandleskullsandanatomizewholeheads.Thisskeletoninuniformwithshiningbuttonsmademeshudder."Thatiswar,"Ithought,"thereisitsimage."Meanwhiletheblazingsunbeatsdownrelentlessly.Myhandsandfacearescorched.Ihavefinishedtherestofthewater.IwassufferingsokeenlyfromthirstthatIhadswalloweditallinagulp,althoughIhaddecidedtotakeonlyasip.Ah,whyhadn'tIshoutedtotheCossackswhentheyweresoclosetome!EveniftheyhadbeentheTurksitwouldstillbebetterthanthis.Atmosttheywouldhavetorturedmeforanhour,orperhapstwohours;asitisIdon'tknowhowlongIwillhavetoliehereinthisagony.Oh,Mother,darling!Tearyourgreyhair,beatyourheadagainstthewall,cursethedayyougavebirthtome,cursetheworldforhavinginventedthescourgeofwar!ButyouandMashawillprobablyneverhearofthetorturesIamundergoing.Farewell,Mother,farewell,mysweetheart,mylove!Oh,theanguish,thepain!Myheartcriesout.Againthatwhitelittledog!Thejanitorhadhadnopityforit;hehadknockeditsheadagainstawallandflungitintothedusthole.Butitwasstillalive.Ithadsufferedthewholeday.ButIamstillmorewretched,becauseIhavebeensufferingforthreewholedays.Tomorrowwillbethefourth,afterthatthefifth,thenthesixth....Death,whereareyou?Come,comeandtakeme!Butdeathdoesnotcomeanddoesnottakeme.AndIlieunderthatterriblesunwithnotadropofwatertocoolmyburningthroat,whilethecorpsepoisonstheairaroundme.Ithasdecomposedcompletely.Massesofswarmingwormsdropfrom

it.Whenheisconsumedandonlyhisbonesanduniformremain,itwillbemyturn.AndIwillbejustlikethat.Thedaypasses,thenthenight.Nochange.Thencomesmorning.Nochange.Anotherdaypasses....Thebushesstirandrustle,asifholdingawhisperedconversation."Youwilldie,sure,sure,sure!"theymurmur."You'llnotsee,see,see!"answerthebushesfromtheotherside."Youcan'tseethemhere!"aloudvoicesoundscloseby.WithastartIcometomyselfinaninstant.ThekindlyblueeyesofYakovlev,ourlance-corporal,gazeuponmeoutofthebushes."Spades!"heshouts."Therearetwomorehere-oneofoursandoneoftheirs.""Don'tbringspades,don'tburyme,I'malive!"Iwanttoshout,butonlyafaintmoanescapesmyparchedlips.

"Goodheavens!Ithinkhe'salive!Mr.Ivanov,d'youhearme,sir?Boys!Comeoverhere,quick,thegentlemanisalive!Callthesurgeon!"

Halfaminutelaterwater,vodkaandsomeotherdrinkwerebeingpoureddownmythroat.Theneverythingdisappeared.Thestretchermovesforwardwithameasuredswing.Therhythmicmovementlullsme.Icometomyselfanddozeoffagain.Mydressedwoundsdonothurtme;adelightfullanguorflowsthroughmybody."Ha-a-alt!Lowerstretchers!Relievingsquad,fallin!Stretchers,up!Forward!"ThesecommandsarebeingissuedbyPyotrIvanovich,ourmedicalofficer,atall,thin,verykind-heartedman.HeissotallthatbyturningmyeyesinhpdirectionIcanalwaysseehisheadwithitslongstragglybeardandhisshoulderstow

eringabovetheheadsofthefourtallsoldierswhoarecarryingthestretcherontheirshoulders."PyotrIvanovich!"Iwhisper."Whatisit,mydearboy?"heasks,bendingoverme."Whatdidthedoctortellyou,PyotrIvanovich?WillIdiesoon?""Die-whoevertoldyouthat!You'renotgoingtodie.Allyourbonesarewhole.You'realuckyfellow!Nobonesorarteriesaffected.Ican'tunderstandhowyoumanagedtosurvivethesethreeandahalfdays.Whatdidyoueat?""Nothing.""Anddrink?"



"ItooktheflaskfromtheTurk.Ican'ttalknow,PyotrIvanovich.I'lltellyoulater.""Why,ofcourse,mydearchap.Gotosleep."Sleepagain,oblivion....

Icometomyselfinthedivisionalhospital.Doctorsandnursesarestandingoverme,andamongthemIseethefamiliarfaceofaneminentSt.Petersburgprofessor;heisbendingovermylegs.Hishandsarebloody.Heisnotlongatit.Thenheturnstome,saying:"Well,youcanthankyourluckystars,youngman!You'regoingtolive.We'vetakenawayoneofyourlegs,though;butthat'snothing.Areyouabletospeak?"Iwas,andItoldthemeverythingIhavedescribedhere.

1877

THECOWARD

Thewarworriesmeverymuch.Iclearlyseeitdraggingon,andwhenitwillenditishardtopredict.Oursoldiersarestillthesamesplendidsoldierstheyalwayshavebeen,buttheenemy,itseems,isbynomeansasweakaswehadthoughthimtobe.Itisnowfourmonthssincewarwasdeclared,andstillwehaveno

tgainedanydecisivevictory.Yeteverydaycarriesoffhundredsoflives.Idonotknowwhetheritisbecausemynervesarelikethat,butthecasualtylistsaffectmemuchmorestronglythantheydothosearoundme.Amancalmlyreads:"Casualtiesonoursideinsignificant,suchandsuchofficerswounded,amongthelowerranks50menkilled,100wounded,"andisgladthattheyaresofew,butwhenIreadsuchareportitimmediatelybringsawholebloodypicturetomymind.Fiftykilledandahundredmaimed-andthatiscalledinsignificant!Whyareweshockedwhenthepapersreportamurderinvolvingthelivesofonlyafewpeople?Whydoesthesightofbullet-riddledcorpsesstrewingthebattle-fieldhorrifyuslessthanthespectacleofahomedespoiledbyamurderer?WhyisitthattheTiligulskayaembankmentdisaster,whichtooktollofascoreorsooflives,causedasensationthroughoutRussia,whereasoutpostskirmishesinvolving"insignificant"lossesofthesamenumberoflivesbarelyattractattention?

Lvov,amedicalstudentofmyacquaintance,withwhomIoftenhaveargumentsaboutthewar,toldmetheotherday,"Well,Mr.Pacifist,weshallseehowthosehumaneconvictionsofyourswilllookinpracticewhenyouaretakenintothearmyandmadetoshootatothermen.""Theywon'ttakemeintothearmy,Vasily,becauseI'menrolledinthemilitia.""Butifthewardragsontheywillstartdrawingonthemilitia.Don'tyouworry,yourturnwillcome,too."Myheartsank.Howisitthatthatthoughthadneveroccurredtomebefore?Theycertainlywouldstartonthemilitia,forthatmatter."Ifthewardragson"...yes,itprobablywould.Inanycase,ifthiswardoesnotlastlong,anotheronewillbestarted.Whynotwagewar?Whynotperformgreatdeeds?Ibelievethatthiswarisbutthepreludetofuturewars,fromwhichthereisnoescapeeitherformyself,mylittlebrotherormysister'sbaby.Myturnwillcomeveryso

on.Wherewillyour"I"bethen?Youprotestagainstwarwithallyourbeing,butwarneverthelesswillmakeyoushoulderarifleandgoouttokillandbekilled.It'simpossible!I,amild,good-naturedyoungman,whouptillnowhadknownonlyhisbooks,thelectureroom,hisfamilyandafewclosefriends,whohadbeenplanninginayearortwotobeginanewlabour,alabourofloveandtruth;I,moreover,whowasaccustomedtokeepanopenmindabouttheworld,accustomedtohaveitalwaysbeforeme,whothoughtIunderstoodtheeviliniteverywhere,andsowasabletoavoidit-Iseethewholeedificeofmyserenitydestroyed,andmyselfhuddlingontheveryshirtwhoserentsandstainsIhadjustbeenexami



ning.Andnointellectualdevelopment,noawarenessofmyselfandtheworld,nospiritualfreedomcangivemewretchedphysicalfreedom-freedomtodisposeofmyownbody.

LvovchuckleswhenIbegintoairmyprotestsagainstwar."Don'ttakethingssoseriously,mydearfellow,you'llfindlifeeasier,"hesays."DoyouthinkIlikethisslaughter?ApartfromitbeingacalamitytoeveryoneIhaveapersonalgrudgeagainstit,becauseitdoesn'tgivemeachancetofinishmyeducation.They'llspeedupthecourseandrushusofftoamputatearmsandlegs.ButIdon'tgoinforidlespeculationonthehorrorsofwar,becausenoamountofthinkingonmypartwillhelpdoawaywithit.Thebestthingreallyisnottothinkaboutitandjustgoonwithyourbusiness.Andiftheydosendmetotreatthewounded,I'llgoanddoit.Youcan'thelpit,you'vegottomakeasacrificeatsuchatime.Bytheway,doyouknowthatMashaisgoingoutasanurse?""Isshe?""Shemadeuphermindthedaybeforeyesterday,andtodayshewenttopractisedressing.Ididnothingtodissuadeher;Ionlyaskedherwhatshewasgoingtodoaboutherstudies.I'llfinishthemafterwardsifI'mstillalive,'shesays.There'snoharminmysistergoing,itwilldohergood.""WhataboutKuzma?""Kuzmasaysnothing,hegoesaboutlookingasdismalasafuneral,andhasdroppedhisstudiesaltogether.I'mgladforhissakethatmysisterisgoingaway;t

hemanisjusteatinghisheartout,hefollowsheraboutlikeashadow,alostsoul.That'swhatlovedoes!"VasilyLvovshookhishead."Now,too,hehasrunofftomeether,asifshehasneverwalkedhomebyherself!""Idon'tthinkit'sright,himlivingwithyou,Vasily.""Ofcourse,itisn't,butwhocouldhaveforeseenthis?Theflatistoobigformeandmysister-there'saspareroom,sowhynotletittoaniceman?-Ithought.Andthatnicemangoesandfallsmadlyinlove.Totellyouthetruth,I'mannoyedwithher,too.What'swrongwithKuzma?Isn'theasgoodassheis?He'sanice,kind-heartedchap,andnofooleither.Buthemightnotexistforallthenoticeshetakesofhim.However,youbettergetoutofmyroom,I'mbusy.IfyouwanttoseemysisterandKuzmayou'dbetterwaitinthedining-room,they'llsoonbehere.""No,Vasily,Ihavenotimeeither.Good-bye."AssoonasIsteppedoutintothestreetIsawMashaandKuzma.Theywerewalkingalonginsilence:Mashainfron

twithanairofstudiedpreoccupation,Kuzmaalittletoonesideandbehind,asthoughhedarednotwalknexttoher,andthrowingoccasionalglancesatheroutofthetailofhiseye.Theypassedmewithoutseeingme.

Icannotdoanything,Icannotthinkaboutanything.IhavereadareportaboutthethirdbattleofPlevna.ThecasualtiesaretwelvethousandRussiansandRumaniansalone,notcountingTurks.Twelvethousand....Thefiguredancesbeforemyeyesintheshapeofsigns,orstretchesinanendlessribbonofcorpseslyinginarow.Laidshouldertoshouldertheywouldformaroadeightmileslong....Whatisthis?IwastoldsomethingaboutSkobelevabouthimrushingsomewhere,attackingsomething,takingsomeredoubtorother,orhavingittakenfromhim...Idon'treme

mber.InallthisghastlybusinessIrememberandseeonlyonething-aheapofcorpses,formingapedestalformightydeedstoberecordedonthetabletsofhistory.Perhapsthatishowitshouldbe-Iamnojudge;Idonotargueaboutthewar,myattitudetowardsitisthenaturalimpulseofamanshockedbythefrightfulbloodshed.Abullseeinghisownkindbutcheredbeforehiseyeswouldprobablyhaveasimilarfeeling.Hedoesnotunderstandwhatpurposehisdeathwillserve,andmerelystaresatthebloodwithbulgingterror-filledeyesandbellowsinafranticheart-rendingvoice.



AmIacowardornot?IwastoldtodaythatIwas.True,IwastoldthatbyaveryfrivolouspersoninwhosepresenceIhadvoicedafearofbeingtakenintothearmyandhadmentionedmyunwillingnesstofight.Heropiniondidnotbotherme,butithadraisedaquestion:wasInotreallyacoward?Perhapsallmyindignationagainstwhateveryoneconsideredtobeagreatcausecamemerelyfromafearformyownskin?Whatindeedwasoneunimportantlifewithsuchagreatcauseatstake?AndwasIcapableofriskingmylifeforanycauseatall?Thosequestionsweresoondismissed.Iwentovermywholelife,allthoseoccasions-true,veryfew-whenIhadlookeddangerintheface,andIcouldnotaccusemyselfofcowardice.Ihadnotbeenafraidformylifethen,andIwasnotafraidnow.Consequently,itwasnotdeaththatdismayedme....Morebattles,moredeathsandsufferings.AfterreadingthenewspaperIamincapableofturningmyhandtoanything:thebookisfilledwithrowsofprostratemeninsteadofletters,andthepenislikeaweaponinflictingblackwoundsuponthewhitepaper.IfthisgoesonmuchlongerIshouldnotbesurprisedifIstarthavinghallucinations.Inowhaveanewcare,though,thathassomewhattakenmymindoffthisever-presentdepressingthought.IwenttotheLvovslastnightandfoundthemhavingtea.Thebrotherandsisterweresittingatthetable,whileKuzmawaspacingswiftlyfromcornertocorner,holdinghisswollenface,whichwastiedupwithahandkerchief."What'sthematter?"Iaskedhim.Hemerelywavedhishandbywayofreplyandcontinuedhispacing."Hehadatoothache,andnowhe'sgotabigabscesswithaswollencheek,"said

Masha."Itoldhimtogoandseeadoctor,buthewouldn't,andthisistheresult.""Thedoctorwillbeheresoon;Ihavebeenforhim,"saidVasily."Therewasnoneedto,"Kuzmamuttered."Whatdoyoumean,youmayhaveaneffusion.Andyouwalkabout,althoughIhaveaskedyoutoliedown.Doyouknowwhatitmayleadto?""Whocares!"Kuzmamuttered."Don'tbesilly,KuzmaFomich.Whatdoyoumeanwhocares?"Mashasaidquietly.ThewordshadasoothingeffectuponKuzma.Heevensatdownatthetableandaskedforsometea.Mashapouredoutaglassandpassedittohim.InreceivingitfromherhandsheworeablissfullooksocomicallyincongruousonhisswollenfacethatIcouldnothelpsmiling.Vasilysmiledtoo.MashaalonelookedatKuzmagravelyandcompassionately.

Thedoctor,abluffjovialmanfreshasanapple,arrived.Afterexaminingthepatient'sneckhishabitualcheerfulexpressiongaveplacetoalookofconcern."Letusgointoyourroom;Imustexamineyouproperly,"hesaid.IfollowedthemintoKuzma'sroom.Thedoctormadehimgetintobedandbegantoexploretheupperpartofhischestwithcarefulfingers."Well,well,you'llhavetostayinbed,mydearsir,andnogettingup.Haveyouanyfriendswhocouldsparesomeoftheirtimeforyou?"thedoctorasked."Ithinkso,"Kuzmaansweredinapuzzledtone."Iwouldaskthem,"thedoctorsaid,addressingmeaffably,"towatchbythepatient'sbedsidefromthisdayon,andifanythingnewdevelops,tosendforme."Helefttheroom;Vasilysawhimoutintothepassage,wheretheystoodforalongtimetalkinginlowtones,whileIjoinedMasha.Shewassittingwistfullywi

thherheadrestingonherhand,slowlystirringherteawiththeotherhand."Thedoctorhasorderedsomeonetositwithhim.""Why,istherereallyanydanger?"Mashaasked,alarmed."Isupposeso;otherwisetherewouldbenoneedforsittingwithhim.Youwon'tmindnursinghim,Masha,willyou?""Ofcoursenot!There,yousee,Ihaven'tbeentothewaryetandIhavetostartnursingalready.Letusgointohim;hemustbemiserablethereallalone."Kuzmagreeteduswithasmileasmuchashisswollencheekwouldallow."That'sniceofyou,"hesaid."Ithoughtyouhadforgottenmealready.""No,KuzmaFomich,wecan'tforgetyounow-wehavetositupwithyou.Seewhat



disobedienceleadsto,"Mashasaidwithasmile."Willyou,too?"Kuzmaaskedtimidly."Yes,onlyyou'vegottoobeyme."Kuzmashuthiseyesandflushedwithpleasure."Oh,yes,"hesuddenlysaid,turningtome;"pleasegivemethelooking-glass,willyou-it'slyingonthetablethere."Ihandedhimaroundlittlelooking-glass;Kuzmaaskedmetoplaythelightonhim,andwiththeaidoftheglassheexaminedhisswollencheekandneck.Hisfacedarkened,andalthoughweallthreetriedourbesttodiverthim,hedidnotutterawordmorethewholeevening.TodayIwastolddefinitelythatthemilitiawouldbecalledup;Ihadbeenexpectingit,andsothenewswasnotexactlystartling.IcouldescapethefateIsomuchfearedbymakinguseofcertaininfluentialconnectionstoremaininSt.Petersburgwhileatthesametimebeingintheservice.Theycould"fixmeup"here,ifonlyasaclerk.Butfirstofall,Ihatehavingtoresorttosuchmethods,andsecondly,somethingwithinme,somethingthateludesdefinition,weighstheprosandconsofmypositionandforbidsmetoshirkthearmy."It'swrong,"theinnervoicetellsme.

SomethingInevercouldhaveexpectedhashappened.IcamethismorningtorelieveMashaatKuzma'sbedside.Shemetmeatthedoor,wornoutandpaleafterasleeplessnightandwitheyesredfromweeping."What'sthematter,Masha?"

"Notsoloud,please,"shewhispered."Youknow,it'sallover.""What'sallover?He'snotdead,ishe?""Notyet,butthere'snohope.Bothdoctors-wecalledinanotherone,youknow...."Hervoicechokedwithtears."Goinandhavealookathim.Let'sgoin.""Dryyoureyesfirstanddrinksomewater,otherwiseyouwillupsethimaltogether.""Itdoesn'tmatter.It'snotasifhedoesn'tknow.Heknewityesterdaywhenheaskedforthelooking-glass;hewastohavebeenadoctorhimselfsoon."Theheavyodourofthedissecting-roomfilledthesickchamber.Kuzma'sbedhadbeenmovedoutintothemiddleoftheroom.Hislonglegs,bigbody,andarmsstretcheddownhissidesweresharplyoutlinedundertheblanket.Hiseyeswerecl

osed,andhebreathedslowlyandpainfully.Heseemedtohavegrownthinnerovernight;hisclammyfacehadasicklycolour."What'sthematterwithhim?"Iaskedinawhisper."He'lltellyouhimself.Youstaywithhim,Ican't."Shewentout,herfaceburiedinherhands,herbodyrackedbystifledsobs,andIsatdownbythebed,waitingforKuzmatowakeup.Therewasadeathlystillnessintheroom,brokenonlybythewatchtickingoutitsquietlittlesongonthebedsidetable,andbythesickman'sslowheavybreathing.Ilookedathisfaceandcouldnotrecognizeit;notthathisfeatureshadalteredsostrongly~no;butIsawhiminquiteanewlight.IhadknownKuzmaforalongtime,wewerechums(althoughtherehadbeennoparticularfriendshipbetweenus),butneverhadIhadcausetoenterintohisfeelingsasIdidnow.Ithoughtofhislife,hisfailuresandhisjoysasiftheyhadbeenmyown.Uptillnow,inhislovef

orMasha,Ihadseenmostlythecomicalside,butIrealizednowforthefirsttimehowkeenlythatmanmusthavesuffered."Ishisconditionreallydangerous?"Ithought."Itcan'tbe;amancan'tdieofastupidtoothache.Mashaiscryingoverhim,buthe'llgetbetterandeverythingwillbewell."Heopenedhiseyesandsawme.Withoutanychangeofexpression,hebegantospeakslowly,pausingaftereachword."Hullo...sothereyouare....That'stheendofme....Comesosuddenly...sofoolishly....""Butwhat'sthematterwithyou,Kuzma,can'tyoutellme?Perhapsitisn'tsobadatall."



"Notsobad,yousay?No,mydearchap,it'sverybad.Thesignsaretoosimpleformetomistakethem.Here,havealook!"Slowlyandmethodicallyheturnedbacktheblanketandunbuttonedhisshirt.Thefoulodourofputrefactionassailedme.Beginningfromtherightsideofhisneck,overanareathesizeofone'shand,Kuzma'schestwasblackasvelvetwithaslightlylividtinge.Itwasgangrene.Ihavebeensittingatthesickman'sbedsideforfourdayswithoutclosinganeye,takingitinturnswithMashaandherbrother.Lifeseemedtobehanginginhimbyabarethread,butstillrefusedtoquithisstrongbody.Apieceofblackdeadfleshhadbeencutoutofhimandthrownawaylikearag,andthedoctorhadgivenordersforthegreatgapingwoundleftaftertheoperationtobebathedeverytwohours.EverytwohoursthetwoorthreeofusturnKuzmaoverandraisehishugebody,uncovertheterriblesoreandbatheitwithasolutionofcarbolicbymeansofarubbertube.Itspraysthewound,andKuzmasometimesfindsthestrengthtosmile,because,hesays,"itticklesso."Likeallpeoplewhoareseldomill,helikestobenursedandtendedlikeachild,andwhenMashatakeswhathecalls"thereins"-thatis,therubbertube-intoherhandsandbeginstosprayhim,heishighlypleased,andsaysthatnoonecandoitsoskilfullyasshedoes,althoughthetubeoftenshakesinherhandsanddrenchesthewholebed.Whatachangeintheirrelations!Masha,whohadbeensomethingunattainabletohim,somethinghehadnotevendaredtolookat,andwhohadhardlytakenanynoticeofhim,wasnowoftentobefoundweepingquietlyathisbedsidewhenheslept,andnursinghimtenderly,whilehecalmlyacceptedherattentionsasamatt

erofcourse,andspoketoherasafathertohislittledaughter.Sometimeshesurfersverymuch.Hiswoundburns,andherunsahighfever.Atsuchmomentsoddthoughtscomeintomyhead.IseeKuzmaasamereunit,oneofthosewhogotomakeupthetensofthousandsreportedindispatches.HisillnessandsufferingsarethemeasurebywhichItrytogaugetheevilcausedbythewar.Howmuchpainandanguishwashereinasingleroom,asinglebed,asinglebreast-andallthisbutadropintheoceanofsufferingandsorrowexperiencedbythevastmassofhumanbeings,whoaresentforward,drawnback,andstrewnoverthefieldsinheapsofbodies,deadandbleeding,groaningandsquirming.Iamutterlywornoutbylackofsleepandbydepressingthoughts.ImustaskVasilyorMashatositupformewhileItakeanapforatleastacoupleofhours.

Isleptlikethedeadonthelittlesofa,andwokeuptofindsomebodyshakingmebytheshoulder."Getup!"saidMasha.Ijumpedupandlookedaboutdazedly.Mashawaswhisperingsomethingtomeinaquickpanickyvoice."Patches,newpatches!"Imadeoutatlast."Whatpatches,where?""Oh,myGod,hedoesn'tunderstand!TherearenewpatchesonKuzma.I'vesentforthedoctor.""Perhapsit'snothing,"Isaidwiththeapathyofamanjustrousedfromsleep."Nothing?Justhavealook!"Kuzmalaysprawlinginaheavyrestlesssleep,tossinghisheadfromsidetosidewithanoccasionallowmoan.Hischestwasuncovered,andaninchbelowtheba

ndagedwoundIsawtwonewblackpatches.Thegangrenehadpenetrateddeeperundertheskin,spreadunderitandcomeoutintwoplaces.AlthoughIhadentertainedlittlehopeofKuzmarecovering,thesightofthosesinisternewsignschasedthebloodfrommyface.Mashasatinacorneroftheroomwithherhandsinherlap,lookingatmewitheyesfullofdespair."Youmustn'tgivewaytodespair,Masha.Thedoctorwillcomeandhavealook;theremaystillbesomehope.Wemaystillpullhimthrough.""Weshan't,he'lldie,"shewhispered."Well,ifwedon't,he'lldie,"Iansweredjustasquietly."It'llbeahardblo



wtoallofus,ofcourse,butyoumustn'ttakeonlikethat-youlookhalfdeadyourselftheselastfewdays.""DoyouknowwhattortureIhavebeensufferingthesedays?Ican'taccountforitmyselfreally.Ididn'tlovehim,youknow,andevennowIdon'tthink1lovehimasmuchashelovesme,butifhediesitwillbreakmyheart.Ishallalwaysbethinkingofhisintentgaze,hisconstantsilenceinmycompany,althoughhecouldspeakwellandlikedtotalk.Ishallalwaysreproachmyselfinmyheartfornothavingpitiedhim,fornothavingappreciatedhismind,hisheart,hisaffection.Itmaysoundfunnytoyou,butIamnowconstantlytormentedbythethoughtthatifIhadlovedhimthingswouldbequitedifferentnow,everythingwouldhaveturnedoutdifferently,andthisterribleridiculousillnessmightnothavehappened.Ikeeponthinkingaboutit,tryingtofindexcusesformyself,butdeepdowninmyheartsomethingkeepsrepeating:it'syourfault,yourfault...."AtthispointIglancedatthesickman,fearingthatourwhisperingwouldwakehim,andIsawachangeinhiscountenance.HewasawakeandhadheardwhatMashahadsaid,butdidnotwanttoshowit.Hislipsquivered,hischeeksflushedandhiswholefacewasradiant,likeadampdesolatemeadowwhentheloweringcloudshangingoveritpartforamomenttoletthesunshineout.Hemusthaveforgottenbothhisillnessandhisfearofdeath;onefeelingoverflowedhisheartandbroughttwotearswellingupfromunderhisclosedquiveringeyelids.Mashastaredathimforseveralmomentswithastartledkindoflook,thensheblushed,andwithatenderexpressiononherfaceshebentoverthepoordyingmanandkissedhim.Atthatheopenedhiseyes."MyGod,howIwanttolive!"hemurmure

d.Andsuddenlylowsobbingsoundswereheardintheroom,soundsthatstruckstrangelyuponmyear,forneverhadIheardthatmanweepbefore.Iwentout.Iwasonthevergeoftearsmyself.Idonotwanttodieeither,andnordoallthosethousandsofothers.AtleastKuzmafoundsomecomfortattheend-butthoseoutthere?TogetherwiththefearofdeathandphysicalsufferingKuzmawasexperiencingsuchemotionsthathewouldscarcelyhaveexchangedthesesublimeminutesofthepresentforanyothersinhislife.Thisisquiteadifferentthing!Deathisalwaysdeath,butitisonethingtodieamongnearandlovingones,andanothertolieinthemudandyourownblood,waitingforthemtocomeandfinishyouoff,orforthegunstocomerollingdownandcrushyoulikeaworm....

"Franklyspeaking,"thedoctorsaidtomeasheputonhiscoatandgaloshesin

thehall,"underhospitaltreatmentinninety-ninecasesoutofahundredsuchpatientsdie.Myonlyhopeisthatcarefulnursingandthepatient'sexcellentspiritsandeagerdesiretogetwellwillpullhimthrough.""Everysickpersonwishestogetwell,doctor.""Naturally,butyourfriendhascertainintensifyingmotives,"thedoctorsaidwithasmile."Wellthen,we'llperformanoperationthisevening-we'llmakeanewincisionforthedrainagetubes,soastogivethewaterbetterplay,andhopeforthebest."Heshookmyhand,buttoneduphisbearskincoat,andwentoffonhisroundofvisits.Intheeveninghecamewithhisinstruments."Perhapsyouwouldliketodotheoperationforthesakeofpractice,myfuturecolleague?"hesaidtoLvov.Thelatternodded,rolleduphissleeves,andsetabouthistaskwithagrimface.Isawhiminsertintothewoundapeculiarinstrumentwithathree-edgedblad

e,sawthebladepiercethebody,andKuzmagriptheedgeofthebedandgrithisteethwithpain."Nowthen,don'tbeawoman,"Lvovsaidgloomily,insertingthedrainagetubeintothenewincision."Doesithurtyouverymuch?"Mashaaskedkindly."Notverymuch,mydear;I'vegonesoweak,I'msowornout."Thewoundwasdressed,andKuzmawasgivensomewine,afterwhichhecalmeddown.Thedoctorwentaway.Lvovwentintohisroomtostudy,andMashaandIstartedtotidyuptheroom."Tuckintheblanket,"Kuzmasaidinatonelessvoice."There'sadraught."Ibegantostraightenhispillowandtheblanketaccordingtohisowndirections



;hewashardtoplease,andkeptassuringmethattherewasalittleopeningsomewherenearhisleftelbowthroughwhichhecouldfeelthedraught.ItriedtotuckintheblanketasbestIcould,butdespiteallmyefforts,hestillfeltthecoldnowinhisside,nowinhisfeet."Howawkwardyouare,"hegrumbled."It'sblowinginmybackagain.Letherdoit."HeglancedatMasha,andIrealizedonlytooclearlywhyIcouldnotpleasehim.Mashaputdownthebottleofmedicineshewasholdingandwentuptothebed."ShallIdoit?""Please....That'sgood...nowit'swarm!"Hewatchedherwhileshebusiedherselfwiththeblanket,thenshuthiseyesandfellasleepwithachildishlyhappyexpressiononhishaggardface."Areyougoinghome?"Mashaaskedme."No,I'vehadagoodsleepandcansitupnow.IfI'mnotwanted,though,Icango.""Pleasedon't,letushavealittletalkatleast.Mybrotherisalwaysporingoverhisbooks,andIfeelsobad,somiserable,sittingaloneherewithKuzmawhenhesleeps,andthinkingabouthimdying!""Youmustbebrave,Masha.Anurseisnotallowedtocryandhavegloomythoughts.""Iwon'tcrywhenI'manurse.Afterall,itwillbeeasiertonursethewoundedthansuchaclosefriend.""Youaregoingthen,afterall?""Yes,ofcourse.I'llgoallthesame,whetherhegetswellordies.I'vegotus

edtotheideanowandIcan'tgiveitup.Iwanttobedoingsomethinggood,toleavemyselfamemoryofgoodbrightdays.""Ah,Masha,I'mafraidyouwon'tseeanythingbrightinthewar.""Whynot?I'llwork-isn'tthatsomethingbright?Iwanttodomybit,nomatterhowlittleitis.""Doyourbit?Why,doesn'tithorrifyyou?Canthisbeyou,tellingmethat?""Itis.WhotoldyouthatIlovewar?Only...howshallIputit?-warisanevil;you,andI,andmanyothersthinkthesame;butthetroubleisit'sinevitable;loveitornot,youhavetoputupwithit,andifyoudon'tgoandfight,they'lltakesomeoneelse,andjustthesameitmeansahumanbeingcrippledorwornoutbygruellingmarches.I'mafraidyoudon'tunderstandme-I'mnotabletoexpressmyselfproperly.Thethingisthis:thewar,inmyopinion,isacommonsorrow,acommonsuffering,andalthoughitmaybeallrighttoevadeit,Ido

n'tlikeit."

Iwassilent.Masha'swordshadclearlyexpressedmyownvagueaversiontotheideaofshirkingthewar.Imyselffeltwhatshewasfeelingandthinking,onlyIthoughtdifferently."Nowyou'rethinkingallthetimehowtotryandremainhereiftheytakeyouintothearmy,"shecontinued."Mybrothertoldmeaboutit.Youknow,Ilikeyouverymuch,youareagoodman,butIdon'tlikethistraitinyou.""Ican'thelpit,Masha.Wehavedifferentviews.WhyshouldIbemadetoanswerforthiswar?Ididn'tstartit,didI?""Neitherdidthosewhohavediedandarenowdyingatit.Theywouldn'thavegoneeitheriftheycouldhelpit,buttheycouldn't,whereasyoucan.Theyaregoingtofight,butyouwillremaininSt.Petersburg,safe,well,andhappy,just

becauseyouknowpeoplewhowillbesorrytoseeafriendoftheirsgoingtothewar.It'snotformetojudgewhetherthatisrightorwrong-butIsimplydon'tlikeit."Shegavehercurlyheadavigoroustossandsaidnomore.Ithascomeatlast.Iaminthegrey,andtodayIhavetastedoftherootsofmilitaryloreasexpressedinthemanualoftherifle.Myearsstillringwith:"Atten-shun!Formfours!Presentarms!"AndIhadstoodatattention,Ihadformedfours,andhadletmyrifledownwithabang.Afterawhile,whenIwillhavesufficientlymasteredtheartofformingfours,Ishallbeallottedtoanoutgoingparty;weshallbeentrained,transp



ortedanddistributedtodifferentregimentstoreplacethosewhohavebeenkilled.Ahwell,what'sthedifference.It'sallover;Idon'tbelongtomyselfanymore,Iamswimmingwiththestream;thebestthingnowisnottothink,nottoreason,buttotakelifeasitcomes,withoutcriticism,exceptperhapsforahowlwhenithurtsyou.Ihavebeenputupinaspecialcompartmentofthebarrackssetapartfortheprivileged;ithascotsinitinsteadofbunks,butotherwiseitisprettydirty.Theunprivilegedrecruitsaremuchworseoff.Untiltheyareassignedtotheirregimentstheyliveinavastshedthatwasonceariding-hall;ithadbeendividedintotwostoreysbydouble-tieredberths,thegroundcoveredwithstraw,andthewholeplacedatthedisposalofitstemporaryoccupantstomakethebesttheycouldofit.Thesnowandmudinthecentreaislewhicheveryonekeepsbringinginonhisfeetfromoutsidegotmixedwiththestrawandformsafilthymess;thestrawlitteronthesidesoftheaisleisnonetoocleaneither.Severalhundredmenstand,sitandlieaboutonitingroupsconsistingofnativesfromthesametownordistrict-arealethnographicexhibition.Ifoundsomemenfrommyowndistrict,too.TallungainlyUkrainiansinnewsvitkasandastrakhancapslaytogetherinasilenthuddle,Therewereabouttenofthem."Howdoyoudo,brothers.""Howdoyoudo.""Beenlongfromhome?""Aboutafortnight.Andwhomayyoube?"oneofthemaskedme.Igavemyname.Itappearedthattheyhadallheardofit.Theybrightenedupa

bitonmeetingafellowcountrymanandgrewmoretalkative."Feelinglonesome?"Iasked."Ishouldsayso!Lonesomeisn'ttheword.Atleast,ifonlythegrubwasdecent,itwouldn'tbesobad,butit'sfilthy.""Wherearetheygoingtosendyou?""Godknows!AgainsttheTurk,Isuppose.""Doyouwanttogotothewar?""Whathaven'tIseenthere?"Ibeganaskingaboutourtown,andmemoriesofhomeloosenedthemen'stongues.Storiesweretoldaboutarecentwedding,topayforwhichateamofoxenhadbeensold,andhowsoonafterwardstheyoungbridegroomhadbeencalledup;aboutthebailiff-"ahundredhorseddevilsinhisthroat";abouthowscarcelandwasgetting,andhowseveralhundredpeoplehadquittedMarkovkathatyeartogoout

totheAmur.Theconversationkeptstrictlytothesubjectofthepast,notawordbeingsaidaboutthefuture,aboutthehardships,dangersandsufferingsthatlayinstoreforusall.NoonewasinterestedintheTurks,orintheBulgarians,orinthecauseforwhichhewasgoingouttodie.Atipsyyoungsoldierofthelocaldetachment,whowaspassingby,stopped,andwhenIwentonspeakingagainaboutthewar,declaredauthoritatively:"ThoseTurksoughttobetaughtagoodlesson.""Oughtthey?"Iasked,smilingdespitemyselfatthesimpleassurance."Yessir,theverynameofthedamnedheathensoughttobewipedout.They'realotofdirtyrebels,andwe'vegottosufferthroughthem!Iftheyhadbehaveddecently,I'dbehomenow,safeandsoundwithmyparents.Asitis,theymakemischiefandwehavealltheworry.That'showitis,youcantakeitfromme.Let'shaveasmoke,sir!"hebrokeoffabruptly,comingstifflytoattentionwithhi

shandtohiscap.Igavehimacigarette,tookleaveofmyfellowtownsfolk,andwenthome,asIwasnowoffduty."Theymakemischiefandwehavealltheworry,"thetipsyvoicestillranginmyears.Shortandanythingbutclear,yetwhatmorecouldonesay?

AttheLvovs'theairisthickwithmisery.Kuzmaisinaverybadstate,althoughhiswoundhascleared;heisrunningaterriblyhightemperature,andisravingandmoaning.AllthesedayswhileIhadbeenarrangingmyserviceaffairsand



wasoccupiedwithdrillsthebrotherandsisterhadnotlefthisside.NowthattheyknowIamgoing,thesisterhasgrownstillsadderandthebrothergloomier."Inuniformalready!"hegreetedmegrufflywhenIcameintohisroom,whichwasfilledwithtobaccosmokeandlitteredwithbooks."Ah,youpeople,people....""Whatkindofpeople,Vasily?""Youdon'tletmegetonwithmystudies-that'swhat.Ihardlyhaveanytimeasitis,they'llsendmetofightbeforeIcanfinishmyeducation;there'ssuchalotIshallmisslearning;andontopofitall,here'syouandKuzma.""Kuzmaisdying,granted,butwheredoIcomein?""Butaren'tyoudying,too?Iftheydon'tkillyou,you'lleithergomadorblowyourbrainsout.Don'tIknowyou,andhaven'ttherebeenexamples?""Whatexamples?Whatdoyouknowaboutit?Tellme,Vasily!""Leavemealone.Catchmerubbingitin!It'sbadforyou.Besides,Idon'tknowanything-Ijustsaiditlikethat."ButIkeptathimuntilImadehimtellmehis"example.""Awoundedartilleryofficertoldmethestory.TheymarchedoutfromKishinevinApril,soonafterwarwasdeclared.Ithadbeenrainingsteadilyandtheroadswerewashedaway;themudwassodeepthatthegunsandgun-carriageswereuptothehubsinit;itgotsobadthatthehorsesgavein,andthemenhadtopulltheordnanceoutbyropes.Duringthesecondstageofthemarchtheroadwasterrible:twelvehillsoveradistanceofasmanymiles,withnothingbutswampbetween.Theygotstuck.Itwaspouring,everyonewasdrenchedtotheskin,hungry

,andplayedout,buttheyhadtogoonpulling.Ofcourse,amanpulledtillhepitchedintothemudfacedown,completelyexhausted.Atlasttheycametoaplacethatwassoboggeddownitwasimpossibletomoveastep,buttheystillwentonstraining!'Itmakesmeshuddertothinkofit!'theofficersaid.Theirsurgeonwasayoungchap,arecentgraduate;sufferingfromnerves.Hecried:1can'tstandthesightofthis,'hesays,'I'mgoingahead.'Andherodeforward.Thesoldierscutamassofbranches,enoughtobuildadamwith,andpushedforwardagain.Theydraggedthebatterytothetopofthehill,andsawthesurgeonhangingfromatree.There'syourexample.Themanjustcouldn'tbearthesightofallthatsuffering,sohowareyougoingtostandit?""Butit'seasiertostandthesufferingthantokillyourselflikethatsurgeondid,isn'tit?""Well,Idon'tseewhatgoodthereisinbeingharnessedtoagun-carriage."

"Yourconsciencewon'ttormentyou,Vasily.""That'stoosubtleforme,mydearfellow.You'dbetterhavethatoutwithmysister-she'sgoodatthatkindofthing.ShecanpickAnnaKareninatopiecesforyou,discussDostoyevsky,andallthat.Asforthisidea,Idaresayithasbeendealtwithinsomenovelorother.Good-bye,philosopher!"Helaughedgood-humouredlyandgavemehishand."Whereareyouoffto?""ToVyborgskaya,theclinic."IwentintoKuzma'sroom.Hewasawakeandfeelingbetterthanusual,asMasha,hisconstantbedsidewatcher,toldme.Hehadnotseenmeinuniformyet,andwasdisagreeablysurprised."Aretheyleavingyouhereorsendingyouawaytothearmy?"heaskedme."Sendingmeaway;why,don'tyouknow?"

Hewassilent."Iknew,butIhadforgotten.Myheadandmemoryarenotuptomuchlately....Soyouaregoingthen.Good.""You,too,Kuzma!""Whatabout'metoo'?AmInotright?Whathaveyoudonetodeserveapardon?Goanddie!Bettermenthanyou,harderworkers,aregoingtoo.Putmypillowstraight,willyou...that'sright."Hespokequietlyandresentfully,asiftakingrevengeonsomeoneforhisillness."That'squitetrue,Kuzma,butamInotgoing,too?Isitjustformyownsaket



hatIamprotesting?Ifthatwereso,Iwouldremainherewithoutmoreado-itcouldeasilybearranged.Iamnotdoingit;Iamneeded,andsoIamgoing.Idon'tseethoughwhyIcan'tbeallowedtohavemyownviewsonthesubject."Kuzmalaystaringfixedlyattheceilingasifhehadnotheardme.Atlastheslowlyturnedhisheadtowardsme."Ididn'treallymeanit,"hemurmured."Iamwornoutandirritable,andreallyIdon'tknowwhyI'mtryingtofindfaultwitheverybody.I'vebecomesopeevish;Isupposemytimewillsoonbeup.""Nonsense,Kuzma.Cheerup.Yourwoundhasclearedandishealing,andeverythingisturningoutforthebest.Youshouldbetalkingaboutlifenow,notdeath."Mashaturnedherbigsadeyesuponme,andIsuddenlyrecalledwhatshehadtoldmeafortnightago:"No,hewon'tgetbetter,he'lldie.""WhatifIsuddenlydidgetwell?Wouldn'tthatbegood!"Kuzmasaidwithawansmile."They'dsendyouawaytofight,andMashaandIwouldgo,too:sheasanurse,Iasadoctor.AndI'llfussaroundyouwhenyou'rewoundedlikeyouarefussingaroundme.""Nowthat'lldo,Kuzma,"saidMasha."Toomuchtalkingisbadforyou.Besides,yourtorturehourhascomeagain."Hegavehimselfuptous;weundressedhim,tookoffthebandagesandstartedworkonhisgreatlaceratedchest.AndwhenIdirectedthesprayoffluidontheexposedbloodyparts,onthefleshlesscollar-bonethatglistenedwithapearlylustre,ontheveinpassingthroughthewholewoundandlyingcleanandfree,asifthiswerenotawoundinalivingbody,butananatomisedsubject,Ithoughtofotherwounds,farmorefrightfulbothinqualityandappallingquantity,infl

ictednotbyblindsenselesschance,butbythedeliberateactsofmen.

IdonotmentionawordinthisnotebookaboutwhatisgoingonathomeandwhatIamsuffering.ThetearswithwhichmymothergreetsmewhenIcomeandgo,theoppressivesilencethatreignsattablewhenIamthere,thekindattentionsofmybrothersandsisters-allthisisverypainfultoseeandhear,stillmoretowriteabout.Thethoughtthatwithinaweekyouwillhavetogiveupallthatisdearesttoyouintheworldbringsthetearstoyoureyes.

Andnowatlastcomestheparting.Ourunitisleavingbyrailwayfirstthingtomorrowmorning.Iwasgivenleavetospendmylastnightathome;andnowIams

ittingaloneinmyroomforthelasttime!Thelasttime!Doesanyone,whohasnotexperiencedthatlasttime,knowallthebitternessofthosetwowords?Forthelasttimemyfamilyhavemetandsaidgoodnight,forthelasttimeIhavecomeintothislittleroomandsatdownatthedesk,illuminedbythefamiliarlowlampandlitteredwithbooksandpaper.ForawholemonthIhadnottouchedthem.IpickuptheworkIhadbegunandexamineitforthelasttime.Brokenoff,itliestheredead,still-born,senseless.Insteadoffinishingit,youaregoingwiththousandsofyourkindtotheworld'sendbecausehistoryrequiresyourphysicalpowers.Asforyourmentalpowers,youmayforgetthem-noonewantsthem.Whatmatterthatyouhavecultivatedthemforyears,plannedtoapplythemsomewhereorother?Someimmenseorganismyouknownotof,butofwhichyouformaninsignificantpart,hasdecidedtocutyouoffandthrowyouaway.Andwhatcanyoudoagainstsuchadesire,you-"atoeoffthefoot"?

Butenoughofthis.Imusttryandgetsomesleep;tomorrowImustbeupveryearly.

Iaskedthatnooneshouldgotoseemeoff.Itwouldonlymeanmoretears.ButwhenIwassittinginthepackedrailwaycarriageIfeltsounutterablylonelythatIwouldhavegivenanythingintheworldtohavebeenabletobewithsomeonenear,ifonlyforaminuteortwo.Atlastcamethetimefordeparture,butou



rtraindidnotmove.Itwasbeingheldup.Halfanhourwentby,thenanhour,andanhourandahalf,butwewerestillstanding.InthathourandahalfIcouldhavebeenhomeandbackagain.Perhapssomeonewillcomeafterall....No,theyallbelieveIhadleftlongago;theywouldhardlycountonthisdelay.Youneverknow,though...,AndIlookedinthedirectionfromwhereIcouldexpectsomeonetocome.Neverhadtimedraggedsodrearily.Theshrillnotesofabuglesoundingtheassemblybroughtmetomyselfwithastart.Thesoldierswhohadgotoutofthetrainandwerecrowdingtheplatformhastenedbacktotheirplaces.Inanothermomentthetrainwouldstart,andIwouldseenooneanymore.ButIdid.TheLvovs,brotherandsister,cameuptomycarriagealmostatarun;Iwasawfullygladtoseethem.Idon'trememberwhatItoldthem,orwhattheytoldmeapartfromthesinglephrase,"Kuzmaisdead."

Heretheentriesinthenotebookend.Awidesnowyfield.Allroundarewhitemoundswithwhitehoarfrostedtreesonthem.Theskyisovercastandlow;thethawcanbefeltintheair.Thecrackleofriflesandthesteadypoundingofgunscanbeheard;smokecoversoneofthemoundsandcreepsdownintothefield.Throughitcanbediscernedadarkmovingmass,which,oncloserinspection,resolvesitselfintoseparateblackdots.Manyofthosedotsarealreadymotionless,buttheotherskeepmovingforward,althoughtheyarestillalongwayfromtheirgoal-tobedistinguishedonlybythemassofsmokethatpoursfromit-andalthoughtheirnumbersaredwindlingeverymoment.

Thereservebattalion,lyinginthesnowriflesinhand,watchedthemovementoftheblackmasswithallitsthousandeyes."Theretheygo,boys!Ah,theywon'tmakeit!""Whataretheykeepingusherefor?They'dtakeitinnotimeifwegavethemahand.""You'resickoflife,Isee,"anelderlysoldiersaidgloomily."Liewhereyou'vebeenput,andthankGodyou'resafeandsound.""Don'tyouworry,Dad,we'llailbesafeandsound,"answeredayoungsoldierwithamerryface."I'vebeeninfourfights,andnothing'shappenedtome!Youfunkitabitatfirst,butafterwards-you'dbesurprised!Ibetyouaresayingyourprayers,sir,nowaren'tyou?"Thelastwordswereaddressedtoaleansoldierwithablacklittlebeardwhowaslyingnexttohim.

"Whatdoyouwant?"thelattersaid."Cheerup,sir!""WhotoldyouIneedcheeringup,mydearman!""Incaseofanything,yousticktome,sir.I'vebeenthroughit,Iknow.Thegentleman'sasport,though,hewon'tturntail.He'snotlikethatothervolunteerweoncehad.D'youknowwhathedidwhenwewentintoactionjustlikenowandthebulletsstartedwhizzingroundus?Hechuckedawayhisbagandpackandhisrifle,andranfordearlife,butabulletgothimintheback.Thatwillneverdo-breakingtheoath,youknow.""Don'tyouworry,Iwon'trunaway,"the"gentleman"answeredquietly."Youcan'trunawayfromabullet.""That'sjustit!Shewon'tstandanynonsense....Goodness,me!Iftheyhaven'tstopped!"

Theblackmasshadhaltedinwreathsofsmoke."Ekh,they'reblazingawayat'em,they'llfallbackinaminute....No,they'removingforward.Dazemyeyes!Keepitup,comeon!MyGod,lookatthewoundeddropping!Andnoonepickingthemup.""Abullet!Abullet!"amurmurarose.Indeed,somethingswishedthroughtheair.Itwasastraybulletthathadflownoverthereservelines.Itwasfollowedbyasecondandathird."Stretcher!"someoneshouted.Thestraybullethadfounditsbillet.Foursoldiersrushedovertothewoundedmanwithastretcher.Suddenlythesmallfiguresofmenandhorsesappearedono



neofthehillsidesalittletoonesideofthepointofattack,andathickroundpuffofsmoke,aswhiteassnow,flewoutfromthereatonce."They'reaimingatus,theswine!"shoutedthemerryyoungsoldier.Ashellcamescreamingoverandburstwithacrash.Themerrysoldierflunghimselffacedownwardinthesnow.Whenhelookedupagainhesawthe"gentleman"sprawlingnexttohimwithhisarmsthrownoutandhisnecktwistedinanunnaturalmanner.Anotherstraybullethadpiercedagapingblackholeoverhisrighteye.

1879

THEMEETING

Thebroadtrackofshimmeringmoonlightranoutformiles;therestoftheseawasblack;thesteadyboomofthesurfbreakinguponthesandybeachstruckupontheearofthemanstandingabove;blackerthantheseaitselfwerethesilhouettesoftheshipsridingatanchorintheroads;onehugesteamer("probablyanEnglishman,"thoughtVasilyPetrovich)layinthelaneofmoonlighthissingsteam,whichescapedincurlingwreaths;theairwaftedupfromtheseahadasaltytang;VasilyPetrovich,whohadneverseenanythinglikethisbefore,feastedhiseyesonthesea,themoonlight,thesailingvesselsandsteamers,anddrewtheseaairintohislungswithazesthehadneverfeltinhislifebefore.Hestoo

dforalongtime,revellinginthesenewsensations,hisbackturnedtothecityinwhichhehadarrivedonlythatday,andwherehewastoliveformanyayear.Behindhimamotleycrowdwasstrollingalongtheboulevard;hecaughtsnatchesofRussianandforeignconversation,thequietdignifiedvoicesofthelocalworthies,theprettybabbleoftheyoungladies,andtheboisterousvoicesoftheseniorschoolboysclusteringaroundtwoorthreeofthem.AburstoflaughterfromonesuchgroupmadeVasilyPetrovichturnround.Thegaycrowdpassedhim;oneoftheyouthswassayingsomethingtoayoungschoolgirl;hischumswerenoisilyinterruptingwhatwasapparentlyavehementapologeticspeech."Don'tyoubelievehim,Nina!He'saliar!He'smakingitallup!""No,really,Nina,itisn'tmyfaultintheleast!""Lookhere,Shevyrev,ifyouevertrytodeceivemeagain..."thegirlbeganwithaffectedhauteurinaprettyyoungvoice.

VasilyPetrovichdidnotcatchtherestofthesentence,asthecrowdpassedoutofearshot.Halfaminutelateranotherburstoflaughtercameoutofthedarkness."ThereismyfuturefieldofactivityuponwhichIshalltoillikethehumbleploughman,"thoughtVasilyPetrovich,first,becausehehadbeenappointedtothepostofteacherinthelocalGymnasium,andsecondly,becausehehadapredilectionforfigurativethinkingevenwhenhedidnotgiveitutterance."Yes,Ishallhavetolabourinthathumblefield,"hethought,sittingdownonthebench,againfacingthesea."Wherearethydreamsofaprofessorship,ofjournalism,ofrenown?Theywerebeyondyourreach,sir;sonowtryyourhandhere!"AndpleasurablethoughtsstirredintheheadofthenewGymnasiumteacher.Hethoughtofhowhewoulddiscoverthe"divinespark"inboysfromtheveryfirstclassesatschool;ofhowhewouldfosterthosenatures"whostrovetothrowofft

heyokeofdarkness";ofhow,underhisguidance,thefreshyoungforces,"freefromthedrossofthisworkadayworld,"woulddevelop;andofhowhispupils,intheend,mightturnouttoberemarkablemen...Inimaginationheevenpicturedsuchscenes:hesits,doesVasilyPetrovich-nowanoldgrey-headedteacher-inhishumblelodgings,andhisformerpupilscometoseehim;oneofthemisaprofessorofsuch-and-suchauniversity,"wellknownbothathomeandabroad,"anotherisawriter,afamousnovelist,athirdisapublicfigure,alsoaprominentman.Andallofthemtreathimwithrespect."ItwasthegoodseedsyoudroppedintomysoulwhenIWasaboythathavemademewhatIam,mydearVasilyPetrovich,"saysthepublicfigure,wringingthehando



fhisoldteacherwithdeepemotion.VasilyPetrovich'smind,however,soondescendedfromitssoaringflighttomoreearthlythingsdirectlyconnectedwithhispresentcircumstances.Hedrewanewwalletoutofhispocket,and,aftercountinghismoney,beganfiguringhowmuchhewouldhaveleftaftermeetingallthenecessaryexpenses."WhatapityIspentmoneysorecklesslyontheway,"hethought."Lodgings...well,letussaytwentyrublesamonth,withmeals,laundry,tea,tobacco.AtanyrateIwillbeabletosaveathousandrublesinsixmonths.Probablyonecangetlessonsatagoodprice,somethingroundaboutfourorfiverubles."Hefeltwellpleased,andwasmovedtoputhishandinhispocket,wherelaytwolettersofintroductiontotwolocalbigwigs,andreadtheaddressesonthemforthetwentiethtime.Hedrewthelettersout,andcarefullyunwrappedthepapertheywerefoldedupin,buthecouldnotreadtheaddressesasthelightofthemoonwasnotstrongenoughtoaffordVasilyPetrovichthatpleasure.Aphotographwaswrappedupwiththeletters.VasilyPetrovichheldituptowardsthemoonandtriedtomakeoutthefamiliarfeatures."Ah,dearLiza!"hebreathedthename,andsighedwithanotunpleasantfeeling.Lizawashisfiancee,whohadremainedinSt.PetersburgtowaituntilVasilyPetrovichhadsavedupthethousandrubleswhichtheyoungcoupleconsiderednecessarytostartahomewith.Withasigh,heputthephotographandthelettersawayinhisbreast-pocketandfelltodreamingabouthisfuturemarriedlife.Thesedreamsseemedtohimmorepleasanteventhanthoseaboutthepublicfigurewhowastocomeandthankhimforthegoodlyseedswhichhehadplantedinhissoul.Thesearoaredfarbelowandthewindfreshened.TheEnglishmanhadcomeoutof

theluminouslaneofmoonlightwhichrippledwiththousandsofglintingwaveletsthatgrewbrighterandbrighterasitranoutintothewaterywaste.VasilyPetrovichwasloathtogetupfromthebench,totearhimselfawayfromthissceneandgobacktothetinyroominthehotelatwhichhehadputup.Butitwasalreadylate;hegotupandwalkeddowntheboulevard.Agentlemaninalightsuitofrawsilkfabricandastrawhatthecrownofwhichwasdrapedinmuslinet(thesummercostumeofthelocaldandies)gotupfromabenchasVasilyPetrovichpassedandsaidtohim,"Haveyoualight,please?""Certainly,"answeredVasilyPetrovich.Aredglowlitupafacethatwasfamiliartohim."Nikolai!You,myfriend?""VasilyPetrovich?""Theverysame.Oh,I'msoglad!Thisisasurprise!"saidVasilyPetrovich,embracinghisfriendandkissinghimthrice."Whatgoodwindbringsyouhere?""I'mworkinghere,that'sall.Andyou?"

"IhavebeenappointedhereasateacherattheGymnasium.Ihavejustarrived.""Whereareyoustaying?Ifatahotel,thenpleasecomedowntomyplace.I'mverygladtoseeyou.Youhavenofriendshere,haveyou?Comealong,we'lldineandhaveachatandrememberthegoodolddays.""Verywell,letusgo,"VasilyPetrovichagreed."Iameversoglad!Icameouthereasiftoadesert-andallofasuddenthisdelightfulmeeting.Cabman!"heshouted."Nevermindthat,youneedn'tshout.Sergei,comealongthere!"VasilyPetrovich'sfriendsaidinaloudcalmvoice.Asmartbaroucherolleduptothecurb,anditsmasterjumpedintoit.VasilyPetrovichstoodonthepavementandstaredatthecarriage,theblacksleekhorsesandthefatcoachman."Arethesehorsesyours,Kudryashov?"

"Yes!Didn'texpectit,eh?""Amazing....Isthisyou?""Whoelsecanitbe?Comeon,getin,we'llhaveplentyoftimetotalk."VasilyPetrovichgotintothebarouchebesideKudryashov,andthevehiclerolledoff,rockingandrattlingoverthecobbles.VasilyPetrovichleanedbackinthesoftupholsteredseat,swayingandsmiling."WellInever!"hethought."NotsolongagoKudryashovwasthepoorestofpoorstudents,andnow-acarriage!"Kudryashov,hisoutstretchedfeetrestingonthefrontseat,smokedacigarinsilence.Afteradriveoffiveminutesthecarriagecametoastop."Well,oldchap,hereweare.I'llshowyoumyhumblehut,"saidKudryashov,steppingoffandhelpinghisfriendtoalight.



