Business Lunch

Developed bySolutionsurfers® ACADEMY

14 recipes for meaningful conversations in everyday working life

Healthy, hearty and m

eaningfulEditorial

If Jamie O

liver, one of the shooting stars in the field of cooking, states: “Everyone

can cook!” – then w

e think: “Everyone can lead meaningful, target-oriented and

appreciative conversations.” That's why w

e have compiled this sm

all recipe book w

ith crispy and elegant ideas, showing you how

you can drive effective conver-sations in your daily business, regardless of w

hether you are working in a leader-

ship, project managem

ent or operational role.

In addition to saving time w

ith this, you will becom

e the initiator of the change that you have been longing for. In fact, so m

any people want m

ore lightness, effi

ciency and appreciation in their daily work.

We can contribute to that by starting to talk differently –

comm

unication influ-

ences everything in a company: pleasure, achievem

ent of goals, performance,

motivation and relationships.

If we succeed in driving m

eaningful discussions, we can have a direct infl

uence on these factors in all our conversations that w

e have day by day: in the corridor, in m

eetings, with our custom

ers or employees.

With this little cookbook w

e would like to invite you to give a trial and to take

part in this experiment.

Firstly we suggest to take the recipes of one or tw

o dishes and cook them three

to four times in sim

ilar situations.A

fterwards have another try w

ith two m

ore dishes. Do not be confused, as at the

beginning it might be a bit strange to put these ingredients together –

and be curious about the reactions of your guests.

We w

ish you a lot of Meaningful C

onversations!

Solutionsurfers A

CA

DE

MY

Daniel M

eier

PS

: And if you find this recipe book very useful, you can pass it on or dow

nload it free of charge from

our website:

ww

w.solutionsurfers.com

3

Content

3 H

EALTH

Y, HEA

RT

Y A

ND

MEA

NIN

GFU

L

Editorial

7 C

HA

NG

E EXCITIN

GLY

WITH

APPR

ECIA

TIVE C

OM

MU

NIC

ATIO

N

Solution focus - the basic recipe

9 V

ITAM

IN-R

ICH

STIM

ULA

NT FO

R EV

ERY O

CC

AS

ION

H

eartfelt complim

ent is always w

elcome

11 S

AU

CES

AN

D S

PICES

S

imply, radically different

15 Q

UIC

K LU

NC

H

Short conversations beside additional activities

17 R

OO

M 2 B

LOO

M

Challenging appraisal interview

21 EA

SILY

WH

OLES

OM

E MO

TIVA

TION

DIN

NER

A

n employee com

plains

23 C

REA

TE A C

RIS

PY FU

TUR

E PERS

PECTIV

E

Resource Oriented Interview

25 LU

NC

H FO

R N

EW B

EGIN

NIN

G W

ITH A

POS

ITIVE EFFEC

T

The review

27 PR

OG

RES

S H

APPEN

S A

NY

WAY

S

Evaluate the effect

29 TH

E RO

UN

D FIN

ISH

OF Y

OU

R M

ENU

H

ow to close a conversation effectively?

31 B

US

INES

S B

RU

NC

H FO

R G

RO

UPS

M

eetings with Em

phasis

35 B

AS

IC R

ECIPE FO

R S

UC

CES

SFU

L CO

OPER

ATIO

N

The resource-chitchat

37 C

HIN

ESE R

OU

ND

TAB

LE

Inventing solutions together

39 G

OU

RM

ET CO

OK

ING

FOR

YO

UR

SELF

Five m

inutes for self-reflection

54

Change excitingly w

ith appreciative com

munication

Solution focus –

the basic recipe

Ingredients1 expressed w

ill to replace the “why” w

ith a targeting “how”

1 belief that being conscious where to go is m

ore important than know

ing from

where you w

ant to stay away

1 good portion of heartfelt persistence and a little patience7 or m

ore heaped tablespoon practice of precise, solution-focused questioning technique

1 big portion of appreciative curiosity1 solid belief in the resources, the talents and the experiences of your dialog

partner

PreparationM

ix all ingredients, and let it rise. Enjoy as often as possible.Refreshing these activities on a regular basis w

ill enhance the beneficial effect.