Beforeenteringthehumblehutthevisitorpassedhiseyeoverit.Themoonwasbehinditanddidnotlightitup;therefore,allhenoticedwasthatthehousewasasingle-storeystone-builtonewithtenortwelvelargewindows.Apenthousesupportedbycolumnswithgildedscrollshungoveramassiveoakdoorwithplate-glasspanels,abronzehandleintheshapeofabird'sclawholdingapolyhedron,andagleamingbrassplatewiththenameoftheowneronit."Ilikeyourhut,Kudryashov!It'smorelikeapalazzo,Ishouldsay,"VasilyPetrovichremarkedwhentheycameintothehallwithitsoakfurnitureandtheblackgapingmouthofthefire-place."Isityourown?""No,oldchap,ithasn'tcometothatyet.Irentit.Itisn'texpensive-fifteenhundred.""Fifteenhundred!"VasilyPetrovichechoed."It'smoreprofitabletopayfifteenhundredthantolayoutcapitalwhichcanyieldyoumuchgreaterinterestifitisnotconvertedintoproperty.Besides,youwouldneedalotofmoney.Ifyou'regoingtobuild,thenbuildsomethingworthwhile,notarubbishythinglikethis.""Arubbishything!"VasilyPetrovichexclaimedinastonishment."Whyyes,thehouseisnogood.Butcomealong,hurryup."VasilyPetrovich,meanwhile,hadtakenhiscoatoffandwasfollowinghishost.TheappointmentsofKudryashov'sapartmentgavehimfreshcauseforastonishment.Hesawawholesuiteofroomswithhighceilingsandparquetedfloors,andexpensivepaperhangingsembossedingold;adining-roomdoneinimitationoakwithpoormodelsofwildfowlhungaboutthewalls,withanimmensecarvedwoodsideboardandalargeroundtablewhichreceivedafloodoflightfromahangingbro

nzelampwithanopaqueshade;areception-roomwithagrandpianoandamedleyofbentwoodfurniture,suchassettees,benches,stoolsandchairs,andwithexpensivelithographsandcheapoleographsinornategiltframes;adrawing-roomwiththeusualcollectionoffurnitureupholsteredinsilkandamassofgewgaws.Itseemedasiftheoccupanthadsuddenlycomeintoalargefortune,wontwohundredthousand,say,andhaddecidedtocutadashbyhastilyfittingupforhimselfasumptuousflat.Itseemedasifeverythingherehadbeenpurchasedinalump,notbecausetherehadbeenanyneedtodoso,butbecausetheownerwasflushofmoney,whichhadfoundanoutletinthepurchaseofagrandpianoonwhich,asfarasVasilyPetrovichknew,hisfriendcouldonlyplaywithonefinger;ofabadoldpicture,oneoftensofthousandsascribedtoasecond-rateFlemishpainter,whichnooneprobablyeverlookedat;ofasetofchessfiguresofChineseworkmanship,whichcouldnotbeusedbecausetheyweresodelicateandfragil

e,buttheheadsofwhichhadthreetinyballscarvedoutinthem,onewithinanother-andamultitudeofotherunnecessarythings.Thefriendswentintothestudy.Hereitwascosier.Alargedesk,encumberedwithavarietyofbronzeandchinaknicknacksandlitteredwithpapersanddrawingaccesseries,occupiedthemiddleoftheroom.Onthewallshunghugecoloureddrawingsandcharts,andunderthemstoodtwolowottomanswithsilkcushions.KudryashovputhisarmroundVasilyPetrovich,ledhimstraightuptothecouchandmadehimsitdownonthesoftcushions."Well,Iamglad,verygladtohavemetanoldchum,"hesaid."SoamI.Youknow,Icamehereasiftoadesert,andallofasudden-thismeeting!Doyouknow,Kudryashov,thesightofyouhasstirredsomanymemories,touchedsomanychords....""Whatmemories?"

"Andyouask?Why,memoriesofourstudentdays,thoseblesseddayswhenwelivedsowell-spirituallyifnotmaterially.D'youremember-""Rememberwhat?Howweusedtoeatdog'ssausage?I'vehadenoughofthat,oldchap.Careforacigar?RegaliaImperialia,orwhateverit'scalled;Ionlyknowtheycosthalfarubleapiece."VasilyPetrovichtooktheprofferedtreasureoutofabox,drewapenknifefromhispocket,cutoffthetipofthecigar,litup,andsaid:"I'mabsolutelyinadream,Kudryashov.Suchapostinamatterofafewyears.""Postnothing!Itisn'tworthatinker'sdamn,oldchap.""Whatdoyoumean?Howmuchareyougetting?""What?Pay?""Wellyes,salary."



"Mysalary-thatofEngineerKudryashov,civilservantgradetwo-amountstoonethousandsixhundredayear."VasilyPetrovich'sfacefell."Buthowisthat?Thenwheredoesallthiscomefrom?""Ah,whatsimplicity!Wheredoesthiscomefrom?Fromwaterandearth,fromseaandland.Butmainlyfromhere,"hisfriendanswered,tappinghishead."Doyouseethosepicturesonthewalls?""Yes,"saidVasilyPetrovich."Well?""D'youknowwhattheyare?""No."VasilyPetrovichgotupfromtheottomanandwentovertothewall.Theblue,red,brownandblackshadingconveyednothingtohismind,nordidthemysteriousfiguresbesidethedottedlinesdoneinredink."Whatarethey?Technicaldrawings?""Yes,butdrawingsofwhat?""Ireallydon'tknow.""Thosedrawings,mydearVasilyPetrovich,representafuturemole.Doyouknowwhatamoleis?""Yes,ofcourse.AfterallI'mateacherofRussian.Amoleisa...akindof...well,abreakwater,Ishouldsay.""Abreakwaterisright.Abreakwaterservingtoformaharbour.Thosedrawingsrepresentamolewhichisnowunderconstruction.Yousawtheseafromabove,didn'tyou?""Why,yes!Awonderfulscene!ButIdidn'tnoticeanystructures.""Ishould"besurprisedifyoudid,"Kudryashovsaid,withalaugh."Thatmoleisalmostrightoutofthesea,VasilyPetrovich-itexistshere,ondryland.""Whereisthat?""Herewithmeandotherbuilders-withKnoblokh,Puitsikovskyandtherestofthem.Thisisbetweenourselves,naturally;Iamtellingyoubecauseyou'reanoldchum.Whatareyoustaringatmelikethatfor?It'squiteausualthing."

"But,lookhere,thisisreallyshocking!Doyoumeantosayit'strue?Doyoumeantosayyouhavenoscruplesaboutusingdishonestmeanstoattainthiscomfort?Doyoumeantosayallthepastwasmerelyastepping-stoneto...tothis....Andyoucancalmlytalkaboutit?""Holdon,VasilyPetrovich!Noharshwords,please.Yousay'dishonestmeans'?Willyoufirstbegoodenoughtotellmethemeaningofhonestanddishonest.Idon'tseemtorememberit;perhapsIhaveforgotten,butIratherthinkIneverremembered;what'smore,itseemstomethatyoudon'tremembereither,andarejustactingapart.Dropit,anyway;foronethingitisn'tpolite.Yououghttorespectfreedomofopinion.Yousayit'sdishonest;youcansaywhatyoulike,butdon'tscold.I'mnotabusingyoufornotbeingofmyopinion,amI?It'spurelyamatterofpointofview,oldchap,andtherearesomanyofthosepointsthatthey'rereallynotworthbotheringour-headsabout.Let'sgointothedining-

roomtodrinkvodkaandtalkofpleasantthings.""Ah,Nikolai,Nikolai,itgrievesmetolookatyou.""Noharminthat;youcangrieveasmuchasyouNomatterifithurts,you'llgetoverit!You'llgetusedtoitintime.You'llsay,'ButwhataninnyIwas.'Youwill,takemywordforit.Comeon,let'shaveadrinkandforgetabouterringengineers.What'samanbeengivenbrainsforifnottoerr,oldchap?Nowhowmuchwillyouget,mydearteacher,eh?""Whatisthattoyou?""No,tellme.""Well,withprivatelessons,I'llearnaboutthreethousand.""There,yousee:forawretchedthreethousandyou'lltrudgeaboutafterprivatelessonsallyourlife!ButIjustsitandlookaround:ifIfeellikedoinganythingIdoit,ifIdon't,Idon't;ifIshouldtakeitintomyheadtodonothi

ngalldaybuttwiddlemythumbs,Itwiddlethem.Asformoney-Ihavesomuchofitthatitistomea'triflelightasair.'"Inthedining-room,whichtheyentered,thetablehadbeenlaidforsupper.Coldroastbeeflaypiledupinapinkheap.TinnedfoodswithvaricolouredEnglishinscriptionsandgaudypicturesmadeacolourfuldisplay.Anarrayofbottlesstoodonthetable.Thefriendsdrankaglassofvodkaandaddressedthemselvestothefood.Kudryashovatewithslowrelish,completelyabsorbedinwhathewasdoing.VasilyPetrovichateandthought,thoughtandate.Hewasgreatlyputoutandutterlyataloss.Accordingtothebeliefswhichheheld,heshouldhavebeatena



hastyretreatfromthehouseofhisoldfriendnevertoreturntoit."ThispieceIamnoweatinghasbeenstolen,"hethought,asheputapieceintohismouthandtookasipattheglassofwinewhichhisamiablehosthadreplenished."AndwhatamIdoingifnotactingmeanly?"Manysuchdefinitionsstirredinthepoorteacher'smind,butdefinitionstheyremained,andbehindeachdefinitionlurkedasecretvoice,asitwere,whichexpostulated:"Well,whatofit?"VasilyPetrovichfeltinadequatetodealwiththeproblem,andcontinuedtositthere."Verywell,Ishallobservethings,"thethoughtcrossedhismindbywayofself-justification,buttheverynextminutehefeltashamedofhimself."WhyshouldIobservethings,Iamnotawriter,amI?""Jollygoodmeat,that-haveyounoticed?"saidKudryashov."Won'tgetmeatlikethatifyousearchedthetown."AndhetoldVasilyPetrovichalongstoryabouthowhehadbeendiningatKnoblokh's,howtheroastbeefservedtherehadstruckhimwithitsexcellence,howhehadfoundoutwhereithadcomefrom,andhowhehadmanagedtogetsomehimself."You'vecomejustattherightmoment,"hesaid,concludinghisstoryaboutthemeat."Haveyoueverhadanythinglikeit?""Itisexcellentroastbeef,"answeredVasilyPetrovich."Superexcellent,oldchap!Ilikeeverythingtobejustso.Butwhyaren'tyoudrinking?Waitaminute,trysomeofthiswine."TherefollowedanotherstoryofequallengthaboutwineinwhichtherefeaturedanEnglishskipper,acommercialhouseinLondon,ouroldacquaintanceKnoblokh,andthecustoms.Whiletalkingaboutthewine,Kudryashovdrankit,andthemor

ehedrankthelivelierhegrew.Aflushmountedthecheeksofhisapatheticface,andhisspeechquickenedandbecamemoreanimated."Butwhyareyousilent?"hebrokeoffatlasttoaskVasilyPetrovich,whohadindeedmaintainedastonysilencethroughouttheepicnarrativesaboutthemeat,thewine,thecheeseandtheothergoodthingsthatadornedtheengineer'stableinsuchabundance."Idon'tknow,oldchap,Ijustdon'tfeelliketalking.""Don'tfeelliketalking....Whatnonsense!Youarestillfrettingovermyconfession,Isee.I'msorrythatIevertoldyou,verysorry;we'dhavehadamostpleasantsupperbutforthatconfoundedmole.Justdon'tthinkaboutit,VasilyPetrovich,forgetit....Eh?Comeon,Vasya!Itcan'tbehelped,oldchap,Ihaven'tcomeuptoscratch,Iknow.Lifeisn'tschool.Iamnotsosurethatyou'llsticktoyourpathforverylongeither."

"Pleasedon'tmakesurmisesaboutme,"saidVasilyPetrovich."Offended?Ofcourseyouwon'tsticktoit.Whatgoodhasyourunselfishnessdoneyou?Areyoueasyinyourmind?Don'tyouworryeverydayastowhetheryourconductsquareswithyourideals,andisn'titbroughthometoyoueverydaythatitdoesnot?Nowisn'tthattrue?Havesomewine,it'sgoodstuff."Hefilledhisownglass,too,heldituptothelight,tastedit,smackedhislipsanddrainedit."YouthinkIdon'tknowwhat'spassinginyourmindrightnow,mydearfellow?Iknowperfectlywell.You'rethinking,nowwhatthedickensamIsittingwiththismanfor?AsifIcan'tdowithouthiswineandcigars!Waitaminute,letmefinish!Idon'tforamomentthinkthatyouaresittingherewithmebecauseofthewineandcigars.Notatall;youwouldn'tgodinner-huntingeventhoughyouwerekeenonthem.Dinner-huntingisanastything.You'resittinghereandtalk

ingtomesimplybecauseyoucan'tmakeupyourmindwhetherI'macriminalornot.Idon'tshockyou,that'swhatitis.Ofcourse,youmustfeelitbadly,becauseyouhaveallyourconvictionspigeonholedinyourmind,andaccordingtothatclassificationI,youroldchumandfriend,turnouttobeabadegg,butontheotherhand,youcan'tfinditinyourhearttohateme.Convictionsareallrightasfarastheygo,butyoucan'tgetawayfromthefactthatIamachum,asport,youmightevensayagoodsoul.YouknowperfectlywellthatIamincapableofdoinganyoneharm.""Butwaitaminute,Kudryashov.Wheredoesallthiscomefrom?"VasilyPetrovichsaidwithasweepinggesture."Yousaidyourselfitwasn'tyours.Thentheone



whomithasbeenstolenfromhasbeenwronged.""Itiseasytosay-whomithasbeenstolenfrom.I'vebeenthinkingandthinkingwhomIcouldhavewronged,butIhavenotbeenabletomakeitoutyet.Youdon'tunderstandhowthesethingsaredone;I'lltellyou,andthenperhapsyou'llagreewithmethatitisn'tsoeasytofindthewrongedvictim."Kudryashovrangabell.Animpassiveliveriedfigureinblackmadeitsappearance."Fetchthedrawingfrommystudy,Ivan-theonehangingbetweenthewindows.You'llseewhatatremendousjobitis,VasilyPetrovich.Asamatteroffact,Ihavebeguntofindpoesyinitlately."Ivancarefullybroughtinahugesheetofdrawingpaperpastedoncalico.Kudryashovtookit,pushedasidetheplates,bottlesandglasses,andspreadthedrawingonthewine-stainedtable-cloth."Lookhere,"hesaid."Thisisacross-sectionofourmole,andthatisitslongitudinalsection.D'youseethatblueshade?That'sthesea.Itsdepthhereissogreatthatyoucan'tstartbuildingupthemasonryfromtheseafloor;whatwehavetodofirstistoprepareabedforthemole.""Abed?"saidVasilyPetrovich."Whatastrangename.""Abedofstone,madeupofhugecobblesnolessthanacubicfootindimension."Kudryashovunscrewedatinypairofsilvercompassesfromhiswatchkeyandmeasuredoffashortlinewiththemonthedrawing."Look,VasilyPetrovich,that'sasagene.(Sagene-oldRussianmeasureequalto7feet.)Ifwemeasurethewidthofthebedwiththisweshallfinditjustalittleshortoffiftysagenes.Youwouldn'tcallthatanarrowbed,wouldyou?

Thismasonryisbuiltupfromthefloortowithinsixteenfeetofthesea'ssurface.Ifyoucanimaginethewidthofthisbedanditsenormouslengthyouwillhavesomeideaofthegiganticmassofmasonryinvolved.Youknow,bargeafterbargekeepscominguptothebreakwaterthewholedaylong,dumpingitsloadoverboard,butwhenyoumeasureitthebuild-upisinfinitesimal.It'slikethrowingstonesintoanabyss.Hereintheplanyouseethebedadingygrey.Whileitisbeingrunout,otherworkhasbeenstartedonitashore.Enormousartificialstones,solidblocksofstoneandcement,areloweredontothebedbymeansofsteamcranes.Everysuchblockisthesizeofacubicsageneandweighshundredsofpoods.Theyareraisedbysteam,turnedaboutandlaiddowninrows.Makingthismassmoveupordownatyourownwillbyamerelightpressureofyourhandgivesyouanoddsensation.Whenamasslikethatobeysyourwill,youfeelhowmightymanis....Herearethoseblocks,see."Heindicatedthemwithhiscomp

asses."Thismasonryisbuiltuptojustalittlebelowthesurfaceofthesea,andafterthatthetopdressingofsquaredstoneisstartedon.It'sabigjob,yousee-quiteasbigasanyoftheEgyptianpyramids.Thereyouhaveageneralideaoftheworkwhichhasbeendraggingonforseveralyearsalready,andwilldragonforGodknowshowmanymore.Thelongerthebetter.Anyway,ifitgoesonthewayithasbeendoinglatelyitwilllastourtimeverylikely.""Well,whatthen?"VasilyPetrovichaskedafteralongsilence."Nothing.Weshallsitwhereweareandreceivewhatiscomingtous.""Istilldon'tseewhatthereceivingpossibilitiesare.""You'retooyoung,that'syourtrouble.Cometothinkofit,though,weareofthesameage,buttheexperiencethatyoulackhasmademeoldandwise.Thethingisthis:everysea,asyouknow,hasitsstorms.Well,it'sthesestormsthatdoit.Theywashawaythebedeveryyearandwehavetobuildanewone."

"Istilldon'tseeanypossibilityof-""Webuildit,"Kudryashovcoollyproceeded,"onpaper,onthisdrawinghere,becauseitisonlyonpaperthatitiswashedaway."VasilyPetrovichlookedblank."Becauseyoucan'treallyexpectwavesthatareonlyeightfeethightowashawayamasonrybed.Thisseais,notanocean,andeventherebreakwaterslikeoursstandthestressofweather;what'smore,herewithus,atadepthofaboutfifteenfeet,wherethebedends,youhavealmostadeadcalm.Thisishowthingsaredone,VasilyPetrovich,justlisten.Inthespring,aftertheautumnandwinterstorms,wegettogetheranddecidethequestionofhowmuchbedhasbeenwash



edawaythatyear.Wetakethedrawingsandmarkthemoff.Andthenwewritetotheproperauthorities-somanycubicsagenesofmasonrywashedawaybythestorms.Theywriteback:goonbuilding,andmending,damnyou!Andwedo.""Butwhatdoyoumend?""Ourpockets,ofcourse,"saidKudryashov,laughingathisownwitticism."That'simpossible,impossible!"criedVasilyPetrovich,jumpingfromhischairandrunningupanddowntheroom."Lookhere,Kudryashov,youareruiningyourself.Isaynothingoftheimmoralityofit....Imeanthatyouwillallbecaughtintheend,you'llberuined,they'lldeportyoutoSiberia.MyGod,tothinkofallthosehopesanddreams!Anhonestcapableyouth-andsuddenly...."VasilyPetrovichwentoffintoanecstasy,andspokelongandfervently.ButKudryashovsmokedhiscigarwithunruffledcalm,andglancedfromtimetotimeathisoverwroughtfriend."Yes,you'llbedeportedtoSiberia!"VasilyPetrovichendedhisphilippic."It'saveryfarcrytoSiberia,myfriend.Youareafunnychap-youdon'tunderstandathing.AmItheonlyonewhois-howcanIexpressitmoredelicately-whoisbenefiting?Everyonearoundyou,theveryairyoubreatheseemstobegrabbing.Onlyrecentlyanovicecamealongandstartedacorrespondencehereonthehonestyline.Andwhathappened?Wequashedhim.Andwe'llalwaysquashthem.Allforoneandoneforall.Youthinkaman'shisownenemy?Whowilldaretouchmewhenheknowsitmaybehisownundoing?""Consequently,asKrylovhasit,allthesnoutshavefluffonthem?"(Meaningtelltalesignsofguilt.FromafablebyKrylov.-Trans.)"Fluffisright.Everyonetakeswhathecanfromlife,there'snoplatoniclove

aboutit.Nowwhatwerewetalkingabout?Ah,yes,thepeopleIhavewronged.Tellmewhom?Theunderdogs?Well,inwhatway?It'snotasifI'mdrawingdirectlyfromthesource,I'mtakingwhathasalreadybeendrawn,andifIdon'tgetitsomeoneelsewill-someoneperhapsworsethanI.AtleastIdon'tlivelikeapig,andevenhavecertainspiritualinterests:Isubscribetoamassofnewspapersandjournals.Peopleshoutaboutscience,andcivilization,butwhatapplicationwouldyourcivilizationhaveifitwerenotforusmenofmeans?Andwhowouldenablesciencetoadvanceifnotmenofmeans?Butyou'vegottogetthosemeanssomewhere.Thoseso-calledhonestways-""Oh,don'tfinishit,Kudryashov,don'tsaythelastwordforgoodness'sake!""Word?WouldyouratherItoldliesormadeexcuses,youoldhypocrite?We'restealing,doyouhear?Andifwe'regoingtospeakthetruth,thenyouarestealing,too."

"Isay,Kudryashov-""Whatcanyousay,"Kudryashovinterruptedwithalaugh."You'rearobber,oldchap,that'swhatyouare.Arobberinthegarbofvirtue.Justwhatisthisoccupationofyours-teaching?Willyoubeearningeventhatmiserablesalarywhichyouarenowreceiving?Willyougivetheworldasingledecentperson?Three-quartersofyourpupilswillcomeoutmenlikeme,andtheremainingquartermenlikeyou,thatiswell-meaningsofties.Nowtellme,frankly,aren'tyoujusttakingmoneyfornothing?Andistheresuchagreatdifferencebetweenus?Youflyyourkiteshigh,don'tyou,preachinghonesty!""Kudryashov!Believeme,thisconversationisverypainfultome.""Tomeitisn't.""IdidnotexpecttofindinyouwhatIhavefound.""It'snotsurprising;peoplechange,andIhavechanged,too,butinwhatdirect

ion,youcouldhardlybeexpectedtoguess;you'renotaprophet.""Youdon'thavetobeaprophettohopethatanhonestyouthwillbecomeanhonestcitizen.""Oh,forgoodness'sake,don'tsaythatwordtome.Anhonestcitizen!Whattextbookorarchivesdidyoudragthatmustyoldrelicoutof?It'sabouttimeyoustoppedbeingsentimental-you'renotaboy,youknow.Itellyouwhat,Vasya,"Kudryashovsaid,takinghisfriend'sarm,"let'sdropthisconfoundedsubject,there'sagoodchap.Let'shaveadrinkforcomradeship.Ivan!Anotherbottleofthisstuff."Ivanimmediatelyappearedwithanotherbottle.Kudryashovfilledtheglasses.



"Well,here'stotheprosperityof...ofwhatshallwesay?Oh,it'sallthesame-here'stoourprosperity-yoursandmine.""Idrink,"VasilyPetrovichsaidwithfeeling,"toyoucomingtoyoursenses.It'sthegreatestdesireIhave.""Don'tmentionit,there'sagoodchap.IfIcometomysensesIwon'tbeabletodrinkanymore-I'llstarve.Seewhatlogicyoursis.Let'sjustdrinkwithoutanywishing,andlet'sdropthisdrearyrigmarole;allthesamewe'llneveragree:youwon'tsetmeright,andIwon'tout-argueyou.It'snotwortharguingabout,anyway;you'llcomeroundtomyphilosophyyourselfoneday.""Never!"VasilyPetrovichexclaimedvehemently,banginghisglassdownonthetable."Well,we'llsee.ButhereamItalkingaboutmyselfallthetime,andyouhaven'tsaidawordaboutyourself!Whathaveyoubeendoing,whatareyourplans?""Itoldyoualready,I'vebeenappointedteacherhere.""Isthisyourfirstsituation?""Yes.UptillnowIhadprivatelessons.""Doyoustillintendtocarryonwiththem?""IfIcangetthem,whynot.""We'llgetthemforyou,oldchap!"Kudryashovsaid,slappingVasilyPetrovichontheback."We'llgiveyouthetutelageofallthelocalyouth.HowmuchdidyouchargeperhourinSt.Petersburg?""Notmuch.Itwasveryhardtogetgoodlessonsthere.Arubleortwo,notmore.""Fancyamanworkinghimselftodeathoversuchapiddlingsum!Don'tyoudarea

sklessthanfivehere.It'shardwork;IrememberrunningaboutcoachingwhenIwasinmyfirstandsecondyear.I'dhuntoutalessonatfiftykopeksanhour,andbegladtogetit.It'sthemostthanklessanddifficulttask.I'llintroduceyoutoallourcrowd;therearesomeverynicefamilieshere,someoftherewithgirls.Ifyoubehavesensibly,I'llarrangeamatchforyouifyoulike.Whatdoyousay,VasilyPetrovich?""Thanks,Idon'tneedyourservices.""What,areyouengagedalready?Really?"VasilyPetrovichlookedembarrassed."Icanreaditinyoureyes.Well,mycongratulations,oldchap.You'velostnotime,haveyou!Well,well!Ivan!"Kudryashovshouted.Ivanappearedinthedoorwaylookingsleepyandsulky."Let'shavesomechampagne!""Thereisn'tany,it'sallgone,"theservantansweredsullenly.

"It'senough,Kudryashov,really!""Shutup;I'mnotaskingyou.Areyoutryingtoinsultme,orwhat?Lookhere,Ivan,don'tyoucomebackwithoutchampagne,d'youhear!Offyougo!""Buttheshop'sclosed,NikolaiKonstantinovich.""Don'targue.Youhavemoney-goandfetchit."Theservantwentaway,mutteringunderhisbreath."Cheekydevil,standstherearguing!Andyou'reafineonetoo-'it'senough,Kudryashov.'Ifthisisn'tanoccasionforchampagne,thenwhatischampagnefor!Well,whoisshe?""Who?""Well,thegirl,yourfiancee.Isshepoor,rich,good-looking?""Youdon'tknowherallthesame,hernamewilltellyounothing.Shehasnofortune,andasforbeauty-that'sarelativething.Ithinkshe'sbeautiful."

"Haveyougotaphotographofher?"Kudryashovasked."Ibetyouwearitnexttoyourheart.Showme!"Heheldhishandout.VasilyPetrovich'sface,flushedwithwine,grewstillredder.Hardlyknowingwhy,heunbuttonedhisfrock-coat,drewouthiswallet,andgotoutthepreciousphotograph.Kudryashovseizeditandbegantoexamineit."Notbad,oldchap!Youknowwhat'swhat.""I'daskyoupleasenottousesuchexpressions!"VasilyPetrovichsaidsharply."Letmehaveitback.""Waitaminute,letmefeastmyeyes.Well,Iwishyoujoy.There,there,takeit,putitbackagainstyourheart.Oh,youareafunnyman!"Kudryashovcriedan



dburstoutlaughing."Idon'tseewhatthereistolaughat!""Ijustthoughtitfunny,oldchap.Iimaginedyoutenyearshence;yourselfinadressing-gown,apregnantwifewhohaslosthergoodlooks,sevenchildrenandverylittlemoneywithwhichtobuythemboots,knickers,capsandalltherestofit.Theproseoflife.Iwonderwhetheryou'llcarrythatphotographaboutinyourbreastpocketthen?Ha,ha,ha!""Whatsortofpoetryliesinstoreforyou,I'dliketoknow?Toreceivemoneyandrunthroughit?Toeat,drinkandsleep?""Nottoeat,drink,andsleep,buttolive.Tolivewiththeknowledgeofyourfreedomandtosomeextentevenpower."\"Power!Whatpowerhaveyou?""Thereispowerinmoney,andIhavethemoney.IdowhatIplease.IfIfancybuyingyou,I'llbuyyou.""Kudryashov!""Don'tputonairs.Can'ttwooldfriendslikeyouandIhaveajokeateachother'sexpense?Iwon'tbuyyou,ofcourse.Liveyourownway.Still,IdowhatIplease.Oh,whatafool,whatafoolIam!"Kudryashovsuddenlyexclaimed,slappinghisforehead."We'vebeensittinghereallthistimeandIhaven'tshownyouthechiefsight.Yousay-eat,drinkandsleep?I'llshowyousomethingthatwillmakeyoueatyourwords.Comealong.Takeacandle.""Wherearewegoing?"askedVasilyPetrovich."Followme.You'llseewhere."Gettingupfromhischair,VasilyPetrovichfeltabitqueerandoffbalance.Hi

slegsobeyedhimratherreluctantly,andhecouldnotholdthecandlestickwithoutthestearinedrippingontothecarpet.However,hegothisrebelliouslimbssomewhatundercontrolandfollowedKudryashov.Theypassedthroughseveralrooms,anddownanarrowpassage,andcametoadampdarkroom.Theirfootstepsranghollowlyonthestonefloor.Thesoundoffallingwatermurmuredlikeaceaselesschord.Stalactitesoftuffandbluishglasshungfromtheceiling;artificialrockstoweredhereandthere,coveredwithamassoftropicalvegetation,amidwhichtherewasanoccasionalgleamasofadarkmirror."Whatisthis?"askedVasilyPetrovich."Anaquarium,towhichIhavedevotedtwoyearsofmytimeandalotofmoney.Waitaminute,I'lllightitup."Kudryashovdisappearedbehindsometropicalplant,andVasilyPetrovichwentuptooneofthemirrors,whichprovedtobeaplate-glasswindow,andlookedthrou

ghit.Thelightofthecandlewastoofeebletopenetratedeepintothewater,butthefishes,largeandsmall,attractedbythespotoflight,collectedroundtheilluminedplaceandstareddullyatVasilyPetrovichwithroundeyes,openingandclosingtheirmouthsandstirringtheirfinsandgills.Fartherloomedthedarkoutlinesofwaterplants,withsomeloathsomecreaturewrigglingaboutamongthem;VasilyPetrovichcouldnotmakeoutitsshape.Suddenlyafloodofblindinglightmadehimshuthiseyesforamoment,andwhenheopenedthemagainhecouldhardlyrecognizetheaquarium.Kudryashovhadlightedelectriclampsintwoplaces.Theirlightpassedthroughthemassofbluishwater,whichswarmedwithfishesandotherlivingcreatures,andwasfilledwithplants,whoseblood-red,brownanddingygreensilhouettesstoodoutsharplyagainstthedimbackground.Therocksandtropicalplants,lookingstilldarkerbycontrast,madeaprettyborderaroundthethickplate-glasswindowsthroughwh

ichaviewoftheinteriorwasdisclosed.Everythingwithintheaquariumcametodartinglife,startledbythedazzlinglight:ashoalofbig-headedlittlechubsrushedhitherandthither,turningasifatacommand;sterletswriggledaboutwiththeirsnoutspressedagainsttheglass,thenrosetothesurfaceandsanktothebottom,asthoughtryingtoescapethroughthetransparentsolidbarrier;asmoothblackeelburieditselfinthesandoftheaquarium,raisingacloudofmuddysediment;acomicaldock-tailedcuttlefishdisengageditselffromtherocktowhichithadbeenclingingandswamacrosstheaquariuminjerks,itslongtentaclestrailingbehindit.AltogetheritwassobeautifulandnovelthatVasilyPetrovichstoodlostinadmiration.



"Howdoyoulikeit?"Kudryashovsaid,reappearingathisside."Wonderful,oldchap,remarkable!Howonearthdidyouarrangeitall!Suchtaste,suchstrikingeffect!""Don'tforgettoaddknowledge.IwentspeciallytoBerlintoseethelocalwonder-aquarium,andwithoutboastingIcansaythatalthoughmineofcourseisinferiorinsize,itdoesnotyieldtoitintheleastinbeautyandinterest.It'smyprideandcomfort.WhenIfeelboredIcomehere,sitdownandlookatitforhours.Iloveallthesecreaturesforbeingfrank-notlikeushumans.Theydevoureachotherandhavenoqualmsaboutit.Look,doyouseethatfellowrunningdownhisprey?"Alittlefishwasdartingaboutfrantically,fleeingbeforesomelong-bodiedvoraciousenemy.Inmortalterrorittriedtoflingitselfoutofthewaterandhideunderthejuttingrocks,buteverywherethesharpteethpursuedit.Therapaciousenemywasabouttoseizeitwhenanothercamedartinginfromthesideandsnappeduptheprey:thelittlefishdisappearedinitsjaws.Thepursuerstoppedbewildered,whilethethiefvanishedinadarkcorner."Grabbeditfromunderhisnose!"saidKudryashov."Thefool,he'slostit!You'dbesurprisedhowmuchofthissmallfrytheydevour:todayyouletinamassofthem,andthenextdaythey'realleatenup.Theyeatthemupanddon'tgiveathoughtaboutwhetherit'smoralorimmoral,butwe?I'veonlyrecentlygrownoutofthatstupidhabit,VasilyPetrovich.Don'tyouagreewithmeyetthatitisstupid?""Whatis?"saidVasilyPetrovich,stillstaringatthewater."Thepricksofconscience,Imean.What'stheuse?Whenatastymorselcomesyou

rwayyoujustgrabit,conscienceorno.Ihavedoneawaywiththem,thosepricksofconscience,andtrytotakeafterthesebeasts."Andhepointedtotheaquarium."Youarefreetodoasyouplease,"VasilyPetrovichsaidwithasigh."Thoseareseaplantsandseaanimals,Ibelieve?""Yes.Thewatercomesfromthesea,too.Ihavehaditspeciallylaidon.""Haveyoureally?Itmustcostanenormouslotofmoney.""It'snonetoocheap.Myaquariumcostsmenearlythirtythousand.""Thirtythousand!"VasilyPetrovichexclaimed,aghast."Withasalaryofonlyathousandsixhundred!""Oh,dropthathorrification!Ifyou'veseenenoughofthis,let'sgo.IvanmusthavebroughtwhatIaskedhim.Justamoment,I'llswitchoffthecurrent."Theaquariumwasplungedindarknessagain.Thecandle,whichwasstillburning,

seemedadimsmokylighttoVasilyPetrovich.Whentheycameintothedining-roomtheyfoundIvanstandingreadytherewithabottleswathedinanapkin.

1879

ARTISTS

I

DEDOV

TodayIfeelasthoughatremendousloadhadbeentakenoffmymind.Thegoodluckwassounexpected!Tohellwithmyengineer'suniform,tohellwithmyinstrumentsandestimates!Butisitnotashametorejoiceatthedeathofmypooraunt,justbecausesheleftmealegacythatenablesmetogiveuptheservice?True,itwasherdyingwishthatIshoulddevotemyselfentirelytomyfavouriteoccupation,andIamgladnowthatIamable,amongotherthings,tofulfilherardentdesire.Thatwasyesterday....HowastonishedourchieflookedwhenheheardthatIwasgivi



ngupmypost!AndwhenIexplainedwhatIwasdoingitforhesimplystaredatmeopen-mouthed."Forloveofart?H'm!Handinyourapplication."Andwithoutawordmoreheturnedandwentaway.ButthatwasallIneeded.Iwasfree,Iwasanartist!Wasnotthattheheightofbliss?IwantedtogetawayfrompeopleandfromSt.Petersburg,soItookaboatandwentoutforarunalongtheseashore.Thewater,thesky,thecitygleaminginthesunfromafar,thebluewoodsskirtingtheshoresofthebay,themasttopsintheKronstadtroads,thedozensofsteamboatsandglidingsailingvesselsthatflewpastme-allappearedtomeinanewlight.Allthiswasmine,allwaswithinmypower,Icouldsnatchitall,flingituponthecanvas,andsetitbeforethemob,fascinatedbythespellofart.True,oneoughtnottosellthebearskinbeforeonehascaughtthebear;sofarIcouldhardlybecalledagreatartist.Theboatswiftlycleavedthesmoothsheetofwater.Theboatman,atall,strong,handsomeyoungmaninacrimsonshirt,steadilypliedtheoars,swinginghisbodybackwardandforward,andpropellingtheboatwithpowerfulstrokes.ThesinkingsunplayeduponhisfaceandshirtwithsuchstrikingeffectthatIwasmovedtomakeasketchofhimincolours.Mylittleboxcontainingcanvases,paintsandbrusheswasalwayswithme."StoprowingandsitstillforaminutewhileIpaintyou,"Isaid.'Helayontheoars."Sitasthoughyouwerefeatheringtheoars."Heswungtheoarsbacklikeabirdspreadingitswingsandfrozeinthatbeautif

ulattitude.Idashedoffapenciloutlineandbeganpainting.Imixedthecolourswithapeculiarsenseofjoy.IknewthatnothingwouldtearmeawayfromthemaslongasIlived.Theboatmanquicklybegantotire;thedashingexpressionofhisfacegaveplacetoadullapatheticlook.Hebegantoyawn,andonceevenwipedhisfacewithhissleeve,todowhichhehadtobendhisheaddowntotheoar.Thefoldsofhisshirtwerelost.Whatanuisance!Ihatewhenmymodelmoves."Can'tyousitstill,oldchap!"Hegrinned."Whatareyoulaughingat?""It'ssofunny,sir!"hesaidwithasheepishsmile."What'sfunnyaboutit?""PaintingmeasifIwasararityorsomething.Likeapicture."

"That'swhatit'sgoingtobe,myfriend-apicture.""Whatdoyouwantitfor?""Forpractice.AfterIhavepaintedsmallonesforatime,Ishallstartpaintingbigones.""Bigones?""Yes,asbigasthreesagenes."Hewassilent,thenaskedgravely:"Idaresayyoucanpaintsacredimages,too?""Ican,butI'dratherpaintpictures.""Isee."HeJetthatsinkin,thenaskedagain:"Whataretheyfor?""Whatarewhatfor?"

"Thesepictures...."Naturally,Ididnotstartdeliveringhimalectureaboutthepurposeofart,butmerelysaidthatthesepicturessoldforgoodmoney-asmuchasathousand,twothousandandevenmoreapiece.Theboatman'scuriositywasgratifiedandheaskednomorequestions.Thesketchwasanexcellentone,(thosewarmtonesofredcalicoilluminedbythesettingsunarelovely),andIreturnedhomeperfectlyhappy.

II



RYABININ

Beforeme,inastrainedattitude,standsoldTaras,themodel,whomProfessorX-hadtoldtoputhis"hantonderhead,"becauseitwassupposedtobe"aferyclassicalpose."Iaminthemidstofacrowdofclassmates,allofwhomaresitting,likeme,beforetheireasels,paletteandbrushinhand.RightinfrontsitsDedov,paintingTaraswithgreatzeal,althoughheisalandscapepainter.Adeephushreignsintheclass-room,whichisfilledwiththeodoursofpaint,oilandturpentine.EveryhalfhourTarasisgivenarest;hesitsdownontheedgeofthepackingcasethatserveshimasapedestal,andthe"model"becomesjustanordinarynakedoldman,whostretcheshislimbs,whichhavegrownstiffthroughlongstanding,dispenseswithahandkerchief,andsoon.Thestudentspressroundtheeasels,examiningeachother'swork.Thereisacrowdofthemaroundmine;Iamaveryablestudentoftheacademyandholdoutgreatpromiseofbecomingoneof"ourcoryphaei,"touseanaptexpressionofV.S.,thewell-knownartcritic,whohadlongpredictedthat"Ryabininwillmakegood."Thatiswhyeveryoneislookingatmywork.Fiveminuteslaterallarebackintheirplaces,Tarasclambersontohispedestalandputshishandonhishead,andwealldaubawayagain.Andsoeveryday.Tiresome,isitnot?Ihavelongcometorealizehowverytiresomeitis.ButIamlikearailwayenginewithanopensteamport,whichhasbuttwoalternatives:torollalongtherailsuntilthesteamisexhausted,ortojumpthemandredu

cetheshapelycolossusofironandbrassintoashapelesswreckage.Iamontherails;theyclaspmywheels,andifIrunoffthem,whatthen?Comewhatmay,Imustrolldowntothestationeventhoughthatstationappearstomeablackholeinwhichyoucannotmakeanythingout.Otherssaythatthiswillbeartisticactivity.Thatitissomethingartisticisundeniable,butthatitisactivity....WhenIwalkroundtheexhibitionandlookatthepictures,whatdoIseeinthem?Canvaseswithpaintlaidontheminsuchawaythattheyproduceeffectssimilartothoseproducedbyvariousobjects.Peoplegoaboutmarvelling-howcleverlythecoloursarearranged!Andnothingmore.Books,stacksofbookshavebeenwrittenonthesubject;manyofthemIhaveread.ButtheTaines,theCarrieres,theKuglers,andalltheothersuptoProudhonwhohavewrittenaboutart,provenothing.Theyalltalkaboutthemeaningofart,butwhenIreadthemthethough

talwayslurksinthebackofmymind-isthereameaning?Ihaveseennogoodpictureexerciseanygoodinfluenceonanyone,sowhyshouldIbelieveinit?Why?Imustbelieve,itisabsolutelyessentialthatIshould,buthow?HowcanIbesurethatmywholelifewillnotmerelyservetogratifythestupidcuriosityofthemob(ifnotsomethingworse-torouseBaseinstincts,forinstance)orthevanityofsomeparvenustomachonlegs,whowillsaunteruptomypicture-apictureborninthethroesofexperience,paintednotwithpigmentsandbrush,butwithmyverynervesandheart'sblood-mutter:"Mm...notbad,"thrusthishandintohisbulgingpocket,tossmeafewhundredrublesandtakeitawayfromme.Takeittogetherwithalltheemotionsandsoulstirrings,thesleeplessnights,thejoysandthepain,thehopesanddisappointmentsthatwentintoitscreation.Andagainyouwalkaloneamidstthecrowd.Mechanicallyyoupaintthemodelintheevening,mechanicallyyoupainthiminthemorning,excitingthewond

eroftheprofessorsandyourclassmatesbyyourrapidprogress.Whatareyoudoingthisfor,whitherareyougoing?FourmonthshavealreadypassedsinceIsoldmylastpainting,butIhavenoideasforanewone.IwishIcouldthinkofsomething.Itwouldgivemeutteroblivionforawhile,Iwouldgivemyselfuptothepaintingcompletely,likeonesunkintheseclusionofacloister.Thethoughts-whither?why?vanishwhenyouwork;thereisbutasinglethoughtinyourhead,asinglepurpose,andthefulfilmentofitgivesyoupleasure.Thepictureisaworldinwhichyouliveandtowhichyouareanswerable.Conventionalstandardsvanishhere-youcreatenewonesforyourselfinthisnewworldofyours,andyoufeelinthemyourrightfulness,



yourworthoryourworthlessnessandfalsehoodinyourownpeculiarway,detachedfromlife.Butyoucannotpaintallthetime.Intheevening,whenduskinterruptsyourwork,youreturntolifeandhearagainthateternalquestion:"Why?",whichkeepsyouawake,makesyoutossaboutfeverishlyinyourbed,andstareintothedarknessasthoughtheanswerwerewrittentheresomewhere.Andyoufallasleeptowardsmorningtoawakenagaintoanotherworldofdreamspeopledonlybyimagesthatcomefromwithinyourselfandtakeshapeandsubstanceuponthecanvasbeforeyou."Whyaren'tyouworking,Ryabinin?"myneighbouraskedmeloudly.Icameoutofmyreverieswithastart.Myhandholdingthepalettehunglimp;theskirtofmyfrockcoatwassmearedwithpaint;thebrusheslayonthefloor.Iglancedatmysketch;itwasfinished,andfinishedwell:Tarasstoodoutonthecanvaslikereal."Ihavefinished,"Ianswered.Theclasswasover,too.Themodelgotoffhisboxandbegandressing;allbegannoisilycollectingtheirthings.Ahumofconversationarose.Thestudentscameovertomeandcomplimentedmeonmywork."Amedal.Thebestsketch,"somesaid.Othersweresilent:artistsdonotliketopraiseoneanother.

Ill

DEDOV

IbelieveIcommandtherespectofmyclassmates.Nodoubtmymoremellowagehassomethingtodowithit;theonlymanintheacademyolderthanIisVolsky.Yes,artpossessesanamazingpowerofattraction!Volskyisaretiredofficer,agentlemanofaboutforty-fivewithacompletelygreyhead;toentertheacademyatsuchanageandstartstudyingalloveragain-isn'tthatheroic?Butheworkshard:inthesummer,rainorshine,hepaintssketchesfrommorningtilleveningwithakindofreligiousfervour;inthewinter,whenit'slight,heisalwayspainting,andintheeveninghedraws.Intwoyearshehasmadeagreatadvance,althoughnaturehasnotendowedhimwithanyspecialgifts.NowRyabininisanothermatter:adevilishlygiftednature,butterriblylazy.Idon'tthinkhewillmakegood,althoughalltheyoungartistsarehisadmirers.

WhatIcan'tmakeoutishisoddpredilectionforso-calledrealsubjects:hepaintspeasants'bastshoes,foot-wrapsandsheepskincoatsasifhehadnotseenenoughoftheminreallife.Thesurprisingthingishehardlyworksatall.Sometimeshewillsitdownandcompleteapictureinamonth,andeveryoneshoutsaboutitasifitwereamiracle,whileatthesametimeadmittingthatthetechniqueleavesmuchtobedesired(inmyopinionhistechniqueisverypoorindeed);andthenhestopspaintingevensketches,goesaboutlookinggloomy,doesn'tspeaktoanyone,notevenme,althoughhedoesnotshunme,Ithink,asmuchashedoeshisothercomrades.Astrangeyoungman!Thesepeoplewhocannotfindcompletesatisfactioninartsurpriseme.Theycannotunderstandthatnothingismoreennoblingthancreativework.YesterdayIfinishedmypictureanddisplayedit,andtodaypeoplehavealreadybeenaskingtheprice.Iwillnotletitgoatlessthan300.Ihavebeenoffere

d250.Idon'tbelieveincomingdownoncethepricehasbeenfixed.Itmakespeoplerespectyou.Allthelessreasonisthereforcomingdownnowwhenthepictureissuretosell;thesubjectisapopularoneandwell-liked:winter,sunset;blacktrunksintheforegroundstandoutsharplyagainstaglowingsky.K.paintsthatway,andwhatasalehehas!Theysayhemadeasmuchastwentythousandinasinglewinter.Notbad!Prettylittlesum!Ican'tunderstandhowsomeartistsmanagetolivesopoorly.TakeK.now-notoneofhiscanvasesiseverwasted;everythingsells.Youonlyhavetotakeacommon-senseviewofthings:whileyouarepaintingapictureyouareanartist;whenit'sdone,youareadealer;andtheshrewderyouhandlethebusinessthebetter.Peoplearealwaystryingt



ocheatusartists.

IV

RYABININ

IliveintheFifteenthLine,SredniProspekt,andfourtimesadayItakeawalkalongthequaysidewhereforeignsteamshipsputin.Ilovethisplaceforitscolourfulness,itsnoiseandbustle,andforthewealthofmaterialitprovidesmewith.Itwashere,watchingtheday-labourerscarryingsacks,windingwindlassesandwinches,anddrivingtruckswithallkindsofloads,thatIlearnedtodrawtheworkingman.IwalkedhomewithDedov,thelandscapist.Amanaskindlyandinnocentasthelandscapeitselfandpassionatelyinlovewithhisart.Hereisonewhohasnodoubtswhatever;hepaintswhathesees:ifheseesariver,hepaintsariver,ifheseesatussockymarshhepaintsatussockymarsh.Whathewantsthatriverandthatmarshfor,heneverstopstothink.Heis,Ibelieve,aneducatedman;atanyratehehasgraduatedasanengineer.Hegaveuphispostinthecivilserviceaftercomingintosomepropertyorother,whichenableshimtoexistwithoutworking.Nowhepaintsforallheisworth:inthesummerhesitssketchinginafieldorinthewoodsfrommorningtillevening,inthewinterhenevertiresofcomposingsunsets,sunrises,noons,thebeginningandendingofrain,winters,springsandsoforth.'Hehasforgottenhisengineeringanddoesnotregreti

t.Butwhenwepassthewharvesheoftenexplainstometheuseofthehugeironandsteelmasses-machineparts,boilersandotheroddsandendsunloadedfromthesteamers."Lookatthatthumpingboilerthey'veshippedover,"hesaidtomeoneevening,givingtheboileraresoundingwhackwithhisstick."Doyoumeantosaywecan'tmakethemhereathome?"Isaid."Theymakethemhere,too,butnotenough.Seewhatalotthey'vebroughtover.Prettypoorworkmanship,too;they'llhavetoberepairedhere;seethejointscomingundone?Therivetshavecomeloosehere,too.Doyouknowhowit'sdone?Ahellishjob,Itellyou.Amancrawlsinsidetheboilerandgripstherivetwithpincers,pressingonitwithhischestashardashecanwhileaworkmanoutsidehammerstherivetuntilhehasbeatenaheadonitlikethis."Hepointedtoalongrowofraisedmetallicdisksrunningalongtheboilerseam.

"But,Dedov,that'sasgoodashammeringathischest!""Soitis.Itrieditonceinsidetheboiler,andcrawledoutafterthefourthrivetmoredeadthanalive.Mychestwasallbruised.Butthesemensomehowmanagetogetusedtoit.Tobesure,theydielikeflies;afterayearortwo,ifthemansurvivesatall,heishardlyfitforanything.Norwouldyoubeifyouhadtotaketerrificblowsofahammeronyourchestalldaylong,andhunchedupinastuffyboileratthat.Inwintertheironisfreezingcold,andhehastositorlieonit.Thatboileroverthere,now-thenarrowredone,seeit?-youcan'tevensitinthat:youhavetolieonyoursidechestup.It'shardworkforthoseHumanAnvils.""HumanAnvils?""Yes,that'swhattheworkmencallthem.Theyoftengrowdeaffromthedin.Andyouthinktheyreceivemuchforthisgruellingtoil?Amerepittance!Becauseyo

udon'tneedskillorarthere,butjustflesh....You'dbesurprised,Ryabinin,howmanypainfulimpressionsyougetatallthesefactories!Iamsogladtobedonewiththemforgood.Lifewassimplyamiseryatfirst,withallthatsufferingaroundyou.Havingnaturetodealwithisquiteadifferentthing.Shedoesyounoharm,andyoudon'thavetocauseheranyharminordertoexploitherthewayweartistsdo.Justlookatthatgreyishtone!"Hesuddenlybrokeoff,pointingtoapatchofsky."There,justbelowthatlittlecloud-isn'titlovely!Ithasagreenishtinge.Ifyouweretopaintitexactlyasitis,noonewouldbelieveyou,Iamsure.It'snotbadreally,isit?"Iexpressedmyapproval,although,totellthetruth,Isawnothingbeautifulin



thatdunpatchofSt.Petersburgsky,andinterruptedDedov,whowasabouttogooffintorapturesoveranothertonerefinementelsewhere."Tellme,wherecanIseeoneofthoseHumanAnvils?""Letusgodowntothefactory;I'llshowyouallkindsofthingsthere.Wecangotomorrowifyoulike.Youdon'tintendtopaintthatHumanAnvil,doyou?It'snotworthit.Can'tyoufindsomethingmorecheerful?Asforthefactorywecangoanytime-tomorrowifyoulike."Wewenttothefactorythesamedayandtookagoodlookround.WesawtheHumanAnvil,too.Hewascrouchinginsideaboiler,receivingtheblowsofthehammeronhischest.Iwatchedhimforhalfanhour;duringthathalf-hourthehammerroseandfellahundredtimes.Themanwrithed.Iamgoingtopainthim.

V

DEDOV

RyabininhastakensuchastupidideaintohisheadthatIdon'tknowwhattothinkaboutit.TheotherdayItookhimdowntoametalworks;wespentthewholedaythere,inspectingeverything,andIexplainedthedifferentprocessestohim(tomysurpriseIhadforgottenverylittleofwhatIhadknownprofessionally);finally,Itookhimintotheboilerdepartment.Theyhappenedtobeworkingthereonanenormousboiler.Ryabiningotinsideitandforhalfanhoursattherewatchingtheworkmanholdingtherivetswithapincers.Hecameoutlookingpal

eandupset;hedidnotsayawordallthewayback.AndtodayheannouncedthathehadalreadybeguntopaintthatHumanAnvil.Whatanidea!Lookingforthepoeticinthemud!HereIcanspeakmymindfreely,andsaywhatIwouldneverhavesaid,ofcourse,inpublic,namely,thatallthismuzhiktrendinart,inmyopinion,issheerugliness.Whowantsthosenotorious"VolgaBargemen"ofRepin's?Theyareexcellentlypainted,Iadmit;butthat'saboutallthereistoit.Whereisthebeautyhere,harmony,refinement?Isitnottoreproducethebeautifulinnaturethatartexists?Lookatmenow!Anotherdayortwo'sworkandmyserene"MorninginMay"willbefinished.Thewaterbarelyripplesinthepond,thedroopingwillowsbendtheirboughsoverit,theEastburstsintoflame,paintingthefleecycloudletsarosytint.Thefigureofawomangoingforwaterwithabucketdescendsthesteepbank,frighteningawayaflockofducks.Andthatisall;itlookssimple,yetI

clearlyfeelthatthereisaworldofpoetryinthepicture.Nowthatisart!Itattunesaman'ssoultoamoodofgentletranquilwistfulness,itsoftenshisheart.ButRyabinin'sHumanAnvilwillaffectnoone,ifonlybecausepeoplewilltrytogetawayfromitasquicklyastheycaninordertoberidofthatsqualidsightoffilthyragsanduglymug.It'saqueerthing!Nowinmusic,forinstance,noharshdiscordantsoundsarepermitted:thenwhyshouldwe,inpainting,beallowedtodepictpositivelyuglyandrepellentimages?ImustspeaktoL.aboutthis;hewillwriteanarticleandtakeRyabinindownapegortwowhileheisatit.Hedeservesit.

VI

RYABININ

ItisafortnightsinceIstoppedgoingtotheacademy.Isitathome,painting.Theworkhaswornmeoutcompletely,althoughitisgoingwell.Ishouldhavesaidbecauseitisgoingwellinsteadofalthough.TheneareritmovestocompletionthemorefrighteningdoesthisthingIhavepaintedseemtome.Ialsohaveafeelingthatthiswillbemylastpainting.Therehesitsbeforeme,crouchinginthedarkboiler,amanclothedinrags,pantingwithfatigue.Hewouldnotbevisibleatallbutforthelightthatfiltersthroughtheroundholesdrilledfortherivets.Thesedisksoflightspangleh



isclothesandface,throwpatchesofgleaminggoldonhistatters,onhismattedgrimybeardandhair,hislividface,downwhichpourssweatmixedwithdirt,onhisknottedtoil-wornhands,hisbroad,sunken,pain-rackedchest.Theterribleblowsdescendupontheboilerwithoutastopandmaketheunfortunatefellowexerteveryounceofhisstrengthtokeephisbodybalancedinitsunnaturalpose.IhavetriedtoexpressthisstrainedeffortofthemanasbestIcould.SometimesIputasidemypaletteandbrushesandsitdownasfarawayfromthepictureasIcan,directlyfacingit.Iampleasedwithit;Ihaveneverdoneanythingsowellasthatghastlything.Theonlytroubleisthissatisfaction/istorturetomeinsteadofapleasure.Itisnotapaintedpicture,itisaripeneddisease.WhereitisgoingtoendIdonotknow,butIfeelthatafterthispictureIwillhavenothingmoretopaint.Fowlers,fishers,huntsmenwithallkindsofexpressionsandtypicalfaces,thatwhole"richdomainofgenre"-ofwhatuseisittomenow?IshallneverbeaseffectualasIamwiththisHumanAnvil,ifIameffectualatall....Imadeanexperiment:IinvitedDedovdownandshowedhimmypicture.Allhesaidwas,"Oh,Isay,"andspreadhishands.Hesatdown,lookedatitforhalfanhour,thensilentlytookhisleaveandwentaway.Ibelievehewasimpressed.Butthenheisanartistafterall.I,too,sitinfrontofmypicture,anditimpressesmetoo.Youlookandcannottearyoureyesawayfromit;youfeelforthatpain-rackedtorturedfigure.SometimesIevenseemtoheartheblowsofthehammer.Itwilldrivememad.Imustcoveritup.Theeaselwiththepictureonitiscoveredwithacloth,butIstillsitbefore

it,thesamedreadunutteredthoughtspreyingonmymind.Thesungoesdownandthrowsashaftofslantingyellowlightuponthecoveredeaselthroughthedustywindow-panes.Exactlylikeahumanfigure.LiketheWeltgeistinFaust,asrepresentedbyGermanactors....Werruftmich1?Whocallsthee?I,Imyselfhavecreatedtheehere.Ihaveinvokedthee,notfromthe"spheres,"butfromadarkandstuffyboilerinorderthatthesightoftheemayappalthatclean,thatsleekandhatefulrabble.Boundtocanvasbythespellofmypower,comeforth,gazedownuponthosedresscoatsandtrains,andshouttothem:Iamafesteringsore!Smitetheirhearts,givethemnosleep,riseasaghostbeforetheireyes!Killtheirpeaceofmind,asthouhastkilledmine....Notlikely!Thepicturehasbeenfinished,andputinagiltframe,andtwoatte

ndantswillbearitofftotheexhibitionattheacademyontheirheads.AndnowthereitstandsamongtheNoonsandSunsets,nexttoa"Girlwithacat,"notfarfromaseven-yard-long"IvanGroznypiercingthefootofVaskaShibanovwithhisstaff."Youcannotsaythatnoonelookedatit;peoplewilllookatitandevenpraiseit.Artistswilldiscussthetexture.Reviewers,takingtheircuefromthem,willstartscribblingintheirnotebooks.Mr.V.S.alonetakeshiscuefromnoone;helooks,approves,praises,andshakesmyhand.L.theartcriticwillfuriouslyattackthepoorHumanAnvil,andshout:"Butwheredoesbeautycomein?Tellme,whereisthebeautiful?"Andhewillrailatmeingoodset"terms.Thepublic....Thepublicpassbyimpassivelyorwithagrimaceofdistaste;theladieswillmerelysay:"Ah,commeilestlaid,ceHumanAnvil,"andsailalongtothenextpicture,the"Girlwithacat,"lookingatwhichtheywillsay:"Pretty,verypretty,"orsomethinglikethat.Solid-lookingox-eyedgentlem

enwillstareatit,lowertheirgazetothecatalogue,emitasoundthatishalfmooandhalfsniff,andproceedontheirway.Onlysomeyouth,perhaps,orsomeyounggirlwillstopattentively,andreadwithamazementintheanguish-filledeyeslookingdownatthemfromthecanvasthecryofpainthatIhaveputintothem.Andwhatnext?Thepicturehasbeenshown,bought,andtakenaway.Butwhatisgoingtohappentome?WillallthatIhavelivedthroughtheselastfewdaysbelostwithoutatrace?Willtheendofitbeamerestirringofemotion,afterwhichwillcomerelaxationandaquestofinnocentsubjects?Innocentsubjects!Iwassuddenlyremindedofapicture-gallerykeeperofmyacquaintance,whocompil



edacatalogue,andshoutedtotheclerk:"Martynov,takeitdown!No.112.Firstlovescene:girlplucksarose.""Martynov,anotherone!No.113.Secondlovescene:girlsmellstherose."ShallIbesmellingtheroseasbefore?OrwillIgoofftherails?

VII

DEDOV

RyabininhasalmostfinishedhisHumanAnvilandinvitedmetodaytohavealookatit.Iwenttherewithaprejudicedmind,butImustsaythatwhatIsawmademechangemyopinion.Mostimpressive.Thedesignisexcellent.Plasticityofsurface.Bestofallisthelighting,atonceeerieandperfectlytrue.Thepicturewouldundoubtedlyhaveitsmeritswereitnotforthatqueerpreposteroussubject.L.quiteagreeswithme,andhisarticlewillappearinthenewspapernextweek.We'llseewhatRyabininwillhavetosaythen.L.,ofcourse,willhavedifficultyincriticizingthepictureasfarastechniqueisconcerned,butthenhewillbeabletodealwithitssignificanceasaworkofart,whichdoesnotbearbeingdegradedtotheserviceofbaseandvagueideas.L.visitedmetoday.Hewasfullofpraise.Madecertainremarksonvariousminorpoints,butonthewholewasverycomplimentary.Ifonlytheprofessorslookedatmypicturewithhiseyes!IwonderwhetherIwillreceiveatlonglastwhateverystudentoftheacademystrivesafter-agoldmedal?Amedal,fouryearsof

lifeabroadwithallexpensespaid,andinprospect-aprofessorship.Yes,Ididtherightthingtodropthatdrearyhumdrumwork,thatdrudgery,whereateverystepyourunintooneoranotherofRyabinin'shumananvils.

VIII

RYABININ

ThepicturehasbeensoldandtakentoMoscow.Ireceivedthemoneyforit,andonthedemandofmyfriendswasobligedtoentertainthemattheVienna.Idon'tknowwhenthatcustomfirstarose,butpracticallyallthecelebrationsamongtheyoungartistsareheldintheprivatecornerroomofthathotel.Itisalarg

ehighroomwithachandelier,andbronzecandelabras,withcarpetsandfurnituredarkenedbyageandtobaccosmoke,andagrandpiano,whichhaddonesomehardworkinitsdayundertheblithefingersofimpromptupianists;thehugelooking-glassaloneisnew,becauseitischangedtwoorthreetimesayear,wheneverroisteringmerchantsinsteadofartistsareinpossessionofthecornerroom.Quiteacrowdhadgathered:genrists,landscapistsandsculptors,tworeviewersfromsomesmallnewspapers,andseveralstrangers.Theybegandrinkingandtalking.Withinhalfanhourallweretalkingtogether,aseveryonewasabittight.Iwastoo.Irememberbeingtossedforajollygoodfellowandmakingaspeech.ThenIkissedoneofthereviewersanddrankfraternitywithhim.Wedrank,talkedandkissedagooddeal,andbrokeupatfourinthemorning.Twoofourcompany,ifIamnotmistaken,spentthenightrightthereinthecornerroomofthehotelVienna.

Ibarelymanagedtogethome,andflungmyselfdownonmybedwithoutundressing.IfeltasifIwereinastorm-tossedship,andtheroomseemedtobepitchingandrollingtogetherwiththebed.Thislastedforaminuteortwo,andthenIfellasleep.Ifellasleep,andwokeupverylate.Myheadaches;mybodyisweightedwithlead.ForalongtimeIcannotopenmyeyes,andwhenIdo,Iseetheeasel-theemptyeaselwithoutthepicture.Itremindsmeofpastexperiences,andthethingstartsalloveragain....MyGod,Imustdosomethingtoendthis!Myheadachesworseandworse,andamistenfoldsme.Ifallasleep,wakeup,andfallasleepagain.AndIknownotwhetheritisdeathlysilencethatreignsar



oundmeordeafeningnoise,ahideouschaosofsoundthatisterribletotheear.Itmaybesilence,butthereissomethinginitthatclangsandknocks,spinsandflies.Itislikeanenormousthousand-horsepowerpump,pumpingwaterfromabottomlessabyss,pumpingwithanoiseinwhichonecandistinguishthedullthudoffallingwaterandthepoundingoftheengine.Andrisingaboveitallasinglenote,anendless,drawn-out,agonizingnote.Iwanttoopenmyeyes,togetup,goovertothewindow,openitandhearlivingsounds,ahumanvoice,therattleofcabwheels,thebarkingofadog-anythingbutthatperpetualdin.ButIhavenostrength.Iwasdrunkyesterday.AndImustliehereandlistentoit,listenwithoutend'.Iwakeupandfallasleepagain.Theclangourandclattersoundharsher,closer,moredistinct.Thepoundingdrawsnear,keepingtimewithmypulse.Isitwithinme,inmyhead,oroutsideofme?Harsh,clear,distinct..,one-two,one-two....Ahammeringuponmetalorsomethingelse.Iclearlyhearthesoundofblowsuponiron;theironboomsandquivers.Thehammeratfirststrikeswithamuffledsound,asthoughfallingintoaviscidmass,andthengrowsmorevibrant,untilatlastthehugeboilerisringinglikeabell.Thenapause,thenquietlyagain;louderandlouder,andagainthatunbearableear-splittingclang.Yes,that'swhatitis:atfirsttheystrikethesoftred-hotiron,andafterwardsithardens.Theboiler,too,makesthatboomingnoisewhentheheadoftherivethashardened.Iunderstandnow.Butthoseothersounds-whatarethey?Itrytomakethemout,butamistcloudsmybrain.Itseemssoeasytoremember,ithauntsmymind,somaddeninglynear-butwhatitisIknownot.Icannotgraspit.Butletitbe.Iknowwhatitis,onlyIcannotrecollectit.

Butthenoiseswellsanddiminishes,nowgrowingtoahideousvolume,nowalmostdyingawayaltogether.Anditseemstomeasifitisnotthenoisethatisdyingaway,butmyselfdisappearingsomewhere,andIcannothearanything,Icannotstirafinger,openaneyelid,orcryout.Sheerterrorgripsme,andIawakeinacoldsweat.Rather,Iawaketoanotherdream.IdreamthatIamatafactoryagain,butnottheoneIwenttowithDedov.Thisoneislargerandgloomier.Onallsidesstandgiganticfurnacesofthequeerestshapes.Flamesshootoutofthem,coveringthealreadycoal-blackroofandwallsofthebuildingwithsoot.Themachinesjoggleandscreech,andIambarelyabletopassbetweentherevolvingwheelsandrunningquiveringbelts;notasoulanywhere.Fromsomewherecomesaclangandclatter:thatiswheretheworkisgoingon.Wildshrieks,terrificblowscanbeheardthere;Idreadgoinginthere,butIambornealongdespitemyself,andtheblowssoundeverlouder,thescreamsmoreterrifying.Thenever

ythingmergesintoaroar,andIsee....Iseeaqueerhideouscreatureonthegroundsquirmingundertheblowsthatraindownonhimfromallsides.Awholemobisbeatinghimwithwhatevercomeshandy.Hereareallmyacquaintanceswithfrenziedfaces,strikingthiscreature,forwhomIhavebeenabletofindnoname,withhammers,crowbars,sticks,andfists.Iknowthatitishe,thesameone....Irushforward,wanttoshoutout:"Stop!Whatareyoudoing?"andsuddenlyseeawhite,distorted,terribleface-terriblebecausethatfaceismyown.Iseemyself,myotherself,raisingahammertodealasmashingblow.Thenthehammerdescendeduponmyskull.Everythingdisappeared;foratimeIwasstillawareofthedarkness,thesilence,theemptinessandmyownimmobility,butpresentlyIdisappearedmyself....Ryabininlayunconscioustilltheevening,whenthelandlady,aFinn,remindingherselfthatherlodgerhadnotlefthisroomallday,wentintohimandfound

thepooryouthtossingaboutandravinginahighfever.Frightened,sheutteredanexclamationinanunintelligiblenativedialect,andsentherlittlegirlforadoctor.Thedoctorcame,lookedatthepatient,examinedhim,grunted,satdownatthetable,wroteoutaprescriptionandrodeaway,whileRyabinincontinuedtoraveandtossaboutinhisbed.

IX

DEDOV



Ryabinin,poordevil,fellillafteryesterday'scarouse.Iwenttoseehimandfoundhimlyinginsensible.Hislandladyisnursinghim.Ihadtogivehersomemoneyastherewasn'takopekonRyabinin'stable;Idon'tknowwhethertheconfoundedwomanhadstolenit,orwhetherhehadspentitallattheVienna.True,wehadmadearealnightofitandhadhadajollygoodtime;RyabininandIdrankfraternity.IalsodrankwithL.Afinechap,L.,andhowheunderstandsart!IhaveneverknownanyonetoshowsuchasubtleunderstandingofwhatIwantedtosayinmypictureashehasdoneinhislastarticle,andIamverygratefultohimforit.Ioughttopaintasmallthing,somethingalaKlever,andmakehimapresentofit.Bytheway,hisnameisAlexander;isn'tithisSaint'sDaytomorrow?I'mafraiditwillgohardwithpoorRyabinin,though;thatbigpicturehe'spaintingfortheexaminationisfarfromfinished,andhemaybelatewithit.Ifheisillforamonthhewillnotgetthemedal.Itwillmeangoodbyethentohisforeignjourney.OnethingIamgladof-that,asalandscapist,Iamnotcompetingwithhim;buthiscomradesmustberubbingtheirhands.Idon'tblamethem-itmeansonechancemore.ButRyabininmustnotbelefttothemercyoffate;Ishallhavetotakehimtothehospital.

X

RYABININ

AfterlyingunconsciousformanydaysIcametomyselftodayandcouldnotmakeoutwhereIwas.ItwassometimebeforeIrealizedthatthelongwhitepackagelyingbeforemyeyeswasmyownbody,tuckedupinablanket.WithagreateffortIturnedmyheadtorightandleft-whichcausedabuzzinginmyears-andsawalongdimlylitwardwithtworowsofbedsonwhichlaythewrappedupfiguresofpatients,aknightinarmourstandingbetweenlargewindowswithwhiteloweredblindswhoprovedtobesimplyahugebrasswashstand.aniconoftheSaviourinacornerwithaglimmeringlittleoillampbeforeit,andtwocolossaltiledstoves.Iheardthelowlabouredbreathingofmyneighbour,thegurglingsighsofasickmanlyingalittlewayoff,andtheloudsnoresofanattendant,apparentlyhiredtowatchatthebedsideofadangerouslysickman,whomayhavebeena

live,ormayhavebeenalreadydeadandwaslyingherewithus,theliving.Us,theliving...."Alive,"Ithought,andevenwhisperedtheword.Andsuddenlyacuriousfeelingofjoyandelation,suchasIhadnotexperiencedsinceachild,sweptovermetogetherwiththerealizationthatIwasoutofdeath'steach,thatIhadawholelifetimebeforeme,alifewhichIwouldnodoubtbeabletoshapeaftermyownpattern(oh,youmaybecertainofthat),andIturnedoveronmyside,albeitwithdifficulty,drewmykneesup,putmyhandundermyheadandfellasleep,justasIusedtodoinchildhood,when,wakingupinthemiddleofthenightbesideyoursleepingmother,youhearthewindow-panesrattlinginthewind,andstormwailingplaintivelyinthechimney,andthelogsofthehousecrackinglikepistolshotsfromtheseverefrostoutside,andyoubegintocrysoftly,atonceafraidandanxioustowakeyourmother,andsheawakes,kissesyousleepilyandmakesthesignofthecrossoveryou,andyourfearsallay

ed,yourollyourselfupintoaballandfallasleepagain,yourlittlehearthappilywarm.MyGod,howweakIam!TodayItriedtogetupandcrossoverfrommybedtothatofmyneighbouropposite,astudent,whowasconvalescingfromthefever,andInearlydroppedmidway.Butmyheadisrecoveringfasterthanmybody.WhenIcametomyselfIhardlyrememberedanything,andIhadtomakeanefforttorecollecteventhenamesofmyintimateacquaintances.Nowithasallcomeback,butnotasarealityofthepast,butasadream.Itdoesnottormentmeanymore,no.Thepasthasgonebeyondrecall.Dedovtodaybroughtmeaheapofnewspapersinwhichpraiseislavishedonmy"H



umanAnvil"andhis"Morning."L.alonedidnotpraiseme.Butwhocaresnow.Itisallsofarfaraway.IamverygladforDedov'ssake;hehasreceivedthegrandgoldmedalandwillsoonbegoingabroad.Heisdelighted;hisfaceshineslikeabutteredpancake.HeaskedwhetherIintendedcompetingnextyear,seeingthatmyillnesshadpreventedmefromdoingsonow.ThewayhestaredwhenItoldhim"no"!"Youdon'tmeanitseriously?""Quiteseriously,"Ianswered."Thenwhatareyougoingtodo?""Idon'tknowyet."Hewentawayapuzzledman.

XI

DEDOV

ThislastfortnightIhadbeenlivinginadazedstateofexcitementandimpatience,andonlynow,whenIamsittinginthecoachoftheWarsawRailway,haveIcalmeddown.Icanscarcelybelieveit:Iamnowapensioneroftheacademy,anartistgoingabroadforfouryearstoperfecthimselfinart.VivatAcademia!ButRyabinin,Ryabinin!IsawhiminthestreettodayasIwasgettingintothecarriagethatwastotakemetothestation."Icongratulateyou,"hesaid,"youmaycongratulatemetoo."

"Onwhat?""Ihavejustpassedmyexaminationattheteachers'seminary."Theteachers'seminary!Anartist,atalent!Why,hewillruinhimself,thevillagewillbetheendofhim!Themanmustbemad!

Dedovwasrightforonce;Ryabininwasindeedafailure.Butofthatanothertime.

1879

ATTALEAPRINCEPS

Inacertainbigcitytherewasabotanicalgardenwithavastgreenhouseinitmadeofironandglass.Itwasaveryhandsomebuilding,supportedbyslendertwistedcolumns,uponwhichrestedlightdecorativearcheswebbedwithironwindowframes.Thegreenhouselookeditsbestintheeveningintheredglareofthesunset.Itwasallaglowthen,shotwithshiftinggleams,likeahugesparklinggemwithsmall-cutfacets.Throughthethicktransparentglassonecouldseetheimprisonedplants.Vastthoughthegreenhousewas,theywerecrampedinit.Thetangledrootsfoughtoneanotherformoistureandnutrition.Thebranchesofthetreeswereentwinedwiththehugeleavesofthepalms,whichtheybentandbroke,themselvespressingup

againsttheironframesandbendingandbreakinginturn.Thegardenerswereconstantlyloppingthebranchesandtyingtheleavesupwithwiretocurbtheirwildgrowth,butitdidnothelpmuch.Whattheplantsneededwasthewidefreespacesoftheirnativehabitats.Theywerenativesofhotclimes,tender,luxuriouscreations,whorememberedtheirnativecountriesandyearnedforthem.Howevertransparenttheglassroofmightbe,itwasnotthebrightsky.Sometimes,inthewinter,thepanesfrozeover,andthenitwouldgrowquitedarkinthegreenhouse.Thewindwouldhowlandbeatagainsttheframes,andrattlethem.Snow-driftscoveredtheroof.Listeningtothehowlingofthewind,theplantswouldrememberanotherwind,awarmhumidwindthatgavetothemlifeandhealth.Andthey



longedtofeelitsbreathuponthemagain,tohaveitswaytheirbranchesandwantonwiththeirleaves.Buttheairinthegreenhousewaswithoutastir,exceptperhapssometimesinthewinterwhenthestormwouldsmashapaneofglassandacoldsharpflurry,ladenwithhoarfrost,wouldfinditswayunderthedome.Inthewakeofthatflurrytheleavesturnedwhite,shrank,andwilted.Butnewpaneswereputinveryquickly.Thebotanicalgardenwasinchargeofanexcellentscientificdirector,whokeptthingsinperfectorder,althoughhespentmostofhistimewithamicroscopeinaspecialglasscabinsetupinthemainbuilding.Amongtheplantswasapalm-tree,tallerandmorebeautifulthananyoftheothers.ThedirectorwhosatinhiscabincalleditbytheLatinnameAttalea.Butthatwasnotitsrealname:thebotanistshadmadeitup.Thebotanistsdidnotknowitsnativename,anditwasnotwritteninlampblackonthewhitelittleboardthatwasnailedtothetrunkofthepalm-tree.Onedayatravellerfromthewarmlandwhichthepalm-treehadgrownupinvisitedthebotanicalgarden,andwhenhesawthetreehesmiled,becauseitremindedhimofhome."Ah,"hesaid,"Iknowthattree."Andhecalleditbyitsnativename."Excuseme,"thedirectorshoutedfromhiscabin,wherehehadbeencarefullyslittingopensomestalkswitharazor,"youaremistaken.Thetreeyouhavejustmentioneddoesnotexist.ThisisAttaleaprinceps,anativeofBrazil.""Ohyes,"theBraziliananswered,"IquitebelieveyouthatbotanistscallitAttalea,butithasarealnameofitsown.""Itsrealnameistheonethatsciencehasgivenit,"thebotanistsaiddryly,andshutthedoorofhiscabintokeeppeoplefrominterferingwithhiswork,peo

plewhodidnotevenunderstandthatwhenamanofsciencehadsomethingtosaythebestyoucoulddowastokeepsilentandlistentohim.ButtheBrazilianstoodlookingatthetree,andthelongerhelookedthesadderhegrew.Hethoughtofhiscountry,ofhersunandherskies,herluxuriantforestswiththeirwonderfulbirdsandbeasts,herdeserts,herlovelysouthernnights.Andhethoughtthatnowherehadhebeensohappyasinhisnativeland,althoughhehadtravelledallovertheworld.Hetouchedthetreewithhishand,asifbiddingitfarewell,andleftthegarden.Thenextdayfoundhimsailinghomeinasteamer.Butthepalmremained.Shefeltworsethanevernow,althoughshehadfeltbadenoughbefore.Shewassolonely.Shetoweredthirtyfeetabovethetopsofalltheotherplants,andthoseotherplantsdislikedher,enviedher,thoughtherproud.Herstaturecausedhernothingbutmisery;besidesbeingallalonewhileth

eyweretogether,shebetterrememberedhernativeskyandmisseditmore,becauseshewasnearerthananyoftheotherstothathorridglassroofthattookitsplace.Sometimesshecaughtaglimpseofbluethroughit,aglimpseofsky,alienandwan,butnonethelessrealbluesky.Andwhentheplantschatteredamongthemselves,Attaleawasalwayssilent,thinkinglonginglyhowgooditwouldbetostandunderthatsky,pallidandsicklythoughitwas."Ibegyourpardon,"saidtheSagoPalm,whowasveryfondofmoisture,"doyouknowwhetherwearegoingtobewateredsoonornot?IamafraidIshallbeparchedtoday,really.""Yousurpriseme,dearneighbour,"saidapot-belliedCactus."Doyoumeantosaythatallthatenormousamountofwaterwhichtheypouroutonyoueverydayisnotenoughforyou?Lookatme:Iamgivenverylittlemoisture,yetIamalwaysfreshandjuicy."

"Itisnotourhabittoscrimp,"answeredtheSago."Wearenotacactustogrowonsuchdrymeagresoil.Wearenotaccustomedtolivejustanyhow.Andbesides,letmetellyouyourremarksareuncalledfor."AndtheSago,inahuff,fellsilent."AsfarasIamconcerned,"interposedtheCinnamon,"Iamquitesatisfiedwithmyposition.Tobesure,itisratherdullhere,butatleastIcanlivewithoutfearofbeingbarked.""Butnotallofuswerebarked,"saidtheTree-Fern."Ofcourse,somemaythinkeventhisprisonaparadiseafterthemiserableexistencetheyledoutside."AtthistheCinnamon,forgettingthatithadbeenbarked,waxedindignantandst



artedanargument.Someplantstookitsside,otherstheTree-Fern's,andsomehardwordswereexchanged.Iftheyhadbeenabletomovetherewouldassuredlyhavebeenafight."Whatareyouquarrellingfor?"saidAttalea."Itwon'thelpyou,willit?Youareonlymakingyourselvesmoremiserablewithallthisrancourandbitterness.Insteadofquarrellingyouwoulddobettertouseyourwits.Listentome:growhigherandwider,throwoutyourbranches,pressupagainsttheframesandglass,andourgreenhousewillcometopplingdownandweshallallbefree.Ifonlyonebranchpressesagainsttheglass,theywillcutitoff,ofcourse,butwhatcantheydoagainstahundredstrongbravetrunks?Thethingistogoaboutitalltogether,andvictorywillbeours."AtfirstAttalea'sspeechmetwithnoobjections:everyonewassilent,notknowingwhattosay.AtlasttheSagomadeuphermind."Thatissheernonsense,"shedeclared."Nonsense!Nonsense!"alltheothertreeschimedin,andtriedtoprovetoAttaleathatwhatsheproposedwassimplyabsurd."Vaindreams!"theyshouted."Absurd!Ridiculous!Theframesarestrong,weshallneverbreakthem,andevenifwedo,thenwhat?Menwillcomealongwithknivesandaxes,theywillchopoffthebranches,andmendtheframes,andeverythingwillbeasbefore.Weshallonlyhavebigpiecesofourselveschoppedoffforourpains.""Well,justasyouplease!"answeredAttalea."IknowwhatIhavetodonow.Ishallleaveyouinpeace:liveasyouwill,grumbleatoneanother,quarreloverthewaterdoledouttoyou,andremainforeverinyourglassprison.Iwillfindawaymyself.Iwanttoseetheskyandthesunnotthroughthesebarsandpan

es-andIwill!"AndthePalmlookeddownproudlywithhergreencrownupontheforestofhermatesspreadbeneathher.Noneofthemhadthecouragetosayanythingtoherface,andtheSagoalonewhisperedtoherneighbourtheCycas:"Verywell,weshallseehowtheywillchopthatbigheadofyoursoff.Thatwillbringyoudownfromyourhighperch!"Theothers,thoughsilent,nonethelessresentedAttalea'sproudwords.TheonlyonewhodidnottakeoffenceatthePalm'sspeechwasatinygrassplant.Itwasthemeanestandmostdespisedofalltheplantsinthegreen-house-apale,sickly,crawlingthingwithlimpstubbylittleleaves.Itwasinnowayremarkable,anditsonlyuseinthegreenhousewasforcoveringupthebareearth.IttwineditselfroundthebaseofthebigPalm,andlistenedtoher,anditthoughtthatAttaleawasright.Althoughastrangertosouthernclimes,italsolovedthe

airandfreedom.Thegreenhousewasaprisontoittoo."IfI,aweakinsignificantlittleherb,suffersomuchwithoutmygreypatchofsky,mypallidsunandcoldrain,thenwhatmustthisbeautifulandmightytreesufferincaptivity!"itthought,asitsnuggleduptothePalmcaressingly."WhyamInotabigtree?Iwoulddoasyousay.Wewouldgrowtogether,andtogetherwewouldleavethisprison.ThentherestwouldseethatAttaleahadbeenright."Butitwasnotabigtree,itwasonlyaweaklittleherb.ItcouldonlynestleclosertoAttalea'strunk,whisperitslovetoher,andwishhergoodluckinherventure."Ofcourse,itisn'tsowarmhere,theskyisnotsobright,therainsarenotsoplentifulasinyourcountry,butwedohaveasky,andasun,andwinds.Wehavenoplantsasluxuriantasyouandyourcompanions,plantswithsuchimmense

leavesandgorgeousflowers,butwehaveverynicetreesgrowinginourcountrytoo:pines,andfirs,andbirches.Iambutatinyherbandwillneverreachfreedom,butyou-youaresogreatandstrong.Yourtrunkishard,andyouhavenotfartogrowtoreachtheglassroof.YouwillbreakthroughitintoGod'sbrightworld.Andthenyouwilltellmewhetheritisaslovelyasitusedtobe.Ishallbecontentwiththat.""Why,littlegrass,don'tyouwanttogooutwithmetogether?Mytrunkishardandstrong;leanuponit,creepupme.Icancarryyououtquiteeasily.""Ah,IwishIcould!ButlookwhatapoorlimpthingIam:Icannotevenliftasinglelimbofmine.No,Iamnocompanionforyou.Growandgoodlucktoyou.O



nlyonethingIaskyou:whenyougetout,rememberyourpoorlittlefriendsometimes!"ThenthePalmstartedtogrow.Visitorstothegreenhousehadalwaysbeensurprisedatitstremendousheight,butnowitgrewtallerandtallereverymonth.Thedirectorofthebotanicalgardenattributedthisrapidgrowthtotheexcellentcarethatwastakenofit,andhewasproudoftheskillandknowledgewithwhichhehadorganizedthegreenhouseandwasconductinghisbusiness."Yes,mydear,justlookatAttaleaprinceps,"hewouldsay."SuchtallspecimensarerarelymetwitheveninBrazil.Wedoeverythingtothebestofourabilitytomaketheseplantsgrowindoorsasfreelyastheywouldoutside,andIbelievethatwehaveachievedsomesuccessinthisdirection."Andwithacomplacentair,hewouldgivethehardtreeafewwhackswithhisstick.Theblowswouldresoundthroughthegreenhouse,theleavesofthePalmwouldquiverunderthem.Ah,ifthattreecouldvoiceitsfeelings,whatacryofwraththatdirectorwouldhaveheard!"HeimaginesthatIamgrowingforhispleasure,"thoughtAttalea."Lethimthinkit!"Andshewentongrowingupward,usingallherjuicesforthepurpose,anddeprivingherrootsandleavesofthem.Sometimesitseemedtoherasifthedistancebetweenherselfandtheroofwasnot"diminishing,andthenshewouldexertallherstrength.Theframescamenearerandnearer,andatlastayoungleaftouchedthecoldglassandtheironwork."Look,"saidtheplants,"lookhowhighshehasclimbed!Willshedaretodoit?"

"Shehasgrowntremendously,"saidtheTree-Fern."Pooh,that'snothing!NowifshecouldgrowthewayIdo,Icouldunderstand,"saidthefatCycas,whohadatrunklikeabarrel."What'sthesenseinstretchingupwardlikethat!Allthesame,shewillnotbeabletodoanything.Thebarsaretoostrong,theglasstoothick."Anothermonthwentby.Attaleawasstillgrowing.Atlastshewaspressingupagainsttheframes.Therewasnomoreroomforhertogrow.Thenhertrunkbegantobend.Theleafytopgotcrushed,thecoldbarsoftheframebitintothetenderyoungleaves,cutthroughthemandmutilatedthem,butthetreewasstubborn,itpressedagainstthebarsinspiteofeverything,andthebarsbegantogiveway,althoughtheyweremadeofstrongiron.Thelittlegrasswatchedthestrugglebreathlessly."Butdoesitnothurtyou?Iftheframesaresostronghadyounotbettergiveitup?"itsaidtothePalm.

"Hurtme?WhatispainwhenIwanttobefree.Didyounotencouragemeyourself?"answeredthePalm."Idid,butIdidnotknowitwouldbesohard.Ifeelsorryforyou.Youaresufferingso.""Silence,weakplant!Donotpityme!Ishalldieorbefree!"Atthatverymomenttherecamealoudsnap.Athickironbarhadbroken.Theshatteredglassraineddowninsplinters.Oneofthemstruckthedirector'shatashewascomingintothegreenhouse."Whatisthis?"heexclaimed,startingbackatthesightofthefallingsplinters.Heranoutandlookedupattheroof.ThegreencrownofthePalmhadstraighteneditselfoutandwastoweringproudlyabovetheglassdome."Isthisall?"shethought."IsthisallIlanguishedandsufferedforsomuch?Andtoattainthishadbeenmyfondestdream?"

ItwaslateautumnwhenAttaleastraightenedouthercrushedcrownthroughthehole.Itwasdrizzling,andthewindwasdrivingawrackofcloudsbeforeit.Itseemedtoherasiftheywerewrappingthemselvesroundher.Thetreeswerealreadybare,andlookedghostlikeandmacabre.Thepinesandfirsaloneworetheirdarkgreenfoliage.ThetreesstaredgloomilyatthePalm."Youwillfreezetodeath!"theyseemedtobesayingtoher."Youdonotknowwhatcoldis.Youarenotusedtoit.Whatmadeyoucomeoutofyourwarmhouse?"AnditdawnedonAttaleathatthiswastheend.Shebegantofreeze.Seektheshelteroftheroofagain?Shecouldnotdothatnow.Shewouldhavetostandthereinthecoldwind,exposedtoitsblastsandthesharptouchofthesnow-flakes



,lookingatthebleaksky,atstarvelingnature,atthedirtybackyardofthebotanicalgarden,atthehugedrearycityloomingthroughthemist,andwaitingforthemendowninthegreenhousetodecidewhattodowithher.Thedirectororderedthetreetobecutdown."Wecouldbuildaspecialcapoverher,"hesaid,"butforhowlong?Shewillgrowagainandsmasheverything.Besides,itwillcosttoomuch.Cutherdown."ThePalmwasfasteneddownwithsteelropes,sothatinfallingshewouldnotsmashthewallsofthegreenhouse,thenlowdown,neartheveryroots,shewassawnthrough.Thelittlegrassherbthatentwinedhertrunkrefusedtopartwithitsfriend,andwassawnthroughtoo.AfterthePalmhadbeendraggedoutofthegreenhouse,thesawnstumphadcrushedandlaceratedlittlestalksandleavesclingingtoit."Tearupthatrubbishandthrowitaway,"saidthedirector."Ithasgoneyellow,andbesides,thesawhasdamageditbadly.Weshallplantsomethingelsehere/'Oneofthegardeners,withadexterousstrokeofthespaderippedawayaheapofthegrass.Heflungitintoabasketcarrieditoutandthrewitawayinthebackyard,rightonthedeadpalm-tree,whichlayinthedirt,alreadyhalf-buriedinthesnow.

1879

THEREMINISCENCESOFPRIVATEIVANOV

I

IarrivedinKishinevonthefourthofMayeighteenhundredandseventy-seven,andwithinhalfanhourlearnedthatthe56thInfantryDivisionwaspassingthroughthetown.AsIhadcomewiththeintentionofjoiningsomeregimentandgoingtothewar,theseventhofMayalreadyfoundmestandinginthestreetatfouro'clockinthemorningamongthegreyrankslinedupoutsidethebilletofthecolonelofthe222ndStarobelskyInfantryRegiment.Ihadonagreatcoatwithredshoulder-strapsandbluetabs,andacapwithablueband;acrossmybackwasapack,atmybeltacartridgepouch,inmyhandaheavyrifle.

Thebandstruckup,andthecolourswerecarriedoutofthecolonel'slodgings.Acommandrangout;theregimentnoiselesslypresentedarms.Thenaterrificuproararose:thecolonelshoutedacommand,andthiswastakenupbythebattalionandcompanycommandersandtheplatoonNCO's.Theresultwasaconfusedandtomequiteunintelligiblemovementofgreatcoats,whichendedintheregimentstretchingoutinalongcolumnandswingingofftothesoundsoftheregimentalband,whichblaredoutagaymarch.Imarchedalong,too,tryingtokeepinstepwithmyneighbour.Thepackpulledbackwards,theheavypouchesforwards,theriflekeptslippingoffmyshoulder,andthecollarofthegreatcoatchafedmyneck;butdespitealltheselittlediscomforts,themusic,theorderlyheavymovementofthecolumn,thefreshearlymorningair,andthesightofthebristlingbayonetsandgrimsuntannedfacesattunedone'ssoultoacalmandsteadfastmood.Despitetheearlyhourpeoplestoodaboutincrowdsoutsidethehouses,andhalf

-dressedfigureslookedoutofthewindows.Wemarcheddownalongstraightstreet,pastthemarket-place,wheretheMoldaviansontheirox-waggonswerealreadybeginningtoarrive;thestreetclimbeduphillandranintothetowncemetery.Themorningwascold,bleak,anddrizzly,thetreesinthecemeteryloomedthroughamist;thetopsofthegravestonescouldbeseenpeepingfrombehindthegatesandthewall.Weskirtedthecemetery,whichweleftonourright.Itseemedtometobelookingatusperplexedlythroughthemist."Whymustyouthousandsgothousandsofmilestodieinforeignfieldswhenyoucandiehere,diepeacefullyandreposeyourbodiesundermywoodencrossesandstoneslabs?Stay!"Butwedidnotstay.Someunknownsecretforcedrewuson,aforcethanwhichth



ereisnostrongerinhumanlife.Eachoneseparatelywouldhavegonehome,buttheentiremasswentforward,actuatednotbyasenseofdiscipline,notbytherealizationofajustcause,notbyafeelingofhatredtowardsanunknownenemy,notbyfearofpunishment,butbythatmysteriousandunconsciousforcewhich,foralongtimetocomeyet,willleadhumanityontobloodyslaughter-thecardinalcauseofallhumanillsandsuffering.Beyondthecemeterytherelayabroaddeepvalley,whichlostitselfinthemist.Itwasrainingharder;hereandthere,farfaraway,thecloudspartedandgavepassagetothesunbeams;theslantingsheetsofrainthentookonasilverysparkle.Themistscreptupthegreenslopesofthevalley;throughthemonecoulddiscernthelongstrung-outcolumnoftroopsmarchingaheadofus.Nowandagainthebayonetsgleamed;thegun,comingintothesunshine,glowedbrieflylikeabrightstar,thenfaded.Sometimesthecloudsclosedinanditgrewdarker;theraincamedownfaster.AnhourafterwehadmarchedoutIfeltatrickleofwaterrunningdownmyback.Thefirstday'smarchwasnotalongone:fromKishinevtothevillageofGaureniwasonlyeighteenversts.ButunaccustomedasIwastocarryingaloadoftwentytotwenty-fivepounds,Icouldhardlysitdownatfirstwhenwereachedthecottagewehadbeenbilletedto;Ileanedagainstthewallwithmypackandstoodlikethatforabouttenminutesinfullkitwiththerifleinmyhand.Oneofthesoldierswhowenttothekitchenforhisdinnerhadpityonmeandtookmymess-tin,butwhenhecamebackhefoundmefastasleep.Iwokeupatfourinthemorning,rousedbythejarringbuglesoundingtheassembly,andwithinfiveminutesIwasmarchingagainalongamuddyclayeyroadunderadrizzlyrainthatsee

medtobepouringoutofafinesieve.Infrontofmemovedagreybackwithabrownleatherpackslungacrossit,arattlingmess-tinandarifleontheshoulder;oneithersideandbehindmemovedsimilargreyfigures.ThefirstfewdaysIcouldnotdistinguishonefromtheother.The222ndInfantryRegimenttowhichIhadbeenassignedconsistedforthemostpartofVyatkaandKostromapeasants.Allbroad-faced,stronginthecheeks,lividbrownfromthecold;greysmallisheyes,hairandbeardsofalightcolourlesshue.AlthoughIrememberedsomeoftheirnamesIdidnotknowwhomtheybelongedto.AfortnightlaterIcouldnotunderstandhowIcouldpossiblyhaveconfusedtwoofmyneighbours:theonewhomarchedatmyside,andtheotherwhomarchedatthesideoftheownerofthegreybackwhichIconstantlyhadinfrontofmyeyes.IcalledthemindiscriminatelyFyodorovandZhitkov,andconstantlymadeamistake,althoughtheydidnotintheleastresembleoneanother.

Fyodorov,acorporal,wasaslim,well-builtyoungmanofabouttwenty-two,ofmediumheightwithregularchiselledfeatures,beautifullymodellednose,lipsandchincoveredwithafaircurlylittlebeard,andwithmerryblueeyes.Whentheofficersshouted"singerstothefore!"heledourcompanyinthechorus,singinginapowerfultenor,whichrosetothehighestoffalsettosonthewords:

TheTsartotheSenateiscalled!

HewasanativeoftheVladimirgubernia,andhadbeenbroughttoSt.Petersburgasachild.Asrarelyhappens,hiscity"acquirements"hadnotspoiledhim,butmerelygivenhimapolish,teachinghim,amongotherthings,toreadthenewspapersanduseallkindsofcleverwords."Ofcourse,Mr.Ivanov,"hesaidtome,"Icanhaveabetterjudgementofthings

thanUncleZhitkov,becauseSt.Petersburghashaditsinfluenceonme.InSt.Petersburgyouhavecivilization,butintheirvillageit'sjustignoranceandbarbarism.Butseeingthatheisanelderlypersonwho,youmightsay,hasbeenthroughthemillandexperiencedmanyofthevicissitudesoffortune,Icannotverywellshoutathim.Heisforty,andIamtwenty-three,eventhoughIamthecompany'scorporal."UncleZhitkovwasathicksetgloomy-lookingmuzhikofextraordinaryphysicalstrength.Hehadadarkfacewithhighcheekbonesandsmallscowlingeyes.Heneversmiledandseldomspoke.Hewasacarpenterbytrade,andhadbeenonunlimitedleavewhenourarmywasmobilized.Hehadhadonlyafewmoremonthstogotor



eceivehishonourabledischarge,butthewarbrokeout,andZhitkovwenttofight,leavingathomeawifeandfivesmallchildren.Despitehisforbiddingaspectandperpetualairofgloom,therewassomethinglikeableabouthim,somethingkindandstrong.ItastonishesmenowhowIcouldhaveconfusedthosetwomen,butduringthefirstfewdaystheybothlookedaliketome:bothgrey,loadedup,tired,andchilledtothemarrow.ItrainedsteadilythroughoutthefirsthalfofMay,andwemarchedwithouttents.Theendlessclayeyroadclimbeduphillanddippedintoagullyalmostateverymile.Thegoingwasveryheavy.Clodsofearthstucktoourfeet,thegreyskyhunglow,andthedrizzlingrainpoureddownuponus.Therewasnoendtoit,nohopeofbeingabletodryandwarmourselveswhenwebivouackedforthenight:theRumaniansdidnotletusintotheirhouses,andinanycasetheycouldnotaccommodatesuchamassofmen.Wepassedthroughthetownorvillageandhaltedsomewhereonacommon."Halt!Pilearms!"Andaftersomehotsoup,welaydownrightinthemud.Whatwiththewateraboveusandthewaterunderus,ourverybodiesseemedtobesoakedinit.Shivering,youwrapyourselfupinyourgreatcoat,graduallyfeelingthedampwarmthcreepingthroughyourbody,andyoufallfastasleepuntiltheaccursedassemblycall.Thenoncemorethegreycolumn,thegreysky,themuddyroadandthedismalwethillsandvalleys.Themenhadahardtimeofit."Thisrainwillneverstop,"ourhalf-platoonNCOKarpov,anoldsoldierwhohadbeenthroughtheKhivacampaign,saidwithasigh."Wearedrenchedtotheskinasitis.""We'lldryup.Thesunwillcomeoutanddryusall.We'vegotalongmarchahea

dofus:we'lldryandgetwetagainmanyatimebeforewegetthere,"onemansaid,thenturningtome,added:"IstheDanubealongwayoff,Mr.Ivanov?""Aboutthreemoreweeksofit.""Threeweeks!Withtwoweekswe'vebeengoing....""Goingtothedevil,"Zhitkovgrowled."Whatareyougrumblingthere,youolddevil?Noneofyourscaremongering,now!Whatdoyoumean,goingtothedevil?Whydoyousaysuchthings?""We'renotgoingonapicnic,arewe?"Zhitkovsnappedback."Noonesaysit'sapicnic,butwe'vegottokeeptheoathwetook!Didn'tyouswear'Tosparenorlifenorlimb'?Eh?Youoldfool!"saidKarpov."WhatdidIsay?AmInotgoing!Ifwehavetodie,we'lldie,that'sall.""You'dbetter!Don'tletmehaveanymoreofyourlip!"Zhitkovsaidnothing;hisfacelookedgloomierthanever.Besides,noonefeltl

iketalking:thegoingwassodifficult.Itwasslipperyandmenoftenfellinthestickymud.Somehardswearingcouldbeheardinthebattalion.Fyodorovwastheonlyonewhokepthisspiritsup,andhetoldmestoryafterstoryaboutSt.Petersburgandthevillagewithouteverseemingtotire.Butthereisanendtoeverything.Wakinguponemorningatourbivouacoutsideavillagewhereaday'sresthadbeencalled,Isawtheblueskyandthewhiteclayhutsandvineyardsfloodedwithbrilliantearlymorningsunshine,andheardcheerfullivelyvoices.Everyonehadgotup,driedandrested,afteraweekandahalf'sheavymarchingundertherainwithouttents.Duringourhaltthetentsarrivedtoo.Thesoldiersbegantopitchthematonce,andwhenthiswasdone,withthepegsdriveninandthecanvasdrawn,almosteveryonelaydownintheirshade."Iftheydidn'thelpintherain,they'llprotectusfromthesun."

"Yes,wecan'thavethegentlemanspoilinghiscomplexion,"Fyodorovsaidjestingly,winkinginmydirection.

II

Therewereonlytwoofficersinourcompany:CaptainZaikin,thecompanycommander,andsubalternStebelkov.Ourcompanycommanderwasaplump,good-natured,middle-agedman,Stebelkovayouth,freshfromthemilitarytrainingschool.Theygotonwelltogether;thecaptaintookthesubalternunderhiswing,andsharedhisfoodwithhim,and,duringtherainyweather,evenhisonlyraincoat.Whent



hetentsweredistributed,ourofficerssharedthesametent,andsincetheofficers'tentswereroomy,thecaptaindecidedtotakemeintoo.Tiredoutafterasleeplessnight(ourcompanyhadbeentoldofffortransportdutythedaybeforeandhadspentthewholenighthaulingthebaggagetrainoutoftherutsandevendraggingitoutofanoverflowinglittleriverbyaidofthe"Dubinushka"-aRussianwork-song),Ihadfallenfastasleepafterdinner.Iwasawakenedbythecompanycommander'sservantwhogentlytouchedmyshoulder."Mr.Ivanov!Mr.Ivanov!"hewhispered,asthoughloathtowakeme,but,onthecontrary,tryinghisbestnottodisturbmysleep."Whatdoyouwant?""Thecompanycommandersentmeforyou,"hesaid,andseeingthatIwasputtingonmybeltwiththebayonet,added:"HesaidIwastofetchyoujustasyouwere."TherewasquiteagatheringinZaikin'stent.Inadditiontothehosts,thereweretwomoreofficers:theregimentaladjutantandthecommanderoftheriflecompanyWenzel.In1877abattalionconsistednotoffourcompanies,asnow,butoffive;onthemarchtheriflecompanybroughtuptherear,sothattheirfrontrankstrodontheheelsofourrearones.IhadoftenbeenclosetotheriflemenandheardfromthemtheworstreportsaboutJuniorCaptainWenzel.Allfoursatdrinkingteaaroundapackingcasethatservedasatableandhadasamovar,teathingsandabottleonit."Oh,Mr.Ivanov!Comein,comein!"thecaptainshouted."Nikita!Acup,amug,aglass-whateveryouhavethere!Moveover,Wenzel;lethimsitdown."Wenzelgotupandbowedverypolitely.Hewasashortleanyoungmanwithapale

nervousface."Whatrestlesseyeshehasandwhatthinlips!"Ithoughtatthetime.Theadjutantprofferedhishandwithoutgettingup."Lukin,"heintroducedhimselfbriefly.Ifeltawkward.Theofficersweresilent;Wenzelsippedhisteawithrum;theadjutantpuffedatashortpipe;subalternStebelkovnoddedtomeandwentonreadingadog-earedtranslationofsomeforeignnovel,whichmadethejourneyinhissuitcasefromRussiatotheDanubeandsubsequentlybacktoRussiamoredog-earedthanever.Thehostpouredoutalargeearthenwaremugofteaandaddedahugedoseofrum."Hereyouare,Mr.Student!Don'tmindme;I'masimpleman.Asamatteroffactwe'reallsimplemenhere.Beinganeducatedmanyourself,youmustexcuseus.Isn'tthatso?"

Sayingwhichheclaspedmyhandwithadownwardsweepofhisownhugeone,likeabirdpouncingonitsprey,andpumpeditseveraltimes,whilehegazedatmeaffectionatelywithhisround,bulginglittleeyes."Youareastudent?"saidWenzel."Aformerstudent,sir."Hesmiledandlookedupatmewiththatrestlessgazeofhis.Irecalledwhatthesoldiershadsaidabouthim,butatthatmomentIdoubtedthetruthofit."Thereisnoneedforthe'sir.'Hereinthistentyouareoneofus.Hereyouarejustanintellectualamongsimilarintellectuals,"hesaidquietly."Intellectualisright!"shoutedZaikin."Astudent!Ilovestudents,althoughtheyarerebels.Iwouldhavebeenastudentmyselfbutforatwistoffate.""Whattwistoffatewasthat,Zaikin?"theadjutantasked."Ijustcouldn'tcramup.AsregardsmathematicsI'dpassmusteratapinch,but

asfortherest,itjustwouldn'twork.Literature,youknow....Spelling....Ididn'tevenlearntowriteproperlyinthemilitaryschool.Uponmyword!""That'safact,Mr.Student,"theadjutantsaidbetweentwohugepuffsofsmoke."Thecaptainmanagestomakesixspellingmistakesinawordoffiveletters."Heburstoutlaughing."Now,now,auntie,don'ttellanylies!"Zaikinprotested."Callshimselfanadjutant,too-why,hecan'tspellhisownname,thedunce!"Theadjutantlaughedstilllouder;subalternStebelkov,whohadbeensippinghistea,splutteredoverhisnovelandblewoutoneofthetwocandlesthatlitupthetent;Icouldnoth



elplaughing,too.CaptainZaikinenjoyedhisownjoketremendously,ashisboisterousboominglaughindicated.Wenzelalonedidnotlaugh."Soitwasliterature.Captain?"hesaidinthesamequietvoice."Yes,literature.Andalltherestofit,ofcourse.Youknow,likethatchapwhogotthroughhisgeographyasfarasEquator,andhishistoryasfarasEra.Butthat'snonsense,ofcourse.That'snotthepoint.Ijusthadmontytoburnandwentthepace.Iwasarip,youknow,eversinceIwasaboy.ThetricksIwasupto!Youknowhowthesonggoes:'Theladhadhisflingwhilethemoneylasted,andwhenthatwasgonehislifewasblasted.'Ijoinedthisarmyregimentasacadet;theysentmetoamilitaryschool,whichIjustmanagedtofinishbytheskinofmyteeth,andnowI'vebeenpeggingawayatithereforovertenyears.Nowwe'regoingfortheTurks.Let'sdrinkitneat,gentlemen.Whyspoilitwithtea?Gentlemen'cannon-fodder,'Igiveyouthetoast.""Chairacanon,"Wenzelmurmured."Haveityourway,theFrenchway.Ourcaptain'sasmartchap,Ivanov:heknowslanguagesandspoutsGermanpoetrybyheart.Lookhere,youngman!I'vecalledyouheretoofferyoutomoveovertomytent.Itmustbecrowdedandnastytherewiththesoldiers,sixofyouinatent.Insects.You'llfinditbetterhere.""Thankyou,butImustrefuse.""Why?Nonsense!Nikita!Lughispackoverhere!Whichisyourtent,thesecond?""Secondontheright.Ifyoudon'tmind,though,I'dprefertostaythere.Ihavetobewiththesoldiersmostofthetime.I'dratherstaytherealtogether."Thecaptainregardedmeclosely,asiftryingtoreadmymind.Afteramoment'sthought,hesaid:

"Youwanttobefriendswiththem?""Yes,ifthatispossible.""Youareright.Staythere.Youhavemyrespect."Heseizedmyhandinhisgreatpawandbeganpumpingitvigorously.

ShortlyafterwardsItookmyleaveoftheofficersandlefttheirtent.Nightwasfalling;themenhadputontheirgreatcoatsinpreparationfortheeveningroll-call.Thecompanieslinedupsothateachbattalionformedaclosedsquarewiththetentsandpiledarmsinsideit.Onaccountoftheday'shaltthewholedivisionhadassembled.Thedrumsbeattheretreat,andfromsomewherefarawaysoundedthewordsofcommandforprayers.Twelvethousandmenbaredtheirheads."OurFatherwhichartinheaven,"ourcompanybegan.Thecompanynexttousbeganchantingtoo.Sixtychoirsoftwohundredmeneachbegansingingeachonitsown.Despitethediscord,theprayersound

edmovingandsolemn.Graduallythechoirsdieddown;atlast,faraway,inabattalionstandingattheendofthecamp,thelastcompanysang:"Forthineisthekingdom...."Thedrumsbeatatattoo."Turnin!"Thesoldierswenttobed.Inourtent,where,asinalltheothers,sixmenwereaccommodatedonforty-twosquarefeetofspace,myplacewasattheedge.Ilayforalongtimegazingatthestars,andthedistantcamp-fires,andlisteningtothefainthumofthemultitudinouscamp.Inthetentnexttoourssomeonewastellingafairytale,endlesslyrepeatingthewords"sothen.""Sothenupcomestheprinceandbeginstotellhiswifeoff.Sothen....Areyousleeping,Lyutikov?Allright,sleep,Godblessyou.OHeavenlyFather..."thestorytellerwhisperedandfellsilent.Fromtheofficers'tent,too,cameamurmurofconversation.Thehugedistorted

shadowsoftheofficerssittinginthetentmovedacrossthecanvas,whichwaslitupfromwithin.Onceinawhiletherecameaburstoflaughter:thatwastheadjutantguffawing.Asentrywithariflewalkedupanddown;attheartillery'sbivouacalittlewayoffstoodanothersentrywithdrawnsword.Fromthehorselineseverynowandthencamethestampofhoofsandthesnortofhorses,whocouldbeheardpeacefullychewingtheiroatswiththesamekindlymunchingsoundwhichIhadoftenheardathomeatsomewaysideinnonasimilarlyquietstarrynight.ThesevenstarsoftheGreatBearshonelowoverthehorizon,muchlowerthanathome.LookingattheNorthStar,Ithoughtthatthere,inthatverydirection,laySt.Petersburg,whereIhadleftmymother,myfriends,allthatwasd



eartome.Familiarconstellationsshoneoverhead;theMilkyWaywasnotjustablurredglimmer,butshonewithabrightsolemnlyplacidstreakoflight.Inthesouthtwolargestarsofsomeunfamiliarconstellationnotvisibletousathomeglowedwitharedandgreenishlight.Thethoughtstruckme:"WhenwegofartherbeyondtheDanube,beyondtheBalkans,toConstantinople,willIseeothernewstars?Whatstarsarethey?"Iwasn'tsleepy;Igotupandwanderedaboutoverthedampgrassbetweenourbattalionandtheartillery.Adarkfiguredrewlevelwithme;Iguessedbytheclankofhissabrethatitwasanofficer,andIstoodatattention.Theofficercameuptome.ItwasWenzel."Youcan'tsleep,Ivanov?"heaskedinhissoftquietvoice."No,sir.""MynameisWenzel....Ican'tsleepeither.IsatwithyourcommanderuntilIgotfedup:theystartedplayingcards,andthey'realldrunk.Ah,whatanight!"Hewalkedatmyside;onreachingtheendofthelineweturnedbackandwalkedupanddownforawhilesayingnothing.Wenzelbrokethesilence."Tellme,didyoujoinupofyourownfreewill?""Yes.""Whatmadeyoudoit?""WhatshallIsay?"Ianswered,notwishingtogointodetails."Mostofall,ofcourse,itwasadesiretoseeandexperiencethings.""Andprobablytostudythepeopleinthepersonofitsrepresentative-thesoldier?"saidWenzel.

ItwasdarkandIcouldnotseetheexpressionofhisface,butIcaughttheironyinhisvoice."Study,no!Whocanthinkofstudywhenyouronlythoughtistoholdouttillthenexthaltandgotosleep!""Jokingaside,though.Tellmewhydidn'tyoumoveovertoyourcommander'stent?Doyoumeantosayyouvaluetheopinionsofthesepeasants?""Ofcourse,IvaluetheopinionofeveryonewhomIhavenoreasontoholdindisrespect.""Ihavenoreasontodisbelieveyou.Yes,ithasbecomethelatestfashionthesedays.Evenliteratureelevatesthemuzhikandmakesasortofpearlofcreationoutofhim.""Whospeaksaboutapearlofcreation,Wenzel!Goodenoughifheweresimplyrecognizedasahumanbeing."

"Getonwithyou,usingsuchpitifulwords!Whodoesn'trecognizehim?Ahumanbeing?-verywell,lethimbeahumanbeing;whatkindofhumanbeing-isanotherquestion.Letustalkaboutsomethingelse."Wedroppedintoconversation.Wenzel,apparently,hadreadagooddeal,and,asZaikinhadsaid,knewforeignlanguages.Thecaptain'sremarkabouthim"spoutingpoetry"alsoturnedouttobecorrect:whenwebeganspeakingabouttheFrench,Wenzel,afterrailingatthenaturalists,passedontothefortiesandthethirtiesandevenrecitedAlfreddeMussel'sNuitdedecembrewithgreatfeeling.Hereciteditwell:simplyandexpressively,withagoodFrenchpronunciation.Hepausedwhenhehadfinished,thenadded:"Yes,it'sgood;butalltheFrenchtogetherarenotworthadozenlinesofSchiller,GoetheorShakespeare."Hehadbeeninchargeoftheregimentallibrarybeforetakingovercommandofth

ecompany,andcloselyfollowedRussianliteraturetoo.Inspeakingofit,heseverelycondemnedwhathecalledthe"boorishtrend."Theremarkbroughttheconversationbacktotheformersubject.Wenzelarguedheatedly."When,almostaboy,Ijoinedtheregiment,IdidnotthinkthewayIamtalkingtoyounow.Itriedtoactbymeansofthespokenword,triedtogainmoralinfluence.Butafterayearofit,theyworemeout.Allthatremainedoftheso-calledgoodbooksoncontactwithrealityprovedtobesentimentalnonsense.AndnowIthinkthattheonlywayofmakingyourselfunderstoodisthis!"Hemadeagesture,butitwassodarkthatIcouldnotmakeitout."Whatisthat,Wenzel?"



"Thefist!"hesnapped."Goodnight,it'stimetogotobed."Isalutedandwenttomytent.Ifeltbothpainedanddisgusted.InthetentIfoundeveryoneasleep,butaminuteortwoafterIhadlaindownFyodorov,whowassleepingnexttome,saidquietly:"Areyousleeping,Ivanov?""No.""WalkingwithWenzel?""Yes.""How'shewithyou?Good-tempered?""Wellyes,ratherfriendly,Ishouldsay.""Thatjustshowsyou!Onegentlemantoanother.Notthewayhetreatsus.""Why,doesheshowhistemper?""Somethingawful!Themen'sjawsinthesecondriflecompanytakenastycracks.He'sabrute!"Sayingwhich,heimmediatelyfellasleep,andallthatIheardinresponsetomynextquestionwashiscalmsteadybreathing.Iwrappedmygreatcoataboutme;mythoughtswandered,thendisappearedinasoundsleep.

Ill

Therainswerefollowedbyhotweather.Roundaboutthattimewestruckoffthecountrytrack,whereourfeetstuckinthemire,andemergedontothehighroadleadingfromJassytoBucharest.ThefirstlegoftheroadmarchfromTecucitoBerladwillremainforeverinthememoriesofthosewhomadeit.Itwasninety-

fivedegreesintheshade;themarchwasforty-eightversts.Theairwasstill;afinelimestonedust,raisedbythousandsoffeet,hungovertheroad;itgotintoyournoseandmouth,powderedyourhairanddisguiseditscolour;minglingwithsweatitcoveredallfaceswithdirtandmademenlooklikeNegroes.Forsomereasonwemarchednotinourshirts,butinuniforms.Thesunheatedtheblackclothandbeatdownmercilesslyonyourheadthroughtheblackcap;youcouldfeelthescorchingroadmetalthroughthesolesofyourboots.Asluckwouldhaveit,thewellswerefewandfarbetween,andmostofthemhadsolittlewaterinthemthattheheadofourcolumn(thewholedivisionwasonthemarch)exhaustedit,andallthatwehadafteraterriblecrushroundthewells,wasathickclayeyfluidmorelikemudthanwater.Whentherewasnotenoughofit,mendroppedintheirtracks.Nearlyninetymendroppedintheroadthatdayinourbattalionalone.Threediedfromsunstroke.