Especially digestible with a large portion of appreciation.

76

Vitam

in-rich stimulant for

every occasion

Heartfelt com

pliment is alw

ays welcom

eE

xpenditure of tim

e: 2 minutes - E

ffect: often over weeks

Ingredients• A

ttentive eyes and ears• Focus on w

hat is useful and helpful - and / or has already done well

• Conducive verbal and nonverbal expressiveness

PreparationH

eartfelt complim

ent is everywhere and alw

ays welcom

e. With a little practice

and good intention, there are many possible uses: response to an observed or

told performance; as a serious appreciation of a resource that m

ade it possible to survive a diffi

cult situation; as reference to something that you like about the

Other, independently from

the situation. It is especially tasty if it is concrete and com

es from the heart.

Serving suggestions• D

irectly: “Wow

, I’m really im

pressed how you have just m

astered this difficult

situation!” • Indirectly, “W

hat do you guess the customer thought about you, after taking so

much tim

e for him?”

• As a suggestion for self-com

pliment: “H

ow did you m

anage to keep such a cool head in this stress?”

Caution: G

iving a hearty complim

ent nourishes both the giver and the recipient.

Also w

orth trying ...K

eep your eyes open for ways to com

pliment untypical situations, such as giving

feedback to an angry employee: “I find im

pressive how distinctly you can stand up

for your needs!”

98

Sauces and spices

Sim

ply, radically different

These ingredients should be available all the times:

• And w

hat else?• W

hat instead?• Yes and …• A

ccepted …• G

ood enough?

And w

hat else?This flavor enhancer is a real jack-of-all-trades. It allow

s our guests to think even further, bigger or m

ore precise, and can bring true surprises to light. “A

nd what else?” Refi

nes savory and sweet dishes and is also very popular for

finger food. W

ide usage of this very own taste w

ill highlight each dish and m

ake them especially enjoyable.

What instead?

If your guest is afraid of over-salting his food (“I'm alw

ays so scared ...”, “I do not w

ant more ...”), you can turn the taste back to positive and concrete

goals, with a joyous “H

ow w

ould you like to respond instead?” →11

10

Yes and …

Your guest expresses the idea of seasoning the jointly created strawberry soufflé

with garlic, and you w

ant to express your concerns? A consternated “Yes, but ...”

appears on your tongue? Try it with the m

uch softer “Yes, that's a brave idea, AN

D

I wonder w

hat alternatives are otherwise available?” This little light dip is not too

heavy for the stomach, as it appreciates the guest's idea and allow

s at the same

time to expand the view

point.

Supposed …If you have a fi

rm realist as a guest, it m

ay be the case that he struggles to getw

ith change. Or it m

ay happen that he can barely get involved in dreamlike visions

of the future. Your guest is likely to stick with a “B

ut that's not possible ...” In this situation, a pinch of “Let’s im

agine that it would be feasible: W

hat would that

make possible for you?” can give him

a hypothetical leap into the desired future.

Good enough?

This spice is perfect for adding the final touch to a dish. A

s soon as you get theim

pression that your guest starts to become full, you taste the dish w

ith an “Is it so good enough?” A

nd, if the answer is positive, you can end the m

eal accordingly. This w

ay, you don‘t risk unnecessarily overfeeding of the guest.

1312

Quick Lunch

Short conversations beside additional activities

Ingredients7 m

inutes time

3 substantial questions1 portion of crispy appreciation

PreparationW

e have seven minutes, so let's start:

• “What's your best hope on the im

pact of our conversation?”

Fry the question for a m

inute ...

• “If this best hope could become reality now

, what w

ould you do? And w

hat else?”

... stir for tw

o minutes ...

• “How

does this, that you just told me, m

ake a real difference to you and your

environment?”

... let the question rest two m

inutes, accompanied w

ith a smile ...

• “And w

hat would your very best friend say about all this?”

... and confidently consider w

hat happens.

With these sim

ple ingredients, you can conjure meaningful conversation in the

room that doesn‘t take any preparation tim

e. This quick course should be available in every offi

ce household all the times. A

fter following this recipe few

times, you

will discover how

to start experimenting m

ore and more, and developing your very

own quick lunch.