Iborethetorturefairlywellincomparisonwithothers.Itmayhavebeenbecauseourregimentwasrecruitedmostlyfromnortherners,whereasIhadbeenusedtotheheatofthesteppeseversinceachild;orsomeothercausemayhavebeenatworkhere.Ihadnoticedthatthecommonsoldiersareapttofeelphysicalsufferingmorekeenlythansoldiersfromtheso-calledprivilegedclasses(Iamspeakingonlyofthosewhowenttowaroftheirownfreewill).Forthem,thecommonsoldiers,physicaldistresswasarealcalamity,capableofmakingmenacutelymiserable.Butthosemenwhohadenlistedvoluntarily,althoughsufferingphysicallyworsethanthecommonsoldier,owingtotheirmoredelicatebreeding,theircomparativelyweakerphysique,andsoon,enjoyedgreatermentalserenity.Theirequanimitycouldnotbedisturbedbywaywornbleedingfeet,theinsufferableheat,anddeadlyfatigue.NeverhadIenjoyedsuchmentalcalm,neverhadIbeenatsuchpeacewithmyselfandtheworldatlargeaswhenIexperiencedtheseh

ardshipsandwentouttokillmenunderflyingbullets.Thismaysoundqueerandcrazy,butIamwritingonlythetruth.Howeverthatmaybe,whenothersweredroppingintheroadwayIwasincalmpossessionofmysenses.InTecuciIhadprovidedmyselfwithahugegourdholdingatleastfourbottles.Ihadfilleditmorethanonceduringthemarch;halfofthatwaterIpouredintomyself,therestIsharedamongmyneighbours.Amanwouldstruggleon,butintheendsuccumbtotheheat:hislegswouldbegintobendatthekneesandhewouldstaggerlikeadrunkenman;throughthelayerofdirtanddustyoucouldseehisfacegoinglivid,andhishandconvulsivelygrippingtherifle.Amouthfulortwoofwaterreviveshimforseveralminutes,butint



heendhedropssenselessontheharddustyroad."Orderly!"hoarsevoicesshout.Thedutyoftheorderlyistodragthefallenmantotheroadsideandrenderhimassistance;buttheorderlyhimselfisinthesameplight.Theditchesonbothsidesoftheroadarestrewnwithsprawlingbodies.FyodorovandZhitkovwalkednexttome,andalthoughtheywereobviouslysufferingtheyboreupinmanlyfashion.Theheataffectedtheminacuriousway,reversedtotheirnatures:Fyodorovwassilentandonlysighedpainfullyeverynowandthen,hisfineeyes,nowinflamedbythedust,glancingpiteouslya!:UncleZhitkov,whowasswearingandphilosophizing."Lookat'emdropping!Carefulwiththatbayonet,damnyou!"heshoutedangrily,steppingasidetoavoidthebayonetofafallingsoldier,thepointofwhichnearlygotintohiseye."GodAlmighty!WhathavewedonetorouseThywrath?Ifitwasn'tforthatbruteIthinkI'ddropmyself.""Whatbruteisthat?"Iasked."CaptainNemtsev.He'sondutytoday;marchingbehindus.Betterkeepgoingunlessyouwanthimtomanhandleyou.You'llbeallbruisesbythetimehe'sfinishedwithyou."IhadknownthatthesoldiershadchangedWenzel'snameto"Nemtsev."Itsoundedsimilar,andRussiantoo.(Nemtsev-aRussianwordmeaning"German."-Trans.)Ilefttheranks.Atthesideoftheroadthegoingwaseasier:therewaslessdustandjostling.Manymenwerewalkingattheroadsides:noonethoughtaboutkeepingpropermarchingorderthatwretchedday.Igraduallydroppedbehindmycompanyandfoundmyselfattherearofthecolumn.Wenzel,utterlyexhausted,caughtupwithme,pantingbutexcited."Howdoyoulikeit?"hesaidinahoarsevoice."Letuswalkattheside.Iam

completelyfaggedout.""Doyouwantsomewater?"Hetookseverallargegulpsoutofmygourd."Thanks,Ifeelbetter.Whataday!"Wewalkedalongtogetherforawhileinsilence."Bytheway,"hesaid,"youdidn'tmoveovertoZaikin'safterall?""No.""That'ssilly.Excusemeforbeingblunt.Good-bye;Imustgetbacktothetailofthecolumn.Toomanyofthesedelicatecreaturesaredropping."AfteradvancingseveralstepsIturnedmyheadandsawWenzelbendingoverafallensoldierandpullinghimbytheshoulder."Getup,youcanaille!Getup!"Ididnotrecognizemyculturedinterlocutor.Coarseoathspouredfromhismouth

.Thesoldierwasbarelyconscious,butheopenedhiseyesandlookedattheenragedofficerwithablankhopelessexpression.Hislipswerewhisperingsomething."Getup!Getupthisminute!What!Youwon't?Thentakethat,takethat,takethat!"Wenzelseizedhissabrescabbardandrainedblowswithitontheunfortunateman'swearyweightedback.Icouldnotstanditandwentuptohim."Wenzel!""Getup!"Thehandwiththesabrewasliftedforanotherblow,butIgrippeditbeforeitcouldcomedown."ForGod'ssake,Wenzel,leavethemanbe!"Heturnedtomeaninfuriatedface.Witheyesblazingandmouthtwistedconvulsively,helookedterrible.Hewrenchedhisarmfreewithafiercemovement.Itho

ughtthatmyeffronterywouldbringastormofangerdownuponmyhead(seizinganofficerbythehandwassheerinsolence),buthekepthistemper."Lookhere,Ivanov,neverdothatagain!Ifsomerudeupstarthadbeeninmyplace,someonelikeShchurovorTimofeyev,youwouldhavepaiddearforthatjokeofyours.Youmustn'tforgetthatyouareaprivateandareliabletobesummarilyshotforthingslikethat.""Idon'tcare.Icouldn'tlookonwithouttakingtheman'spart.""Thatdoesyoucredit.Butyourtenderfeelingsaremisplaced.Howelsecanyoutreatthese...."(Hisfaceexpressedcontempt,naymore-somethingakintohatred.)



"Ofallthesedozenswhohavedroppedlikeoldwomenthereareprobablyonlyafewwhoarereallyexhaustedbytheheat.Iamnotdoingitoutofcruelty-itisn'tinme.You'vegottomaintaindiscipline.IftheycouldbetalkedtoIwouldhavetriedpersuasion.Butthewordmeansnothingtothem.Theonlythingtheyfeelisphysicalpain."Ididnotstaytohearanymore,andhastenedofftocatchupwithmycompany.IovertookFyodorovandZhitkovwhenourbattalionhadbeenturnedofftheroadintoafieldandcommandedtohalt."WhatwereyoutalkingwithCaptainWenzelabout?"askedFyodorov,asIdroppedbesidehimutterlyexhaustedbeforeIhadbarelypiledmyrifle."Talking!"Zhitkovgrowled."Doyoucallthattalking?Hecaughtholdofhishand.Takemyadvice,sir,youbecarefulwithNemtsev.Thefactthathelikestotalktoyoudoesn'tmeananything.He'llbetheruinofyou!"

IV

LatethateveningwereachedFokshani,passedthroughthedarksilentanddustylittletownandcameintoafield.Thebattalionsbivouackedinthepitchdark,andtheworn-outmenfellasleepatonce;hardlyanyoneatethe"dinner"whichhadbeenpreparedforthem.Thesoldier'smealisalways"dinner,"nomatterwhetherithappensearlyinthemorning,inthedaytimeoratnight.Thereststraggledinallthroughthenight.Atdawnwemarchedoutagain,comfortingourselveswiththethoughtthatafterthenextmarchaday'shaltwouldbecalled.Oncemorethemovingranks;oncemoretheleadenweightofthepackonbenumbed

shoulders,theacheofstiffblisteredfeet.Forthefirsttenverstsyouarescarcelyawake.Thebriefsleephasnotremovedthefatigueofthepreviousday,andthemenwalkalongalmostsleeping.Ihavehadthathappentomeseveraltimes,somuchsothatwhenwehaltedforarestIcouldnotbelievethatwehaddonetenversts,andIdidnotrememberasinglespotofthewaywehadtravelled.Itisonlywhenthehaltorderisgivenandthecolumndrawsupandreformsfortheoccasiondoyouwakeupandthinkwithpleasureofthefullhour'srestinwhichyoucandisburden,boilyourselfsomewaterinyourmess-tinandlieatease,drinkinghottea.Assoonastheriflesarepiledandthekitsthrownoff,mostofthemenstartcollectingfuel-usuallythedrystalksoflastyear'smaize.Twobayonetsarestuckintothegroundandaramrodlaidacrossthem,fromwhichtwoorthreemess-tinsaresuspended.Thedrycrumblystalksburnwithabrightmerryflame;thefireisalwaysbuiltonthewindwardside;theflameslickth

esmokytins,andwithintenminutesthewaterinthemisboilingmerrily.Theteaisthrownstraightintothetinandboiledtoastrongalmostblackbrew,whichisdrunkforthemostpartwithoutsugar,astheauthorities,whileissuingalotoftea(themensometimessmokeditwhentobaccowasshort),issuedverylittlesugar,andteawasdrunkinvastamounts.Themess-tin,containingsevenglasses,wastheusualportionforoneman.ItmayseemstrangethatIenlargeonallthesetrivialdetails.Butasoldier'slifeonthemarchissohard,sofullofprivationsandsuffering,andwithsolittlehopeforahappyissueinprospect,thatevenasmallthingliketeaorothersimilarlittleluxurywasagreatjoytohim.Oneshouldhaveseenthegravepleasedfacesofthosegrim,rough,weather-beatensoldiers,youngandold-true,therewasnooneamongusoverforty-astheyfedthefireunderthetinswithbitsofsticksandstalks,likechildren,tendingitcarefully,andadvisingon

eanother:"Shoveitinhere,ontheedge,Lyutikov!That'sright.That'sdonethetrick.We'llsoonhaveitboiling."Tea,andoccasionally-incoldandrainyweather-aglassofvodkaandapipeoftobacco-thatwasthesoldier'ssoledelight,notcounting,ofcourse,all-healingsleep,whichbringsforgetfulnessofphysicaldistressandofthoughtsofthedarkanddismalfuture.Tobaccoplayednosmallpartamongtheseblessingsoflife,stimulatingandsustainingasitdidthemen'soverwroughtnerves.Thehard-packedpipemadetheroundofadozenmenandreturnedtoitsowner,whotookalastpuffatitbeforeknockingoutthedottleandsolemnlyputtingthepipeaway



inthetopofhisboot.IrememberhowupsetIwasathavingmypipelostbyacomradetowhomIhadgivenittohaveasmoke,andhowupsetandashamedhewashimself.Anyonewouldthinkhehadlostafortunethathadbeenentrustedtohim.Atonenoondayhaltwerestedaboutanhourandahalfortwohours.Afterdrinkingteaeveryoneusuallytookanap.Allwasstillatthebivouac,saveforthesentrywhopacedupanddownnearthestandard,andsomeoftheofficers,whohadnotgonetosleep.Youlieonthegroundwiththekitunderyourheadinastatebetweensleepandwakefulness;thehotsunbeatsdownonyourfaceandneck,thepesteringfliescrawloveryouanddonotletyoufallasleep.Dreamsminglewithreality;notsolongagoyouhadbeenlivingalifesoutterlyunlikethisone,thatitseemstoyou,inthissemi-consciousstateofdrowsiness,asifyouwillawakeatanymomenttofindyourselfathomeamidfamiliarsurroundings,whilethissteppe,thisbareearthwithpricklesinsteadofgrass,thismercilesssunanddrywind,thisthousandofmenoddlycladinwhitedust-coveredshirts,andtheseriflesstandinginpiles,willalldisappear.Itisalllikeaqueerdistressingdream...."Reveille!"ringsouttheharshdrawn-outcommandissuedbyMajorChernoglazov,ourbeardedlittlebattalioncommander.Theprostratecrowdofwhiteshirtsbeginstostir;gruntingandstretching,themengetup,putontheircartridgepouchesandkitsandfallintoline."Toarms!"Wetakeourriflesfromthestack.IstillremembermyrifleNo.18635withabutt-stockslightlydarkerthantheothersandwithalongscratchrunningdownth

edarkvarnish.Anothercommand-andthebattalion,stringingout,turnsoffontotheroad.Thecommander'sbayhorseBarbarianisledbythebridleattheheadofthecolumn;prancing,hisneckarched,hepawstheground;themajormountshimonlyonrareoccasions,andisconstantlytobefoundmarchingattheheadofthebattalionbehindBarbarianwiththesteadystrideofthetrueinfantryman.Heisshowingthementhattheirofficersare"doingtheirbit"too,andthemenlikehimforit.Heisalwayscoolandunruffled,neverjokesorsmiles;heisthefirsttogetupinthemorningandthelasttoturninintheevening;hetreatsthemenfirmlyandwithoutfamiliarity,andneveruseshisfistsorshoutswithoutreason.Theysaythatifnotforthemajor,Wenzelwouldhavedonestillworsethings.Itishottoday,butnotsohotasyesterday.Besides,wearemarchingnotonthehighroadbutalonganarrowcountrytrackalongsidetherailway,sothatmost

ofusarewalkingonthegrass.Thereisnodust;theskycloudsoverandheavyraindropscomedowninfitfulspatters.Welookupattheskyandholdourhandsouttoseewhetheritisraining.Evenyesterday'sstragglershavecheeredup;wehaven'tfartogo,onlyabouttenverstsorso,andthenrest,thelonged-forrest,notforthedurationofonebriefnight,butforanight,awholedayandanothernight.Theheartenedmenaremovedtosing;Fyodorov,amongtheleaders,issingingawayforallheisworth;onecanhearthefamoussong:

ItwasatthebattleofPoltava....

Afterreachingthelineaboutthetreacherousbulletthatpiercedtheroyalhat,heswitchesovertoasenselessribaldsong,verypopularamongthesoldiers,concerningacertainLiza,whowenttothewoodsandfoundablackbeetle,andwh

atcameofit.ThisisfollowedbyanotherhistoricalsongaboutTsarPeterbeingcalledbeforetheSenate.Thecrowningstrokeisthehome-madesongofourregiment:

WhentheTsarcomesonhissteed,'tisasplendidsightindeed.Allthesoldiersstandinrows,spickandspanfromcaptotoes.AndourrifleexercisegivestheTsaranicesurprise.Thebattalioncommanderwithavoiceasloudas



thunderNeversleptnoratehisfillbutmadeusdrillanddrillanddrill.Onhishorsehesatallday,prouderthanapopinjay.

Andfiftymorecoupletsinthesamevein."Fyodorov,"Ionceaskedhim,"whydoyousingthatdrivelaboutLiza?"Inamedseveralmoresongs,ridiculousandcynicaltosuchadegreethattheirverycynicismwasrenderedmeaninglessandtooktheshapeofabsolutelysenselesssounds."Oh,it'sjustahabit,sir.That'snotsinging.It'sjustsortofyellingforchestexercise.Andithelpsyoutostepoutlivelier."Whenthesingersgrowtired,themusiciansstrikeup.Itismucheasiertowalktotherhythmictuneofaloudandforthemostpartrollickingmarch;everyone,nomatterhowtired,braceshimselfandstepsoutwithaswaggeringair,keepinginstepwiththeothers;thebattalionishardlyrecognizable.Irememberoncemarchingtothemusicandcoveringoversixverstsinanhourwithoutfeelingtired;butwhentheexhaustedmusiciansstoppedplayingandthestimulationofthemusichaddisappeared,IfeltasifIwoulddropatanymoment,andwouldprobablyhavedonesohadnotahaltbeencalled.Somefiveversts'distanceafterthehaltwecameupagainstanobstacle.Wewerepassingthroughthevalleyofasmallriver;ononesidewerehills,ontheotheranarrowandfairlyhighrailwayembankment.Therecentrainshadfloodedthevalley,formingalargepuddleinourpathabouttwohundredfeetwide.Therailwaytrackroseaboveitlikeadam,andwehadtopassoverit.Therailwayguardallowedthefirstbattaliontopass,andthendeclaredthatwewouldhaveto

wait,asatrainwouldbegoingthroughinfiveminutes.Wehadhaltedandjustpiledourrifleswhenthefamiliarcarriageofthebrigadier-generalmadeitsappearance.Ourbrigadier-generalwasagallantsoldier.Ihadnevermetanyoneeitherontheoperaticstageorinanychurchchoirwithvocalcordstomatchthosethathepossessed.Hisboomingbassshooktheairlikeatrumpetblast,andhisbigburlyfigurewithitsfatredhead,hugeiron-greywhiskersflutteringinthewind,andthickblackeyebrowsovercoal-blackglitteringlittleeyes,whenhesathishorseandcommandedthebrigade,wasimpressivetoadegree.Oneday,duringsomemilitaryexercisesontheKhodynkafieldinMoscow,hehadcutsuchafinemartialfigurethatanoldgentlemanstandinginthecrowdofbystanderswasutterlydelightedandhadcriedoutaloud:"That'sawarhorse!That'sthekindofmenweneed!"ThenicknameWarHorsehadstucktothegeneraleversince.

Hedreamedofdeedsofvalour.Severalsmallvolumesofmilitaryhistoryaccompaniedhimthroughoutthecampaign.HisfavouriteconversationwiththeofficerswascriticismofNapoleon'scampaigns.Naturally,Iknewthisonlybyhearsay,asIhadseldomseenourgeneral;forthemostpartheovertookusinthemiddleofthemarchinhiscarriage,drawnbyafinetroika,arrivedatthehalting-place,occupiedlodgingstheretilllateinthemorningandovertookusagainduringtheday.Everytimehedidsothesoldiersnotedthedegreeoflividnessofhiscountenance,andthehoarsenessofhisterrificvoicewhenheshoutedtous:"Howdoyoudo,Starobeltsy!"Thesoldiersansweredhimwiththeusualchorusedgreeting,towhichtheyadded:"TheWarHorseisgoingtohaveahairofthedog!"Andthegeneralwoulddriveon,sometimeswithoutconsequences,andsometimesgivingoneoranothercompanycommanderathunderouswigging.

Seeingthehaltedbattalion,thegeneralflewupandjumpedoutofthecarriageasfastashiscorpulencewouldallowhim.Themajorhasteneduptohim."What'sthematter?Whyhaveyoustopped?Whogaveyoupermission?""Theroadisflooded.YourExcellency,andatrainwillsoonbepassing.""Roadflooded?Atrain?Nonsense!You'remakingsoftiesoutofthemen!Bunchofoldwasher-women!You'redisobeyingorders!I'llputyouunderarrest,sir!""YourExcellency....""Noneofyourtalk!"Thegeneral'sglaringeyestravelledroundandalightedonanothervictim."What'sthat?Whyisn'tthecommanderofthe2ndRifleCompanyinhisplace?CaptainWenzel,comehere!"Wenzelwentup.Hereceivedthefullblastofthegener



al'swrath.Iheardhimraisehisvoice,tryingtosaysomething,butthegeneralshoutedhimdown.Wenzelmusthavesaidsomethingdisrespectful,becausethegeneralroared:"Arguing?!Insolence!Silence!Takehissabreoff.Puthimunderarrest!Exampletoothers.Scaredbyapuddle!Comeon,boys!TheSuvorovway!"Thegeneral-strodepastthebattaliontowardsthewaterwiththeawkwardgaitofamanwhohadlongbeentravellinginacarriage."Followme,boys!TheSuvorovway!"herepeated,andenteredthewaterinhispatent-leatherWellingtons.Themajorlookedbackwithascowlingfaceandfollowedatthegeneral'sside.Thebattaliontookoffinhiswake.Thewateratfirstwasknee-deep,butthenitrosetothewaistandkeptrising;thetallgeneralstrodealongeasily,butthelittlemajorwasalreadyflounderingandthreshinghisarmsabout.Thesoldiersjostledeachother,slitheredaboutonthemuddybottom,andveeredfromsidetosidelikeaflockofsheepbeingdrivenacrossariver.Thecompanycommandersandthebattalionadjutant,beingonhorseback,couldhaveriddencomfortablythroughthepuddle,butseeingtheexamplethegeneralwassetting,theydismountedonreachingit,andleadingthehorsesbytheirbridles,steppedintothemuddywaterchurnedupbyhundredsoffeet.Ourcompany,whichhadthetallestmeninthebattalion,crossedfairlycomfortably,butthe8thCompanyofshortmenfollowingusflounderedinthepuddlealmostuptotheirears;someofthemhadswallowedwaterandclutchedatus,gasping.Onelittlefellow,aGypsy,withafaceaswhiteasasheetanddilatedblackeyes,threwhisrifleawayandclutchedZhitkovroundtheneckwithbotharms.Luckilyforhimsomeonecaughttheriflebeforeitcouldsink.Afterabouttwenty-fiveyards

thepuddlegrewshallower,andeveryonescrambledout,pushingandswearing.Manyofourmenwerelaughing,butthoseofthe8thCompanywereinnolaughingmood:thefacesofmanyofthemwereblue,butnotonlyfromthecold.Theriflemenwerepressingforwardfrombehindthem."Comeonthere,toddlers!"theyshouted."Mindyoudon'tdrown!""It'sallrightforyou,youhaven'tevenwettedyourwhiskers!"thoseofthe8thretorted."Thinkshimselfahero,hedoes!Afellowcandrownhereeasyascanbe.""Youshouldhavehoppedintomymess-tin.I'dhavecarriedyouacrossdry.""It'sapityIdidn'tthinkofit,oldchap,"thelittlesoldieransweredhischaffingmatesgood-humouredly.Theculpritofallthatcommotionhadmeanwhilepulledhisfeetoutoftheviscidmud,andnowstoodonthebank,amajesticfigure,surveyingthemassofmenf

lounderinginthewater.Hewaswettotheskinandeventothetipsofhislongwhiskers.Thewatertrickleddownhisclothes,andthepatent-leathertopsofhisboots,filledwithwater,weredistended.Yetheshoutedencouragementtothesoldiers:"Forward,lads!TheSuvorovway!"Thewetofficers,withsullenfaces,huddledroundhim.Wenzelwasthere,too,strippedofhissabre,hisfacedistorted.Thegeneral'scoachman,afterwalkingupanddownthebank,pokingthehandleofhiswhipinthewater,hadclamberedbackontotheboxandsafelycrossedthepuddlealittletoonesideofus,thewatertherebarelyreachingthehubofthewheels."Thatiswhereweshouldhavecrossed,YourExcellency,"themajorsaid."Maythemenbepermittedtodrythemselves?""Certainly,certainly.Major,"thegeneralsaid,nowappeased.Thecoldwaterha

dcooledhisardour.Hegotintohiscarriage,satdown,thenstoodupagainandshoutedatthetopofhisterrificvoice:"Thanks,Starobeltsy!Goodlads!"Themenansweredinastragglychorus,andthewetgeneralrodeoff.Thesunwasstillhighinthesky,andwehadonlyfivemoreverststogo;themajorcalledalonghalt.Weundressed,kindledcamp-fires,anddriedourclothes,bootsandkits,andwithintwohourshadstartedoffagain,recollectingourrecentbathwithlaughter."TheWarHorsehadWenzelputunderarrest,though!"Fyodorovsaid."Nevermind,acoupleofdaysbehindthemoney-boxwillonlydohimgood,"oneo



ftheriflemenmarchingbehindspokeup."What'shedonetoyou?""Nothing.Butthewholecompanywillbreatheeasier.Atleastwe'llberidofhimforacoupleofdays.It'sasmuchasanyonecanstand.""Patience,Cossack,andyou'llbeanatamanoneday.""Patience,yes,butwe'llbeatamansinthenextworld,I'mafraid,"Zhitkovsaidinhisusualgloomytone."EspeciallyifaTurkgetsyou.""Don'tbedown-hearted,Dad.Youjustthink:herearewewalkingniceanddrywhiletheWarHorseistrundlingalongwet,"Fyodorovsaidamidlaughter.

V

Weweremarchingalongsidetherailwaytrackallthetime;trainsfilledwithmen,horsesandmunitionskeptovertakingus.Thesoldiersgazedwithenvyatthegoodswaggonsastheyspedpastwiththeirloadsofhorseslookingoutthroughtheopendoors."Horseshaveallthehonourthesedays!Andwehavetowalk!""Ahorseisastupidanimal,itwillloseflesh,"declaredKarpov."That'swhatyou'reamanfor,totakepropercareofyourself."Once,duringahalt,aCossackcamegallopingupwithanimportantmessage.Ourofficerslinedusupinourwhiteshirtswithoutourkitsorrifles.Noneofusknewwhatitwasallabout.Theofficersinspectedthemen,Wenzel,asusual,shoutingandswearing,tuggingatbeltsthathadnotbeenputonproperly,andorderingmenwithakicktoputtheirshirtsstraight.Thenweweremarcheddownto

therailwaytrackandafteragooddealofparading,theregimentwasstrungoutalongthetrackintworanks.Thewhitelineofshirtsranoutforoverhalfamile."Boys!"shoutedthemajor."HisMajestytheTsarisridingpast!"AndweallbeganwaitingfortheTsar.Ourdivisionwasaratherremoteone,stationedalongwayfromSt.PetersburgandMoscow.ProbablynomorethanonemanoutoftenofushadeverseentheTsar,andeveryonelookedforwardeagerlytotheroyaltrain.Halfanhourpassed,butnotrainappeared;themenwereallowedtositdown.Theybegantotalk,tellingstories."Iwonderifhe'llstop?"someonesaid."Don'tbesilly!Canyouseehimstoppingforeveryblessedregiment?Becontentifhejustlooksatusoutofthewindow.""Wewon'tevenbeabletomakeoutwho'swho:therearesomanygeneralstravell

ingwithhim.""I'llmakehimoutallright!Isawhimthatnear,atKhodynkatheyearbeforelast,"onesoldiersaid,holdinghishandoutbywayofillustratinghowcloselyhehadseentheTsar.Atlast,afteratwohours'wait,awispofsmokeappearedinthedistance.Theregimentlinedup.Aservicetrainwithakitchenpassedfirst.Thecooksandkitchen-boysinwhitecapslookedoutatusfromthewindowsandlaughedforsomereasonorother.Somefivehundredyardsbehinditcametheroyaltrain;seeingtheregimentlinedupalongthetracktheengine-driversloweddown,andthecarriagesrolledpastslowlybeforetheeagerstaringeyesfixeduponthewindows.Butthewindowswerecurtainedoff,andtheCossackandofficerstandingontheplatformofthelastcarriageweretheonlypeopleinthetrainwhomwesaw.Welookedattherapidlyretreatingtrain,stoodthereforanothertwoorthreemin

utes,thenreturnedtoourbivouac.Themenweredisappointedandexpressedtheirchagrin."Godknowswhenwe'llseehimnow!"Butwesawhimbeforelong.AtPloestiweweretoldthattheTsarwasgoingtoreviewusinthattown.Wemarchedpasthimjustaswewere,inthesamedirtywhiteshirtsandtrousers,thesamedustyrust-colouredboots,andwiththesamestaggeringloadofkit,biscuitbags,andbottlesdanglingfromstrings.Thesoldierhadnothingdashing,swaggeringorheroicabouthim;helookedmorelikeanordinarymuzhikthananything,andonlytherifleandthecartridge-pouchthathecarriedindicatedthatthatmuzhikwasgoingtothewar.Wehadbeendrawnupinanarrowcolumnoff



ourmenabreast,otherwisewecouldnothavepassedthroughthenarrowstreetsofthetown.Imarchedontheoutside,tryinghardnottofalloutofstep,andthinkingthatiftheTsarandhisretinuestoodonmysideIwouldpassbeforehiseyesandveryclosetohim.GlancingatZhitkov,whowasmarchingalongnexttome,hishabituallygloomyfacelookingsomewhatexcited,Ifeltthatsomeofthegeneralexcitementwascommunicatingitselftometoo,andthatmyheartbegantobeatfaster.ItsuddenlystruckmethateverythingdependedonthewaytheTsarwouldlookatus.Eventually,whenIcameunderfireforthefirsttime,Iexperiencedasimilarkindoffeeling.Themenwalkedfasterandfaster,andtheirstridegrewlonger,easierandsteadier.Ididnothavetomakeanyefforttofallinwiththegeneralrhythm-alltirednesshadgone.ItwasasifIhadgrownwingswhichwerebearingmeonwardtowherethemusicrangoutanddeafeningcheersshooktheair.Idonotrememberthestreetsthroughwhichwepassed,orwhethertherewereanypeopleinthestreetslookingatus;allIrememberwastheexcitementthatgrippedmyhearttogetherwitharealizationoftheterriblepowerofthemasstowhichIbelongedandwhichwassweepingmealongwithit.Ifeltthattherewasnothingimpossibleforthatmass,thatthetorrentwithwhichIwasbeingbornealongandofwhichIformedapart,knewnoobstacles,thatitwouldbreakdown,crushanddestroyeverythingthatstoodinitspath.Andeveryonewasthinkingthatthemanbeforewhomthattorrentwouldsweeppast,could,byasingleword,asinglegesture,alteritscourse,turnitback,orflingitforwardoncemoreagainstterriblebarriers;andeveryonesoughtinthewordofthatoneman,inthemovementofhishand,thatunknownforcethatwasleadingustoourdeath."Youareleadingus,

"everyonethought,"weareplacingourlivesinyourhands;lookatusandrestassuredthatwearepreparedtodie."Andheknewthatwewerepreparedtodie.Hesawtheranksofmen,grimandterribleintheirpurpose,passingbeforehimalmostatarun,menofhisownpoorcountry,rough,poorlycladsoldiers.Hefeltthattheywereallgoingforwardtomeettheirdeathcalmlyandfreeofresponsibility.Hesatuponagreyhorsethatstoodmotionlesswithearsprickedtothemusicandthewildshoutsofecstasy.Aroundhimstoodhismagnificentretinue;butIremembernoneofthatbrillianttroopofhorsemenexceptthatonefigureonthegreyhorseinsimpleuniformandwhitecap.Irememberthepale,wornface,troubledbytheweightofthedecisionthathadbeentaken.Irememberthetearsthatpoureddownhisfaceandfelluponthedarkclothofhisuniforminbrightshiningdrops;Iremembertheconvulsivemovementofhishandthatheldthebridle,andthequiveringlipsthat

murmuredsomething,probablyagreetingtothethousandsofdoomedyounglivesforwhomhewasweeping.Allthisappearedandvanishedasinaflickeroflightning,duringwhichIranpasthim,breathless,notfromrunning,butfromsheerdeliriousecstasy,inonehandmyrifleraisedaloft,intheotherwavingmycapovermyheadandshouting"hurrah!"withallthestrengthofmylungs,myownvoicedrownedinthedeafeninguproar.Itwasalloverinaflash.Dustystreets,floodedinblazingsunshine,thirstysoldierswornoutbytheexcitement,theheatandthequickrunofnearlyamile,theshoutsoftheofficersdemandingthateveryoneshouldmarchinlineandinstep-thatwasallIsawandheardfiveminuteslater.Andwhen,aftermarchinganothermilethroughthestuffytown,wecametoacommonassignedtousforourbivouac,Iflungmyselfdownonthegroundutterlyexhaustedinbodyandsoul.

VI

Gruellingmarches,dust,heat,fatigue,blisteredfeet,briefrestsduringtheday,thesleepofthedeadatnight,thehatefulbuglerousingyoufromitatpeepofdawn.Andnothingbutfieldsandfields,sounlikeournativeones,coveredwithtallgreenmaizeloudlyrustlingitslongsilkyleaves,orwithrichwheatthatwasbeginningtoturnyellow.Thesamefaces,thesameregimentalmarchinglife,thesametalksandstoriesabouthome,aboutbilletingintheguberniatown,andgossipabouttheofficers.Menspokerarelyandreluctantlyaboutthefuture.Theyhadonlyadimideaofw



hattheyweregoingtofightfor,althoughwestoodoutsideKishinevforsixmonths,preparingtotakethefield;duringthattimethemeaningoftheforthcomingwarcouldhavebeenexplainedtothem,butevidentlythatwasnotconsiderednecessary.Irememberasoldieronceaskingme:"WillitbelongbeforewereachthelandofBokhara,Mr.Ivanov?"IthoughtatfirstthatIhadmisheard,butwhenherepeatedthequestion,IansweredthatthelandofBokharawasaboutthreethousandmilesawayandthatwewouldhardlyevergetthere."You'retalkingdifferentnow,sir.Theclerktoldmewe'dbethereassoonaswecrossedtheDanube.""YoumeanBulgaria!"Iexclaimed."What'sthedifference-BulgariaorBokhara,asyoucallit."Andhefellsilent,obviouslynettled.Allweknewwasthatweweregoingtofightthebashi-bazouksbecausetheyhadshedsomuchblood.Andwewantedtobeatthemnotsomuchbecauseoftheunknownbloodtheyhadshedasbecausetheyhaddisturbedsuchamassofpeople,because,throughthem,wehadhadtomakethisdifficultmarch("draggingusallthesethousandsofmiles,thedirtyheathens!"),anddischargeeshadhadtoleavetheirhomesandfamilies,andallofustogetherhadhadtogooutsomewhereandfacethebulletsandthecannon-balls.WethoughtoftheTurksastroublemakersandrebels,whohadtobeputdownandsubdued.Ourdomesticaffairs-regimental,battalionandcompanylife-occupiedusfarmorethanthewar.Inourcompanyitwasquietandpeaceful,butwiththeriflementhingsweregoingfrombadtoworse.Wenzelwasstillatit;feelingranhigh,an

dafteroneincident,whichevennow,afterthelapseoffiveyears,Icannotrecallwithoutdeepagitation,thisresentmenthardenedintorealhatred.Wehadjustpassedthroughsometownandcomeoutontoameadow,wheretheregimentaheadofushadalreadybivouacked.Itwasapleasantspot:ononesideariver,ontheotherawoodofoldoak,probablythepleasuregroundofthelocalinhabitants.Itwasafinewarmevening;thesunwassetting.Theregimenthalted;therifleswerepiled.ZhitkovandIbegantopitchourtent.Weputupthepoles,thenZhitkovdrovethepegsinwhileIheldtheedgeofthecanvas."Drawittighter,Ivanov,that'sright,"Zhitkovsaid.(Hehaddroppedtheformal"sir"withmesomedaysbefore.)JustthenIheardoddregularsplashingsoundsbehindme.Ilookedround.Theriflemenwerestandingatattention,whileWenzel,shoutinghoarsely,wassmackingoneofthemenacrosstheface.Paleasdeath,notdaringtododgethebl

ows,thesoldierstoodholdinghisrifleathisfoot,hiswholebodytrembling.Wenzel'ssmallslimbodytwistedwiththeblows,whichhedealtwithbothhands,nowfromtheright,nowfromtheleft.Therewasahushallround,brokenonlybythesmackingnoisesandthehoarsemutteringsoftheinfuriatedofficer.Everythingwentdarkbeforemyeyes,andImadeamovement.Zhitkovunderstoodit,andgavethecanvasahardjerk."Holdit,damnyou!"heshoutedwithafouloath."Haveyourarmswitheredoff,orwhat?Whatareyougapingat!"Theblowscontinuedtofall.Bloodwastricklingdownthesoldier'supperlipandchin.Atlasthedropped.Wenzelturnedaway,glaredatthecompanyandshouted:"IfanyoneelsedarestosmokeintheranksI'llgivehimaworsethrashing,therascal.Pickhimup,washhisuglymug,andlayhiminthetent.Lethimcomet

o.Pilearms!"hecommanded.Hishandswereshaking;theywereredandswollen,andcoveredwithblood.Hetookoutahandkerchief,wipedthem,andcameawayfromthemen,whowerepilingtheirarmsinaheavysilence.Severalofthem,mutteringamongthemselves,fussedaroundthebeatenmanandpickedhimup.Wenzelwalkedawaywiththenervousgaitofanexhaustedman;hewaspale,andhiseyesglittered;thetensedmusclesofhisfaceshowedthathisteethwereclenched.Passingmeandmeetingmycompellinggaze,hesmiledanunnaturalmockingsmilewithhisthinlipsalone,murmuredsomethingandpassedon."Theblood-sucker!"Zhitkovsaidwithhatredinhisvoice."Youareafineone,



too,sir!Askingfortrouble!Wanttofacethefiringsquad?Youwait,he'llgethisdeserts.""Doyoumeanthey'llcomplain?"Isaid."Whoto?""No,theywon'tcomplain.We'llbegoingintoactionsoonerorlater...."Andhemutteredsomethinghalftohimself.Iwasafraidtounderstandhim.MeanwhileFyodorov,whohadgonetohaveachatwiththeriflemen,hadreturned."Justtormentingthemenfornothingatall,"hesaid."Thatsoldier,Matyushkin,wassmokingonthemarch,andwhentheyhaltedandthecommandwasgiventoorderarms,heheldthecigarettebetweenhisfingers;hemusthaveforgottenaboutit,worseforhim.AndWenzelcaughthim."Thebrute!"headdedsadly,crawlingintothetentwhichhadalreadybeensetup."Thecigarettehadgoneout,too.Thepoordevilhadcleanforgottenaboutit."

SeveraldayslaterwearrivedinAlexandria,wherelargeforceshadbeenmustered.Comingdownthehighhillwesawavastareadottedwithwhitetents,theblackfiguresofmen,longhorselinesandglintingrowsofbrasscannonandgreengun-carriagesandammunitionwaggons.Crowdsofofficersandsoldierswalkedaboutthetown.FromtheopenwindowsofthedirtylittlehotelscamethesadandlivelysoundsofHungarianmusic,theclatterofplatesandnoisytalk;theshopswerecrowdedwithRussiancustomers.Oursoldiers,theRumanians,Germans,andJewsshoutedtoeachother,noneofthemunderstandingaword;argumentsabouttheexchangeo

fthepaperrublecouldbeheardateverystep."Whathaveyougivenmedoudgalagani(Twocoins)for,youblackdevil?Iwanttenkopeks!Hiyou,domnule!"(Mister)"Undeestepost?"anofficer,armedwithamilitaryphrasebook,inquiredwithexaggeratedpolitenessofaRumaniandandy,whomheaccostedwithasalute.TheRumaniantoldhim;theofficerthumbedthroughhisbook,lookingfortheunintelligiblewords,andthankedtheRumanianmostpolitely,althoughhehadnotunderstoodathing."Thesepeopleherearethedamnedlimit!Theyhavethesamepriestsandchurchesaswehave,mindyou,butthey'vegotnoideasaboutanything!Wantasilverruble?"asoldierwithashirtinhishandsyellsatthetopofhisvoiceataRumanianstall-keeper."Forthisshirthere?Patrufranci"?Fourfrancs?"Hetookoutacoinandshowedit,andthetransactionwasconcludedtotheirmut

ualsatisfaction."Makewaythere,countrymen,ageneraliscoming!"Atallyounggeneralinasprucecoat,highbootsandaridingwhiponabeltslungacrosshisshoulder,passedquicklydownthestreet.Severalpacesbehindhimfollowedhisbatman,alittleAsiaticinacolouredorientalrobeandturban,withahugesabreandarevolverathisbelt.Holdinghisheadhighandglancingwithcheerfulindifferenceatthesalutingsoldierswhomadewayforhim,thegeneralpassedintothehotel.Here,ensconcedinacorneroftherestaurant,satCaptainZaikin,StebelkovandI,consumingalocaldishconsistingofcayenneandmeat.Theshabbyroom,setwithlittletables,wascrowded.Theclatterofdishes,thepoppingofcorks,thehumofvoices,soberandtipsy,werealldrownedoutbytheband,whichsatinakindofnicheadornedwithredfustiancurtains.Therewerefivemusicians:twofiddlerswerescrapingawaywithgusto,acelloplayedthesecondpartinmo

notonousdroningtones,adouble-bassroared,andalltheseinstrumentstogethermerelyformedabackgroundforthefifthmusician,aswarthycurly-hairedHungarian,aboyalmost,whosatinthefrontwithacuriousinstrument,anancientsyrinx,likethatwhichPanandthefaunsarepicturedwith,thrustbehindthewidecollarofhisvelvetjacket.Itconsistedofarowofunevenwoodenpipesboundtogetherwiththeopenendsonalevelwiththeplayer'slips.Twistinghisheadfromsidetoside,theHungarianblewintothesepipes,fromwhichheproducedpowerfulmelodioussoundsresemblingneitheraflutenoraclarinet.Hecontrivedavarietyoftrickyanddifficultpassages,shakingandtwistinghisheadallthetime;hisblackgreasyhairdancedonhisheadandfelloverhisforehead



;hisperspiringfacewasredandtheveinsonhisneckswollen.Obviously,hewashavingnoeasytimeofit.Againstthediscordantbackgroundofthestringinstrumentsthenotesofthepanpipestoodoutsharply,distinctlyandwildlybeautiful.Thegeneraltookaseatatatableoccupiedbyofficersofhisacquaintance,bowedtoallwhohadgotupathisentranceandsaidloudly:"Sitdown,gentlemen!"(thiswasmeantfortherankandfile).Wefinishedourmealinsilence;ZaikinorderedRumanianredwine,andafterthesecondbottle,whenhisfacebrightenedandhisnoseandcheekstookonamorecheerfulhue,heturnedtome,saying:"Lookhere,youngman....Yourememberthelongmarch,don'tyou?""Ido,Captain.""YouhadatalkwithWenzelthen,didn'tyou?""Idid.""Youseizedhishand?"thecaptainsaidinanunnaturallygravetone.AndwhenIansweredthatIhad,heletoutalonggustysighandblinkedhiseyesworriedly."Thatwasabadthingtodo.Asillything!I'mnotblamingyou-forit,mindyou.Youactednobly...Imean,itwasabreachofdiscipline....Confoundit,whatnonsenseI'mtalking!Excusemeplease...."Hefellsilent,staringatthefloorandpuffing.Iwassilenttoo.Heswallowedhalfaglass,thenslappedmyknee."Promisemeyouwon'tdothatagain.Iunderstandyou.It'shardforanewman.Butwhatcanyoudowithhim?He'slikeamaddog,thatWenzel!Butthethingis...."Thecaptainwasobviouslyatalossforwords,andafteranotherlongpauseher

esortedtotheglassagain."Imeantosay...he'snotabadchap,really.Ican'tmakeoutwhatgetsintohim.Itookajabatasoldiermyselftheotherday-youprobablysawme.Justalighttap.Youcan'thelpitwhentheidiotdoesn'tunderstandhisownfool-trick-justalumpofwood,youknow....But,uponmyword,it'salldoneinafatherlyway.Nomaliceinitreally,althoughIdolosemytempersometimes.Buthe'smadeitasystem.Hi,you!"heshoutedtotheRumanianwaiter,"OstevinnegrulSomemorewine!He'llhavethelawonhimoneday,ifnotsomethingworse:themenwillgetmadwithhim,andassoonaswegointoaction....Itwillbeapity,becausehe'sadecentchap,really.Awarm-heartedfellow,Ishouldsay.""Oh,come,"drawledStebelkov."Whatwarm-heartedmanwillusehisfiststhewayhedoes."

"Youshouldhaveseenwhatthatwarm-heartedmanofyoursdidrecently,"Isaid,andtoldthecaptainhowWenzelhadbeatenthesoldieroveracigarette."There,that'shimallover!"Zaikinpuffed,reddening,thenresumedagainafterapause:"He'snotabrute,though.Whosemenarebestfed?Wenzel's.Whosemenarebesttrained?Wenzel's.Inwhoseunitaretherepracticallynopenalties?Whosemenarenevercourt-martialled-unless,thatis,somesoldierhasdonesomethingoutrageous?AgainWenzel's.Really,ifitwasn'tforthatunfortunateweaknessofhis,hismenwouldmakethedeuceofafussofhim.""Didyoueverspeaktohimaboutit,Captain?""Idid,andquarrelledwithhimadozentimesoverit.Butit'snouse.'It'seitheranarmyoramilitia!'hesays.Makesupstupidphraseslikethatallthetime.'War,'hesays,'issuchacruelty,thatifIamcrueltothesoldiersitisadropintheocean.Theystandonsuchalowlevelofdevelopment/hesays.Disgusting,really!Yethe'safin

efellow.Hedoesn'tdrink,doesn'tgamble,knowshisbusiness,helpshisoldfatherandhissister,andisanexcellentcomrade!Educatedman,too.Nooneintheregimentcomesuptohim.Andtakemywordforit,he'lleitherhavethelawonhimorthoseoutthere"-jerkinghisheadtowardsthewindow-"willtakethelawintotheirownhands.Abadbusiness.Sothat'showitis,mydearprivateIvanov."Hepattedmekindlyontheshoulder,thenslippedhishandintohispocket,drewouthistobaccopouchandbegantorollhimselfathickcigarette.Heputitintoahugeamber-tippedcigarette-holderinscribedinniellowiththeword"Caucasus,"stuckitintohismouthandhandedthepouchtomeinsilence.Weallthre



elitup,andthecaptainproceeded:"Youcan'thelpboxingtheirearssometimes.They'relikechildren,really.DoyouknowBalunov?"Stebelkovsuddenlyburstoutlaughing."Whatareyoulaughingat!"thecaptaingrumbled."He'sanoldsoldier;anoldoffender,too.He'sbeenservingthesetwentyyears-can'tgethisdischargebecauseofit.Well,thatrascal....Youweren'thereatthetime.Well,somewherenearKishinevwewerecomingoutofavillageoneday,andgotorderstoinspecteveryone'semergencypairofboots.Ilinedthemenupandwalkedbehindthemtoseeifthetopsofthebootswerestickingoutoftheirpacks.Balunov'sdidn'tshowanything.'Whereareyourboots?'Isays.'Insidethekit,sir.''You'realiar!''No,sir,Iput'eminsideso'stokeep'emdry!'Hewassoglib,therascal.Takeyourkitoff,undoit!'Insteadofundoingit,hestartspullingthebootsoutofitbytheirtops.'Undoit!'There'snoneedto,sir,Icanpullthemout.'ButImadehimundoit.Andwhatdoyouthink?Hepulledalivelittlepigoutofhiskitbytheears!Haditssnouttiedupwithabitofstring,too,sothatitdidn'tsqueal.Stoodtherepullingarespectfulface,onehandsaluting,theotherholdingthepig.StoleitfromaMoldavianwoman,thescoundrel.Well,ofcourse,Ifetchedhimalightcuff."Stebelkovwasholdinghissideswithlaughter."Yes,butwhatwith?"hemanagedtobringout."Thecaptainhithimwiththepig.Oh-ho-ho!Hesnatchedthatpigletandlaidaboutwithit!""Wastherereallyanyneedtodothat.Captain?""Oh,come!Manalive,whatwasItodothen-sendhimupforcourt-martial?"

VII

OnthenightofJunethe15thFyodorovwokemeup."Hearthat,Ivanov?""Whatisit?""Shooting.They'recrossingtheDanube."Ilaylistening.Astrongwindwasblowing,andblackscuttlingcloudsscreenedthefaceofthemoon;gustsofwindbuffetedtherailwaytrack,hummedamongthetentropesandwhistledshrillyinthestackedrifles.Throughthesesoundsanoccasionalheavythudcouldbeheard."Someone'sgettingit,"Fyodorovwhisperedwithasigh."Iwonderifwe'llbeorderedout?Whatdoyouthink?Hear'emblazingaway!Soundslikethunder.""Perhapsitisathunderstorm?"

"Ohno.It'stooregularforthat.Hearit?Oneafteranother,oneafteranother."Thethunderclaps,indeed,cameatregularintervals.Icrawledoutofthetentandlookedinthedirectionofthefiring.Therewerenogunflashes.Sometimesthestrainingeyeseemedtocatchaflashoflightfromwherethegunswerefiring,butthatwasonlyanillusion."Hereitis,atlast!"Ithought.AndItriedtoimaginewhatwasgoingonoutthereinthedarkness.Inmymind'seyeIsawabroadblackriverwithsteepbanks,quiteunliketherealDanubeIwasafterwardstosee.Hundredsofboatswerecrossingit,andthosesteadyrapidshotswerebeingfiredatthem.Howmanyofthemwouldsurvive?Acoldshiverranthroughmybody."Wouldyoucaretobetherenow?"Icouldnothelpaskingmyself.

Ilookedatthesleepingcamp;allwasquiet;thedistantthunderofthegunsandtheboominggustsofwindwerepunctuatedbythepeacefulsnoresofthemen.SuddenlyIpassionatelywishedthatallthisshouldnotbe,thatthemarchshouldstilldragon,thatthesepeacefulsleepers,andIwiththem,shouldnothavetogoouttowherethosegunswereroaring.Sometimesthecannonadegrewintenser;sometimesIcaughtfaintsoundslessdeep."That'sriflefire,"Ithought,notknowingthattheDanubewasthirteenmilesawayandthatthosefaintsoundswerebutthemorbidcreationofastrainingear.Unrealthoughtheywere,theysettheimaginationworking,paintingghastlyscenes.IfanciedIcouldhearscreamsandgroans,Ipicturedthousandsofmenly



ingprostrate,heardwildhoarsecheers,therushofabayonetattack,acarnage.Andwhatiftheywererepulsedandallthishadbeeninvain?Thedarkeastwasgreying;thewindhaddropped.Thecloudshadscattered,anddyingstarscouldbeseenhereandthereinthepalinggreen-tingedsky.Daybegantobreak;somemeninthecampwokeup,andtheotherswererousedbythesoundsofbattle.Menspokequietly,andlittlewassaid.Theunknownhadnowcomeupclose:nooneknewwhatthemorrowwouldbring,andnoonewantedtothinkorspeakaboutthatmorrow.Ifellasleepatdawnandwokeupratherlate.Thegunswerestillrumbling,andalthoughtherewasnonewsfromtheDanube,rumourseachmoreincrediblethantheothercirculatedamongus.SomesaidthatourtroopshadalreadycrossedandweredrivingtheTurksbeforethem,othersthatthecrossinghadfailedandthatwholeregimentshadbeenwipedout."Someweredrowned,somewereshotdead,"oneofthesoldierssaid."Youcanfib,youcan,"Karpovcuthimshort."I'mnotfibbing,it'sthetruth.""Thetruth!Whotoldyou?""What?""Wheredidyougetthestoryfrom?Weallknowthatthere'sshootinggoingon,andthat'saboutallwedoknow.""Everyonesaysso.ACossackcametothegeneral....""ACossack!Didyouseehim?Whatdoeshelooklike,thatCossackofyours?""JustanordinaryCossackasCossacksgo....""You'vegotalongwoman'stongue,youhave.You'dbettershutup.Therehasn'tbeenanyone,andnobodyknowsanything."IwentuptoCaptainZaikin.Theofficersweresittinginfullreadiness,their

revolversstrappedtotheirbelts.Thecaptain,asusual,wasred,puffingandblowing,andwipinghisneckwithadirtyhandkerchief.Stebelkovwasexcitedandradiant;forsomereason,hehadwaxeduphislittlemoustache,whichhadformerlyhunglimp."Lookatoursubaltern!Hehassmartenedhimselfupbeforegoingintoaction,"thecaptainsaid,winkingathim."Ah,Stebelkov,Stebelkov!I'msorryforyou!We'llmissthosemoustachesintheofficers'mess!"hesaidinamock-plaintivetone."Aren'tyouinafunk?""I'lltrynottobe,"Stebelkovansweredcheerfully."Whataboutyou,warrior,aren'tyouafraid?""Idon'tknowmyself,Captain,"Isaid."Isthereanynewsfromoverthere?""Nothing.Godknowswhat'sgoingonthere,"Zaikinsaidwithapainfulsigh."Wesetoutatoneo'clock,"headdedafterapause.

Thetentflapwasturnedback,andadjutantLukinpokedhisheadin;hisface,foronce,waspaleandgrave."Youhere,Ivanov?Ordershavebeengivenforyoutobeswornin.Notnow-whenwesetout.Captain,haveafifthclipissuedtothemen."Hedeclinedtocomeinandsitdown,pleadingthathewasbusy,andranoff.Iwentouttoo.Bytwelveo'clockdinnerwasready.Themanatepoorly.Afterdinnertheorderwasgiventotakethemuzzlecapsofftherifles,andextracartridgeswerehandedout.Thesoldierspreparedforaction,goingovertheirkitsandthrowingawayallsuperfluousarticles.Theythrewouttornshirtsandbreeches,oldboots,brushes,andgreasysoldiers'books;someofthem,asitnowturnedout,hadcarriedamassofunnecessaryarticlesintheirkitsallthewaytotheDanube.AmongthediscardedjunkscatteredaboutonthegroundIsawawoodenrollerusedin

peacetimeforsmoothingoutstrapsandbeltsbeforeparadesandreviews,heavystonejarsthatoncecontainedpomade,allkindsofboxesandbitsofboard,andevenashoemaker'slast."Throwawayeverythingyoucan,boys!Itwillbeeasierinaction.Youwon'tneedthemtomorrow.""I'vebeenluggingthisaboutforoverfivehundredversts,andwhatdoIwantitfor?"asoldierbythenameofLyutikovsaid,holdingupsomeoldgarment."Youcan'ttakeitwithyou."Kitclearingwasthevoguethatday.Whenwelefttheplaceonwhichwehadbeencamping,itrepresentedagainstthedarksettingofthesteppeagaudyrectangl



elitteredwithamultitudeofragsandotherthings.Beforesettingout,whentheregimentstoodreadywaitingforthecommand,severalofficersandouryoungregimentalchaplaingatheredatthehead.Iandfourvolunteersfromotherbattalionswerecalledoutoftheranks;wehadalljoinedtheregimentonthelineofmarch.Leavingourriflestothecareofourneighbours,westeppedforwardandstoodnearthecolours;mycomradesweredeeplyagitated,andmyheart,too,beatfasterthanusual."Takeholdofthestandard,"saidthebattalioncommander.Thestandard-bearerleaneditforward;hisassistantsunsheathedit.Theoldfadedgreensilkflutteredinthewind.Westoodroundit,onehandholdingthestaff,theotherraisedaloft,andrepeatedthewordsofthechaplain,whoreadoutfromasheetofpapertheancientPetrinemilitaryoath.IrecollectedwhatKarpovhadsaidonourfirstmarch."Wherewasit?"Ithought.AfteralengthyenumerationofincidentsandplaceswhereHisMajestyhadserved,listingmarches,offensives,vanguards,rearguards,andsentry-guards,forts,andbaggagetrains,Iheardatlastthefamiliarwords:"Norsparelifeandlimb."Weallfiverepeatedthemloudlyasoneman,andlookingattheranksofgrim-facedmenpreparedforbattle,Ifeltthatthosewerenotmerewords.Wereturnedtotheranks;theregimentstirredandcameintomotion;strungoutinalongcolumn,wesetofftowardstheDanubeataforcedmarch.Thesoundofshootingthathadcomefromtherewasnolongertobeheard.

Irememberthatmarchasifinadream-thedustraisedbytheCossackregiments

whoovertookusatafasttrottherollingsteppedippingdowntotheDanube,theoppositebank,whichcouldbeseenfifteenverstsaway;thefatigue,theheat,thescrambleatthewell,whichwecameacrossnearZimnitsa;thedirtylittletownfilledwithtroops;generalswavingtheircapstousfrombalconiesandcheering,andourcheeringback."They'vecrossed,they'vecrossed!"voiceshummedallaroundus."Twohundredkilled,fivehundredwounded!"

VIII

ItwasalreadydarkwhenwecrossedanarrowchanneloftheDanubebyasmallbridgeandsteppeduponalowsandyislandstillwetfromtherecentebb.Iremembertheclankofthebayonetsofsoldierscollidinginthedark,theclatteroft

heartilleryracingtoovertakeus,theblackmassofthebroadriver,thelightsontheoppositebankwherewehadtocrossthenextday,andthoughtofthefirstbattlethatthatdaywouldbring."Betternottothinkofit,andgotosleep,"Idecided,andlaydowninthedampsand.ThesunstoodhighwhenIopenedmyeyes.Thesandybankwascrowdedwithtroops,baggagetrains,andparksofartillery;gunemplacementsandlittleditchesfortheinfantryhadalreadybeendugatthewater'sedge;onthesteepbluffacrosstheDanubeorchardsandvineyardscouldbemadeoutwhereourtroopswerebustlingabout;beyondthemrosetheheights,whichsharplynarrowedthehorizon.AbouttwomilestotherightthewhitehousesandminaretsofSistovoloomeduponthehillsides.Asteamboatwithabargeintowferriedbattalionafterbattaliontotheotherside.Atourbankalittletorpedo-boatlayhissing.

"Happylanding,Ivanov!"Fyodorovgreetedme."Sametoyou.Butwehaven'tcrossedyet,havewe?""Thesteamboatwillsooncomeandtakeus.TheysayaTurkishmonitorishangingaboutsomewhere;see,they'vegotthislittlesamovarreadyforher,"hesaid,pointingtothetorpedo-boat."Thenumberofcasualties,myGod!"heproceededinachangedtone."They'vebeenbringingthemoverwithoutastop___"AndhetoldmethenowfamiliardetailsofthebattleofSistovo."It'sourturnnow.WhenwegetovertheretheTurkswillletflyatus.Atleast,westoodoffabitlonger:we'restillalive,whilethosefellows...."Henoddedtowardsagroupofsoldiersandofficersalittlewayoff,standingarou



ndsomeinvisibleobjectthatlayontheground."Whatisit?""Someofourdeadbroughtoverfromtheotherside.Goandhavealook,it'sawful."Iwentovertothegroup.Allstoodinsilencewithbaredheads,lookingatthebodieslyingsidebysideinthesand.Zaikin,WenzelandStebelkovwerethere,too.Thecaptain,withanangryfrown,wasgruntingandpuffing;Stebelkovcranedhisthinneckoverthecaptain'sshoulderwithalookofnaivehorror;Wenzelstooddeepinthought.Twobodieslayinthesand.OnewasthatofastrappinghandsomeguardsmanoftheFinlandRegiment;thehalf-platoontowhichhehadbelongedhadlosthalfitsmenduringtheattack.Hehadbeenwoundedinthestomachandmusthavesufferedlongagonybeforehedied.Sufferinghadsetadelicatesealofsomethingspiritualizing,beautiful,andtenderlywistfuluponhisface.Hiseyeswereclosed,hishandsfoldedonhisbreast.Hadheassumedthatposehimselfbeforedyingorhadhiscomradesdoneitforhim?Hedidnotinspirehorrororrevulsion,butmerelyinfinitepityforalifecutoffinitsfullvigour.CaptainZaikinbentoverthedeadbody,pickedupthecaplyingnexttoitsheadandreadtheinscriptionontheinsideoftheband:"IvanZhurenko,ThirdPlatoon.""HewasaUkrainian,poordevil!"hesaidsoftly.Ipicturedhisnativeland,ahotwindblowingfromthesteppe,avillageontheedgeofaravine,fencedoffmeadowswithwillowsgrowinginthem,awhiteclaycottagewithredshutters....Whoiswaitingforyouthere?TheotherbelongedtoasoldieroftheVolhyniaRegiment.Deathhadovertakenhi

msuddenly.Hehadbeenrunningforwardwiththeattackers,wildwithexcitementandbreathlessfromyelling,whenabullethadhithimbetweentheeyes,goingthroughhisheadandleavingablackgapingwound.Helayjustashehadfallen,withdilated,nowglazed,eyes,openmouthandafacelividanddistortedwithfury."They'vepaidoff,"saidCaptainZaikin."Paidoffinfull.Theyneednothingmore."Heturnedaway;thesoldiersfellbackquicklytomakewayforhim.StebelkovandIfollowedhim.Wenzelovertookus."There,Ivanov,"hesaid."Didyouseethat?""Yes,Wenzel,"Ianswered."Whatdidtheyremindyouof?"heaskedgloomily.Asuddenfuryagainstthiswickedmanflaredupinme,togetherwithadesiretotellhimsomethingthatwouldhurt.

"Plenty.Mostofallthattheywerenolongercannon-fodder.Theyhavenoneednowfordrillinganddiscipline,andnoonewilltormentthemforthesakeofthatdiscipline.Theyarenotsoldiers,subordinatesanymore!"Isaidinatremblingvoice."Theyaremen!"Wenzel'seyesflashed.Asoundescapedfromhisthroat,thenbrokeoff:hehadprobablywantedtoanswerme,buthadcheckedhimselfagain.Hewalkedalongsidemewithheaddown,thenafterawhilesaid,withoutlookingatme:"Yes,Ivanov,youareright.Theyaremen.Deadmen."

IX

WewereferriedacrosstheDanube;forseveraldayswestoodnearSistovo,waitingfortheTurks;thenthetroopsstartedtomoveinland.Wemoved,too.Foral

ongtimewewerekeptmovinghitherandthither;wewereatTirnovoandnotfarfromPlevna;threeweekshadpassedandwehadnotseenanyfighting.AtlastwewereassignedtoaspecialdetachmentwhosedutyitwastostemtheoffensiveofalargegroupoftheTurkisharmy.FortythousandRussianswerestrungoutoveradistanceofseventyversts;facingthemwereaboutahundredthousandTurks,anditwasonlyduetothecautioustacticsofourcommander,whodidnotwanttoriskthelivesofhismenandcontentedhimselfmerelywithrepulsingtheenemy'sattacks,aswellastothepassivityoftheTurkishpashathatwewereabletofulfilourtaskofpreventingtheTurksfrombreakingthroughandcuttingoffourmainarmyfromtheDanube.



Ournumberswerefew,andourlinealongone;wethereforeseldomhadachancetorest.Wemadetheroundofnumerousvillages,appearingnowherenowtheretoanticipateanexpectedattack;wegotintosuchout-of-the-waycornersofBulgariathatthefoodtransportswereunabletofindus,andwewenthungry,makingatwo-dayrationofbiscuitslastfivedaysandmore.Thestarvingmenthreshedunripewheatonspreadtentsheetswiththeaidofsticks,andcookedoutofthisandsourwildapplesanexecrablesoupwithoutsalt(becausetherewasnonetobehadanywhere)andmadethemselvesillwithit.Thebattalionsdwindledalthoughtheyhadnotbeeninaction.InthemiddleofJulyourbrigadewithseveralcavalrysquadronsandtwobatteriescametoaguttedTurkishvillageabandonedbyitsinhabitants.Wepitchedourcamponasteepmountainside;thevillagewasbelowinthedepthofavalleythroughwhichanarrowlittleriverwounditsway.Sheercliffstoweredontheothersideofthevalley.WebelievedittobetheTurkishside,buttherewerenoTurksanywhereabout.Wecampedonthishillofoursforseveraldaysalmostwithoutbreadandwithverylittlewater-wehadtogoforwaterfardowntoaspringgushingfromunderthecliffs.Wewerecompletelycutofffromthearmyandhadnoideawhatwasgoingonintheworld.Cossackpatrolswerepostedaboutfifteenverstsinfrontofus;twoorthreehundredofthemwerestrungoutovertwentyversts.TherewerenoTurksthereeither.Althoughwecouldnotdiscovertheenemyourlittledetachmenttookeverymeasureofprecaution.Dayandnightwehadadenseoutpostlinearoundourcamp.Owingtotheterrainthislinewasaverylongone,andeverydayseveralcompanieswereengagedinthisinactivebutextremelytiresomeduty.Inaction,almostcons

tanthunger,andtheuncertaintyofthesituationwerehavingabadeffectonthemen.Theregimentalfieldhospitalswerefilledtooverflowingandeverydaymen,exhaustedbyfeverandbloodyflux,wereforwardedonsomewheretodivisionalhospital.Thecompanieshadonlyfromahalftotwo-thirdsoftheirfullcomplement.Everyonewasgloomy,everyonewaseagertogointoaction.Atleastitwasawayout.Atlastitcame.ACossackmessengercamegallopinginwithnewsfromtheCossackpatrolcommanderreportingthattheTurkswereadvancing,andthathehadbeenobligedtodrawinhisunitsandfallbackfiveversts.ItafterwardstranspiredthattheTurkshaddrawnbackwithoutanyintentionofcontinuingtheoffensive,andthatwecouldhavestayedwherewewerewithoutfear,allthemorethatwehadreceivednoorderstogointoattack.Butthegeneralwhowasthenincomm

andofourforce-hehadonlyrecentlyarrivedfromSt.Petersburg-feltthesamewayasallhismendid.Andthemenfounditinsufferabletositdoingnothingortospenddaysonendlookingoutforaninvisibleand,aseveryonebelieved,non-existentenemy,eatingbadfoodandwaitingforone'sturntofallill.Andsothegeneralorderedanattack.Welefthalfofourdetachmentincamp.Thestateofaffairswassouncertainthatattackscouldbeexpectedfromothersides.Fourteencompanies,thehussarsandfourcannonsmovedoutintheafternoon.Neverhadwemarchedsobrisklyandcheerfully,notcountingthedaywehadmarchedpasttheTsar.Wemovedthroughavalley,passingdesertedTurkishandBulgarianvillagesoneafteranother.Inthenarrowlanes,whichwerefencedoffbytallwattleshigherthanaman,wedidnotmeetman,cattlenordog;theonlysignsoflifewerethehensthatflewup,clucking,ontothewattlefencesandtheroofsatourappro

ach,andgeesethatroseheavilyintotheair,screeching,andtriedtoflyaway.Branchesladenwithripeclusteringplumsofallvarietiespeepedoutofthelittlegardens.Atthelastvillage,withinfiveverstsofwheretheTurksweresupposedtobe,wewereallowedhalfanhour'srest.Duringthattimethesoldiersshookdownamultitudeofplums,andfilledtheirbelliesandhaversackswiththem.Some-notmany,itistrue-wenttothetroubleofcatchingandkillinghensandgeese,whichtheypluckedandtookalongwiththem.Ithoughtofhowthesamesoldiers,beforethecrossingatSistovo,hadthrownalltheirthingsoutoftheirpacksinexpectationofgoingintobattle.(ImentionedthefacttoZhitkov,whowaspluckingahugegoose.



"Ah,well,thoughwehaven'tbeeninaction,we'vegotusedtowaiting.Seemsasifyou'rejustgoingtokeeponstayingoutofit.Andifyoudogetintothethickofit,there'snoharminhavingasupply.Ifyouarenotkilled,abiteofsomethingwillcomeinhandy.""Areyouscared?"Icouldnothelpaskinghim."Perhapstherewon'tbeanything,"hesaidafterapause,intentonpluckingtheremainingwhitedown."Andifthereis?""Ifthereis,youhavetogowhetheryou'refrightenedornot.Theydon'taskusfellows.Let'shaveyourknife:it'safineknifeyouhave."Igavehimmybighuntingknife.Hecutthegoosedownthemiddleandofferedmeahalf."Takeit,itmaycomeinhandy.Asforbeingscaredornot,Iwouldn'tworryaboutthatifIwereyou,sir.It'sallGod'swill.There'snogettingawayfromit.""Especiallyifit'sabulletflyingatyouorashell,say,"interposedFyodorov,whowaslyingnearby."Ifyouaskme,sir,there'smoredangerinrunningaway.Yousee,abulletfliesonatrajectorylikethis"(heusedhisfingerforillustration),"andthoseinthereargetithottestofall!""Yes,"Isaid,"especiallywiththeTurks.Theysaytheyaimhigh.""Youknowalot,smartfellow!"ZhitkovsaidtoFyodorov."They'llshowyoutrajectoriesoutthere!Idaresayit'sbettertobeinfront,though,"headdedbyafterthought."Whereourofficersare.Ourswillbeintheleadtoo,"saidFyodorov."Thattheywill.They'renocowards.Nemtsevwillbeinfronttoo.""Whatdoyousay.UncleZhitkov,"askedFyodorov,"willhebekilledtodayornot?"

Zhitkovdroppedhiseyes."Whatdoyoumean?"hesaid."Oh,don'tpretend!Didn'tyouseehim?He'sallkeyedup."Zhitkovbecamegloomierstill."You'retalkingnonsense,"hemuttered."WhatdidmensaybeforetheDanube?"saidFyodorov."BeforetheDanube!Meninatemperwillsayanything.Naturally,they'reonlyfleshandblood.Butthey'renotcriminals,arethey?"Zhitkovsaid,turningroundandlookingFyodorovsquarelyintheeye."They'reGodfearingpeople,aren'tthey?Don'ttheyknowwhattheyareinfor!WhoknowsbutthattheymayhavetoanswertotheirMakertoday.Fancythinkingofsuchthings!BeforetheDanube!Why,beforetheDanubeItoldthegentlemanherethesamethingmyself"(noddingtowardsme)."It'safact.Itjustmadeyousicktosee

it.Butfancybringingthatupnow-'beforetheDanube'!"Herummagedinhisboottopforhistobacco-pouch,grumblingallthetimewhilehefilledhispipeandlitit.Then,puttingthepouchawayagain,hesatbackmorecomfortablywithhiskneesclaspedinhishands,andfelltobrooding.Halfanhourlaterwemovedoutofthevillageandbegantoclimbuphill,leavingthevalleybelowus.BeyondtheheightwhichwehadtocrossweretheTurks.Wecrestedthehill;beforeuslayawideundulatingstretchoflandthatgraduallyfellaway;itwascoveredwithwheatfieldsandmaizefieldsandimmensethicketsofelmsandcornels.Intwoplacestheminaretsofvillageshiddenbetweenthegreenhillsstoodoutwhitely.Weweretocapturethevillageontheright;beyondit,apalestreakalongtheskyline,laythehighroadwhichhadpreviouslybeenoccupiedbyourCossacks.Presentlyallthisdisappearedasweenteredadensethicketbrokenhereandtherebyopenglades.

Ihardlyrememberthebeginningofthebattle.Whenwecameoutintotheopenonthehillcrest,wheretheTurkscouldclearlyseeourcompaniesformingandscatteringastheyemergedfromtheundergrowth,asolitarygunshotrangout.Themenstarted;alleyeswerefixedonthewhitepuffofspreadingsmokethatrolledoffthehillock.Atthesameinstantthesharpjarringsoundoftheapproachingshell,whichseemedtobeflyingoverourveryheads,madeusallduck.Theshellflewoverusandhitthegroundnearthecompanythatwasmovingbehindus;Irememberthedullthudofitsexplosion,followedimmediatelybyapiteouscry.Asergeantmajorhadhadhislegtornoffbyasplinter.Ilearnedthatafterwards;atthemomentIcouldnotgraspwhatthatcrymeant-myearhadcaughtit,b



utnotmymind.Everythingmergedintothatvaguefeeling,hardlytobeexpressedinwords,whichgripsamanwhenhefirstcomesunderfire.Theysaythereisnotamanwhoisnotafraidinbattle;everystraightforwardandhonestman,whenaskedifhewasafraid,willanswer:yes.Itwasnotthatphysicalfearwhichseizesamanwhomeetsrobbersatnightinadarkdesertedstreet;itwasafullclearconsciousnessoftheinevitabilityandproximityofdeath.And,strangeandcrazythoughitmaysound,thisknowledgedidnotstopmen,didnotmakethemthinkofrunningaway,buteggedthemon.Nobloodthirstyinstinctswerearoused,nodesiretogoforwardinordertokillsomebody.Therewasjustanirresistibleurgetogoforwardatallcost,whilethethoughtofwhatonewouldhavetododuringthebattlecouldbeexpressedinthewords:"Ihavetodie,"ratherthan"Ihavetokill."WhilewewerecrossingtheclearingtheTurksmanagedtofireseveralshots.Betweenuslayalargethicketwhichrosegraduallytothevillage.Weenteredtheundergrowth.Allwassilence.Thegoingwasdifficult;thedense,oftenprickly,busheshadgrownthickly,andwehadtogoroundthemorthroughthem.Theinfantrymeninfrontofushadscatteredinaskirmishlineandwerecallingtoeachotherfromtimetotimesoasnottolosetouch.Ourcompanyforthetimebeingkepttogether.Adeepsilencereignedintheforest.Andthencamethefirstrifleshot,aquietsoundlikethetapofawoodcutter'saxe.TheTurksbegantoshootatrandom.Thebulletswhistledhighoverheadinvaryingtones,andspatteredthroughthebushes,tearingoffbranches,butdoingnoharm.Thetappingofthewoodcutter'saxecamefasteruntilitmergedintoa

steadycrackle;separatescreechesandwhistlingswerenolongerdistinguishable;thewholeairwaswhistlingandwhining.Wehurriedforward;allthemenaroundme,myselfincluded,wereunharmed.Iwasrathersurprised.Suddenlyweemergedfromtheundergrowth.Thepathdroppedawayintoadeepravineinwhichflowedabrook.Themenrestedforaminuteanddranktheirfillofwater.FromherethecompanieswentdifferentwaysinordertooutflanktheTurks;ourcompanywasleftinreserveintheravine.Theriflemenhadtomovestraighton,andafterpassingthroughtheundergrowth,attackthevillage.TheTurksstillkeptuparunningfire,buttheshootingnowwasmuchlouder.Crossingtotheothersideoftheravine,Wenzellinedhis-companyup.HesaidsomethingtothemenwhichIcouldnothear."We'lldoourbest,sir!"voicesroseinreply.Ilookedupathim;hewaspale,and,asIthought,sad,butfairlycool.CatchingsightofZaikinandStebelkov

,hewavedhishandkerchieftothem,thenbegansearchingforsomethingwithhiseyesamongourcrowd.Iguessedthathewantedtosaygood-byetome,andIstoodsothathecouldseeme.Wenzelsmiled,noddedtomeseveraltimesandcommandedhiscompanytojointheskirmishline.Theyscatteredrightandleftingroupsoffour,strungoutinalongline,andimmediatelydisappearedinthebushes-allexceptoneman,whosuddenlyboundedforward,threwhisarmsupandcollapsed.Twoofourmendashedoutoftheravineandbroughtthebodyin.Halfanhourdraggedbyinanagonyofsuspense.Thefightinggrewheavier.Theriflefirehadnowmergedintoacontinuousdeadlywhine.Gunsspokeupontherightflank.Bleedingmen,walkingandcrawling,begantoappearoutoftheundergrowth;atfirsttherewerefewofthem,buttheirnumbersincreasedwitheveryminute.Ourmenhelpedthemdownthesideoftheravine,gavethemwaterandmadethemascomfortableastheycoulduntilthestretcher-bearersarrived.Asoldierwithas

hatteredwristandafacebluefromlossofbloodandpain,camedownhimselfandsatbythebrook,groaningdreadfullyandrollinguphiseyes.Themenboundhisarmupandlaidhimdownonagreatcoat;thebleedingstopped.Hewasfeverish;hislipsquiveredandconvulsivesobsshookhisbody."MyGod,brothers!MyGod!""Manykilled?""Massesof'em,allovertheplace-it'sterrible.""Isthecompanycommanderalive?""Yes.Ifnotforhimthey'dhavebeatenusoff.Butwithhimthey'lldoit,"thewoundedmansaidinafaintvoice."Heledusthreetimes;everytimewewerebeatenback.Heledusagain.They'resittinginagully,rakinguswithbullets,simplyraking....Nofear!"thewoundedmansuddenlyshoutedfiercely,



gettingupandwavinghisbadarm."Noyouwon't,damnyou!"Herolledhiseyesinafrenzy,shoutedoutacoarseterribleoath,thenfaintedaway.Lukinappearedonthebrowoftheravine."CaptainZaikin!"heyelledinavoicenotlikehisown."Leadyourmenforward!".......................................................Smoke,adin,groans,wildcheers.Thesmellofbloodandgunpowder.Strange-lookingmenwithwhitefacesshroudedinsmoke.Asavageinhumanscramble.ThankGodsuchmomentsarebutdimlyrecollected,asifthroughahaze........................................................WhenwecameupWenzelwasleadinghiscompanyagainsttheTurksforthefifthtimeunderadeadlyhailoflead.Thistimetheinfantrybrokeintothevillage.FewoftheTurkswhohadbeendefendingitatthispointsucceededinescaping.The2ndRifleCompanyhadlostfifty-twomenoutofahundredoddintwohoursoffighting.Ourcompany,whichhadnotbeeninactionlong,lostseveralmen.Wedidnotstayatthecapturedpositions,althoughtheTurkshadbeendislodgedeverywhere.Whenourgeneralsawbattalionafterbattalionofthemmovingoutofthevillage,togetherwithmassesofcavalryandlonglinesofguns,hestoodaghast.EvidentlytheTurkshadnotbeenawareofournumbers,forwehadbeenhiddenintheundergrowth;hadtheyknownthattheyhadbeendrivenoutoftheruttedroads,gulliesandwattlefencessurroundingthevillagebyonlyfourteencompanies,theywouldhavecomebackandcrushedus.Theyhadthriceournumbers.

Intheeveningwewerebackatouroldplace.CaptainZaikininvitedmetotea."HaveyouseenWenzel?"heaskedme."Notyet.""Gotohistentandcallhimtojoinus.Themanistakingonsomethingdreadful.'Fifty-two!Fifty-two!'hekeepsonrepeating.Goandfetchhim."AthinbitofcandlefeeblylitupWenzel'stent.Hewascrouchingthereinacorner,hisheadonaboxandhisbodyshakenbydeepsmotheredsobs.

1882

THESCARLETFLOWER

(TotheMemoryofI.Turgenev)

I

InthenameofhisRoyalMajestyandSovereignMonarchKingPetertheFirstIdodeclarethismadhouseopenforinspection!"Thisspeechwasutteredinaloudraucousvoice.Thehospitalclerk,whowasregisteringthepatientinabigdog-earedbookthatlayonanink-staineddesk,couldnothelpsmiling.Butthetwoyoungattendantsdidnotlaugh:aftertwodaysandsleeplessnightsspentalonewiththemadman,whomtheyhadjustbroughtdownbyrailway,theycouldbarelystandontheirfeet.Atthelaststationbutonehehadbecomesoviolentthathe

hadhadtobeputinastraitjacket,forwhichpurposetheassistanceoftheguardsandapolicemanhadhadtoberesortedto.Thusboundhewasbroughttotownanddeliveredatthehospital.Helookedghastly.Overhisgreygarment,whichhadbeentorntoshredsduringhisoutburstofviolence,wasatightlylacedjacketofcoarsecanvascutlowattheneck;thelongsleevespinionedhiscrossedarmsoverhischestandweretiedbehindhisback.Hisbloodshotdilatedeyes(hehadnotsleptfortendays)glitteredwithafeverishblazinglight;hislowerliptwitchedwithanervousspasm;hiscurlymattedhairhungoverhisforeheadlikeamane;hepacedfromcornertocorneroftheofficewithswiftheavystrides,staringfixedlyattheold



filecabinetsandtheoilcloth-coveredchairs,andthrowinganoccasionalglanceathiscompanions."Takehimin.Thebuildingontheright.""Iknow.Iwasherelastyear.Wewereinspectingthehospital.Iknowallaboutit,itwillbedifficulttodeceiveme,"saidthepatient.Heturnedtowardsthedoor.Thedoor-keeperopenedittolethimpassthrough;hewalkedoutoftheofficewiththesameswift,heavy,resolutestride,hisdementedheadheldhigh,andmadeforthementaldepartmentontherightalmostatarun.Hisattendantswerebarelyabletokeepupwithhim."Ringthebell.Ican'tdoit,youhavetiedmyhands."Thedoor-keeperopenedthedoor,andthepatientandhisattendantsenteredthehospital.Itwasalargestonebuildingofold-fashionedconstruction.Twolargehalls-oneadining-room,theotheracommonroomforthequietinmates-awidepassagewithaglassdoorleadingintothegarden,andabouttwentyseparateroomswheretheinmateslived,occupiedthegroundfloor;onthesamefloorweretwodarkrooms,onepadded,theotherboarded,wheretheviolentpatientswerekept,andagreatgloomyroomwithavaultedceilingwhichwasthebath-room.Theupperfloorwasoccupiedbythewomen.Aconfusedhum,punctuatedbyhowlsandscreeches,camefromthere.Thehospitalhadbeenbuiltforeightypatients,butasitwastheonlyoneservingseveraladjacentgubernias,itaccommodateduptothreehundred.Thetinyroomscontainedasmanyasfourandfivebeds;inthewinter,whenthepatientswerenotallowedoutintothegarden,andallthewindowsbehindtheirironbarswereshuttight,theairinthehospitalbecameunbearablystuffy.

Thenewpatientwasledintotheroomcontainingthebaths.Thisroomwasadepressingsighteventoasaneman,andallthemorepainfulwasittoasickdisorderedmind.Itwasalargevaultedroomwithastickystonefloorilluminedbyasinglecornerwindow;thewallsandarcheswerepaintedwithdark-redoilpaint;twobuilt-instonebaths,liketwoovalholesfilledwithwater,weresunkintothegroundonalevelwiththefloor,whichwasblackwithdirt.Ahugecopperstovewithacylindricalboilerforheatingthewaterandamazeofcopperpipesandtapsoccupiedacornerfacingthewindow;allthistoasickbrainhadasinisterfantasticappearance,andthebathattendanthimself,aburly,dour-faced,taciturnUkrainian,onlytendedtoheightenthisimpression.Whenthepatientwastakenintothissinisterroomtohavehisbath,and,inaccordancewiththesystemoftreatmentintroducedbythehousephysician,tohavealargeblisterplasterputonthebackofhisneck,hewasbesidehimselfwith

terrorandfury.Ridiculousthoughts,onemoremonstrousthantheother,whirledinhisbrain.Whatwasthis?TheInquisition?Asecretplaceofexecutionwherehisenemieshaddecidedtodoawaywithhim?OrwasthisHellitself?Itthenoccurredtohimthatthiswasakindofordeal.Hewasundresseddespitehisdesperateresistance.Withanenergyredoubledbysicknessheeasilywrenchedhimselfoutofthehandsoftheattendants,whofellsprawlingonthefloor;finallythefourofthemthrewhimdown,andseizinghimbythearmsandlegs,loweredhimintothewarmwater.Itseemedboilinghottohim,andwildcrazythoughtsofordealbyboilingwaterandred-hotironthrongedhissickhead.Chokingwithwater,strugglingfuriouslyinthegripoftheattendants,heshoutedoutinahalf-strangledvoiceanincoherentspeech,thenatureofwhichonecannotpossiblyimagineunlessonehasactuallyheardit.Itwasamixtureofprayersandcurses.Hescreamedandfoughtuntilhewasutterlyexhausted,andthenquietly,with

hottearspouringdownhisface,heutteredaphrasethatwasoddlyatvariancewithhispreviousspeech."HolymartyrSt.George!IntothyhandsIgivemybody.Butmysoul-no,ohno!"Theattendantswerestillholdinghim,althoughhehadcalmeddown.Thewarmbathandtheicebagappliedtohisheadhaddonetheirwork.Butwhen,almostsenseless,hewastakenoutofthewaterandseatedonastooltohaveablisterplasterapplied,hemusteredhislastounceofstrengthandhiscrazedbraininafreshoutburst."WhathaveIdone?"heshrieked."Iwasdoingnooneanyharm.Whydoyouwanttokillme?O-o-o!Oh,myGod!Oh,thesoulsofallthosetorturedbeforeme!Del



iverme,Ipray...."Theburningtouchoftheplastertothenapeofhisneckmadehimstrugglefuriously.Theattendantscouldnotmanagehimanddidnotknowwhattodo."Itcannotbehelped,"saidthesoldierwhowasperformingtheoperation,"itwillhavetoberubbedoff."Thesesimplewords,misconstruedbythesickmanas"rubbedout,"madehimshudder."Rubbedout?Rubwhatout?Rubwhoout?Me?"hethought,andshuthiseyesindeadlyterror.Thesoldiertookaroughtowelbyitstwoendsandrubbedithardacrossthebackoftheman'sneck,tearingofftheblisterplasterandleavingalividpatchwheretheskinhadcomeawaywithit.Thepainofthatoperation,unbearableeventoacalmandsaneperson,seemedtheendofeverythingtothepatient.Hewrenchedhimselffreewithafranticeffort,andhisnakedbodywentrollingovertheflagstones.Hethoughthehadhadhisheadcutoff.Hewantedtocryoutbuthecouldnot.Hewascarriedsenselesstohisbed,where,withoutcomingto,hefellintoadeepdeadsleep.

II

Heawokeinthenight.Allwasquiet;inthelargeroomnextdooronecouldhearthebreathingofthesleepingpatients.Somewherefarawayaninmateofthedarkpaddedroomwastalkingtohimselfinastrangemonotonousvoice,whileupstairs,inthewomen'sdepartment,ahoarsecontraltowassingingawildsong.Thesickmanlaylisteningtothesesounds.Hefeltterriblyweakinallhisachinglimbs,andhisneckwascausinghimgreatpain.

"WhereamI?Whathashappened?"hewondered.Andsuddenlythelastmonthofhislifecamebacktohimwithextraordinaryvividness,andherealizedthathewasillandwhathisillnesswas.Herecalledvariouscrazythoughts,words,andactionsofhis,andashudderranthroughhisbody."Thatisovernow.ThankGod,thatisallover!"hewhispered,andfellasleepagain.Theiron-barredopenwindowgaveuponasmallareabetweenthebigbuildingsandthestonefence;nooneeverusedthatarea,anditwascoveredwitharankgrowthofwildshrubsandlilacbushes,whichwereinfullblossomatthattimeoftheyear.Ontheothersideoftheshrubberydirectlyfacingthewindowroseahighdarkwall,frombehindwhichpeepedthetopsofthetreesgrowinginthelargegarden,allbathedandsteepedinmoonlight.Ontherightrosethewhitebuildingofthehospital,itsbarredwindowslightedupfromwithin;ontheleftwas

theblankwallofthemortuary,dazzlingwhiteunderthemoon.Themoonlightpouredintotheroomthroughthebarredwindowandlituppartofthebedandthegauntpallidfaceofthesickmanwithclosedeyes;therewasnotatraceofmadnessinitnow.Itwasthedeepheavysleepofanexhaustedman,asleepwithoutdreams,withouttheslightestmovement,almostwithoutbreathing.Heawokeforseveralsecondsperfectlysaneandseeminglyhealthy,onlytogetupinthemorningasinsaneasever.

III

"Howdoyoufeel?"thedoctoraskedhimthenextday.Thepatient,whohadjustwokenup,stilllayunderhisblanket."Splendid!"heanswered,jumpingup,puttingonhisslippersandsnatchinghisd

ressing-gown."Splendid!Theonlytroubleisthis!"Andhepointedtothebackofhishead."Icannotturnmyhead,ithurtsme.Butthatisnothing.Everythingisgoodwhenyouunderstandit;andIunderstand.""Doyouknowwhereyouare?""OfcourseIdo,doctor!Inamadhouse.Butonceyouunderstanditmakesnodifference.Noearthlydifference."Thedoctorlookedintohiseyessearchingly.Hissmoothhandsomefacewithitsperfectlygroomedgoldenbeardandsteadyblueeyesbehindapairofgold-rimmedspectacleswasinscrutableandobservant."Whatareyoustaringatmefor?Youwillnotbeabletoreadmysoul,"thepati



entcontinued,"butIcanclearlyseeintoyours!Whyareyoudoingevil?Whyhaveyouherdedtogetheralltheseunfortunatepeople,whydoyoukeepthemhere?Idon'tcare:Iunderstandwhatit'sallaboutandsoItakeitcalmly;butthey?Whythesetortures?Toamanwhohashadagreatidea,acommonidea,broughthometohim,itmakesnodifferencewherehelives,whathefeels.Hedoesnotevencarewhetherhelivesornot....Isn'tthatso?""Possibly,"thedoctoranswered,sittingdownonachairinacorneroftheroomthebettertobeabletowatchthepatient,whowaspacingswiftlyfromcornertocornerinhishugeshufflinghorse-hideslippersandhisflutteringcottongownwithbroadcrimsonstripesandlargeflowers.Themedicalassistantandtheattendantaccompanyingthedoctorcontinuedtostandatattentionbythedoor."AndIhaveit!"thepatientcried."WhenIdiscovereditIfeltmyselfanewman.Mysensesweresharpened,andmybrainfunctionsasneverbefore.WhatIusedtoarriveatbyalongprocessofguess-workandinference,Inowrealizeintuitively.Ihaveattainedinrealitywhatphilosophyhasevolvedintheory.Iexperiencethroughmyselfthegreatideasthatspaceandtimearebutafiction.Idwellinalltheages.Ilivebeyondspace,everywhereornowhere,asyoulike.AndthereforeIdonotcarewhetheryoukeepmehereorletmego,whetherIamfreeorbound.Inoticethatthereareoneortwomorelikemehere.Butfortherestofthecrowdsuchasituationisterrible.Whydon'tyousetthemfree?Whowants-""Yousaid,"thedoctorinterruptedhim,"thatyoulivebeyondspaceandtime.ButsurelyyouwillagreewithmethatyouandIarebothinthisroom,andthatitisnow"-thedoctorconsultedhiswatch-"halfpasttenonMaythesixth,eighte

enhundredand--Whatdoyousaytothat?""Nothing.IdonotcarewhereIamandwhenIlive.IfIdonotcare,doesnotthatsignifythatIameverywhereandalways?"Thedoctorsmiled."Soundlogic,"hesaid."Idaresayyouareright.Goodday.Wouldyoucareforacigar?""Thankyou."Hestopped,tookacigar,andbitoffthetipwithnervousimpatience."Ithelpsyoutothink,"hesaid."Thisworldisamicrocosm.Atoneend-alkalis,attheother-acids....Suchistheequilibriumoftheworldinwhichoppositebasesareneutralized.Good-bye,doctor!"Thedoctorproceededonhisround.Manyofthepatientsstoodstifflyattheircots,waitingforhim.Nochiefenjoyssuchrespectfromhissubordinatesasapsychiatristdoesfromhisinsanepatients.

Thesickman,leftalone,continuedtopacefeverishlyfromcornertocorner.Teawasbroughthim;withoutsittingdown,heemptiedthelargecupintwogulps,andateupthechunkofwhitebreadinthetwinklingofaneye.Thenhewentout,andforseveralhoursinsuccession,withoutstopping,hewalkedfromoneendofthebuildingtotheotherwithhisswiftheavystride.Itwasarainydayandtheinmateswerenotallowedoutintothegarden.Whenthedoctor'sassistantlookedforthenewpatient,someonepointedhimoutattheendofthepassage;hewasstandingtherewithhisfacepressedagainsttheglasspaneofthegardendoor,staringattheflower-bed.Hisattentionwasattractedbyanunusuallyvividscarletflower,avarietyofthepoppy."Pleasecomeandbeweighed,"thedoctor'sassistantsaid,touchinghisshoulder.Whenthepatientturnedhisfacetohim,herecoiledwithastaboffear-sucha

lookofmaniacalmalignityandhatredwasreflectedinthepatient'sblazingeyes.Atthesightofthedoctor'sassistant,however,heinstantlychangedhisexpressionandfollowedhimmeeklywithoututteringaword,asthoughsunkdeepinthought.Theywentintotheconsulting-room;thepatientsteppedontotheplatformofthesmalldecimalbalancewithoutwaitingtobeinvited;thedoctor'sassistantcheckedhisweight,andwrote"109pounds"againsthisnameinthebook.Thenextdayitwas107,andthedayafterthat106."Ifhekeepsonlikethishewillnotlastlong,"thedoctorsaid,andgaveordersforhimtobefedwell.Butdespitethedoctor'sordersandthepatient'sprodigiousappetite,thelatte



rlostweightdaybyday,andthefigurewhichtheassistantwrotedowninthebookdwindledsteadily.Thepatienthardlysleptandspentwholedaysinceaselessmovement.

IV

Herealizedthathewasinamadhouse;heevenrealizedthathewasill.Sometimes,asonthatfirstnight,hewouldwakeupinthestillnessofthenightafterawholedayofviolentmovement,achinginallhislimbs,andwithaweightofleadinhishead,butotherwiseperfectlysane.Itmayhavebeentheabsenceofimpressionsinducedbythestillnightandthesemi-darkness,orthesluggishworkofabrainrousedfromsleepthatmadehimclearlyrealizehispositionatsuchmomentswithwhatseemedtobeperfectsanity.Then,withdaybreak,thehospitalcametolife,andawaveofimpressionsengulfedhim;hissickbraincouldnotcopewiththem,andhesuccumbedagain.Hisconditionwasapeculiarmixtureofsanereasoningandnonsense.Heunderstoodthatallthesepeoplearoundhimwerehospitalpatients,yethesawineveryoneofthemsomeincognitoorsecretlydisguisedpersonwhomhehadknownbefore,oraboutwhomhehadheardorread.Thehospitalwastenantedbypeopleofallagesandallcountries,deadandliving.Here,resurrected,werethefamousandthestrongofalltheworld,andsoldierskilledinthelastwar.Hesawhimselfinakindofenchantedcircleinwhichwasgatheredallthemightoftheearth,andinafrenzyofpride,believedhimselftobethecentreofthatcircle.Allhishospitalmateshadgatheredherewithhimtofulfilataskwhichhevaguelyenvisagedasagiganticenterprise

aimedatdestroyingtheeviloftheworld.Hedidnotknowwhatformitwouldtake,buthefeltthathehaditinhimtocarryitout.Hecouldreadpeople'sminds;thingsrevealedtohimtheirwholehistory;thegreatelmsinthehospitalgardentoldhimlegendsofthepast;thebuilding,whichwasreallyfairlyold,heconsideredtohavebeenerectedunderPetertheGreat,andwasconvincedthattheTsarhadlivedinitatthetimeofthePoltavaBattle.Hereadthisonthewalls,onpiecesofchippedoffplaster,onthefragmentsofbricksandtilesthathefoundinthegarden;thewholehistoryofthishouseanditsgardenwaswrittenonthem.Hepeopledthesmallbuildingofthemortuarywithscoresandhundredsofindividualslongsincedead,andhestaredthroughitslittlebasementwindow,seeingintheshadowylightreflectedintheold,iridescentanddirtyglassthefamiliarlineamentswhichhehadonceseeninlifeoronportraits.Meanwhiletheweatherhadturnedfineandsunny,andtheinmatesspentalldayi

nthegarden.Theirpartofthegardenwasasmallspace,thicklyovergrownwithtrees,whichhadflowersplantedoveritwhereverpossible.Thewardenmadeeveryoneworkinitwhowasatallfittodoanything;dayindayoutthepatientspotteredaboutsweepingthepaths,strewingsandonthem,weedingandwateringtheflower-beds,thecucumbers,melonsandwater-melons,whichtheyhadplantedwiththeirownhands.Thecornerofthegardenwasovergrownwithcherry-trees;avenuesofelm-treesrandownit;inthemiddle,onasmallartificialmound,aflower-bedhadbeenlaidout,themostbeautifulflower-bedinthewholegarden;brightflowersgrewroundthebordersoftheupperledge,whilethecentrewasadornedbyagorgeousyellowdahliawithredspots.Itwasthecentrepieceofthewholegarden,whichitdominated,anditwastobeobservedthatmanyoftheinmatesattachedakindofmysterioussignificancetoit.Itstruckthenewpatient,too,asbeingratherremarkable,apalladiumofthegardenandbuilding,as

itwere.Allthegardenwalks,too,hadbeenplantedbytheinmateswithallkindsofflowerssuchasareusuallymetwithinUkrainianhomes:tallroses,brilliantpetunias,clumpsoftalltobaccoplantswithsmallpinkblossoms,mint,marigolds,nasturtiums,andpoppies.Rightnearthedoorstepgrewthreeclustersofpoppiesofsomepeculiarvariety;theyweremuchsmallerthantheordinarypoppy,fromwhichtheyweredistinguished,however,bytheirextraordinarilybrilliantscarlethue.Itwasthisflowerthathadarrestedthepatient'sattentiononhisfirstdayatthehospital,whenhehadbeenfoundlookingoutintothegardenthroughtheglassdoor.Oncomingoutintothegarden,thefirstthinghehaddonebeforedescendingthe



stepswastolookatthosebrilliantflowers.Therewereonlytwoofthem,growingsomewhatapartfromtherestonanunweededspot,half-buriedinrankgoose-footanddock.Theinmatescamethroughthedooronebyone,andthedoor-keepergaveeachofthemathick,whiteknittedcapwitharedcrossonthefrontofit.Thesecapshadbeeninthewarandhadbeenpurchasedbyauction.Butthepatient,naturally,attachedaspecialmysterioussignificancetothatredcross.Hetookhiscapoffandlookedatthecross,thenatthepoppies.Theflowerswerebrighter."Heiswinning,"saidthepatient,"butweshallsee."Andhedescendedthesteps.Lookingroundandnotseeingtheattendant,whowasstandingbehindhim,hesteppedovertheflower-bedandstretchedhishandouttowardstheflower,butcouldnotbringhimselftopluckit.Hefeltahotstabofpaininhisoutstretchedarm,andthenthroughouthisbody,asthoughsomepowerfulsecretcurrentemanatingfromthescarletpetalshadshotthroughhisbody.Hewentcloser,hishandalmosttouchingtheflower,butitseemedtohimasiftheflowerwasdefendingitself,exhalingapoisonousdeadlybreath.Hisheadreeled;makingalastdesperateeffort,heseizeditbyitsstemwhensuddenlyaheavyhanddroppedonhisshoulder.Theattendanthadcaughthim."Youmustnotpicktheflowers,"theoldmansaid."Andyoushouldnotwalkontheflower-beds.Therearealotofyoulunaticshere;ifeveryonetookaflowertherewouldbenothingleftofthegarden,"hepointedoutpersuasively,hishandstillonthepatient'sshoulder.Thepatientlookedhimintheface,removedhishandinsilence,andwalkedawaydownthegardenpathdeeplyperturbed."Poorwretches!"hethought."Youseeno

thing,youaresoblindthatyoudefendit.Butcomewhatmay,Ishallputanendtoit.Soonnowweshallcrossswords.AndifIdieintheattempt,whatdoesitmatter...."Hewalkedaboutthegardentilllateintheevening,strikingupacquaintancesandstartingstrangeconversationsinwhicheachofhisinterlocutorsfoundonlytheanswerstohisowncrazythoughtsexpressedinabsurdmysteriouswords.Thepatientwalkedaboutfirstwithonecompanion,thenanother,andtowardstheendofthedayhewasmoreconvincedthaneverthat"allwasready,"asheputittohimself.Soonnow,soon,theironbarswouldfallapart,andal]thepeopleimprisonedherewouldbesetfreeandrushtoallcornersoftheearth,andtheworld,withashudder,wouldthrowoffitsshabbyoldcoveringandappearinallitsgloriousandshiningnewbeauty.Hehadalmostforgottenaboutthefloweruntilhemountedthestepsonhiswayoutofthegarden,whenhesawthetworedco

alsglowingamidthedense,darkenedandalreadydewygrass.Thepatientlaggedbehindthecrowd,andwhenthedoor-keeper'sbackwasturned,hejumpedovertheflower-bed,snatchedtheflowerandhiditawayhastilyunderhisshirt.Whenthefreshdewyleavestouchedhisbodyhegrewaspaleasdeath,andhiseyesdilatedinterror.Acoldsweatbrokeoutonhisforehead.Thelampswerelitinthehospital;whilewaitingfortheirsuppermostoftheinmateslaydownontheirbeds,andonlyafewrestlesssoulshurriedlypacedthepassageandthehalls.Amongthemwasthepatientwiththeflower.Hewalkedaboutwithhisclaspedhandsconvulsivelycrossedonhischestasifhewouldcrushanddestroytheplantthatlayhiddenthere.Hegaveeveryonehemetawideberth,takingcarenottotouchthemwiththehemofhisgarment."Keepaway,keepaway!"heshouted.Butsuchexclamationsinthehospitalhardlyattractedattention.Hewalkedfasterandfaster,makinglongerandlongerstrides;hewalkedf

oranhour,twohours,inakindoffrenzy."I'llwearyouout!I'llstrangleyou!"hemutteredsavagely.Attimeshegnashedhisteeth.Supperwasservedinthedining-room.Severalpaintedandgiltwoodenbowlscontainingathinmilletgruelweresetoutonlargebaretables;thepatientstooktheirseatsonthebenches;theywereeachgivenalumpofblackbread.Theyatewithwoodenspoons,eightmenoutofonebowl.Someofthem-thosewhowereonanimproveddiet-wereservedseparately.Ourpatientquicklyswallowedhisportion,whichtheattendanthadbroughthiminhisroom,andnotsatisfiedwiththis,hewentintothecommondining-room.



"MayIsithere?"heaskedthewarden."Haven'tyouhadyoursupperyet?"thelatteraskedashedishedoutextraportionsofporridge."Iamveryhungry.Besides,Ihavetokeepmystrengthup.Foodismyonlysupport;Idon'tsleepatall,youknow.""Mydearman,you'rewelcometoit.Taras,givehimaspoonandsomebread."Hesatdownbeforeoneofthecommonbowlsandateavastquantityofporridge."That'lldo,now,that'lldo,"thewardensaidatlength,whenallhadfinishedsupperwhileourpatientwasstillsittingoverhisbowl,eatingoutofitwithonehand,whiletheotherheheldclutchedtohisbreast."You'llovereatyourself.""Ah,ifyouonlyknewwhatalotofstrengthIneed!Good-bye,NikolaiNikolayevich,"thepatientsaid,gettingupfromthetableandwringingthewarden'shand."Farewell.""Whereareyouoffto?"thewardensaidwithasmile."I?Nowhere.Iamstayinghere.Buttomorrow,perhaps,weshallseeeachothernomore.Thankyouforallyourkindness."Andhegrippedthewarden'shandoncemore.Hisvoiceshookandthereweretearsinhiseyes."Now,don'tupsetyourself,mydear,"saidthewarden."Whythesegloomythoughts?Goandliedownandhaveagoodsleep.Yououghttosleepmore;ifyousleepwell,you'llgetwellquickly."Thepatientwassobbing.Thewardenturnedawayandtoldtheattendantstohurryupandclearthetable.Withinhalfanhoureveryoneinthehospitalwasasleep

-allexceptoneman,wholayfullydressedonhisbedinthecornerroom.Hewasshiveringasifwiththefever,clutchingconvulsivelyathisbreast,which,soitseemedtohim,wasimpregnatedwithadreadanddeadlypoison.

V

Hedidnotsleepallnight.Hehadpluckedthatflowerbecauseheregardedtheactasadeedofvalourwhichhewasobligedtoperform.Thescarletpetalshadattractedhisattentionthemomenthehadlookedthroughtheglassdoor,anditseemedtohimthatitwasfromthatverymomentthathehadcomeatlasttorealizewhathistaskwasinthisworld.Alltheworld'sevilwasconcentratedinthatbrilliantscarletflower.Heknewthatopiumwasobtainedfromthepoppy;itwasperhapsthisthought,magnifiedinhismindtogrotesquedimensions,thathad

madehimcreatethatgrimfantasticspectre.Theflowerwastohimtheembodimentofallevil;ithadsoakedupalltheinnocentlyspiltblood(thatwaswhyitwassored),allthetears,andalltheanguishofhumanity.Itwasamysterious,sinistercreature,theoppositeofGod,Ahrimaninamodestinnocentguise.Ithadtobetornoutandslain.More,ithadtobeprevented,indying,fromspreadingitsevilthroughtheworld.Andthatiswhyhehadconcealeditinhisbosom.Hehopedthatbythemorningtheflowerwouldhavelostallitsmalignpower.Theevilthatwasinitwouldpassintohisbreast,hissoul,andthereitwouldeitherbeconqueredorwouldconquer-andthenhehimselfwouldperish,die,buthewoulddieanhonestfighter,thefirstfighterofmankind,becausenooneuptillthenhaddaredsingle-handedtograpplewithalltheeviloftheworld."Theyhavenotseenit.Ihave.HowcanIletitlive?Betterdeath."Andhelayfainting,exhaustedbytheunrealshadowystrugglethathewaswaging

.Inthemorningthedoctor'sassistantfoundhimalmosthalf-dead.Nevertheless,excitationpresentlygottheupperhand;hesprangfromhisbedandbegantorunaboutthehospitalagain,talkingtothepatientsandtohimselflouderandmorewildlythanever.Hewasnotallowedtogooutintothegarden.Seeingthathewaslosingweight,notsleeping,andwalkingaboutallthetime,thedoctororderedhimaninjectionofalargedoseofmorphium.Heofferednoresistance:fortunately,hiscrazythoughtsatthetimehappenedtofitinwiththisoperation.Hesoonfellasleep;thefrenziedmovementceased,andtheloudmaddeningtuneproducedbythetime-beatofhisquicknervousstepsdiedoutofhisears.Hedroppedoffandnolongerthoughtofanything,notevenofthesecondflowertha



tremainedtobeplucked.Hepluckeditthreedayslaterundertheeyeoftheolddoor-keeperandbeforethelattercouldpreventhim.Thedoor-keeperranafterhim.Thepatientranintothehospitalwithatriumphantyellanddashedintohisroomwherehehidtheflowerinhisbosom."Whydoyouplucktheflowers?"demandedthedoorkeeper,runninginafterhim.Butthepatient,whowasnowlyingonhisbedwithhisarmsfoldedonhischestinhiscustomarypose,begantotalksuchnonsensethatthedoorkeeper,sayingnothingmore,tookoffhisheadthecapwiththeredcrosswhichhehadforgotteninhisprecipitateflight,andwentaway.Andthephantomstrugglebeganagain.Thesickmanfelttheevilgushingfromtheflowerinlong,wriggling,snake-likejets;theywrappedthemselvesaroundhim,squeezedandcrushedhislimbs,sunktheirdeadlyvenomintohim.BetweencursesdirectedagainsthisenemyheweptandprayedtoGod.Bytheeveningtheflowerhadwithered.Thesickmantrampledontheblackenedplant,pickedtheremnantsofitupfromthefloorandcarriedthemintothebath-room.Hethrewthesquashedshapelessscrapsontotheblazingcoalsofthestove,andstoodforalongtimewatchinghisenemyhissandshriveluntilhehadturnedatlastintoasoftlittleheapofsnow-whiteashes.Heblewatit,anditalldisappeared.Thenextdaythepatientwasworse.Deathlypaleandhaggard,withglitteringeyessunkdeepintheirsockets,hecontinuedhisviolentpacingwithareelingstumblinggaitandtalkedandtalkedwithoutastop."Ishouldnotliketoresorttoforce,"theheadphysiciantoldhisassistant."Butthisactivitymustbestopped.Todayhisweightisninety-threepounds.Att

hisratehewon'tlastmorethantwodays."Thephysicianbecamelostinthought."Morphine?Chloral?"hesaidhalf-questioningly."Themorphinedidn'tworkyesterday.""Havehimbound.Idoubt,though,whetherhewillsurvive."

VI

Thepatientwasbound.Helayonhisbedinastraitjacket,tightlystrappeddowntotheironcross-piecesofthebedsteadwithbroadstripsofcanvas.Butthefuriousactivity,ifanything,increasedratherthanabated.Hestruggledhardforhourstofreehimselffromhisfetters.Atlast,withaviolentwrench,hetoreoneofthebands,andfreedhisleg,then,slippingoutfromundertherest,

begantopacetheroomwitharmsbound,shoutingoutwildunintelligiblespeeches."Dazemyeyes!"criedthedoor-keepercomingin."Thedevilsmustha'beenhelpingyou!Gritsko!Ivan!Quick,he'sgotloose."Thethreeofthemfelluponthepatient,andtherebeganalongstruggle,atiringonefortheattackers,andanagonizingonefortheattacked,whospentthelastofhisexhaustedstrength.Atlasthewasovercome,andbounddowntohisbedmoresecurelythanever."Youdon'tunderstandwhatyouaredoing!"thesickmanpanted."Youareperishing!Isawathird,justbeginningtoblossom.It'sreadynow.Letmefinishmywork!Ihavetokillit!Killit!Thenitwillallbeover,everythingwillbesaved.Iwouldsendyou,butthisisathingIcanonlydomyself.Youwoulddiefromthemeretouch."

"Keepquiet,sir!"saidtheolddoor-keeper,whowaslefttowatchathisbedside.Thepatientsuddenlyfellsilent.Hehaddecidedtotrickhiskeepers.Hewaskepttieddownalldayandleftinthatpositionforthenight.Aftergivinghimhissupper,thecaretakermadehisbedonthefloornearthepatient'scotandlaydown.Inaminutehewasfastasleep,andthepatientfelltoworkagain.Hetwistedhiswholebodyovertoreachtheironbarthatranlengthwisedownthebedstead,andfeelingforitwithhiswrist,whichwasconcealedinthelongsleeveofthestraitjacket,hebegantorubthesleevehardagainsttheironbar.Induecoursethethickcanvasgavewayandhefreedhisforefinger.Aftertha



tthingswentfaster.Withadexterityandsupplenessthatwouldhavebeenincredibleinahealthyman,heuntiedtheknotbehindhisbackwhichpinionedthesleeves,andunlacedthejacket,afterwhichhesatforalongtimelisteningtothesnoresofthecaretaker.Buttheoldmansleptsoundly.Thepatienttookoffthestraitjacketanduntiedthebandsthatstrappedhimtothebed.Hewasnowfree.Hetriedthedoor;itwaslockedfromtheinside,andthekey,nodoubt,layinthecaretaker'spocket.Hedidnotdaretosearchhispocketsforfearofwakeninghim,sohedecidedtogooutthroughthewindow.Thenightwasstill,warm,anddark;thewindowwasopen;starsshoneintheblacksky.Helookedatthem,distinguishingfamiliarconstellationsandfeelinggladthattheyseemedtounderstandhimandsympathizewithhim.Narrowinghiseyes,hesawtheendlessrayswhichtheysenthim,andhismadresolvewasstrengthened.Thethingwastobendasideoneofthethickrodsonthebarredwindow,crawlthroughthenarrowopeningintothearea,andclimboverthehighstonewall.Therehewouldfighthislastbattle,andafterthat-deathmightcomeforallhecared.Hetriedtobendthethickbarwithhisbarehands,buttheironrefusedtoyield.Thenhetwistedthestrongsleevesofthestraitjacketintoarope,hitchedittothespearheadhammeredoutatthebottomofthebar,andthrewhiswholeweightuponit.Afterdesperateefforts,whichalmostexhaustedhislastremainingstrength,therodbent,offeringanarrowopening.Hesqueezedhimselfthroughit,grazingtheskinofhisshoulders,elbowsandknees,creptthroughthebushesandstoppedbeforethewall.Allwasquiet.Thewindowsofthegreatbuildingweredimlylitupbythenightlamps.Therewasnotasoulabout.Noonehadno

ticedhim;theoldmansettowatchathisbedsidewasprobablyfastasleep.Thestarstwinkledkindlyandtheirrayswentstraighttohisheart."Iamcoming,"hewhispered,gazingatthesky.Athisfirstattempthelosthisfooting,andwithbrokenfinger-nailsandbleedinghandsandknees,hebegantoseekamoreconvenientspot.Atapointwherethegardenwalljoinedthewallofthemortuaryseveralbricksweremissing.Thepatientfoundtheseholesinthewallandusedthemforafoothold.Heclimbedupthewall,seizedthebranchofanelmgrowingontheotherside,andquietlyloweredhimselftothegroundbymeansofthetreetrunk.Herushedtothefamiliarspotnearthedoorstep.Theflower,adarklittlepatchwithfoldedpetals,stoodoutclearlyinthedewygrass."Thelast!"whisperedthepatient."Thelast!Todayvictoryordeath.Butthatdoesnotmatteranymore.Wait,"hesaid,lookingupatthesky,"Ishallbewith

yousoon."Hepulledouttheplant,crushedit,squashedit,andclutchingitinhishand,returnedtohisroomthewayhehadcome.Theoldmanwassleeping.Thepatientdroppedsenselessonhisbedthemomenthereachedit.Inthemorninghewasfounddead.Hisfacewascalmandserene;theemaciatedfeatureswiththethinlipsandclosedsunkeneyesexpressedakindofproudelation.Whenhewasplacedonthestretchertheytriedtounclenchhishandtotakethecrimsonflowerout,buthishandhadstiffenedindeath,andhecarriedhistrophyawaywithhimtothegrave.

1883

THETALEOFTHETOADANDTHEROSE

Oncetherelivedaroseandatoad.Thebushonwhichtheroseblossomedgrewinasmallsemicirculargardeninfrontofacountrycottage.Thegardenwassadlyneglected;rankweedsgrewovertheoldsunkenflower-bedsandthegardenwalks,anditwaslongsinceanyonehadsweptthemorsprinkledsandoverthem.Thewoodenfencewithrailingsfashionedintheshapeofspikelets,whichhadoncebeenpaintedgreen,hadcrackedandcrumbled,andthepainthadallpeeledoff;th



erailingshadbeenpulledoutbythevillageboystoplaysoldierswith,andbypeasantscomingtothehouse,whousedthemtofightofftheangrymongrelandtheotherdogswhokepthimcompany.Buttheflower-gardenwasnonetheworseforthisdamage.Theremainsofthefencewereentwinedwithhops,largewhite-floweredbindweedandmouse-earchickweed,whichhungupontheminpale-greenclustersofpale-lilacflowersscatteredhereandthere.Thepricklythistlesgrewtosuchasizeontherichmoistsoil(allaroundtheflower-gardenwasalargeshadyorchard)thattheylookedalmostliketrees.Theyellowmothmulleinsrearedtheirfloweryspikesstillhigher.Thenettlesoccupiedaprettylargecorneroftheflower-garden;theystung,ofcourse,butthenonecouldadmiretheirdarkfoliagefromadistance,especiallywhenitmadeabackgroundforthepalebeautyofthedelicaterosepetals.TheroseblossomedonefineMaymorning;whenitopenedoutitspetalsthefleeingmorningdewleftseveralbrightteardropsuponthem.Itseemedasiftherosewasweeping.Buttheworldaroundherwassobeautiful,soclearandsunnyonthatlovelymorningwhenfirstshesawthebluesky,andfeltthefreshmorningbreeze,andthebeamsoftheradiantsunshonethroughherdelicatepetalswitharosylight;anditwassoquietandpeacefulintheflower-garden,thatifshecouldhavewept,shewouldhavedoneso,notthroughsadnessbutthroughthesheerjoyofliving.Shecouldnotspeak;allshecoulddowastonodherdaintyheadandspreadaroundheradelicatefragrance,andinthatfragrancewasherspeech,hertears,andherprayer.Meanwhile,betweentherootsofthebushonthedampgroundbelow-asifclingingtoitonhisflatstomach-satafairlyfatoldtoad,who,afterhavinghuntedw

ormsandmidgesallnight,hadsatdowntowardsthemorningtorestfromhislabours,choosingforthepurposeanicedampandshadyspot.Hesatwithhoodedeyesandyoucouldhardlytellthathewasbreathing;hisdingy-grey,warty,stickysidesworkedlikebellows,andoneuglywebbedfootstuckoutononeside-hewastoolazytodrawitinunderhisbelly.Hefoundnopleasureinthemorning,thesunshineorthefineweather;hehadeatenhisfillandwasgoingtohaveanap.Butwhenthebreezedroppedforamomentandthescentoftherosewasnotwaftedaway,thetoadsmeltit,andfeltvaguelyuneasy.Foralongtime,however,hewastoolazytolookwherethesmellcamefrom.Itwaslongsinceanyonehadvisitedtheflower-gardenwheretherosegrewandthetoadsat.Ithadbeenintheautumnofthepreviousyear,justonthedaywhenthetoadhadfoundaniceholeforhimselfunderoneofthestonesofthehous

e'sfoundationandwasabouttocrawlinthereforhislongwintersleep,thatthelittleboy,whohadbeensittinginthegardeneverysunnydayallthroughthesummer,hadlastbeenthere.Hehadsatunderthewindow,whilehissister,agrown-upgirl,hadsatnexttohimreadingabookordoingsomesewing,andglancingoccasionallyatherbrother.Hewasalittleboyofsevenwithbigeyesandalargeheadonathinbody.Hewasveryfondofhisflower-garden(itwashisbecausehardlyanyoneelseeverwentintothatdesolatespot),andwhenhecametherehewouldsitdowninthesunonanoldwoodenbench,standinginadrysandypathrightnearthehouse-thepathhadsurvivedbecauseitwasusedforreachingtheshutterswhentheyhadtobeclosed-andwouldstartreadingabookwhichhehadbroughtwithhim."Wouldyoulikemetothrowyoutheball,Vasya?"hissisterhadaskedhimfromthewindow."Don'tyouwanttorunaboutandplaywithit?"