1514

Room 2 B

loomC

hallenging appraisal interview

Ingredients10

0%

pronounced resource focus1 sheet of w

hite paper1 basket full of solution-focused questions1 conviction, that conversations are better w

hen they are led as dialogue1 belife, that developm

ent works easier and it is m

ore sustainable when you focuse

on what's already there and it is w

orking out well

1 portion of goal orientation1 big dollop of joy in helping to grow

those around you

PreparationA

PPETIZER

Take a sheet of white paper. O

n the right side note down the tasks, goals, and priori-

ties your employee should cover as part of his/her role. N

ow w

rite down on the

left hand side what progress and achievem

ents you have seen the employee m

ake over the past w

eek/month/quarter in term

s of his/her tasks and goals.

MA

IN C

OU

RS

EThe m

ain course is prepared together with your em

ployee. Start w

ith two pinches

of nourishing appreciation and express your conviction that dishes prepared in dia-logue are m

uch more nutritious and healthier in the long term

.

→1716

Now

use some pre-selected solution-oriented questions, for exam

ple:• W

hat were you particularly satisfi

ed with last m

onth? And w

hat else?• W

hat progress have you made? A

nd what are you proud of?

• Com

pared to the goal you set last time, w

here are you now on a scale of 1 to 10

?

Com

plete his statements w

ith your resource-focused discoveries.

Now

add 1 portion of goal orientation and mix them

slowly:

• What w

ould be your best hope for the next three months?

• How

would you realize that you are already one step closer to your goal?

• What resources could you use for this?

• Who / w

hat could help you?

The more you listen and ask questions in-depth, the sm

oother and creamier the

court becomes.

Finally, season with a pinch of appreciation and em

powerm

ent.For exam

ple:• It im

presses me how

clear vision you have about your goal.• I have already observed how

you have done this in the present context, and I am

confident that you w

ill make progress in the new

context as well.

DES

SER

TThe dessert can be taken after som

e time passed. Find opportunities to w

atch the em

ployee with your keen resource vision: “I’m

impressed w

ith the progress you’ve m

ade in such a short time.”

1819

Easily wholesom

e motivation dinner

An em

ployee complains

Although it seem

s that conflicts are hard on one’s digestion, if they are properly seasoned w

ith the necessary portion of serenity, they can be suitable as tasty and healthy m

ain dishes.

Mise en place

An em

ployee complains to you about a colleague or a colleague.

Ingredients and preparationG

ratitude and understanding: “Thank you for the explanation, and I can certainlysee your point. I appreciate you bringing this to m

y attention, and I am im

pressed w

ith the resilience you have shown thus far w

ith coping with this yourself up until

now.”

A pinch of concrete hope: “W

hat has happened differently in the past when the

collaboration worked better? A

nd what else? A

nd what did you contribute to that?”

Refreshing perspectives (from the herb garden): “W

hat would be a first sm

all step tow

ards a solution for you? What w

ould your colleague answer to this question?”

A bunch of confi

dence (finely cut) in the feasibility: “W

hat or who could support

you? How

can I help you with this?”

Som

e sustainability in the finish: “Thank you for your trust. Pay attention to the

slightest signs of improvem

ent in the next few days. A

nd in a week w

e meet again

to discuss the progress.”

This recipe is suitable for those with conflict allergies, and contains a handful of

helpful vitamins to help you along the w

ay, including motivation, satisfaction and

cooperation.

2120

Create a crispy future perspective

Resource Oriented Interview

To prepare a wholesom

e job interview, you need interested applicants and a

vacancy to fill. The discussions are prepared directly at the table and are based

on the ingredients available from the guest. To prepare a conscientious m

ise en place is obvious.

POPU

LAR

AN

D U

SEFU

L KEY

QU

ESTIO

NS

AR

E:• W

hat three success stories from the last few

months can you tell m

e?• W

hat are you proud of in your previous work? W

ho else noticed this achieve-m

ent?• A

ssuming that you could fully develop your skills here in the com

pany, what

differences will you m

ake here?• Your previous colleagues: W

hat three behaviors did they particularly appreciate?

QU

ESTIO

NS

THA

T AR

E WELC

OM

E:• W

hat is your best hope for this position? And w

hat else?• S

caling questions: For example, the scale «C

onfidence that you are the right

person for the position».• D

ifferences: What w

ould your friends notice about you working in our com

pany?• S

uppose the first three m

onths of our collaboration have been incredibly successful: how

will w

e do it? How

do our customers notice this? W

hat was your

most im

portant contribution to this?

This dish can prove to be enjoyable and useful to all parties involved, and provides a solid foundation for another good shared cooking!

Attention: the sm

all, fine questions could steal the show

from your previous

favorite question.

2322

Lunch for new beginning w

ith a positive effect

The review

From tim

e to time you m

ay be dissatisfied w

ith specific behavior of one of your

guests. This main course, w

hich already needs a bit of tact and experience, helps to m

ake the discontent a new start for constructive cooperation.

Preparation step by step(Please adapt to the particular situation and if necessary supplem

ent with

personal ingredients such as clarity-spices and appreciation-broth.)

“Thanks for taking the time to talk. You are know

n as a reliable and collegial em

ployee. Now

, as I heard / saw, the follow

ing happened yesterday: (description of the situation).I w

ould like to find ways together w

ith you to change this reliably in the future.”

“What ideas do you already have, how

could you react in such situations in the future? A

nd what else?”

“On a scale of 1 to 10

: How

confident are you that this will w

ork? Which five points

make you so confident?”

Maybe as a side dish

“This proposal may w

orks well. A

nd could we consider other possibilities?

What else w

ould be possible? And w

ho or what can support you in this situation?”

And fi

nally, with a good portion of real appreciation:

“I’m im

pressed how seriously you take this issue, and I’m

looking forward to further

cooperation!”

2524

Progress happens anyways

Evaluate the effect

Ingredients2–

3dl of fresh tap water

150g

trust that everything is already there150

g confi

dence about the guest’s problem solving skills

6–8

refreshing, solution-oriented questions4

–5

mature, serious appreciations

PreparationIn preparation, m

ix your trust and confidence into a cream

y, wholesom

e and attentive attitude. A

lso, have a glass of water and greet your guest w

ith a friendly sm

ile.

As a fi

rst ingredient, add the question, “What has becom

e better since the last conversation about this project / purpose?” A

nd patiently let it draw a little bit.

Then add a few “W

hat else ...?” to taste and stir gently.

This dish can be refined w

ith an enthusiastic “Wow

!” – and m

aybe with a pinch of

“How

did you do that? What w

as your contribution?” Decorate the w

hole thing with

precise, well-placed appreciation.

Maybe at the end a “W

hat do you think were the five key success factors?”

Carefully add, “W

hat would others (team

mem

bers / customers) answ

er to this question?” A

s flavor enhancers, we recom

mend to use bit of “A

nd how did that

affected?” from tim

e to time.

2726

The round finish of your m

enuH

ow to close a conversation effectively?

Ingredients• O

ne remarkable look at the clock

• One portion of review

ing objectives, hopes and previous steps• A

shot of “Good enough?”

• A handful of benevolent-curious questions

• Bunch of serious appreciation (have alw

ays plenty on stock!)

PreparationYou see: tim

e for the conversation is slowly com

ing to an end. Take a quick look atthe clock and point out the rem

aining time: “W

e are now about ten m

inutes before the end of our conversation.”

Take a final quality check w

ith your guest, whether the m

enu corresponded to the hopes m

entioned at the beginning, eventually what is m

issing from feeling satis-

fied, com

fortable and complete during the rest of the day: “W

hat else is left to be able to close this conversation m

ost effectively for you?” W

hatever your guest says, follow his/her ideas and w

ishes so that together you can com

plete the menu harm

oniously.

Do not hesitate to fi

nish the meal w

ith a shot “Is this good enough?” to make sure

that your guest received everything that was possible during tim

e of conversation.

Prepare your guest for the fact that, even with the utm

ost confidence, later on

he/she could feel hungry again or things may not go as sm

oothly as planned. A

sk him how

he/she would handle these situations.

If desired, serve an appreciative digestive, a fortifying dessert or a refreshing coffee to com

plete the menu.