"No,Masha,I'drathersitwithabook."Andhewouldsitthereforalongtime,reading.WhenhegottiredofreadingaboutRobinsonCrusoes,andsavagelands,andseapirates,hewouldleavetheopenbookandmakehiswayintotheheartoftheflower-garden.Herehekneweverybushandalmosteverystalk.Hesquatteddowninfrontofthethickstemofthemothmullein,whichwassurroundedwithhairywhitishleaves,andwastwiceastallashe,andwatchedthelittleantpeoplerunningupittomilktheircows-theplantlice;theantwoulddelicatelytouchthethinlittletubesstickingupontheirbacksandcollectthetinydropsofsweetclearfluidthatappearedattheendsofthetubes.Hewatchedthedung-beetlebusilystrugglingalongwithhis



ball,thespiderspreadinghiscunningrainbow-huednetandlyinginwaitforafly,andtheflat-nosedlizardbaskinginthesunwithopenmouth,thegreencorseletsonitsbackgleaming;andonce,towardstheevening,hehadseenareallivehedgehog!Hehadscarcelybeenabletocontainhimselffromcryingoutandclappinghishandsforsheetjoy;afraidtoscarethepricklylittlebeast,hehadsatthereholdinghisbreath,hishappyeyeswideandshining,gazingrapturouslyatitasitsnortedandsniffedattherootsoftherosebushwithitslittlepig'ssnout,lookingforworms,andworkingitsfatbear-likelittlepawsinafunnyway."Vasya,you'dbettercomein,darling,it'sgettingdamp,"hissisterhadcalled.Frightenedbythehumanvoice,thehedgehoghadquicklydrawnhiscoatofquillsoverhisheadandhindpawsandrolledhimselfupintoaball.Theboytouchedthespinesgingerly;thelittlebeasthadshrunksmallerandstartedpuffingrapidlylikealittlesteam-engine.Afterwardshehadimprovedhisacquaintancewiththathedgehog.Hewassuchafrail,quiet,gentlelittleboythateventhesmallestofcreaturesseemedtounderstanditandtooktohimquickly.Howgladhewaswhenthehedgehogtastedthemilkwhichthemasterofthegardenhadbroughthiminasaucer!Thisspringtheboywasunabletocomeouttohisfavouritespot.Hissisterstillsatbyhim,thistimenotatthewindow,butathisbedside;shewasreadingabook,butnotforherself;shewasreadingitoutloudtohim,becauseitwashardforhimtolifthisheadfromthewhitepillows,hardforhimtoholdeventhesmallestofbooksinhiswastedhands,nottomentionthathiseyesquickly

grewtiredfromreading.Itlookedasifhewouldnevergoouttohisfavouritespotanymore."Masha!"hesuddenlywhisperedtohissister."Yes,darling?""It'sniceinthegardennow,isn'tit?Havetherosesblossomed?"Hissisterleanedoverandkissedhispalecheek,furtivelywipingawayatear."Itisnice,dear,verynice.Andtheroseshaveblossomedtoo.WeshallgoouttheretogetheronMonday.Thedoctorwillallowyoutogoout."Theboydidnotanswer,anddrewadeepsigh.Hissisterbeganreadingtohimagain."Thatwilldo.Iamtired.Iwanttosleep."Hissisterstraightenedhispillowsandthewhitecoverlet,andheturnedoverwithdifficultytowardsthewall.Thesunshonethroughthewindow,whichlooked

outontheflower-garden,andthrewitsbrightbeamsuponthebedandthelittlefigurethatlayonit,lightingupthepillowsandthecoverletandgildingtheshort-cuthairandthinneckofthechild.Theroseknewnothingofthis;shegrewthereoutsideinallhersplendour;thenextdayshewastoopenoutinfullblossom,andthedayafterthatshewouldbegintofadeandshedherpetals.Thatwasallarose'sspan!Butshortthoughitwas,ithaditsfullmeasureoffearandsorrow.Thetoadhadseenher.Whenhesawtheflowerforthefirsttimewithhiswickeduglyeyes,somethingstrangestirredwithinhim.Hecouldnottearhimselfawayfromthetenderpinkpetals,andhekeptstaringandstaring.Hetookafancytotheroseandfeltadesiretocomeclosertothatfragrantandbeautifulcreature.Andtoexpresshistenderfeelings,hecouldthinkofnothingbettertosaythanthesewords:

"Youwait,"hecroaked,"I'llgobbleyouup!"Theroseshuddered.Whywasshefixedtoherstem?Thefreebirdstwitteredaroundher,flutteringandhoppingfromtwigtotwig;sometimestheyflewfaraway,nooneknewwhere.Thebutterflies,too,werefree.Howsheenviedthem!Ifshewerelikeoneofthem,shewouldtakewingandfleethewickedeyesthatpursuedherwiththeirstaringlook.Theroseknewnotthattoadssometimeshuntbutterfliestoo."I'llgobbleyouup!"thetoadrepeated,movingclosertotherose.Hetriedtospeakinassweetavoiceashecould,buttheeffectwasmoresinisterthanever.



"I'llgobbleyouup!"herepeated,staringallthetimeattheflower.Thepoorthingwatchedwithhorrorasthenastystickypawsclutchedthebranchesofthebushonwhichshewasgrowing.Butitwashardforthetoadtoclimb:hisflatbodycouldonlycrawlandhopaboutonlevelground.Aftereachattempthelookedupatthenoddingswayingflower,andthepoorrosehadherheartinhermouth."GoodGod!"sheprayed,"anyotherdeathbutthis!"Meanwhilethetoadkeptclamberingup.Butatthepointwheretheoldstalksendedandtheyoungtwigsbeganhehadratherabadtimeofit.Thesmoothdarkgreenbarkoftherosebushwasstuddedwithhardsharpthorns.Thetoadprickedallhisfeetandhisbellyonthem,andfellbleedingtotheground.Heglaredattheblossomwithhatred."IsaidIwouldgobbleyouup,andIwill!"herepeated.Eveningsetin;itwastimetothinkofsupper,andsothewoundedtoadslunkawaytocatchtheinsectsnapping.Ragedidnotpreventhimfromstuffinghisbellyasfullashealwaysdid;hisinjurieswerenotseriousandhedecided,afterhavinghadarest,totryandreachthatfascinatingandhatefulfloweragain.Hetookafairlylongrest.Morningcame,thennoon,andtherosehadalmostforgottenherenemy.Shehadopenedouttothefullnowandwasthemostbeautifulcreationintheflower-garden.Therewasnobodytocomeandadmireher,though:theyoungmasterlayhelplessinhislittlebed,andhissisterdidnotleavehissideorgoovertothewindow.Onlythebirdsandthebutterfliesflutteredaroundtheroseandthebuzzingbeessometimesalightedonheropencorollaandflewoutcoveredwiththeyellowpollen,whichgavethemquiteashaggylook.Anightingaleflewintotherosebushandbegantosinghissong.Howunlikethecroakingofthetoaditwas!Theroselistenedtothesongandwashappy.Shethoug

htthenightingalewassingingforher,andperhapshereallywas.Shedidnotnoticeherenemy,whowascreepingstealthilyupthebranches.Thistimethetoadsparedneitherpawsnorbelly;coveredwithblood,hecrawleddoggedlyupandup-and,allofasudden,amidthesweettendernotesofthenightingale,sheheardthefamiliarhideouscroaking:"IsaidIwouldgobbleyouup,andIwill!"Thetoadglaredatherfromanear-bytwig.Thewickedcreaturehadonlytomakeasinglemovementinordertoseizetheflower.Theroserealizedthatshewaslost....

Thelittlemasterhadbeenlyingstillforquiteatime.Sittinginachairbyhisbedside,hissisterthoughtthathewasasleep.Inherlaplayanopenbook,butshewasnotreadingit.Littlebylittleherwearyheaddrooped:thepoorgi

rlhadbeensittingupwithhersickbrotherforseveralnights,andnowfellintoalightdoze."Masha,"theboysuddenlywhispered.Hissisterstarted.Shehadbeendreamingthatshewassittingbythewindow,andherlittlebrotherwasplayinginthegarden,liketheyearbefore,andwascallingher.Sheopenedhereyes,andseeinghiminbed,emaciatedandweak,shedrewadeepsigh."Whatisit,darling?""Masha,youtoldmetheroseswereblossoming!MayI...haveone?""Ofcourseyoumay,darling!"Shewentuptothewindowandlookedatthebush.Asinglebutgorgeousrosewasgrowingonit."Arosehasblossomedjustforyou,andsuchalovelyone!I'llputitherenexttoyourbedinaglassofwater,shallI?"

"Yes,do.I'dlikeit."Thegirltookascissorsandwentoutintothegarden.Shehadnotbeenoutofdoorsforalongtime;thesundazzledher,andthefreshairmadeherslightlydizzy.Shewentuptothebushattheverymomentwhenthetoadwasmakingreadytoseizetherose."Oh,whatahorridthing!"shecried,andseizingthetwig,shegaveitahardshake.Thetoaddroppedoffandhisbellyhitthegroundwithasmack.Inafitofragehetriedtojumpatthegirl,buthecouldjumpnohigherthanthehemofherdress,andwaskickedfaraway.Hedidnotdaretotryagainafterthat,andcoulddonothingbutwatchthegirlfromasafedistance.Carefullyshecutth



eflowerandtookitintotheroom.Whentheboysawhissisterwiththeflowerinherhandhesmiledfeeblyforthefirsttimeinmanyweeks,and,withaneffort,madeamovementwithhisemaciatedhand."Letmehaveit,"hewhispered."Iwanttosmellit."Hissisterlaidthestalkinhishandandhelpedhimtomoveituptohisface.Hedrankinthesweetfragrance,andsmiledhappily,whispering,"Ah,howlovely!..."Thenhislittlefacegrewsetandgrave,andhefellsilentforever.Althoughshehadbeencutbeforeshebegantoshedherpetals,therosefeltthatshehadnotbeencutinvain.Shewasplacedinaglassallbyherselfattheheadofthelittlecoffin.Therewerewholebouquetsthereofotherflowers,but,totellthetruth,nooneevenlookedatthem.Notsowiththerose.Whentheyounggirlplaceditonthetablesheraisedittoherlipsandkissedit.Ateardroprolleddownhercheekontotheflower,andthatwasthebestthingthathadeverhappenedtotheroseinallherlife.Whenshebegantofadeshewaslaidbetweentheleavesofathickoldbookanddried,andthen,manyyearsafterwards,shewasgiventome.ThatishowIknowthestory.

1884

NADEZHDANIKOLAYEVNA

I

Ihadlongbeenwantingtostartadiary.Ihaveaspecialreasonfortakingupmypen.Somewritetheirmemoirsbecausetheyareofconsiderablehistoricalinterest;somebecausetheywishtorecapturethehappydaysoftheiryouth;othersforthesakeofgossipingandblackeningpeoplelongsincedeadanddefendingthemselvesagainstaccusationslongsinceforgotten.Ihavenoneofthesereasons.Iamstillayoungman,whohasnotmadehistorynorseenitmade;Ihavenoreasontoblackenpeople,andnoreasonwhatevertodefendmyself.Torecapturepasthappiness?Itwassoshort-livedandtheendsofrightful,thatthememoryofitisanythingbutpleasant.Whythendoesasecretvoicewhisperitintomyear,why,whenIwakeupinthe

night,dofamiliarscenesandvisionspassbeforemeinthedarkness,andwhy,whenonepaleimagerisesbeforeme,domyfaceflameandmyhandsclench,andterrorandrageclutchatmythroat,astheydidthatdaywhenIstoodfacetofacewithmymortalenemy?Icannotridmyselfofthesehauntingmemories,andanoddthoughthasoccurredtome.Perhaps,ifIputthemdownonpaper,Ishallbefinishedwiththem;perhapstheywillhauntmenolonger,andwillletmedieinpeace.Thatisthespecialreasonthatmakesmetakeupmypen.Perhapssomeonewillreadthisdiary,perhapsnot.Itisimmaterialtome.Therefore,Ineednotapologizetomyfuturereaderseitherformychoiceofsubject,whichcannothavetheslightestinterestforpeopleaccustomedtodealingwithsocial,ifnotworld,problems,orfortheforminwhichmywritingsaresetforth.True,Ishouldliketheselinestobereadbyoneperson,butthatpersonwillnotblameme.Everythingthathasto

dowithmeisdeartoher.Thatpersonismycousin.Whatiskeepinghersolongtoday?ItisthreemonthsnowsinceIcametomyselfafterthatday.ThefirstfacethatIsawwasSonya's.Eversincethenshehasbeenspendingeveryeveningwithme.Ithasbecomewithherakindofservice.ShesitsatmybedsideornearthegreateasychairwhenIfeelstrongenoughtositinit,andtalkstome,readsnewspapersandbookstome.Itgrieveshertoseemesoindifferenttothechoiceofreadingmatter,whichIleavetoher."HereisanewnovelintheVestnikYevropy,Andrei.""Verywell,dear,let'shaveit....""It'sbyaMrs.Gay."



"Allright___"AndshestartsonaramblingtaleaboutaMr.ScrippleandaMissGordon,andafterthefirsttwopagesturnsherbigkindeyesuponmeandsays."Itisn'tlong;thismagazinealwayscondensesitsnovels.""Allright.I'mlistening."Shegoesonreadingthecircumstantialstory,inventedbyMrs.Gay,whileIgazeatherloweredface,mythoughtselsewhere.Andsometimes,atthoseplacesinthebookwhereMrs.Gaywantsyoutolaugh,Ifeelbittertearschokingmythroat.Mycousinlaysthebookaside,looksatmewithasearchinganxiousglance,andputsherhandonmyforehead."Oh,Andrei,darling,again....Come,come.Don'tcry.Itwillallpass,youwillforgetit,"shesaysinthetonewithwhichamothercomfortsachildwhohasgotabumponitsforeheadfromfallingdown.Andalthoughmybumpwillpassonlywithlifeitself,which-Ifeel-isslowlyebbingfrommybody,Iamneverthelesscomforted.Ah,mydear,dearcousin!HowIappreciatethiswomanlytenderness!Godblessyou,andmaythedarkpagesofyourlife-pagesuponwhichmynameiswritten-giveplacetoajoyoustaleofhappiness!OnlyIhopethattalewillnotresemblethetiresomenarrativeofMrs.Gay.Thebell!Atlast!Itisshe;shewillcomeandbringwithherintomydarkstuffyroomthesmelloffreshness,shewillbreakitssilencewithherlowsweetvoiceandlightitupwithherloveliness.

II

Idonotremembermymother,butmyfatherdiedwhenIwasfourteen.Myguardian,adistantrelative,hadmetransferredtoahighschoolinSt.Petersburg,fromwhichIgraduatedinfouryears.Iwasabsolutelyfree;myguardianwasabusymanoccupiedwithhisvastaffairs,andhiscaresformedidnotgobeyondprovidingmewithmoney,sufficient,inhisopinion,tokeepmeoutofpoverty.Itwasnotalargeallowance,butquiteenoughtokeepthewolffromthedoorandenablemetochoosemyowncareer.Thechoicehadbeenmadelongago.AttheageoffourIhadlikednothingsowellastomessaboutwithpencilsandpaint,andbythetimeIhadfinishedschoolIcouldpaintfairlywell,andhadnodifficultywhateverinenteringtheAcademyofArts.WasItalented?NowthatIshallnevertouchcanvasagain,IthinkImaylookup

onmyselfasanartistwithanimpartialeye.Yes,Iwastalented.Ithinksonotbecausethatwastheopinionofmycolleaguesandexperts,notbecauseoftherapiditywithwhichIfinishedtheacademy,butbecauseofthepeculiarfeelingthatstirredinmeeverytimeIsatdowntobeginwork.Noonewhoisnotanartistcanexperiencethatsweetandpainfulemotionthatgripsyouwhenyoufirstapproachanewcanvastolimnyourcreationuponit.Noonewhoisnotanartistcanexperiencethatutterforgetfulnessofeverythingaroundyou,whenyourspiritissunkinimages....Yes,Iwastalented,andwouldhavemadenoordinarypainter.Theretheyare-mypaintings,sketchesandstudies,myfinishedandunfinishedpictures-hangingonthewalls.Andtheresheis....Imustaskmycousintohaveitputawayinanotherroom.Butno,Ioughttohaveithungupatthefootofmybedsothatshecanalwayslookatmewiththatsaddoom-hauntedgazeofher

s.Inthatbluedressandprettywhitecapwiththelargetricolouredcockadeattheside,andwiththosethickrebellioustressesofdarkauburnhairescapingfromunderitswhitefrills,shelookedatmeasifshewerealive.Oh,Charlotte,Charlotte!ShouldIblessorshouldIcursethehourwhentheideaofpaintingyouoccurredtome?Bessonov,mindyou,hadalwaysbeenagainstit.WhenIhadfirstmentionedittohim,hehadshruggedhisshouldersandsmiledironically."YouRussianpaintersareacrazylot,"hesaid."Haven'tweenoughsubjectsofourown!CharlotteCorday!Whatisshetoyou?Howcanyoupossiblyenvisagethatperiod,thatsetting?"



Perhapshewasright.ButtheimageofthatFrenchheroinehadgrippedmyimaginationsostronglythatIcouldnothelppaintingher.Iplannedtodoherfulllength,standingallalonestraightinfrontofthespectator,witheyesgazingoutbeforeher;shehadalreadymadeuphermindtoperformherheroiccrime,andthisdecisionwaswrittenonlyuponherface,forthehandthatwastodealthefatalblowstillhungnerveless,lookingwhiteandtenderagainstthedarkbluewoollendress;alacepelerinetiedcrosswisesetoffthesoftneck,uponwhichthemorrowwouldtraceabloodyline....Irememberhowherimagehadariseninmymind.Ihadreadherstoryinasentimentaland,perhaps,misleadingbookbyLamartine.ThroughthefalsepathosofthisgarrulousandflamboyantFrenchmanIhadobtainedaclearanddistinctvisionofthegirl,thefanaticchampionofgood.IreadeverythingaboutherthatIcouldgetholdof,sawseveralportraitsofher,anddecidedtopaintapicture.Aman'sfirstpicture,likehisfirstlove,takesfullpossessionofhissoul.Icarriedthenowcompletedimageofherwithinme,Ihadthoughtoveralltheminutestdetails,andfinallyreachedapointwhenIcouldconjureupatwillwithclosedeyesthecompleteCharlotte.But,startingthepictureasIdidwithtremulousjoyandexcitement,Iwasimmediatelyconfrontedbyanunexpectedandalmostinsuperableobstacle:Ihadnomodeltoposeforme.Strictlyspeaking,ofcourse,thereweremodels.IselectedwhatIthoughttobethemostsuitablecandidateoutofseveralofthosewhofollowedthisvocationinSt.Petersburg,andfelleagerlytowork.But,myGod,howunlikethecherishedvisionthatrosesovividlybeforemyclosedeyeswasthisAnnaIvanovnaofm

ine!Shewasanexcellentsitter,whodidnotstirforanhouronend;sheearnedherrubleconscientiously,andderivednolittlesatisfactionfromthefactthatshewasabletoposeinherdresswithoutexposingherbody."Isn'titwonderfultoposeinyourdress!Somemenstareatyouso,searchyoualloverwiththeireyes...."shehadtoldmewithasighatourfirstsitting,atingeofcoloursuffusingherface.Itwasonlyacoupleofmonthssinceshehadbecomeamodel,andshestillcouldnotgetusedtohervocation.Russiangirls,Ithink,nevercan.Ididherhands,andshoulders,andherfigure,butwhenIstartedonherfaceIwasindespair.Theplumpyoungfacewithitsslightlyturned-upnose,andkindlylittlegreyeyesthatlookedoutconfidinglyandratherpatheticallyfromunderperfectlyroundeyebrows,completelyscreenedfrommetheimageofmydreams.Icouldnottransferthosesmallindeterminatefeaturestothatotherface.Is

truggledwithmymodelforthreeorfourdays,thenfinallyleftheralone.Therewasnoothermodel,soIdecidedtodoathingIreallyshouldnothavedone:topaintthefaceinimagination,to"makeitup."ThereasonIdecidedtodothiswasbecauseIsawmyheroineinmymind'seyeasclearlyasifsheweresittingbeforemeintheflesh.ButwhenIstartedwork,Iflungmybrushesaway.InsteadofalivingfaceIachievedablanksketchinessthatlackedfleshandblood.Itookthecanvasofftheeaselandputitinacornerfacingthewall.Thefailurewasastunningblowtome.Itseemedtomethatafterhavingconceivedsuchabeautifulpicture(itwasreallybeautifulinmyimagination)andnotbeingabletopaintitlifewasnotworthliving.Iflungmyselfdownonmybedandtriedtodrownmysorrowandvexationinsleep.IrememberaringatthedoorjustasIwasdozingoff.Itwasthepostmanwith

aletterfrommycousinSonya.ShewasdelightedtohearthatIwasgoingtodoabiganddifficultwork,andsorrythatitwassohardtofindamodel."ShallIbeofanyusewhenIhavegraduatedfromtheinstitute?Waitanothersixmonths,Andrei,"shewrote,"I'lljoinyouinSt.PetersburgandyouwillbeabletopainttenCharlotteCordaysfrommeifyoulike...thatis,ifIbeartheslightestresemblancetotheone,who,asyouwrite,nowreignsinyourheart."SonyaisquiteunlikeCharlotte.Sheisincapableofinflictingwounds.Shemuchprefershealingthem,anddoesthatwonderfully.Shewouldhealme,too...ifthatwereonlypossible.



Ill

IntheeveningIwenttoseeBessonov.Ifoundhimbentoverhiswriting-desk,whichwaslitteredwithbooks,manuscriptsandpresscuttings.Hishandmovedswiftlyoverthepaper:hewroteveryfast,inaneatfloridhandwithoutanycrossingsout.Heglancedupatmeandwentonwriting;apparentlyhewasdeeplyengrossedinsomethoughtatthemomentanddidnotwanttotearhimselfawayfromhisworkuntilhehadcommittedittopaper.Isatdownonthelow,wideandveryshabbysofa(hesleptonit)standingintheshadows,andlookedathimforfullyfiveminutes.Hisclear-cutcoldprofilewasveryfamiliartome:Ihadoftendrawnitinmysketch-book,andonceevenpaintedasketchofit.Ihaven'tgotthatsketch:hesentittohismother.Thatevening,however,perhapsbecauseIwassittinginshadowandhewaswelllitupbythebrightflameofthelampunderagreenglassshade,orbecausemynerveswereunstrung,hisfacelookedoddlyarresting.Ilookedathimandstudiedhisheadindetail,examiningeverytinyfeaturethathadsofareludedme.Itwas,withoutadoubt,theheadofastrongman.Perhapsanotverytalentedone,(butcertainlyastrongone.Asquareskull,passingdownatthebackalmostwithoutacurveintoathickpowerfulneck;ahighbulgingforehead;eyebrowsdepressedinthemiddleandcreasingtheskininaverticalfold,strongjawsandthinlips-allthisstruckmetodaywithasenseofnewness."Whatareyoulookingatmelikethatfor?"hesuddenlyaskedme,layinghispendownandturningtowardsme.

"Howdidyouknow?""Ifeltit.Idon'tthinkit'simagination;Ihaveoftenexperiencedthingslikethatbefore.""Iwasstudyingyourfaceasamodel.Youhaveaverystrikinghead,SergeiVasilyevich.""Isthatso?"hesaidwithasmile."Nothingwrongwiththat,Ihope.""No,seriously.Youremindmeofsomeone...somefamousperson....""Crookormurderer?"hesaid,interruptingme."Anywaywhat'sthematter?Icantellbyyourfacethatsomethinghasgonewrong.Isitthepicture?""Wellyes,I'vechuckeditup,chuckeditupaltogether..."Isaiddespairingly."Ithoughtso.Youhaven'tgotthemodel,Isuppose?""No,no,andno.YouknowhowhardIhavebeenlookingforone,SergeiVasilyevi

ch.Butitisn'tthething.It'senoughtodriveamanmad.EspeciallythisAnnaIvanovna;shehasreducedmetothevergeofdistraction.Thatflatfaceofhershasblottedeverythingout.SometimesIeventhinktheimageitselfisnotsocleartomymindasitusedtobe.""Wasitclear?""Ohyes,perfectly!Ifonecouldpaintwithclosedeyesonecouldaskfornothingbetter,really.Withyoureyesshut,sheisrightthereinfrontofyou."Imusthavelookedludicrouswithmyeyesshuttight,becauseBessonovburstoutlaughing."It'snolaughingmatter,I'mveryupset,"Isaid.Hislaughterceasedabruptly."InthatcaseImustn'tlaugh.Ican'tmakeyouout,though.Didn'tItellyoutodropthatsubject?"

"Ihavedroppedit.""Allthatworkandnervousstrainfornothing,andnowthisworryontopofit!Iknewitwouldbelikethat.NotbecauseIforesawthatyouwouldn'tfindamodel,butbecausethesubjectisunsuitable.Ithastobeinyourblood.YouhavetobeadescendantofthosepeoplewholivedthroughbothMaratandCharlotteCorday,andthewholeofthosetimes.Andwhatareyou?ThemildestofRussianintellectuals,weakasalamb!Youmustbecapableofsuchadeedyourself.Andyou?Couldyouthrowawaythebrushifneedbe,and,toputitinhigh-flownlanguage,takeupthedagger?Why,youmightaswelltrytomakeajourneytoJupiter...."



"Ihavearguedthispointwithyoubefore,Bessonov,andneitherofus,itseems,hasbeenabletoconvincetheother.Ifyoucallyourselfanartistyou'vegottobeabletoputyourselfinsomeoneelse'splace.DidRaphaelhavetobetheVirgininordertopainthisMadonna?Why,it'sabsurd,Bessonov.ButIamcontradictingmyself:Idon'twanttoarguewithyou,yetI'mthefirsttostartarguing."Hewantedtosaysomething,butwavedhishandinsteadwithahopelessgesture."Haveityourway!"hesaid,gettingupandbeginningtopacetheroomfromcornertocorner,treadingsoftlyinhisfeltslippers."Don'tletusargue.Don'tletusturntheknifeinthewoundedheart,assomeonesaidsomewhere.""Idon'tthinkanyonesaiditanywhere.""Youmayberight.Iaminthehabitofmisquotingpoetry.Whataboutthesamovarforconsolation?It'sabouttime."Hewentuptothedoorandbawledlikeanofficeratcompanydrill:"Tea!"Idonotlikehimforthewayhetreatstheservants.Wesaidnothingforalongtime.Isatleaningbackagainstthecushionsofthesofa,whilehewentonpacingupanddown.Heseemedtobeturningsomethingoverinhismind.Atlengthhestoppedinfrontofmeandsaidinabusiness-liketone:"Ifyouhadthemodel,wouldyoutryagain?""Rather!"Isaiddejectedly."Butwherecanyougether?"Hetookanotherturnabouttheroom."Yousee,Lopatin....Thereisa...apersonIknow....""Ifshe'sapersonofimportance,shewon'tagreetopose.""She'snotimportant,anythingbutthat.But...thereisaveryimportant'bu

t'aboutit.""Butwhat'buts'cantherebe,Bessonov?Unlessyouarejoking?""Iamjoking,ofcourse.Itcan'tbedone....""SergeiVasilyevich..."Ibeganinapleadingtone."ListenwhatI'lltellyou.DoyouknowwhatIappreciateinyou?"hebegan,stoppinginfrontofme."YouandIareaboutthesameage-Iamabouttwoyearsyoursenior.ButIhavebeenthroughandexperiencedwhatitwillprobablytakeyouanothertenyearstogothrough.I'mnotacleanman,Iamdebauched"(heenunciatedtheworddistinctly)."TherearemanymenworsethanI,butIconsidermyselfmoreblameworthy.IhatemyselffornotbeingabletokeepascleanasIshouldliketo...ascleanasyou,forinstance.""Whatdebaucheryandcleannessareyoutalkingabout?"Iasked."Icallthingsbytheirrealnames.Ioftenenvyyouyourserenityandclearcon

science;Ienvywhatyouhave....But,nevermindthat!Itcan'tbedone!"heinterruptedhimselfangrily."Let'sdropthesubject.""Atleast,youcanexplainwhatitisorwhoitisIhave?"Isaid."Nothing....Nobody....Onsecondthoughts,though,I'lltellyou:yourcousin,SophiaMikhailovna.Sheisnotanearcousinofyours,isshe?""She'sasecondcousin,"Ianswered."Yes,asecondcousin.Sheisyourfiancee,"hesaidinapositivetone."Howdoyouknow?"Iexclaimed."Iknow.Iguessedatfirst,butnowIknow.Mymothertoldme,shewrotemeaboutitrecently.Somehow,shegottoknowherthere.Youknowhowitisinaprovincialtown,whereeverybodyknowsoneanother?It'strue,isn'tit?Sheisyourfiancee?""Whatifsheis?"

"Andsincechildhood?Yourparentsarrangedit?""Theydid.Ithoughtitajokeatfirst,butnowIseethatitlooksserious.Ididn'twantittobecomeknown,butI'mnotparticularlysorrythatyouhavefounditout.""Ienvyyouyourhavingafiancee,"hesaidinalowvoice,staringbeforehimandheavingapainfulsigh."Ineverthoughtyoucouldbesosentimental,Bessonov.""Yes,Ienvyyouyourfiancee,"heproceeded,ignoringmyinterruption."Ienvyyouyourcleanness,yourhopes,yourfuturehappiness,theunsquanderedaffectionandlovethathavebeengrowingfromchildhood."



Hetookmyhand,mademegetoffthesofaandledmeuptothelooking-glass."Lookatmeandlookatyourself,"hesaid."Why,youare

Hyperiontoasatyr.

Satyr-that'sme.YetI'mthestrongerman:myframeisbigger,andmyhealthisrobustbynature.Butjustcompare:doyouseethis?"(helightlytouchedthethinninghaironhisforehead)."Yes,sir,allthisis'theardourofthesoulwastedinthewilderness!'Ardourofthesoul,behanged!It'sjustswinishness.""Whataboutgoingbacktowherewewere,Bessonov?Whydon'tyouwanttoacquaintmewiththemodel?""Becauseshehashadahandinthiswastingofardour.Itoldyousheisanunimportantpersonandverymuchso.Infactshestandsonthelowestrungofthehumanladder.Belowthatliesanabyssintowhichshemaysoonfall.Theabyssofutterruin.Sheisutterlylostasitis.""IthinkIunderstandyou,Bessonov.""I'mgladyoudo.Nowyouseewhatmy'but'was?""Youcankeepittoyourself.Whydoyouconsiderityourdutytokeepwatchandwardoverme?""IhavetoldyouwhatIlikeyoufor.It'sforbeingclean.Notyoualone-thetwoofyou.Youarebothsuchararephenomenon:athingthatbreathesfreshnessandfragrance.Ienvyyou,andamgladthatIcanatleasttakeadetachedview.Andyouwantmetospoilthewholething?No,thereisnothingdoing.""Oh,come,thisisabitthick,Bessonov.Youmusthavelittlefaithintheclea

nnessyouhavefoundinmeifyouareafraidoftheawfulthingsamereacquaintancewiththiswomanwillleadto.""Lookhere.It'suptometoletyouhaveherornot.Iconsultmyownwishesinthismatter.Idon'twanttoletyouhaveher.AndI'mnotgoingto.Dm."NowhewassittingandIwaspacingthecarpetexcitedly."Youthinkshewouldbesuitable?""Rather.Onsecondthoughts,no,notvery,"hebrokeinsharply."She'squiteunsuitable.Butenoughofher."Ipleaded,lostmytemper,triedtoprovetohimtheabsurdityofhisself-imposedtaskofguardingmyvirtue,butachievednothing.Heflatlyrefused,andconcludedbysaying:"Ihaveneversaiddixitwice.""Icongratulateyouonit,"Iansweredwithannoyance.

Wetalkedalittleovertheteaandpartedcompany.

IV

Ididnothingforawholefortnight.IonlywenttotheacademytopaintmyprogrammeworkontheghastlyBiblicalthemeofLot'swifebeingturnedintoapillarofsalt.Ihaditallfinished-bothLotandhishousehold-butthepillarsimplybaffledme.Icouldn'tthinkofanything.Wasittobesomethinginthenatureofagravestone,orjustasalt-builtstatueofLot'swife?Liferanitsleisurelycourse.IreceivedtwolettersfromSonya.AfterreadinghersweetnothingsaboutthegoingsonattheinstituteandthebooksthatshewasreadingsecretlyfromtheArgus-eyedschoolmistress,Iaddedthemtothesheafofpreviousletters,whichweretiedtogetherwithapinkribbon.Thatribbon

hadbeenacquiredwhenIwasfifteen,andsofarIhadnotbeenabletoscrewupthecouragetothrowitaway.WhyshouldI?Therewasnoharminit,wasthere?ButwhatwouldBessonovhavesaidhadheseenthisevidenceofmysentimentality?Wouldhebetouchedbymy"cleanness"orstartmockingme?Hehadupsetmeseriously,though.WhatwasItodo?Dropthepictureorstartlookingforamodelagain?Anunforeseenincidentcametomyaid.Oneday,whileIwaslyingonthesofawithasillyFrenchnovel,feelingratherbemusedbyallthosemortuaries,anddetectives,andresurrectingheroeswhohadasmanylivesastwentyordinarymortals,thedooropenedandGelfreichwalkedin.



Imagine,ifyoucan,apairofskinnycrookedlegs,ahugebodyburdenedwithtwohumps,longthinarms,shouldershuncheduphighasifexpressingperpetualdoubt,andayoung,pale,slightlypuffybutgood-lookingfaceonawell-poisedhead.Hewasanartist.Artloversorefamiliarwithhispictures,paintedforthemostpartononeandthesamesubjectwithslightvariations.Hissubjectwascats;drowsingcats,catswithlittlebirds,catswitharchingbacks;heevenhadatipsycatwithgayeyessittingbeforeaglassofwine.Gelfreichachievedincatsthepeakofperfection,butheneverattemptedanythingelse.Ifthepicturehewasdoinghadanyotheraccessoriesinitbesidescats-somegreenery,say,frombehindwhichapinklittlenoseandgoldeneyeswithnarrowpupilsweretopeepout,orsomedrapery,orabaskettohousealitterofkittenswithhugetransparentears-hehadrecoursetome.Nowaswellhehadcomeinwithsomethingwrappedupinbluepaper.Hegavemehiswhitebonyhand,thenlaidthepackagedownonthetableandbeganundoingit."Anothercat?"Isaid."Yes.Ineedabitofrughere...andabitofsofaontheotherone."Heunfoldedthepaperandshowedmetwosmallpicturesaboutafootsquare;thefiguresofthecatswerequitefinished,buttheywerepaintedagainstabackgroundofwhitecanvas."Ifnotasofa,thensomethingelse...anythingyoulike.""Whenwillyoudropthesecats,Semyon?""Ioughtto,Iknow,they'reanuisance.ButwhatcanIdo?Money!Thisrubbish,now,willbringmetwohundredrubles."Sayingwhich,hestoodwithskinnylegsapart,shruggedhishunchedupshoulders

,andspreadhishands,asiftoexpressastonishmentatthefactthatsuchrubbishcouldfindabuyer.Hiscatshadmadehisreputationintwoyears.Neitherbeforenorsince(except,perhaps,inapicturebythelateHuhn)hadIseensuchskillintheportrayalofcatsofallages,coloursandpositions.ButingivingthemhisexclusiveattentionGelfreichneglectedeverythingelse."Money,money,"herepeatedmusingly."Whatdoesahunchbackeddevillikemeneedsomuchmoneyfor?YetIfeelthatitisbecomingmoreandmoredifficultformetogetdowntorealwork.Ienvyyou,Andrei.Ihavebeenpaintingnothingbutthesecreaturesfortwoyears.Ofcourse,I'mveryfondofthem,especiallytherealones.ButIfeelI'mbeingsuckedunder.Mindyou,Iammoretalentedthanyouare,Andrei,don'tyouthinkso?"heaskedmeinatoneofkindlytact."Idon'tthink,"Ianswered,smiling,"Iamsureofit.""How'syourCharlotteg

ettingon?"Imadeagestureofdespair."Bad?"hesaid."Showme."SeeingthatImadenomoveandshookmyheadwithanegativegesture,hewentovertothestacksofoldcanvasesstandinginthecornerandbegantorummageamongthemhimself.Thenheputthereflectoronthelamp,setmyunfinishedpictureontheeaselandturnedthelightonit.Foralongtimehesaidnothing."Iunderstandyou,"hesaidatlength."Itmaymakeagoodthing.Butit'sAnnaIvanovnanevertheless.DoyouknowwhatIhavecomefor?Comealongwithme.""Whereto?""Anywhere.Outinthestreet.Ifeelsobored,Andrei.I'mafraidIamgoingtobackslideagain.""Nonsense!""Nononsenseaboutit.Ifeelthedemonthirstcomingatme.'Oh,couldIbutdreamandforget,'"hesuddenlysangoutinareedytenor."Really,Icametoseeyousoasnottobealone-onceIgetstarted,youknow,I'llbegoodforafortnight.ThenI'llbeill.Besides,it'sverybadfo

rthehealth...especiallywithatorsolikemine."Heturnedtwiceonhisheelstoshowmehistwohumps."Itellyouwhat,"Isuggested,"moveoverhereandstaywithme.I'llkeepyouoffit.""Thatwouldbefine.I'llthinkitover.Andnow,let'sgo."Idressedandwewentout.WetrampedthroughtheSt.Petersburgslushforalongtime.Itwasautumn.Astiffwindwasblowingfromthesea.Thewaterwasrising.WestoodonthePalaceEmbankmentwatchingtheinfuriatedriverlashingthegraniteparapetswithfoamingwaves.Fromtheblackabyssthatengulfedtheoppositebanktherecameanocc



asionalflashasoflightning,followedinfifteensecondsbyaheavythud:theywerefiringgunsatthefort.Thewaterwasrising."Iwishitwouldrisestillmore.Ihaveneverseenaflood-itmustbeinteresting,"saidGelfreich.Welingeredontheembankment,peeringinsilenceintotheragingdarkness."Itwon'triseanymore,"Gelfreichsaidatlength."Thewindisdropping,Ibelieve.Whatapity!Ihaveneverseenaflood....Let'sgo.""Where?""Justanywhere.Comewithme.I'lltakeyoutoaplaceIknow.Natureinthismoodfrightensmewithhertrashytricks.Letusrathergoandseesomehumantrash.""Whereisthat,Semyon?""Leavethattome.Cab!"heshouted.Wegotinanddroveoff.IntheFontanka,Gelfreichstoppedthecaboutsideawoodengatedecoratedwithcarvingsandgaudilypainteddesigns.Wepassedthroughamuddyyardbetweentwolongtwo-storeyedbuildingsofoldconstruction.Twopowerfulreflectorsthrewafloodofbrilliantlightintoourfaces;theyhungoneithersideofanoldporch,whichwasgaudilydecoratedwithpaintedcarvingsintheso-calledRussianstyle.Peopleprecededus,goinginthesamedirectionaswewere-meninfurcoats,andwomeninlong"diplomats"and"Palmerstons"madeofamaterialthatlaidclaimtoexpensiveluxury:silkflowersonavelveteenfield,withaboaroundtheneckandawhitesilkshawlonthehead;allthesepeoplewentthroughtheentrance,andascendingafewsteps,tookofftheiroutergarments,revealingforthemostpartcheap-luxurytoilets,w

herecottondidserviceforsilk,brassforgold,polishedglassfordiamonds,andceruse,carmine,andsiennaforafreshcomplexionandsparklingeyes.Weboughtticketsatthebookingofficeandenteredasuiteofroomssetwithsmalltables.Astuffyatmospheresurchargedwithoddexhalationsassailedme.Tobaccosmoke,mingledwiththesmellofbeerandcheappomade,driftedovertheheadsofthenoisycrowd.Somewanderedaboutaimlessly,otherssatatthetablesoverbottles;therewerewomenhereaswellasmen,andtheexpressionoftheirfaceswasstrange.Allpretendedtobegay,andtalkedaboutsomething-Godonlyknowswhat!Wesatdownatoneofthetables.Gelfreichorderedtea.Isatstirringminewithaspoon,listeningtoaplumplittlebrunettewithaGypsycastofcountenance,whosatatanear-bytable,answeringherpartner,whohadaskedherwhethershecamehereoften.ShespokewithslowdignityinavoicethathadastrongGermanaccentandashadeofsomethinglikeprideinit.

"Icomehereonceaweek.IcannotcomeoftenbecauseIhavetobeinanotherplace.Letmesee,thedaybeforeyesterdayIwasattheGermanClub,yesterdayattheOrphenm,todayhere,tomorrowattheBolshoiTheatre,thedayaftertomorrowatthePrikazchikClub,thentheOperetta,thentheChateau-de-fleur....Yes,Igosomewhereeveryday:andsodiegameWoche."Andshelookedathercompanionproudly.Hevisiblyshrankonhearingsuchanelaborateprogrammeofentertainments.Afairishmanofabouttwenty-fivewithalowforeheadoverwhichhungamopofhair,andwearingabrasswatch-chain,hestaredinaweathisgorgeouscompanionandsighed.Alas,itwasnotforhim,ahumbleApraksinshopassistant,togogallivantingwiththisladyaroundtheclubsandcafechantantsdayindayout!Wegotupandsaunteredthroughtherooms.Attheendofthesuiteawidedoorledintoadancehall.Yellowsilkcurtainsonthewindows,abrightlypaintedce

iling,rowsofbentwoodchairsagainstthewalls,inacornerofthehallalargewhitenicheintheformofashell,inwhichsatanorchestraoffifteenmen.Thewomenforthemostpartwalkedaboutinpairswiththeirarmsroundeachother;themensatagainstthewalls,watchingthem.Themusiciansweretuningtheirinstruments.Thefaceoftheleadingviolinistseemedratherfamiliartome."Isthatyou,FyodorKarlovich?"Iasked,touchinghisshoulder.FyodorKarlovichlookedround.MyGod,howfatandflabbyhehadgrown,andgreytoo!"Yes,I'mFyodorKarlovich,"hesaid."Don'tyouremembertheGymnasium?Youusedtocometoourdancelessonwithyou



rviolin.""Ah!Istillsitthereonalittlestoolinthecornerofthehall.Irememberyounow.Youusedtowaltzverywell.""Haveyoubeenherelong?""Overtwoyearsnow.""DoyourememberhowonceyoucameearlyandplayedErnst'sElegyintheemptyhall?Iwaslistening."Agleamcameintothemusician'slacklustreeyes."Wereyou?Wereyoureally?Ithoughtnobodyheardme.Yes,Iplayedsometimes....NowIcan't.Iplayherenow;atShrovetide,Easter-inthedaytimeatthefairs,intheeveninghere...."Hepaused."Ihavefoursonsandadaughter,"hemurmured."AndoneoftheboysisfinishingtheAnnen-Schulethisyearandisenteringtheuniversity.Ican'tplayErnst'sElegy."Theconductorwavedhisbowseveraltimes,andthetinnyorchestrastruckuparaucouspolka.Afterbeatingtimewithhisbowforthreeorfourbars,theconductorjoinedhissqueakyfiddletothegeneralchorus.Thecoupleswhirledinthedance,theorchestramadeahideousnoise."Let'sgoaway,Semyon,"Isaid."Thisisafrightfulbore.Let'sgohomeandhavesometea,andtalkaboutsomethingdecent.""Decent?"hequeriedwithasmile."Allright,let'sgo."Webegantoedgeourwaytowardstheexit.AllofasuddenGelfreichstopped."Look,"hesaid."Bessonov."IlookedroundandsawBessonov.Hewassittingatamarble-toppedtableonwhichstoodabottleofwine,glassesandplates.Bendinglow,hiseyesgleaming,he

waswhisperinganimatedlytoawomaninablacksilkdresswhowassittingatthesametable.Icouldnotseeherface,butInoticedthatshehadaslenderfigure,slimhandsandneck,andblackhaircombedsmoothlyupwardsfromtheneck."Thankfate,"Gelfreichsaidtome."Doyouknowwhothatis?Rejoice,itisshe,yourCharlotteCorday.""She?Here?"

V

Holdingaglassofwineinhishand,Bessonovlookedupatmewithbloodshotanimatedeyes,andhisfaceexpressedobviousannoyance.Hegotupandcameovertous."Youhere?"

"Wecametohavealookatyou,"Ianswered,smiling."AndIamnotsorry,because...."Heinterceptedmyglanceasitglidedoverhiscompanion,andinterruptedmesharply."Putthatoutofyourhead.Gelfreichheremusthavetoldyoualready.Butitwon'twork.Iwon'thaveit.I'lltakeheraway...."Andgoinguptoherquickly,hesaidinaloudvoice:"NadezhdaNikolayevna,letusbegoing."Sheturnedherhead,andIsawforthefirsttimehersurprisedface.Yes,Isawherforthefirsttimeinthatden.Shewassittingtherewiththisman,whodescendedsometimestodebaucheryfromtheloftyeminenceofanegotisticallyactivelife;shewassittingoveranemptybottleofwine;hereyeswereslightlyinflamed,herpalefacejaded,hercostumecarelessanddefiant.Around

uswasajostlingthrongofidlerevellers-merchantswhohadgivenuphopeofeverbeingabletolivesober,wretchedshopassistantswhospenttheirdrablivesbehindcountersandfoundconsolationindenslikethis,fallenwomenandgirlswhoselipshadtouchedthevilecup,allkindsofmodistes,shopgirls.IsawthatshewasalreadyfallingintotheabysswhichBessonovhadspokentomeabout,ifshehadnotalreadydoneso."Comealong,NadezhdaNikolayevna,letusgo!"Bessonovhurriedher.Shegotup,lookedathiminsurprise,andsaid:"Whatfor?Where?""Idon'twanttostayhere...."



"Youcangothen.ThisisyouracquaintanceandGelfreich,Ibelieve?""Listen,Nadya..."Bessonovsaidsharply.Shefrownedandthrewhimanangrylook."Whatrighthaveyoutoaddressmelikethat?Hullo,Semyon,howdoyoudo,mydear!"Semyoncaughtherhandsandsqueezedthem."Isay,Bessonov,"hesaid,"stopfooling.Youcangohome,ifyoulike,orremainhere,butNadezhdaNikolayevnaisgoingtostaywithus.Wewanttotalktoher,andit'ssomethingveryimportant.NadezhdaNikolayevna,letmeintroducetoyoumyfriendandhis(pointingtothescowlingBessonov)-Lopatin,artist.""Sheissofondofpictures,Andrei!"hesuddenlysaidtomeinajoyfultone."LastyearIshowedherovertheexhibition.Shesawyoursketches,too.Doyouremember?""Ido,"sheanswered."NadezhdaNikolayevna!"Bessonovsaidoncemore."Leavemealone.Gowhereveryoulike.IamstayingherewithSemyonand,er...MonsieurLopatin.Iwanttorelievemymind...ofyou!"shesuddenlycried,seeingthatBessonovwasabouttosaysomething."Iamtiredofyou.Goawayandleavemealone."Heturnedawaysharplyandwentoutwithoutsayinggood-byetoanyone."That'sbetter...withouthim...."NadezhdaNikolayevnasaidwithapainfulsigh."Whatareyousighingfor,NadezhdaNikolayevna?"askedSemyon."Iamsighingbecauseheoughtnottotakethelibertieswhichallthesemaimed

creaturestake"(sheindicatedthesurgingcrowdarounduswithamotionofherhead)."Iamsickofitall.Worsethansick.Ican'tfindwordsforit.Letushavesomethingtodrink,Semyon."Semyonglancedatmeruefully."Well,yousee,NadezhdaNikolayevna,Ireallywouldn'tmind,onlyhe....""Whatabouthim?He'lldrinkwithus,too.""Hedoesn'tdrink.""Thenyouwill.""Hewon'tletme.""That'sbad.Whocanpreventyou?""Ipromisedtodowhathetellsme."NadezhdaNikolayevnalookedatmewithinterest."Isthatso!"shesaid."Ahwell,ourwillsarefree.Ifyoudon'twantto,don'

t.I'lldrinkbymyself.""NadezhdaNikolayevna,"Ibegan,"forgivemefortakingsuchalibertyonourfirstacquaintance...."Ifeltahotflushmountingmycheeks.Shelookedatme,smiling."Well,whatisit?""OnourveryfirstacquaintanceIwouldaskyoupleasenotto...nottodothis,nottobehavethewayyouaredoing....Iwantedtoaskyouafavour,too."Alookofsadnesscrossedherface."NottobehavethewayIamdoing?"shesaid."IamafraidIcannolongerbehaveinanyotherway.Ihavegotoutofthehabit.Verywellthen,I'lltryit,topleaseyou.Whatisthefavour?"Stammeringandstumblingovermywords,Itoldherwhatitwasabout.Shelistenedattentively,hergreyeyesfulluponmyface.Thestrainedattentionwithwhi

chshewasfollowingme-orperhapsitwassomethingelse-gavetoherglanceasevereandsomewhatharshexpression."Verywell,"shesaidatlength."Iunderstandwhatyouwant.Icanmakethefaceyouneedtoo.""That'snotnecessaryreally,NadezhdaNikolayevna,solongasit'syourface.""Allright.WhendoIhavetobeatyourplace?""Tomorrowateleven,ifyoucan.""Soearly?Inthatcase,I'llhavetogotobed.Willyouseemehome,Semyon?""NadezhdaNikolayevna,"Isaid,"thereisanotherthingwehaven'tarrangedyet.Thisisnotdonefornothing,youknow."



"Youmeanyouaregoingtopayme?"shesaid,andIcaughtaproudoffendedringinhervoice."Yes,otherwiseIwon'thaveit,"Isaidfirmly.Shegavemeahaughtyalmostdefiantlook,butthenextmomentherfaceassumedathoughtfulexpression.Weweresilent.Ifeltawkward.Atingeofcoloursuffusedhercheeksandhereyesbrightened."Verywell,"shesaid,"youmaypayme.Asmuchasyoupayothermodels.WhatwillIgetforCharlotte,Semyon?""Aboutsixtyrubles,Ishouldthink,"heanswered."Andhowlongwillyoupainther?""Amonth.""Good,verygood!"shesaidanimatedly."I'lltryandtakemoneyfromyou.Thankyou."Shegavemeherslimhandandsqueezedminehard."Doeshesleepatyourplace?"sheasked,turningtome."Yes.""Ishan'tkeephimlong.He'llonlyseemehome."WithinhalfanhourIwasathome,andfiveminutesaftermeGelfreichreturned.Weundressed,wenttobedandblewoutthecandles.Iwasbeginningtofallasleep."Areyousleeping,Lopatin?"Semyon'svoicesuddenlycameoutofthedarkness."No,why?""Isay,Iwouldletmylefthandbechoppedoffthisveryminutetomakethatwomanfeelhappyandclean,"hesaidinavoicedeepwithemotion.

"Whynottherighthand?"Isaidsleepily."Silly!WhatwillIpaintwith?"Semyonsaidseriously.

VI

WhenIawokethenextday,greymorningwaslookingintothewindow.Iglancedinthedimlightatthepale,handsomefaceofGelfreich,whowassleepingonthesofa,andrecallingthepreviouseveningandthefactthatInowhadamodelformypicture,Iturnedoverontheothersideandwenttosleepagainwiththelightsleepofearlymorning."Lopatin!"avoicesounded.Ihearditthroughmysleep.Itcoincidedwithmydreams,andIdidnotwakeup,althoughsomeonewastouchingmyshoulder.

"Lopatin,wakeup,"thevoicesaid.IsprangtomyfeetandsawBessonov."Isthatyou,Bessonov?""Yes.Youdidn'texpectmesoearly?"hesaidinalowvoice."Speakquietly,Ishouldnotliketowakethehunchback.""Whatdoyouwant?""Dressandwashyourself;I'lltellyou.Comeintotheotherroom.Lethimsleep."Itookmyclothesandbootsundermyarmandwentintothestudiotodress.Bessonovwasverypale."Youlookasifyouhaven'tsleptallnight,"Isaid."Yes,Idid.Igotupveryearlyanddidsomework.Letushavesometea,andweshalltalk.Bytheway,showmeyourpicture."

"Notnow,Bessonov.I'llfinishitsoon,andthenyou'llseeitinanewandbetterversion.PerhapsyouarenotpleasedthatIhavegoneagainstyourwishes,butyouwouldn'tbelievehowgladIamthatIshallfinishitnow,thatthingshaveturnedoutthewaytheyhave.IcouldneverhavehopedforanythingbetterthanNadezhdaNikolayevna.""Iwillnothaveyoupainther,"hesaidinalowsuppressedvoice."Youhaven'tcomeheretoquarrelwithme,surely?""Iwon'thavehercominghereeverydayandspendinghourswithyou.Iwon'tlether.""Haveyouthepower?Howcanyoupreventher?Howcanyoupreventme?"Idemande



dwithasenseofgrowingirritation."Power...power....Justawordortwowillsuffice.I'llremindherwhatsheis.I'lltellherwhatyouare.I'lltellheraboutyourcousin,SophiaMikhailovna.""Pleaseleavemycousinoutofit.Ifyouhaveanyclaimsonthatwoman-evenifwhatyouhavetoldmeaboutheristrue,evenifsheisafallenwomananddozensofmenhavesimilarclaimsonher-youmayhaveclaimsonherbutnotonmycousin.Iforbidyoutotellheranythingaboutmycousin!Doyouhear?"Ifeltmyvoicegrowvibrantwithmenace.Hewasbeginningtomakemelosemytemper."Oh,soyouareshowingyourclaws!Ididn'tknowyouhadthem.Verywell,youareright-IhavenoclaimswhateveronSophiaMikhailovna.Iwillnotdaretoutterhernameinvain.Butthis...this...."Hepacedtheroomexcitedlyseveraltimesfromcornertocorner.Icouldseethathewasdeeplyagitated.Icouldnotmakeoutwhatwasthematterwithhim.Duringourlastconversationhiswordsandtonehadexpressedsuchundisguisedcontemptforthewoman,yetnow....Iwonder?"Isay,Bessonov,youloveher!"Hehalted,threwmeanoddglance,andsaidcurtly,"Idonot.""Thenwhatareyouworryingabout?Whymakesuchafuss?Youdon'texpectmetobelievethatyoursoleconcernistosavemysoulfromthefellclutchesofthisimaginarydemon.""That'smybusiness,"hesaid."Butrememberthis-byhookorbycrookI'llpreventyou.Iwon'thaveit!Doyouhear?"heshouteddefiantly.

Ifeltthebloodrushtomyhead.InthecornerwhereIhappenedtobestandinglayallkindsoflumber,suchascanvases,brushes,abrokeneasel.Amongitstoodastickwithasharpironpointtowhichalargesunshadewasscrewedduringoutdoorworkinthesummer.Ihadcasuallypickedupthatspike,andwhenBessonovutteredhis"Iwon'thaveit,"Idrovetheironpointintothefloorwithallmymight.Itsankintotheboardsaninchdeep.Ididnotsayaword,butBessonovglancedatmeastonished,andwitheven,asIthought,astartledlookinhiseyes."Good-bye,"hesaid."Iamgoing.Youaremuchtooworkedup."Ihadcalmeddownmeanwhile."Wait,don'tgoaway,"Isaid."Sorry,butIhavetobegoing.Good-bye."Andhewent.Ipulledthespikeoutofthefloorwithaneffort,andrememberto

uchingtheslightlywarmedpolishedmetalwithmyfinger.Itoccurredtomeforthefirsttimethatthiswasaterribleweapon,whichcouldkillamanonthespot.Gelfreichwenttotheacademy,andIsatwaitingformymodelnotwithoutacertainnervousness.Ihadputupanentirelynewcanvasandgoteverythingready.IcouldnotsaythatIwasthinkingonlyofmypictureatthetime.Irecalledthepreviouseveningwithitsqueerandunfamiliarsurroundings,theunexpectedandluckymeeting,thatstrangewoman,afallenwoman,whohadinstantlywonallmysympathy,theoddbehaviourofBessonov....Whatdidhewantofme?Wasittruethathedidnotloveher?Thenwhythatcontemptuousattitudetowardsher?Couldhenotsaveherifhewanted?Withthesethoughtsinmymind,myhandwiththecarbonmovedoverthecanvas,makingsketchesoftheposeinwhichIwantedtopaintNadezhdaNikolayevna,and

rubbingthemoutoneaftertheother.Punctuallyateleventhedoorbelltinkled,andaminutelatersheappearedforthefirsttimeonthethresholdofmyroom.Oh,howwellIrememberherpalefaceasshestoodagitatedandembarrassed(yes,embarrassmenthadnowreplacedtheexpressionofthedaybefore)inthedoorway!Itwasasifshedidnotdaretocomeintotheroom,aroominwhichsheafterwardsfoundhappiness,theonlybrightmomentsinherlife,and...herend.NottheendwhichBessonovhadspokenof.Icannotwriteaboutit,ImustwaittillIhavecalmeddown.

VII



SonyadoesnotknowthatIamwritingthesebitterpages.Shestillcomeseverydaytositatmybedsideorinthearmchair.Myfriend,mypoorhunchback,comestoseemeveryoftentoo.Hehasgrownverythinandhaggard,andhardlyspeaks.Sonyasaysthatheisworkinghard.Iwishhimluckandsuccess!Shecame,asshehadpromised,punctuallyateleven.Shewalkedintimidly,answeredmygreetingshylyandsatdowninsilenceinthearmchairthatstoodinacornerofthestudio."Youareverypunctual,NadezhdaNikolayevna,"Isaid,asIbeganlayingthepaintonthepalette.Shelookedatmeanddidnotanswer."Idon'tknowhowtothankyouforhavingconsented,"Iwenton,feelingmyselfblushingwithembarrassment.ThesewerenotthewordsIwantedtosaytoher."IhavebeenlookingforamodelsolongthatIwantedtodropthepicturealtogether.""Haven'tyouanymodelsattheacademy?"sheasked."Wehave,butthey'renogoodforme.Lookatthisface."IgotAnnaIvanovna'sphotographoutfromaheapofrubbishlyingonthetableandhandedittoher.Shelookedatitandsmiledfaintly."Yes,that'snotwhatyouwant,"shesaid."That'snotCharlotteCorday.""YouknowthestoryofCharlotteCorday?'Iasked.Sheglancedatmewithanoddlookofmingledsurpriseandpain."WhyshouldInotknowit?"shesaid."Ihavebeentoschool.Ihaveforgottenagooddealnow,leadingthislife,butIstillremembersomething.Oneneverfor

getsthingslikethese.""Whatschooldidyougoto,NadezhdaNikolayevna?""Whydoyouwanttoknow?Ifyoudon'tmind,letusbegin."Hertonehadsuddenlychanged.Sheutteredthewordscurtlyandsullenly,thewayshehadspokentoBessonovthedaybefore.Ifellsilent.Igotoutofthewardrobethedark-bluedress,capandalltheotheraccessoriesofCharlotte'scostumewhichIhadhadsewn,andaskedhertogointothenextroomandchange.IhadbarelyhadtimetopreparewhatIneededformyworkwhenshereappeared.Confrontingmestoodmypicture."Oh,myGod,myGod!"Iexclaimedwithdelight."Isn'titwonderful!Tellme,NadezhdaNikolayevna,havewenevermetbefore?Thereisnootherwaytoaccountforit.Ihavealwaysimaginedmypictureexactlyasyouarenow.IthinkIhave

seenyousomewhere.Yourfacemusthavesubconsciouslyimpresseditselfuponmymemory.Tellme,wherehaveIseenyou?""Wherecouldyouhaveseenme?"shereiterated."Idon'tknow.Inevermetyouuntilyesterday.Willyoupleasebegin.ShowmehowIamtostand,andbeginpainting."Iaskedhertotakeupherposition,adjustedthefoldsofherdress,touchedherhandsslightlytogivethemthatnervelesslookwhichIhadinmind,andwentbacktomyeasel.Shestoodbeforeme.Shestandsbeforemenow,righthere,onthiscanvas.Shelooksatmeasifshewerereal.Shehasthesamewistfulexpression,thesameshadowofdeathuponherpalefacethatshehadwornthatday.IwipedoffthesketchIhadmadeincarbonanddashedoffoneofNadezhdaNikol

ayevna.ThenIbeganpainting.NeverbeforenorafterhadIworkedsoswiftlyandeffectively.Thetimeflewimperceptibly,anditwasnotuntilanhourlaterthat,happeningtolookupatmymodel'sface,Iperceivedthatshewasreadytodropfromfatigue."Oh,Iamsosorry!"Isaid,helpingherdownfromthedaisonwhichshehadbeenstandingandseatingherinanarmchair."Ihavetiredyouout.""That'sallright,"sheanswered,palebutsmiling."IfIamgoingtoearnmybreadImustsufferabit.Iamgladthatyouaresoenthusiasticaboutit.MayIlookatit?"shesaid,withamotionofherheadtowardsthepicture,thefaceofwhichshecouldnotsee.



"Why,ofcourse!""Oh,whatasmear!"shecried."Ihaveneverseenthebeginningofanartist'swork.It'ssointeresting!Anddoyouknow,Icanseewhatthissmearisgoingtobe.Youhaveconceivedaverygoodpicture,AndreiNikolayevich.Ishalltrymybesttomakeitasuccess...asfarasitdependsonme.""Whatcanyoudo?""AsIsaidyesterday....Iwillgiveyoutheexpressionyouwant.Itwillmakeiteasierforyou."Shequicklytookupherposition,threwherheadbackanddroppedherarms,whileherfaceexpressedallthatIhaddreamtofformypicture.Itdepicteddeterminationandanguish,prideandfear,loveandhatred."Isitallright?"sheasked."Ifitis,Iwillstandlikethisaslongasyoulike.""Icouldaskfornothingbetter,NadezhdaNikolayevna;butitwillbedifficultforyoutoholdthatexpressionforlong.Thankyou.Weshallsee.It'salongwayoffyet.Youwillhavelunchwithme,Ihope?"ShedeclinedandIhadsometroublepersuadingher.AgafyaAlexeyevna,wholookedafterallmyneeds,serveduslunch;wesatdownatthetabletogetherforthefirsttime.Howmanytimesthishappenedafterwards!NadezhdaNikolayevnaatelittlewithoutspeaking;shewasapparentlyshy.Ipouredheroutaglassofwine,whichshedrankoffalmostatonce.Thecolourkindledinherpalecheeks."Tellme,"shesaidsuddenly,"haveyouknownBessonovlong?"Thequestioncaughtmeunawares.Rememberingwhathadtakenplacebetweenmeand

Bessonovbecauseofher,Iwastakenaback."Whydoyoublush?Butnevermind,justanswermyquestion.""Yes,alongtime.Sincechildhood.""Isheagoodman?""Yes,Isupposeheis.Heishonest,heworkshard.Heisaverytalentedman.Hetreatshismotherwell.""Hehasamother?Whereisshe?"Inamedtheplace,adding:"Shehasalittlehousethere.Hesendshermoneyandvisitshersometimes.Ihaveneverseenamoredotingmother.""Thenwhydoesn'thebringherouthere?""Idon'tthinkshewantstocome.Idon'tknow,really.Shehasahousethere,andisusedtotheplace.""Thatisn'ttrue,"NadezhdaNikolayevnasaidmusingly."Hedoesn'tsendforhis

motherbecausehethinksshewillbeinhiswayhere.Idon'tknowit,butthat'swhatIthink.Shewillembarrasshim.Sheisaprovinciallady,thewidowofsomepettygovernmentclerk.Shewillshockhim."Shegavetheword"shock"asarcasticemphasis."Idon'tliketheman,AndreiNikolayevich,"shesaid."Why?He'sagoodfellow,really.""Idon'tlikehim.Iamafraidofhim....Butthere,letusgetonwiththework."Shetookherplace.Theshortautumndaywasdrawingtoaclose.Iworkedtilldusk,givingNadezhdaNikolayevnaanoccasionalbreathingspace,anditwasnotuntilthecoloursbecameblurredandthefigurestandingonthedaisinfrontofmebecamewrappedinshadowthatIlaiddownmybrushes.NadezhdaNikolayevnachangedandwentaway.

VIII

ThateveningIhelpedSemyontomoveovertomyrooms.HelivedinSadovaya,inagreatbuildingpackedfromtoptobottomwithtenants.ThemorearistocraticpartofthehousefacingSadovayawasoccupiedbyfurnishedapartmentskeptbyaretiredcaptainnamedGrum-Skrzebickiwholethisfairlylargeanduntidyroomstoyoungartists,studentsandmusicians,whoformedthebulkofhistenants.Thesterncaptain,himselfamodelofdiscretion,strictlyobservedtheproprietiesofwhathecalledhis"hotel."



Iascendedaspiralironstaircaseandenteredacorridor.Fromthefirstdoorissuedrunningpassagesofaviolin,alittlefartherdownavioloncellocouldbehearddroning,andneartheendofthecorridorsomeonewaspoundingonapiano.IknockedatthedoorofGelfreich'sroom."Comein!"hecriedinhishigh-pitchedvoice.Hewassittingonthefloor,puttinghisbelongingsintoahugebox.Astrappedportmanteaulaynearby.Semyonwaspackingwithoutanysystemwhatever.Atthebottomoftheboxhehadputapillow,andontopofthattheunscrewedpartsofatablelampwrappedupinpaper,thenasmallleathermattress,boots,abatchofsketches,aboxofpaints,booksandvariousoddsandends.Neartheboxsatabigtawnycat,gazingintoitsmaster'sface.Thiscat,accordingtoGelfreich,hadapermanentjobwithhim."Iamready.Andrei,"saidGelfreich."Iamverygladthatyouaretakingmetolivewithyou.Didyouhaveasittingtoday?Didshecome?""Yes,Semyon,shecame,"Isaid,inwardlyexulting."Doyourememberthatphraseyousaidlastnight...aboutgivingyourlefthand?""Well?"heasked,sittingdownonthebox,smiling."Iambeginningtounderstandyou,Semyon.""There,yousee!Ah,Andrei,Andrei,dragheroutofit!Ican'tdoit.I'mastupidhunchbackeddevil.YouknowonlytoowellthatIwon'tbeabletodragmyownweightthroughlife,allthroughalonglife,withoutsomeone'sassistance-yours,forinstance-leavealonesupportingsomeoneelse!Ineedsomeonemyselftosavemefromdrunkenness,totakeme-underhiswing,makemework,keepmymoneyforme,paintmybaskets,sofasandalltherestofthefurnitureformycats.

Ah,Andrei,whatwouldIdowithoutyou!"Onasuddenaffectionateimpulse,Semyonjumpedoffthebox,ranuptome,flunghisarmsroundmeandpressedhisheadtomybreast.Hissoftsilkyhairtouchedmylips.Then,asquickly,heranawayintoacorneroftheroom(Ihaveastrongsuspicionthathebrushedawayatearindoingso)andseatedhimselfinanarmchairstandingthereintheshadows."There,seehowweakIam!Butyou...youaredifferent,Andrei.Getheroutofit,Andrei!"Isaidnothing."Therewasanothermanwhocouldhavedoneit,"Semyoncontinued,"buthedidnotwantto.""Bessonov?"Isaid."Yes,Bessonov."

"Hasheknownherlong,Semyon?""Yes;beforeme.Thatman'sheadisalldrawersandcompartments;hepullsoneout,takesoutaticket,readswhatiswrittenonit,thenactsaccordingly.Herewasthisopportunity.Seesafallengirl.Hegoesatoncetothecompartmentsinhishead(theyareallarrangedtherealphabetically),pullsoutaticket,andreads:Thereisnoreturnforthem."Semyonbecamesilent.Withhischinproppedinhishandhegazedatmethoughtfully."Tellme,howdidtheygetacquainted?Whatarethesestrangerelationsbetweenthem?""Someothertime,Andrei.Notnow.Shemaytellyouherself,perhaps.Ishouldn'thavesaid'perhaps'-sheissuretotellyou.Youarethatkind,youknow...."Semyonsaid,smiling."Let'sgo,Imustsettleupwiththecaptain."

"Haveyouanymoney?""Yes.Thecatsseetothat."Hewentoutintothecorridorandshoutedsomethingtotheservant.Aminutelaterthecaptainhimselfappeared.Hewasasturdythicksetoldmanwithaveryfresh,clean-shavenface.Oncomingintotheroomhescrapedafootwithaswaggeringflourish,shookhandswithGelfreichandacknowledgedmypresencewithasilentbow."Whatdoesthepanwant?"heaskedpolitely."Iamleavingyou,Captain.""Asyouplease,"thelattersaid,shrugginghisshoulders."Iwasperfectlysati



sfiedwithyou,sir.Iamgladtohavesuchexcellentandeducatedpeoplelivinginmyhotel.Isthegentlemananartisttoo?"headded,turningtomewithanotherelegantbow."Allowmetointroducemyself:CaptainGrum-Skrzebicki,anoldsoldier."Ishookhandsandgavemyname."PanLopatin?"exclaimedthecaptain,hisfaceexpressingrespectfulsurprise."Thatisawell-knownname.Ihavehearditfromallpupilsoftheacademy.Veryhappytohavemetyou,sir.IwishyouthefameofSemiradskiandMatejko.Whereareyoumovingto?"thecaptainaskedGelfreich."Tohisplace,"thelatteransweredwithanembarrassedsmile."Althoughyourobmeofanexcellenttenant,Iamnotannoyed.Therightoffriendshipcomesfirst...."thecaptainsaidwithanotherbow."Iwillbringmybookinaminute."Hewentoutwithhisheadhighintheair.Therewassomethingmartialinhisstep."Wheredidheserve?"IaskedSemyon."Idon'tknow.AllIknowisthatheisnotaRussiancaptain.Ihaveseenhispassport,itsimplysaysnoblemanKsaweryGrum-Skrzebicki.Hetellseveryoneconfidentiallythathewasintheinsurrection.Hestillhasafowling-piecehangingonhiswall."Thecaptainreappearedwithhisbookandabacus.Afterconsultingthebookandclickingthecountersforaminuteortwo,heannouncedthesumthatGelfreichowedhimforrentandmealsuptotheendofthemonth.Semyonpaidhimandwepartedcompanyinamostfriendlymanner.Whenthethingshadbeencarriedout,Sem

yontookthetawnycatunderhisarm(evidentlythesightofthedesolateroomhaddisturbedit,forithadbeenrubbingitselfanxiouslyagainsthislegs,andmiaowingfromtimetotime,itstailstandinguplikealittlestick)andwerodeoff.

IX

Therewerethreeorfourmoresittings.NadezhdaNikolayevnacameattenorelevenandstayedtilldusk.Ioftenaskedhertostayandhavedinnerwithus,butshealwaysretiredhastilytothenextroomassoonasthesittingwasover,changedthebluedressforherblackoneandtookherleaveatonce.Herfacehadalteredconsiderablyduringthosefewdays.Therewasanairofbroodingmiseryinthelinesofhermouthandthehollowsofhergreyeyes.Shesel

domspoketome,andwasslightlymoreanimatedonlywhenGelfreichwassittinginthestudioathiseasel.Despitemyadvicetotakeupsomethingmoreserious,hecontinuedtopainthiscatsoneafteranother.Inadditiontothetawnymodel,somefiveorsixcatsofvariedage,sexandcolourhadmadetheirappearanceinourrooms,andAgafyadutifullyfedthem,althoughshewagedceaselesswaragainstthem.Thesehostilitiesmainlytooktheformofgatheringthecatsupunderherarmsandthrowingthemoutonthebackstairs.Butthecatscriedsopiteouslyatthedoorthatoursoft-heartedhousekeeperrelented.Thedoorwasopenedandthecatsweregiventherunoftheplaceoncemore.HowvividlyIrecollectthoselongquietsittings!Thepicturewasnearingcompletion,andavagueoppressivefeelinggraduallycreptintomyheart.IfeltthatwhenIhadnofurtherneedofNadezhdaNikolayevnaasamodel,wewouldpart.IrecalledmyconversationwithGelfreichthedayhehadmovedover;often,when

gazingatherpalebroodingface,hiswordsranginmyears:"Ah,Andrei,Andrei,helpherout!"Helpherout!Ihardlyknewanythingabouther.Ididnotevenknowwhereshelived.ShehadleftheroldlodgingswhereGelfreichhadseenherhomeontheeveningwhenwehadfirstmet,andSemyoncouldnotgethertotellhimwhereshehadmovedto.NeitherhenorIknewhersurname.IrememberaskingheraboutitatoneofoursittingswhenGelfreichwasnotthere.Hehadgonetotheacademythatmorning(Imadehimattendthesketchingclassonceinawhile)andwehadspentthewholedaytogether.NadezhdaNikolayevnawasabitmorecheerfulthanusual,andsomewhatmoretalkative.Encouragedby



this,Imadeboldtosay:"NadezhdaNikolayevna,Idon'tknowyoursurnameallthistime."Shedidnotseemtohearmyquestion.Afaintshadowcrossedherface,andshuttingherlipsforamomentasifsomethinghadstartledher,shewentonspeaking.ShespokeaboutGelfreich,andIcouldseethatshewastryingtoleadmeawayfromthesubjectIhadtouchedon.Atlastshefellsilent."NadezhdaNikolayevna,"Isaid,"tellme,whydon'tyoutrustme?HaveIevergivenyoucause....""Pleasedon't,"shesaidsadly."Idon'ttrustyou?Nonsense....Whyshouldn'tI?Whatharmcanyoudome?""Thenwhydoyou....""Becauseitisbetterso.Getonwithyourpainting,hurryup,itwillbedarksoon,"shesaid,tryingtosoundcheerful."Gelfreichwillsoonbehere,too;whatwillyoushowhim?Youhavenotdoneanythingtoday.Wespendallthetimetalking.""There'splentyoftime...I'mtired....Ifyoulikeyoucancomedownandrestabit."Shecamedownandsatinachairstandinginthecorner.Isatdownattheotherendoftheroom.Iwasdyingtohaveatalkwithher,toaskherallaboutherself,butIfeltthisgettingmoreandmoredifficultfromonesittingtoanother.Ilookedathersittingtherehunchedup,herhandsclaspingherknees,andhereyesstaringfixedlyatthefloor.OneofSemyon'scatswasrubbingagainstherdressandlookingupintoherfaceinafriendlymannerwhileitcrooneditsgood-naturedlittlesong.Sheseemedtohavefrozeninthatattitude.Whatwasgo

ingoninthatproudunhappyheart?Proud!Yes,thatisnoidlewordthathasfallenfrommypen.EventhenIthoughtthatherruinhadcomeaboutbecauseshewouldnotbend.Perhaps,ifshehadyieldedinsomething,shewouldhavelivedasotherslive,shewouldhavebeenaninterestingyounglady"withenigmaticeyes,"thenshewouldhavemarriedandbecomesubmergedinaseaofaimlessexistenceatthesideofahusbandabsorbedinextremelyimportantaffairsinsomehighpost.Shewoulddressherselfup,entertain,bringupherchildren("asonattheGymnasium,adaughterattheinstitute")/dabbleincharities,and,uponreachingtheendofherallottedspan,giveherhusbandoccasiontoannouncehis"deepsorrow"intheNovoyeVremyathenextday.Butshehadbeenknockedoutofthesaddle.Whathadmadeherleavethebeatenpathof"respectability"?Ididnotknow,andtriedinvaintoreaditinherface.Itwasinscrutable,andhereyeswerestillfixeduponthefloor.

"Ifeelrested,AndreiNikolayevich,"shesuddenlysaid,lookingup.Istoodup,lookedatherandthenatthecanvas,andsaid,"Ican'tdoanymoretoday,NadezhdaNikolayevna."Sheglancedatme,wantedtosaysomething,butcheckedherselfandwentoutoftheroomtochange.Irememberflingingmyselfintothearmchairandburyingmyfaceinmyhands.Adeepinexplicablesadnessfloodedmysoul.Avagueexpectancyofsomethingunknownandawesome,anovermasteringimpulsetodosomething-Iknewnotwhat-andatendernesstowardsthatunhappycreaturecombinedwiththatoddsenseoftimiditywhichherpresencealwaysinspiredmewith-allthesemingledinasingleoverpoweringfeelingIcouldfindnonamefor.IdonotknowhowlongIsatthere,sunkalmostincompleteoblivion.WhenIcametomyselfshewasstandingbeforemedressedforgoingout."Good-bye,"shesaid.

Igotupandgavehermyhand."Waitaminute...Iwanttotellyousomething.""Whatisit?"sheaskedanxiously."Alot,NadezhdaNikolayevna,awholelot.Can'tyousitforoncenotasamodel?""Notasamodel?ButwhatelsecanIbetoyou?MayGodhelpmefrombeinganythingelsetoyou-frombeingwhatIwas...whatIam,"shecorrectedherselfquickly."Good-bye.Shallyousoonbefinishedwiththepicture,AndreiNikolayevich?"sheaskedwhenshereachedthedoor."Idon'tknow.IthinkI'llhavetoaskyoutocomehereforanothertwoweekso



rthree."Shewassilent,asifshecouldnotbringherselftosaywhatshewanted."Isthereanythingyouneed,NadezhdaNikolayevna?""Doanyofyour...er...artistfriendsneeda...."shestammered."Amodel,"Ibrokein."I'lltrytoarrangethatforyou,NadezhdaNikolayevna,Icertainlywill.""Thankyou.Good-bye."BeforeIcouldgivehermyhandthebellrang.Shepaledandsankintoachair.Bessonovcamein.

X

Heenteredwithagaycarelessair.ForamomentIthoughthelookedthinnerthanwhenIhadlastseenhim,butthenextmomentthatimpressionvanished.Hegreetedmecheerfully,bowedtoNadezhdaNikolayevna,whocontinuedtositinherchair,andbeganspeakinganimatedly."I'vedroppedintohavealookatyourwork.Itinterestsmeverymuch.Iwanttoknowwhetheryoureallycandoanythingnowthatyouhavesuchamodel,betterthanwhichyoucouldhardlydesire."HeglancedatNadezhdaNikolayevna.Shewasstillsitting.Iexpectedhertogetupandgoaway,Iwantedherto,butsheremainedasifchainedtoherchair,hergazefixeduponBessonov'sfaceinuttersilence."That'strue,"Isaid."Icouldaskfornothingbetter.IamverygratefultoNadezhdaNikolayevnaforconsentingtositforme."

SayingwhichImovedtheeaselawayfromthewallandplaceditinproperposition."Thereyouare!"Isaid.Hefastenedhiseyesuponthepicture.Obviouslyhewasdeeplyimpressed,andIfeltratherflattered.NadezhdaNikolayevnasuddenlygotup."Good-bye,"shesaidinalowvoice.Bessonovspunroundandtookseveralstepsinherdirection."Oh,don'tgoaway,NadezhdaNikolayevna!Ihaven'tseenyouforsolong,andnowthatIhavemetyouherealmostbyaccident,youwanttorunawayfromme.Waitalittle,ifonlyfiveminutes;we'llgotogether,I'llseeyouhome.Icouldn'tfindyouanywhere.Theytoldmeatyouroldlodgingsthatyouhadlefttown;Iknewitwasn'ttrue.ImadeinquiriesattheAddressBureau,buttheydidn'th

aveyouraddressthereyet.Iintendedtoinquireagaintomorrowinthehopethattheywouldhaveyouraddressbythattime;butnow,ofcourse,itisunnecessary;youwilltellmeyourselfwhereyoulive;Ishallseeyouhome."HespokerapidlyandwithatouchoftendernessthatIhadneverheardfromhimbefore.HispresenttonewassounlikethatinwhichhehadspokentoNadezhdaNikolayevnathateveningwhenGelfreichandIhadrunintothemboth!"There'snoneedto,SergeiVasilyevich,thankyou,"NadezhdaNikolayevnaanswered."Iwillgohomebymyself.Ineednoonetoseemehome,and...."shefinishedquietly,"Ihavenothingtotalktoyouabout."Hemadeagesture,wantedtosaysomething,butonlyasingleoddsoundescapedfromhisthroat.Icouldseethathewastryingtocontrolhimself.Hetookaturnabouttheroom,thensaidtoherinalowvoice:"Gothen....Ifyouhavenoneedofme,thenallthebetterforbothofus...

perhapsforthethreeofus...."Shewentawaywithagentlepressureofmyhand;wewereleftalone.PresentlyGelfreichcamein;IinvitedBessonovtostayandhavedinnerwithus.Inafitofabstraction,hedidnotanswermeatonce,thensuddenlycaughthimselfandsaid:"Dinner?Idon'tmind.Ihaven'tbeenhereforalonglime.I'dliketohaveagoodtalktoday."Andsohedid.AtthebeginningofthemealhehardlysaidanythingbeyondthrowingoutafewcurtresponsestoSemyon,whospokeabouthiscatswithoutastop,sayinghehaddefinitelymadeuphismindtodropthem.Itwasabouttimehere



allytookupsomethingserious.Eventually,undertheinfluence,perhaps,oftwoglassesofwine,Gelfreich'sanimationcommunicateditselftohim,andImustsaythatIhadneverseenhimsolivelyandeloquentashewasatdinnerthatevening.Towardstheendhequitemonopolizedtheconversationandreadusquitealectureondomesticandforeignpolitics;twoyears'experienceinwritingleadingarticlesonallkindsofquestionsenabledhimtospeakquitefreelyaboutthesethings,ofwhichGelfreichandI,occupiedaswewerewithoursketches,knewverylittle."Lookhere,Semyon,"IsaidwhenBessonovhadgone,"I'msurethatBessonovknowsNadezhdaNikolayevna'ssurname.""Whatmakesyouthinkso?"askedGelfreich.Idescribedtohimthescenethathadbeenenactedherebeforehecame."Thenwhydidn'tyouaskhim?Iunderstandyou,though;I'llfinditoutmyself."Why,indeed,hadInotaskedBessonov?Icannotanswerthatquestionevennow.IknewnothingabouttherelationsbetweenhimandNadezhdaNikolayevnaatthattime,butIwasalreadyhauntedbyavaguepresentimentthatsomethingwasgoingtohappenbetweenthosetwopeople,somethingstrangeandmysterious.IhadwantedtocheckBessonov'sfervidspeechonopportunism,interrupthisexpositionofthedisputeattowhethercapitalismwasorwasnotdevelopinginRussia,butthewordshadstuckinmythroateverytime.ItoldGelfreichaboutit.Itoldhiminthefollowingwords:"Idon'tknowmyselfwhatitisthatpreventsmefromspeakingabouthersimply.Thereissomethingbetweenthem.Idon'tknowwhatitis."

Semyon,whowaspacingtheroominsilence,crossedovertothedarkwindow,lookedoutintothedarkness,andanswered:"ButIdo.Hedespisedher,andnowheisbeginningtoloveher.Becausehesees....Oh,whatahardened,egotisticalheart,whatanenviousheart,thatmanhas,Andrei!"heexclaimed,turningtomeandshakingbothhandsintheair."Bewareofhim,Andrei!"Anenviousheart?Envious....Whatcanitenvy?

XI

FromBessonov'sdiary.YesterdayLopatinandGelfreichmetNadyaandI.Againstmywishestheygotacquainted.ThismorningIwenttoseehimtoputastoptoit,butIwasnotabletodoanything.Theywillseeeachothereveryday,sitto

getherforhours,andIknowwhatitwillleadto.InvaindoItrytosolvethequestionastowhyItakesuchawarminterestinthismatter.Whatdifferencedoesitmaketome?Admittedly,IhaveknownLopatinformanyyears,andIbelieveIsincerelysympathizewiththattalentedyouth.Idonotwishhimill,butintimacywithafallenwoman,whohasbeenthroughfireandwater,isanevil,especiallyforsuchanuntaintednatureashis.Ihaveknownthiswomanforafairlylongtime.Igottoknowherwhenshewasalreadywhatsheis.Therewasatime,Imustconfess,whenIyieldedtoweakness,and,attractedbyherratheruncommonlooksandwhatIbelievedtoberemarkablepersonality,IthoughtmoreaboutherthanIshouldhavedone.ButIsoonmasteredmyself.Knowingbylongexperiencethatitwereeasierforacameltopassthroughtheeyeofaneedlethanforawomanwhohadtastedthatpoisontoreturntoanormalhonestlife,andafterwatchingherclosely,Ibecameconvincedthats

hehadnoneofthesavingvirtuesthatwouldhavemadeheranexceptiontothegeneralrule,anditwaswithanachingheartthatIdecidedtoleavehertoherfate.NeverthelessIcontinuedtomeether.IshallneverforgivemyselfthemistakeImadethateveningwhenLopatincametomecomplainingabouthisfailure.IgavemyselfawaybytellinghimthatIhadtheverypersonhewantedforamodel.IcannotmakeoutwhyGelfreichhadnottoldhimofitbefore;heknowsheraslongasIdo,ifnotlonger.Myindiscretionandquicktemperhaveruinedeverythingtoday.Ishouldhavebeenmorecareful;butinsteadImadethatsoft-heartedmanlosehistemper.Heseizedsomespearorotheranddroveitintothefloorwithsuchforcethatthewin



dow-panesrattled.SeeingwhatapassionhewasinIwasobligedtowithdraw.

IhavenotseenLopatinforsomedays.ImetGelfreichinthestreetyesterdayanddiscretelyturnedthetalkonhisfriend.Shegoesthereeveryday;thepictureismakingswiftprogress.Howdoesshebehave?Withmodestyanddignity.Alwayssilent.Dressedinblack,poorly.Takesmoneyforthesittings.WhataboutLopatin?Lopatinisverypleasedathavingfoundsuchamodel;hecheeredupconsiderablyatfirst,butnowhebroodsabit."Idon'tknowwhyyouaresointerestedinallthis,Bessonov,"thehunchbacksaidtomeinconclusion."Younevertookanyinterestinthatwoman.Yettherewasatimewhenyoucouldeasilyhavesavedher.It'stoolatenow,ofcourse...toolateforyou,Imean."Toolateforyou!Toolateforyou!Whatdidhemean?Thatifitwastoolateformeitwasnottoolateforhisfriend?Whatfools!What!AndthisGelfreichtoo!Heconsidershimselfhisfriend,knowsbetterthanIdowhathisrelationstohisbetrothedcousinare-yethedoesnotunderstandtheeviltheyareworking!Theywillneversavethatwoman;Lopatinwillbreakhisheartandtheheartofthegirlwholoveshim....IfeelthatImust,it'smydutytodosomething.IwillgoandseeLopatintomorrowduringthedayandseeformyselfhowfarthingshavegone.Iwillgoandseehertoday.

Iwenttoherlodgingstodayanddidnotfindher;shehasmovedandleftnoaddress.Iwastoldthatshehadsoldallherdresses.Itriedtofindher,butneithertheAddressBureaunorthehousejanitorscouldhelpmetotraceher.IamgoingtoseeLopatintomorrow.Imustabandonmyformerlineofaction.IwasmistakeninLopatin;Ithought,judgingbyhismildnature,thatonecouldspeaktohiminaperemptorytone;Imustsaythatourpreviousrelationstoacertainextentjustifiedthatview.Thethingistoworkonthatwomanwithouttouchinghim.TherewasatimewhenIthoughtshewasinterestedinmeabit.IbelievethatwithaslighteffortIshallbeabletoseparatethem.PerhapsIshallawakentheoldfeelinginherandshewillreturntome.TopaycourttoNadezhdaNikolayevna!Theideaiscrazy,yetIfindmyselfdwellinguponit.IfeelthatIhavenorighttoallowLopatintoruinhimselfandhi

swholelife.

Thatwomanismockingme!IspoketoherwithallthetendernessofwhichIamcapable,evenusedatonethatwashumiliatingtome,butshewentaway,afterutteringafewoffensiveandscornfulwords.Shehaschangedamazingly.Thatpalefaceofhershasacquiredastampofdignityquiteoutofkeepingwithhersocialposition.Sheisatoncemodestandseeminglyproud.Whatcanshebeproudof?IscrutinizedLopatin'sface,hopingtoreadtherethehistoryofhisrelationswithher.Nothingmuch:heisratherexcited,butthatismainlyduetohispicture.Itisgoingtobeasplendidthing.Shestandsoutonthecanvasasifshewerealive.Icontrolledmyanger,and,givingnosignthatIfeltinsulted,stayedtodinnerwithLopatinandGelfreich.Wedroppedintoconversation,andtheylistenedat

tentivelytomylecturesonsundrysubjectswhichIamatpresentworkingon.ButwhatamItodo?Letthingstaketheirowncourse?IpromisedLopatinoncenottomixhiscousinSophiaupintheseaffairs.Imustkeepmypromise,ofcourse.Butcan'tIwritetomymother?SheseesSophia,ifonlyrarely,andmaytellher.Ishallnotbebreakingmypromise,andatthesametime....No,athinglikethisshouldnotbelefttotakeitsowncourse.Ihavenorighttodothat.Asforthatwoman,I'llmakehergiveupherpreybyhookorbycrook.Thethingistofindoutwhereshelives.ThenIcanhaveitoutwithher.AndnowImustdropallthisandtakeupmywork.Inthisemptyandaimlesshurly-burlythatwecalllifethereisonlyonegenuineabsolutejoy:thesatisfactio



nofaman,who,immersedinhislabours,forgetsallthetrivialitiesoflife,andafterwards,whenhislabouriscompleted,cansaytohimselfwithpride:yes,todayIhavedonegood.

XII

Lopatin'snotes.SixdayshavepassedsincethemeetingwithBessonov,butNadezhdaNikolayevnahasnotcometoseeme.Shemerelysentmeanoteaskingmetoexcuseherasshewasbusy.IshowedGelfreichthenoteandwebothconcludedthatshewasunwell.Shehadtobefoundatallcost.IfwehadknownhersurnamewecouldhavefoundheraddressattheAddressBureau;butneitherhenorIknewhername.ItwasnouseaskingBessonov.Iwasindespair,butSemyonpromisedtofindherifhehad"tosearchthebottomofthesea"todoit.Gettingupearlythenextmorning,hedressedwithapreoccupieddeterminedair,asifheweregoingoutonadangerousexpedition,anddisappearedfortherestoftheday.Leftbymyself,Itriedtodosomework,butIcouldnot.Itookabookdownfromtheshelfandstartedtoread.Thewordsandthoughtspassedthroughmymindwithoutregistering.Itriedhardtoconcentrate,butcouldnotgetthroughmorethanseveralpages.Ishutthebook-agoodcleverbook,whichonlyafewdaysagoIhadreadwiththeeagernessandpleasurewhichonealwaysderivesfromgoodreading-andwentouttoroamaboutthetown.Aslenderhalf-conscioushopeofmeetingifnotNadezhdaNikolayevnaherself,th

ensomeonewhocouldenlightenme,didnotleavemeallthetime,andIpeeredatthepassers-byandoftencrossedtheroadonseeingawomanwhoinanywayresembledthefamiliarimage.ButImetnooneexceptCaptainGrum-Skrzebicki.Itwassometimepastthree(itwastheendofDecemberandgettingalreadydark)andhewastakingastrolldownNevskyProspektwithagrandairofdignity.Itwasverywarm,andthecaptain'ssmartfurcoat,unbuttonedattheneck,revealedacolouredsilktiewithabrillianttie-pin;thecaptain'shatshoneasifitwerepolished,andhishand,sheathedinafashionableyellowglovewiththickblackseams,restedonawalking-stickwithalargeboneknob.Seeingme,hesmiledanaffableloftysmile,madeanaffablegesturewithhishand,andcameuptome."IamdelightedtoseeMonsieurLopatin,"hesaid."Thisisaverypleasantmeeting."

Heshookmyhand,andinreplytomyquestionabouthishealth,continued:"Thankyou.Areyoutakingastroll,orareyouinahurrytogosomewhere?Iftheformeristhecase,doyoumindtakingawalkwithme?Iwouldgladlygoyourway,butit'sahabitofmine,MonsieurLopatin,totakemydailywalkalongNevskytwiceineachdirection.Ineverbreakthatrule."Iwasgoingtoturnbackinanycase,soIjoinedthecaptain.Hesustainedtheconversationwithdignity."Thisismysecondpleasantmeetingtoday,"hesaid."IhavealsometMr.Bessonovandlearnedthathetooisafriendofyours.""SoyouknowBessonov,too,Captain?""AskmewhomIdonotknow!"thecaptainsaidwithashrugofhisshoulders."Mr.Bessonovlivedinmyhotel,too,whenhewasastudent.Weweregoodfriends,sir.Thepeoplewholivedinmyhotel-you'dbesurprised,MonsieurLopatin.The

captainknowsmanyanengineer,lawyerandwriterwhoarenowfamous.Yes,quitealotofcelebratedpeopleknowme."Inthecourseofthisspeechthecaptainbowedpolitelytoagentlemanwithapreoccupiedandintelligentfacewhopassedbyswiftly.Thegentlemanlookedpuzzled,thensmiledandnoddedtothecaptaininafriendlyway."Hedoesnotforgetoldfriends,althoughhehasrisentohighrank,thatgentlemanhas,MonsieurLopatin.Well-knownEngineerPetrishchev.Livedatmyhotelasastudenttoo.""AndBessonov?"Iasked."Bessonovisafinegentleman,too.Ratherweakasregardsthelovelyeyesofth



egentlesex,Ishouldsay,"thecaptainadded,bendingovertowardsmyear.Ifeltmyheartbegintobeatfaster.ItseemedtomethatthecaptainoughttoknowsomethingaboutNadezhdaNikolayevnatoo.Thecaptainbowedagaintosomepassingacquaintanceandresumed:"Yes,ifhewerenotsuchafineyounggentlemanIwouldhavequarrelledwithhim,panLopatin.ButIremembermyownyouth,andbesides,anoldsoldiercanstillappreciateapairoflovelyeyes...."Heglancedatmesidewaysandwinked;hisnarrowedeyesgrewabitoily."IamverygladyouknowBessonov,Captain,"Ibegan."Ididnotknowit.""Yes,helivedatmyhotelforaveryshorttime.""Washeacquaintedwith...."SuddenlyIfelthorriblyashamedofmyself.MytonguewascheckedintheveryactofpronouncingthenameofNadezhdaNikolayevna.Iglancedatthecaptain,whowasstaringhardatmewithasuddenlychangedexpression.Henowlookedlikeahawk."But,pardonme,Idon'tsupposeyouwouldknow,"Iendeduplamely.Helookedatme,assumedanairofcompleteunconcernandflourishedhisstick."Yes,anoldsoldierhaslotstoremember,"hewentonasthoughIhadaskedhimnothing."Theshadysideoffifty,"headdedwithasorrowfulshakeofthehead."ImustsayIenvyyou,MonsieurLopatin,butIenvyonlyyouryouth.""Wheredidyouserve,Captain?"Iasked,recollectingGelfreich'swords.Thecaptain'sexpressionunderwentasuddenchangeoncemore.Hebecamegrave,lookedright,thenleft,thenoverhisshoulder,andbentclosetomyface,hismoustachealmosttouchingmyear.

"Betweenyouandme,asbetweenhonestgentlemen!Themanbeforeyou,MonsieurLopatin,isasoldierofMekhovandOpatov!"Hesteppedbackapaceandregardedmewithalookthatseemedtoinviteastonishment.Imadeanefforttogivemyfacetheexpressionsuitabletotheoccasion."ItisasecretwhichIconfideonlytoafewverynearfriends,"thecaptainwhisperedagain,leaningtowardsme,thenrecoilingagain,andeyeingmewithatriumphantair.Itremainedformetoexpressmygratitudefortheconfidenceandtotakeleaveofhim,aswewerealreadyapproachingPolitseiskyBridge.Iwasannoyedwithmyself;IhadverynearlymentionedthenameofNadezhdaNikolayevnatoamaninwhom1didnotfeeltheslightestconfidence.WhenIcamehome,Agafyainformedmethat"ourcat-lover"hadnotarrivedyet.Sheservedmemydinnerandstoodbythedoorwithafacethatexpressedextremeregretonaccountofmypoorappetite.

"Whydoesn'tthatladyofyourscomeanymore,AndreiNikolayevich?"shesaid."Isupposesheisill,Agafya."Sheshookherhead,and,drawingadeepsigh,wentoutintothekitchentofetchmemytea.ItwasalongtimesinceIhaddinedwithoutGelfreich,andIfeltverymiserable.

XIII

AfterdinnerthepostmanbroughtaletterfromSonya.Ihaveneverconcealedanythingfromher.WhenIdie-andthatwillhappensoon,asdeathisnotcreepinguptome,butapproachingwithafirmtread,thesoundofwhichIhearclearlyinthesleeplessnightswhenIfeelworseandwhenbothmyillnessandvisionsoftherevivedpasttormentmemorethanever-whenIdi

e,andshereadsthesenotes,letherknowthatIhadneverliedtoher,never.IwrotehereverythingthatIthoughtandfelt,andifIomittedanythinginmylongletters,itwassomethingtheexistenceofwhichinmyownheartIhadneversuspected,orwouldnotadmittomyself,althoughIhadvaguelyfeltit.Butsheknewme.Althoughshewasonlynineteen,sheunderstoodwiththatsensitiveandlovingheartofherswhatIhadnotdaredadmittomyself,whathadnevertakenshapeinmymindindefinitewords."Youloveher,Andrei.Iwishyouhappiness...."Icouldnotreadfurther.Atorrentofemotionsweptovermeandthroughme.Ileanedbackinthearmchairwiththeletterinmyhands,andsattheremotionless



foralongtimewithclosedeyes,whilethetorrentsurgedandstormedwithinmybreast.Itwastrue,Ilovedher.Ihadneverexperiencedthatfeelingbefore.Ihadcalledmyfondnessformycousinlove;Ihadbeenpreparedinafewyearstobecomeherhusband,andImighthavebeenhappywithher.IfanyonehadtoldmethatIcouldfallinlovewithanotherwomanIwouldnothavebelievedhim.Ithadseemedtomethatmydestinyhadbeensettled."Hereisthywife,"saidtheLordtome,"andthoushalthavenoother"-ofthatIwasfirmlyconvinced;Iwascertainofmyfuture,confidentofmychoice.Toloveanyotherwomanseemedtomeaneedlessandunworthywhim.Andthenhadcomethatstrangeunhappycreaturewitharuinedlifeandanguishinhereyes;atfirstpityhadgrippedmyheart;angeragainstthemanwhohadtreatedherwithsuchdisdainhadmademetakeherpartallthestronger,andthen....Then,Idon'tknowhowithappened....ButSonyawasright:Ilovedheragonizinglyandpassionately,withthefirstloveofamanwhohadnotknownloveuntiltheageoftwenty-five.Iwantedtotearheroutofthehellofmiseryinwhichshewasplunged,tocarryherawayinmyarms,somewherefarfaraway,tolullheruponmybreastsothatshewouldforget,toseethatlifelessfacebrightenwithahappysmile.AndSonyahadtoldmeallthatinasingleline."Donotthinkaboutme.Idonotwanttosaythatyoushouldforgetmealtogether,butmerelythatyoushouldnotthinkaboutcausingmeanypain.Ishallnotcomplainofabrokenheart,andshallItellyouwhy?Becauseitisnotbrokenatall.Ihavegotusedtoregardingyoubothasabrotherandafiance:theformerwasreal,butthelatter,Ibelieve,peopleinventedandforceduponus.Ilov

eyoubetterthananyoneelseintheworld;Ineedhardlyhavewrittenthat,becauseyouknowityourself;butwhenIreadyourlastletterandtoldmyselfthetruthaboutyouandNadezhdaNikolayevna-believeme,mydear,notadropofbitternessmingledwithmyfeeling.IunderstoodthatIamasistertoyou,notawife;IunderstooditfromthejoywhichIfeltatyourhappiness-joymixedwithfearforyou.Idonotconcealthisfear;butmayGodhelpyoutosaveher,andbehappy,andmakeherhappy."FromwhatyouhavewrittenmeaboutNadezhdaNikolayevna,Ithinkthatsheisworthyofyourlove...."AnewjoyousfeelinggraduallytookpossessionofmeasIreadthoselines.IdidnotshareSonya'sfears;whatdidIhavetofear?WhenandhowithappenedIdonotknow,butIbelievedinNadezhdaNikolayevna.Allherpastlife,ofwhichIknewnothing,andherfall-theonlythinginherlifethatIdidknow-seemedt

omesomethingaccidental,unreal,anerroroffate,inwhichNadezhdaNikolayevnawasnottoblame.Somethinghadrusheduponher,spunherround,knockedheroffherfeet,andflungherintothemud,butIwouldliftheroutofit,presshertomyheartandassuagetheanguishofthatbruisedlife.Asharploudringatthedoormademestart.Idon'tknowwhyIdidit,butwithoutwaitingforAgafyatocomeshufflinguptoopenthedoor,Irushedoutandunbolteditmyself.Thedoorflewopen,andSemyon,seizingmyhands,hoppedaboutononespot,shoutinginashrillhappyvoice:"I'vebroughther,Andrei,I'vebroughther!"Behindhimstoodadarkfigure.Irusheduptoher,seizedhertremblinghandsandbegantokissthem,scarcelyhearingwhatshewassayingtomeinavoicethatwasdeepwithemotionandsuppressedtears.

XIV

Thethreeofussattogetherforalongtimeonthatmemorableevening.Wetalked,andjoked,andlaughed;NadezhdaNikolayevnawascalmandseeminglyevencheerful.IdidnotaskGelfreichwhereandhowhehadfoundher,andhehimselfdidnotsayawordaboutit.BetweenmeandhernothingwassaidtohintatallthatIhadbeenthinkingoverandfeelingbeforeherarrival.Itwashardlymodestyorindecisionthatrestrainedme;itwassimplythatIconsidereditneedless,superfluous;Iwasafraidtoturntheknifeinherwoundedsoul.Iwasastalkativeandcheerfulasever;Gelfreichexpressedhisdelightwithboisterousgayety



;hebeamed,talkedwithoutastopandsometimesmadeNadezhdaNikolayevnasmileathisantics.Agafyalaidthetableandbroughtinthesamovar.Wheneverythingwasarrangedtohersatisfaction,shestoodbythedoor,cheekinhand,surveyingusallforseveralminutesandwatchingNadezhdaNikolayevnabrewingtheteaandactingthehostess."Isthereanythingyouneed,Agafya?"Iasked."Ineednothing,mydear,I'mjustlookingatyou.Can'tanoldwomanlookwithoutgivingoffence!"shesaid."I'mjustlookingattheyoungladytheredoingthehonours.Itdoesmegoodtoseeit."NadezhdaNikolayevnahungherhead."Itdoesmakeanicechange,afterseeingthemendoingeverythingforthemselves-pouringoutthetea,andallthat.Excusingtheliberty,AndreiNikolayevich,butI'mbeginningtofindthingsabitdullheretoowithoutamistressaboutthehouse."Sheturnedawayandshuffledoffdownthepassage.Ourgayetyvanished.NadezhdaNikolayevnagotupandbeganpacingtheroom.Mypaintingstoodinacorner.Ihadnotgoneuptoitforsomedays,andthepaintonithaddried.NadezhdaNikolayevnalookedatherpictureforalongtime,thenturnedtomeandsaidwithasmile:"Weshallsoonbefinishednow.Iwillnotmakeanymorebreakslikethat.Itwillbereadyingoodtimefortheexhibition.""Howyouresembleit!"Semyoninterposed.Shebrokeoffabruptly,asifasuddenthoughtpreventedherfromspeaking,andmovedawayfromthepicturewithafrowningface.

"What'sthematter,NadezhdaNikolayevna?Frowningagain!"Isaid."Nothingmuch,AndreiNikolayevich.Ireallydoresemblethatpictureverymuch.Itoccurredtomethatmanypeopleknowme,toomany....Icanimaginewhatisgoingtohappen...."Shewasbreathinghardandtearsstoodinhereyes."Iwasthinkingofallthetalk,allthequestionsyouwouldhavetolistento!"sheresumed."'Whoisshe?Wheredidyoufindher?'AndthepeopletoaskwillbethosewhoknowwhoIamandwhereIwastobefound....""NadezhdaNikolayevna....""Youdidnotshunme,AndreiNikolayevich,youanddearSemyon;Iwasahumanbeingtoyou.Itisthefirsttimethishashappenedtomeinthreeyears.Ididnotbelieveinmyself....DoyouknowwhyIleftyou?Ithought(forgivemeforit!),Ithoughtyouwereliketherestofthem.Ithought-there,I,myface,m

ybodyhavecomeinusefulforsomething,andsoIcametoyou.Thepicturewasnearingcompletion,youwerepoliteandtactfultowardsme;Iwasnotusedtobeingtreatedlikethatanddidnotbelieveinmyself.Ididnotwanttoexperienceacertainkindofblow,becausesuchablowwouldhavehurtmeveryverymuch...."Shesatdowninthedeeparmchairanddabbedhereyeswithherhandkerchief."Forgiveme,"shecontinued."Ididnotbelieveyou,anditwaswithhorrorthatIawaitedthemomentwhenyouwouldatlastlookatmewiththeeyesIhadgrownsousedtoduringtheselastthreeyears,becausenooneduringthosethreeyearshaslookedatmeinanyotherway-----"Shestopped;herfacewasdistortedwithpain,andherlipsquivered.Shelookedintothefarcorneroftheroomasifshesawsomethingthere."Therewasoneman,onlyone,whodidnotlookatmelikealltherest...orli

keyou.ButI...."GelfreichandIlistenedtoherwithbatedbreath."ButIkilledhim...."shebreathedinabarelyaudiblevoice.Afitofwilddespairseizedher;acryofanguishbrokefromhertorturedbreastandpiteouschildlikesobsrentthesilenceoftheroom.

XV

FromBessonov'sdiary.Iamwaitingforsomethingtohappen.Iwentthererecentlyandsawthemtogether.AllthewillpowerthatIpossesswasinsufficientto



enablemetogoonwearingthemaskofindifferenceandpolitenessthatIhaveputon;IfeltthatifIstayedanotherquarterofanhourIwouldcastitoffandshowmyrealface.Thewomanisunrecognizable.Ihaveknownherforthreeyears,andhavegrownaccustomedtotakingherforwhatshewasduringthoseyears.NowIseethechangethathastakenplaceinher,andIdon'tunderstandher;Idon'tknowwhetherthatchangeisgenuine,orwhetheritismerelyaroleskilfullyplayedbyawretchedcreaturewhoisaccustomedtodeceiveherselfandothers.Icouldnotmakeoutanythingabouttheirrelations.Idonotevenknowwhethershehasbecomehismistressornot.SomehowIdonotthinkshehas.Ifso,sheisclevererthanIthought.Whatissheaimingat?Tobecomehiswife?Onre-readingthesefewlinesIfindthateverythingwritteninthemisuntrue,exceptthefactthatshehaschanged.Imyself,threeyearsago,noticedsomethingaboutherthatoneseldommeetswithamongwomeninherposition.Imyselfverynearlyadoptedtheroleofsaviour,whichLopatinisnowplayingwithsuchmagnanimity.ButIwasthenmoreexperiencedthanheisnow:Iknewthatnothingwouldcomeofit,soIgaveitupwithouteventryingtodoanything.Inadditiontotheusualobstaclesthatexistinthisrespect,hernaturepresentedoneparticularobstacle-akindofsheerobstinacyanddefiance.Isawthatshehadgiveneverythingupashopeless,andwouldresistmyveryfirstattempt.AndIdidnotmakethatattempt.DidLopatin?Idon'tknow.Imerelyseethatthewomanisunrecognizable.ThatshehasgivenupherformerwayoflifeIknowforafact.Shehasmovedtoapokylittleroom,keepsbothGelfreichandthatsaviourofhersoutofit,goesto

hisroomstositforhim,anddoessewingbesides.Shelivesverypoorly.Sheislikeadrunkardwhohastakenthepledgenottodrink.Willshekeepit?Willthatsentimentalartist,whodoesnotknowlifeandunderstandsnothingaboutit,helphertodoit?YesterdayIwrotemymotheradetailedletter.ShewillprobablydoexactlywhatIwanthertodo-womenlovetomeddleinsuchaffairs-andpassitallontoSophiaMikhailovna.Perhapsthatwillsavehim.Savehim!WhydoIworryabouthissalvation?Ihavenevertakensuchaninterestinotherpeople'saffairsinallmylife.WhatisittomewhetherLopatintakesupwiththatwomanornot,whetherhedragsheroutofthemudorispulleddowninithimself,andruinshislifeandneglectshistalentinwastedefforts?Iamnotgiventoreflectingandrummagingaboutinmysoul;andnow,forthefirsttimeinmylifeIamobligedtoprobeandanalysemyfeelings.Icannotmak

eoutwhatisgoingonwithinmeandwhyItakeonasIdo.Ithought(andIstillthink)thatitisonlyaselflessdesiretoavertdisasterforamantowardswhomIamwelldisposed.Butoncloserexaminationofmythoughts,Iseethatitisnotquiteso.Why,ifIamdesirousofsavinghim,doIthinkmoreabouther;whydoesherface,oncesoprovocativeandfullofmirth,andnowsowistfulandgentle,risetomymindeveryminuteoftheday;whyisitshe,andnothe,whofillsmysoulwithsuchastrangeandbafflingemotioninwhichillwillispredominant?Yes,perhapsitistruethatIamnotsomuchconcernedindoinghimgoodasdoingher....What?Ill?No,Idonotwishherill.AndyetIwouldliketotearherawayfromhim,depriveherofhisprotection,inwhich,perhaps,allherhopeslie....Oh,canitbethatIwishtostandinLopatin'splace!Imustseehertoday.Thiswholeaffairgivesmenopeace.Ican'twork,Ican't

doanything.Myworkisgoingslow,andIhavenotdonehalfasmuchtheselasttwoweeksasIusedtodointwodays.Thisquestionmustbesettledsomehow.Imusthaveitout,makeitcleartomyself,andthen...thenwhat?Giveitup?Never!Mywholepriderisesupatthemeresuggestion.Ifoundher.Icouldhavesaved,butIdidn'twantto.NowIdo.

XVI

Lopatin'snotes.Gelfreichranforthedoctorwholivedonthesamestaircase;Ibroughtsomewater,andsoonthehystericalfitwasover.NadezhdaNikolayevna



wassittinginacornerofthesofa,towhichGelfreichandIhadcarriedher,astifledsobescapinghereverynowandthen.Iwasafraidtodisturbher,andwentintothenextroom.Thedoctorwasnotathome,andSemyoncamebacktofindthatshehadalreadycalmeddown.Shegotuptogoaway,andSemyonofferedtoseeherhome.Shepressedmyhandandlookedmestraightinthefacewithtear-filledeyes,anexpressionoftimidgratitudeonherface.Aweekwentby,thenafortnight,amonth.Oursittingscontinued.Truthtotell,Iendeavouredtodragthemout;IdonotknowwhethersheunderstoodthatIwasdoingthisonpurpose,butsheoftenhurriedme.Shewascalmer,andsometimes-althoughnotveryoften-cheerful.Shetoldmeherwholestory.Idebatedwithmyselfforalongtimewhethertoputthatstorydowninmydiaryornot.Idecidednotto.Whoknowswhathandsthisnotebookmightfallinto.EvenifIknewforcertainthatnoonebutSonyaandGelfreichwouldreadit,IwouldnevermentionNadezhdaNikolayevna'spastthere:theybothknowitwell.Asbefore,Iconcealednothingfrommycousin,andgaveherthewholelongandbitterstoryofNadezhdaNikolayevnainthelettersIwroteheratthetime.Gelfreichgotitfromherownmouth.Consequently,therewasnoneedforthemtoreadthestoryinmydiary.Asforothers...Idonotwantotherstojudgeher!Ilearnedthewholestoryofherlife,andwasherjudge,andIforgavehereverythingthat,intheopinionoftheworld,callsforforgiveness.Iwasmadetherecipientofherpainfulconfessionandthestoryofhermisfortunes,themostterriblemisfortunesthatcouldeverbefallawoman,and

itwasnotcensurethatstirredinmybreast,butafeelingofshame,thehumiliatingfeelingofamanwhoconsidershimselftoblamefortheevilheistoldabout.Thefinalepisodeofherhistoryfilledmewithhorrorandcompassion;thewordswhichshehadspokenthateveningwhenGelfreichhadbroughtherandshehadhadthatfitofhysterics,hadnotbeenemptywords.Shehadreallykilledamanwithoutknowingit.Hewantedtosaveher,buthecouldnot.Hisweakhandswerepowerlesstokeepheronthebrink,andhavingfailed,hewentoverithimself.Heshothimself.Shehadtoldmethedreadfulstorywithasortofdry-eyedtonelessdetermination,andIcouldnotgetitoutofmymindforalongtime.Couldabrokenheartbemended,couldsuchfrightfulwoundsbehealed?Butthewoundsseemedtohavehealed.Shegrewsteadilycalmer,andthesmilereturnedtoherfacemoreoften.Shecametomeeverydayandstayedwithusfordinner.Afterdinnerweallthreesatonforalongtime,andwhatweonlytalked

about,GelfreichandI,duringthosequiethours!NadezhdaNikolayevnaputawordinonceinawhile.Iparticularlyrememberoneofthosetalks.Gelfreich,whilestillcontinuingwithhiscats,hadbegunassiduouslytopaintsketches.Headmittedoncethathewasworkingsohardbecausehewasplanningapicture,whichhewouldpaint"perhapsinfive,perhapsintenyears'time.""Whysolong,Semyon?"Iasked,barelyabletosuppressasmileatthesolemnairofgravitywithwhichhemadeknownhisintentions."Becauseitisaseriousthing.It'salifework,Andrei.Youthinkthatonlytallpeoplewithstraightbacksandstraightchestscanplanseriousthings?Oh,youconceitedlonglegs!Believeme,"heproceededwithaffectedsolemnity,"greatfeelingsmayliehiddenbetweenthesehumps,andgreatthoughtsmaybehatchedinthislongbox"(hetappedthesideofhishead).