2928

Business B

runch for Groups

Meetings w

ith Emphasis

Ingredients1 large friendly room

- like a professional kitchen - with everything a group of

m

aster chefs may need

1 portion of goal orientation1 package of kitchen gadgets (=

flipchart, paper and pens)1 round of success stories1 bunch of useful questionsS

everal pinch of appreciation

PreparationM

ISE EN

PLAC

EFirst, w

e set the framew

ork for the business brunch and pick up a portion of goal orientation: “W

hat is our intention, the hoped outcome of the m

eeting?” Here w

e take our kitchen gadgets (=

flipcharts and pens) and collect all the ingredients. The chef discusses w

ith the master chefs on the spot w

hich ingredients fit togeth-

er and how the m

ain course can be prepared most successfully. S

ometim

es there are also one or tw

o ingredients that may leave tem

porarily in the fridge for later tim

es to come back to them

.

APPETIZ

ERA

s a starter, the chef gathers all the main course-related success stories to put

together the different resources for the Business B

runch: “What has w

orked that show

s a little bit in the direction of our best hopes?” – “What sm

all and big successes can w

e already report?” Each success story is served on a silver tray and m

ay be admired by all. Q

uestions about the recipe for success may be asked

at any time.

→3130

MA

IN C

OU

RS

E“If w

e look at all these success stories, what resources, skills and com

petencies can w

e build on?” Add a bunch of “W

hat else ...?”, and discover the big bouquet of resources that are thriving here.

Take some tim

e to enjoy and put a dash of admiration to it.

DES

SER

TW

e garnish the conclusion with the question: “W

hat would m

ake us notice in the near future, that w

e have already taken a small step forw

ard?”D

epending on your taste, these can be smaller or bigger steps, and after this

everything can be mixed w

ell.

These small steps are then collected again w

ith help of the kitchen helpers and each m

aster chef selects at least one to two steps, w

hich he wants to w

ork next tim

e independently on, in his own kitchen, and afterw

ards take them to the

next business brunch as a treat. This way m

any secret recipes have been created that w

ere not even known to exist on the m

enu card!

3233

Basic recipe for successful

cooperation

The Resource-Gossip

The resource-chitchat is a wonderful w

ay to focus your guests on their strengths, abilities, and resources, and how

energy and lightness will flow

into the group.

Make sm

all groups of three to maxim

um of fi

ve guests.O

ne person in the group volunteers to be the person the others will talk about, so

he/she will only listen to them

in the next 4 to 5 m

inutes. The other guests in the group now

gossip about the skills and resources they have been watching w

hile the person is listening. There are tw

o simple rules to follow

:

1. It is collected only what is im

pressive, outstanding and admirable of the person

being talked about –

so only positive reinforcing feedbacks. Ergo we only gossip

about the person's skills, competences and resources.

2. The group will gossip in third person about the volunteer, w

hich means that the

person is not addressed directly, but he/she can subm

it to the resource-chitchat w

ithout comm

ents and enjoy all words like sw

eet honey.

Som

etimes it helps if the person being gossiped about sits w

ith his back to the rest of the group.

The following questions can be helpful to discover as m

any resources as possible:• W

hat do you value most about your colleague?

• What strengths does he / she have in your view

?• W

hat did your colleague do particularly well lately?

• What valuable contribution to the team

does he make?

• What w

ere his greatest achievements?

Mix w

ell for the next course, so that every guest can enjoy being cheated.

3534

Chinese Roundtable

Inventing solutions together

Ingredients for ten to twenty guests

1 comm

on topic that is important to all guests

1 comfortable chair per guest

4 w

ell-tempered, solution-oriented questions

Preparation for four coursesA

s a preparation, let the guests arrange their chairs to an inner circle and an outer circle, so that each guest sits exactly opposite to another guest.A

llow fi

ve to ten minutes for each course.

First course: Each guest now has som

eone in front, whom

he greets in a friendly w

ay. “The first question may need som

e imagination now

. OK

? So: Im

agine that the topic w

e talked about here is solved. Just like that. How

would your boss notice

this?”

Second course: The inner circle m

oves one to two chairs further in a clockw

ise direction. “H

ow w

ould your customers notice that this ‘m

iracle’ happened?”

Third course: The outer circle moves tw

o to three chairs counterclockwise.

“What w

ould be the first little sign of progress in this matter? A

nd what else?”

Fourth course: The inner circle moves so far that the sam

e people meet as at the

beginning. “What could be your contribution to solve this question?”

SM

ALL G

REETIN

G FR

OM

THE K

ITCH

ENH

ave your guests return to their usual sitting structures / plenary and ask for rem

arkable discoveries, new ideas and surprises.

3736

Gourm

et cooking for yourselfFive m

inutes for self-reflection

Becom

e a top chef - cooking instruction in four steps.

Ingredients1 clear cooking goal1 m

easuring cup (ideally with dim

ensions from 1 to 10

)1 liter of the personal favorite beverage3–

4 teaspoons of crushed ice (in sum

mer)

PreparationS

tep 1: Give yourself som

e rest and sit alone in the cozy corner bench of the kitchen. Think about your current culinary skills or a current topic in w

hich you w

ant to progress. Fill the cup with your favorite drink to the point w

here you estim

ate your current cooking skills. If you believe that you are barely able to m

ake a fried egg, fill it up to the value of 1. V

alue 10 w

ould mean that you have

already won the C

ulinary Olym

pic Gam

es and Jamie O

liver calls you every day to ask for your advice.

Step 2: H

ow did you achieve this value (in the m

easuring cup)? Which fi

ve con-crete contributions have you m

ade?

Step 3: W

hich dishes / activities have been going in the direction of your cooking goal lately? H

ow did you do that? A

nd how else?

Step 4

: Now

if you fill the m

easuring cup one stroke up, and this new one stands

for your personal advances in cooking, what is the fi

rst clear sign for you that you have a

rrived there? H

ow w

ill others see the first sig

ns of your progress in

cooking?

Enjoy every single sip of your favorite drink (if you wish w

ith some crushed ice as

well) and be proud of the fact that you have com

e so far!

3938

Solutionsurfers®

Whether in everyday business, in leadership or in consulting: W

e would like to bring

a bit more lightness, appreciation and effi

ciency into everyday work. The dem

and of this elegant easiness in progress has been our specialty since w

e began in 1997 to consistently offer solution-focused trainings in B

rief - coaching. Meanw

hile, there are S

olutionurfers present in more than 10

countries and on four continents and w

e became one of the w

orld leading institutes for solution-focused work

and training. And the solution w

aves are waiting everyw

here.

Solutionsurfers® A

CA

DEM

YThe participants of the A

cademy 20

16 (see side page) are a team of highly m

oti-vated practitioners w

ho have dealt intensively with the application of the

solution-focused working m

odel in the areas of coaching and counseling, leader-ship as w

ell as methodology and didactics.

The recipes described here have been created an easily applicable result. “C

reate Meaningful C

onversations– D

iscover the Language of Change.”

4140

Ren

é Fret

zD

ani e l

Mei er

Step

han

i e Salec ker

Adri an

W

ollsc

hle

g e l

J ul i a

Lan

g e

Ste

fan H

olen

stein

Copyright:

Business Lunch

© 20

16 by Solutionsurfers G

mbH

Waldstatterstrasse 9

600

3 Luzernw

ww

.solutionsurfers.com / w

ww

.solutionsurfers.ch

All rights to reproduce this brochure are ow

ned by Solutionsurfers®.

We are happy if you pass on and use individual recipes, and w

e are glad to receive the corresponding proof of source.A

free PDF version can be dow

nloaded at:w

ww

.solutionsurfers.com

This brochure was developed and com

piled by Solutionsurfers A

CA

DEM

YRené FretzS

tefan Holenstein

Julia LangeD

aniel Meier

Stephanie S

aleckerA

drian Wollschlegel

PhotosS

tefan Holenstein

We thank the participants of our S

olutionsurfers Lounges that we are allow

ed to use these photos for the business lunch.

Graphic concept and design

Paolo Monaco, w

ww

.monacografi

co.ch

PrintPrint S

olutions AG

, ww

w.print-solutions.ch

4243