"Isthatgreatthoughtasecret?"askedNadezhdaNikolayevna.Helookedatthetwoofusforamomentinsilence,thensaid:"No,itisnot.Iwilltellyou.Theideaoccurredtomealongtimeago.Listen.PrinceVladimirtheBrightSunwasoncewrothwithIlyaofMuromforhisboldspeeches,andcommandedhimtobeseized,andlockedupinadeepdungeonandimmuredinit.TheoldCossackwasledawaytohisdeath.But,asitalwayshappens,thePrincessYevpraksinia'inthosedayswasquick-witted:shefoundasecretpassagetoIlyaandsenthimawafereverydaywithwaterandwaxtaperstoreadtheBibleby.AndaBible,too,shesenthim."Semyonpausedreflectively,andwassilentforsolongthatIwasmovedatlast



toask,"Well,Semyon?""That'sall,"hesaid."Ofcourse,thePrince,beforelong,hadneedoftheoldCossack:theTatarshadcomeandtherewasnoonetodeliverKievinherhourofsoreneed.Vladimirthendeeplyrepentedofwhathehaddone.ButYevpraksiniaforthwithbademengointothedungeonsdeepandleadIlyaforthbyhislily-whitehands.Ilyaborenomalice,hemountedhisgoodsteed,andsoonandsoforth.HeputalltheTatarstothesword.That'sall.""Butwheredoesthepicturecomein?"Semyonlookedatmewithanexpressionofexaggeratedastonishmentandthrewuphishands."Anartist!Anartist,hecallshimself!AndofallmenLopatin,AndreiLopatin!Why,therearethirty,threehundred,threethousandpictureshere,ifyouwanttoknow,butIwillchooseonlyoneandpaintit;I'llpaintitordieintheattempt!Can'tyouseehimsittinginthedungeon?Doesitnotpresentitselftoyouasifitwerereal?Justimagine:acave,acellar,anydarkholelikethecavesofKiev.Narrowpassages,asmallnicheinthewall.Dust,cobwebs,mould-somethingweirdandsinister,madestillmoreweirdbythelightofawaxtaper.AndIlyasitsuponthestep,infrontofhimalectern,andonthelecternagreatholybookwiththickleavesofparchmentyellowandwarpedwithage,andwiththecharactersontheminredandblack.TheoldCossacksitsthereinhisshirt,readingattentivelyandturningoverthestiffleavesofthebookwithbigroughhands,thehandsofapeasantusedtothebridle,thespearandthesword,orsimplytheclub.Theyaretoil-worn,too,thosehands,andalifetimeofhardworkhasmadethemshaky,sothattheyturnovertheleavesoftheholybookwit

hdifficulty."Ah,mydearchap,"Gelfreichsuddenlybrokeoff,"thetroubleistherewerenospectaclesinthosedays.Iftherehadbeen,Yevpraksiniawouldsurelyhavesenthimapair-big,round,silver-rimmedspectacles.Lifeinthesteppemusthavemadehimfar-sighted,don'tyouthinkso?"Webothburstoutlaughing.Gelfreichlookedatusperplexedly,then,asitdawnedonhimwhatwewerelaughingat,hesmiledhimself.Buthedroppedbackintothesolemnveinofhisnarrative,andproceeded:"Ileaveyoutoimaginewhateyeshehad;theyarethemostdifficulttodescribe.Theeyesmeaneverythingtome.Eyesandlips.Wellthen,hesitsthere,reading.TheSermonontheMount.Andhereadstherethatwhosoevershallbesmittenupontherightcheekshallturntheotheralso.Andhereadsthatpassageandunderstandsitnot.Ilyahadtoiledhardallhislife;amultitudeofPechenegs,

Tatarsandrobbershadheslain;manyafoulfiend,fire-breathingserpent,warlock,andwickedgianthadhevanquished;deedsofvalourhadheperformedallhislife,guardingtheprecinctsofChristianRusagainsttheheathen;hehadbelievedinChrist,andprayedtohim,andthoughthewasfulfillinghisbehests.Hehadnotknownwhatstoodwritteninthebook.Andnowhesitsandthinks:'Whosoevershallsmitetheeonthyrightcheek,turntohimtheotheralso.'Howisthat,LordGod?Icanunderstandifsomeonesmitesme,butwhatifawomaniswronged,orachildill-treated,ortheheathenscometorobandslayThyservants,OLord?Nottouchthem?Leavethemtoplunderandkill?Nay,Lord,IcannotobeyThee!Ishallmountmygoodsteed,takemyspearinmyhand,andgoforthtodobattleinThyname,forIunderstandnotThywisdom;Thouhastgivenmysoulavoice,andIlistentothatandnottoThee!'Andhishandquivers,andtheyellowleafofthebookwiththeredandblackcharactersinitquiverstoo.Theca

ndleburnswithafeebleflame;athinblackwispofsmokecurlsupwardsanddisappearsinthedarkness.AndonlyIlyaandthebookareilluminedbythatlight,justthetwo...."Semyonbecamesilentandthoughtful,leaningbackinthearmchairandgazingupattheceiling."Yes,"Isaidafteralongsilence,"thatisagoodpicture,Semyon.Onlyitsoundsbetterthanitwilllookinpaintandcanvas.Howareyougoingtoexpressit?""Iwilldoitforcertain,Iwill!"Semyonexclaimedearnestly."Iwilldoit!Iwillputthatquestionmark-IlyaandtheBible.Whatisthereincommonbetween



them?Forthatbookthereisnogreatersinthankilling,andIlyahadbeenkillingallhislifelong.Thehorseheridesonisallhungaboutwithinstrumentsofexecution-notdeath,butexecution,forheexecutes.Andwhenthatarsenalrunsloworisnotathand,hefillshishelmetwithsandandlaysabouthimwiththat.Andyetheisasaint.IsawhiminKiev.Helieswithalltherestofthem.Andrightlyso....""Thatisquiteright,Semyon,butit'snotwhatImeant.Paintwillnotbeabletoexpressit.""Nonsense!Evenifitdoesn'texpressitfully,thereisnoharm.Thequestionwillhavebeenput....Waitaminute!"Semyoncriedexcitedly,seeingthatIwasabouttointerrupthim."Youwillsaythequestionhasalreadybeenput?Soithas.Butitisnotenough.Ithastobeputeveryday,everyhour,everyminute.Itmustgivepeoplenopeace.AndifIthinkIcanpaintapicturethatwillconveyevenatenthofwhatIwantittoconvey,thenImustdoit.Ihavebeenwantingtodoitforalongtime,onlythesehavebeenputtingmeoff."Hebentdown,pickedupthetawnycat,whichhadbeensittingontherugasiflisteningattentivelytohisspeech,andplaceditonhisknees."You'redoingthesamething,aren'tyou?"Semyonwenton."Doesn'tyourpictureexpressthesamequestion?Howdoyouknowwhetherthatwomanactedrightly?Youmakepeoplethink,that'sall.Andapartfromtheaestheticfeelingthateverypicturearousesinus,andwhich,initself,isnotreallyworthmuch,isitnotthatwhichgivesmeaningtowhatwearedoing?""Gelfreich,mydearSemyon,"NadezhdaNikolayevnasaidsuddenly,"Ihaveneverseenyoulikethis.Ialwaysknewyouhadanobleheart,but...."

"ButyouthoughtIwasasillylittlehunchback?Doyouremembercallingmethatonce?"Helookedather,andmusthavenoticedashadowcrossherface,forheadded:"Forgivemeforbringingthisup.Thoseyearsshouldbewipedoutofourmemory.Everythingwillgowell.Itwill,Andrei,won'tit?"Inodded.Iwasveryhappythen:IsawthatNadezhdaNikolayevnawasgraduallyquietingdown,and-whoknows?-perhapsthelastthreeyearsofherlifewouldcometobeamerefar-awaymemoryinsteadofanactualexperience,abadhazydreamfromwhichoneawakenstofindthenightquietandpeaceful,theroomunchanged,andoneisgladthatitwasonlyadream.

XVII

Winterwaspassing.Thesunkeptrisinghigher,warmingSt.Petersburg'sstreetsandroofs.Thedrainpipeseverywherewerenoisywiththawingwaterandfallingicicles.Wheeledcabsappeared,rumblingoverthethawedpatchesofcobble-stoneroadwaywitharevivedsoundthatwasnewtotheear.Ihadfinishedmypicture.AfterseveralmoresittingsIcouldtakeittotheacademyandsubmitittotheexhibitionexpertsfortheirjudgement.Gelfreichcongratulatedmeonmysuccessinadvance.NadezhdaNikolayevnalookedatthepicturewithpleasure,andIoftencaughtanexpressionofquietcontentmentonherfacethatIhadnotseentherebefore.Attimesshewasevengayandjocular,mostlyatSemyon'sexpense.Thelatterwascompletelyengrossedinreadingamultitudeofbooks,which,hesaid,werenecessaryforthepicturehewasgoingtopaint,andexaminingalbumswithallkindsofantiquitiesandstudyingtheBible.Hiscatshadrunaway,allexceptthepermanenttawnyfavourite,whonowlivedin

retirement,andwashardlyeverbotheredbyhismastertodischargethedutiesofamodel.SinceourlasttalkaboutIlyaofMurom,Semyonhadpaintedonlyonepicture,whichhehadsoldforahundredandfiftyrubles;thismoney,hesaid,wouldlasthimalongtime,allthemorethat,tomygreatsurprise,hewasnotintheleastembarrassedbyhislongsojournatmyplace,wherelifecosthimnothing.Weallthreespentmostofourleisurehourstogether.GelfreichsecuredsomewhereforNadezhdaNikolayevnaahugemanuscript,containingtheprojectofsomeimportantpersonage-aprojectunderwhichRussiawastoderiveatremendousbenefitwithintheverynearfuture-andshecopieditoutinafinelargehand.Since



thisgreatbenefittoRussiarequiredratherintensivebrainwork,theprojectwasamendedandsupplementedwithoutend,andhasnot,Ibelieve,reachedcompletiontothisday.Iwonderwhoiscopyingitoutnow,afterNadezhdaNikolayevna?Inanycaseshewasnotneedy.Themoneythatsheearnedbycopyingandsittingformesufficedforaliving.Shelodgedinthesamelittleroomwhereshehadmovedtowhengoingintohiding.Itwasalownarrowroomwithasinglewindowoverlookingablankwall;abed,achestofdrawers,twochairsandacard-table,whichservedbothforwritingandmeals,comprisedtheappointmentsoftheplace.WheneverIwenttherewithSemyon,hewouldgointothekitchenandaskthelandladyforastool.Thesevisits,however,wererare;theroomwasveryuninvitingandcheerless,yetNadezhdaNikolayevnawouldnothearofleavingit.Forthemostpartwegatheredatmyapartment,wheretheroomswerebrightandspacious.NotoncehadIspokentoheraboutwhatwastakingplaceinmyheart.Iwascontentedandhappyinthepresent;Iunderstoodthatanincautioustouchmightreopenwoundsthatwereperhapsstillraw.ImightloseherforeverwereInowtoinsistuponthefulfilmentofmymostcherishedthought,desire,andhope.Iwouldnothavebeenableperhapstokeepsocalmandself-restrainedforsolonghadthathopenotbeensostrong.Ifirmlybelievedthatinanothersixmonths,orayear,oreventwoyears(timedidnotfrightenme),whenshewouldhavebecomeheroldselfagain,restoredinmindandbody,shewouldseebesideherafirmsupportuponwhichshecouldlean,andwouldbecomemineforalifetime.Itwasmorethanhopereally,Iknewforcertainthatshewouldbemywife.IdonotknowwhetherBessonovunderstoodthis.Hisoccasionalvisitsweredistu

rbingtoourtranquillityandintroducedanelementofembarrassmentintoourconversation.OutwardlyhewascalmandlookedatNadezhdaNikolayevnawithequanimity.Sheneverspoketohimunlessitwastoanswerhisquestions,andlistenedtohisdiscoursesonavarietyofsubjects.Hewasextremelywell-readandspokewell.Oddlyenough,thissmoothloquacityofhisstruckmeasbeingamasktohidefromussomethingthatwaspreyingonhismind.AfterwardsIlearnedthatthiswasso,thathisapparentcalmnessconcealedafesteringsorethatwaskillinghim,likethatsaintlyFrenchdivinewhowassaidtobeinvulnerableandworearedcloakduringbattleinordertoconcealthebloodthatflowedfromhiswounds.ButIlearnedthatwhenitwasalreadytoolate.Forsomereasonhehadmovedbacktothecaptain's"hotel."Iwentthereonce.Thisroom,likehisoldone,waslitteredwithbooks,periodicals,andpapers,butIthoughttheywerelyingaboutingreatdisorderandwerecoveredwithdust,

asifnoonehaddoneanyworkinthisroomforalongtime.Athomehebehaveddifferently,notashedidatourplaceinthepresenceofNadezhdaNikolayevna;hespokeverylittleandpacedupanddowntheroomgloomily,smokingacigarette.IfeltthatIwasunwelcomeanddecidednottogothereanymore.Iaskedhim,bytheway,whetherheknewanythingaboutthecaptainandwhetheritwastruethathehadbeena"soldierofMekhovandOpatov.""Hehasmadeitup,"Bessonovsaid."Heisn'tevenarealPole.HeadoptedtheGreekOrthodoxreligionalongtimeago,andIthinkheisjusttryingtoimpresstheyoungpeoplewhenherevealshissupposedsecrettothem."TwoincidentsafterthatvisittoBessonovopenedmyeyestohisbehaviour.Firstofall,SonyasentmealetterdescribingaconversationthathadtakenplacebetweenherselfandBessonov'smother.Theoldladysometimespaidheravisitattheinstituteforoldtimes'sake:sheneverforgottheinterestSonya'sm

otherhadalwaystakeninherandherson.Accordingtomycousin,shecalledthistimelookingexcitedandmysterious,andafterseveralawkwardandramblingintroductions,revealedthepurposeofhervisit.HersonSergeihadwrittenherindetailabouteverythingthathadhappenedtous.Thepicturehehadpaintedwasasblackashecouldmakeit.HedidnotaskhismothertoconveythecontentsofthelettertoSonya,buttheoldlady,outofgratitude,decidedherselftogoandtellhereverythinginordertowarnherthatsheshoulddosomethingaboutitwhileIcouldstillbesaved.Shewasastonishedtohearthatmycousinalreadyknewallaboutit.Shewasupset.Shefell-ashamed,anoldwomanlikeher,tellingagirlsuchthings,butwhatcouldshedo?PoorAndreihadtobesaved



atallcost.IfshewereinSonya'splaceshewouldleavetheinstituteandgoatoncetoSt.Petersburgtoopenmyeyes."Bessonov,"wroteSonya,"isplayingapeculiarroleinallthisaffair.Idonotbelievethathehaswrittenallthattohismotherwithoutknowingthatshewouldbesuretopassitontome,and,Ishouldsaymore,withoutwishinghertodoso."IwillcomeuptoSt.Petersburg,butnotuntilaftertheexaminations.Ifyouagree,wecanspendthesummersomewhereinthecountry,andIwillstudyupabittomakeiteasierformeatthecourses."Thisletterupsetme,butanotherletterimmediatelyfollowingit,alonganonymousletter,filledthecup.Theunknownauthor,inhighflownfloridlanguage,warnedmeagainstthefatethatawaitedallyoungmenwhoabandonedthemselvestotheirpassionsandwereblindtotheshortcomingsofthecreaturewithwhomtheyintendedtouniteinwedlock,"thetiesofwhich,atfirstlightandunnoticeable,eventuallybecomeaheavychainlikethatwhichwretchedconvictsdragaboutwiththem."Suchwerethetermsinwhichtheunknownauthorexpressedhimself."Takethehonestwordofanexperiencedoldman,Mr.Lopatin,thatinequalityinmarriageisaveryterriblething.Itisathingthathasrobbedtheworldofmanyagreattalent;pleaserememberthat,Mr.Lopatin."ThenfollowedaregularindictmentagainstNadezhdaNikolayevna,whosesoulwascalled"thepreyofhell"(hereIdefinitelyrecognizedthehandofthecaptain).Shewasaccusedofalonglifeoflustandvice,whichshecouldhaveabandonedhadshewished,"becauseshehasrelativesofherfamily,thoughverydistantones,who-Iamsure-wouldraisethefallenwomanfro

mherpresentsocialposition,butowingtoanaturaldepravity,thatwomanhaschosentowallowinthemudfromwhichyouarevainlyattemptingtosaveher,inwhichattempt,withoutadoubt,youwillruinyourownlifeandyourwonderfultalent."Shewasaccusedofhavingkilledaman,"andaveryrespectablegentlemanhewastoo,notendowedwithsuchgiftsasyou,butnonethelessanexcellentmanwhoreceivedasalaryoffiftyrublesamonthandhadexpectationsofincreasingit,sufficientlyforthetwoofthemtomakeacomfortablelivingon,forwhatmorecouldsuchacreatureasthatwretchreckonon,butshechosetorejectthatyounggentleman,Mr.Nikitin,inordertocontinueinherwickedways...."Itwasaverylongletter,andIthrewitintotheburningstovewithoutfinishingit.ThatBessonovhadhadahandinthisIwasalmostcertain.Whyshouldthecaptainworryaboutsavingmysoul?Thebloodrushedtomyhead,andmyfirsti

mpulsewastorunandseeBessonov.Idon'tknowwhatIwouldhavedonetohim.Thecaptainwasfurthestfrommythoughts;thatrenegade,whoconcealedhisdesertion,hadbeenpersuaded,madedrunkperhaps,orintimidatedinsomeway.IsnatchedupmyhatandwasalreadyatthedoorwhenIcollectedmyself.Ihadbettercalmdownabitbeforedecidingwhattodo.Strengthenedinthisresolve,andwhilewaitingforNadezhdaNikolayevnatocome,Itriedtopaintsomeoftheaccessoriesofmypictureinthebeliefthatworkwouldhelptocomposeme,butthebrushdancedaboutoverthecanvasandmyeyescouldnotdistinguishthecolours.Idressedwiththeintentionofgoingoutandgettingsomefreshair;openingthedoor,IsawNadezhdaNikolayevnastandingbeforeitpaleandbreathless,withalookofterrorinherdilatedeyes.

XVIII

FromBessonov'sdiary.Whatagonyofmind!Theyearning!Itgivesmenopeace,nomatterwhereIam,nomatterwhatIdotoforgetit,todeadenitsomehow.Myeyeshavebeenopenedatlast;itisamonthsinceIhavewrittenanythinginthisdiary,andthatmonthhasdecidedeverything.Whathashappenedtothatbelaudedphilosophiccalmofmine?Wherearemysleeplessnightsspentatwork?I,whopridedmyselfonhavingcharacterinthesecharacterlesstimes,havebeencrushedanddestroyedbytheburstofastorm.Whatstorm?Isthatastorm?Idespisemyself,despisemyselfformyformerpride,whichdidnotpreventmefrombendingtoanidlepassion;despisemyselfforhavingallowedthisdemonintheimag



eofawomantotakepossessionofmysoul.Yes,ifIbelievedinthesupernatural,Icouldnotaccountforwhathashappenedotherwisethanasadiabolicalpossession.Ihavere-readtheselines....Whathumiliating,pitifulcomplaints!Oh,whereismypride,wheremystrengthofwillthatenabledmetokeepmygriponlifeandliveitthewayIwanted?Idemeanedmyselftopettyintriguebywritingalettertomymother,whonodoubtpasseditallontohiscousin,asIhadintended,butnothingcameofit;inmyimpatienceImadeanoldilliteratefoolwritealettertoLopatin-andnothingwillcomeofthat,either,Iknowit.Hewillthrowtheletterinthefire,or,stillworse,showittoher,hismistress,andtheywillreadittogetherandlaughattheilliterateeffusionsofthecaptain'ssoulandmakefunofme,fortheywillunderstandthatnoonebutIcouldhaveinstigatedthecaptaintosuchavulgaraction.Hismistress!Butisshe?Theworddroppedfrommypen,butIdon'tknowtothisdaywhetheritistrueornot.Andifitisnot?Whatifthereisstillhopeforme?Whatmakesmethinkthatheisinlovewithherexceptvaguesuspicions,excitedbymadjealousy?Threeyearsagoitwasallpossibleandeasy.IliedinthisverydiarywhenIwrotethatIhadgivenherupbecauseIhadseennowayofsavingher.Atanyrate,Iwasdeceivingmyself.Shecouldeasilyhavebeensaved.AllIhadtodowastobenddownandpickherup.Ididnotwanttobenddown.Ididnotrealizethistillnow,whenmyheartachesforloveofher.Love!No,thisisnotlove,thisisamadpassion,aconsumingfire.Howtoextinguishit?Iwillgoandhaveatalkwithher.Iwillsummonallmyforcesandspeakcalmly

.Letherchoosebetweenmeandhim.Iwilltellhernothingbutthetruth,Iwilltellherthatshecannotrelyonthatimpressionableman,whothinksofhertoday,buttomorrowwillbeabsorbedinsomethingelseandforgetabouther.Iamgoing!Thismustbeputanendtoonewayoranother.Ican'tstandthetortureanylonger.Thesameday.Ihaveseenher.Iamnowgoingtoseehim.Thesearethelastlinesthatwillbewritteninthisdiary.Nothingcanrestrainme.Ihavelostcontrolofmyself....

XIX

Lopatirisnotes.Whatisthesenseindraggingoutthesenotes?HadInotbetter

leavemyreminiscencesatthis?No,Iwillfinishthem.Allthesame,ifIthrowupmypenandthisnotebook,Iwillrelivethatterribledayforthethousandthtime;forthethousandthtimeIwillexperiencethehorror,thepangsofremorse,theagonyofloss;forthethousandthtimethescenewhichIamnowabouttodescribewillpassbeforemyeyesinallitsdetails,andeveryoneofthosedetailswillshattermyheartwiththeforceofterriblenewblows.Ishallcontinuetilltheend.IconductedNadezhdaNikolayevnaintotheroom;shecouldscarcelystandonherlegsandwastremblingaswithfever.Shelookedatmewiththesameterrifiedglanceandforthefirstminutecouldnotutteraword.Imadehersitdownandgavehersomewater."AndreiNikolayevich,beware.Lockthedoor...donotletanyonein.Heiscoming."

"Who,Bessonov?""Lockthedoor,"shewhispered.Angerwelledupinme.Anonymousletterswerenotenough,hethreatenedviolence."Whathashedonetoyou?Wheredidyouseehim?Calmyourself.Havesomemorewaterandtellmeaboutit.Wheredidyouseehim?""Hecametomyroom....""Forthefirsttime?""No.Hecametwicebefore.Ididnotwanttotellyousoasnottomakeyouangry.Iaskedhimtostopcoming;ItoldhimthatIcouldn'tbeartoseehim.Hewe



ntawaywithoutsayingaword,andkeptawayforthreeweeks.TodayhecameearlyandwaitedtillIhaddressed."Shepaused.Itwasdifficultforhertocontinue."Well?""Ineversawhimlikethatbefore.Hespokecalmlyatfirst.Itwasaboutyou.Hesaidnothingbadaboutyou,heonlysaidthatyouwereanimpressionablemanwhowasapttobecarriedaway,andthatIcouldnotrelyuponyou.Hesimplysaidthatyouwoulddropme,becauseyouwouldsoongettiredofitall...."Shebrokeoffandbegantocry.Oh,neverhadsuchloveandcompassiontakenpossessionofme!Itookhercoldhandsandkissedthem.Iwasdeliriouslyhappy;thewordstumbledfrommylipsunrestrainedly.IsaidthatIlovedherandwouldloveheraslongasIlived,thatshemustbemywife,thatshesawandknewthatBessonovwaswrong.Itoldherathousandabsurdwords,happywords,forthemostpartmeaningless,butsheunderstoodthem.Isawhersweetface,radiantwithjoy,uponmybreast;itwasquiteanew,somewhatunfamiliarface,notthefacewiththatsecretanguishinitsfeatureswhichIhadbeenaccustomedtoseeing.Shesmiled,andcried,andkissedmyhands,andsnuggleduptome.Atthatmomenttherewasnotasoulinalltheworldexceptustwo.Shesaidsomethingabouthowhappyshewas,howshehadcometolovemefromtheveryfirstdaysofouracquaintance,andhowshehadrunawaybecausethatlovehadfrightenedher;shesaidthatshewasnotworthyofme,thatitterrifiedhertothinkofmyfatebeinglinkedwithhers;andagainsheembracedme,againshecriedwithtearsofjoy.Presentlyshecaughtherself.

"WhataboutBessonov?"shesuddenlysaid."Lethimcome,"Ianswered."WhocaresaboutBessonov.""Wait,letmefinishwhatIbegantosayabouthim.Yes,hespokeaboutyou.Thenabouthimself.Hesaidthathewasamuchmorereliablesupportthanyouwere.HeremindedmethatthreeyearsagoIhadlovedhimandwouldhavemarriedhim.AndwhenIsaidthathewasdeceivinghimself,allhisprideroseup,andhelosthistempertosuchanextentthatherushedatme....Waitaminute,"NadezhdaNikolayevnasaid,seizingmyhandwhenshesawmeleaptomyfeet."Hedidnottouchme.Iamsorryforhim,AndreiNikolayevich...hefellatmyfeet,thatproudmandid!Youshouldhaveseenit!""Whatdidyoutellhim?""Whatwastheretotell?Iwassilent.AllIsaidwasthatIdidnotlovehim.AndwhenheaskedwhetheritwasbecauseIloveyou,Itoldhimthetruth.Someth

ingdreadfulcameoverhimthen-Idon'tknowwhatitwas.Hethrewhimselfuponme,embracedme,whispered'farewell,farewell!'andmadeforthedoor.Ineversawsuchaterriblefacebefore.Isankintoachair,weakandtrembling.Heturnedroundatthedoorwithaqueerlaughandsaid:'Ishallbeseeingyoutwoagain,though.'Andhisfacelookedawful...."Shebrokeoffabruptly,deathlypale,andstaredatthedoorofthestudio.Ilookedround.Bessonovwasstandinginthedoorway."Didn'texpectme?"hesaid,stuttering."Icamebythebackstairssoasnottotroubleyou."Ileapttomyfeetandconfrontedhim.Westoodlikethatforalongtime,measuringeachotherwithoureyes.Hereallywasaterrifyingsight.Pale,withbloodshoteyesfixeduponmeinhatred,hesaidnothing;histhinquiveringlipswhisperedsomething.Isuddenlyfeltsorryforhim.

"Whathaveyoucomeherefor,SergeiVasilyevich?Ifyouwanttotalktome,goandcalmyourselffirst.""Iamcalm,Lopatin....Iamill,butcalm.Ihavesettledeverything,andthereisnothingformetobeexcitedabout.""Whathaveyoucomefor?""Totellyouafewwords.Youthinkyouwillbehappywithher?"-hepointedtoNadezhdaNikolayevna."Youwillnot!Iwillnotletyou.""Goaway,"Isaid,makingaviolentefforttospeakcalmly."Goandliedown.Yousaidyourselfyouwereill.""Thatismybusiness.YoulistentowhatIamtellingyou.Iwasmistaken.Itis



myfault.Iloveher.Givehertome."Hehasgonemad!-thethoughtstruckme."Icannotlivewithouther,"hecontinuedinahoarsestrangledvoice."Iwillnotletyououtuntilyouhavesaid'yes'!""SergeiVasilyevich!""Andyouwilleithertellme'yes'or...."Itookhimbytheshouldersandturnedhimtowardsthedoor.Hewentobediently,butonreachingit,turnedthekeyinthelock,pushedmeawayroughly,andtookupathreateningattitude.NadezhdaNikolayevnascreamed.Isawhimtransferthekeytohislefthand,whileheloweredhisrightintohispocket.WhenhedrewitoutagainagleamingobjectlayinitwhichIscarcelyfoundanameforatthetime.Thesightofithorrifiedme.Besidemyself,Iseizedthespikestandinginthecorner,andwhenhelevelledtherevolveratNadezhdaNikolayevna,Iflungmyselfuponhimwithawildcry.Theworldcrashedintodarkness................................................................................Thenbeganthetorture.IdonotknowhowlongIlayunconscious.WhenIcametomyselfIrememberednothing.ThefactthatIwaslyingonthefloor,lookingupattheceilingthroughaqueerbluishhazewithafeelinginthechestthatpreventedmefromstirringorutteringaword,didnotsurpriseme.Itallseemedtoberight,needfulforsomethingorother-forwhat,Isimplycouldnotremember.Thepicture!Yes,CharlotteCordayandIlyaofMurom.Hesitsreading,whileshe

turnstheleavesoverforhim,laughingwildly....Whatnonsense!Thatisnotit;thatisnotthethingGelfreichspokeabout.Imakeamovementandfeelasharppain.Thatisasitshouldbe,ofcourse.Uttersilence.Arevivedflydronesintheairandbeatsagainstthewindow-pane.Theinnerwinterframeshavenotbeentakenoutyet,butthegayrattleofthedroshkiescanbeheardthroughthem.Themist,thequeerbluishhaze,clearsfrommyeyesandIdistinctlyseethecrudemouldingaroundthehookinthemiddleoftheceiling.Itseemstomeaveryoddornament;Ihadnevernoticeditbefore.Andsomethingtouchesmyhand;Iturnmyheadandseeahand,asmall,softwhitehandlyingonthefloor.Icannotreachit,andfeelverysorrythatIcan't,becauseitisthehandofNadezhdaNikolayevnawhomIlovemorethananythingintheworld....Andsuddenlyabrightrayofconsciousnessburstsuponme,andIrecollectevery

thingthathappened.Hehadkilledher.Itcannotbe!Itcannotbe!Sheisalive.Sheisonlywounded.Help!Help!Ishout,butnotasoundcomes.Onlyastifledchokingsoundinmybreastandapinkfoamonmylips.Hehaskilledmetoo.WithaneffortIsatupandsawherface.Hereyeswereclosedandshelaystill.Ifeltthehairstirringonmyhead.IwishedIcouldloseconsciousness.Iflungmyselfuponherbreastandcoveredherfacewithkisses.Afacethatbuthalfanhouragohadbeenpressedtomybosom,afacefulloflifeandhappiness.Nowitwasstillandset;thetinywoundovertheeyewasnolongerbleeding.Shewasdead.

WhenthedoorwasbrokendownandSemyonrusheduptomeIfeltmystrengthtob

eatitslastebb.Iwasliftedupandlaiduponthesofa.Isawthemtakeherandcarryherout,andIwantedtocryout,askthem,begthemnottodoit,andtoleaveherherenexttome.ButIcouldnotcryout;allIcoulddowastowhispersoundlesslywhilethedoctorexaminedthewoundinmychestthroughwhichthebullethadpassed.He,too,wascarriedout.Helaywithasternghastlyfacecoveredwithbloodthatpouredfromadeadlywoundinhishead.

Iamfinishing.WhatmorecanIadd?



CalledoutbySemyon'stelegram,Sonyaarrivedimmediately.Ihavebeennursedlongandcarefully,andamstillbeingnursed.SonyaandGelfreicharepositivethatIwilllive.Theywanttotakemeabroadandthinkthatthejourneywillworkwonders.ButIfeelthatIhavenotmanymoredaystolive.Mywoundhasclosed,butmychestisravagedbyanotherdisease:IknowthatIhaveconsumption.Andathird,stillmoredeadlydisease,isaidingit.NeverforamomentdoIforgetNadezhdaNikolayevnaandBessonov;theghastlydetailsofthatlastdaystandperpetuallybeforemymind'seye,andavoicewhispersceaselesslyintomyearthatIhavemurderedaman.Iwasnottried.The"case"wasdismissedonthegroundsthatIhadkilledinself-defence.Thehumanconscience,however,knowsnowrittenlaws,notheoryofirresponsibility,andIamsufferingthepunishmentofmycrime.Ihavenotmuchlongertobearit.SoontheLordwillpardonme,andwethreeshallmeetthere,whereourpassionsandsufferingswillseeminsignificantandallwillbesubmergedinthelightofeternallove.

1885

THESIGNAL

SemyonIvanovwasatrack-walker.Hiscabinwastwelveverstsawayfromtherailwaystationinonedirection,andtenintheother.Alargespinningmillhadbeenopenedtheyearbeforeaboutfourverstsaway,anditstallchimneyrosedarklyfrombehindtheforest.Theonlydwellingsaroundwerethecabinsoftheneighbouringtrack-walkers.SemyonIvanovwasasick,broken-downman.Hehadbeeninthewarnineyearsbefore,servingallthroughthecampaignasanofficer'sservant.Hehadknownhunger,andcold,andblazingheat,andhadmadetwenty-fiveandthirty-fivemilemarchesinheatandcold,rainandshine.Hehadbeenunderfire,too,butnobullet,thankGod,hadgothim.Hisregimenthadoncebeeninthefiringline,andtherehadbeenskirmishingwiththeTurksforawholeweek.Ourmenhadlainont

hissideofaglen,theTurksontheother,andtherehadbeenasteadycross-firefrommorningtillevening.Semyon'sofficerwastheretoo;threetimesadaySemyonbroughthimhismealsandaboilingsamovarfromtheregimentalkitchenintheravine.Hecarriedthesamovarthroughaclearing,andthebulletswhizzedaroundhimandsmackedagainsttherocks.Semyonwasterrified,andsometimeshecried,buthekeptstraighton.Theofficerswerepleasedwithhim,becausetheyalwayshadhottea.Hecamehomefromthewarunharmed,buthislegsandarmsbegantoache.Hefellonevildays.Cominghome,hefoundthathisoldfatherhaddied;hisfour-year-oldsonhaddied,too,fromsomethroattrouble.Semyonwasleftallaloneintheworldwithhiswife.Theycouldnotworkthefarm;ploughingthelandwithrheumaticarmsandlegswasnoeasytask.Lifeintheirhomevillagebecameunbearable,andsotheysetouttoseektheirfortuneinotherplaces.Theytriedtheirluckontheborder,inKherson,andintheDon,butwit

houtsuccess.Thenthewifewentintodomesticservice,whileSemyoncontinuedtowanderabout.Oncehehappenedtorideonanengine,andatoneofthestationsthefaceofthestation-masterseemedfamiliartohim.Semyonlookedatthestation-master,andthestation-masterlookedatSemyon,andtheyrecognizedeachother.Hehadbeenanofficerintheirregiment."YouareIvanov?"hesaid.;"Yessir.""Whatareyoudoinghere?"Semyontoldhimallaboutit."Whereareyougoingnow?"



"Idon'tknow,sir.""Idiot!Whatdoyoumean,youdon'tknow?""ImeanIhavenowheretogo,sir.Iamlookingforajob,sir."Thestation-masterlookedathim,thoughtabit,thensaid:"Lookhere,oldchap,youstayhereatthestationforatime.You'remarried,aren'tyou?Whereisyourwife?""Yessir,I'mmarried.Mywife'sinthetownofKursk,inservicewithamerchantthere.""Wellthen,writehertocomehere.I'llgetyouafreeticket.Therewillsoonbeavacancyastrack-walkerhere.I'llspeaktothedivisionchiefaboutyou.""Thankyouverymuch,sir,"saidSemyon.Andsohestayedatthestation.Hehelpedinthestation-master'skitchen,choppedfirewood,andswepttheyardandtheplatform.Inafortnight'stimehiswifearrivedandtheywentouttogethertotheirrailwaycabinonahand-trolley.Thecabinwasnewlybuiltandwarm,withasmuchfirewoodasyouwanted;therewasasmallvegetablepatchleftoverfromtheprevioustenants,andabouthalfadessiatineofarablelandoneithersideofthetrack.Semyonwasdelighted;hebegantothinkofhowhewoulddosomefarming,buyhimselfacowandahorse.Hewasgiventhenecessaryoutfit-agreenflag,aredflag,lanterns,ahorn,ahammer,awrenchfortighteningthenuts,acrow-bar,aspade,abroom,bolts,andrailspikes;theyalsogavehimtwobooksofregulationsaridatime-table.AtthebeginningSemyondidnotsleepfornightsatastretch,learningthetime-tablebyheart;twohoursbeforeatrainwasduehewouldgooverhissection,thensitdownonthebenchoutsidehiscabin,lookingoutallthetimeandlisten

ingwhethertherailswerehummingoratraincouldbeheardrumbling.Helearnedtheregulations,too,byheart,althoughhecouldbarelyspelloutthewords.Itwassummer;theworkwasnothard;nosnowtoclearaway,andtrainsonthatlinewereinfrequent.Semyonwouldgooverhisverstoftracktwiceaday,tighteningupnutshereandthere,levellingdownthebed,andexaminingthewaterpipes,andthengohometoattendtohishousehold.Thetroubletherewasthathealwayshadtogettheinspector'spermissionfortheleastlittlethinghewantedtodo.Theinspectorhadtoreporttothedivisionchief,andallthistookalongtime.Semyonandhiswifeweregettingtiredofit.Twomonthswentby;Semyonbegantomaketheacquaintanceofhistrack-walkerneighbours.Onewasaveryoldman,whomtheauthoritieswerealwaysmeaningtorelieve;hecouldbarelymoveoutofhiscabinandhiswifedidalltheworkforhim.Theothertrack-walker,theonenearerthestation,wasayoungman,rather

skinnybutwiry.HeandSemyonmetforthefirsttimeonthelinemidwaybetweentheircabinswhengoingovertheirsections;Semyonraisedhishatandbowed."Howd'yedo,neighbour",hesaid.Theneighbourglancedaskanceathim."Howd'yedo,"hesaid,andturnedaway.Latertheirwivesmeteachother.Semyon'swifeArinagreetedtheneighbour,butthelatterdidnotsaymucheitherandwentaway.Semyonmetheronce."Yourhusbandisn'tverychatty,youngwoman,ishe?"Thewomandidnotsayanythingatfirst,thenreplied:"What'shegottotalkabout?Everymanhashisownworries.Godbewithyou."However,afteramonthorso,theybecameacquainted.SemyonandVasilywouldmeetontheline,sitdownontheedgeoftheembankment,smoketheirpipesandtalkaboutlife.Vasilydidnothavemuchtosayforhimself,butSemyontalkedabouthishomevillageandthecampaignhehadbeenthrough.

"Yes,I'vehadaprettytoughtime,"hesaid,"andGodknowsI'mnotthatold.I'vehadnoluck.You'vegottoputupwiththelotthatGodgivesyou.Yes,brotherVasily,that'showitis."Vasilyknockedtheashoutofhispipe,stoodup,andsaid:"It'snotbadluckorGod'slotthat'sgettingusdown,butthepeoplearoundus.Thereisn'tabeastonearthascruelandviciousashumanbeingsare.Wolfdoesn'teatwolf,butamanwilljustswallowanothermanwhole.""Don'ttellmethat,brother.Awolfdoeseatwolf.""Thatwasjustmywayoftalking.Allthesame,man'sanastybeast.Ifitwasn'tforhisbeingsowickedandgreedylifewouldn'tbesobad.Everyonetriesto



takeasnapatyou,biteapieceofyouoff,swallowyouup."Semyonpondered."Idon'tknow,"hesaid."Maybeyou'reright,andifyouare,thenit'sGod'swill.""Ifthat'sthewayyouthink,"saidVasily,"thenIhavenothingtotalktoyouabout.Ifyou'regoingtoblameGodforallthat'sbad,andjustsitandbearit,thenyou'renotaman,butananimal.That'smyopinion."Andheturnedandwentawaywithoutsayinggood-bye.Semyonalsogotup."Neighbour!"heshouted."There'snoneedtogetangry."ButVasilydidnotlookround.Semyongazedafterhimuntilhewaslosttosightatadipinthebend.Hecamehomeandsaidtohiswife:"Well,Arina,thatneighbourofoursisanastypieceo'work,Itellyou."However,theydidnotquarrel;theymetagainanddiscussedthesamethings."Ah,brother,ifitwasn'tformen,youandIwouldnotbepokingaroundinthesecabins,"saidVasily."What'swrongwiththecabins,they'renotsobad.""Notsobad,notsobad....Ugh,you!Youhavelivedlongandlearnedlittle,lookedatmuchandseenlittle.Whatsortoflifeisitforapoormaninacabinhereoranywhereelse?Theseblood-suckersareeatingyouupalive,squeezingyoudry,andwhenyougetoldthey'llchuckyououtjustastheywouldhuskstofeedthepigswith.Howmuchdoyougetinwages?""Notmuch,Vasily-twelverubles.""AndIgetthirteenfifty.Iaskyou-why?Accordingtothecompany'sregulationsweareallentitledtofifteenrublesamonth,heatingandlightingfree.Noww

hodecidesthatyoushouldhavetwelveandIthirteenandahalf?Whosepocketdoestheotherthreeoroneandahalfrublesgointo?Canyoutellmethat?Andyousay-it'snotbad!Itisn'tevenaquestionofoneandahalforthreerubles.Eveniftheypaidthefullfifteen.LastmonthIwasatthestationwhenthedirectorrodethrough;Isawhim-Ihadthathonour.Travelledinaspecialcoachalltohimself;cameoutontheplatform,stoodthereshowingthegoldchainonhisbelly,cheeksredandfat.Bloatedwithourbloodthathehassuckedup.Ah,ifIhadthepower!No,Ishallnotstayherelong;I'llgoawaysomewhere,anywhere.""Butwherewillyougo,Vasily?Youwon'tfindanythingbetter.Atleasthereyouhaveahouse,warmth,apieceofland.Yourwifeisahelp.""Land!Yououghttoseethatpieceofland.Notastickgrowingonit.Iplantedsomecabbagesinthespring,andtheinspectorcomesalongandsays,'Hullo,wh

at'sthis?Whydidn'tyoureportit?Whydidn'tyouaskpermission?Digthemup,thewholeballylot.'Hewasdrunk.Atanyothertimehewouldnothavesaidanything,butthistimehesays,'Threerublesfine!'justtohaveithisownway."Vasilypaused,suckingathispipe,thensaidquietly."Icouldhaveknockedthefellow'sbrainsout.""You'reahot-temperedone,neighbour,letmetellyou.""Temperhasnothingtodowithit.IspeakthetruthandIthinkformyself.He'saskingfortroubleandhe'llgetit,thatfatmug!I'llcomplaintothedivisionchief,Iwill.You'llsee."Andsohedid.Thedivisionchiefoncecametoinspecttheline.SomeimportantpersonagesfromSt.Petersburgwereexpectedinthreedays'time;theyweremakingatourofinspection,andsoeverythinghadtobeputinorderbeforetheirarrival.Thebedwasballastedandlevelled,thesleeperswerecarefullyexamined,thespikesdr

iveninabitharder,thenutstightenedup,thepostspainted,andyellowsandwassprinkledatthelevelcrossings.Thewomanattheneighbouringcabinturnedheroldmanouttoweed.Semyonworkedalltheweek.Heputeverythinginorder,mendedandcleanedhistunic,andpolisheduphisbrassplatewithbrickdustuntilitfairlyshone.Vasilyworkedtoo.Thedivisionchiefarrivedinatrolley,fourmenworkingthehandlessothatthegearswhirredandthewheelshummedasthetrolleyhurtleddowntheline.ItcameflyinguptoSemyon'scabin;Semyonranupandreportedinsoldierlyfashion.Everythingwasfoundtobeinorder."Haveyoubeenherelong?"thechiefinquired."SincethesecondofMay,sir.""Allright.Thankyou.Andwhoisatnumberonesixty-four?"



Thetrafficinspector(hewastravellingwiththechiefonthetrolley)answered:"VasilySpiridov.""Spiridov,Spiridov....Ah,isthatthemanyoureportedlastyear?""Yes,sir.""Verywellthen,let'sseethisVasilySpiridov.Moveon!"Themenfelltoworkonthehandlesandthetrolleygotunderway.Semyonwatchedit,thinking:"Well,there'sgoingtobetrouble."Acoupleofhourslaterhestartedonhisround.Hesawsomeonecomingdownthetrackfromthewoodcutting.AcloserlookshowedhimthatitwasVasily.Hehadastickinhishandandasmallbundleoverhisshoulder,andhischeekwasboundupinahandkerchief."Whereareyouoffto,neighbour?"shoutedSemyon.Vasilycameupquiteclose.Helookedawful,hisfacewhiteaschalk,hiseyesblazing;hisvoice,whenhespoke,waschoky."I'mgoingtotown,"hemuttered."ToMoscow...totheHeadOffice.""TheHeadOffice?Ah,youaregoingtocomplain,Isuppose?Dropit,Vasily,forgetit.""No,mate,Iwon'tforget.It'stoolatetoforget.Look,hehitmeintheface,drewblood.Iwon'tforgetitaslongasIlive,andIwon'tdropit.They'vegottobetaughtalesson,thoseblood-suckers.""Dropit,Vasily,"Semyonsaid,takinghisarm."Believeme,youwon'tbetterthings.""Betterthings!IknowmyselfIwon'tbetterthings;youwererightaboutfate.Itwon'tdomeanygood,butamanmuststandupforright.""Yes,buthowdidithappen?"

"How?Helookedeverythingover,gotoffthetrolley,lookedintothecabin.Iknewbeforehandthathe'dbestrict,soIhadeverythingshipshape.HewasabouttogoawaywhenImademycomplaint.Hestartedshoutingrightaway:'Here'sagovernmentinspectioncomingdownandyoumakeacomplaintaboutavegetablegarden,damnyou!Privycouncillorsarecoming,andhetalksabouthiscabbage!'Iansweredsomethingback,Icouldn'thelpmyself;itwasn'tsobad,really,buthetookitamiss.Hegaveittomehot.Ouraccursedpatience!Ishouldhavegivenittohim,too,butinsteadIjuststoodthereasifitwastherightthing.Whentheywentaway,Icametomyself,washedmyface,andstartedoff.""Andwhataboutthecabin?""Mywifeisthere.Shewilllookafterthings.Tohellwiththeirrailway!"Vasilygotuptogo."Good-bye,Semyon.Idon'tknowwhetherI'llfindanyonetolistentome."

"Surelyyouarenotgoingtowalk?""I'lltrytogetaliftonagoodstrainatthestation,andtomorrowI'llbeinMoscow."Theneighbourstookleaveofeachother.Vasilywasawayforsometime.Hiswifedidhisworkforhim,andwentwithoutsleepnightandday;shewaseatenupwithanxiety.Onthethirddaythecommissionarrived:anengine,aluggage-van,andtwofirst-classcarriages,buttherewasstillnosignofVasily.OnthefourthdaySemyonmethiswife.Herfacewasswollenfromcryingandhereyeswerered."Hashecomeback?"Semyonasked.Butthewomanmadeahopelessgestureandwentherwaywithoutsayingaword.Semyonhadlearned,whenstillalad,tomakepipesoutofosierrods.Hewouldburnthecoreoutofarod,drillholesinit,makeamouth-pieceatoneend,an

dtunethethingsowellthatyoucouldplayalmostanyaironit.Hemadequiteanumberofthesepipesinhissparetimeandsentthemtothemarketintownbygoodstrainconductorsofhisacquaintance;theyfetchedtwokopeksapiecethere.Thedayafterthecommission'svisithelefthiswifeathometomeetthesixo'clockeveningtrain,andwentintothewoodswithaknifetocutsomeosierrods.Hewenttotheendofhissection-atthispointthelinemadeasharpbend-descendedtheembankmentandstruckdownhillintothewoods.Abouthalfamileawaytherewasabigmarshwithexcellentwillowsforhispipesgrowingontheedgeofit.Hecutabundleofosiersandstartedhomethroughthewoods.Thesunstoodlow;theonlysoundsinthedeathlystillnesswerethetwitteringofthe



birdsandthecrackleofthedeadwoodunderfoot.Ashewalkedon,nearingtheembankment,Semyonfanciedheheardasoundlikethatofironstrikingiron.Hequickenedhispace.Norepairswerebeingmadeonhissection.Whatcoulditmean?Hecameoutonthefringeofthewoods-therailwayembankmentroseupbeforehim;onthetopamanwassquatting,doingsomethingtothetrack;Semyoncreptupquietly:hethoughtthemanwasafterthenuts.Butwhenthemanstoodup,hesawacrow-barinhishands;hehadplaceditundertherailandwastearingitup.EverythingwentdarkbeforeSemyon'seyes;hewantedtocryoutbuthecouldnot.ThenhesawthatitwasVasily.Heran,andVasily,withacrow-barandawrenchinhishands,tumbledheadoverheelsdowntheothersideoftheembankment."Vasily!Manalive,comeback!Givemethecrow-bar.We'llputtherailback,noonewillknow.Comeback!Don'ttakethissinonyoursoul!"Vasilydidnotlookback;heplungedintothewoods.Semyonstoodlookingatthetorn-uprail;hehadthrowndownhisbundleofosiers.Itwasapassengertrainthatwasdue,notagoodstrain.Andhehadnothingtostopitwith,noflag.Hecouldnotreplacetherail;youcouldnotdrivethespikesinwithyourbarehands.Hemustrun,runbacktohiscabinforsometools."Godhelpme!"hegasped,Breathless,hestartedrunningtowardshiscabin.Heran,stumbling,almostdropping.Heclearedtheforest;thecabinwasonlyafewhundredfeetawayatthemost,butjustthenthemillwhistlesounded.Itwassixo'clock.Intwominutes'timethetrainwasduetopass.GoodGod!Savethoseinnocentsouls!Semyoncouldalmostseeit:theenginestrikestheed

geoftherailwithitsleftwheel;itshudders,careens,ripsupthesleepers,smashesthemtopieces,andrightthereisacurve,abend,aneighty-footembankment,downwhichitgoestoppling,itsthird-classcoacheschock-fullofpeople,littlechildren....Allsittinginthetrainnow,littledreamingofthedanger.God,tellmewhattodo!No,thereisnotimetoruntothecabinandbackagain....Justshortofthecabin,Semyonturnedbackandranfasterthanever.Heranblindly,notknowinghimselfwhathewasgoingtodo.Hecametothetorn-uprail;hisstickslaythereinaheap.Bendingdown,hepickedoneofthemup,notknowingwhy,andranon.Hethoughthecouldhearthetraincomingalready.Heheardthedistantwhistle,feltthequietsteadytremoroftherails.Hisstrengthgaveout,hecouldrunnomore.Hestoppedwithinabouttwohundredandfiftyyardsoftheawfulspot.Alightburstuponhismind.Takingoffhiscap,hetookou

tofitacottonhandkerchief,pulledhisknifeoutofhisboottop,andcrossedhimself,muttering,"Godhelpme!"Heslashedhisleftarmwiththeknifeabovetheelbow;thebloodspurtedoutinahotstream;hesoakedhishandkerchiefinit,thensmootheditout,tiedittothestickandhungouthisredflag.Hestoodthere,wavinghisflag.Thetrainwasalreadyinsight.Theengine-driverwouldnotseehim,hewouldcomeuptooclosetobeabletostoptheheavytrainattwohundredandfiftyyards!Thebloodkeptflowing;hepressedthegashedarmtohissidetostemtheflow,butitwasnouse.Hemusthavecuthisarmverydeep.Hefeltdizzy,andblackspecksdancedbeforehiseyes;thenallgrewdark,andtherewasaloudringinginhisears.Heneithersawthetrainnorhearditsnoise.Therewasbutonethoughtinhismind:

"Ishallfall,Ishalldroptheflag;thetrainwillpassoverme.Helpme,God!"Andtheworldwentblackinhiseyes,hismindbecameablank,andhedroppedtheflag;buttheblood-stainedbannerdidnotfalltotheground.Ahandseizeditandhelditaloftbeforetheoncomingtrain.Thedriversawit,shutoffthegovernorandreversedsteam.Thetraincametoastandstill.

Peoplejumpedoutofthecarriagesandgatheredroundinacrowd.Theysawaman,coveredwithblood,lyingunconsciousonthetrack,andanothermanstandingn



exttohimwithablood-stainedragonastick.Vasilyranhiseyeoverthecrowd,thenhunghishead,saying,"Bindme,Itoretherailup."

1887

THETRAVELLINGFROG

Onceuponatimetherewasafroginthebog.Hesatinhismudhomecatchinggnatsandmidges,andeveryspringheandhisfrogfriendssetupaloudcroakingalltogether.Andtherehewouldhavelivedfortherestofhislife-providedthestorkhadnoteatenhim,ofcourse-butforacertainadventurethatbefellhim.Onedayhewassittingontheboughofasnagthatstuckoutofthewater,enjoyingawarmdrizzle."Ah,whatlovelywetweatherwearehaving!"thoughthe."Nowthisislife!"Therainpatteredonhisspeckledshinylittleback;thedropstrickledunderhisbellyandbehindhislegs,anditfeltsonice,sodelightful,thatheallbutletoutacroak,butfortunatelyrememberedthatitwasautumnalready,andthatfrogsdonotcroakintheautumn-theyhadthespringtodothatin-andthatnoself-respectingfrogwouldbecaughtcroakingintheautumn.Andsohekeptsil

entandbaskedintherain.Allofasuddenashrill,intermittentwhirringnoisecamefromoverhead.Thereisabreedofduckswhosewings,whentheyfly,cleavetheairwithasoundasiftheyweresinging,orratherwhistling.Whew-whew-whew-whew-goestheairwhenaflockofsuchducksflieshighaboveyou,sohighthatyoucannotevenseethem.Onthisoccasiontheducksdescribedanimmensesemicircleandalightedontheveryboginwhichourfroglived."Kra,kra!"oneofthemsaid."Wehavealongwaytoflyyet,andmusthavesomethingtoeat."Thefroghidhimselfatonce.Althoughheknewthattheduckswouldnoteatsuchabigfatfrogashewas,hedivedunderthesnagjustincase.Onsecondthoughts,hedecidedtopokehisheadoutofthewater-socuriouswashetoknowwheretheduckswereflyingto.

"Kra,kra!"saidanotherduck."It'sgettingcold!Wemusthurrysouth,andbequickaboutit!"Andalltheotherducksbeganquackingtheirapproval."Ibegyourpardon,ladiesandgentlemen,"thefrogsaid,pluckingupcourage,"butcanyoutellme-whatisthissouthyouareflyingto?"Alltheduckscrowdedroundthefrog.Atfirsttheywantedtoeathim,buttheneveryduckthoughttoitselfthatthefrogwastoobigandwouldnotgodownitsthroatThentheyallbegangabblingtogetherandflappingtheirwings."Oh,it'sgooddownsouth!It'swarmtherenow!Therearesuchwarmlovelyswampsthere!Andtheworms!It'swonderfuldownsouth!"Theygabbledsoloudthattheyalmostdeafenedthefrog.Itwasallhecoulddotosilencethem.Thenheaskedoneofthem,wholookedfatterandclevererthan

therest,toexplainwhatthissouthwas.Onbeingtold,hewassimplydelighted,butashewasacautiousfrog,hecouldnothelpinquiring,"Butaretheremanygnatsandmidgesthere?""Oh,cloudsofthem!"theduckanswered."Kwa!"saidthefrog,andturnedroundhastilytoseewhetheranyofhisfrogfriendshadoverheardhim.Theywouldbescandalizedathimcroakingoutofseason,buthecouldnothelpgivingjustonelittlecroak."Takemewithyou!"hesaid."Well,Iamsurprised!"criedtheduck."Fancysayingthat,andyouhavingnowings."



"Whendoyoufly?"askedthefrog."Soon,soon!"criedalltheducks."Kra,kra!Kra,kra!It'scoldhere.South!South!""Willyoupleasegivemefiveminutestothinkitover,"saidthefrog."Ishallsoonbeback,andIdaresayIshallthinkofsomething."Sayingwhichhefloppedbackintothewater,divedintotheoozeandburiedhimselfinitcompletelyinordertokeephismindoffotherthingsthatwerelikelytodistracthim.Fiveminuteswentby,andtheduckswerealreadypreparingtoflyaway,whenallofasuddenthefrogpoppedhisheadoutofthewaternearthebranchonwhichhehadbeensitting.Hisfacewasasradiantasafrog'sfacecouldeverbe."I'vegotanidea!"hesaid."Twoofyouwilltakeatwiginyourbeaks,andIwillhangontoitinthemiddle.Youwillflyandtakemeforaride.AslongasyoudonotquackandIdonotcroakeverythingwillbefine."Keepingsilentandcarryingevensuchalightburdenasthefrogforthreethousandmileswasnogreatpleasure,buttheducksweresodelightedatthefrog'sclevernessthattheyallreadilyconsentedtocarryhim.Theyarrangedtotakeitinturnseverytwohours,andsincetheducks,likethoseintheriddle,weresomany,andtwiceasmuch,andasmuchagain,andhalfasmuch,andaquarterasmuch,whilethefrogwasonlyone,itwasn'toftenthattheyhadtocarryhim.Theyfoundagoodstrongtwig,twoduckstookitintheirbeaks,andthefroghungontoitbyhismouthinthemiddle,andthewholeflocktooktotheair,Thedizzyheighttowhichtheyrosetookthefrog'sbreathaway;besides,theducks

flewunevenlyandjerkedthetwig;thepoorfrogjiggledaboutintheairlikeapaperclown,andclenchedhisjawswithallhismighttokeepfromlettinggohisholdandcrashingtotheground.However,hesoongotusedtohispositionandevenbegantotakealookround.Fields,meadows,rivers,andhillsflashedpastbelowhim,buthecouldnotseethemverywell,becausedanglingashewasfromthetwighecouldonlylookbackwardandalittleupward,butthelittlethathedidseefilledhimwithjoyandpride."Whatanexcellentideaofminethiswas,"hesaidtohimself.Andtheducksflewbehindtheleadingpairthatwascarryinghim,cryingandpraisinghimforalltheywereworth."Whatawonderfulbrainourfroghas,"theyweresaying."Youwon'tfindmanysuchbrainsevenamongusducks."Hewas;onthepointofthankingthem,butremindedhimselfthatifheopenedhi

smouthhewouldgohurtlingtotheground,andsoheclenchedhisjawsharderanddecidedtobearit.Hedangledlikethatalldaylong,theduckswhocarriedhimchanginginmid-air,onelettinggothetwigwhileanotheradroitlycaughtit.Itwasaterrifyingexperience,andmorethanoncethefrognearlycroakedfromfright.Onehadtohavegreatpresenceofmind,andthefroghadthat.Intheeveningthewholecompanycametorestonabog;atdaybreaktheycontinuedontheirwayagainwiththefrog,butthistimetheirpassenger,thebettertobeabletoseewhatwentonduringthejourney,hungontothetwigbackandheadforwardandbellybackward.Theducksflewoverreapedfields,overyellowingwoods,andovervillagesfilledwithstackedcorn;fromtherecameamurmurofhumanvoicesandtheknockingoftheflailswithwhichtheywerethreshingtherye.Thepeoplestaredattheflockofducks,andseeingsomethingoddaboutit,pointedatitwiththeirfingers.Thefrogwasjustdyingtoflyclosertotheground

toshowhimselfandhearwhatpeoplesaidabouthim.Atthenexthalthesaid:"Mustweflysohigh?Ifeeldizzysohighup,andI'mafraidoffallingshouldIsuddenlyfeelsick."Andthekind-heartedduckspromisedtoflylower.Thenextdaytheyflewsolowthattheycouldhearvoices."Look,look!"childrencriedinonevillage."Theducksarecarryingafrog!"Thefrogheardthis,andhisheartfluttered."Look,look!"adultscriedinanothervillage."Whatamarvel!"Dotheyknowitwasmyidea,nottheducks'?-thoughtthefrog."Look,look!"thepeoplecriedinstillanothervillage."Wouldyoubelieveit!



Whocouldhavethoughtupsuchacleveridea?"Atthisthefrogcouldnolongercontainhimself,andthrowingcautiontothewinds,hecriedoutatthetopofhisvoice,"I!Idid!"Andwiththatcryhewenthurtlingdownheadoverheels.Theducksshrieked,andoneofthemtriedtocatchthepoorpassengerinmid-air,butmissedhim.Thefrogdroppedswiftly,kickingallfourlegsintheair.Astheduckshadbeenflyingatagreatspeed,hedroppednotonthespotoverwhichtheyhadbeenshriekingandwheretherewasahardroad,butmuchfartherout,whichwasluckyforhim,becausehefellplopintoamuddypondontheedgeofthevillage.Presentlyhepoppedoutofthewater,shoutingatthetopofvoiceagain,"Itwasme!Itwasmyidea!"Buttherewasnotasoularound.Frightenedbythesuddensplash,thelocalfrogshadallhiddenthemselvesinthewater.Whentheycameoutagaintheyweresurprisedtoseethenewarrival.Hetoldthemawonderfulstoryofhowhehadbeenthinkinghardallhislifeuntilatlasthehadinventedanewandunusualmodeofducktravel;ofhowhehadhadhisownduckswhohadtakenhimforrideswhereverhewanted;ofhowhehadvisitedthebeautifulsouth,whereeverythingwassolovely,wheretheyhadsuchwonderfulwarmswamps,andsomanymidgesandallkindsofotherediblecreatures."Ihavejustdroppedintoseehowyoulive,"hesaid."Ishallstaywithyoutillthespring,whenmyduckswillcomebackforme.Ihaveletthemgoforabit."Buttheducksnevercameback.Theythoughtthefroghadbeenkilledinhisfall

andwereverysorryforhim.

1887

Documents

130846418 Garshin the Scarlet Flower and Others Txt